Unarmored Talk

Embracing Courage: First Sergeant Beth Abbott's Journey

• Mario P. Fields - Sergeant Major (Ret.) • Episode 117

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The courage to face one's truth can be a harrowing journey, especially within the rigid confines of tradition and expectation. Today, we are humbled to share the raw, unfiltered story of First Sergeant Beth Abbott of the United States Marine Corps, who bravely navigated the waters of coming out as gay to her parents at 28.

Her tale isn't just about the struggle for acceptance; it's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, underscored by her gripping experiences in the military, including surviving IED blasts, subsequent battles with survivor's guilt, and being charged with a DUI, hitting two teenage pedestrians.

Wrapping up our emotional roller coaster, we reflect on the healing process and the integral role of a strong support system. Beth's insights on self-love and the organic filtering of fair-weather friends during adversity leave us with an empowered perspective. Your journey to self-discovery might begin with the wisdom our remarkable guest, Beth Abbott imparted.

*Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/beth.abbott.543
**LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/beth-abbott-9988b879/

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Mario P. Fields:

Welcome back to Unarmored Talk Podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching each episode and continue, please, to share with your friends and family members and colleagues, and don't forget to leave a rating or review if you feel this is an awesome show. And you can connect to all of my social media on the Parade Deck Just look in the show notes. Media on the parade deck just look in the show notes. Or you can put in the search engine mario p fields, parade deck and get all access to my social media. Well, let's get ready to interview another guest who is willing to remove their armor to help other people.

Mario P. Fields:

Welcome back to the unarmored talk podcast for this special episode. Again, if if you're watching, thank you for all that support on the YouTube channel and if you're listening, I truly appreciate all the downloads. Again, you guys know everything that you do for this podcast is all charitable as charity and it generates charitable dollars that's donated to Still Serving, incorporated. Get on wwwstillservinginccom to learn more. But we have an amazing guest. I had a chance to take a picture. She's taller than me everyone, so if you go on Facebook you can see that. You know, beth had to kind of squat down a little bit, but her name is Beth Abbott. She is a first sergeant on active duty right now in the United States Marine Corps. Beth, welcome to the show.

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, thanks a lot, I appreciate it.

Mario P. Fields:

No, I appreciate you, and so let's just get right into it. Beth, can you do me a favor? Please tell the listeners and viewers just a little bit about you.

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for the opportunity. My name is Beth Abbott. I am a active duty first sergeant of over 20 years. I'm married. I have two kids. I'm 40 years old. I'm stationed on Quantico, virginia. I've been all over the world and I've done a lot. The Marine Corps offered me a lot and I've been a lot of places. I'm just happy to be part of this. Yeah, beautiful family, by the way, I stalk you. I mean, I'm just happy to be part of this.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, beautiful family. By the way, I stalk you. I mean, I'm sorry. Follow you on Facebook, thank you, I love you know I'm a social media person anyway, so I love the post. Yeah, and again thank you for your service. I mean, over 20 years, that is no easy commitment, so you know you had to keep reenlisting. So I appreciate it, I appreciate you, and Melissa is not cold right now in the Quantico area. You know summertime has come, but so let's just jump right into it. You know, recently you've had some unexpected challenges that maybe hit the newspaper, if you will. But my belief you and I barely have talked. You know, you guys know the deal, everyone. I don't get to know the guests too in detail, so this could be an authentic interview. But my belief, beth, is the latest events that you have endured is not really the most challenging things that you have dealt with in your life. Can you talk to us a little bit about what I'm talking about?

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, I can, and it's not the most challenging thing I ever have went through. I think, and I believe the most challenging thing I've ever went through was coming out to my parents when I was 28 years old that I was gay. Wow, that was the hardest thing to do. I remember telling myself I'd rather be in combat, getting shot at again than to feel that feeling of them at the time not accepting me and that wasn't right and, where I'm from, that was taboo and I've had talks with my parents about that. You know they came around after some months. I think it took my dad about nine months, it took my mom about three.

Beth Abbott:

But that feeling I felt deep inside me of I disappointed my parents it chokes me up right now talking about it because I still feel it that I'm not doing something right in their eyes. I didn't do the traditional marry, a man have kids. You know all that. I was completely the opposite of everyone else in my family and in my hometown and you know, do they love me? Do they support me? Does my hometown and everyone in my family? Absolutely. But the initial shock was the initial shock, right.

