Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#183 Jennifer Oliver: A Journey from Chaos to Redemption
What happens when life throws you into a whirlwind of broken family ties, substance abuse, and rebellious teenage years? Join us as Jennifer Oliver shares her poignant journey from a chaotic childhood in Raytown, Kansas City, to a life of faith and resilience. This episode explores the profound impact of her parents' divorce, the normalization of alcohol in her family, and the subsequent struggles that shaped her formative years. Jennifer's raw and honest recounting of these early experiences sets the stage for a powerful narrative of survival and transformation.
Throughout this episode, Jennifer candidly discusses her years of teenage rebellion, substance abuse, and the hardships of navigating college without a clear direction. She bravely opens up about her mental health struggles, unplanned pregnancies, and the heart-wrenching decisions she faced along the way. We follow her through the darkest moments of her life, including homelessness, betrayal, and the challenges of the family drug court system. Despite the chaos, Jennifer's story is one of unwavering resilience and the search for true fulfillment beyond temporary pleasures.
Witness the transformative power of grace as Jennifer details her path from turmoil to redemption. From attending a Christian marriage conference that mended her relationship with her husband to finding strength and solace in the gospel, her journey underscores the importance of spiritual growth and forgiveness. This episode is a testament to the life-changing power of faith, showcasing how love and forgiveness can help overcome life's most challenging moments. Tune in to be inspired by Jennifer's remarkable story of hope and renewal.
Chapters
0:00 - From Death to Life
6:50 - Life of Rebellion and Struggle
16:35 - Journey of Struggles and Redemption
30:58 - Struggles of Loss and Redemption
47:59 - From Turmoil to Marriage
1:03:07 - Marriage Struggles and Redemption
1:16:36 - Journey of Transformation and Redemption
1:24:26 - Family Struggles and Separation
1:32:39 - Restoration Through Trials and Faith
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus.
Speaker 2:This is Death to Life and it was a sermon over Romans and the thing that got me was he had said he was, he was talking about lies and you know how, like an example of how they work. And he goes you know, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go you're so ugly, you're fat, you're worthless. And the pastor said no, you don't do that. You don't talk in third person. Only Satan talks in third person. And that hit me so hard Like I started crying because I knew exactly. By that time I'm like, oh, I get it now. I've been believing a lot of lies is with Jennifer Oliver.
Speaker 1:This episode, on the raw scale it's an 11. So be aware where you're going to listen to this episode. There's some death but there's some life and Jennifer is completely honest. She is new in Christ and her story is is amazing and it just shows how grace transforms. So careful where you listen to it, I'm not going to step on it, we're just going to jump into it and hear Jennifer's heart. So buckle up, strap in Love y'all, appreciate y'all. Here is Jennifer.
Speaker 2:I am from Kansas City.
Speaker 1:What part of Kansas City are you from?
Speaker 2:Raytown.
Speaker 1:Raytown Were you born in Kansas City.
Speaker 2:Yep, I was born and raised in Kansas City. I grew up in Raytown. From the time I was born up till eight, I had both my parents in the home, my sister in the home. When I turned eight, my parents got a divorce. My sister married her sweetheart and moved far away. So then I was just left there with everything. You know just as it was going back and forth between my parents. You know just as it was going back and forth between my parents, and it was definitely difficult because I didn't understand. I never seen them fight in front of me. They would fight behind closed doors and that's why they ended up getting a divorce.
Speaker 1:But going forward. They just couldn't get along.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they couldn't live together. Going forward, they just couldn't get along. Yeah, they couldn't live together. They just had too many differences, I think, on how they thought a household should run. And up to that point I mean life was pretty good. I mean we took a vacation every year, everything normal. My dad, he coached my softball league when I played, when I was little, and you know life was good.
Speaker 2:And then when they got divorced, it just it was just like a snowball for me and they just started. You know how it is when you have divorced parents, they try to use, use the kid kind of as the middleman almost, and they'll be like, hey, would you, you would rather be here, be here and just play in that game of back and forth. I dealt with that for a little bit. And then, um, when the divorce happened happened, they started drinking more heavily. So being around the alcoholism and just seeing that firsthand and in my family, I mean that was the normal, was drinking on the weekend, going to the Lake of the Ozarks, hanging out and partying, and you know it, it was not great.
Speaker 1:What's it like for a kid. What's it like for a kid Like did you think alcohol was dangerous? Did you think it was like? What did you think about alcohol?
Speaker 2:I didn't totally understand and I didn't really think there was a problem with it. I didn't really feel like there was a problem with it until I got a little older. I do remember as a young girl around nine or ten, and my mom, she would go to the bar with my cousin and my aunt and they would go drinking. And I'm sitting at home watching Beavis and Butthead and they would go drinking and I'm sitting at home watching Beavis and Butthead.
Speaker 1:That's. That's really interesting, because I think growing up in the church, especially the Adventist church that I grew up in, drinking is not like well, it's not, it's. It's OK to drink, it's bad to get drunk, or it's bad to be sloppy, or is about to drink and drive. It is like any kind of alcohol is like the devil, is about a drink and drive, it is like any kind of alcohol is like the devil. And so, like I grew up thinking that alcohol is like this evil thing, not just like, oh, if you have too much, it's not a good thing. So I'm like when I think about your situation, you're growing up. Alcohol is not good or bad, it's just, it's just is huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it was. It was just a thing, everybody was doing it and it was their escape a lot of the time. So that was definitely pretty hard to watch and be left alone a lot. Um, my parents, both they were they. My mom, she worked her 40 hours. My dad, um, I lived. My mom ended up with custody of me so I lived with her full time. I seen my dad every other weekend If he wasn't working. He worked seven days a week, most of the time. Um, just what did he do?
Speaker 2:He was a maintenance man for a box company and so fixing machines constantly. When I got to be around middle school, the drinking with my mom, it and the fruits that it bears she would just get so upset and she would get focused on all the negative things that have happened to her or has happened recently or whatever it might be. You know, I've seen suicide. I I seen firsthand, just, you know, being passed out. I would be needing things signed for school and I would just have to wake her up and say, hey, I need this signed for school before tomorrow. So childhood after you know, once I got to the middle school years, it was a lot of fending for my. It was fending for myself, my mom, she still cooked dinner and she still provided and we still had a good time. We went shopping and you know stuff like that. But during the week it wasn't always pleasant and you know I was. I was always ready to leave because I didn't want to just be stuck at home with that.
Speaker 1:So let's see, Were your parents religious at all?
Speaker 2:Well, when I was growing up, when I was a young girl, before they had got divorced, my dad would take us to church and I was raised Baptist. So we would go to church on Sunday and, you know, show up and do the thing, and that was it. So I mean, I was getting to know Jesus and who he was and to know God, and they gave me a Bible and but I just didn't truly understand who he was to me. I knew he was there and you know, they gave you the basic overview of the children's stories and you know that we teach our kids, um, just not the full extent of them. So I started acting out when I was, let's see, when I was about 13, 13 or 14, I started acting out a little bit. Um, I thought I wanted to live with my dad. I didn't like living with my mom. Me and her would disagree on things and it just it escalated into my teen years because I was pretty rebellious.
Speaker 2:When I got to the time of finally driving a car. When I turned 16, I got a car. I was spoiled, I'll admit it, and at that point I just started running all the time. I just hung out with friends. All the time would push the limits on my curfew and I would stay out. And when I was, right before I turned 16, I had lost my virginity and it's you know, it was somebody that I never talked to again. Um, it was a boyfriend and then he it's so crazy, so he was actually a gypsy like, a traveling gypsy, like they're a real gypsy a gypsy.
Speaker 1:You met him in the Raytown high school. Where's where'd you meet a gypsy?
Speaker 2:I met him and I think at the Bannister mall it was probably at like the independent center.
