In today's episode we talk about the power of acceptance in resilience. learning to recognize and acknowledge challenges without judgment can profoundly impact our ability to manage stress and anxiety.
Acceptance isn't about loving the situation but understanding it deeply enough to let go of resistance and shift our focus towards actionable steps toward useful and usable tools for what to do right now.
Learn how to harness self-awareness and distinguish between active and resigning acceptance in our journey towards mental well-being. We'll delve into practical techniques for self-regulation and highlight the physiological benefits of acceptance.
By understanding and embracing "what is," we open the door to intentional, forward-moving choices, adaptive coping strategies, and ultimately, a healthier relationship with our life experiences.
In today's episode we talk about the power of acceptance in resilience. learning to recognize and acknowledge challenges without judgment can profoundly impact our ability to manage stress and anxiety.
Acceptance isn't about loving the situation but understanding it deeply enough to let go of resistance and shift our focus towards actionable steps toward useful and usable tools for what to do right now.
Learn how to harness self-awareness and distinguish between active and resigning acceptance in our journey towards mental well-being. We'll delve into practical techniques for self-regulation and highlight the physiological benefits of acceptance.
By understanding and embracing "what is," we open the door to intentional, forward-moving choices, adaptive coping strategies, and ultimately, a healthier relationship with our life experiences.
what is up? Hello there, my name is jessica patching bunch, you can call me jpb, and this is brain body resilience. This is a podcast dedicated to growth, human development and stressing a little bit less so you can go ahead and live a little bit more. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the Brain Body Resilience Podcast. I'm your host, jpb, and this is episode number 186.
Speaker 1:
Today's episode is inspired by current events in my own life and is all about acceptance. I am getting older, as are the rest of us, and things are happening to my body that I don't love. My knee hurts I injured it a little bit ago doing some lifting the other day. My hip hurts, which I injured sprinting a few months ago when I wasn't strong enough to be doing that yet, and I have not been sleeping very well. I don't know if I'm going into perimenopause or what is happening, but I just wake up so sweaty and I cannot sleep. Also, my eyes are really dry and they hurt in the morning because of that. I did have LASIK almost 15 years ago and something has been popping back into my brain like that. I remember them saying something about dry eyes later on, maybe in my 40s, and, as young people do. I disregarded that entirely and thought that was a problem I'd deal with when that time came, which was so far from then. But that time was a blip. It's here now and I'm dealing with it, and so all of these things are happening, and I wish that they were not. And they are not, and they are.
Speaker 1:
So I started thinking about acceptance this morning, which is something that I come back to constantly, because acceptance is a huge part of the work we do in building a better relationship with stress and anxiety. Accepting that the past cannot be changed, no matter how much energy we spend worrying about it or regretting it. Accepting that, as well, the future does not yet exist, no matter how much energy we spend worrying about it. And a bit of a bonus when we learn that it is the actions that we actually take now that create our future, instead of the worry that we try to fix it with. Overall, just accepting what we can and cannot control. Accepting that we cannot control or change others or the world around us. We can only control the thoughts and beliefs. We choose to give our energy to the actions we choose to take, the actions we choose not to take, which is also just an action, and the things we choose to watch, read, listen to our diet, the things we consume, diet the things we consume and people we choose to spend our time and energy with.
Speaker 1:
Acceptance of what we do and do not have control over alleviates so much stress and anxiety. When we are able to generate an acceptance of ourselves and our experiences, we are less likely to need to avoid or escape. We are less likely to need judgment, shame, stress and anxiety to cope with the things that we refuse to accept. So let's talk a little bit about what acceptance is and how to do it. Acceptance, my friends, is the idea that we cannot avoid unpleasant, hard, painful situations in life, but the extent to which we suffer is directly tied to our attachment to the pain and discomfort. And this has its base in Buddhism and then, later on, carl Rogers and his acceptance theory that acceptance is the first step towards change.
Speaker 1:
You can't change something you refuse to acknowledge. You cannot change something you refuse to accept exactly as it is, because what you wish it was or was not isn't real. You're just spending your time and energy pretending it can be different, and nothing can be different in this moment, because it is exactly what it is. You can, however, choose to take actions that will change how the future unfolds, identifying reality and not focusing entirely on your emotional reaction to that reality. Spending our time resisting what is does not allow us to problem solve what currently exists. And acceptance does not mean that we love it. It means that we recognize and acknowledge thoughts, emotions, experiences, without judgments or trying to make them something they're not trying to change them into what we wish it was.
