Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#175 From Fear to Freedom: Floyd Phillips' Transformative Faith Journey
What happens when your perception of God is shaped by fear and guilt? Floyd Phillips shares his deeply personal journey of growing up in a religious environment that painted God as hypercritical and demanding. This skewed image led him to an obsessive quest for forgiveness, confessing every sin to escape eternal damnation. Learn how this relentless pursuit affected his mental state and spiritual growth, and the pivotal moment on his 16th birthday that sparked a profound internal debate, leading to a surprising sense of freedom and a turning point in his faith journey.
Floyd's story takes a transformative turn through the power of inductive Bible study. Moving away from rigid religious teachings, he discovered a more loving and forgiving image of God, which brought significant changes to his life and family dynamics. Hear how giving up family worship was a difficult yet necessary decision to prevent passing on a dark view of God to the next generation. This new approach to Bible study emphasizes personal discovery and direct engagement with scripture, fostering a profound and personal understanding of God's love.
Experience the impact of community engagement and emotional awakening through Floyd's eyes. From Zoom calls that deepened his faith to intimate, faith-based meetings that fostered deep connections and emotional release, Floyd's journey underscores the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in our spiritual walks. This episode promises to inspire, resonate, and challenge long-held beliefs, encouraging a deeper, Holy Spirit-led engagement with scripture. Tune in to gain insights and be part of a story that emphasizes the transformative power of the gospel and the importance of a supportive community.
0:00 - Journey From Fear to Freedom
14:30 - From Religious Guilt to Grace
24:54 - Transformation Through Inductive Bible Study
37:43 - Personal Bible Study Transforming Lives
47:13 - The Gospel's Transformative Power
1:01:28 - Transformation Through Intensive Learning
1:12:17 - Deepening Faith Through Community Engagement
1:18:24 - Emotional Awakening and Spiritual Growth
1:33:40 - Podcast Blessings and Recommendations
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life, yo. Welcome to the Dead to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode we have been waiting for. The people have been saying, hey, when's it going to happen? When are we going to have Floyd on the podcast? And, guys, it's been a journey with some peaks and some valleys, but we're here, we've arrived.
Speaker 1:If you want to hear the longer version of Floyd's story, talk to Floyd. He and I are working out that stuff out in the background. That's not out in the background, but this is just his heart, but this is just his heart. This is a beautiful story of a man receiving the love of God, and I'm excited for you guys to hear it because we've been waiting so long to hear Floyd's journey, so we're just going to jump into it. This is Floyd Phillips, buckle up, strap in Love y'all. Appreciate y'all. Yeah, all right, floyd, our podcast episode that we recorded the eight hours marathon, as I would call it. It was fun. And now, like there's word on the underground, oh, there's these mythical floyd tapes oh, have you gotten that mythical floyd tape.
Speaker 1:But I want to ask you, uh, floyd, give us a general kind of background of how I usually start with. Who was God to you? Where does your spiritual story start? Give us, like a general man, this was my lifestyle, this is how I used to think about God, because of how I grew up, or my folks, or something like that. Give us the general background.
Speaker 3:I grew up or my folks or something like that. Give us the general background. You know, I've listened to pretty much all the stories that you've recorded and they've had a huge impact on me. The Holy Spirit, every single one of them, the Holy Spirit resonated. I took notes and notes. As you know, I had over 40 pages of notes, didn't want to miss anything. Obviously, that didn't turn out well because, like John said, there's not enough room for all the books it would take. So like give up on the printing business.
Speaker 3:But comparing my life story, which is about twice as long as most of you guys, I realized that in some respects, with a lot of people it was a bit different, in that I grew up in the very atmosphere of theology, if you want to call it. I can't ever remember a time that I wasn't God conscious. Everything in my family I was the last of six kids. One of them died before I was born Theology defined our life, our family, everything, everything. It wasn't the best theology, but it was the best that my parents could do and and I and I praise god for that and every generation has to pick it up and carry the ball further and God has done that and all I can say is it's God that does it. But what I grew up with, what distilled in me out of not only my family but the very atmosphere of the religion culture that I was raised in, was what distilled over time was very real God, but a God who was hypercritical. And I've heard a number of people say and I grew up with the same paradigm, which I think is a travesty of misinterpretation of a quotation that one little sin will keep you out of heaven. It actually doesn't say that that way, but that's how it was interpreted. That that way, but that's how it was interpreted. And that the Satan Satan has used that in so many lives to distort God's face.
Speaker 3:Into this one and in my mind I find myself in a competition with God where I always had to do everything I could think of to make sure all my sins were forgiven, which I couldn't quite even figure out how to do that. And assurance was off limits. I was told that was too dangerous, was off limits. I was told that was too dangerous. So it was my job to get right with God, to get rid of sin in my life so that I could go to heaven, so I could be accepted by God and find his approval. And some of those demands that I had to fulfill was to love God, which I didn't even know what love was, and I was pretty sure I didn't know how to do that. But the picture of God that I had was stern, harsh, demanding, sadly reflecting of how authorities often treated me growing up.
Speaker 3:And so, by the time I was early teens, I came into a period, based on that statement and other ones, that it was my job to make sure that I confessed and asked for forgiveness, because of course, god won't forgive you unless you ask for every single sin that I ever committed, whether I knew about it or not. That's a daunting task, especially if you don't even know, have a clear definition of what sin is which I didn't, sin is which I didn't. So I found myself at the age of around 11 or 12. I had gotten my first job delivering papers on a paper route that's all another story and I rode my bike all the time in town anyway. And now this obsessive, compulsive spiritual consumption took over my life and no one knew it. No one knew about this the whole time this happened, but it it completely consumed my subconscious and partially conscious, thinking all day, every waking minute of the day, increasingly that I was racking my brain for anything I may have ever done that god might be offended over, and then begging him for forgiveness. But I never felt forgiven, which worried me.
Speaker 3:So then I'd have to keep trying on the same ones, plus any new ones that came along, and I wasn't quite sure, even with the difference between temptation and sin. Because you know, jesus says if you even look at a woman with lust, you've already sinned. So as soon as the temptation comes up, I guess Jesus says I've already sinned. I got to confess that one too. So you can see, this just is out of control. And I was literally, literally drowning in condemnation. So if I read what other people find hopeful, in fact, every promise in scripture, I was told you know, the promises of God, you know can save you and they, you know, they transform you and everything. But every promise that I would read and people said would read, and people said this is a promise of god for me, because of this picture of god, he was this sadistic indian giver, pardon the expression, but he would give this promise, but then he had a loophole built into it so he wouldn't have to keep it, and that just made me angry into it.
Speaker 1:So he wouldn't have to keep it and that just made me angry. Give me an example of that. What's an example of the promise with the loophole?
