FakeID Podcast
FakeID Podcast
Influence of Relationships & Family
How have your relationships with family and friends influenced your identity? In this episode, Maheen curates a series of intimate conversations from a live event in Brooklyn. Listen as attendees share their unique experiences and reflections on the impact of their familial and romantic relationships on their sense of self, exploring how these connections shape who they are today.
Hello, everyone. This is my So Hale and you're listening to season two, a fake ID podcast. They say people come into your life for a season or a reason or a lifetime. And when you figure out which one it is, you'll know what to do. I'd like to add a little twist to that. I think people do come into your life for a season or a reason or a lifetime. But every single one of them impact you. In a way that changes our identity forever. Every single relationship and every single person that you've encountered or spent significant time with are responsible for who you are today. The good and the bad. In today's episode on season two, a fake ID. We're going to be hearing stories from people that attended the live event in Brooklyn in 2021. There were a couple of rooms that people had to choose. And when they go in, they record a private interview. That's anonymous. And this room in particular was the relationship and family room. I think what's really interesting about these stories specifically for this room is that we've all inherently very similar people. But the type of people that we've met, whether it was for a reason or a season or a lifetime. I have really influenced and caused the differences in who all of us are today. In these stories, you'll hear some people that were closer with their fathers versus their mothers. Or people that grew up in tight knit communities versus others that grew up incredibly independent. People that grew up in small homes versus large families. People that have partners that have helped them become the person they are today and people who weren't in such great relationships that help them realize what they need in life. It's true. People really do influence the person you become. As you go through the stories that are shared in this room. I really encourage you to think about how the people that have come into your life influenced who you are today. Or maybe the people that are currently in your life, what role are they playing in? Who you become tomorrow? I hope you enjoy the stories from this room and without any further ado. Let's hear the stories.
Maheen:Hello, hello, and welcome to Fake IDs Live experience. I'm so glad that you're able to join and be one of the daring ones to come into this room and share your answers. So you've chosen the relationships and family room, which is very near and dear to my heart because it's one of the main reasons I even started this podcast. I was facing a lot of identity crisis issue. Because of the way my family viewed me to be in contrast to their expectations. And I always felt like I had to fit this box to appease these expectations that were being set for a person that I was not. And even with relationships, I felt like I've uncovered so much of who I am and who I want to become by the people that I've met in life. And this is why it's so important. these relationships. You can't just one day stand up and walk away. Sometimes you have to work it out with these people even though there might be a lot of friction. And that's really part of the growth here and that's how our identity evolves. And so that's one of the reasons why I care about this room. But I would like to hear from you. Why did you choose this?
Breaking Bad Jessie:So I chose this room specifically because family is a, I would say one of the most important things in my life.
Dad:So I chose this room because I recently gone through a big change in my family life. moving from not being a father to having a son. And it's been really fascinating to watch that transition because I've found it's really changed the way. I perceive my relationship with my parents and even the way that they perceived their relationships with their own parents, seeing their kid go through being a parent.
i ranted for so long sorry:I chose this room because relationships are the most important parts of our lives because they kind of like give meaning to being alive, our relationships with family, with friends, with society, with people around us, they completely shape us as people.
Record (0...m)(1) no name:I specifically chose this room because I come from a Pakistani American background, and a family that is very close knit specifically on my mom's side of the family. and I've always felt, you know, I loved it and I admired it and. I think growing up, I couldn't imagine not growing up with my cousins that just lived a couple of minutes down the block from me. but as I got older, I was the only one. The nine of us to move out of state. So as soon as I turned 22, I graduated college. I moved up in a way to New York and I really kind of decided to discover myself there, throw myself into relationships. I think the family aspect of it has been really tested and I think I'm still learning and growing from it. But I think I've realized how different I am from my family and how much pressure there was to be molded into somebody who fit into my cousins group or, you know, it was kind of this perfect post or perfectly religious, you know, doing all of these things. And I, I realized as I moved that those things just weren't for me.