Mario P. Fields:

Wow, and you know it's interesting. I did an episode about two years ago amazing gentleman, and he talked about being Black, a Black male, and he said and being gay. And just to listen to his challenges, and even to listen to yours, it's just mind boggling. And why do you believe it took you so long to get that courage? Like what was it that you said? Enough is enough. I am who I am.

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, good question. I think you know. I remember it vividly. I woke up and I said enough is enough. And I called my mom and I told her and she thought it was just a phase I was going through, and same thing with my dad, but I was sick of hiding. You know, I'd been hiding my my whole life to to the fact that the woman I am with now is the first girl I ever liked, when I was 14 years old and she was 17. We were from, you know, blanchard Michigan and Lakeview Michigan, and I liked her and she liked me. It's just taboo. Back then, right Like stars aligned, we come back together. Life's fine, um, but it wasn't. I think it was. I was afraid of acceptance, of them accepting me, but I was like I was sick of living a lie. I was living a lie every single day. I mean, I even lied about having boyfriends, if you will, and dating people for years, and that wasn't real and I was. So it made me sick to my stomach to live a lie like that.

Mario P. Fields:

You know, beth, and the one thing on a side note, you know I'm from Michigan, you're from Michigan, so I always knew we had a connection. If you're from Ohio watching or listening to this, this episode, you can go ahead and sign off. No, I'm just joking, but you know. But, like you said, you am done, which is which is very kind of what's representative, representing of your behavior right now. Even with some of the things you're dealing with now and I love how you're open about it You're going. I'm not hiding from anything. I'm accepting my mistakes. I am not, I'm scared, but I am not going to run away from accepting who I am. I'm human and I can always improve, like everyone else. How long did your parents believe that this was a phase?

Beth Abbott:

I think, for probably almost a year or more, um, until they met, they had met my ex-wife, uh, melissa at active duty, marine, so to this day, great human being, great mother of our two kids, um, and they really got to know her and I think it's like, oh no, I think Beth is serious, right, like, and then it just became a thing and, and you know, unfortunately, you know, or whatever the word is our marriage did not work out, for, for reasons in itself, she's super happy now, I'm super happy now, and we moved on with life and we share our kids. And I think that's when my parents realized, like, you know, a year into it, like, oh, she's serious.

Mario P. Fields:

Right, yeah, have there ever been moments you know, especially serving, you know, on active duty, in any branch of service or anywhere where you know where you were, like man, I don't know if I want to bring my wife to this function or whatever you know, but you know. You said, but you know what, I don't care. I know my emotions are doing one thing, but I'm going to do it and be proud of it. Have you ever had that?

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, honestly, I never have, because I think I've always been such a blunt, confident individual, regardless of rank, regardless of my position of authority or my job. I just owned it and I think that's what's made me successful in my career. And what I'm going through now is I just own it and I kind of personal accountability is huge. I still struggle in some aspects right With with stuff, communication skills, other accountability things, but I mean what I'm going through right now. You just people make mistakes. You own it, you take personal accountability and you you turn a negative into a positive. And how can you help other people? By helping yourself as well.

Mario P. Fields:

And I will tell you go ahead. No, Beth, keep going.

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, I will tell you, you know, two things after coming out to my parents that I was gay that were hard. Two other things that were hard is getting hit by an IED in 2006 and then getting hit by an IED in 2012. And the 2012 one in Afghanistan was pretty bad, but we all lived right. But I think all the time of those both incidents 2006 and 2012, why am I still alive? It's almost sort of like survival guilt in a way, if my friends died by getting hit by an IED or shot at or whatever it was out in combat, and why? Why am I still alive?

Beth Abbott:

Like why not me? And I think about it every day in my brain, right, and then you fast forward from 2012 to May 31st of 2023 and me getting a DUI and me injuring two people. Um, and I can honestly sit here and say right now I would never take that night back. I'm glad I got the DUI. I'm not glad I injured two innocent people, and that should never happen but I'm glad I got the DUI because it made me do some self-reflection and it made me admit to Candice that I needed help and I was ready to accept help. To Candace that I needed help and I was ready to accept help. Um, and that's what led me to my path of healing, to go to low Ridge treatment center and start this whole journey.

