Have you ever stripped away the masks you wear and faced the person beneath? My journey has been one of peeling back the layers of anger and pessimism that were my armor against the world, revealing the raw and vulnerable self hidden underneath.
In today's episode I share the profound experience of learning to embrace this true self, catalyzed by the revelations unearthed in therapy exploring the distinction between inherent traits and those we cultivate over time. The tears that I had long kept at bay became the symbols of a long-overdue emotional release.
By questioning the authenticity of my own confidence and boldness, we uncover together that the essence of who we are isn't about the persona we create; it's about the soul we expose.
Get in there and give it a listen for more!
Resources:
Manage Your Stress Mentorship
Discovery call
You can find more about Brain-Body Resilience and JPB:
On the BBR Website
On Instagram
On Facebook
Sign up for the BBR newsletter
Have you ever stripped away the masks you wear and faced the person beneath? My journey has been one of peeling back the layers of anger and pessimism that were my armor against the world, revealing the raw and vulnerable self hidden underneath.
In today's episode I share the profound experience of learning to embrace this true self, catalyzed by the revelations unearthed in therapy exploring the distinction between inherent traits and those we cultivate over time. The tears that I had long kept at bay became the symbols of a long-overdue emotional release.
By questioning the authenticity of my own confidence and boldness, we uncover together that the essence of who we are isn't about the persona we create; it's about the soul we expose.
Get in there and give it a listen for more!
Resources:
Manage Your Stress Mentorship
Discovery call
You can find more about Brain-Body Resilience and JPB:
On the BBR Website
On Instagram
On Facebook
Sign up for the BBR newsletter
what is up? Hello there, my name is jessica patching bunch, you can call me jpb, and this is brain body resilience. This is a podcast dedicated to growth, human development and stressing a little bit less so you can go ahead and live a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Hello my friends, and welcome back to the Brain Body Resilience Podcast. I'm your host, jpb. This is episode number 177. And, to be honest, coming into this episode, I did not know what I wanted to talk about and I landed on authenticity, which it turns out I had a lot more to say, slash a lot more questions than I had anticipated. So let's get into it.
Speaker 2:I was talking to my therapist the other day about how I feel kind of lost now, like I don't know who I am. Without the trauma responses that have shaped my life until the last few years, without the layers of anger and pain, I don't know who I am, and I have shed so many layers of protection the angry, tough guy, the realist, who is actually just a pessimist expecting the worst. So I don't have to be disappointed when something or someone inevitably lets me down, letting go of all expectations. So then, I cannot be disappointed, except this was my expectation to be disappointed. You see how that works. Those low expectations were especially true for myself, my abilities, my aspirations, along with how I expected to be treated. Low, like on the ground for everyone to step over, including myself. I thought about that old saying you teach others how to treat you and I do believe it has some merit when you value yourself and you treat yourself with kindness and respect and compassion and regard compassion and regard. You are unlikely to accept less from others. Then there were the walls that kept everyone out and me trapped in there somewhere. There was the judgment and the critical of everyone and everything and I was unable to see that those were just an outward projection of my insides, of the inside environment. There was the stone face.
Speaker 2:I never cried. I practiced that intentionally and I was proud of it. When I first met my therapist around six years ago, she said one day I'll get you to cry one of these days. And I did at one point, and now it won't stop. It's like I've opened the floodgates and I'm okay with that. Now there's a lot, a lot to let out. There's a lot that has been waiting to to have space to come out, and now I cry at just like literally everything. And that's great, I do. I do genuinely appreciate that, along with knowing the from tears having production of oxytocin and painkillers, and such as a body's natural way to help self-regulate and lower pain, they are an incredible tool.
Speaker 2:Then there was the numb, emotionless, detached practice. When I was a teenager, I used to cut myself and it was just to feel something, to feel a physical pain to accompany the pain inside, while at the same time just wanting to feel something, to feel anything. Later, when I was a young adult in an unhealthy relationship with my first husband, I would repeat to myself if I don't have feelings, they cannot be hurt. And that's how I, that's what I practiced. I thought people showing excitement was lame and showed a lack of I don't know sophistication, whatever that meant to me. But what I saw in movies and on TV were that the wealthy people didn't act that way. They were reserved and generally unimpressed with everything. And so I began to emulate that, to try and distance myself from my poor, white trash origins.
Speaker 2:And with all of that it was hard to connect truly connect with anyone, most of all myself. I had learned that it wasn't safe to be seen, and being seen led to violence, it led to abuse, and so I hid within myself and I buried myself deep and locked the door, and I buried myself deep and locked the door, and so now I'm getting to know myself and I want to know who I am under all of that Without those things, who is this person? And how do I find out? I want to be confident, I want to be audacious, I want to be bold and authentically me, but is that me? Would that be authentic? Am I those things? How do I know?
Speaker 2:And so back to the beginning. I was talking to my therapist, and he told me I don't have to do anything or create anyone because I just am, I exist. I don't have to do anything. I have always been me. I will continue to evolve as me, and things like confidence are uncovered and learned, not created, necessarily because they're already there, practiced yes, they're already there, practiced, yes. And he said I just need to allow myself to be exactly as I am, to discover who that actually is, who exists under all of the rubble. And I immediately know he's right, and I don't love it because I am just over here. I don't love it because I am just over here. Okay, great, I know that. But what can I do, though, to like, speed this up and make things happen, and, you know, control what I can, so I don't have to sit in this discomfort of this in between space. And he laughs because we go back and forth with this. He knows me.