This is Us:Hmm, that's a great first question. I chose this route. Because I'm a big believer in the idea of nurture playing a very, very powerful and influential role, in the development of our personalities and our character, and essentially shape who we are. and so. I think about, you know, how I grew up and my environment. and I'm very fortunate to grow up in a wonderful family and I'm an only child. And, my parents were really, really good support systems and I'm so happy to have them. And, so we have a very, very close relationship and I chose this room because, The way that I grew up, definitely shapes who I am,
Maheen:I'd love to know how, how has your family impacted or influenced who you are today?
Breaking Bad Jessie:The person who I am today would not be the same person. We're not from my family, specifically, my mother, because I don't, I feel like we have a very best friend, like relationship where I run all the decisions I want to make in life, any major decisions by her, take her advice. and in some cases where I'm going the wrong way, or she feels I'm going the wrong way. She. And that does impact who you are because it could be decisions like, should I move here or should I go do this? Should I, for example, one of the biggest decisions I've made recently, who I feel, which I feel has really changed, who I am was right. Want to take a year out and study abroad in China. And my mom was all for it. She was like, you should do that because I was on the fence. I didn't want to, I wanted to go, but at the same time, I didn't. I was not too excited about the idea when I actually, when the, when the opportunity became real and she was the one who was like, pushed me to do it and said, you know, you have to do this. This will be a tremendous opportunity for. in many ways in your personal growth career, et cetera. and I'm the person who I am now would not be the same person were not for that trip. for me, going to China was a huge confidence booster because I realized how much I've actually changed. And that wouldn't have been the case if I hadn't gone. And much of that decision was thanks to my family, trusting me and pushing me to do it.
Dad:So my family is, they are very loving and very supportive in a lot of ways, but I've also had two. to have them accept me as I am. I have, one sibling and my sister is a lot more similar and you know, just her personality to my parents or parents who interviewed him. they are, they are very organized. There are big planters. and You know, growing up, especially in teenage years, that got pretty hard because I just wasn't a very academically minded student. And there was a lot of anxiety there that I wasn't following a traditional path to success that they had both used. And, that really scared them. They're very afraid of. And I was taking some risks, and they, they thought that would end in tragedy. and so what's interesting. And I think what I'm really lucky with is I think playing people have had a similar experience with. you know, their, their parents are concerned for their wellbeing and try to push them into a more that maybe they don't quite fit. but I've, I've been very fortunate that, my parents have paid attention to the results. So even if they've been worried about, about me at times, when they see that I'm healthy and happy or that I'm succeeding in whatever I choose to do. then their anxiety lessons and they can be happy for me. which I don't think is always the case.
i ranted for so long sorry:so I grew up a very close to my family. my grandmother raised me, but at the same time, my aunts and uncles and cousins, they all have. They had a helping hand in raising me as a kid I definitely have a secure attachment style because I I've been surrounded by so much love growing up at the same time, growing up in a Chinese culture, that comes with expectations and that comes with, you know, Concepts such as like duty and, you know, sort of like taking care of your family, giving backs, fulfilling expectations, that your family is set for you. And because you have so much love from your family, the last thing you want to do. Disappoint disappoint them. And you definitely don't want to do something that could hurt the people that you love. And sometimes disappointment comes in a form of, or hurt comes in a form of. You know, disappointing someone who really means a lot to you.
Record (0...m)(1) no name:I think growing up in a family that is so tight knit has come with ups and downs. I think first and foremost, you know, I grew up in a box on the American culture, so it felt really. Important to most of my family to really ingrain and care about reputation. so you always need to look put together polished, wear appropriate clothing and kind of be like this tame individual who people didn't really have a reason to talk about. I think that the little voice in my head still exists to this day. Yeah. Really has kind of hindered my decision making abilities. when I want to do something for myself or break away from the culture, it always feels like such a struggle because of the fact that it's been so ingrained for me to really care about what people think and what people will say.
This is Us:So I touched him that briefly in the first answer, but, they have definitely shaped a lot of who I am today as well, in terms of, you know, instilling work ethic and working hard. that was a really big one I find. and then also encouraging me to try a bunch of stuff into, you know, try a bunch of different hobbies growing up. And expanding some of my skillsets that way. So they encourage me to practice public speaking and they encouraged me to figure skate, and you know, essentially tap into different types of, fields that I could, you know, try to work towards being a well rounded individual,
CHANGE-this-is-the-last-convo-weekend:I think my family has really shaped who I am to this very day solely based on their support overall.
