Unarmored Talk

Forgiveness Changed Me FOREVER: A Journey of Healing and Growth

• King Jaquell Martin • Episode 120

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King Jaquell Martin, a U.S. Army veteran, director, author, producer, motivational speaker, survivor of police brutality, and actor known for 'A War on Friendly Grounds' (2020), joins us for an 'unarmored' discussion about the delicate intricacies of forgiveness and its vital role in mending the emotional fabric of our lives.

Together, we explore the nuances of public perception and racial stereotypes, highlighting the importance of discovering individuality in a world quick to generalize. Our conversation emphasizes the courage required to extend forgiveness, especially when it is hard-earned.

King shares poignant stories of a mother's unwavering sacrifices and a friend's enduring influence from beyond the grave, as powerful testaments to the bonds that shape and define us.



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Mario P. Fields:

Welcome back to unarmor talk podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching each episode and continue pleased to share with your friends and family members and colleagues, and don't forget to leave a rating or review. If you feel this is a awesome show and you can connect to all of my social media on the parade deck, just look in a show notes or you can put in the search engine Mario P Fields parade deck and get all access To my social media. Well, let's get ready to interview another guest who is willing to remove their armor to help other people. What's going on, everybody? I'm your host, mario P Fields, and we have another guest willing to remove their armor to help everyone Develop at least an accurate way of thinking. You guys know the deal. We're all emotional, human beings are emotional, but if we can just think through some of these life turbulence, these external factors that hit us, at least we can improve the outcome of situations when they come In our flight pattern. If you will, we have today King Jack Quo Martin, everyone. What's going on, king? You mind for calling you King? Hey, I don't mind, brother, I'm just happy to be here. Family, everyone will be for. I turn the mic over to our amazing guest today.

Mario P. Fields:

Again, don't forget to follow, subscribe and share the audio on all social audio platforms and then get on a YouTube channel. You guys know the deal. We have a playlist on our an armored talk podcast playlist. So it's the podcast is. So you guys know. It's not the YouTube channel. Youtube channel is Mario P Fields, but an armored talk is a playlist and you guys know the deal. Every time you share, you like, you watch, you do any of that stuff or you download audio, every single time you do that, you're generating funds that I donate to my nonprofit. Still serving incorporated WWW, still serving ink. Go check it out. Last year we get we raised over 10k. This year's goal is 20k. We are heading that direction. Help me out. We're done with the admin. We're done with that stuff. You guys know how it goes over to King. My friend, tell the listeners of viewers a little bit about yourself.

King Jaquelle Martin:

Well, my name is King Jack Well Martin, a director, actor, author, motivational speaker, veteran and a survivor of police brutality.

Mario P. Fields:

Wow, you know everyone. Just so you guys know, I've had a chance to I'm sad and blessed to be able to get to know King over the last about a month. So I'll be honest, before this show I was gonna do all of that, you know, introduce all the wonderful things he's doing. I said no, I'm not gonna do that because he's just amazing. If you guys, before we begin into this, interview King, how can they find you? Because it folks need to find you on social media and Instagram and learn more about the great things you're doing.

King Jaquelle Martin:

Well, you can definitely find me on my Instagram. It's my name King Jaquel Martin. That's ki ng Ja Q. You E W L M A R T I am nice, nice.

Mario P. Fields:

And then he didn't say he's a very humble person. He served 700 and 77 years United States Army. I.

King Jaquelle Martin:

Like 10 years strong, 10 years strong.

Mario P. Fields:

Well, you know, you guys heard of Mitch and things, director, you know, author, actor, your motivational speaker, inspirational speaker. He does both. He can come in and motivate you and inspire you. But he also kind of concluded right the suffix, if you will, if his introduction was survivor of police brutality. Now, a lot of folks, including myself. When I first met King, everyone I was like I wanted it. Let's talk about. How did you survive? You know what went through your mind, how did you thrive after police brutality in uniform? But From my basic understanding, my friend, that really wasn't the main turbulence in your life that you had to Get through is it Now?

King Jaquelle Martin:

we've all been through multiple layers of things. Life is like an onion. Everything has its own layer in itself. But I'm just grateful that what I realized, especially being a director and an actor, that life is like a movie and Then you have to become your own hero in your own story. Life is always going to have a protagonist or something that's going to come against you. The question is are you willing to save yourself and are you willing to surround yourself in a great environment where you can flourish and grow To be able to save yourself?