Speaker 2:Okay and so anyways, um, okay and so, anyway, so back back to when I was 16, I I first tried smoking marijuana, um, and so then I obviously became addicted. I was starting to party and stay out way too late, um, you know, in the common theme of lying to your parents because you don't want them to know where you're at, um. So I started on this cycle. I had I had met people that weren't from Raytown, that actually lived in the East side of Kansas city in the hood, and those became my friends and that's who I hung out with, and so I put myself in some pretty sketchy situations by doing that.
Speaker 2:I'm still friends with a lot of those girls, though I mean honestly, I'm still friends with them on Facebook. They're not terrible people, but when we were young we were ornery. I do remember as a teenager, we were hanging out and we were at somebody else's house in the hood and the next thing, you know like, we were under the influence of drugs. And you know, here comes a drive-by. Ever had to hit the ground for a drive-by. That was quite an experience and you know, I think back and look at that and I'm like, wow, god saved me from that, from getting shot by one of those bullets because I definitely was not moving fast and then they were.
Speaker 1:You were in the house or or outside of the house.
Speaker 2:I was outside outside in the yard, and I mean if you, if you're in the hood of Kansas city, the houses are not very far apart, the yards are not very big.
Speaker 2:So I mean you are not far from the road, that front door Like even if I would have been on the porch, it's not far door, like even if I would have been on the porch, it's not far. Like you could walk, like what 20 steps and you'd be in the street. Um, so that happens and that was pretty traumatizing. Like at the time I'm like Whoa what just happened?
Speaker 2:Um, my junior year I had ended, I ended up um with a boyfriend and I had moved him in with us, um, which was a terrible idea. Which was a terrible idea and you know, we had a very rough relationship. It was very abusive on both ends, just manipulative, and it was just awful. And so when we had finally broke up, go to my senior year now, and during this time, because I was so wild and everything, my mom, she's taking me to the psychiatrist and to the therapist and trying to get me psychoanalyzed and see what's wrong with me. And so they're telling me I'm bipolar and I have ADD and ADHD and all these diagnosis and anxiety disorder. And so then, of course, I had a plethora of, you know, pills that I had to take, um, and at one point they had given me Thorazine, which basically makes you like a zombie. Um, it was just an awful time, because it was just like you're awake but you're not there.
Speaker 2:Um anyways, to my senior year of high school. I I had I was addicted to smoking, weed and um. By this, let's see, I hadn't done anything else by then, um, but I was drinking alcohol and partying and you know I just wanted to honestly drop out of school and I hated school. I didn't like going there. And I do remember my senior year.
Speaker 2:It was shortly after school began and I was gonna skip. I was like I'm over this, I'm walking home. I lived a five minute walk from the high school. Like I was so close, so I'm like I'm just gonna walk home. And so I waited for the classes to all get in and I was standing by. So I'm like I'm just going to walk home. And so I waited for the classes to all get in and I was standing by the door getting ready to walk out and one of the principals caught me and they pulled me in the office and so I was standing there and they're like you wait here. And I'm like I'm not waiting F this. And I walked out, started walking home in the rain and, before I knew it, here comes the police officers tackling me down to the ground and I'm getting insubordination, getting told I'm getting sent to the psych board at research and my mom ended up having to basically beg the school board to let me come back, and that was a whole mess.
Speaker 2:I ended up at the alternative school and so I ended up finishing high school, but I had to do a certain program to finish because I had no interest in school. So I went to school for like three or four hours a day and then I would be on my way doing whatever else I wanted. But I did end up walking and I got my diploma by the by the grace of God, because I was not interested. I at that time I just wanted to have fun and be in the moment. My only concern was you know what's my next fun thing I'm going to do? I don't want to miss anything, and so that was my only concern. And you know, I don't want to paint my parents as terrible people. They're good people. I'm trying to give them the gospel a little bit. And you know, my mom and me we didn't talk for several years and we're we're talking again. But we'll get there.
Speaker 2:Um so, I graduate high school and I continue down that same path. I'm, I start college.
Speaker 1:What was your plan? What do you want to do with your life?
Speaker 2:I had no plan. I was just trying to satisfy everybody else, you know, and it wasn't figured out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was undecided. So I started college undecided and did that for a little bit. I remember my mom. She had several boyfriends during the course of that time Well, a few and you know I didn't like any of them, of course, because I wanted my parents back together. And I also want to just say when my parents finally worked through their differences which didn't take that long, it took like four or five years we started all doing holidays together. So I mean, talk about confusion on top of everything, we're hanging out together during the holidays and they're divorced, like there was not separation. So that was. That was also a very, you know, different thing to me growing up. So I thought that was normal and that's how it's supposed to be done, because it was for the greater good of everybody else. Um, so I go through college and I keep doing it and you know I passed some of my classes. I did fail one. Um, at that time I was working at a bar and grill. So I was, you know, I did the bar staff and I stayed up late, so I didn't always get to my studies when I should have.
Speaker 2:And I ended up, I recall, with one of those boyfriends my mom had. He had gotten my face at one point and I had had enough. And so I called my friend who lived in Alexandria, virginia, and I said I'm sick of this, I want out of here. And he wired me money and I got a bus ticket and I was out. I didn't say one word to anybody, I just left. So I was out there and my mom finally got a hold of me. She, you know that was back then, whenever you couldn't track the cell phones or anything like that. We had those. You know, I think we were graduated to the you know flip phones or Nokia's.
Speaker 2:Then, from, you know, partying out in Washington DC, going to New York, just having the time of my life, and I finally came home and the boyfriend was gone. I had got what I wanted. It was a form of manipulation on my end. So, going on from that, I just kept in this cycle of partying and smoking, and you know what am I going to do for my next bit of fun, or who am I going to hang out with? And so then I had met this guy and I ended up getting pregnant with a baby and so definitely not prepared for that, and I had thought I wanted a baby at that time and I was just honestly looking for something to complete me. I just wanted something to make me feel whole, not knowing that truly nothing is going to make me feel whole in this world Like it's it's only from Christ.
Speaker 2:So I had got pregnant with this guy and he ended up leaving me. I, I was four months pregnant, I guess, and he up and left, and so here I am, I'm just trying to work my job, save up money for my kid and, um, it just ended up pretty, you know, it wasn't horrible, but it was pretty lonely. So I, when I got ready to have her, he wanted to show back up and be with me after I had dealt with pregnancy and all by myself, and during my pregnancy he had ran off to another girl in another state and that girl was harassing me during my pregnancy and it was just, it was awful. I didn't truly enjoy that one at all.
Speaker 2:That pregnancy was just awful.
Speaker 2:I was sick every day and I did not have a clue what I had signed up for and I wanted to keep the baby.
Speaker 2:And it was because when I when I was doing all the drugs I was doing when I was in my teens, my late teens I had got pregnant um, a different time, but I was on a lot of drugs and so I ended up having an abortion, which I am not proud of and I regret it. But I at that time I knew I wasn't ready and I knew that baby would probably come out very addicted, messed up, whatever it might be, and that experience of going in there and getting that done is very traumatic. You go in there and they let you listen to the baby and then you're almost awake when they're removing it, and it's just so. It's so sad to to think back now. I just feel I feel terrible for doing it and I regret it. And now I know why they, when they did it, they were like well, you know, you may want to get therapy for this, and I didn't even realize what they meant. I didn't even realize what they meant. And.
Speaker 2:I do now. But yeah, I was pretty much the ornery teenager running drugs and for people they would have me do their drug running and so I did it willingly because I was getting free drugs. I didn't try all of them, obviously. I my. My preferred were were marijuana and cocaine, and that's you know. That was what I like to do. I had tried methamphetamine and I did not like it. I lost a month of my life and that was enough for me to stop. I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling like it had only been a week and it had been a month.