Maheen:So do you ever feel. You are either very similar or very different from your family members, and perhaps what is the reasoning behind it?
Dad:I do feel different. but there are also some similarities. I think it's been really interesting. especially as, as I became a parent comparing kind of my growing up. To my, my wife's childhood. She has a better relationship with her parents and a big part of it is that they accept her more, for who she is and on her own terms. and, and yeah, honestly, you know, as we. As we've raised our kid, it's been really interesting to watch our parents interact with him because you kind of can see how they interacted with you and can feel like some of those differences and also feel like, be reminded of what that was like. my parents are. complimentary and constantly talk about how advanced our child is and how smart he is and how funny he is. but, you know, there's not always a focus on. is he a good person? Is he happy? Is he healthy? there's, there's a focus on some of these more, more achievement things. And I found her parents do that rest. And that's been interesting to watch because I think that that was some of the pressure that I felt growing up, when I didn't, achieve those goals, And yeah, it's interesting to watch that kind of just happen organically.
i ranted for so long sorry:So I am the only one in my family that was raised in both Eastern and Western culture. difference between me and my family members is, you know, just like sometimes the total misalignment of, you know, what it means to be successful and what it means to be happy and what it means to be living a fulfilled life.
This is Us:Oh, my gosh, I love this question. yeah, I feel like I'm definitely a hybrid of both my mom and my dad. my mom is a big warrior. She's very anxious, super type, a, very, very refined kind of linear personality and whatnot. she's very loving and, you know, high energy social person. so I definitely. 50% of that from, and then that is the complete opposite. So he's the introvert and, quiet, you know, relaxed has a ton of hobbies and stuff. So, I really owe it to him for that and to, you know, open up my eyes to the world as well, because he was such a travel junkie that I was so lucky to be able to come with him on these big family trips and stuff, around the world. So I felt like both of them are really strong role models for me
CHANGE-this-is-the-last-convo-weekend:I think I'm very similar to my dad. in terms of it says being stoic and reflective of the calf life experiences that have come to us individually As far as my brothers, I have two other brothers. I think. But the oldest one we're like the least similar because he's more extroverted is a lot more materialistic and he finds jewelry with his life through, I guess like the day-to-day, Pleasures that people have.
Maheen:How have your romantic relationships or friendships changed you over time?
Dad:Yeah, so I have been talking a lot about my wife. We met, about a decade ago. we were both very independent people and when we first started dating, we, we really. Sometimes struggled to communicate, to, and to keep each other just, in our thoughts and what we're doing, where we were going and, that when we to a lot of tension and, I think sometimes this doesn't work, but for us, we decided at one point. That, I pushed really hard for, for the fact that I thought we needed to move in together. And, and by doing that, that really actually solved a lot of problems in our relationship because we were very independent people. We were kind of forced to evolve together and to work through problems, but we also. Did I ever lose track of each other. We always had a place to come back to, to share a day and share where we were up to. And so, so yeah, I feel very fortunate to have I met her, the first month I moved to San Francisco out of college and,
i ranted for so long sorry:the first relationship that I've had is very much a codependent one Push myself to make a decision to cut that off and explore more of what is out there and more of myself, and to really push my own boundaries, to see, you know, um, who I really am and what I really want for myself for my life. and through that exploration, it took me to, you know, many different countries, a few different career switches. And, uh, throughout that journey, I was able to develop new relationships and friendships. Again, through just like the process of introspection and kind of observing how these relationships unfolded and what I liked about them and what I liked about myself while I was in them at that really helped me kind of like get to the place that I am today, which is a very. You know, comfortable like a place I'm very comfortable with myself and place where I am. I feel a lot more certain about what I am looking for and, uh, how I feel about myself as a person and w how I think I can contribute to a fulfilling relationship for the other person involved as well.
