Death to Life podcast
#127 From Rejection and Rebellion to Redemption: Austin's Journey of Faith and Transformation
Summary: Ever questioned your purpose or faith? Meet Austin, who rebelled against strict Baptist upbringing, but transformed through Jesus's love. From bitterness to love, his journey, including military experiences and battling depression, led to rebirth after reconnecting with his wife Christina. Witness his powerful transformation and the impact of love. Tune in for an inspiring story of a hardened heart's remarkable change.
View more resources on our website!
Timestamps:
0:00 - Transformation and Freedom in Christ
14:18 - Military Experience and Post-Service Struggles
19:00 - Overcoming Addiction and Rebuilding Life
26:40 - Personal Transformation and Rekindled Love
36:08 - Initial Judgments and Frustrations With Christians
40:53 - Miraculous Transformation and Faith in God
44:53 - Transformation and Power of Love
55:11 - The Power of Unconditional Love
Keywords: purpose, faith, questioning, transformation, resentment, hostility, rebellion, detachment, miraculous transition, hardened heart.
Looking for discipleship and fellowship? Join a Circle at lovereality.org/circles
Summary: Ever questioned your purpose or faith? Meet Austin, who rebelled against strict Baptist upbringing, but transformed through Jesus's love. From bitterness to love, his journey, including military experiences and battling depression, led to rebirth after reconnecting with his wife Christina. Witness his powerful transformation and the impact of love. Tune in for an inspiring story of a hardened heart's remarkable change.
View more resources on our website!
Timestamps:
0:00 - Transformation and Freedom in Christ
14:18 - Military Experience and Post-Service Struggles
19:00 - Overcoming Addiction and Rebuilding Life
26:40 - Personal Transformation and Rekindled Love
36:08 - Initial Judgments and Frustrations With Christians
40:53 - Miraculous Transformation and Faith in God
44:53 - Transformation and Power of Love
55:11 - The Power of Unconditional Love
Keywords: purpose, faith, questioning, transformation, resentment, hostility, rebellion, detachment, miraculous transition, hardened heart.
Looking for discipleship and fellowship? Join a Circle at lovereality.org/circles
Death to Life is brought to you by Love, Reality, a good gospel ministry. Our mission is to tell everyone willing to listen that in Christ, by faith, they are free from sin. Everything that we make is made possible because of the generosity of people like you. Thank you.
Speaker 2:The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life.
Speaker 3:There was times when I was thinking like how can I literally get more, even with God? Like get back at God. How can I be more evil? How can I be worse? Just like the worst end space you can imagine, thinking about making prayers for power and money and just really weird dark stuff that I started getting into. So for me to think that my heart is completely changed to an aspect where I can't even fathom being a human being anymore, that miracle of changing my heart was by far greater than any earth-defying miracle I think you could have showed me and it has absolutely blossomed my life.
Speaker 2:Yo, welcome to the Death to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode is with my brother, austin, and if you listened to last week's episode you heard Christina. Austin is a bit of a different story. Austin grew up somewhat in the church but then quickly hated it and was not only against God but wanted to become evil. If you hear the story, it's kind of wild and life had no answers for him, his answers had no answers for him and he was stuck in a vicious cycle of sin. And to see that turn around, to see the alcoholism go away, to see the occult stuff go away, and just to see that, because he was loved, he actually saw it. Man, so, so, powerful. So this episode, if you hear this guy's heart he does not like to get up and share from what I remember, but he just he said I need to share my story and so you're going to love this episode with Austin. Buckle up, strap in Love. Y'all Appreciate y'all. So let me ask you this man You've heard one or two of these episodes, right? Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:I think I went on like a binge tour of probably 50, 60 episodes back in January, february, march and April, like every day at the gym. It was no longer music, it was depth of life, every single morning for four months. Say it was awesome.
Speaker 2:What episode has stood out to you that I don't know that resonated with you, maybe more than others.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's a good question. There's actually a couple Hold up. I have a favorite. I'm so better at remembering their names. One was a basketball player, michael, if that. Loomis Loomis yeah, loomis, this was really good. And then I leave you one Hold on. Let me climb this just because I like this. Oh, jake Hodgkis. I think that episode 59. Jake gets free from the OK.
Speaker 2:So you like guys that are thinkers.
Speaker 3:I like yes, I don't know how to explain it, trust me, I love the situations and actual events and unfold to leave these things. But the people that have trouble rationalizing concepts because that's where I was stuck for such a long time too, I think I just like to hear even other outside perspectives of where other people viewed what they were taught from an early age going on, and how they viewed God. So I hear their different perspectives and yeah, I don't know, I just I get real ingrained into those types of stories. So I love it, I love it, I love it.
Speaker 2:I love Jake. Yeah man, he's been such a blessing to me and had me thinking about things in a way. I haven't thought about him before and I think he's also just like he's a pastor, like he's ministered to me on just a personal level and just called me up and just as brothers we can be like hey man, how's it going here? How's it going here? So that's awesome. Yeah, man. So where do you feel like your story begins? Because usually when we're, when I'm talking with somebody, they have a spiritual background or something like that. I have no idea about your background. Maybe you had a spiritual background, maybe you didn't. So where do you feel like your story starts when it comes to any kind of spiritual identity or lack thereof?
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure. Surprisingly, I was raised extremely Christian, southern Baptist. I went to church every Sunday, every Wednesday, did a warm-up and vacation by the school. You know that we did it even at home, so I was always around it and tired growing up. For sure, I can't express how different of an area apparently I lived in out in the country, but it was all about rules with the Southern Baptist. All we wanted to talk about is this is what you got to do. This is what you don't got to do. That's every Sunday. This is what's not okay, this is what's okay, and that's a very nice way to explain the harshness of the way they put it. But that was essentially the concept that we got fed. So I don't think I ever had an attachment. I thought it was just like something that was part of life that makes sense. It was like another school. It's another activity, another sport. It's just something you did with some of your free time. There is definitely never a connection or a love or many emotional attachments to my spiritual learning. But yeah, grew up, got baptized. People just said, yeah, that's a super religious family, which is crazy, because I don't think we were looking back, to be honest.
