Have you ever felt crushed under the weight of unrealistic New Year's resolutions and the relentless pursuit of perfection? You're not alone. Journey with me as we explore the transformation that unfolds when we embrace the power of starting small. Like the first tender sprouts in a spring garden, the tiniest steps can often lead to the most sustainable growth. In today's conversation, I peel back the layers of my own life, revealing the evolution of my home, my quest for a sustainable lifestyle, and how adopting the bare minimum approach has allowed me to progress without the pressure to be perfect. I'll guide you through the art of making incremental changes, sharing how they can cumulatively lead to significant personal and environmental transformations.
Navigating through the thicket of societal expectations, we'll uncover the art of setting boundaries for the sake of our own peace and well-being—especially as the years grace us with wisdom on where to invest our energy. You'll hear about the snares of people-pleasing and how curating our social circles and digital diet can act as the balm for our mental health. As we peer into the horizon of 2024, I outline my aspirations to prioritize holistic well-being and bring to light the importance of mindful spending—setting sail away from the tumultuous seas of consumerism and clutter. Together, we'll look forward to an exciting new season filled with impactful discussions on female health and the empowerment philosophy for all the 'selfish moms' out there, because when we replenish our own cups, everyone around us benefits.
Have you ever felt crushed under the weight of unrealistic New Year's resolutions and the relentless pursuit of perfection? You're not alone. Journey with me as we explore the transformation that unfolds when we embrace the power of starting small. Like the first tender sprouts in a spring garden, the tiniest steps can often lead to the most sustainable growth. In today's conversation, I peel back the layers of my own life, revealing the evolution of my home, my quest for a sustainable lifestyle, and how adopting the bare minimum approach has allowed me to progress without the pressure to be perfect. I'll guide you through the art of making incremental changes, sharing how they can cumulatively lead to significant personal and environmental transformations.
Navigating through the thicket of societal expectations, we'll uncover the art of setting boundaries for the sake of our own peace and well-being—especially as the years grace us with wisdom on where to invest our energy. You'll hear about the snares of people-pleasing and how curating our social circles and digital diet can act as the balm for our mental health. As we peer into the horizon of 2024, I outline my aspirations to prioritize holistic well-being and bring to light the importance of mindful spending—setting sail away from the tumultuous seas of consumerism and clutter. Together, we'll look forward to an exciting new season filled with impactful discussions on female health and the empowerment philosophy for all the 'selfish moms' out there, because when we replenish our own cups, everyone around us benefits.
Welcome to the Selfish Mom Podcast, a podcast for you, so you don't get burnt out like a mother. I'm your host, ali K, and this is the Selfish Mom Podcast. Learn to prioritize your mental and physical health first, so we can thrive and not just survive. Let's take action, become our best selves together and redefine selfish as the most selfless thing we could do. It's going to be 2024.
Speaker 2:
It has been a minute I have missed you guys. On today's episode I want to talk about what we're doing differently in 2024. Now we are close to the end of January and you might have been setting all those resolutions, you had all these goals and the past couple weeks. Maybe you just aren't where you want to be. But on this episode it's all for you to just help you get back into the grind and keep pushing forward in 2024. So stick around.
Speaker 2:
The older I get, the more I hate New Year's resolutions, because I feel like the day before January 1st or maybe a couple days if you're organized, and on top of it we start to make our vision boards, we're saying, as soon as January 1st comes, we're going to just be magically this different person, we're going to start living a completely different life. We're going to set all these goals, big goals for ourselves, and then, just as soon as we wake up January 1st, we're just going to magically be able to go and do these things, and obviously it's not realistic whatsoever. That's why I think the statistic is don't quote me on this but by week two of January, you most likely have fallen short of your new lifestyle, of your goals that you set for yourself for the New Year and you're probably resorting to just doing nothing and you're back to living the same life you were living up to December 31st and I know you've heard me talk about this before that all or nothing thinking. The all or nothing thinking is a distorted type of thinking. We are all victim of the all or nothing thinking and it's where we think it has to be perfect or when it's not perfect, we resort to doing nothing, like it's just black and white, there's no gray, there's no middle area. So New Year's resolution is like the perfect example of the all or nothing thinking, because we think we're just going to start living this extremely new lifestyle, we're going to make these extreme changes and then all of a sudden, when we have like a piece of cookie that day, or maybe we miss our workout or whatever it is that we just like miss that doesn't support this new, perfect lifestyle, we say, oh crap, I ruined it. So I might as well eat another cookie, or I might as well just not work out for the next couple of days, and then we resort to doing nothing because we don't know how to navigate the in between of it, just like being small actions. You know where it's just like, not how, oh my god, I'm battling where it just like doesn't have to be perfect is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:
So it's that all or nothing thinking, where we think things are perfect or we resort to doing nothing, and that's what I kind of just want to throw into your awareness of, like, if that's been you and you find yourself just like in this funk you know we're at the end of January I want to let you know that it's okay. You know, if you want to make some type of lifestyle change, you want to, you know, start living a little differently. I really urge you and encourage you and almost like challenge you to accept living life or accept, like it, living by just doing the bare minimum. And I know this is kind of very different than what we think of, like the bare minimum is kind of looked down upon. But if you just trust me and understand that the bare minimum is a great way to start, if you want to make a change, you have to start small. You can't just like fully dive into it and expect it to be sustainable. You have to start somewhere and that's where the bare minimum action comes about Like, just commit to doing the bare minimum. You define what your bare minimum is and go from there. So that's like my whole spiel on the whole New Year's resolution. If you feel like you have fallen off track, you don't know how to get back on track, you don't know how to make that change that you want to make, start with doing the bare minimum action. The bare minimum action are just small actions that you can do each day, no matter what, no matter how busy you are, no matter how crazy life gets. It's something you can consistently do each day. That will bring you closer to your goals and as time goes on, you'll like stack upon this bare minimum action. So try doing that the next couple of weeks and then see where you are. But that's the whole New Year's resolution situation.
