BBR #184: Embrace discomfort to build resilience

How do you react to stress and discomfort? 

Could your coping mechanisms use some fine-tuning? 

In today’s episode, we’re exploring how dealing with discomfort can help us grow stronger and more resilient.

We’ll start with a simple yet powerful example: cold plunges. For some, the mere thought of cold can trigger stress and anger. We’ll use this to dive deeper into how we often react to discomfort and stress in our lives.

Join me to discuss personal stories and practical tips on building stress tolerance, whether through cold showers, exercise, or other challenges. Learn how small, intentional steps can help you manage discomfort, stay calm, and better understand yourself and your reactions.

Get in there and give it a listen!

Transcript

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Speaker 1 0:07

what is up ? Hello there , my name is jessica patching bunch , you can call me jpb , and this is brain body resilience . This is a podcast dedicated to growth , human development and stressing a little bit less so you can go ahead and live a little bit more .

Speaker 2 0:27

Hello friends and welcome back to the Brain Body Resilience Podcast . I'm your host , jpb , and this is episode number 184 . Before we get started , I have thought a lot about this in the past several months and decided to cut down to two new episodes per month . I will still have guests from time to time and when I do , that will still come out as the first episode of the month .

Speaker 2 0:58

And the other episode will be a re-release of an older episode and then , when there isn't a guest episode , there will be two new episodes and two re-release episodes . I'm doing this for a couple of reasons . First , because we're at almost 200 episodes and there is a lot of great stuff that is buried in the archives Maybe not archived , but it's a lot of scrolling to get to the bottom and for most of us , hearing things more than once actually , the science shows that it takes up to seven times of hearing something before we remember it or take action on that information that we are learning . Also , hearing things at different times will probably land differently each time . When you're in a different place , with a different perspective , even in a different mood . This can all change what you take away from the information that you're intaking . So , moving forward , you will have a chance to hear some of the older episodes without having to go look for them . And another thing here is that I am interested to look back at the older episodes for myself and see if I have anything I want to update on those episodes . I've been doing this podcast since 2020 . And I know that I have changed . My perspective has evolved , and so likely my synthesis on the information might have changed as well . I am interested to see and possibly follow up on those episodes . The other reason I am moving to two episodes per month is that my time and energy right now need that . We only have so much of it and I am needing to focus my attention and energy in other areas . For now , I am focusing more on my work with one-on-one clients and speaking engagements , and I still work my full-time job in research , so I have to adjust the time where needed right now , and this won't necessarily be a forever change , but as I talk about it , a lot flexibility is essential in taking care of our needs and how those needs change with the seasons that we're in , and so all of that just to say this will be changing just a little bit . I would love to hear from you about any specific topics or questions that you have , and with that I can either pull from past episodes and make sure that I feature those ones , or create new episodes specifically with you in mind . You know my information is always in the show notes and I am always grateful to connect with y'all on Instagram . Send me a message there . So , all right , let's get into . Today .

Speaker 2 4:12

I was with some folks recently and we got on the topic of cold plunges and just like cold things in general , and someone said that they can't handle the cold being cold , being touched with cold things , or they just get angry and freak out . And the story I tell , my perception of this was like , okay , I can't handle it , so then I take it out on the world around me and then you have to deal with it , which is what we do a lot of the time . When we can't handle the stress we have , that ends up spilling out onto those around us , to our loved ones , our coworkers , whoever happens to be in the path . And so I said so you don't have the skills to . I said to this person you don't have the skills to regulate them and tolerate those things . Is that what you're saying ? And they said yeah , and then went on to about how angry they'll get and they better not get cold or anyone touch them with cold things . So to me , in my opinion , this reads I don't like this , I don't want to change it , you have to deal with it .

Speaker 2 5:23

And this example of cold may not seem like a big deal , but we do this with stress and discomfort in general . I can't handle this feeling . I don't know how to make it stop , because that's usually the first thought is how does this go ? How do I make this go away ? Even if there is even that recognition , how do I make it stop ? And when I can't handle it anymore , I just throw it out into my surroundings .

Speaker 2 5:54

Think about the coworker who gets so worked up and then is just an asshole to everyone . Maybe that's you . That was definitely me not too many years ago . Think about how overwhelmed you can get and snap at your friends or your kids or your partner or yourself . This is what triggers so much of our self-criticism and whatever that looks like for you , it is your responsibility . You are your responsibility and , yes , it happens . Even when we are aware and practice the skills . It still happens , but less frequently and with more awareness and maybe even a pause where you can choose to sit with that feeling for a moment , breathe into it and then not take it out on yourself and those around you .

Speaker 2 6:45

The goal is not to get rid of discomfort , because that's just never going to happen as long as we're here and we're living , and it's definitely not to ignore it and just grit your way through it . That's what creates the anxiety and other mental health issues that we deal with . The goal is to expand our capacity to sit with discomfort , to show ourselves , our nervous systems , that discomfort isn't the same as threat and that you can be present with feelings and experiences that are uncomfortable and unpleasant , and not die Back to the cold things for a moment . I do love a good cold plunge and I know it's all the rage right now and you might have heard all about how it needs to be part of your magic morning routine or whatever . If you don't like it , you don't like it and that's fine , you don't have to do it . But I did want to talk a little bit about the purpose of that and that ties this all together . So the purpose of a cold plunge or cold shower , etc .