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, and, and let's talk about what is that. What was that thing for you that that really caused turbulence? If you I use that metaphor In your life where you had to do some self-reflection and said wait a minute, I need, I need to unpack this and Take this head on, what was that?

King Jaquelle Martin:

Well, the first thing I would say was the police brutality Mm-hmm. And when I looked at the police brutality situation because the officer that assaulted me is the same officer who assaulted the young lady at Spring Valley High School I had to realize that I'm not the first person to go through police brutality. I'm not the last person, but I thank God that I was able to survive, because there's so many people who look like me that don't survive those situations Right, and if I am gonna still be here with this amazing opportunity that you know, may they rest in power in love. Sandra Bland, george Floyd, breonna Taylor, eric Garner, philando Castile so many names. Trayvon Martin didn't get to survive. I wanna make sure that I take the opportunity to one honor their lives, honor my ancestors and create a better opportunity with the gift of life that I got.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, and when that happened, did you have any emotions of like confusion? You know why me? What was it? Aside from, maybe what I looked like, maybe where I was at, what I was dressing, you know what I had on? Did you ever have any self-reflection where you're going? Why would he even do that to?

King Jaquelle Martin:

me? Yeah, of course I was in my military uniform and I'm like God. I served my country faithfully 10 years. Why is it that I can go on foreign lands and fight people that I don't know and then come back home and I'm not protected, where everyone's supposed to have freedom, liberty and justice for all? That means all races, but do we actually have it? So it made me in the conflict access question. Is the flag a lie? Now that doesn't mean every single police officer is back. Shout out to the good police officers that are out there doing the right thing, that are fighting for justice, that are doing the right things and abiding by the law to create a better place for all of us to live in. But for the ones that don't, I think you should be treated like a regular civilian when you don't follow along.

Mario P. Fields:

And that's remarkable that you had mentioned. I have seen so many people experience a wrongdoing from another person it could be a doctor or whatever. For this podcast, we'll talk about what you experienced and as police brutality and I've witnessed so many people. We call it an oddness belief where if one person does something then they're all bad, and I love how you said, just because you experienced this and you started to question things on a macro level, you still didn't develop this belief that all police officers are bad. How did you think through that? Like, what was it about you that allowed you to think through that and not emotionally react to that Because I don't want?

King Jaquelle Martin:

all people to think that black people are gangsters or all black people are bad. So why would I have the same way or the same mindset of the people that I feel like and I'm not saying all white people, but certain people that are empowered, that oppress people? Why would I take on their mindset? I'm not gonna allow one situation that did take my life. I get to be in control of how I think and how I feel and how I move, and Lisa Nichols had a quote. She said let your pain and your hate become your gasoline to your automobile of success.

King Jaquelle Martin:

So, instead of allowing all my hurt and my rage to take me into this sunken place, the reason why you hear all these titles now is because I allowed my pain and I put those things into a positive place to take me to places that I never thought that I would Like. Everyone thinks love takes you so far. That's true. But hurt, anger these are different emotions that we also have. So when you learn how to channel and have emotional intelligence to use these emotions and put that energy into the right place, it could also take different levels as well.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, and I love how you stayed there. I mean, cause, that's a choice and I love how you chose to do that. That's why I love this podcast, cause we have amazing guests like you. That shows that hopefully demonstrate to the audience that it's a choice, and you made the choice to think that way. But I know that there was a journey. My belief is that it was a journey, and let's talk about forgiveness so often. At what point? After this assault, this unfortunate assault occurs to you here, you are on active duty and, like you mentioned, I could protect what I believe is our nation's most precious jewel car freedom. And now you come back to the country and you get assaulted by someone who's supposed to protect and serve. But where did the forgiveness start to come in? How was that journey?

King Jaquelle Martin:

Well, it comes with time. I'm not saying that something happens to you and you automatically forgive. That would be a lie, because then you didn't go through the process of healing. Healing is a choice. Forgiveness takes strength. A lot of people think that forgiveness is a weakness. When I went on Jake Tapper and he said if you saw the officer again, what would you say? I said I would forgive him.