Speaker 1:So were you like staying up all night, like that kind of thing they say with meth, like you're just up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're, you're up, you're, you're picking at things, you're looking for things, you're cleaning your. I mean, it's insanity what you're doing and the stuff that it does to your brain. Now that I'm learning about it. Like it takes a whole year for your brain to heal from it, and so I'm like, yeah, sounds about right. Um, so, let's see, where were we?
Speaker 1:Um, so you're having this baby, the guy comes back.
Speaker 2:So he came back and I I basically told him you know, you're, you're not welcome in my life now, like you ran off when I needed you the most and you're not welcome. And so I ended up I had her and I was. I was super excited that I had her and just I loved her. When I first had I just I still love her and I just I couldn't believe that something so precious could be made in me. So then I had something I felt like I had to live for and so I did. I started, I got a good job and started working full time. I went back to school, so I was doing night school, trying to raise a newborn and working full time, and it was about impossible.
Speaker 2:I was taking the accelerated courses through a metropolitan community. I took some really awesome classes and I appreciated it, but I realized really quick that you know it's not going to work trying to get your rest with a newborn, that you know they don't sleep all night and then try to work all day, and I was a bill collector so I'm demanding money all day long. And then I go to school and you know, thankfully, my mom, she was helping to take care of Malia and that's my daughter's name, my oldest, it's Malia and she would, she would go pick her up from daycare and help me take care of her Um, and I and I will say I'm not, I won't leave this out when I had her, I was still smoking. While I was pregnant, I was still smoking weed Um. So when she was born, she was born with it in her system, um, and so obviously we had I had the visit from DFS. Come in that they get the automatic hotline and which is division of family services or CPS or whatever it is for whoever state Um, and they come in and make sure you have everything you need for your kid and you know, basically you get a slap on the hand for your first time and then they're on their way.
Speaker 2:Um, so I, I was working this job, I had Malia, I had stopped going to night school after realizing I, I just couldn't hack it, I couldn't do it all, and so I kept working and just trying to do better at that job and I was making pretty good money at that time. Um, so I was able to provide for me and her. I didn't get child support, I didn't have any help. You know, my parents would help me when they could, but it was, it was. It wasn't too bad. I, I made it. So, june 6th of 2008, my mom, she had got intoxicated and she was just having a depression type of episode. She was upset with her life, and I mean times before that. I've witnessed my mom, you know, starting the car with the garage door shut, trying to gas it up, you know, and even in my, because of seeing the suicide attempts, you know, in high school I had tried to take a bunch of pills, tried to end it all, because I just did not see the point. I, I didn't see any good in life.
Speaker 2:Um so she had drank a bunch on that day and she thought that me and Malia had left because we were headed out and I hadn't left yet Cause my I was going to a friend's birthday party and so I hadn't left and she had went downstairs. Our laundry was in the basement, so she had went down there. I thought maybe she's doing the laundry and the next thing I know I I hear a woof and I'm like, oh my Lord, what happened now? What is this woman doing? So I rushed downstairs and the floor is on fire. My mom is on fire. Oh no.
Speaker 2:And so I rushed her out of there and out of the fire and get her upstairs and I'm trying to call 911. And at the same time I'm I'm breaking the basement window open just so I can try to put the fire out with the water hose, ended up being able to get most of it out, but when the fire department and the ambulance came, my mom ended up with third degree burns. She ended up in KU med um for weeks. The house, the fire marshal, you know, said that the house is not livable. So at that time I had to gather some things and go find somewhere to stay because I couldn't stay in the home that I was staying in with my daughter. So we ended up couch surfing for a little bit.
Speaker 2:I did not want to go stay with my dad because my dad is a different person. He was military. My dad was a Marine. He served in Vietnam. Sometimes it's a little intense if he gets angry, so I tried to avoid that and he he smoked cigarettes in the house and I'm like I didn't really want my kid around that too much in the house, you know, um. So I avoided that and while I was couch surfing and bouncing you know, bouncing from house to house with friends.
Speaker 2:I ended up having a mental breakdown because of it, just because it was so much like I'm thinking I have a baby to think about. It's not just me. What am I going to do? I have nowhere to go. I don't have money saved up to go get an apartment at the moment. You know it's all those things and the baby's crying and you're just. It was just too much. It was just too much. Um, so I had. I was talking to one of my I thought best friends and just telling her what's going on and how I feel, and she ends up telling another we, it was a trio of us of best friends and she had called the other one and told her you know what was going on and that I was, I was having a breakdown and instead of her, that friend, trying to reach out and see if she could help, she just hotline me.
Speaker 2:She called DFS on me and so here we go again and I because I didn't have a formal residence at the time they had to track me down. And they ended up tracking me down and they were searching my car for drugs. Um, and then they the investigator ended up telling me you know, you need to have a drug test by Friday, or I'm going to take your kid. And I'm like, okay, I have till Friday. So in my mind I'm thinking, all right, I'll just go, I'll go get some Q-carbo or something to clean up my system real fast and then I'll go do it. Little did I know that happened on like a Monday or Tuesday, and by Wednesday, okay, and the investigator went and got my kid from daycare and took her. So when I showed up to get my kid from daycare that day after work, all I had to take home with me was a yellow piece of paper telling me they took my kid. And so I ended up having to do the drug program. The family drug court in Jackson County, Missouri, and I went through that. They had withheld my, my daughter, from me for two weeks. I felt pretty low, pretty low, and I just felt like there was no escape, there was no way out. So I ended up having to move in with my dad, and that was hard. We get along pretty good, um, but, like I said, whenever his temper rises it's not pleasant, um. So I ended up moving in with my dad and had to, you know, deal with everything because I had to have a home base and I couldn't move back home.
Speaker 2:My mom, she was in the hospital for a while and she, when she did finally get to go back to her house, she just she had a lot of care that she had to have, you know, and my aunt had to go help her with bandages and stuff because, I mean, it burned her feet. They had to have, you know, and my aunt had to go help her with bandages and stuff because, I mean, it burned her feet. They had to do skin grafts and everything. And I remember visiting her in the hospital and I was angry. I was just angry Like why? Why are you trying to kill yourself? What's the point? I didn't understand it.
Speaker 1:So she was drunk and it wasn't an accident. She tried to light herself on fire.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she had went down there and we had a kerosene heater. If you remember, when we had that bad ice storm in Kansas City, we had kerosene heaters still from that and she still had kerosene and that's what she lit on fire and she was just mercy and that's what she lit on fire and she was just mercy.
Speaker 2:So so, yeah, and I I guess I left a big thing out, and I guess it's because I suppress it a lot. But during my teen years, um, when I was partying and stuff, there was a certain incident that happened and it was around guys that I hung around Like my group of friends. You know, I had one girlfriend and we hung out with these guys. They were, you know, guys, that they all grew up together and they knew my friend and you know. So I just hung out with them too. And I remember one instance where I had taken ecstasy that day or that night and I ended up getting raped by all of them and you know, and in the moment I just remember being frozen, just paralyzed, like what is happening, and not being able to fight back, because I don't think it was just ecstasy, I think it was something else, because I could not move.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:But I didn't want to leave that out because that obviously had an effect into my adult life. Back to it. So I'm in the drug court program, I'm living with my dad and you know, I think it's a great idea to start a relationship to find a man, because I think that's going to solve all my problems if I just find a man and get out of there. And so I found Brandon. I ended up I was on dating websites and so was he, and I seen him. We were not a match I just want to put that out there. Like we were not a match at all.