Speaker 2 7:47

Cold exposure , of a cold plunge or cold shower , et cetera cold exposure is to create distress tolerance . It is a great way to introduce stress to your system and practice skills expanding your capacity to decrease stress here and how to mitigate anxiety , and that is a goal , yes , and one way to do that is to have stress and deal with it . Everything will stress you out if you cannot tolerate stress . So we practice elevating our heart rate to practice stress , and then practice switching into down regulation with the tools that we have to access and activate our parasympathetic nervous system struggling to make words today and in order to train our system . And stress is what we want . Sometimes , again , we're not looking for a stress-free life . That was never the goal , it's not going to happen . But stress is beneficial Sometimes in order to gain energy to perform , to meet challenges . All of that comes from that the energy and resources given by that stress response , and so practicing the capacity to hold stress is one of the ways to avoid the overwhelm that comes when you reach your stress threshold and start overflowing .

Speaker 2 9:27

And immediately I want to say that practicing the capacity to tolerate stress does not mean that you are practicing holding it in or ignoring the feelings that you're having , or talking or taking on as much as you can just to prove that you have a really high stress tolerance , and I did that for a really long time and I work with folks who do this . It is not the flex you think . It is to overwork yourself and withhold care . Increasing your capacity to tolerate stress allows you to start showing your nervous system that you are safe with stress , that you have the ability to face the challenge , and with things like cold plunges , you're introducing that stress and discomfort in a way that you can control and you can start to start and stop whenever you want . That whole being in charge and knowing what to expect is so important for your system in order to get a sense of safety , and slow , small steps are always the best here . Go big or go home is definitely not useful for your nervous system because it gets overwhelmed with new sensations . Overwhelmed with new sensations , it will just close up shop , move on to protect and defend , and that has defeated the whole purpose . So , sticking with the example of cold exposure , if you're in the shower , you can just turn on the cold water at the end of the shower that's what I do and then even start just by sticking your hand and wrist in the cold for a few seconds and then work your way from there . Next time , maybe , try your whole arm . Baby steps for the win .

Speaker 2 11:18

Here is what we need to remember about this . This is why exercise also does something similar . There is momentary discomfort , increasing stress , and you are in charge of how much , for how long . Choosing to push yourself just a little bit out of your comfort zone zone , really struggling here , pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at with baby steps , so that your system can slowly increase capacity and then send signals that you are safe and you get a sense of that safety within discomfort . They can exist , coexist , simultaneously . I am safe and this is uncomfortable . This is uncomfortable . I am still safe . I have the capacity to hold this . I can rise to this challenge . I am not actually dying .

Speaker 2 12:24

So if you are doing something like a cold plunge or even exercise , so if you are doing something like a cold plunge or even exercise , if you are panting and telling yourself you're going to die and you can't handle it , this is going to do exactly the opposite of what you are trying to do . Is it hard ? Yes , absolutely . Are you dying ? No . Are you safe ? Yes .

Speaker 2 12:46

So when we're doing these things , the goal is to be able to stay calm and be intentional with our breathing and our thoughts . Remember that your thoughts have a cascade of physiological effects through the body that influence your sense of safety , and how you talk to yourself dictates . I'm not going to edit any of this out , by the way . I'm just going to leave all of these pieces of my stuttering . How you speak to yourself dictates what you think you are capable of . I'm going to say that again how you talk to yourself dictates what you think you are capable of . So pay attention to that , also remembering with the breath . When we are breathing quickly and heavily , we are inducing more stress . We are activating that sympathetic side of the nervous system . So we want to be intentional about slow , steady breathing to the best of our ability in those situations , and that can be . The goal is to increase your ability to regulate those aspects with intention .

Speaker 2 14:08

So my takeaway here is , for me , that discomfort does not mean you are dead . Practicing stress and discomfort helps you choose how you want to handle it and gives you the tools to do so , and you are your own responsibility . The world around you is not , but how you react to it is how you choose to interact with it is , and whether or not you choose to address the areas that feel intolerable and lead you to lashing out at yourself or those around you , also your responsibility . We're not doing this work . We're not doing the work to help self-soothe and expand our capacity for stress and learn how to regulate , just to feel better , like yes , that is obviously part of it , not just like feeling terror and shitty and tense and like just worrying and feeling unsafe all of the time , so that we can feel that and have the capacity to interact in a different way with our world around us , to build relationships in a different way , to build community in a different way . We have to do the work within ourselves to feel safe within ourselves so that we can feel safe in connection with other people . We have to be able to safe within ourselves so that we can feel safe in connection with other people . We have to be able to treat ourselves nicely so that we can then learn how to treat others nicely . We have to learn patience with ourselves so that we can then show patience to other people . We're doing this work so that we can help create a better world inside of us and also around us . So you are your responsibility and it's not just about you .

Speaker 2 16:02

So all of that , those are my takeaways . I'm going to leave it there for today . I am grateful you are here , I am grateful for your time and your attention and I am wishing you a beautiful day today . If you found this episode useful , I do ask that you share it with a friend so they might also benefit from it . If building stress tolerance seems like a thing that you want , I recommend my Manage your Stress Mentorship , which is a six-week one-on-one introduction built for exactly this to help you learn the science-backed tools to regulate stress and mood so that you can actually build mental resilience , increase your focus and energy and , overall , just sleep better , feel better in your life , because you will have the toolkit to help you start to regulate , start to address the areas where that stress is overflowing . You can find that in the show notes or message me on Instagram . I always love hearing from y'all . I'm always so grateful that you reach out . All right , I am wishing you a beautiful week Until next time . Peace .