Speaker 3:All of them had it and I can't think of one specifically. It'd probably be easy if I could even think of one, but one of them is you have faith Well, I could even think of one. But one of them is you have faith. Well, I could never have enough faith to hit the tripwire to compel him to keep his promise to me.
Speaker 1:You said that assurance was a no-no, oh no. Did you ever even dream of having assurance but then realize oh, I'm not supposed to have assurance. Were you ever kind of doing assurance?
Speaker 3:I was desperate. I was desperate for assurance, but it was off limits because it was believed by everybody around me that if you had assurance and peace despite what it says peace and assurance and love and joy and all that stuff was going to happen, probably in heaven. But it was too dangerous here because you would become complacent and then you would feel free to sin and you would be deceived, and, of course, deception you don't know you're deceived and you're on the slippery slope and so don't even start there. So the safe thing to do is to live in constant fear For safety, for safety, safety.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's sort of like the world today is saying the only way we're going to give you security is for you to cash in your freedoms in exchange for security. It's a big lie, but we believe it and it's the same thing. And so I'd read Romans 8.1. I'm desperate for assurance, I'm desperate for hope, so I'd read, you know verse there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. I mean, I couldn't even get any further than that. I mean the rest of the verse. Who, what does it say? Who lived not according to?
Speaker 1:the law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
Speaker 3:That's verse two.
Speaker 1:Oh. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Speaker 3:I think that's the next verse, for the law of the Spirit of life has set next word for the law of the spirit of life, not according to the spirit or according to the flesh, but anyway, whatever it is, I got stuck right on the first phrase there's no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. Now, nobody can explain what it means to be in Christ. It took me most of my life for God to figure that one out for me, but it had something to do with being saved right, which is what I was desperately after. And yet it clearly states there that those who are in Christ don't have condemnation. And it was beyond obvious that I was full of condemnation. So the only conclusion I could draw is I'm not in Christ. So all these things in Scripture that apply to people in Christ don't apply to me, because I've got condemnation, which is absolute truth, that I'm not in Christ and I can't figure out how to get into Christ.
Speaker 1:I think, with this line of thinking, if one day you ask for forgiveness of everything and you're standing with a clear conscience, with this line of thinking, logically it's best if you die in that moment.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Because, then you're going to live forever and you don't have a chance to mess up again, right?
Speaker 3:Right after you confessed and got forgiven, I wished many times God would just kill me. So, because it's the only hope I had. I couldn't do it myself, of course, because that would be committing a sin. You wouldn't have a chance to repent. So you can't do that. Well, I really wished for death. I did.
Speaker 3:So yeah, this sounds like a living hell, absolutely, in fact. That's how the story ended at that point. Because this, you know, the guilt and the condemnation from every direction just kept getting deeper and deeper. I was living under a mountain of it. You know, part of that was the correct way to pray, which I was doing all the time. Is, you know, you're supposed to kneel down, fold your hands, bow your head, close your eyes Right, otherwise you're probably sinning. Well, I couldn't't do all that while I'm riding a bike in heavy traffic, so I'm obligated to do as much as I can. I can't fold my hands because I'm steering. Uh, I could bow my head. I tried closing my eyes, nearly got killed a few times. I thought maybe I need to keep my eyes open, but this is insane. And it was insane, that's how far. So, in desperation, I sat down and I wrote a letter to a pastor that my mom was very much enamored with, for good reason, but she was looking for better answers too, and it was Glenn Kuhn, the ABCs of prayer. I mean, he brought hope to a lot of people in his day and I thought, well, he knows God, maybe he could answer my question. And I wrote him a letter and I asked him if it was okay to have my eyes open during prayer. Now, given the context I just told you, you can see why I asked. I wish with all my life, you know, and other events similar to that, that he had asked questions to find out what was behind the question, because that wasn't the real question. The real question was way bigger than that. And there were other times. You know that I went to pastors in desperation and I asked them stupid questions, hoping they would ask me what was really going on. And they didn't, and I was so disappointed. But he wrote me a wonderful letter back and gave me Scripture proof that not only can you open your eyes, you can actually raise your head and lift your hands to heaven. Because Jesus did that. I was like, oh well, at least I can ride my bicycle while I'm groveling before God and not get killed because I didn't close my eyes and that's all. I got out of it Right. But I went off to boarding school. A lot of stories happened during that time. A lot of big stories actually happened.
Speaker 3:But I woke up on my 16th birthday on the top bunk in my dorm room and I had just one of these existential intellectual discussions with myself that I sometimes have and I'm thinking, okay, it's the 16th birthday. I've heard rumors that well, the only rumor is sort of silly. But the old expression sweet 16 and never been kissed, whatever that means, yeah, but this haunting idea that maybe something magical happens in a person's life when they turn 16. But then the logical part of my brain says that's stupid. You know, even the day you're born is completely arbitrary. It just happened. You know, whenever it just happened, it's irrelevant. And 16 years from then is irrelevant. You're just, you know, you're just being silly.
Speaker 3:And yet another part of me wouldn't let go. I think it was the Holy Spirit now and I said but what if your intellectual is wrong? What if something's actually true? And just because you don't believe it, it doesn't make it untrue? What if something does happen on your 16th birthday? Would you be willing to believe it? I mean, even right now, processing that is just mind-blowing. Mind-blowing Because then it's like the Spirit reminded me of what I was going through for the last four or five years and I was exhausted.
Speaker 3:I was completely exhausted and I started thinking about it. I'm thinking I've got to go through another day of this groveling all day, begging God to forgive me for everything that's currently happening, plus anything I did as an infant or anything else. And I started existentially thinking about that and I thought and I never even know if I'm forgiven, I don't even know if I'm making, I don't know if this is making any difference. What is the point of this? How much longer do I have to do this? And I just started feeling angry and resistant and the idea finally came into my head what if I just quit? And the idea finally came into my head what if I just quit and instantly all the alarms go off and it's like no, no, you can't do that, you'll burn in hell and the thought came back and said okay, let me think about that a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that'd probably hurt, but I'm not completely sure. That would be a whole lot worse than what I'm going through. And there's no end to what I'm going through and, according to what I've taught about hell, at least it ends Well. Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. Do an experiment I'm going to try one day, and tonight, when I come back, I'm going to evaluate and then I'll make a decision then. So I did.
Speaker 3:Now I found out it was just as much work to not do this compulsive behavior as it was to do it all day. But that whole day I fought back and I said now, if I do something obviously bad or wrong or something, okay, I'll confess it, I'll repent, but this other stuff is killing me, I'm not going to do it. So all day long, every time I felt the urge, which was pretty much all day, I said, no, I'm not going to do it, I'm thinking about something else. I'm going to actually interact with people. I'm going to try to be quote normal.