Speaker 2:
So I kind of just want to catch you up on what's been going on in my life. It's been a minute since I've done a solo episode and I have to be honest with the podcast. I always want to do episodes that I'm into, you know, not episodes that I'm forced to Like. I want to be inspired, and today I was inspired to do a solo episode just because I know a lot has been going on and it's a new year, so I want to catch you up on everything. As far as what we're doing with our house, we have still not taken out a new construction loan.
Speaker 2:
We're living in a rental, but each day, like talk about the bare minimum action, I'm trying to do like little things that will bring me closer to what I truly want. You know, I have this big vision that I'm going to be living on all this land and I'm going to be growing my own food and I'm going to have horses and cows and this beautiful large garden that I can go out to every day and harvest my crops and feed my family and talk about like that, all or nothing, thinking Like that's my huge, extreme, perfect dream, but like I haven't even started making those small steps towards those dreams, meaning like how the heck am I just one day going to have this like beautiful big garden that's going to feed my family, when I haven't even, like tried gardening before you know? So that's what I've been focusing on. At our rental. I've been trying to do, like this suburban homestead thing where, you know, I started doing a 10 by 10 garden. No idea what I'm doing. My husband made these like barriers with wood. I got some soil and some seeds and I planted cucumbers. I planted tomatoes. My tomatoes have not sprouted beans which, like, if you want to get into gardening beans are so just they sprout really fast. So it's very like instant gratification where it makes you feel like you are capable of growing stuff, whereas, like, my cucumbers have sprouted, but my cucumber won't be ready until the springtime, so that's you know, a little longer, but beans sprout right away. My tomatoes have not sprouted, unfortunately, and my peppers are starting to sprout. Other than that, that's all I've really planted in my 10 by 10 garden, but I just feel so good because I feel like I'm taking a little step towards like that bigger picture.
Speaker 2:
We also got five little chickens. I have been dying to get chickens because obviously I want eggs, but now I'm like chicken obsessed. They're about like five weeks. We got them during Christmas time and so the chickens are in our house. They're in a brooder box with like the light, and every week they grow substantially more than the size they were the previous week. Like chickens grow really fast but they are not ready to go outside yet. We're going to transfer them into the coop, probably when they're like eight, nine, ten weeks old. I'm going to see how long I can keep them in the brooder box just because I'm so scared about transferring them outside.
Speaker 2:
But again, I feel like getting the chickens and actually, you know, experiencing them. Even though it's not like this huge flock of like 40 chickens, I have my five little chickens. That again I feel like I'm taking that little step, that like bare minimum action for me when it comes to supporting my dream of like having a homestead. So that's kind of like the example of a bare minimum action and like the lifestyle category and not so much just like the fitness and weight loss goals. I really think like the bare minimum action, like committing to the bare minimum action with any area of your life that you have a bigger goal is really helpful, or like the goal to change or create something new. It's like starting with the bare minimum action. So in a couple weeks we are going to finally take out our new construction loan. We just got our finished plans two days ago well, on Friday. So a couple days ago we got our finished plans. So now we can start, you know, getting bids, we can start getting cost analysis on things.
Speaker 2:
We had to make so many edits to our plans. Well, at first we went through many different plans. I think we went through at least like three or four different house plans. Because of cost we were definitely a little too ambitious with the house and the size and the pitching of the roof that we wanted. But we we agreed on a plan that I love. It's very modern ranch house. I think my like aesthetic for interior has definitely kind of been moving to the modern side, so I really love our house plan. We had to condense the plan and then make some edits on it so we just got the final plans back that have, like the electrical, the construction plans, like all the things. So now we're ready to go to the bank and get a loan out. There's still some things that we're working like financially on our side just so that we can get the best rate at the bank. You know we go in there looking really good so we're kind of like tweaking that or doing what we can financially on our side before we can go to the bank and get a loan. So we're hoping within the next couple weeks and I feel like once we get the new construction loan, that's where progress will actually be made on the whole thing, because you know there'll be money, right.