Speaker 2:What part of the country did you grow up in?
Speaker 3:Northeast Colorado, so a small little farm town called Wiggins, the city I grew up in. It's not a city, it's a town 900 people and we went to church with about 42 people of the town. And for years since the nice little country town out in Colorado, I loved growing up in the farm.
Speaker 2:God was rules, then yeah for sure that's how.
Speaker 3:either that, or that's just how my mind interpreted it, because I've just always been so rule oriented about everything. So maybe that's just how I perceived it, but that's not what I felt.
Speaker 2:What did he think about you?
Speaker 3:Oh, I was subject. I was there, was God, and then there was humans and then the devil. We're like tier two. We're just, we're fighting in to see if we go with devil, god. It's just like a war 50-50 chance. There was no connection or attachment. It's just, that's God, that's the devil. Try to pick your side by what you like more see if you act appropriately. It was pretty bleak.
Speaker 2:Did you feel like you wanted to pick God, or that you had picked God and so you're like, okay, I'm safe, or how did you feel yeah?
Speaker 3:I just wanted to live forever. To be honest, I know that sounds terrible, but in my mind I was like I just don't want to die. So if the options are not dying and I'll take not dying solitude side of God even though I think his role is, from what I would be taught, a ridiculous and he doesn't really love me it's not that great of a deal, but it's better than dying so out of Self-survival, which is like the worst spot to root your faith in. I chose God.
Speaker 2:I think that's pretty natural right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say too, but I think now, knowing what I know, now there's just a lot better reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So how did that manifest? In just either your behavior or yeah, it was like growing up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I Think it was exacerbated at home. I grew up with a great family life, from what I remember and believe Of course there's always faults but grew up with very loving parents, loving brothers, all that type stuff. But we were also a very well-oriented family. My father was extremely strict, extremely well-oriented, very. He was the head of the household, knows, very obvious. So I think I grew up in that type of environment well, and it exacerbated the issue. In high school it became an absolute rebel and he then and that's when, I think, around 17 is when I just attached from the church, religion, all that type of stuff and I said I'd rather just have fun in my life and die. I remember like making that switch to that mentality of I'm not gonna get to heaven, god does, he's not gonna choose me, I'm not gonna get a lot of. So like I literally remember thinking I'm just gonna have as much fun as I can before dying and that means sinning in my mind and Around that age and that just took off on a bad trajectory for a while in high school.
Speaker 2:Wait, hold on what led to the rebelliousness. Do you remember like what I started?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just remember feeling burnt out, just burnt out of rules, from my household, from my school, from what I have to do after school to college, to life, to God, and I just felt like I realized my own mortality was just. Years were going by, I had 60 years left on earth and I was like man, I'm not living how I want to live, and I just got like a Pre-teen life crisis at a very young age. I feel, without the demons, like I'm gonna do me.
Speaker 2:So what were your first choices? That you wouldn't have done this before you're like. Now I'm doing this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I shaved all my hair off, except for a ponytail just on the back of my head, because I knew it upset people.
Speaker 2:I yeah, I'm gonna live in my way now, in your face world.
Speaker 3:Yeah, started wearing really Metro sexual clothes like at the time is what it's called that started dressing extremely different, started getting a bunch of tattoos, started getting a tobacco, alcohol, some minor drugs and stuff like that, just Literally looking for any outlet to say I'm not supposed to be doing this and I would do it like almost in spite, just to go out, just to be, I don't know, just in a bad spot where that's where I thought I was gonna have fun and do what I wanted to Do and probably died. So if it was offered or is an ability that, lee, I was open to pursuing it at some point Did you become?
Speaker 2:did you actually Believe God doesn't exist, or were you just? I don't like this person, so I wish he didn't.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So in my mid I've never it's crazy for all the stuff that I went through I never doubted that that there was a God, which is Nice. I always knew there, but it turned to anger in my low 20s for sure. It turned into I Can't stand. This is the world, that how it is, this is how the rule is, how there I can't stand. The God put us in a situation and then it for sure turned into me accepting God's not the God I want to serve. He's. This is just bullcrap and I'm good with dying and it being over forever. It turned into that, my young 20s and with that mentality, anything and everything was open. So yeah, I definitely believe in God. I just I couldn't stand him, couldn't, didn't want to hear him. I didn't want to hear any music about him. I didn't want to hear any hamels and want to hear Bible verses like this. Second I heard the word God. It started to repulse me to an unhealthy and Disproportionate degree. When anyone even bring it up.
Speaker 2:And so you we were talking about rules that were doing this. Was it basically that the rigidity, that was, yeah, the thing you are pushing back against so hard?
Speaker 3:And I just felt like it was impossible for me to follow them. I just thought I will not accomplish this goal, that there, this task that had been set before me. So why am I trying? And I don't know like a lot of people go 10, 20, 30 years trying. I gave up early. I realized like this ain't happening, there's got to be another way, or this ain't happening, there's. I don't foresee a future in that. And so I Can stand in and lo and behold, I go into the military where rules are magnified 100 acts and I feel like that exacerbated issue even further. Now all I was begging for was freedom and some sounds of self identity and my own, and I think that those three Sets of rules I was living out between my father, the church and the military, I think, yeah, it definitely drove out an inner want to to do anything but what I was told.
Speaker 2:So how was your after you start this rebelliousness? How did your life seem to be going? Where did it make you happier in that moment, do you feel?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, in the moment for sure happier, because I was Doing anything and everything I wanted. So I was getting the drugs, I was drinking as much as I wanted, bouncing girls if I wanted. Going out of parting. Doing things I shouldn't be doing. Watching things, I should be watching. Talking the way we should be talking all those types things in the moment. Yeah, I felt great, I was on top of the world, but little did I know that I was damaging my health, I was damaging my finances to severe degrees, I was damaging my Relationships with my family, with my friends, and those things just didn't feel real at the time, but they were definitely happening. But I felt good and that was all that was important to me at the time.