Speaker 3:I came back that evening and I had devotions morning and evening, because that was drilled into me my whole life growing up and I came back and had my devotions and I assessed okay, how do I feel? Should I keep doing this? Should I not God? What do I feel? Should I keep doing this? Should I not God? What do you think? But you know what I think. I feel better. Somehow, something inside of me says God may not be this bad. Maybe he's better than what I thought he was. Maybe he doesn't want me to do this. I think I'm going to keep doing this For me, for God. I'd have to say, boom, that was a massive tipping point. I've got a lot of tipping points in my life. That was one of the big ones and, yes, the residual of that still haunts me sometimes. But I finally began believing, maybe for the first time in my life, believing, maybe for the first time in my life, that God might not be as judgmental and condemning and harsh as whatever source had made him out to be up to that point.
Speaker 1:So this first thing, where you're giving up the constant, what is it? Scrupulosity, the constant begging God for forgiveness or confession of every single thing, that was one aspect of who you thought God was. As you continue in life and you're married and you have kids, it kind of changed, but still kind of had a works-based aspect to it. Would you say, oh sure sure. Sure.
Speaker 3:Let me read a verse here that summarizes sort of my life story and I'll find it here. I'll put it in here. I know it's Proverbs 4.18. It says the path of the righteous and I'm happy to now say that God says I'm righteous, so I'm going to accept that.
Speaker 1:Praise God yeah that's good. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Thank you. The path of the righteous is like the dawning light that shines more and more to the perfect day. You know, and I told you previously, I cannot point to a time in my life where I went from death to life, any more than I can watch the sunrise from deep darkness until noon and tell you oh, there's where it changed. Even watching the sun appear above the horizon is excruciatingly slow. Like when did it rise? I don't know. It's still happening, kind of thing. And I look back and it's still happening. And yet I can see points when all of a sudden, the cloud cleared out of the way and the sun just blasted through. I forgot what you asked me already.
Speaker 1:Well, let me ask you this you just right there when you agreed with Scripture that, or agreed with God that you stand before God wholly blameless and above reproach, and not because of your good works, but because of Jesus, and you sitting there in this moment. How does that hit you so hard? Is it because of years of not believing that? Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 3:A lifetime of that, always being the carrot just out of reach and told that you can't get there.
Speaker 3:And well, that depends on what version you use and tell the close of probation if you finally had your act together. And let me just categorically say for the record I understand better than most people the damage that the doctrine of the investigative judgment has caused in people's lives. I understand that, I experienced it. I understand that I experienced it. However, at the same time, I chose instead of throwing everything out, I chose to wait and wrestle until the Holy Spirit showed me the truth that is so beautiful that I didn't have to throw it out. I had to reframe it back where it originally belonged and it fits perfectly with the beautiful character of God that he has shown me over the last 20, 30 years, has shown me over the last 20, 30 years. That has totally transformed my relationship with him. It even allowed a relationship with him because I was taught growing up that even having a relationship with God was heresy, that unconditional love was heresy. My dad told me that directly.
Speaker 1:Not indirectly, directly. So, floyd, let's talk about this. In your story, you know there's plenty of hang-ups, trying to become right with God when you're already right with God. Inherently there's problems. Right, there's this thing that you've described to me. That was the next big shift and that was inductive Bible study. When did that start? Were the kids still at home or were they out of the home? Like when did that start?
Speaker 3:and how did that radically change your perspective? For a little background on why it was such a breakthrough again, I grew up in a home where we had morning and evening worship religiously, no pun intended, it was without us realizing it was our religion. Sort of like Jesus says you search the scriptures because you think you're going to get eternal life. That's what, basically, except when we weren't searching, we were just reading, because we read the whole Bible through every single year, every single year. If you've ever done that, you know it takes. It's a marathon. You've got to read like 10 chapters a day and we did it every single year.
Speaker 3:So I am immersed in Scripture. I grew up in Scripture, but not studying it. Yes, we had lots of Bible studies but, as you know, most Bible studies start with conclusions and then proof texting. I've been through many of them. I got tired of that because it was the same conclusions with the same proof text and they were trying to answer questions. I wasn't asking, but when I left home I continued to have my devotions.
Speaker 3:I attempted to have it with my family, like I was raised to do, but when my children were pretty young it was going south really fast and because of my dark view of God. And by this time I realized I had a dark view of God. I realized I didn't want to pass it on to my kids like I had received it inadvertently, and yet I was doing it. I knew I was doing it and one day I remember we were living in Michigan, we hadn't lived there very long, and I'm trying to have worship and my son is acting out, being rebellious quotes and and I'm reacting much like my dad would have done and in my frustration and I don't you know, I'm trying not to whip him like I was done, because I know that's not productive, even though I've done that plenty of times. And so I and I and I hate to say this, but it's the truth it was winter and I literally sat him outside the front door in the snow and locked the door.
Speaker 1:Because he was wiggling during Bible study, because he was acting out and not cooperating and everything.
Speaker 3:And I just that's unimaginable that it happened. And yeah, we didn't leave him out there too long. You know, cool off, come back in, cooperate. But I know, I know the damage that that had to have done to him and even at the time it was a wake-up call for me and after that I just said you know what? We're not having family worship anymore. I cannot do more damage to my children. That happened to me. I think it's safer to just leave it in God's hands. I'll continue to have my own devotions until the day finally comes when my picture of God is finally salvaged enough that I could do it better, and until then I'm not going to damage people in the process. So that's the background.
Speaker 3:So I read the Bible out of obligation, because that's what you do to be a Christian. But it was a duty. I always did it as a duty and I longed to have it come alive and to hear the Holy Spirit and all that stuff. And I heard stories about it but I didn't know how to do it. Worries about it, but I didn't know how to do it.
Speaker 3:And one day and this is many years later and I think at the time my children had already gone off to boarding school by that time, and I was I got a phone call from the church secretary the village church there in Berrien Springs and she was calling all the members to pick a group to join. You know, one of these programs the church is rolling out so everybody's supposed to be part of a group, and so she says what kind of a group would you like to belong to? And she lists them off. And my frustration just sort of flashed and I knew you know, she was just doing her job and she knew that. But I went off on her a little bit and I said I said you know, I'm so tired of programs, one program after another and it's all superficial. I said let me tell you what I, what kind of group I would like to belong to. I said tell you what kind of group I would like to belong to. I said I would like to find a group of people who actually studied the Bible, not some pre-packaged, pre-digested thing, but actually got together and looked at the Bible and let it teach them, let it come out. And she said I know exactly what you're talking about. And no, we don't have a group like that. But let me give you a phone number of somebody you might want to talk to him. Oh, that's interesting. So I called the phone number. I talked for two hours, never heard of the guy, never met him.