Speaker 2:
But my husband, I have really had to sit down and realistically, you know, talk about what our goals are financially for our family and what we envision for the future, because you know it costs a lot to build a house and there there were definitely things for our house that were like non-negotiables that we had to have in a house, but there were also things that we needed to say, hey, we truly can't afford this and it's unrealistic for us to have it like. One thing my husband really wanted was a pool, and I know that's definitely like a luxury and Florida, a lot of homes have pools and during the summertime, you know, to have a pool is a great thing. But realistically, like we had to ask that and and kind of be like let's just put that in our vision board for the future, you know where maybe we work towards that one day and we had to be honest with what we truly wanted. We do not want to be upside down on this house or just every month be so tight trying to pay the monthly payment for this house. And I also had to take a step back and I think I'm the one to kind of remind my husband just because we're building a house doesn't mean it needs to be finished and complete right away.
Speaker 2:
I love working towards things. I think that's what makes it just worth it. And my husband, I love projects Like, yes, we want a completed house, but there's things that we can work towards or add in the future. Like one thing is I want the wood beams. Like I want wood beams in my house on the ceilings, but financially we might not be able to get those right away. Like that's something that we can work towards in the future. The pool is something we can work towards the future. So it's still like, yeah, we'll have a completed house that's built, but there'll be different phases in the house that are on our vision board that we're working towards. So those are just conversations my husband and I had a half with each other and really get in line with what we want, what we kind of financially afford and how we really just every month, we don't want to be strapped to a house, you know, to a house payment. We still want to have freedom to have vacations or, you know, have the animals that we want, because, lord, I'm also learning how much you know it costs to just feed farm animals. So we've definitely had to like reel it in and just be realistic. Realistic about the process, but I'm excited. I think it just makes it all worth working towards. So that's like the whole update on my house farm situation.
Speaker 2:
I kind of want to talk about my goals overall in 2024 that you might be having or wanting to like have the same goals. So I just turned 35 two days ago and I feel like every year you get a little wiser right, and this year I feel like I'm definitely transitioning more and more where I am becoming more guarded as a person. I think I'm definitely a people pleaser. I mean, it's not that I think I know I am a people pleaser and I struggle with it and maybe you struggle with it. Like I have a hard time letting people down or saying no. You know, I feel like sometimes I put others people's feelings in front of mine, like at the expense of my feelings or me being comfortable, like I want other people to feel comfortable. Therefore, I might compromise something about my own comfort.
Speaker 2:
You know, for other people, stuff like that is kind of my definition of people pleasing and what I struggle with and I've just realized, you know, as I get older, I truly have just become so aware of who and what I spend my time and my energy with, and who I spend my time and my energy with and who I surround myself and what I surround myself Because, ultimately, who and what you surround yourself with is what you become. You know, that's what you allow in your life. It contributes to the way you think, your energy, your moods, all the things. And I have definitely been someone who's just like overly open, you know, to people, overly trusting, overly, like just kind of in it.
Speaker 2:
And I feel like this year, like the end of last year and especially going into this year, I'm definitely feeling like I'm pulling back more and reserving myself Because, at the end of the day, you know, I feel my peace being a little disrupted because of like things and people and certain situations I've surrounded myself with. So that's like a major goal for me in 2024 is, you know, setting those boundaries, saying no, you know, stepping away from certain things that bring me down rather than loving me back, or just things that are bringing me up. Are the things that I want to, you know, gravitate towards and that can be really hard to do and it can also be really confusing for people that are in your life that you might have stepped away from a little bit. But I think overall, this year for me is all about protecting my peace, especially social media. I think, no matter what level you are at on on social media, like whether you just have social media for social purposes or you know you're trying to grow your social media for business, or maybe you're stepping into like that creator, Influencer situation, you know social media is a major part of our life and it's kind of us opening ourselves out and putting ourselves out there and I put myself out there a lot and Just by scrolling, you know we're allowing so much stuff in our life that that's another like boundary I want to put up For myself in 2024, which is, you know, I don't need to overshare everything. I could still have boundaries. I have to be intentional with what type of scrolling I do, what type of content I consume. You know, if you're falling an account, that like makes you feel just like blah after you look at it. Or maybe you're like like you just don't feel good after you consume that content, like there is nothing wrong with, like muting that account or unfollowing. I mean, that's like the perfect example of protecting your peace and putting a boundary up for yourself, you know. If that content that you're consuming isn't doing it for you anymore, like Unfollow it and mute it. You know, step away from it, protect your peace, set that boundary and look out for yourself. So I think that's what 2024 is all about. You know, be that selfish mom in the sense where, like, prioritize your mental and physical health first and really that comes with you know what you are allowing into your life and who you're allowing into your life. That's prioritizing your mental and physical health and that's also protecting your peace. So that's one major goal of 2024. Another major goal, major goal of 2024 is I.