Speaker 2:How long until the yeah, the consequences start to show up?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'd say right, when I got out of the military is when the consequences started to show up, because now I no longer had a Guaranteed job, didn't have a guaranteed, not in support group, but people around me that were there for me. Technically I was out on my own and In the real hate. The military, or did you?
Speaker 2:like yeah, this is the worst.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, could not stand it. I could not stand it. I cannot believe I go. I'm so glad I did out of all the stuff that I did, good memories, I was a great soldier kind of good athletes and all that but I cannot believe I joined. It was so far from what I thought I wanted at the time. But now, looking back, I'm really glad I did. But yeah, I hated it. So there was zero chance I was staying and what branch of the military were you? I was in the army, I was a airborne infantry, so that's MOS 11, actually option 40 for anybody you know.
Speaker 2:So did you get deployed? Did you see any kind of like?
Speaker 3:yeah. So when I first got in I got so fortunate, lucky, and I got stationed to the 10th Italy. So I got to do two years in Italy at their base and then one year in Graf and via Germany, so I was ready to do 20 years. I was like this is the best time of life. And then I got sent back to the United States when I did Fort Bragg and it was the worst military base and installation experience for years. It got a month that I got out the very next year and then I went to contract in Iraq and Afghanistan overseas and was part of an aerial surveillance team. They would go out and recon and see what's going on. So I was able to get to do a lot of traveling to a lot of different countries I think 19 in total which was really nice.
Speaker 2:So how many years were you in there?
Speaker 3:five years, so, that's from 18 on, or yep, about 18 and a half to 23 and 24. Yeah, right around that timeframe.
Speaker 2:So what was your plan like when you get out? What was life? What was your hope for your life?
Speaker 3:I know this is so dark to think back, but I had no plan. There was there, really, was not it in my mind Everything was just gonna be okay, but there was no plan. It was just yeah, we'll go to college and find a job, type thing. So Did you end up going to college? No, no, so no, and I chose it. Before I went to the military, I went to college in Colorado They'll. I did great the first center. Second semester. I got in everything I wasn't supposed to do and so I filled out. I went to the military, did five years. Now when you get Up military, you get to go to college for free. The blessing of going to college for free Financially it's just unreal. So I get out and I go back to college and do two and a half years doing great, 3.9, and boom, I'd like I fell off the cliff. It's when the deep end started. I thought the cliff got a point 9 GPA. I got ineligible for all my classes, didn't show up for entire six months. The dean called me, said you're done.
Speaker 2:What led to the falling off the cliff you were doing so well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I really I was motivated. It was a couple of years and I know it sounds terrible, but things. I met this girl and been seeing her for a couple years and things were very rocky up and down and I got a lot of my identity and her and my life at the current time and I think a lot of things that would go up and down would also be reflected in my school in real life and they got to a certain point where I Was just done. I didn't care anymore, I was done. It's kid trying for life. I wasn't gonna graduate, I was gonna get a job. I started palling on massive amounts of debts, taking out credit cards, taking out loans, you name it. I Would do it like anything just to see myself and get by, but I did not do a dang thing so this relationship with this young lady fell apart?
Speaker 2:did that and Were you just depressed after that, or was like we got still together and it was no, we were we were to get.
Speaker 3:We were off and on so many times. I can't remember type saying, but I just know the good and bad was so few in part between. It was so high and then it was so low with our eyes and lows that I don't know I was a significant part of that issue and problem. I was the one causing the user through the problem, so came back but I would inflict this terrible damage and I have to try to repair and fix it and then just feel Just Defeated, lost, and I just kept thinking of everything. I'm going to die. I'm ten more. Years has gone by, nothing has happened. My life, I'm gonna die even sooner. I don't care about the job, the school, I just have this illicit point of view of what's the point of anything. And I'm For about six months to a year, I just stopped everything. I didn't leave my apartment. I remember there's about a three week period where I didn't open my mouth to talk. I talked to someone in three weeks. I remember hearing my voice in the morning when I coughed at ground and I was like, oh, that's crazy. I haven't heard a voice in a long time and it was my own, which is Not a healthy way to deal with that depression by sitting inside your apartment. Yeah, I just ordered. Food didn't come out and Lee can do anything. You're sat there and rotted for a while.
Speaker 2:Wow, what got you out of that man?
Speaker 3:I would say debt collectors coming feeling out of college, debt collectors coming couldn't pay bills, didn't have a place to live, so nothing at that point got me out. I packed everything up in my car. I had a lot of stuff and I only had a two, a four-door car, so anything I packed in my car was important enough for me to keep against. Everything else I threw in the dumpster. Like every single possession I owned was in the dumpster but it didn't fit in a car. That's so much stuff. Like 80% of my stuff just gets trashed and thrown away and I pick up all my stuff, get my car in my carless. Now I live in my car. I was like I'll see if my parents will take me on. I drove from Florida to Colorado and lived in my parents' basement and I was like all right, I'll find a job here in my local town and this will be it for me.
Speaker 2:And how did your parents handle that? Were they just happy that you were safe?
Speaker 3:And they knew, because it was so bad that I didn't think anyone would my mother flew down to see me without telling me, randomly during that year period it just showed up in my front door because they knew something was bad. And so when I told them I was coming home to get essentially clean and figure my life out, they were actually relieved, because I think that they were like if someone doesn't help them or someone doesn't, someone is going to get real bad. So I think they were relieved that. I know that I wouldn't have been a permanent thing for them, I'm sure, but they were relieved. So it was a welcome home, which I think I'll forever be grateful for. That's really nice.