Speaker 2:And so, authenticity I strive to be authentic. I want to be a real person, to just show up as I am. But I think we all have pieces we keep to ourselves or only show to those who know us best. And the funny thing is, when we try to be authentic, we are automatically not being authentic, because we are trying to be something instead of just being. And I love a good definition and rarely stick to just one. If you've listened along for a while, you know I like to mix and match and pick what makes sense to me and put that together. So this is what I found on authenticity True to one's own personality, spirit or character. Okay, I like that.
Speaker 2:Another is the degree to which a person's actions are congruent with their values and desires, despite external pressures on social conformity. And yeah, I think that's great. That seems like authenticity to me. To be authentic is to be clear about one's own most basic feelings, desires and convictions and to openly express one's stance in public. These, I think, are all encompassed, kind of the understanding that I have of authenticity, and as I am looking at these, I noticed they require a level of regulation, the ability to self-regulate and self-soothe and a level of safety in oneself, to be able to act in congruence, to be clear about one's own feelings and express them openly, to truly know one's own self.
Speaker 2:And then I kept looking at different definitions. I stumbled on these words worthy of acceptance or belief for something authentic, and I wonder if that's why it feels like some of us are chasing authenticity or feel like it's something we strive for Because we don't have a sense of worthiness or acceptance for ourselves. Have a sense of worthiness or acceptance for ourselves, and immediately when I read those words, it hit pretty hard. And then there was this one being authentic involves the ability to be introspective and understand what motivates oneself, and again I think that's great. I think there are different kind of pieces that we're putting together here and again. For this one it requires regulation, a sense of safety, self-awareness and reflection, in that order. And I believe that that's where we can circle back to the other definitions, because when we are able to regulate to create a sense of safety within you, to create a sense of safety within you, to build self-awareness and reflect, and then you are able to accept yourself or practice acceptance, getting clear about your basic feelings and beliefs so that you can act in congruence with your values and desires, being able to stand strong in yourself despite external pressures from social pressures or cultural pressures, all of the rest and then with that, you are able to openly express your stance in public, to advocate for yourself, to advocate for others. And so I am on this journey to authenticity, which I am understanding more and more, is really just a journey to self-acceptance.
Speaker 2:I had such a beautiful example of this with one of the young people that I work with. She's in her early 20s, she will be leaving research soon and I could not be more happy for her. She said to me I don't know why I stayed here this long. This isn't for me. It's all professional and corporate Read supremacist culture with layers of patriarchy. She said I want to feel cozy. This isn't cozy at all. I said, no, it's absolutely not cozy and I love that she used that word and that's what her metric was for success. She said I want to go somewhere where people are warm and friendly and I can actually be myself and like what I do, and I am so, so proud of her for knowing what she wants and for making that change, and I am so incredibly impressed by her knowing and accepting that that is what she wants and that's who she is, accepting herself at such a young age, herself at such a young age. I am inspired by that and I am, and that is aspirational for me. To me, this is authenticity in practice and it highlighted for me that I am not living in congruence in this area.
Speaker 2:I have an ego attached to working in brain research. My degree is in neuropsychology and it was my goal to work in neuroscience. From the very first neuroscience class I took, I fell in love, I loved it, I love learning about the brain, I love knowing how our pieces work together and it all just makes so much sense to me. I was always really curious about why people do what they do, why we behave the way we do, how we justify that, what's happening, and understanding your brain and your nervous system has given so many answers, or at least current understanding, understanding of what that is. But I just I love it so much, and so that was my goal and I am working to detangle my identity and my value from this job and that is a part of my journey to authenticity, to acceptance of myself, and that is a continued practice, and I hope that one day I can be more like my young coworker and just know what is or is not for me, based on how I feel, and really just accept that, listen to it and be okay with it, without having to try to prove that I fit somewhere, that I don't, to validate my ego. And this is my journey. So those are my thoughts on authenticity.
Speaker 2:That's all I've got for you today a tale, and if any of that resonated, maybe something to sit with, to journal about, to talk through with someone. If we are rejecting ourselves, that is an inherent threat to our system and it is absolutely keeping you stressed and overwhelmed and anxious. Thank you, as always, truly, truly, thank you for being here. If you found this useful, please do share it with a friend who might need to hear it, or also find it useful If you haven't already. Please take just a few moments or seconds, just a few seconds actually to write a review or give me some stars, preferably five. We will do this again.
Speaker 2:Until then, I love hearing from y'all. I always love to connect. I am always so grateful that you reach out. Instagram is always the best place to find me. I love getting the emails too.
Speaker 2:If you are curious about how we can work together, we can chat about the manage your stress mentorship, which is a six week one on one guided mentorship where I support you and hold space to help you learn the science back tools to regulate your nervous system, learn to calm immediate stress and anxiety, and then how to start preventing that stress overflow so that you can stop living like stress is your full time job. I will be there to support and encourage you through the process of building your own routine that fits your life so that you can get out of survival mode and start living into your best life. All of that is in the show notes always, but, like I said, I love hearing from you, I love connecting, and so please reach out on Instagram, send me a message, email me whatever you prefer. I am here for it. All right, actually wrapping this up, I hope you have a beautiful week and we will do this again. Peace.