Speaker 2:And I'm just kind of a smart aleck and I say things, and so I can't remember what his catch was, but it was like country boy looking for a you know country girl and I'm like, well, how about a city girl, you know? And just ended up getting his attention just just because I'm feisty. Um, and so we ended up talking and we started dating while I'm going through this, and he didn't know any of that was happening. And so he would drive down and he lived about an hour and 15 minutes away. I was living by the stadiums in Kansas City and he would drive from.
Speaker 1:He's in St Joe, isn't he?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's, he was in Savannah, that's North of St Joe, so he would. He would drive down and see me and then I would drive up and see him. Um, and within two weeks we moved in together.
Speaker 2:We thought it was a great idea, you just like I really like you yeah, I mean, I thought he was just so cute and I was like, oh, I guess I'll date a country boy and I had never, honestly, I didn't date white guys, like I dated hispanic and I dated Italian, I did not date white guys. And so when I met him, I'm like, well, you kind of look Hispanic, so I guess it's okay. But then when he talks, I'm like, yeah, but you're definitely not. But I was like, you know, I gotta, I gotta do something different.
Speaker 2:And so I did, and I moved to Savannah, so I moved out of Kansas City, and obviously that caused a lot of conflict with DFS and dealing with all that. By this time, though, I wasn't dealing with home visits, but whenever I was in drug court, I had to call a number every day and listen for my color to get called, and if my color got called, I had to go drop a UA. And I tell you what, if you, you all modesty goes out the window when you have to do a UA, because for that kind of system anyway, they they make you, you know you have to do it in front of them.
Speaker 2:There are no doors, you don't get to have a private moment, Like they make you you know you have to do it in front of them. There are no doors. You don't get to have a private moment Like they will stare at you and wait for you to pee and watch and make sure that you're not slipping your finger in the cup to, you know, alter the urinalysis. It's a whole deal. Like they were testing for everything, even alcohol. So I was clean, I wasn't doing anything, but it was just, you know, one of those things that's traumatizing, like calling for your color, like humiliating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is humiliating, and then you know having to deal with the commissioner it's. It's humiliating, and you're in there with people in the court when you go to your court case time. You're in there with people who are on PCP and much harsher things than marijuana, and it's funny because now it's legal in Missouri, but it wasn't then. So yeah, so then after.
Speaker 1:You and Brandon get along right away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we get along right away. I mean, we, we definitely didn't spend any time. We didn't waste any time, you know, getting getting cozy. So he was basically a dad overnight with Malia. Um, malia's dad was not in the picture, um at all. He, honestly, the first year of her life, I think, was the only times he's seen her, and that was maybe two or three times. He, he does have other kids and he just didn't really care to to acknowledge her.
Speaker 2:So so, brandon and I, we start out and we get this little apartment in Savannah and you know, things are okay for a very short time and we start fighting and our fights were pretty. They started on a lower level and then they just escalated and within, let's see, he got me pregnant by the 1st of November. So we had got together towards the end of September and he had me pregnant before Thanksgiving, like I was. When we went to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. My dad, he must have knew, because he was like talking about well, unless you're pregnant, and I'm like pregnant, I can't be pregnant. So then, you know, when we got home I took tests and I sure enough was, and so that's kind of the only way we figured it out without missing a period. My my dad called it out and we had no idea. So I had got pregnant, my you know third pregnancy, but second that was going to end up a live birth.
Speaker 2:So I'm pregnant and he is staying around, which is not normal for me and you know, during our relationship he's still in the single mentality, the single mindset. So he wants to go do stuff, and I know nobody where we, where we ended up living. I had no friends. I was isolated pretty much. All I had was him and whoever his friends were, and so that was pretty tough going from having some friends to none. And so he would want to go out riding four wheelers with the guys, and then I would always want to go because I didn't want to get left out and I liked having fun too. And you know there were times whenever he would try to leave and I remember one time I punched him in his nose and busted his nose open. He went and filed a police report against me. He did.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, he did. I ended up finding that out later on, whenever we were about to get divorced, because I went and pulled all the records. And then another time I rode the side of his door when he was backing up, like I jumped on the side of his truck door while he's trying to leave. Just crazy stuff. I mean I stabbed a knife in the wall right by his head. Just crazy stuff. I mean I stabbed a knife in the wall right by his head and it's it's kind of ironic because I had a. I had a guy that I had dated and he threw a knife right by my head at one point because he got mad at me. So just you know.
Speaker 1:So your fights were were like World War Threes then. So your fights were like World War III's then.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was toxic, Like it was super toxic. You know, we were just horrible to each other and Brandon, the way he was raised. Now I know how he was raised and he was raised in opposite world. So you know, he would, for instance, you know, if I tried on something nice and I thought I looked really good, he'd be like, eh, you know, it was opposite world, it wasn't the truth, and so we would fight a lot over that Cause I I was like this is abusive, like you know, and then he would just he would just say it how it is, which is kind of what drew me to him. I kind of liked the point blank nature of him, but I didn't know what he grew up seeing either, and so the toxicity that we did was just a mirror image of what he witnessed growing up. I mean, not to the certain details, but I mean overall, just the toxic. You know the toxic stuff.
Speaker 2:So we, while I'm pregnant, you know, we made it through the pregnancy. We stayed together, made it through the pregnancy, like I mean, we made it through a car accident. Um, I had, we had gotten a car accident when I was pregnant. Um, I guess I was four months pregnant and we got in a car accident, totaled the truck like it was icy roads and we, you know, totaled the truck and I blacked out my head, hit the radio on the dash and I blacked out and I mean, thankfully, like Malia, she was not even a scratch, not even a bruise. We made it through that, even a bruise. We made it through that, made it through his family taking me to one of those wellness centers that the Adventists have.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I remember whenever I met Brandon, you know, he told me he was like you know, one thing that I expect is that we're going to go to church, you have to go to church, and so that was kind of opening the door back up for me to just start going back to church. And I'm like, yeah, whatever I can do that you know no problem. And so we made it through to when Shiloh was born. Through to when Shiloh was born that's our second daughter and you know we were still fighting and he had bought a race car while I was pregnant with her um, and decided he was going to go dirt track racing while I was pregnant. And if anybody knows anything about racing, it is not cheap, it's very expensive hobby. So, um, I remember when I first had her, like the, within the first week he was at the races, like right after um, just it was just awful. I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2:So here I am again, alone, again with a baby and a toddler now because Malia was two and I had a brand new newborn. So I'm sitting here with a toddler and a newborn and I could barely handle it with just one. Like going to the grocery store was stressful to me with just one, because you know they're trying to grab everything. Because you know they're trying to grab everything. And, honestly, being raised as pretty much the only kid and not having my sibling there because she got married at 18 and moved out, it was not something that was natural to me. To have kids around, I didn't know how to interact very well with them because I didn't have any siblings that were younger than me. My sister is nine years older than me, just to put it into perspective. So we both got raised by two different sets of parents. So through the turmoil of our relationship, you know we would break up, get back together, like for some reason we couldn't leave each other alone and you know we got our own places and we would call the cops on each other and just terrible pattern that we got stuck and we got stuck in that cycle and finally we had finally broken up, we had thought by. So we had met in 2008 and that's the same year I got pregnant with Shiloh and I had Shiloh in 2009.
Speaker 2:And I remember I had really bad postpartum depression with Shiloh. It was really really bad, um, and it was bad to the point that I went and got help. Brandon, of course, was inching me on that way, like, hey, you need to go get help. And I'm like, ok, and he's telling me I'll still be here for you and everything else. Well, while I was in there getting help, and they ended up transferring me to Kansas City.
Speaker 2:So I was in Kansas City at a psych you know psych center and I'm getting help, and then I'm, you know, getting calls from my family and they're like um, where's your kids? What's going on? We haven't heard from Brandon, you know. And so I end up getting out of there and get up to Savannah because you know that's where our place was and I find him with his parents at the courthouse filing an ex parte against me for the kids, so that I couldn't see.