Speaker 3:He was a seminary student, actually just finishing up, had a few months left, but he had learned under Bill Liversidge. He's quite a famous one for spreading inductive Bible study. I will have to say that this student did a far better job than even Bill Lerbisch, and I edited many of Bill Lerbisch's sermons and stories and talks. So I understand him. This guy was such a natural and the Holy Spirit flowed through him so effectively. Anyway, what he was describing to me was tantalizing, but I just it didn't have a place. I couldn't imagine what he's talking about because it was so foreign. And he said I'll tell you what just come.
Speaker 3:This Sabbath I'm teaching the class, the Sabbath school class, at alumni weekend for the academy. He says it's not the same thing but you might get a flavor for it If you like it. I am starting. I'm going to start up teaching a little class on the side for people that want to learn this. So you know, if you decide you want to join, just let me know. So we went, sat in the back row of this auditorium and we listened to him and, like the disciples on Emmaus, said, wow, my heart just came alive. And when he got done, I literally ran to the front and I said sign us up. This is what I'm looking for, and it was. We went on a retreat the first weekend, a small group of us maybe 10, I don't know and we went through inductors Bible study for the first time in my life, in a way that literally left all of us in tears, including the teacher, which amazed me.
Speaker 1:What is describe inductive Bible study? Describe inductive Bible study.
Speaker 3:How do you describe something that's so powerful and so emotional and so ethereal that it's beyond words?
Speaker 3:How would you start it if you and I were going to have an inductive Bible study on Romans 8.1? Let me just give you the principles of how it works, the mechanics. Inductive Bible study number one is not taught, it's experience. So the difference and they explain it, the difference between inductive and deductive is that deductive Bible study is what we're used to. The teacher gets up and he tells you or reads it to you and then explains it to you and tells you what it means, which is what we're used to. All of our sermons, everything I'd had that whole life. I was burned out on it.
Speaker 3:Inductive Bible study is not from a teacher, is not from a teacher. The facilitator I call it will invite you to focus on just one verse or one little parable or whatever. And then that's the first step. You pick something and then you ask a few basic questions about the context who wrote this? What, when, where, why, how? Those verses you know those, those questions we learn. Some people learn in english growing up. So you have some context, you know and I you're not just picking words out of nowhere. You're like, okay, who wrote this? Why did they write it? Who's it written to? What's the context? And then like, what is it saying? And you discuss that a little bit and then at the end, what does it mean? And how does this apply to me personally? And you let the Holy Spirit do all of the teaching.
Speaker 3:The teacher or the facilitator never gave us answers. This guy it was frustrating because you know, we grew up in school and if you want to hear the answer, you just wait until they tell you the answer, or they tell you the book, or they tell you the book, you go get the answer. But he would never give a thing. He'd ask questions and then we'd get in little groups and we'd discuss it and look at the context and he said get your answers out of the verse, out of the context, don't speculate, don't go looking for somebody else's commentaries. Let's let the Bible teach you. And we would bring our answers back. And he'd ask another probing question. We'd go back, discuss it some more. We'd get a little frustrated because it's like what are you looking for? You know, just keep asking questions and pretty soon something would start happening and something would shift in our thinking and it would just. You could feel it. Something's emerging here, something huge, and all of a sudden it was like a bubble popping out of the surface of the water and it would just explode and somebody would just say whatever it was and everybody just sits there at all.
Speaker 3:And I remember, and I started attending his he had them on Friday nights and I remember the biggest difference between those experiences I would have to call them and every other study I've ever been in or sermon is that if I go to church and I hear a really good sermon or whatever sort of subconscious ego is, that was really great. Wow, he has some good points. I got to remember that. But it's sort of like it's. It came from him and maybe I'll believe it, maybe I can embrace this, maybe I can integrate it into my belief system.
Speaker 3:When I walked out of those two-hour studies that felt like five minutes. We're like what are we? And I'd walk out to my car and almost invariably I would be saying look what God showed me. And I owned it. I owned it. I didn't get it from anybody, I owned it. I didn't get it from anybody, I owned it.
Speaker 3:The Holy Spirit literally gave birth to this inside of me and it was mine forever. And when. That happens over and over in scriptures pretty soon, no matter where you read, it's given birth. And from that point well, let me just add why this became very personal because it was so exciting to experience this in a group and it's like, in contrast to me sitting down for my morning devotions and dutifully reading the bible I was like, wait, I don't want to sit here and do this when I could be experiencing that, but I can't have a group with me.
Speaker 3:Every time I wonder if I could do this myself. Okay, well, let's see if, let me experiment. So I said I'm going to get me a legal pad and a pencil and I'm going to open my Bible. And okay, what do I do now? Well, let's ask questions. That's what he said. So I'd read a verse or two and then I'd stop and I said I said, okay, let's ask a question, so I would write.
Speaker 3:And I knew no sooner started writing down a question than suddenly something hit my head like what? And I start writing that down and I start writing, and writing, and writing, and writing, and it's out of control and I'd have two or three pages written. I'm'm like, wait, what just happened? I've never what. That's never happened before. I think God just showed up. That's cool. Hey, I wonder if he'd ever do it again.
Speaker 3:And the next morning I sat down and I got the pad out and I started it again and it happened again. And it happened again and I thought you mean, you mean I could do this all the time, you mean it's even possible. And then, when it didn't happen, I was freaking out. I was like wait, where did he go? How come I can't? How come this is dead? How come it's boring? What's going on, god? What happened? How come you're not here? He's like I'm here, but you can't hear me why.
Speaker 3:It's because you watched that movie last night. You're still trying to finish the movie in your head and I don't have any room to get in. Your imagination's been hijacked. I'm like oh you right, I don't like that. I want to hear you again.
Speaker 3:Well, it's your choice. What you put into your mind affects how you think and how you feel for days to come. If you want me, spend time with me and start choosing to block out that stuff and that lesson I've been practicing ever since. But I tell you what it went from struggling to read and couldn't even remember the last paragraph I read, but I did it because I'm supposed to do it, but I did it because I'm supposed to do it to the last few years. I can hardly wait to open up the word and the Holy Spirit talks to me or plants a verse in my head, even before I get out of bed or when I'm driving, anytime, and I can't hardly tear myself away to go to work after three or four hours sometimes. I'm not saying that to brag, I'm just saying it's become an obsession, an addiction that I think our addiction circuits were created for.
Speaker 1:So what did this Bible study start revealing to you about who God is and, subsequently, how he sees you? Everything. Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we're going to go down under and I'm going to bring Karen and bees out here. Karen and bees, what's up? Hi, how long has it been since you guys have been rocking with the gospel? Oh.
Speaker 5:Going on two years now. Yeah, nearly two years yeah 2022.
Speaker 1:Nearly two years. Is that how you're going? Did I get it? Is that an English accent? Not really, it's not anything I get it. Is that an English accent? Not really. It's not anything, is it?