King Jaquelle Martin:

But the experience of the forgiveness wasn't for the other person. Forgiveness is actually for yourself and what you've been through. So you can create the space for yourself, so you can heal. And I think a lot of times we don't forgive ourselves, and when we don't forgive ourselves for the different traumas that we've been through, either we compartmentalize it or we live in the hamster wheel of the trauma and we wonder why we can't get out of that rat race. So I did not want to continue that cycle because I could have. I could have went and did something ignorant, something wrong, but what that would have done is that would have changed who I am, and so what I would rather do is allow that to elevate me, to become better, so that way I can create a better future for everyone who comes after me.

Mario P. Fields:

Man, that's powerful. Did you guys hear that? What may I tell you? Start to forgive for you. Yeah, you guys heard how King said that First focus on what you can control, and that's you. And, as you stated, I love it how you said the forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, the forgiveness is for not to blame yourself for what happened, but the forgiveness for you to start to develop peace. And then I love how you said hey, this is for me to become a better version of me, whatever that may be, to better the next generation of people and not to be a hypocrite. Right, not to be a hypocrite. How long, king, do you, if you can recall, how long do you believe it took you? Because we know you're never going to forget, but how long do you think it took you to go? I'm at peace. I'm at peace with what happened. Now it's time to really move forward.

King Jaquelle Martin:

It took me, honestly, about six to seven months, and the reason why is when I went to this place called CEO space, which is a private entrepreneur conference, this white lady, who didn't even know me, she walks up to me and she touches me on my stomach and I'm like what in the world? Older lady, but I don't want to be rude. And she says you have to give birth to that. Now, mind you, I'm in my sunken place of my depression, right? So no one has ever spoke to me in this manner, especially in my dark place. But sometimes in your darkest place, you can find your biggest rainbows, because you've never seen a rainbow in life without rain. So this young lady comes up to me. She says you got to give birth to that. I'm like, excuse me. She says you don't know who you are yet, do you? And I didn't want to take offense to what she said. I want it to be open. She says that, hey, I'm going to tell you something. I need you to be OK with this. I said yes, ma'am. She said who's your favorite basketball player? I named Colby Bryant. I said all the Kobe stats. May he rest in power and love. And she says it's amazing, you know a lot about Kobe, but what are your stats and who are you?

King Jaquelle Martin:

And it made me reflect on man. I can know everything about everybody else, but what do I honestly know about me? What are my notes? What is my legacy? Will that situation dictate my life or will I take control in the reins of my life? And then she said everything that you see is someone else's dream. And if you're always participating in someone else's dream, who's participating in your dream? And when did their dreams become more important than your dreams?

King Jaquelle Martin:

Now I had a choice when I was at this fork in the road. Either I can allow the situation to dictate the rest of my life and say this is it, I'm gonna be angry, I'm gonna be mad, I'm gonna be stay stuck, or I can choose to take control of my life, my dreams, and I can honor everyone else who isn't here, because I had survivor's guilt. Now I'm still here. And so many people who aren't here. They look just like me. I still spend on the news. Am I not doing enough? And if I'm going to be here, then I wanna be here to make a difference. Use me to you. Use me up, cause I don't wanna be here if I'm not going to create the change that I want to see. I don't want my boys to go through this. I don't want other people's families to go through this. So how can I love more? Because I believe love really does conquer all. The question is what we choose to love.

Mario P. Fields:

And isn't that interesting? Like you said, about seven months, a stranger, and again here you are, assaulted by white police officer. You could have developed an honest belief which is a very dangerous belief that all people who look white cause. Just because they look white doesn't mean they're white. But you could have developed this false belief that out of the 8.5 billion humans on earth, if they're of white complexion, that they're all gonna be some type of. That's ignorance, some behavior that's gonna be a detriment and you didn't do it, no, sir. And just the power of developing this, choosing this option of no, everybody is their own person and I'm gonna love and demonstrate love in a way to change the world. Have anyone ever in your network looked at you and said why are you so calm? Why are you so positive? How can you forgive? Have you ever had that happen to you, my friend?

King Jaquelle Martin:

Of course I went online and the comment section is crazy. I called everything but a child of God. Oh my gosh.