Speaker 2:And so you're like 24, 25 at this point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, 25, 25ish, but living downstairs trying to find a job went and found a job making I think it was $11 an hour as a security guard at a meat packing plant and was getting yelled at by people all day because I was telling them not to bring knives in and they were yelling every square and I was like dude, this is crazy, how drastic life's changing. It's not what I wanted to be doing, type of thing. So I did it for four days, I quit and then I got on and said I'm going overseas. I said I'm, I got to get out of the day, I'm willing to go live in the worst condition. So I found 12 hours a day, seven days a week job and I ran and paying good enough money to help me start paying off debts and I would just have to be over there for a year. And so I told everybody I'm like I got to go get my life figured out. So I felt the packet and headed out over there and that's when the withdrawal started, because there's no access to drugs over there, no access to alcohol, all that kind of stuff. So I went out to work in the United States military and your department of government. I racked, going through withdrawals and a tense in 170 degree heat Just riding around. This is the worst decision ever having to work 12 hours and then go again to med space. So that's how I eventually started to climb myself out. Was that decision? So I did that for the year, paid off all my insane debt that wasn't crushing me and then, while it was over there, reconnected with the girl that I was talking to with UCF, which you all later find out that ends up being my wife, christina. But we had been known each other for years. At this point, like four years, and we start talking again and I think a big part of the story too, you just might get that she was religious and she was an Adventist, which I didn't know at the time, but Adventist at that, from what I learned earlier, had a lot of rules too. There was going to be even more rules than what this fucking Baptist had, and I'm like, oh man, here we go again. So I told her I'm good with you, haven't I? I just don't want to hear a word, single word. I remember she would as hard as she would try to put on it and be as her. She called it the Sabbath and I'm like Saturday's not church, sunday football day, but anyway she would say Sabbath. Saturday She'd put on a gospel music. I have to turn off the radio. I'd shut it off, I would get irate. We were getting into fights about it because I couldn't even hear it. I could not even listen to it, which is so sad. But anyways, I started connecting with her again in Iraq and she was dropping hints here and there that he wanted me to change too. She could. She was hoping on the change with me. She had stopped finally, with four years of fighting and ups and downs and a lot of stuff. But while it was over there we were trying to rekindle it type thing, and we did for a couple of months long distance. But then again it fizzled out and I was like, okay, I'm going to stay over here forever and work the rest of my life over here. I finally had gotten clean, dropped a bunch of weight, let's get my life in order. I was like, okay, I can start to see things start looking up. And then boom, me and her went off the deep end again. I was like, all right, I just saw myself going back into a dark hole. But then, right around the end of it right before COVID happened. So another year I contact her and figure out we're going to try again. And so I was like, all right, I got to get home and thank goodness I did this right before COVID hit. I got on a helicopter to get out, but then COVID hits and all these new restrictions came in place and nobody was up to leave or enter the country like half a year. So thankfully I got out when I did, so I can go home and try to rekindle things with her. And the first part is when I get home we stopped talking again. Another thing happens. We get into another big fight and we stopped talking again. It's just this perpetual, terrible fight sequence. And I get home to Colorado and I start my first civilian, actual, real job in my own apartment. I'm like all right, I got my life somewhat on the right place. Still have a bunch of dads, still have a bunch of strats and all that kind of stuff. At least I got things somewhat going now and what? I'd appear to have things going. And then I was back to Alfenhol again, started drinking 9am to 10pm like I normally do, and sure as that I'd wake up, take a shot, just to get the day going, then just drink Jim Bean throughout the entire day. Never like blacking out drunk, but just enough to make me forget about my existence and the mortality and death and how much I hated my life and how things weren't going out. Went to the for about a year, went to the old 9am to 10pm, drinking daily every day. You know, six and five days a year it was so it was terrible.
Speaker 2:So Iraq, you got completely dried out Got completely dried out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, doing so good Felt happy, felt good, felt healthier. And not a week back Right back in that liquor store.
Speaker 2:So it wasn't really about. It was just like this is the way you're going to be able to cope with your life.
Speaker 3:Yes, you nailed them ahead. I told myself that we can't handle life. Well, you can't. I told myself you can't handle that. This is life and you're going to die and this kind of goes. So let's just numb it up until that point comps and try to be happy. And so, yeah, that was the philosophy for a super long time.
Speaker 2:So you would go to work just a little buzzed and just be at work Just a time here, yeah, and just keep it up all day long, just. But I would kind of moderating it as long as I was at the office.
Speaker 3:And then when I was at the office, I wouldn't play that game because I'm actually it's the strangest thing I'm like the safest. I was the safest alcoholic in the world. I refused to drink and drive that thing. I would always make sure someone would drive me and if someone wasn't driving me I would just not be able to drink enough. Just, I would allow myself to be upset and go through withdrawal. I would not. It's just, I was a standing pillar. I could not do it because I knew that would set me too far back and what I thought in my mind. So I was like, as long as I don't drink and drive, it's okay, I would find other ways.
Speaker 2:And so you never did, nope.
Speaker 3:Thankfully never got a DUI, but I did get. I had to go to for that work, for that dropout and going out the whole substance abuse and therapy course, Because one day at work they sent me in and I did test for all of that kind of stuff and they're like all right, we got to go to a course. So I had to pay money out of pocket to go to a course and that was which I one time. I was like you know, maybe this might be good, Maybe therapist or something like that might help. I went there and wasted absolutely four weeks of my life. I feel like it did more harm than good. It just was not a good experience. So as soon as that was over, right back to it and back to the North, did you?
Speaker 2:What? What was your bottom line belief about alcohol? Did you, were you like I wish this wasn't a part of my life, or did you even not even think that was a possibility?