Speaker 2:You know, shiloh, they couldn't do anything with Malia because she was legally mine, I was the only guardian of her, so they were trying to file that for Shiloh. And so I'm like, okay, so I filed one too. So they both got denied. They ended up hiding Shiloh from me for weeks. And, you know, during that time they're like, oh, you know, people get hurt, not like really bad, but you know, like hit in the head and stuff like that and just terrible, and so they ended up letting me go that night and Brandon and I, we had to go to court and do custody battle with Shiloh. We had to go to parenting classes the whole nine yards.
Speaker 1:You guys aren't married at this point, are you?
Speaker 2:No, no, we're not married at that point. And so we go through all that and end up with 50-50 and split the time and it's, you know, it's fine. And so we go through that and we both try to move on because we're broke up. Um, he had moved his stuff out of our apartment that we shared and got his own apartment. I ended up getting a different apartment and moved out of that one myself and you know, during the time he was moving out of it, like I was being, I was pretty much possessed, like seriously, like I blew smoke in his mom's face.
Speaker 2:I was smoking a cigarette and I blew it in her face. I was out of character, just hateful. I was just totally hateful to his mom and you know, honestly, his mom is such a sweetheart and I feel terrible for doing it. Um, but it was just a bystander of the, the war zone. Um, so we we keep living our separate lives, we start doing our own thing, start dating people and but we just can't leave each other alone. I, I don't want him with anybody else. So any measure I have to take to make sure he's not with anybody else, I took it and I mean it's straight up demonic. So he would try to date a girl and I would find out who, and so then I would find her on Facebook and I'd message her and I would be like tell her a bunch of lies, like, oh, you better don't sleep with them. Don't sleep with them, you might catch something like this Dumb Like why, why, like just dumb Like why. I'm like there's nothing there, but you know, just trying to find something.
Speaker 1:Because you just you needed, you needed to be loved.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You needed him.
Speaker 2:So finally, we, you know, keep doing our off and on thing. And then finally, we got in a huge fight. Cops got called. You know, that was our norm and that was that was it. So then I, finally, I moved back to Kansas City. I was like, all right, fine, well, we can still do this 50, 50. I'm going back to Kansas city. I can't live here anymore. And so that was in 2011.
Speaker 2:I went back to Kansas city and I moved back in with my mom and we're still having to see each other for visits with the kids, and so, finally, one of the times when I'm finally like, okay, I want him back. So we had to go meet halfway at a park, and so, of course, you know what, what did? What do us women do we? We get ourselves all dolled up and get looking cute, and then we show up. And so I show up and he's like oh, he tells me, he tells me this. He's like I just couldn't resist, like you had to show up all cute and hot and got me bothered, you know. And so then he's ready to work things out again. So then here we go, start working stuff out again and we start changing things that we do.
Speaker 2:We did a like a. We started going vegetarian, like we just started doing different things, you know, to try to change our mindset and how we do our lives. And so I ended up moving back up there and by this time he you know, he had bought a house earlier in that year, Um, and so moved back up there and we ended up getting married. So I think I moved back around November of 2011 and the end of December we got married. We decided we're just going to get married. Of December, we got married. We decided we're just going to get married. We just can't get away from each other For some reason we just can't get away.
Speaker 1:So this is 2011.
Speaker 2:Yep, december 21st of 2011.
Speaker 2:We got married. No, we went through our honeymoon phase and things were okay for a little bit and we would just go back into the crazy cycle. But I was just going to fast forward to 2014. We, we had our last call to the cops up there and we I got mad at him for something, and I can't remember what like I. I was provoking him big time and I got my. We got hands on each other and this time he busted my nose open because I was on top of him and I don't even remember what was happening. But we were in a fight in the middle of the night and I was under the assumption that we have to work this out now, before the sun goes down, which was terrible. And so cops got called.
Speaker 2:Brandon, spent the night in jail. I ended up with, you know, busted nose. My eyes were black from the hit, and so it was a Friday night when that happened, and so, you know, a Friday night when that happened. And so you know what I did. I showed up to church the next day just to show them what he was like, because I wanted them to know how he was behind closed doors, and so I sure I sure did show up and, um, his parents had the kids that night and so I had got my kids and went home and then by this time he had got out of jail and was home.
Speaker 2:We didn't talk to each other, um, but we ended up taking a like a getaway so many months out, like it was like a month after that maybe. We ended up going to like Arkansas and just doing a road trip, cause we were like, okay, we obviously need to reconnect, do something, something different. So we went on this road trip and we decided where we're going to move, because after that last altercation with the cops, they pulled both of us in the sheriff's office. The sheriff did and he told us, sat us down and he said if either of you call again, you both are going to sit in jail together. And so that at that point we were like, okay, it's time to move. Like it was.
Speaker 1:It was like sheriffs that don't know us very well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's exactly. That was exactly our thoughts, because, you know, and we lived in a small town of like 5 000 people and so everybody knew our business before we knew our business and all the cops knew our business too, but for real knew our business, and so we decided to move. You know, originally we wanted to move to, like, chattanooga, but I didn't want to move away from my family like that far, and so we ended up settling on Springfield, missouri, and so we moved to Springfield.
Speaker 1:Is that where his folks live? Is that where his folks live Like, or did they move down there after you guys moved down there?
Speaker 2:So when we decided to list our house, they were like, well, if you're moving, we're moving. And actually his dad was down here before we got down here. So during the time of us deciding to move, I got pregnant again, and so there was. So I had one in 2009 and then I got pregnant in 2014. And during that time I had um, I had a Mirena, the IUD and it ended up my body rejected it and for a long time I was. I was totally messed up, like I had to take um, like hormone pills and all kinds of stuff. It was awful, and so we thought that I couldn't get pregnant because I was. I was messed up for some awful, and so we thought that I couldn't get pregnant because I was. I was messed up for some years, and so we ended up getting pregnant again right right before we moved, and so when we moved down here, we had another baby in 2015. Um, we had Tallulah, and that was probably the biggest.
Speaker 1:So at this point, are you guys going to church, since he said we're going to church?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we would. We would show up, you know, put on a show smile, listen to the sermon and go home. And you know the way Brandon was raised was. You know we would fight until we got to the parking lot, Like most, most Saturdays. We would fight the whole way to church. But as soon as we got in the parking lot, I better put a smile on my face like nothing happened, because that's how he was raised. And so me, I'm like uh-uh, I wear, I'm'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, Like they're going to see exactly how I feel. And I was not pleasant. I always looked mad, I always looked angry, Like looking back at pictures. Now my eyes are even different.
Speaker 1:What did you think about God?
Speaker 2:Um what did you think about God? No-transcript it was, it was. It was like God was non-existent to me, like overall, because I just didn't believe. I'm like whatever, like I'm just I'm over it, like I need to see some some real meat here, like this isn't doing it for me and you know we would go to the seminars and stuff like that and then you get on fire for a little bit and it's, it wears off, it's, it's that high you get Um.
Speaker 2:But anyways, going back, so we had, we had Tallulah in 2015 and things were good with her. Um, that was probably one of the easiest pregnancies I ever had and just joyful, and so I ended up being a stay at home mom whenever we moved down here and I stayed home with Tallulah for the first few years. Um, during that time, you know we would fight constantly and the kids would see it and I know that that traumatized them so much, just seeing us fight and yell and scream and call each other names and you know just the degrading terms. Anything that we could come up with, some kind of term of endearment that was not dear, anything that we could come up with some kind of term of endearment that was not dear, and it finally got to a point in 2018. We, that year, like, we went on vacation to Michigan, went on a family vacation I have family up there and, um, we went up there and we fought up there, even like to the point where I'm getting out of the car and I'm walking like I don't care, I don't, I don't care, I was just getting out, I was done, um, so, I mean, that was kind of our norm, though we fought all the time.