King Jaquelle Martin:

But that's part of the process. Yep, any movie we watch, we watch a person overcome things, and trolls are things that you have to overcome if you so choose to, or you can allow people's opinion to become the distraction to block you from blossoming into everything that you need to be. If life is like a video game, at the end of the level there's a boss and you have to defeat the boss to be able to get to the next level. So my question is for the viewers is what is the boss at the end of the level that's stopping you from leveling up? Because you will repeat the same thing over and over again until you choose to defeat the boss in your life, whatever that distraction is, whatever that pain is, whatever that love is. And can't no one do this for you, because you have to choose to do it with your own fury will, which reminds me of my mother and my stepdad. See, you have to be careful with how you talk to people, because you never know who's gonna be the person to bless you.

King Jaquelle Martin:

My mother married a young man named Andre Flowers who was in prison. As a kid, I was a ring bearer in prison. I remember being a teenager and Andre was calling and he'd be like hey, you can't go nowhere, you're grounded. Man, who are you talking to? You're not my father, you're grounded, you can't go nowhere, you're locked up and we will bump heads. So bad. But eventually, every time I started going to the prison and I started seeing people look at their family members, it gave me a different perspective and it took a while for it to get there. So when I got wrongfully assaulted by the police, it took me four years to get to court. My mom had to pay for a lawyer for a million my ex to be able to defend ourselves. We were found not guilty on all charges.

King Jaquelle Martin:

When Andre was finally free from jail one day, they found him hanging from a basketball room in Virginia and it messed me up because I didn't think that that's something that we would do. I feel like something happened to him. I don't know. That's not the point of it. The point of it is when I went to my mother and I said, mom, I know you don't got money like that. How'd you pay for this? How'd you pay for these lawyers? She said I want you to sit out. I said, mama, I don't want to sit out. She said, son sit out. I said yes, ma'am, mama, how'd you pay for this? She said I was able to pay for your freedom with Andres money when he passed away. So the same person that was locked up, the same person that I was arguing with, is the same person that paid for the lawyers to give me my freedom, and I'll never get a chance to tell him. Thank you, I'm sorry. I appreciate you. I didn't understand. I was a kid, but this man gave me something that I never thought that he would ever give me. So that's why you got to be careful with who you talk to, because you never know who's the person that's going to bless your life and change your life. And right now, to this day, I'm so grateful.

King Jaquelle Martin:

And when my mother we were growing up, she went from my hero to my fallen hero because I couldn't understand why she wanted to put these men in my life to try to play the role of my father. But at the same time, I had to ask my mother. I want everyone in the audience to understand this. Sometimes you have to ask your parents what's their story to get a better understanding, because if you actually knew what they went through as children and if you actually understood that there's no blueprint at parenting, you might be able to find mercy and forgiveness in your heart from the things that you've been through, because my mom had three kids by the time she was 21,. I couldn't imagine what it was like to have that, yeah. And now I went back to my mom and I had to say Mama, I'm sorry, mama, can you forgive my ignorance, can you forgive me for not knowing your story, because I love you and you've done so much? And the thing about it was was you just wanted somebody to be there for me? You know why? Because I didn't know my father. I met my father maybe three to four times my whole life.

King Jaquelle Martin:

When I finally met my father, who just passed away, we really didn't have a relationship, and I struggled with that because I begged and plead for the relationship that he couldn't give me. Please hear me out. Sometimes we might want things from other people that we might not get, and we got to be okay with it. But what I realized, mr Mario, was it wasn't my father's purpose for me to know him. Maybe my father's purpose was just to give me life, so that way I can fulfill my own purpose and not become a curse of what I thought my father was, because, honestly, he was just another man just like me, and I had to come to the understanding of finding healing from my father, from finding healing with my mom, from finding healing with Andre, from finding healing with this police experience because, at the end of the day, all the healing that I've been through was my own responsibility to find, which gives me the formula that we always talk about, mr Mario, which is emotional intelligence equals life divided by you.

King Jaquelle Martin:

I'm going to say that one more time for the viewers yeah, emotional intelligence equals life divided by you. Now, what does that mean? I don't care what you believe. You can call a higher power, mother, earth, an energy God. For me, I call it God. When you were born, you were born with a gift of emotions Happy, sad, love, anger. No one had to teach you this, you were already pre-programmed. Your emotions are your superpowers, but there's one thing to have emotions and there's another thing to be emotional, and the difference between having emotions and being emotional is your emotional intelligence equals life. Life was here before all of us. Mr Mario, right, oh, yeah, okay. So in life, you're gonna have good experiences and you're gonna have bad experiences and you are the common denominator of your own life.