Speaker 3:Despise it. Yeah, I was mad that I knew it, like you said, you nailed on the head on Tony, I would tell myself, was like we just need this to know ourselves to get by. I remember telling myself that, screaming up at my ceiling and my apartment brightening, saying show me a miracle. It's right, because that's. I know I've never said this, but that was the running thing. I would always tell Christina is, until I see a defying miracle, until I see physics, world-made physics, defy type miracle, I'm not gonna believe God's looking up for me and wants to talk. May reach me that kind of stuff. I can't be sure of all the stuff that I've called. I need something to fight. I just there, I'm seeing this and scream show me a miracle, just show me one, like miracles, I think, and then just swig alcohol right after and be like, yep, we're not getting a miracle. So and do what I want. If he doesn't want to get it, what I want, I think forcing he just weird old tomatoes on the God that he had nothing to do it in the first place. So what happened next, man? Yeah, so then I headed, headed down a real bad path and so one day, I don't know, I Don't know exactly the day. You might know that it better, but anyways, I finally rekindled with Christina Again and we had the rule that I'm a drink for the rest of my life and on she's. I'm not gonna talk about God for the. That's not because I can't stand any of her values. I haven't seen a miracle. I don't know anythings to deal with and I was. I Was brutal to her over these times, truly brutal there are. A Scary person did some serious stuff and she just hung in there. I don't want, but she kept trying. And then one day I cannot explain the severity of the situation, but when I talked to her something had changed there. I've known this broke at that point for seven years now. I knew it for a really long time and we were we're just talking and I remember me being overly mean for something very small and her Patiently like taking a step back from a fight which he never would do and just saying it's okay, I love you and you're perfect. And when you haven't been used to that type of fight for seven years to hear that with so off Setting, I was like what that hell does that mean? It almost made me more You're like what kind of mind game is this you're trying to pull? You just want to be done with the fights. I'll be trying to get up, and so, anyways, I go back into her and she keeps up the same mentality and attitude. And a Week goes on and I know some more and she's just happy, she's genuinely happy, and seems to be acting different to me, to be Caring yourself, different, and I was like what is going on with you? And he tells me about this love reality tour and I instantly start like cringing up inside. I'm like, oh no, here comes it, the next wave of whatever religious pokey pokey. She's got going on and she's gonna try to teach me about.
Speaker 2:And you guys were just homies at this point, or were you like considering, dating, considering, like what was it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think we were. I think we were more than homies at this point. I think we were technically dating again. It was just. I think we were technically dating again, I'm not sure on that. It was so scattered I'm talking like 15 to 20 plus times we were girlfriend versus friends, boyfriend. So I did so bad, even tell you, and it's so bad.
Speaker 2:What was it about her that you're just like I Like. What is it?
Speaker 3:What, yeah you couldn't leave on it yet he was mesmerizing I first of all. She is Hell wicked smart, just a wicked smart. She's going to grad school, got her DPT and New shoes. Intelligent. We had deeper conversations than I did with other partners or significant others. She just was able to intellectually tell us, being in table, my fancy and was just very like minded when he came to that Conceptual type of stuff and I absolutely loved it and she was hella funny. The I don't. I think I wasn't a big laugh for about other people and stuff, but she actually generally made me laugh about stuff. That was funny. She had a way to take my own humor. She will learn your humor. I shall create jokes with your humor for your humor, for you. It's not her humor that she like knows. I didn't say to her make that stuff for you. So I was just. I was beyond belief and admit that's myself at the time. But those hopes are so deep in me that I knew I love this girl. I think even if it was a terrible and healthy toxic situation, deep down I at least knew I enjoyed her presence in company. So I think that's why I was coming back.
Speaker 2:So she tells you about the love reality to her. What do you remember what she said about it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, she used the terms I'm free. I'm like I just hear more jargon and more lingo and I'm like, what the hell does this mean? And she just Just tries to go and explain it. I'm like, no, I don't cool, that's cool, that's so great. I remember just being so zoned out. I was playing a video game or something. I was like, yeah, you are free, god does love you. That's awesome, that's crazy. And just put it off. I didn't really think of anything of it. Many ways we start going about her lives and she is noticeably different. It is noticeably different and I'm like it was almost frustrating for me. And then one day she's we're going to Nebraska. And I'm like, well, she's, I'm going to Nebraska. She's the roads are really bad because it's snowing and raining and I need you to help drive me there. And looking back, he told me she just wanted to get me there. But in my mind I was like, oh, I'll be the macho man, I'll drive you through the rain and sleet and snow. And I was like all right, let's go, and at that time I'm still drinking heavy like it's no Angry a God drinking heavy, not a good person, do not have just ready to die mentality. And so we drive all the way to Nebraska and I Turns out it's just this and I thought it was this big church sermon I was going to type thing no, this is close knit group of friends and everyone's in a good mood and everyone's happy and everyone seems to be at peace. Like the worst place in the world to bring someone who hates themselves and hates their life. And so I get to pull up and see her interact with the people that told her the good news and get to learn about everybody. I Remember absolutely despising it, absolutely despising it. I did not have a good time. I did not like the people. I went to the hotel room was drinking heavy at the hotel room there, like it was, it was. It was a while.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and I'm gonna introduce you to my friend, misha. Misha. Misha, how long have you been rocking with good gospel? For around two years, two years, what? How did you get introduced to this gospel?
Speaker 4:Well, my best friend Savannah found you guys and she told me that I needed To get onto the Bible studies and I never did. And then I finally did just get on, and then I loved you guys ever since and yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I remember Seeing you on there for the first time. What has this revelation and understanding of how good the gospel is? What has it done in your life?
Speaker 4:It transformed it. I was living in anger and in lust, and now I live in love and in truth.
Speaker 2:Oh, just a, just a transformation. You hear in the gospel that transforms people's lives. Just transformed your life. That's it Absolutely. I love that. So you've gone to the next level and you actually donate to the ministry, donate to the death lie podcast. What has motivated you to give some of your finances to keep this movement going?
Speaker 4:love, love motivated me just that. To love others is to give, and what you guys put out the gospel, and it's just like I have 100% back it up in everything. So it's like, why not, why wouldn't I not give to this?
Speaker 2:Man, you're a testimony. That was me so much. Thank you so much, misha. I love seeing your life lived. I love seeing how you pour into people and you're a blessing and a testimony to us. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:Maybe. Maybe you don't remember this, but from hearing this later, this is fun for me, so you have to hear me when we're all in this. Like it's the middle of COVID and we wanted to get a bigger venue right and we had met Christina online and so she's bringing her friend Austin, and you come in there and you're noticeably Unapproachable. Yeah, but then you're just sitting there and I remember you sat next to my wife. Do you remember what happened here?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I'm missing there story and she was like, just Some of her demeanor didn't match mine, but it was more similar to mine than other people. She seemed more reserved than other people and we just have a one or two sentence passing, I think, talking about something, and I was like, oh, thank goodness another normal person and she's, I'm actually part of this process. That's why I was getting Like, oh no, there's no safe even in this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cuz like she started to testify.