Speaker 5:It's nothing. You're on your own yourself, man. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1:Okay, what has the gospel done in changing your life? Actually, yeah, just real quick. Has it changed your life at all? Oh, just in every single way possible. Oh, good answer, karen. What about you bees?
Speaker 5:oh, man, yeah, like if I could be more specific in the sense it's changed my marriage. It's changed, uh, the way that I see myself. It's changed the way that I see god. It's changed the way that I live my life, in agreement to who god says I am, rather than the lies that I used to believe about myself. It's provided me so much freedom. It's given me, yeah, the liberty to live the abundant life that Christ has promised me today, here and now. And that's what? Yeah, that's what it's provided me, that's how it's changed my life.
Speaker 1:You guys are like down for anything with the gospel. You want everybody to hear you've contributed time, money, energy. Why is that such a big deal to you guys? What's that?
Speaker 2:all about. I think when you know what the gospel can do for your life, when you get to really see who God really is and how beautiful and life-changing that can be, how can you not want as many people the world over to know the same thing? There is real love, is peace, is hope. No matter your circumstances, you can have joy. I want that for everyone.
Speaker 5:We both do. Yeah, absolutely, and I think on this particular platform and in this particular community, you're able to journey with people and you're able to kind of take this experience, um in a real, authentic, real way it's. You don't have to be fake, you don't have to wear a mask, um, because people, so many people before us, have shared their story and given them, put themselves in such a vulnerable place that it makes me safe to do the same. To experience the gospel in that way, in a safe and authentic way, has just heightened my experience and I really and that's what I want to celebrate with other people as well.
Speaker 1:Man, if you're hearing this, you want the gospel to move forward as well. Man, if you're hearing this, you want the gospel to move forward. You can go to wwwloverealityorg slash give and you can be a part of this thing moving forward. We're trying to get this from sea to shining sea. We're trying to get it all over the world. So every dollar goes to getting this moving forward. So that's wwwloverealityorg slash give. Bees and Karen, good to see your faces. Thanks for coming on, no worries, see you later.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see you later another major tipping point for me was shortly after we moved down here from michigan, which is a major story of its own. But I still could not love God. And I knew it and I had prayed for years. Why can't I love you? Why can't I love anybody? Why can't I believe that I am loved? I want to. It's a command. I can't do it, I'm stuck. I don to. It's a command. I can't do it, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 3:And one day and I'm getting, I think, pretty good at listening to the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit strongly urged me and said I want you to, I just want you to sit down and read the Bible. I wasn't reading the Bible through every year anymore, I was much more, whatever I was led to look at. But he said I want you to read the whole Bible through and I just want you to listen. Now, this is God's kind of inductive Bible study Definitely not start with the conclusion and proof text it. Because he refused, just like a good inductive teacher, he refused to tell me anything about the conclusion. All I knew was the subject. That's all I knew, and I wasn't reading to study. He said just listen, that's all I want you to do Just listen and I'll teach you.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, two years, I just started reading no agenda. I just started reading and I remember I got into I think it was Leviticus or Numbers or somewhere there and I came across a story and it was like it jumped off the page. I've read that probably at least dozens of times, never noticed it, but again, when the Holy Spirit makes it come alive, it's alive. I'm like whoa, what's that? Well, that kept happening over the months and all I did was write down the reference. I just start copying down the references of everything that jumped off the page at me. Well, by the end of two years, I had a pretty long list of references. I still have that Bible where I wrote them in.
Speaker 3:And so I began looking them all up, copying them in the computer, digesting, collating, processing, saying okay, what is God showing me here? And it was becoming obvious by this time, because every time they jump off the page, there was a message, there was a message, there was an instruction, there was light pouring through. And when I finally saw the big picture, because the and it was straight out of scripture, I was not listening to any teacher, any preacher, it was just the Holy Spirit and me and the scriptures and that was it and I didn't know what the conclusion was. But when we got done and he said, look it all over, what does it mean?
Speaker 3:And I saw what it meant and it shook me because I realized that right now, facing this, and it was obvious that the answer that came directly from Scripture, through the Holy Spirit, contradicted what I had believed my entire life and I had to make a choice. Am I going to stay in my comfort zone, so I don't rock the boat, so I don't rock the boat, or am I going to accept something that is brought to me by the Holy Spirit that may put me at odds with the entire world, which I knew that can't possibly be, but I don't know anybody who thinks this. Am I willing? And I was taught and I'm grateful my parents taught me to listen to the Holy Spirit and to obey the Holy Spirit, no matter what people say, and I really appreciate that. But God said it's not enough to know this truth.
Speaker 3:You need to choose to believe it. The subject was fire and hell, and if he told me the conclusion before I started, I probably I couldn't. I couldn't have gone there. He had to sneak it up on me, but after all, the evidence was in place and I couldn't argue with it anymore. I saw again, just strictly from what happened here.
Speaker 3:I saw an amazing revelation that the fire talked about all through Scripture when it has to do with God. The fire talked about all through scripture when it has to do with god actually is a, is a symbol of the intensity of god's passionate love, and that's it, nothing else. And that hell and again this contradicted what almost everybody believes, but I couldn't argue with it at the end because he'd already convinced me before I even realized what I was seeing, that hell is the torment that I experience when I resist that love. And as I wrestled with that idea, even I thought how it doesn't make any sense, how could love create torment? And that's when he reminded me of an experience that I had with my mother back when I was about 12 years old, that I had with my mother back when I was about 12 years old and she came and talked with me on my bedside and all she was doing was speaking words of love and appealing to my heart and I was hardening my heart because of, you know, the abuse, the punishments of my dad. He was doing the best he could, but you know, it's the old law mentality and it was hardening my heart and she was desperate to try to pull me back from that brink. And she was pouring love on me, nothing but love. And it was the worst torment I'd ever experienced in my life, before or since. And God reminded me of that and he says do you remember that? I'm like? I could never forget it.
Speaker 3:And he says now you understand. You understand how love produces torment, because it's not love wanting you to be in torment, but when you resist it, you create the torment in yourself. And in Ezekiel 28, god says to Lucifer I will draw a flame out from within you and it will consume you. It's not the fire of God coming down to consume you, it's my resistance to the passionate love of God that creates resistance. And I took electronics and one of the things I learned in electronics is you know what a resistor does in a circuit. It resists. You know duh, but what happens when you run current through a resistor and you start increasing the current beyond what the resistor was designed for, it starts heating up and the more current it resists, the hotter it gets, until it literally physically bursts into flames and self-destructs.