Speaker 2:
I feel like I have definitely been made very well aware of which I think I've I knew in the past, but now it's like, definitely I'm willing to acknowledge it and that's finances. Like and I think with finances I mean more of like consumerism I have been made well aware of, like how much money I spend. I don't think I ever really truly sat down to add up the numbers of how much money I spend at Starbucks. You know how much money I spend on like fast fashion. You know, buying just like clothes just to buy them and washing them and them just not being like the best quality clothes, like. I am so guilty of doing this before going on trips where I just mindlessly will buy these outfits and then you know they're like fast fashion. So I get them from like Zara and Forever 21 and like those type of sites where you know the clothes are not quality. You wash them a couple of times and they're just like whatever, and also like consuming stuff.
Speaker 2:
Now that TikTok and Instagram is very like shopper user friendly, you know I shop a lot when I scroll because all of a sudden you see an ad for this and you're like, oh my God, I need it, I need it now. You know Amazon's the perfect example of that, but I think, with like the whole house thing and just like you know, getting a loan for a new construction, we've really had to like sit down and discuss our finances. My husband and I and I've been forced to like truly sit down and come to terms with like my spending. That is totally not necessary and my consumerism. I mean, we're all guilty of it. This is just the type of like world we are living in, we consume, we consume, we consume. And also, stepping into a house that is, you know, a lot smaller than my previous house. We have one bathroom. It's like 1500 square foot.
Speaker 2:
You know, I have three kids, we're a family of five, we have a lot of stuff and we have downsized so much like the amount of stuff we have, but still, even in the house, like I am constantly cleaning up because we have so much stuff that it becomes clutter. It's that saying we're like if you are not getting rid of clutter, then you are cleaning up clutter. And that's how I feel, like I'm a slave to all this clutter. And it's just stuff, you know, just stuff that we buy that really doesn't always serve a purpose. You know, toys for the kids, just stuff. And so 2024, it's like I want to make a goal to be more conscious of what I buy, like what I purchase.
Speaker 2:
One thing this is not an ad, but, like I said, one of the downfalls of my personality, my toxic trait, is that I buy, you know, fast fashion before going on trips. I know like I want to fix this problem and one of the things I did is I started renting from Newly. If you have not seen Newly before, go check it out. N U U L Y. It's where you can rent clothes every month. I think it's like $98 a month.
Speaker 2:
I know that might be like out of the budget for a lot of people, but for me that kind of made sense because when I go on trips or like I want to dress for like an event or something you know, I spend money just on that like dress or outfit and then I never wear it again. You know it doesn't really serve a purpose in my wardrobe and stuff because I bought it for that specific thing. Whereas Newly you can rent like six pieces every single month and then you return it and you get six more pieces the next month. So it's like if you know you have a dinner coming up or like it's your birthday and you want to have a special dress or something you can order every month and you pick out your pieces. So financially that just kind of made a lot more sense for me to do that the next couple of months when I have like, when I have a lot of stuff going on, like I have had the past couple of months. So that's like one one way I'm trying to replace the whole like buying fast fashion bad habit that I have.
Speaker 2:
But again, I think it's just also just bringing an awareness of like stop spending money on stupid things, especially online, and scrolling and really like think about it. I'm so quick to purchase stuff like, especially on Amazon, like I'm giving myself a couple of days to truly think about it. Is this something I need? Do I really want this, you know, and then maybe purchase it If I still am thinking about it a couple of days later, but most likely you're going to forget about whatever it is that you went on Amazon to purchase within that like minute or that moment in time, you know. So those are some of my 2024 goals.
Speaker 2:
I know I'm babbling, but I just wanted to do a quick solo episode and just say hi and connect with you and let you know that we do have an exciting season coming up Lots of guests. I'm definitely getting more into female health, more about hormones, pcos, certain platforms that support women's health, that you'll hear from different guests. So exciting new season and still that selfish mom mentality where, again, you know it's selfish in the sense where prioritizing your mental and physical health comes first, because when you prioritize yourself first, you give your best self and you become your best self and everyone wins Right. That's kind of like that selfish mom mentality that I really challenge you to start adapting, you know. So thanks for listening. This has been another episode of the selfish mom podcast. I will catch you next week and stay tuned for a very exciting upcoming season. Bye.