Speaker 3:I remember yes and I was like, oh, and it was just as impactful and deep. She's just with them. Yeah, I do that. That's funny that I'm walking there. Really, I forgot I had that.
Speaker 2:I don't know if we met. I think I was like I don't know if we met at all. I'm maybe, I don't know, hey, nice to meet you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, we don't. I think we talking here. I think it might have been on purpose to I can't remember if it was on purpose space on Wednesday. But I'm telling you I don't know if Christina ever told you this, but I remember the first couple love reality Friday night, like Worship sessions that there are. I could not stand you. I know that sounds awful, but you came on with your podcast Mike and you're spitting facts and tongue stuff and I was I like Purposely you out of everybody. No, it's on. It should be a testament now looking back, but then it was probably a good sign. But now at a time was like man, I can't stand rich. I focused in after call. I was like I once unite success. I don't like rich and she's what did even say or did yours and that was what I want to apologize. I'm sorry, man, I judge you way too early. You're one of the funniest meme content Christian creators I know on the game today. What was it man? You and your wife seem the most. I know not normal, but you guys seem the most. From where I came from, you guys seemed more Similar in your attitude, demeanor, confidence and presence from my background. Anyone else there? So I thought I was gonna be able to relate with you to more. At least I'd be team rich and your wife and it ended up not being that way. And so there's like, whatever dude even beyond you you think you're cool, you'd be on that team too. Then, yeah, I think that was the case. I was mad that. I was like I somewhat saw myself being same age as you, probably do the same thing as like sports. All that I was like, yeah, and he's on board with this program. I think it made me mad. I was like even what I perceived as cool guys are switching over type thing. So, yeah, I was mad at you and even though I love it bro.
Speaker 2:So you go back to the hotel room and you're hitting it hard just because, yeah, mad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just mad man, because at that point it was starting to get mad that I didn't have what you guys said. That's when it started for me. I was like Ty told Tyler what I want to do and he's that's okay, man, I love you, don't beat yourself over it, it's okay. And I was like everyone's giving me these same responses of just patience and kindness and some love, and I'm like God, I wanted someone to yell back or fight or argue or Prove me right that you're gonna do something about which, even if they did look like a shirt of mattered. But yeah, that's the goal, right? If someone who doesn't believe her is angry, we want retaliation. We want you guys to lose it. We want you to come down to this level, because we can't come up there. There's no way. We're not coming up there, so we have to bring someone down to our level to do the little warfare on. No one would do it, and so I leave more frustrated than ever.
Speaker 2:Were you mad at Christina, or were you just?
Speaker 3:I think I loved her so much that I close my picture. But yeah, I was mad at her and I think she was not frustrated me, but she was trying to help me this whole time and I just was refusing and I was mad at her for Trying to push it so hard. But yeah, I'm give it to her. I let her know that she's pushing to art. There's not things I want to do and I was very sharp and mean probably about it. But yeah, I I definitely knew she was doing it on purpose.
Speaker 2:Now, this is not about the rain. So there's this point during the weekend and you were just mentioning it, but it's a funny story to me you were really trying to push people a little bit so that they could get angry with you, right? And then you have this conversation with Tyler Do you remember this? Because we talk, your story is a big deal to us and so we've actually talked about this and shared this with Other people. Do you remember what you said to him? I've heard this story so many times.
Speaker 3:No, you know I'm trying to remember what it I, oh, what I, what I wanted to do. It was like, if I want to be honest with you, tyler, what I want to go do right now, is it that conversation or no?
Speaker 2:that. It's that conversation. But you had said something about how All of us are the same, like we're all on the same page, and you were trying to pick off one of us.
Speaker 3:Yes, that, and that's that's what the fresh import was, because I haven't encountered a religious body your group, that was like that yet Everyone had their own interpretation so drastically different. I was like, okay, what about this that you follow but he doesn't follow? And then when there's that ambiguity between them, I'm like you guys don't even have it set law or set read a set of rules. It's over. You guys, this is flawed. I proved it. It's not consistent. Good enough for me wrap up, show, go home, but you guys weren't listing out a rule, set of rules for me to follow. It was much different and you guys are all on the same page about the path that you guys follow and that is that rules that thing. And so it was. Yeah, it was impossible to pick off Something that was a unanimous agreement.
Speaker 2:So tell us what you told Tyler that you wanted to do and what, yeah, what was to that.