Beth Abbott:

And now we're almost a year later and I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm starting to feel emotions Now. I'm starting to feel, um, you know, stuff that I've never felt, probably in my entire life, from how I was raised. Not that it was bad, I had a phenomenal childhood but how desensitized I let myself become because I am a Marine, because I was 10 foot tall and bulletproof, because I was that leader as a, you know all the way up to a command sergeant major. I mean now I'm a first sergeant and it's and it's okay, and finding my identity and my purpose again in my path. It's very hard but I I think I figured it out and I can navigate now of who Beth Abbott really is and learn to love myself again.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, and I love you, you know, I love how. You know you mentioned how you loved you as far as you were. You know I am who I am and you know we talk about that too is don't try to subscribe, and use that metaphor, but don't try to be someone else, don't you know? Don't try to subscribe to a culture so you can fit in. And I love how earlier you mentioned that. No, mario, I never had those emotions because I am confident in who I am and therefore everything else is kind of, you know, secondary. And the other thing is, you know, we all experience a lot of life challenges, you know, but one IED blast is one too many, you know. Two is again another one and, like you said, you have the survivor's guilt on top of that. And then you, you know, then you have the, the event in May of, you know, recently, these major events, that what have you learned? Reflecting back on all four of them? What is one thing you learned about Beth Abbott that you never was aware of?

Beth Abbott:

The more I realized and it goes along with your podcast to take the armor off and I don't just say that for a cliche, because I'm talking to you. It's the honest truth of to let my feelings out and show some emotion, specifically to the people that care about me the most, is okay. And I didn't believe it, honestly, I didn't really believe it or really take it fully off, and I don't even think I fully have yet. Um, until after the accident on May 31st. I mean that was a blast from the, that was a blast in the face. And not just social media, um, but New York times, the Fox news, all the local newspapers, the loop, local news stations, like rightfully so Right. And there was some stuff on there that wasn't even true, like a narcotics charge which was Tylenol in my vehicle, you know. But it is what it is and laws are laws and thank God I mean I don't do drugs, I've never done drugs in my life, but it's, you know, you're sort of guilty until proven innocent. No-transcript. Your struggles, your testimony, your trials and tribulations will be someone else's survival guide one day, and that's that's what it's all about. It's not just May 31st in that incident. I mean there's been.

Beth Abbott:

What I realized about myself, too is I've been depressed for years, years, and how I masked that was I turned it around and I'd smile on my face and show motivation to other people, and that's how I masked it for that many years. I didn't realize it until I went to treatment and how all this healing process and these the therapist and all this stuff and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, and now there are still days when I can feel myself getting depressed. But I feel it now. So I pick up the phone and I'll call Candice or I'll call a friend or I'll call my therapist. And I understand it now. I never understood it before and, furthermore, when I felt it back then, it didn't click in my brain.

Beth Abbott:

But I would cope with alcohol, right, and maybe that wasn't getting wasted every night Monday through Friday, but it was two or three drinks every night to cope with. I don't want to feel this way anymore. You know, it was just enough to take the edge off, to be like all right, I'm good, you know, but but for what right? For it to lead up to a stupid decision on May 31st and what ruined my career, ruin everything. Now, what it did was made Beth Abbott, who Beth Abbott is truly, and I have so much more to offer outside of the Marine Corps and what I'm doing right now, just in general, like I know, god has a bigger plan for me. I know that.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, amen. And and you know, beth, circumstance, I believe, reveals a lot of things about people and you know it's easy, just my belief that when things are going smooth, you know it's easy, just my belief that when things are going smooth, you know you could, you could do whatever. But but when things, when external factors occur and you didn't plan, you didn't see them, come in, sit back and watch it. And I've watched you and you've been amazing. I mean, I've seen numerous people get DUIs or whatever life events occur and they just disappear. And what I mean by that is, instead of going, you know what.

Mario P. Fields:

I'm going to be an advocate. I'm going to help more people. I'm going to tell my story, not for me, for other people, and to the point where you're on the phone with me the other day and everyone. I'm just going to let you guys know the type of person Beth is, as I just got recently diagnosed with major depressive disorder and had no idea like Beth.