Speaker 3:And God said that is what I'm talking about. It's not my love, it's not my intention, it's not my desire, it is not even my work to punish anyone. I'm desperately trying to get people, to win them into synchronization with my love, to let me come inside of them and remove that resistance by burning it out of them now, while I can cooperate, so that the love can just pour through me without any resistance, and then I can become a high-speed conductor of the power of God, perfect love With no fear, because perfect fear casts out love. I mean well, yeah, both. You know fear resists love and perfect love casts out fear, and the two are incompatible. And when the power of God is experienced up close, like in Revelation 14, in the third angel's message, the torment is because they're in the presence of the Lamb and the holy angels. That's where the torment is experienced.
Speaker 1:Floyd, after doing this kind of Bible study and going deep, deep, deep dive, it seems like your mind was open to things that not everyone was saying. You had more of an open mind I want to talk about when we ran across you in I think it was 2020, I think it was during the pandemic. How did you come across our stuff? And now I'm seeing, oh, you weren't afraid of something that sounded different, because I know that when people hear our stuff what we're preaching, freedom from sin normally they're turned off right away because it sounds like something they haven't heard before. But now I'm hearing your mind is open to something because of this kind of inductive Bible study. How did that come about? And, yeah, tell me about that.
Speaker 3:Well, I have to fill in a little bit between to make sense, because when I made that decision to believe that, I experienced what felt like a little seven-year-old boy out of nowhere unexpectedly jumped up in front of my face. It was me and he said if this is true, I think I could love a God like that. And it was then that I realized that the reason God took me through this Bible study was not to get my theology straight, but because my theology was the very thing that was blocking me from being able to love or to be loved, because I could not love a God who threatened to torture and burn me if I don't love him. It's just, it's an impossibility. And my heart, for the first time in my life, was unlocked and I realized hey, I can actually begin believing that I'm loved, and if I believe that I'm loved, I could begin loving other people. And that journey began right then. And it was shortly after that, about three months, that God led me miraculously to resources, and then people, and then movements generally called the character of God movement, and it just started accelerating from there and my views, my picture of God, was just in high-speed transformation. And I tell you what it just keeps going faster every day now. And so over those few years between then and now, many of my views and opinions and ideas about God from back when I was a teenager and it was just nothing but dark and threatening and foreboding and condemning and piece by piece by piece by piece, he kept bringing them up and redeeming them and redefining every word in religion back to its original meaning. And now I could read scripture and it's like, oh, it means the opposite of what I used to think it meant, and now it's congruent. I don't have to force fit stuff and it was so beautiful. So obviously I'm making friends all over the world. Well, how I ended up here and what I want to say is God took me on this journey of having a radically unconventional paradigm of how God, who he is, what he's like, that he is love. He never resorts to violence, he does not use force. It's all completely consistent. I know it's hard to swallow for most people. It was hard to swallow for me. It took God years sometimes to get past my resistance, but thank God he is so probably around 2019, I don't know when, it was Not sure if I could even go back and find it.
Speaker 3:But a friend of mine who had been part of my healing journey, who had introduced me to my healing journey actually years before she came from South Africa originally, we were close friends with her and her husband in Berrien Springs. Then she moved to the university over in Korea in Seoul, south Korea, and she's still over there. She married a Korean and we've had wonderful, deep, amazing conversations over the years. So you know she's sending me stuff once in a while. We exchange things. So you know she's sending me stuff once in a while. We exchange things.
Speaker 3:And one day, just out of the blue, she sent me a link to a video with no comment, no explanation. I don't even know where she got it. I just got this link and because everything that comes from her is usually very useful, okay, I said, well, okay, let me go check it out. And it was a link to the first talk in Wave 2 at PBC. So I sat down and started watching it and I'm confused. You know Tyler and Morgan were standing up there talking about this miracle that had happened, which I had no idea what the context was. They're talking about some wave one or something or other that had happened a few months before and how it had radically challenged Whatever they're talking about there. And I'm like I have no clue what they're talking about. But boy, this sounds. It sounds good, whatever they're talking about. But boy, this sounds good, whatever they're talking about, but I can't even figure out because they're not saying what it is. They're talking about something else. Maybe I need some context here. So I go to their channel, I find Wave 1, and I said I probably should watch Wave 1, so I figure out what this is about, and so that's what I did.
Speaker 3:Now, again, I don't know how the pieces came together. I don't know if there was links. I don't know if I looked up something. Somehow I got an email list or something, and somehow we found out that they were doing Zoom calls there in the summer of 2020. And at the time I don't know why, probably on a job or something we lived in Illinois, but I was up in Michigan at my friend's, keith's house, and so we got on the Zoom calls. We got on two of them. You told me later there was five of them. If we'd have known about them, we would have been on five of them, but we didn't hear about the other three, and so we got introduced to it twice.
Speaker 3:We stayed in the after parties all the way to the end. I'm sort of addicted to stuff like that. I still am. By the way. Last night I'm sort of addicted to stuff like that, I still am. By the way, last night we had a wonderful one. I was not there, you don't know anything about yet. He was not there, but anyway, yeah, toward the end. I don't know if the end of the first or second round. Yeah, toward the end. I don't know if the end of the first or second round. Um, we were thoroughly enjoying it and you and your characteristic bullying style were calling people out to give their testimony, like you knew. You knew I'd calling you.
Speaker 3:I don't know what you're talking about, I don't have anything to say. And then they'd give the most amazing testimonies. They would have us in tears and I'm like man. I think God led us to this. I don't know what's going on here, but obviously this is part of our training program and I'm getting used to God introducing me to the next level of training and handing me the books and saying start studying, start paying attention. We're on a roll here, don't get behind. So we're enjoying it and hanging on to the very, very end.
Speaker 3:And all of a sudden you said well, the next person I'm going to call on doesn't know that I'm going to call on them. And then you call my name and I'm like uh-oh, I don't have this glowing testimony that he's expecting. I'm sort of in limbo. I'm the kind of person that has to process things and digest things and absorb things. I don't have these fantastic breakthroughs. I'm jealous of people who have them. But I don't know my life. Like I just read it, my life has been like this transition from dark to light, and sometimes I wish I had that flash of light, like sol of persis. But anyway, like I don't want to disappoint him, what do do I say, and I said something to the effect of well, yeah, you know, this is really interesting. What?
Speaker 1:do you think the stuff that you were thinking about, Like I don't know what I said. You heard that you're in the second Adam, that you've always been a son, that you weren't under the law. Yeah, tell me how that was getting you. That's the new stuff that's the new stuff.
Speaker 3:Okay and right, and yet at the same time, it wasn't completely new either, because most of what you talk about is stuff god's been teaching me for a long time over time, and so when I came here it was almost like god had this whole machine or whatever you want to call it assembled I mean the pieces of the right. In fact, now that I think of it, it reminds me of ezekiel 37, if you know what that is. God tellszekiel. He sees this valley of bones just scattered all over the place, obviously dead people, completely disorganized, depressing, dark. And God tells Ezekiel I want you to prophesy over these bones and make them come alive.