Speaker 3:I'll tell Tyler tells you having a good time here. I'm like not really. I'm like road to me. Honestly, I just want to say some cuss words in front of you guys. Go outside, smoke a cigarette, go back, get hammered and Watch what everyone watch and forget about you guys type thing. I don't want to be here right now. And he was like I was just ready for the fight, like I was, I just alright, that should do it. That, that should be. That should stir up something enough for me that at least open up a debate that could get you and you. Just I understand man, he's, I love you and everything is gonna be okay and you're in good hands. God's already, you're already safe, you're to God. You don't even know he's already got you that and that type of stuff. And I'm just like chuckling it, laughing off and seething underneath my skin, like how dare you say to me that I'm okay? I know I'm okay, I don't need you to tell me. But Conversation with Tyler and the face you gave me when I told him and just not what I wanted or expected to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, go, do it, go, cousin your car.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, just go for a man. I was like, all right, all right, I will. And then, anyways, we leave that place and we have conversations on the way a moment. Okay, it was nice being around good people. The weekend wasn't terrible and there's weeks going. Christina continues to, continues to show that change and keeps getting on to these Bible study sessions with you guys and I noticed a difference with you guys and I'm starting to overhear more, listen more and that kind of stuff and I Don't know. These last couple years have been very well for me, very crazy to me. We got into a situation where we were in Pueblo and Unhappy in Colorado. At this point I was like here's started to think about like maybe praying again or maybe start to read the Bible again. It's trying to learn about God and things are changing and a lot of good things started happening, which I didn't always acquaint or attribute it to being God, but we were able to move away. We were able to get also we're able to come to Florida, be around friends, like all these good possible things are happening in kitchen is just saying I had faith, like God's gonna take care of us, all this type of stuff, and I Was like, okay, whatever the case may be. And then somewhere along the way I'm not, it wasn't, I can't say that, it was just a specific day and moment that something happened but I noticed in a very quick time span over this last couple years, towards the earlier time the miracle that I've been asking God for it, if I World-made physics and all that kind of stuff finally happened, and I didn't even realize it was happening at the point, but I'm Without a doubt it. God changed my heart at some point when I was switching over and that miracle is Greater than him levitating any book in front of my face right now to change a human's heart like that completely in I Can't express. There's a lot of stuff I'm gonna say about my headspace, of the type of stuff that I thought, but I will say it. There was times and I was at, you see, after I was thinking like how can I be more than long and I know that sounds crazy but I was like thinking how can I be worse? How can I literally get more, even with God, get back at God how can I be more evil? How can I be worse? Just like the worst headspace you can imagine. I was almost like thinking about making prayers for power and money and Just really weird dark stuff that I started getting into is, if there's power in the good way, there's power in the bad way started thinking about that kind of crazy stuff. So for me to think that my heart is completely changed to an aspect where I Can't even fathom being the human being anymore. That that miracle of changing my heart was by far greater than any earth-defying miracle I think you got it showed me and well, it has absolutely blossomed my life, peace and joy and Love and being able to spread that to some. I would never spread love or kind or comfort to the people. I'm the last person, or if they would have done that back in the day. And now I'm like actively trying to I and thank God I was able to marry a beautiful woman that is able to push those bounds in me because with her help I've been able to do things I never would have dreamed of doing, and I'm beyond blessed to this day and I'm normally not a talker, normally don't like to share live stories, but the fact that I heard so many depth life podcasts and seeing this power going on through other people, man, it's undeniable, and I'm such a mathematical black and white guy, but it is so unbelievable, the power of Jesus and that transformation, and I felt like I owed it that I should be on of talk. You know, if I was invited on this podcast people, they'd tell them that the transformation of the heart I Don't care if it's mathematically Quantifiable, it is the greatest power I've ever seen in this world, without a doubt, the power of what Jesus did and what it can do to a human's heart, and my goal is now to go spread that. I really feel like there is so much more that I can be. They can be I've purposed and like I've used in life and they just wrapped up in a really nice way from these last couple of years after a lot of years in the dark.
Speaker 2:So Bro, do you remember? And you said you don't remember a day. Do you remember what your mind, your idea of who God was, what it was and how it was shifting, what was it shifting towards? God is actually like this instead of like this is crazy, but just reading the Bible a little bit, helped.
Speaker 3:A bit helped a ton. That's where the truth, this words coming from, is a Bible, right, but when you did test the religion in the Bible, I was out of Bible for eight years at one point, forgotten. With that, you back, get back into gospel, you get back into what Paul writes and closions and Romans. And then Christine like showing me word for word what it says, and I, holy cow, he does love me. It's actually Undeniable how much he loves me. Look at this, look for what he's done, look what he said, and it's like maybe it is true, because this, it Doesn't matter what humans tell me, as long as I go by what this book tells me. And then it wasn't even a feeling, it was the concept of it. All I needed was to be told that the concept was wrong, of what I believe, and be proven with the Bible, that this is the way things are. And once that started being coming more and more clear to me and the truth starts getting like the fall comes away from your eyes and the truth starts getting presented in front of your face, I think that, yeah, I just, I was like this actually makes a ton of sense. And he just clicks and I think I just needed. I didn't need a Bible verse to get me to that point. I didn't need God's miracle to get me to that point. I think I just needed a little love showed to me. I know that sounds I'm not transfer a pity party, but I think I just needed which Grateful for now, but my wife that now, but at the time she just showed me a little Unconditional love and I think that's all it took at that time just to like this spark bit. I am loved, I'm okay, someone cares from in. That's all it took. It's the little kindness.
Speaker 2:Man. I've told this story before, but it's resonating right now. I I was sitting with a buddy and we were talking about Kevin Durant. I don't know if you follow Kevin Durant or Mm-hmm. His whole thing is that he gets on the internet and he has this burner Twitter account and he just like flames people and he attacks Yep and yeah you know, there's this thing about how he never want to ring until he got with the warriors, and Me and my buddy were talking about it and I was just like, man, kevin just needs the gospel, and my buddy was like, actually, he just needs unconditional love, and the unconditional love is the thing that Opens us up to be able to receive the gospel in the first place, like we love, because he first loved us. And so it's almost like God changing Christina's life and allowing her to actually lay her life down. Love and all like legit love want your best for you. Even though you were being a jerk, even though you weren't giving it back. You seeing that as the catalyst that changed your life. Right? Am I off on that?
Speaker 3:No, I think you're spot on. I think your buddy's spot on too. I think a lot of people try to go too far overboard and overload people with info and Bible verses and scripture and what's being said about them all, and for the long people that might work, that might be the case, but I think there's a lot of time, especially in the world today, where that gateway is actually just an act of kindness, an act of love, and makes a big difference. So I think that sticks in my mind everywhere I go. Now, if you can just make a little difference, I witness it a ton Could have me and my wife go places and she's a lot better about visiting me, but she'll offer a tiny bit of graciousness or kindness or patience or empathy or wantingness to listen to these people just moments of our time and it turns into a 30 minute lie faltering conversation with this person. They just needed someone that they to talk to and I'm like how many people are out here that are just looking for that touch today, just for that 30 minutes of time? And so I think that's another good thing that I've learned to carry with me since this transformation as well, especially since I've been able to witness it so many times.
Speaker 2:So did you decide, oh, we need to get married before you were living in truth or after you were living in truth?