This is Us:Wow. Hmm. I think both my romantic relationships and friendships. Taught me to be more understanding and open about different perspectives. when I think about the history of my X's and my dating life and whatnot, I think I've learned to be more understanding of where people come from and having more empathy. also the idea of compromise to in romantic relationships, the idea of, You know, to some degree, us having to make those sacrifices and, to play a little bit of Tetris when it comes to compromising and whatnot. that's something that I've learned over the years, for friendships, maybe the value. It's interesting because you know, chemistry is something that we talk about in relationships romantically when you're like, oh my gosh, I really vibe with this person. The chemistry was fantastic, but in friendships that also kind of matters too, where chemistry, you know, is a very big thing where if you vibe with some really well, either instantaneously or over time, that's when I really, you know, value of friendship as well.
CHANGE-this-is-the-last-convo-weekend:I know for me, my romantic relationships shaped me to be more assertive than I was even in college
Maheen:Has there ever been a time or significant moments in your life where a relationship or a family member challenged who you are as a person?
Dad:so my mom, I think she's one of the people who, I struggled. I showed up the most with growing up. She has a ton of anxiety. And that anxiety stems from her childhood and her mother. My grandmother was a fiercely independent woman in an era where that didn't exist. she grew up in the 1920s, Germany. She, studied at universities, which was not common for women all through the war. she immigrated to the, to Canada and the U S and, and was a working woman. She was, worked for the library of Congress and, and she had two daughters, one of which was my mom. And. she told my mom when my mom was growing up, that, you know, my life is so hard because of you. If I didn't have kids, I would have time to do the things that I want and I would be, you know, I'd be free to, to focus on my passions and, my mom that really hurt her and she still deals with. deals with some of that, hurt today. And, you know, some of that anxiety, my mom, was the opposite parent to me. She was there all the time. She was the sole caregiver. She eventually had a career in education, but it was highly around us. And. you know, for me it was a little smothering and, and I really admired my grandmother and her independence. And so, when I married a very independent woman as well, I think my parents, I remember, they were like kind of baffled when they first met well about how we. Like got along and let each other really, we have our own minds and we're kind of value each other's independence so much. And I never expressed this to be, but, I always felt there might've been some apprehension about, where we had kids, how that was going to work. And, and since then, you know, I would try really hard to, really split responsibilities and, and also accept help. I think those are some of our two key parenting philosophies. it's both the responsibility and accept help from our community. And so, you know, he's, we moved to New York, to be closer to family. So, some of the grandparents could help with childcare. and we both work, but we have jobs that are on different hours. So we made sure not to leave my children with anyone. Like during the weekday eight hours a day. And, And we, we've worked really hard to find that balance. And because of that, right now, we're making it work. We, we feel like we're both being fulfilled in our jobs and our passions. And we feel that our son is getting our time and, getting the stuff he needs to develop and be happy. and. my mom has watched this, over the past year and it's really changed her perspective on her relationship with her own mother, because she realized that her mom had absolutely no. Her husband never did anything, to help out with the kids that was entirely her responsibility. He didn't cook, he didn't clean. He didn't do any of that. And so absolutely all of it was on her and she wanted to have, she wanted to fulfill her passions and she had a lot of interests that she wanted to go do those things. It's, it was just the possible without help. And so I think some of my mom's worries about us trying to have those things while also, you know, giving our son what he needs. she's realizing that it is possible, but everyone needs to work together. and, by my grandmother died about five months ago at the ripe old age of 99. and I think, I've watched my, my mom be more and more at peace with kind of her memory. As, as she kind of rewrites narrative around what her mother went through, trying to raise two kids while having a career.
Thank You for listening to fake ID. I would love to hear from you on how relationships have impacted your identity and who you are today. Did you resonate with the stories that were shared in this room? Or did you experience something different and how has that shaped you differently? If you liked this episode, I think you'll really enjoy listening to some of the other episodes from this live event. So I highly recommend checking those out. And if you enjoy fake ID, please consider subscribing to us on wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. And follow us on Instagram at fake ID podcast to stay up to date on the latest episodes. And I will see you in the next room. Bye.