Mario P. Fields:

So, thank you, and the medication is awesome, but and you listen to me, you know you're coming on my show and here I am going through some random, you know challenge and you're there for me, mario, thank you, and I appreciate the heck out of you. I am not going to hold you too much longer on this show because you got more things to do. As far as you know, being a very positive impact on people and just being a blessing, you've been a blessing to me and so if you had to give our listeners and viewers one piece of advice and it could be anything that's major in their lives where something hits them, if you will something that they weren't expecting, from an illness to whatever, if you can give them a piece of advice, what would you give them?

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, I think I can wrap it up in a few things and I'll do that quickly. Have a therapist before you need a therapist, right? Maybe it's not a clinical therapist, like a person that has a degree, maybe maybe it's just you need to talk to someone, whether that be a family member, a best friend, someone that you can vent to, because we're human beings and we hide everything in and we have this. You know persona about us. You know, whatever job you have, I would say too, when you look in the mirror and what I realized over the few years is the only person judging you and the only opinion that matters is the person staring back at you. That's hard to understand and to sort of open yourself up. But, like, the right people will love you for the right reasons at the right time, right.

Beth Abbott:

I've learned that through adversity and challenges, my friends, my real friends, have sorted themselves out in my life. I think there were people that were just riding the Beth Abbott bandwagon, whether that be before the Marine Corps or now in the Marine Corps, and because of my adversity, specifically talking about May 31st, there are some people that have sat at my table with my family that are not friends of mine because I did something wrong and unethical there, you know. So it sorts itself out and that is okay and let that be a natural thing, that adversity and circumstances will sort themselves out and and be happy about that and be proud of that. But be proud of the fact that you're a human being. We all have emotions and I used to tell myself all the time and tell all other people, I'm a Marine, I don't have emotions, you know, and it's not, it's not. You know, what made me have emotions legitimately is having a kid.

Beth Abbott:

I could feel that right, and then having kids and having that and going through that and now understanding who I am and being okay with it and truly loving yourself. The right people will be in your life for the right reasons at the right time, and I think that's the best advice I could give someone. And if I can leave you guys with a quote, the best advice I could give someone and if I could leave you guys with a quote, it would be this never be selfish enough to have a bad day. And Chief Foreign Officer to retired Jody. Ralph Nelson, a former drill instructor, when we were down there together, said that to me and I tell you what in 2007,. His advice is all I needed in that moment to continue to go.

Mario P. Fields:

Well, beth, first serge Sergeant, United States Marine Corps. I appreciate you know everything you have done in the Marines and outside of the Marine Corps, everything you continue to do, and I truly appreciate you removing your armor to come on this show to help people for centuries to come. Unless they delete YouTube, this would be out there to help folks forever, beth. So I thank you, I appreciate you and tell Candace I said hello. Give the girls a hug from Mari and Nicole. You know we're short, so you got to put your little short arms. You know what I mean.

Beth Abbott:

Thank you so much.

Mario P. Fields:

You know what I'm saying. I love it. You know the deal. You got my phone number. We'll always text and stay in touch. But everybody, thank you again for tuning in for this special episode with Beth Abbott. Beth, if people want to learn more from you, follow you whatever. How can they get in touch with you?

Beth Abbott:

Yeah, absolutely. Then get in touch with me on social media. My name on Facebook is Buffy Abbott. B-u-f-f-y, space A-B-B-O-T-T, and I'm an open book.

Mario P. Fields:

I'm here to tell my story and to help other people. Yes, everybody, you guys know the deal. Well, until next time, everyone, I'll see you guys in a couple of weeks, or you can hear me, unless there's a special episode, but you guys know the deal. I pray that God. May God continue to bless your family, may God continue to bless your friends and, most importantly, may God continue to bless you, the listener. Viewer. Be safe, beth, I'll talk to you soon.

Beth Abbott:

Thank you, take care.

Mario P. Fields:

Thank you for listening to this most recent episode and remember you can listen and watch all of the previous episodes on my YouTube channel. The best way to connect to me and all of my social media is follow me on the parade deck that is wwwparadecom, or you can click on the link in the show notes. I'll see you guys soon.

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