Speaker 1:
Acceptance doesn't just happen like oh, now I'm able to accept, I embrace acceptance. I think that's an idea that sounds great. Like we're all just going to meditate our way into acceptance. Meditation is great. It does a lot of things. It was definitely not anything bad about meditation, but acceptance is a skill, like most things are, and it takes intention and practice. Resistance and then recognizing the resistance and then practicing acceptance is how we get there. So you have to first be aware that you are resisting a thing.
Speaker 1:
So when you find yourself wishing something were a different way, not wanting to feel a certain way, being upset or judging an emotion, a reaction or situation, these are all signs that you can pause to consider resistance. When you find yourself thinking things like I can't deal with this. This isn't fair. It shouldn't feel like this. Why is this happening to me? It should be different. I should be doing, I shouldn't be doing. Should is a huge indicator word. These are signals of resistance when you find yourself blaming yourself for everything bad that has happened in your life or is happening, wishing that things were different, but you feel powerless.
Speaker 1:
When you're angry just about everything that has happened in the past that is happening around you now. List. When you're angry just about everything that has happened in the past that is happening around you now. And let me be clear anger is absolutely not the problem. It is an appropriate response to so much that has happened, that is happening and that likely will happen in the future. Anger is not the issue. It is being stuck in the anger, holding onto the anger because you wish it were different.
Speaker 1:
Again, acceptance does not mean that you approve of something, that you like it, that you love it. It just means you're acknowledging that it exists. So when you find yourself constantly nagging your spouse, hoping that they will change, upset by the choices that others make, ruminating on that fight, the thing your boss said, the shitty coworker that you wish was not a condescending, disrespectful, like generally unpleasant person wishing that they were someone entirely different than exactly what they are and that last one is definitely not a direct example for my own resistance. These are signs of resistance to what actually exists, and these are things that bring you much unnecessary suffering. We can't change a situation, but what we can change is how we respond to it and what we choose to do next, moving away from the helplessness feeling of like this this shitty thing happened, I can't do anything about it. Now I'm going to be mad about it and just wish it were different.
Speaker 1:
We have choices, and one of those choices is to accept what exists and then look at how we can respond, how we can move towards something that we want more, or how we can move towards processing the emotions, how we can move towards the thing that is more useful and usable to us. In those moments when we choose to accept something as it is, we can free up the energy being spent on resisting and pushing against, wishing it were different, being mad about it being exactly what it is, and then move towards caring for ourselves, giving ourselves what we need which is why we're having the resistance in the first place, because a need is not being met. Curiosity, then, is the key to acceptance when you know yourself and what makes you tick, like how you work on a biological, physiological level, and getting curious about the experiences you've had and that have shaped your perspective and the emotions you hold as a result, your reactions. Once we have explored all of those things, we can have a better understanding of what is and is not within our control, what is just a part of being a person like having emotions of all kinds, like experiencing stress and anxiety and depression, and what causes those things, because it is not that there's something wrong with you or your brain or that this is something happening to you. Those are all natural responses to environment. We talk about that in other episodes.
Speaker 1:
So once we get curious about what makes us function the way that we do and the responses that are appropriate there, we can move that understanding out into the world around us, the people around us, and understand that what other people do also has nothing to do with us. What they think, how they judge, how they react, isn't actually about us at all. It's about their perspective and the thoughts, emotions and experiences they have and have had. Knowing this, we can put aside the judgments and criticism from others, because we know it's not about us, it's about them. It doesn't matter. That is so much easier to say than it is to do, but it is a constant reminder for me to mind my business and pay attention to the things that I can control, which is my focus, my attention and what I choose to do. And when you have a strong foundation of trust in yourself and your values and you're more likely to consider your own acceptance and approval over that of others, then those things just matter less.