Speaker 3:And Ezekiel prophesies, but he only gets the job half done, for whatever reason. All the bones come together, so they get together correctly, they get their doctrine straight, they even get flesh and skin and they even look good. They look like real people, but there's no life. It's like, oops, what happened? And then God says do it again this time. Prophesy to the wind. Oh, so he does it this time. And then we know the rest of the story. That's a little bit how I feel. The bones were in place, the skin was in place, the muscles, but it was just laying there.
Speaker 1:So, after you're considering all this, I ask you to testify. I remember you would say some stuff and you were quite an intimidating figure on Zoom, because you're sitting there in your easy chair and I'm like, is this guy catching a vibe? Is he understanding what we're talking about? Is he mad? And then you would say something and it would be beautiful, something, and it would be beautiful and it would be life giving, and we would be like, oh man, floyd, floyd's on one, like he, really he just like you, just cut to it.
Speaker 1:And so I think that's what you said the first time you testified, because I think we kept on coming back to you and coming back to you because you kept on being there. And then you and I had a conversation and you were struggling and, uh, I kind of want to jump ahead a little bit we didn't see you, you. We saw you off and on for a couple years where you were around, but we were, but you weren't always there. But whenever you would show up, we're like, oh, floyd, what up? And then something happened at the beginning of this year where you're like you know what? I'm going to see what's going on? Tell me about that and take us to where we are now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I wish my memory wasn't failing because there's so many things I'd love to remember, and part of that is what happened between 20 and 24. I know I was hanging around, I can't remember anything about it. Uh, I I remember listening to a few of the podcasts, and every podcast has, has made an impact on me, and I don't even. I just know I'm on a journey. That's all I know, and God knows. And at the beginning of this year, we were staying with my daughter in Tennessee to work on her house. For the last several years, every place I work, we live in their house. It's quite an experience. And so we heard there was going to be another Zoom call. Great, you know, I'm on board and I got on there and I'm just at the point in my life where I'm really hungry again, where I'm really hungry again, not like I'm not being fed, but God brings me to these growth points, I guess, or growth spurts, or whatever, and you start with a deeper hunger than you've ever had before, which propels you into what he's got ready to eat, because you know what, if you're not hungry, food doesn't taste half as good. So it really gets you moving. Anyway, I went through that thing and I'll tell you what One of the and I told Jonathan this just a few days ago One of the big impacts that had that Zoom call had on me was during an after party, as I recall, and somebody asked Jonathan a question and I don't know what the question was or even the subject, and it seemed like Jonathan went off on a tangent, but for me it was exactly what I needed to hear and he began unpacking what it means to say Jesus is Lord.
Speaker 3:And, as I told him recently, that word has always triggered me because of you know, jesus said don't call anybody Lord for obvious reasons, because lording it over is very ungodly, it's very unlike God. So to call Jesus Lord sounds like a contradiction. So I'm always having to like twist it, twist it. Okay, I'm supposed to say this, but it doesn't fit everything he's showing me about himself. Until jonathan just blew the lid off that thing and went cosmic I mean literally cosmic with this thing and he was, I think, full of the holy spirit. He just went off like I find myself doing sometimes, like fireworks and they were showering everywhere and I'm like thank you. From that day forward I'm eager to verbalize Jesus is Lord, as Paul says in Romans 10, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. And that never made any sense to me until he articulated it, and now I use it as one of my favorite weapons.
Speaker 3:So, back up, that's what happened in the beginning of this year, that's one of the things that happened, and I was just at the place that I said you know what? I'm ready to go to a much deeper level, whatever that looks like, whatever God has for me. I know that this community, despite all the confusing contradictions and everything, there is a spirit here that resonates with the spirit that's been leading me all these years, and I don't know how to get there from here except just immerse myself in it. And so I just made the decision in January and I started listening to podcasts every day, pretty much all day, while I was eating, while I was working, whatever I was eating, while I was working, whatever I mean, you know, not 24 hours a day, but pretty much as much as I could. I was listening to two or three a day, which is quite a bit, as you know, and every story was affecting me.
Speaker 3:I started I guess I didn't really know about all the meetings during the week for maybe a few weeks and for some reason I got on the website or something or heard somebody mention it on one of their podcasts Like, hey, I got some time.
Speaker 3:In fact, we ran out of funding for the job, so I had lots of time. In fact, we ran out of funding for the job, so I had lots of time and maybe I should hang out some of these meetings and just see what it does to me, right? So I looked up the meetings and said, wow, they got one every day. I think you mentioned that in one of the podcasts. You know that you were going to start having meetings every day, and so I started dropping in on the meetings and at first I thought, okay, this is interesting and pretty soon. It's like wait, it's doing something to me, and especially these meetings that are led by women. Just have to say, the women just seem to be I don't know, they seem to be intuitive or something and they just resonate with people and they just sense what's going on in them and they have, you know.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the men work at it. The women just do it, naturally. I don't know. And, man, they had me in tears. Just yeah, pretty soon.
Speaker 3:I'm like man, I'm crying all the time. I've never cried this much in my life and I can't even tell you why I'm crying all the time. It's just I'm so emotional, I think something's happening and I want more of it and I just I want more of it and I just I got addicted to it and, yeah, ever since then I'm just hung up on the meetings and I stick the thing in my pocket and walk around listening to it, and people think I'm weird and I have to like mute it while I'm running my saw or whatever, and miss some stuff. And I'm driving on the road and I remember a month or two ago I was on one of Justin's calls. Man, he amazes me and, of course, the after parties is when most of the power gets unleashed. And I'm driving down the freeway coming back the store and he's ministering to somebody that just shows up after three years in the after party and suddenly the Holy Spirit's working. And let me just tell you guys, it makes it really hard.
Speaker 1:Just don't close your eyes like the bike riding.
Speaker 3:You just need to be more sensitive about stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly, your eyes like the bike riding, you know. You just need to be more sensitive about stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly like, just keep wiping them.
Speaker 1:So you can see, let me uh, let's end on this.
Speaker 1:We just spent some time together, yeah and uh, in firth nebraska oh god, now you're gonna make me you know, we've, we've, we've gotten together from time to time in different parts of the country and whenever we get a chance, we we want to be together because we we hang out on the internet so much, but we want to see each other in real life. How did that affect you and what was it it about just being together with God's people that had you seeing something different.
Speaker 3:I have to go back to say what I said before. How do you describe something that's way, way beyond language? You attempt, way beyond language, you attempt. Yeah, I said that about my visit to the Brooklyn Tabernacle too, and that's impossible to describe. But I got this invitation on Messenger and they said we want to invite you to this invitation-only event. And I'm like, wow, what makes me so special? You know, I'm just the guy that harasses people on the Internet. Well, that's nice, but man, that's a long ways from here and we're getting old. You know, that's a little expensive.