Speaker 2:So, in 2018, um, brandon and I were. We were not good. It was probably around October, we weren't getting along. And he was like, well, we need to go see a counselor, um, and have marriage therapy. And I'm like, okay, whatever. So so we go have marriage therapy and um, and it went good. And then we're on the way home.
Speaker 2:And then he wants to tell me, as we're getting on the highway by the way, I cleaned out our bank account and I started my own and, to remind you, I was a stay-at-home mom, I didn't have an income. So I'm like, what, why are you doing that? What, why, why are you? Why are you doing that? And so we're getting on the highway and, my insanity, I jump on top of him. We are going down the highway, I'm jumping on top of him, I'm trying to get his debit card. He finally pulls over. I chase him up a bank and then, as soon as I don't see him anymore, I'm like what am I chasing him for? So I jumped back in the car, left him there and went and picked up our kids, grabbed some stuff from my house and hightailed it back to Kansas city. I go.
Speaker 1:And so where did you? What part of the country was he in?
Speaker 2:He was in. Where was he? He was by the close to the hospital down here off the highway Springfield.
Speaker 1:So, and this is all because he opened up why did? Why did he open up his own bank account or move money?
Speaker 2:Because he thought that I was spending money in ways he didn't know about or he didn't know where all his money was going. And I'm like, I don't go anywhere, I go buy what we need. And so he thought he needed to do that. And I didn't understand it, because I'm like, well, if I would have, you know, I'm sitting there thinking if I would have known that I would have, we would have never merged accounts, um, so I got my kids and we went to Kansas city and go back to living with my mom and I do not let him see the kids for like a month. I'm like get, get an attorney, fight me. You want to see your kids, get it in writing.
Speaker 2:And so he didn't get to see the kids for a month and, you know, in a way I felt like it was justified, since his family helped, withheld Shiloh for me for about the same amount of time. And I, you know, it was like it's not my job to serve that justice, that justice. But I, you know, in that moment I thought that it was Um. And so, before I know it, a special process server shows up at my mom's door with divorce papers and I just cried. I cried so hard because that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to divorce my husband. I did love him in a weird, sick, twisted way at that time. Um, weird, twisted way.
Speaker 3:So it sounds like you guys just needed each other and we're just living at each other's in a weird twisted way so.
Speaker 1:Sounds like you guys just needed each other and we're just living at each other's expense for every single thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So during that time I'm in Kansas city. You know, I I start working, obviously I have to, you know, hiring an attorney and stuff so that I can fight. But I had to hire an attorney that's three and a half hours away because it had to be in the town that we were living in. And so I ended up searching and trying to find the best attorney I could find. And you know, I looked up all their stats and I found the number one divorced attorney in the area. And you know, I looked up all their stats and I found the number one divorced attorney in the area. So I hired him and the attorney Brandon had hired was known as like a shark in court, you know, just mean.
Speaker 2:And so we go to the first court date and you know, after he had set up the paperwork and stuff, he had ended up getting visitations with the kids. But my parents would have to be like the middleman and his parents, I think, or something like I can't remember exactly, I think I wasn't there, obviously I couldn't be there. He had filed an ex parte against me again, against me again. So I had the restraining order. So my parents would have to go give him the kids for his weekend and then he would, you know, bring them back. And my parents would have to go get the kids and bring them back, and so he would have to drive up to Kansas City and get them and then drive back. So that went on.
Speaker 2:And then we make it to our first port date and by this time we start, you know, we're starting to talk. I'm not supposed to talk to him, and he kept trying to talk to me. So he would call and talk to the kids and he'd be like let me talk to your mom. And they're like she says she can't talk to you. And I'm like I really can't, if I talk to you I'm going to go to jail, like I'm not trying to go to jail.
Speaker 2:So he finally, you know, it gets to a point where I'm like, okay, I don't know why he wants to talk to me. So bad, I kind of curious. So I'm like, you know, I'll just send an email, because can they really prove it was me sending the email? Like that's my thinking. Then it's, it's crazy. And so I send him an email and he ends up responding and trying, you know, and he's asking me why won't you talk to me and I'm like I can't talk to you filed a restraining order against me it's's in the divorce papers and he had no idea that he had done that. He he claims that his attorney done that. And so I'm like, well, okay, well it's there, so you're going to have to figure that out, cause I can't talk to you.
Speaker 2:And so he gets that dropped and we start talking and we're both very cautious when we're talking to each other. Neither of us are willing to give much because we're just living in fear. You know, we're just fearful. And let me back up. So before the first court date I went to, I had all the girls with me on Christmas and we went to my families and hung out with my family and you know, I I remember sitting there and I'm looking around and my family, they're all with their significant others and I'm it's just hitting me and I'm like I gotta go. So me and the girls ended up going home and I had to go to the bedroom and I just started crying and crying and I mean ugly crying, like so much to the point that that was what it needed for me to call out to God, because I did not like the situation I created.
Speaker 2:And so I remember, and I mean, I cried for a long time and I, finally, I was just crying out to God and I'm like Lord, if you know, fix this I. I want my marriage, I want my husband, I want my kids to have a full and complete family, and I'm just praying so hard. And you know, I had. I had a little peace the next day, thankfully, but but that's what it took for me to cry out to God. And so our first court date, brandon had called the pastor and told him he just wanted some support at our first court date. And so, and Is this? Pastor Rod, you know, told him he just wanted some support at our first court date, and so and or is this?
Speaker 2:Pastor Rod. No, no, it was a different pastor that we don't.
Speaker 2:We, we don't go to that church anymore. But I think it might've been actually the second court date. So he had asked people to show up and support and of course Brandon's parents are there, and I'm by myself because I had a drive down from Kansas City and so the pastor has like a lot of the congregation show up. So in the room, you know, like the waiting area, there are so many church members and I just I felt like oh my gosh, because by this time we had decided to reconcile, we had decided that we could work through our differences somehow, like we were going to do whatever it took to restore our marriage. And so he had done that and my attorney's like this does not look like a reconciliation, this looks like a circus.
Speaker 2:So we end up going in into the courtroom and you know, in front of the judge and my attorney was on board with the reconciliation, um, brandon's attorney was not and he was very upfront with the judge and told her I am, I'm not for this because I'm losing money, like it was. It was really sad, but my attorney was like no, I think this is great and I think that these kids deserve both their parents in the same home together and live there on a trial basis to see if we could work things out, and so that, of course, lasted like a month and a half, like seriously. So I lived apart for a month and a half and then we moved back in together. During that time we started, we went to a marriage conference and our eyes were opened like never before. We were starting to hear parts of the gospel at that marriage conference. Like now we look back and we're like, wow, like now we, now we see it. And so we were able to learn things there and apply them in our life.
Speaker 1:What would you say is the biggest thing that you learned at that marriage conference?
Speaker 2:Hmm, you know, it was honestly, they do something at the end. That was huge and they make you recite your vows to each other at the end. And when we did that, that was, that was so big because it was just like remembering why you, why you, married that person and what it means. And what it means. And I think, you know, our biggest takeaway from that was that we have to be tenderhearted towards each other. We have to forgive each other, which we didn't. We hardly ever did, things you know didn't change. We held a lot of resentment and bitterness towards each other and it was, it was going to. That made us realize okay, we're, we're doing it wrong. And so from that point we were like we're going to start doing this every year. This is maintenance for our marriage. And things were getting better. Like, honestly, we were in the Bible because it was Christian. The marriage conference we went to it was Christian and you know, so they have workbooks and studies and just realizing he's not, he's not my enemy, that was probably the biggest takeaway was realizing he's, he's my teammate, he's not my enemy, he's my helpmate, like what a helpmate is. And you know, they point out the deception even down to, you know Adam and Eve and how that messed everything up, and so so we made it through that and then fast forward to around 2020.