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah.

King Jaquelle Martin:

So how you choose to feel about your good experiences and how you choose to feel about your bad experiences, you'll create your own heaven and hell. See, we have to go through the bad, because how would we know what good is if we've never been through things? So when you learn how to appreciate your bad moments and change the perspective of what you've been through because, I guarantee this, somebody wishes they were still alive to have your type of problem- yeah, yeah, you know, and I tell you first, my heart goes out to your loved ones that are no longer here.

Mario P. Fields:

Thank you. So, first of all, you stepped up dead and you're biological father and second, thank you for coming on the show. Remove your armor, king, because you didn't have to. Yeah, but that's powerful, to go back to share this, to share this with the audience the power of a belief system, the power of your ability to develop a belief without facts, research and how it drives a person, how you had developed this belief about things, just to find out it was false. Yeah, and how you chose from the police officer to the things that have happened in your life. My friend, how, here you are today, when you're 27, you're 30, you look young, so I'll go 20, you know 21 Kings.

King Jaquelle Martin:

Today I'm 44.

Mario P. Fields:

I'm just, I'm joking, but you hear, what I'm saying is that it's a choice, yeah, and, like you said, we won't live forever. No, but if at least if a few folks listen to this, they can self-reflect, challenge your belief systems and understand that love is powerful man. And so I'm honored that you would share that testimony and, like I said, I appreciate it. But you know, like all the other guests, I stopped saying you guys are busy about two years ago, because you're not, you guys are. All the guests are having fun doing amazing things. I watch you on social media and I will put all the you know, the links in the show notes so folks can they, can, they can, you know, get your book and everything else and watch the documentary. But is there any one last piece of advice? Because you've given some amazing advice. But if there's one thing I mean looking back at everything and how you just developed this amazing ability to forgive, thrive and heal, my friend, if there's one thing that you can give folks, what would you give them?

King Jaquelle Martin:

Where are you taking all that pain? Where are you carrying it to? How is it helping your life? It's like holding dead weights of memories of the things that you've been through. My question is how fast can you run if you hold on to all the things that you've been through in your life? How much further can you get to your goal? Right, but if you can find the forgiveness and let those weights go, how much further would you go? See, that's the question. The question is where are you going with all that pain? Because if you let that pain go, in the day that you fall back in love with yourself and realize that, hey, you're not even in that moment, no more, you're not even in the same situation, no more. Why are we still carrying it?

Mario P. Fields:

Yeah, yeah, thank you, man, and you guys heard him. I mean, he's given so much stuff that might probably be in debt You're going to have to invoice me about. You know, when a net 180, fall in love with yourself Fall in love, love yourself, man.

Mario P. Fields:

How can you love others if you don't love yourself? King, thank you so much. I truly appreciate you, man. I love you. Thanks for your service again, and we'll continue to talk. I mean, even though you're a guest on the show, we'll be talking forever until I get told to tell you.

King Jaquelle Martin:

Oh wait, wait, I don't got to get my coat. Since this is an armor, I got to take off my jacket. I got to be unarmed. One time my quote that I'll always end things with is if you die today, would you get an A plus on life's report card? And only you know the answer to that question. But if not, and you're blessed to see tomorrow, you should live like it's extra credit, because we're all six degrees of separation from love in each other. The question is will we? And every day that you wake up is an opportunity to change your future, but it's the closer day to your grade, so you got to be great with every breath you take, because it could be your last.

Mario P. Fields:

Hey man, hey man. Well, you guys know the deal. I'll see you guys in a couple of weeks, but until then, I hope everyone is still living and just like King said, man, hey, every day is a gift and literally is, but until next time. You guys know how I sign off. Everyone knows this. And if you don't, if you're the first time listener of you or here we go. God bless you, god bless your family and friends. You guys be safe. Thanks, my friend. Thank you for listening to this most recent episode and remember you can listen and watch all of the previous episodes on my YouTube channel. The best way to connect to me and all of my social media is follow me on the Parade deck. That is wwwparadedeckcom, or you can click on the link in the show notes. I'll see you guys soon.

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