Speaker 3:And you know my usual logical arguments and pros and cons and making the list, and I don't know, maybe I should get some outside input. And you know, jadra has become an amazing friend, my cheerleader, and so I decided to get a hold of her and get her input. And I don't know whether it was on messenger or on a phone call or whatever. And uh, and I told her about this and I said what do you think? And she said you got an invitation. Yeah, she's like I don't miss any of them if they're doing something. I'm there, there. And you know, jadra, I mean she just like fireworks took off. I mean it's like this is so exciting, and on and on, and she's she's definitely infectious, contagious.
Speaker 3:By the time she got done with me, I had no choice, like okay, okay, okay, I'm paying for it right now, okay, we're going. I don't know what's going to happen, but this sounds too good to pass up. And then I had the opposite problem For the next few days. Every time I thought about what's going to happen when I meet all these friends that I've never met in person. It's too much, too much. I can't handle it. I'm not used to that much emotion. My whole life I've suppressed emotions. Now I'm a basket case every week.
Speaker 3:And if I do it in person and I told Jader, I said I don't think I can do this. I said if I go there, I'm just going to sit in my room and cry the whole day, the whole time, and I won't even be able to enjoy it. She said I know, I know what you're feeling, but sometimes I just tell God to back off a little bit so I can enjoy it. Okay, I get it. I don't want to tell God to back off, but okay, I guess we can do this. And then over the next month or so and I kept running all these scenarios and finally God said we just knock it off, just stop it. Already you already know from a lifetime experience that, running scenarios, it never even is close to what you think is going to happen, it always surprises you. Scenarios it never even is close to what you think is going to happen, it always surprises you. So just leave off, don't have any expectations except show up, and you know I'm going to show up and just enjoy it. I'm like I like that idea, I like that idea, I like that idea. So that's what I did.
Speaker 3:We were able to stay overnight at Javer's because, strangely, her house is exactly halfway there, on direct route from our house, coincidence, huh? So we got to stay overnight with them and she's like we get to start the party early, which we did, and we got there. We walk in, no expectations, of course, and there's this whole room full of people that suddenly erupt in celebration and come over and hug us, and pretty much the rest of the week was like that, and the people who were there, no, and the people who weren't were jealous, probably, and it was completely unscripted, which they say can't be done, but God does impossible stuff all the time, and it was one unplanned conversation after another, after another after another, and the Holy Spirit just happened. And I just soaked in it for two or three days and then I started being afraid. With the draws afterwards, miracles begin happening. Words miracles begin happening.
Speaker 3:We went back to Jadra's late Sunday night because we had an interruption that God arranged so we could talk to somebody who wasn't expecting to be talked to at a store and we were supposed to leave there Monday morning to go on home. But the party wouldn't quit and it was tenacious, and so we couldn't leave till Tuesday afternoon because we just couldn't get away. You know, the spirit's pretty sticky sometimes. And then I got home and, yeah, the withdrawals started hitting and the voices started coming in and the urges started coming.
Speaker 3:Oh, you need to call Jadra to get propped up. You need to call Ruthie to remind you who you are. You need to call Rich, and it's like. Then the other voice says why don't you talk to me, remind you who you are? You need to call Rich, and it's like. Then the other voice says why don't you talk to me? Why don't you lean into the vacuum instead of trying to fix it with somebody else? Why don't you recognize it as a hunger for me and just sit in that emptiness and just let me. Let me go deeper.
Speaker 3:I'm like yeah let's right so that's let's bring a full circle.
Speaker 1:You said at the beginning of this right now complete lack of assurance, and assurance was a scary thing. As you're sitting there on your chair and you're thinking about how safe you are, you tell me are you safely in Christ? Does Christ have you? Will he ever cast you out?
Speaker 3:No, god does not lock me in to anything and throw the key away. Not lock me in to anything and throw the key away, because I'm a living being and even as a physical being, I eat, I enjoy food and I get hungry again, but that hunger is not wrong or evil. It's a reminder that I need to go back and refill and spiritually, I go through those same things. So the hunger for God comes in and I've described that several times. But I don't have to feel guilty, I don't have to feel abandoned, even if the thoughts are trying to suggest that. It's a reminder to go deeper, to reconnect, to reaffirm. So is there going to be times? Of course the times come back. The enemy is constantly suggesting the old lies, the old patterns of thinking, but I'm getting really good at fighting back and the new saw is the weapon of choice. And, as I thought about even getting ready for this event right now, in contrast to the eight hours we did before, and the Spirit's been processing all that for me and it said okay, what you did was the song of Moses. You felt compelled that you needed to share all the details of both the dark and the light. That's the song of Moses, but what he taught me a few years ago about the song of the lamb, the new song, and I did a thorough investigation of that and it changed my life. And now I get to practice the new song, which doesn't need rehearsing Everything the enemy has done yes, it's true, yes, it happened, yes, but the new song is the one that wins the war.
Speaker 3:The new song is praise to our God because salvation belongs to our God, because salvation belongs to our God, and the praise to God is saving his reputation. And Jesus came to this world and lived as a human being because he says I want to glorify your name. That's what he came to to save God's reputation. That's why salvation belongs to our God. And when God saves us, it saves's reputation. That's why salvation belongs to our God. And when God saves us, it saves his reputation. To prove that he can save us and that's what he invites me into is to focus on literally reflecting his glory and what he can do in a person's life, even after they've been trapped in some of the darkest, hopeless views of God, and that he actually has the power to rescue me out of that level of religious terror to live in peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. That's the new song.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing your story with us, floyd. I think it's obvious to all of us, I think it's becoming more obvious to you how much we love you and what a big part of our community you are, and so thank you for sharing this with us, man. We appreciate you, man, hearing Floyd's heart, his love for the saints, his love that now he can love God, what he's been asking for. And if that's where you're at, if you're in that same position that you want to love God but you just don't know how this prayer is for you, father in heaven, thank you for loving me and that love has been demonstrated, that while I was against you, you died for me, and that love has been demonstrated, that while I was against you, you died for me. Thank you for showing me that this is true and that you've saved me. Allow this to open up my heart so that I can receive your love. In Jesus' name. Amen. All right, y'all.
Speaker 1:Do not forget about the Worthy of Everything podcast, that is with Jadra and Michaela. Don't forget about the Dusty Boys podcast and then the Death to Life podcast, and that's the Love Reality Podcast Network. It could be, it is a blessing and will be a blessing to you guys. Uh, love y'all, appreciate y'all. We'll catch you in the next one. Bye, bye, yeah.