Speaker 3:So that's right around the time saying of Wayne was happening was right around that marriage and by the time we got married. So yeah, I got it. Even yeah. So it was right around that time that I wanted to be a neighbor. So I told that I wanted to be off nicotine, alcohol and that kind of stuff for the wedding and I wanted to go to Florida without that stuff. And that's right around where the transformation was happening. So it was actually perfect timeline for it.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, we were all geeked out. Eddie did your marriage, you guys, yes, he did. We were like keeping track. He would send us pictures and all of us who just have had our lives changed. If somebody else is having a life change, we're like, oh, let me see, we have homo. If somebody like we're not able to be there, what do you remember about that whole week and your wedding, and just like the truth, just being like sealed, like you're like, no, this is me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it was. I think it was so neat Like I cannot explain how drastic of a different person I was to around this time. It's like being shifted. I don't really remember understanding how big of a deal it was or really submitting yourself, I think. Every year that goes on, I feel more and more how big of a transformation that was, how big of a deal it is, how much I love God, how much I love me, as even from now to last year it's so significantly more, I swear, the more that I learned, the more that I found out. I'm just beyond blessed and you're so grateful and love God, love Jesus, love God, love people type thing. And yeah, since the wedding it's been an up here trajectory and it hasn't slowed down since. For sure, if anything, it's 10 times better than when I was getting married. It's just crazy. I didn't think there was that much. I thought, once you learn this kind of stuff and you figure out like, oh, like, but when it's boring, you believe in God. No, there's so much more to it constantly learning, constantly being humbled, and you almost want to. You want to be humbled by God. I'm someone who never wanted to be called. I wanted to humble others felt good getting that power to humble others. Now I'm like God, humble me because I have no clue what's going on. Just you, please help me, pops, let me know what's going on. So it's just a breath of fresh air too to be able to see that uphill trajectory climb since the wedding and just excited for the future with them.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this and we'll wrap it up If you go back to this kid who's pretty much just I don't know high school, where you're just like F, everything I'm done, I'm just gonna die young and leave a pretty corpse, and you could pull that kid to the side and just talk to him for a minute, what would you try to pour into that kid?
Speaker 3:Based on his mental state. I think it would have to be hard to tell him a couple things. I think the biggest thing is that I just didn't know that there was a power powerful enough to change a heart. I know that sounds crazy, but I didn't think that you could actually witness someone change that drastically in such a short amount of time. If there is a power in love, there was greater than the power and fear that I believe. I wish I could just go back to home, bro. There's something so much bigger and more powerful out there than what you're scared of, what you're afraid of right now, and there's something so much bigger and more powerful that will dwarf that for real. Don't carry that fear for the next decade of your life and let it eat you up and make you flash out at people. It's hard to say that, but I wouldn't treat it for anything. I'm glad that I was able to experience these things, to be able to come to the fruition of what I know now.
Speaker 2:Well, man, I just wanna say thank you so much because your life has been a blessing and a testimony to all of us. When we think about that weekend and we talk about, like I said, I've heard the stories of that weekend so much that I tell your story to people all the time, and just to see your life lived is a huge blessing and a testimony, like literally all of us who are a part of this ministry. And so thank you for sharing today. But just being open to receiving his faithfulness, it's almost like I'm thanking you for being loved my God. But that's what it is, man. I just wanna say thank you, you are a blessing, you are a testimony. If, in the future, man, I wanna share this, it doesn't have to be anything crazy. It could just be like your good works, like this is the thing that Jesus talks about in the Sermon and the Mount. He says your good works, people will see and they'll glorify your Father in heaven. It doesn't necessarily mean that like an in-depth spiritual conversation. It just can mean picking somebody up and caring for them. It's love that changes, unconditional love. And, man, I'm thanking you, bro. I love seeing your life lived. Your marriage is a testimony, and your life is a testimony, so thank you so much for sharing that with us today.
Speaker 3:I do appreciate that and, yeah, I think that it's overdoing. It needs to be set to YouTube on me, but I can't. The last year, during January, February, March and April, when I just had come to come to my new belief and my new love for Jesus, I was. I had no knowledge, no, nothing. So I was like trying to get into the Bible and that's great, trust me. I had a lot of success there. But hearing the Death of Life podcast was something different. I cannot explain to you when I wasn't super well educated and rooted, just being able to hear other stories to keep my perspective and check of all these different types of outcomes and situations and paths, it helped quench a lot of questions that I had. They're like no, this is normal, it's okay, listen to these stories. It for I was on a binge tour. I'm telling you I'd listened to the same episodes multiple times. It was my gym work. I'm bench pressing, listening to people talk about Jesus, Like it just soaked in, and I definitely think that helped progress me and it helped with a bunch of questions and uncertainties and I just want to say thank you for you and what you do and all these episodes. Don't even know it. But for four months of my newfound life I was like thank you, Rich, for putting on another episode. I just want you to just keep pumping these things out. It made a big difference for me. So thank you for what you do and for bringing these stories to life, because they're helping more people than you know, man.
Speaker 2:Man, praise the Lord, brother. That's the humbling thing, and the more we go out here and preach it, man, the more they might not be on the death of life podcast, but there's going to be story after story, man, and wow, what a privilege, right. What a privilege that your your story, not even if this episode doesn't publish, it still will change people's lives, and that it's going to be published. It's just going to be that much more. So, man, praise the Lord. Thank you so much, my friend, absolutely.
Speaker 3:New Beesie Rich.
Speaker 2:Yes sir, all right. What's so powerful about this is that it's the simple, unconditional love that changes somebody's life. We can know all the theology in the world and we can break down. You know what Roman six means and what Roman seven means. We can have a bunch of gifts, spiritual gifts, we can know all of it, but if we don't understand what unconditional love is, we're just brass, we're a clang and gong. And so if that's where you're at, where you're just like, okay, all I've known in my life is is how to proof, text somebody and explain this and explain that to somebody, but we're missing the unconditional love. Man, you've been loved, and the key to being able to love unconditionally is being unconditionally loved by your father in heaven. And I want to tell you right now you have been unconditionally loved. He loves you without restraint. It's he's kind to you, he's steadfast, he bears long, like he loves you. And so if you're here in this and you want to love in the same way, this is my prayer for you, father in heaven reveal that, reveal that to us, that you have loved us in such a way that we're now able to love, and it's not that we have to run a whole sermon series or start a podcast. We can actually just lay our lives down and seek others' wellness before we think of ourselves. So thank you that you have given this to us, that you have changed us and so that we can love in the way that you have always loved us. And we pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.