Speaker 2:So then, you know, two years out of almost being divorced, here comes my sister-in-law, jadra, and you know I was on a trip in Florida whenever she was spreading the gospel to Brandon, when she was telling her testimony of when she talked to you and you know he, he was changing. And so I come back from Florida and he's trying to tell me and I'm like, yeah, whatever, you know whatever. And so I guess I never really understood the legalism too much, other than when I married into it. I wasn't raised in that, so I didn't understand it. So for him it's freeing in that aspect, but for me the freedom is more in just my feelings. Like they're not Lord, they're not, it's not relevant. Like they're not Lord, they're not, it's not relevant.
Speaker 2:So he had found out about the good news and during this time he's telling me okay, you know I'm, this is what's. You know we're going to, I'm going to do better, and you know, and he's like this is what what the love of Jesus is. And you know, giving me's like this is what what the love of Jesus is, and you know, giving me the little bits of gospel. And I'm like, okay, we'll see. So then I test this man. Okay, I tested him so hard. I was like, okay, we'll see, we'll see how much grace you have to give me.
Speaker 2:And so I had some friends and we, you know, we would drink together and he just kept smiling through it all and, you know, finally it got to the point and I'm I'm hearing stuff, you know, because Jadra and Brandon there, you know I'm hearing it, and so I'm just catching little little bits and pieces here and there.
Speaker 2:And then finally, by the first part of that next year, in 21, we were setting it was, it was just family time.
Speaker 2:So we had Jadra and Yaskali and the boys and our kids there over and I think his parents were here and we were watching a sermon and it was a sermon over Romans and the thing that got me was he had said he was, he was talking about lies and you know how, like an example of how they work. And he goes you know, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go? You're so ugly, you're fat, you're worthless. And the pastor said, no, you don't do that. You don't talk in third person, only Satan talks in third person. And that hit me so hard Like I started crying because I knew exactly. By that time I'm like, oh, I get it now. I've been believing a lot of lies so I just I broke down and cried and I I knew that that was it. Like I got to hear that pastor speak on Romans and I got to know my worth and who I am and that I'm not bound by those lies anymore.
Speaker 1:What were the main lies that were in there?
Speaker 2:Worthless fat ugly, no good. Just about every negative thing.
Speaker 1:you could think it was probably going through my mind it was probably going through my mind Just a lot of negativity. Okay, we are going to take a quick break right now and I'm bringing on my sister-slash-friend, Eliana. Eliana, how long has it been since you heard that good, good news, the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ?
Speaker 4:You know, it has been about six, seven months since I've heard and received it and it has changed my life.
Speaker 1:Six or seven months? Wow, okay, this is hot off the press. How has it changed your life?
Speaker 4:I've just been able to experience and actually receive God's goodness, this goodness that I always knew was there, but I didn't know how to receive it, and so I've experienced freedom from loneliness, from lust, and just this abundance in Christ that I cannot stop talking about.
Speaker 1:Mercy. Why is this message getting out there, so important to you?
Speaker 4:I believe that this message is the key like to know God is eternity and this is how God has what, everything that God has done and his heart towards us, and that is absolutely a hundred percent, what changes lives and that's what we were created and made for, so I want everybody to know about it.
Speaker 1:Let's go. If you want to partner with us at Love Reality to get this message out that you are free from and dead to sin, you can go to loverealityorg slash give and you can partner with us. And now you hear me talking about this. Guys, literally we cannot do this thing without you. Um, every dollar you gives goes towards this podcast going out, the bible studies, uh, internet, church everything goes towards the gospel getting out. And so partner with us. Love realityorg slash give and let's tell the world. Right, eliana, good to see you. Thanks for coming on today.
Speaker 4:Good to see you too, Rich. Thanks for what you do.
Speaker 1:All right, let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 2:So after that, we start learning more about the gospel and start living it out more, and we, you know, we get to go on family vacation and you know beautiful things and we're getting along and we're learning how to talk to each other and communicate. And so by 2021, we were having a pretty good year and you know, our oldest, she was starting to give us trouble. She was in her teen years, just starting her teen years and just starting to just want to fight and tell lies, and I mean just awful. And so I mean there were numerous occasions where we were in the principal's office with her, like it wasn't just her called, it was us called too. So we were all sitting in there together, um, but we were having issues with her.
Speaker 2:And so, september of 21, um, I was working from home by this time, I was working for the IRS and I had sent the kids to school. And you know, the weekend prior, brandon and I we had a huge fight, like a huge fight, and I had. I was oppressed. I was being oppressed by Satan. Bad, and I mean it was just crazy. I I burned our old divorce papers that he still had. I, you know, just I was. I was mad at him because I wanted him to build me a kitchen table. I mean, it was, it was demonic oppression. And so I was going to take an ax to the old table we had, because I was going to make sure he had a reason to build me a table and our oldest decided to call the cops on us while we're trying to.
Speaker 2:You know, by this time we were talking civilly, we weren't yelling, we were just standing like over six feet away from each other talking in the front yard. And she calls the cops on us and tells them a bunch of lies. Um, and so the cops show up and tells them a bunch of lies. And so the cops show up and we're both puzzled like why are there cops here? Like what's going on? And so they're like well, we're not leaving here unless we take one of you. And we're like or one of you leaves. And we're like what do you mean? We're fine, like nothing, nothing's happening. And so Brandon's like it's fine, I'll leave. And so Brandon leaves for the night and then comes back the next day and things are fine.
Speaker 2:And the next thing we know, here comes DFS showing up. We get an investigator showing up. Now they show up and they ask the kids questions. And you know our oldest, she's telling more lies. And little did we know my mom was telling Malia that you know, if you came to live with me, I'll give you your own room and your own phone and all these things. And it's, malia has her own room. You know, she had a phone, so it was just kind of kind of crazy. Um, so, anyway.
Speaker 2:So DFS shows up, they start an investigation on us, um, saying that I guess Malia told them that we beat her. And you know that's what they're going off of. And so they ask us you know, have you, have you ever hit your kid with a belt? And I'm we're like, well, in the past, when we were first, you know, yeah, it's been a long time because we didn't know any better. And and so then they take that, and so the next. So then, after they get done with all that, they end up telling Brandon that he has to leave again, and and this time they said, well, we're going to do an investigation. So about 10 days you need to be gone. And he's like, what, where am I going to go for 10 days, you know? And so he ends up going to a friend's house.
Speaker 2:Um, at that time, and you know, I'm I'm having a breakdown like oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do? I'm by myself, like oh my gosh, I didn't want all this to happen. This just spiraled really fast and and I'm just instantly like mad and at Brandon for no reason, and it's just Satan speaking through me to him. And so I end up listening to another sermon and I hear it, you know, but prior to me listening to that, like I, I had the thought that I was just going to hang myself, like I was just gonna, you know, hang myself and honestly, I didn't know how to tie a noose. But guess what I did? Because of Satan oppressing me, I tied a noose, um, and I had went back in the house and I don't remember exactly why, and I'd sat down on the couch and I could not get back up. And that was that was definitely God protecting me from doing that to myself. So during that time, I'm reading through James and learning about conflict and trials.
Speaker 2:Like, after I had finally come out of the oppression, I went to my husband and after that we were good, we were back solid and back on the same page, and DFS went to the kids' school and took all three of our kids, and so they ended up sending my kids to my sister in Kansas City when we had family down here in Springfield, which made no sense to me and my sister we only seen during the holidays, and it would be like one holiday a year.