Speaker 1:
So how do we start practicing acceptance and how to even recognize the resistance that pops up? We have to pay attention to ourselves. This is something that this is. This is a theme that keeps circling around in life, in all of my discussions of stress and anxiety and how to self-regulate and how to recognize all of these things, what we do and don't have control over. Pay attention to yourself. I think this is I know that this is fundamental to so much I want to say problem solving. That's not right, but the issues that we have stem from not paying attention to ourselves, and it is the last step. I feel like we try everything outside of that. Pay attention to yourself.
Speaker 1:
Step one pay attention to what triggers those feelings of resistance, and something that I use in all kinds of situations is to remind yourself that you are right there in that space. Not that you love it, but I am right here. It gives you the power to move forward with intention. I am right here. So what do I choose now? What is my next step? Remind yourself of what is within your control, your attention and your actions, the choices that you make in that moment. Know that you don't have to understand everything. We are always trying to intellectualize our emotions and have a reason for everything. You don't really need to know why to be able to recognize that this is what exists in this moment. I don't need to know why it is, I just need to know that it is and recognize okay, this exists. I don't need to figure it out. I can just notice and recognize how the resistance feels. What are the sensations that it brings with it? Is there tightness or tension or pain, restriction, changes in how I'm breathing? Again, just like noticing and accepting that these things exist and then just letting them be, without trying to control them or change them. The thing about control is that the more we try, the less we feel any sense of it.
Speaker 1:
Acceptance is also not a tool to, or an excuse to not have to do anything. In situations where action is needed, acceptance is so you can choose how to move forward. Okay, this is happening, so now what am I going to do about it? Examples where acceptance is not appropriate are things like if you're in an abusive relationship, if you're being harassed, if you're being taken advantage of, if you're experiencing burnout with your current situation or intentionally just not taking action out of fear. Acceptance is not an appropriate response to those things.
Speaker 1:
We have things. We have a couple of different types of acceptance. There's active acceptance, which is an adaptive, coping response to unchangeable situations. Okay, this thing exists, I can't control it, so what am I doing now? Whereas resigning acceptance is taking on more of a helpless outlook. This is just how it is and how it's going to be, so I might as well not even try. Instead of resisting what already is the emotion, the situation, the whatever Use your focus and energy where it can actually be useful.
Speaker 1:
I'm sure that maybe I'm making an assumption. Maybe you've heard the expression what you resist persists, and that just means the more you try and control the world around you, the more you spin out and feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and defeated, because you cannot control anything outside of your own actions, where you choose to place your attention and focus and what you decide to do with that. When you are constantly trying to fight against yourself, there is an incredible amount of stress and anxiety created from the tension and conflict within you. Strong anxiety and panic come from the fear of those feelings, trying to control the sensations that arise within the stress and overwhelm, the feeling of being out of control. So then we squeeze tighter and try and control the way our physiology responds, trying to outthink an evolutionary process, an automatic, automatic process within our body.
Speaker 1:
And thoughts are not actually needed. There's nothing to figure out, just notice, get curious, ask yourself questions. What does this feel like? Name it, not like I feel like shit and I'm dying, but my throat is tight, my heart is racing, I feel fear. Just naming what exists is a huge part of acceptance and recognition, not that you love it, but that it is what is right now. So you can then pause, use your nervous system regulation tools and get into a space where you can access your rational thinking, your problem solving and then take action. Acceptance has actually been shown to produce downregulation of negative emotion and activation of the stress response, as well as an elevation in activation of regulatory brain networks. So it's not just a nice thought. It's not a nice idea. It is a practice that affects your physiology and will change how you experience life. That, uh, basically, it is what it is, and so what is your next step? That's, that's it. That's all I've got for you today. I hope that this was helpful.
Speaker 1:
If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with a friend so they might also find some use in it. I wish you a beautiful day, a beautiful week ahead, and we'll do this again next week. I always love hearing from you. If you have ideas, suggestions, reactions to today's episode or any of the others, please let's connect. I do. I love hearing from y'all. When you get ahold of me mostly on Instagram, I think, is where most of you decide to reach out, which is a good place I'm always there and you can excuse me, message, message me. Let me know what's going on with you, because this podcast is me just talking into a microphone in my home office by myself. So I always love the connection. Anyways, wrapping this up, I will see you soon, talk to you soon, hear from you soon. We'll do this again soon, peace.