Speaker 2:So they did not know my sister really, and so they were sent to live with my sister. And during that time of living with my sister, she, you know she, she did the best she could but she, you know she, put them in a bedroom and come to find out it's the bedroom that the animals would go to the bathroom in and it was not in the best living conditions. You know lots of animals in the house. And then I guess you know my nieces my niece would blame the dirtiness or the filth of the room on them and it was just a bad time. And you know Malia, she's just dead set against us and you know she's perfectly content with the life she's created at this time.
Speaker 1:And so we go for almost a month without hearing from our kids. I think I was down there and we were hanging out at that time. Yeah, I think we went to Michaela and Nate's and you guys were telling us about it, but you guys seemed like you were at peace with it. Yeah, and I'm like this is going on right now and you were like yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I was like what? Yeah, like I tell you what, like that freedom is real because we had so much peace through it. When that trial finally came to us like we had peace that surpasses all understanding, like I can't even explain it we were able to still have joy and we were still able to laugh and still live life, even though everything was falling apart. So we didn't even get to talk to our kids for like a month and we end up finally getting a phone call and you know, think that was great and the case is just not moving good. And the caseworker we got, hey, like just was awful. She ended up getting fired Like she was absolutely awful.
Speaker 2:So, while while our kids were in the system, um, our younger two ended up getting to go live with grandma and grandpa. Um, malia, she got um bounced around, which is our oldest from group homes and foster placements, and she ended up living with my mom and I knew that that was like the wrong thing. I'm like that is just that's the wrong thing for her, because I know what I seen growing up and I knew the isolation I felt and the loneliness I felt and being left alone, and I'm like, yeah, it's nothing has probably changed. Like it's not good, it just just breaks your heart. But it took six months to get our younger two back. Um, we did everything they asked and some, and we got the younger two back and things were good and we were still. We were still trying to fight for malia. So the case got closed for the younger two and they ended up, when they did the investigation on us because it was the county and DFS that did it they both came back with nothing. They found nothing. But they were like, well, sorry about your luck, you're going to run through the program anyway.
Speaker 2:And so we had to go through the program anyway. And Malia had figured out how to manipulate the program and so you know she would lie. And she was like, well, if I do this, I'll get my way. And you know, finally, when that the first social worker we had got fired the initial one we ended up with a different one. She was a huge blessing because she's seen right through Malia and she put her where she needed to be, and so Malia ended up in a group home which is like boys and girls town type of thing, um, which started making a difference in her and she did finally come home, and it took a year and a half for her to finally come home. So we were still dealing with the system for a year and a half with Malia, and so that brings us up to speed a little bit. And you know we've had we were able to to show Malia and give her the gospel while she was in that facility and she started searching it out herself, and so that was, that was just amazing to see.
Speaker 1:And then talk to me. Talk to me about the guilt, the shame, the condemnation that has changed the way you look at your life, that the how it's been erased and how living free from that has changed the way you've even looked at all of these trials.
Speaker 2:I praise him through it now. I had something happen last week. I was praising him through it because I'm going to give him praise regardless. It's he is who completes me, and he says I'm I'm beautiful. And he says I'm worthy. And he says all these things about me. How, how could I say otherwise Whenever he's the one who spoke life into me? I don't view myself in that place of black now when the lies flood in my mind sometimes I you know I'm still caught victim to it, but most of the time I'm able to deflect them off and I know it's a lie and I know it's Satan whispering in my ear, because I know who's I am.
Speaker 1:I think the thing that's remarkable is, uh, I visited your church. I think it was the fall of 2020. And when you said, like pictures of you, like you look like your eyes, I remember seeing you and I was like she looks like she's upset, like you look like you were mad. And then we all started hanging out and you loosened up a little bit. But then hearing from Jadra, and Jadra, obviously she loves you, she loves her brother, and then she would give us an update every once in a while and her heart would just be beaming for you and she's like I think she's, I think she's getting it, I think they're getting it. And now that I've heard this story and this is one of the wilder stories that we've had on here I remember her kind of mentioning some of the stuff going on, and then when and I'm just like what this, this is, this is crazy, this is what a wild story. And then I hate to see where you guys are. You hated her.
Speaker 2:I hated Jadra. I absolutely hated Jadra. Like I didn't want anything to do with her, Like how bubbly she was, it made me mad. Like now I could call her up and have a conversation with her for an hour. I love her, but before, oh no, I couldn't stand her.
Speaker 1:And the difference, tell me the main difference, the main way that you're seeing it, that makes such a huge difference in how you can talk to her.
Speaker 2:I don't. I don't view her in her downfalls. I used to look at anything I could nitpick about her and you know I always, you know, thought, oh, everybody views her as perfect. Well, I'm not going to, and that was just my rebellion. But she's my sister, um, and I am very grateful for and the fact that she still kept trying to be my friend and be my sister. That says a lot about someone's character, because she could have gave up a long time ago.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we're going to hear more about this story on an episode I do with your husband, but I just want to say that I think we all come by our stuff honestly. Come by our stuff honestly like the trauma that you've experienced. It's not like you were in a vacuum and you came out hating Jadra. No, like you come by it honestly, but in the same way that you came by all of that honestly. Jesus has healed you. Jesus has made you new and old. Jennifer is dead and new Jennifer has risen with Christ. New Jennifer is righteous. New Jennifer is free from and dead to sin, and just seeing and hearing this and seeing how you're walking now is just a testament to God's love and that he's revealed it to you. And, even though there's things saying differently, you're grabbing onto it and you're believing it and that's the whole thing is. Will we believe it? Will we grab onto it? And I see you do that and it's a testimony to me and I'm praising the Lord for it.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean how, how we got to see God work, god move and the peace we had. There's no way, if it would have been old me, I would have went and kidnapped my kids back. I didn't care, but me. Now we went in that courtroom, initially for DFS, and we were pleading our case. And you know, it was earlier this year God revealed to me. I let you plead your case for a reason and that was because I need you to realize that you're not your defender, I'm your defender, but you're not your defender. I'm your defender. And our family has been restored completely and our marriage is better than ever and we love each other more than we ever have and we know how to communicate with each other. We know, you know, we know what makes each other tick still, but we know that in love it's, it's not okay.
Speaker 2:You're not going to torture the person you love just to get your licks. You know your licks, you know. So it's just watching it full circle for me, and that he's brought us through it all and all the nasty that we had to endure I mean the names that was called, I mean everything. I had a nickname at one point and it was Chubbs from him. It was not pretty, and so you know, we have come so far to the point like we've been able to help other couples and it's beautiful to help tell them, hey, we've been there Like it's not all you think it is, it's not fun, it's much. All you think it is, it's not fun. It's much better when you try to work together and it's a lot easier with God's plan.
Speaker 1:So if we go back to Raytown high school and we go back to this girl who just wanted to be loved and you get to pull her aside, get to take her to grab something to eat at the Independence Center and you get to put your arm around her, what would you tell her?
Speaker 2:To stop running. Stop trying to run. He's going to keep pursuing you. You're, you're whole, you're perfect, you're loved. You just need to learn how to love people back and what God's love is. Because I didn't have a clue.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's not over, but I just see more life coming. So thank you so much, jennifer. I appreciate you. Thank you, man. If you're listening to this episode and you're thinking about your life and the things that have led to where you ended up, your lineage now goes back to Jesus Christ, as seen in Jennifer's life. So if that's where you are, then this prayer is for you. Father in heaven. Thank you that I'm brand new, that everything about old me is gone, that new me is here, that you make things new and in your time. So thank you for answering my prayer and changing my life. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, you guys Want to highlight Internet Church every other Friday night. Right now we're in the middle of a series, but usually every other Friday night we're doing Internet Church. So go ahead If you want to be a part of Internet Church. Text Internet Church to 808-204-4372. That's 808-204-4372. That's 808-204-4372. Come vibe with us on Friday night, because Friday night time is the right time. Love y'all, appreciate y'all. Bye.