In this episode we discover how a rushed mindset, rather than the actual tasks, contributes to the feeling of perpetual busyness.
Future orientation creates ongoing dissatisfaction so we redefine ambition to include emotional labor and caregiving, especially for women. All of this to help us all break free from the constricting rat race mentality.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
In this episode we discover how a rushed mindset, rather than the actual tasks, contributes to the feeling of perpetual busyness.
Future orientation creates ongoing dissatisfaction so we redefine ambition to include emotional labor and caregiving, especially for women. All of this to help us all break free from the constricting rat race mentality.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Atar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you, alhamdulillah.
Speaker 1:
I love working hard, I love contribution, but I don't love organizing the home over and over again. But I do it anyways or I hire somebody to do it Only because living in cluster is not conducive to my kids growth, in my opinion. So I do whatever I can to give them a healthy environment that they can call a safe place. In that light and in my spirit of hard work, I often hear from people that I'm always working, I'm always doing something, but I don't feel like I'm always working. I don't feel like I'm always working hard or always busy. I rest when I'm tired.
Speaker 1:
So recently I hosted a get-together at my house where my friends came over and we had sushi fusion cuisine and we rolled our own sushi. It was a lot of fun. Someone looking for outside would say you're so busy arranging everything and hosting, but I didn't feel busy. I didn't have the rest energy. Kids are on summer break. I took one afternoon to go to an Asian market and we learned so much about Asian food. They had never seen a live lobster for sale for cooking. They had never even seen fish ready to eat with eyes and sockets still in place. So they learned a lot and it was a great time.
Speaker 1:
I'm telling you this because if you're running on a rat race mentality and a rushed energy that you have to do this or that, then you would feel rushed and busy and drained. I could have easily felt all of that if I thought to myself I have to host, I have to invite, I have to have my house look a certain way and I have to make everything perfect. But I chose not to think any of that. I chose to make it a very fulfilling experience for myself, and today's podcast is dedicated to doing just that helping you come out of the rat race of your daily life, out of the rush have to constantly produce energy, which is tiring, dropping the rat race around things you're doing and not really enjoying them. I want to give a shout out to Simone Sol, one of the coaches that I follow and I frequently invest in her services.
Speaker 1:
She introduced me to a concept similar to this. So, as a human being, you have a very natural tendency of constant future orientation, which is an excellent thing. It is a compass for growth. But an unsupervised future orientation comes paired with current dissatisfaction. This is a common mindset, where you're constantly striving for a more satisfying future rather than finding contentment in the present first. All of this is enhanced by our educational system of grades, pass and fail, winning, losing strategy in sports, competitions, score comparisons, and all of this just creates a continuous cycle of preparation and anticipation, without ever truly arriving at a sense of fulfillment. And if you do arrive at a sense of fulfillment, then staying there for five minutes or so at maximum until the next goal that you must achieve becomes the reason of your fulfillment and the rat race starts again.
Speaker 1:
This rat race is my analogy of constant, rushed and busy energy, which is not the same as high level of motivation and excitement that you might feel towards work or something that you're doing. In a rat race, life becomes a constant preparation. This way of thinking turns life into an endless treadmill of working towards a future that seems perpetually out of reach. This treadmill, this running in place, never actually progressing towards real happiness or contentment. When you're working hard for your goals with excitement and motivation, you're still fulfilled. You're not less than anyone else. You're not even less than a future version of yourself who has achieved the goal, but you're still progressing because of your brain's future orientation and need of growth. To stop the rat race, you have to create an ambition that is not conditional on your achievement of your goal. When I host, my ambition is a fun time, connection with my friends, creating respect, honor, enjoyment and just plain silliness. My fulfillment is not contingent on the success of the event any other way. That's why I don't feel rushed or busy, even though I work hard to create my vision. But how is this more exclusive for you as a Muslim woman? How are you going to create fulfillment out of if, let's say, you've created a rat race in your life?
Speaker 1:
We have to first understand that women dominate labor of caregiving, homemaking, emotionally supporting others, and all of that is usually undervalued. And the worst is that, through enculturation, women learn to undervalue their own work, and this translates into work outside of the home as well. If a woman is working for money, she's more likely to undervalue what she does compared to any of her male counterparts. That's because ambition is being defined as a masculine trait. Fulfillment is being strictly defined as constant growth, economic productivity, creating goods, selling them for profit. Everything else, like intense emotional labor or raising a family or caregiving to an elderly or community service, is not considered ambitious. You nurture, you guide, you emotionally support your loved ones. You create an environment where everyone's growth and creativity is possible. This is a form of ambition that is invaluable but yet invisible. Your fulfillment will automatically happen when you define whatever you do as your ambition, even if it's emotional labor, rather than joining the rat race of productivity, which is only productive if a service or goods are exchanged for money.
Speaker 1:
We are currently living in a world shaped into a male-centric framework, where knowledge economy and productivity are defined as ambition. Cooking, cleaning, caregiving are not considered work because they don't directly contribute to the economy through trade and profit and exchange of money. And the worst part is that women believe it. But we all know that there will be no economy to profit off of if there's no foundational labor of homemaking. In the male-centric framework, your efforts in cooking, cleaning, caregiving are overlooked because they don't fit into the narrow definition of productivity, which prioritizes monetary exchange and economic growth. Just make sure you're not falling into this trap of productivity definition, which might be the case if you feel like you're stuck in a rat race and to get out of that you must consider your work, anything you do, ambitious and productive, because what that does? It turns the fulfillment of your hard work inwards, which means that you can derive meaning from your work based on how you think and feel about it.
Speaker 1:
Right now and we all know through this podcast that our thinking is in our control, especially if we supervise our mind Riot race mentality makes fulfillment dependent on external markers. Sometimes it's validation, sometimes it's products, other times it's the reaching of the quota. Sometimes it's worse than that, especially's the reaching of the quota. Sometimes it's worse than that, especially when that ambition is subconsciously trying to meet societal expectations or to maintain appearances. This is worse because fulfillment is now contingent on other people's opinion, which are always changing. Even if you deliver on your goals to the T, it does not mean that you'll be able to meet other people's expectations. They can just simply change their opinion and this creates a chronic sense of dissatisfaction with the present. Feeling pressured to host a perfect event, with the house looking a certain way and having the perfect ingredients, all leads to stress and exhaustion, a state of a rat race, constantly trying to achieve higher grades, better job titles, more accolades, without ever feeling truly satisfied. All of it is rat race. But if you're hosting a gathering with focusing on enjoying the process and the company rather than achieving perfection, that's fulfillment, satisfaction with the now and achievement of the goal. Or pursuing creative projects, hobbies, community service, because you have learned to enjoy them and your fulfillment is from the process and the outcome is cherry on the top. That's just redefined ambition, all of this tied to fulfillment.
Speaker 1:
I'm asking you to consider what if ambition was personal growth, creative expression, meaningful relationships, contributions to the community environment? What if ambition was also having a floor to ceiling glass office in a high rise? Or you at a modern boardroom table leading high stakes, meeting with influential stakeholders, you receiving an industry award at a prestigious ceremony? What if we expanded the narrow definition of ambition to include what fulfills you today? I encourage you to do that, not only so that you can stop the rat race, but so that you can create your well-being and work on your future goals with your wellness and emotional health intact. Include your dedication to your family, your social ambition, your environmental ambition in this definition.
Speaker 1:
You can have all sorts of ambitions, including health ambition, committing to daily exercise routines, consuming healthy meals. You can have educational ambition online courses, in-person degrees, going to universities, reading books. Financial ambition creating and sticking to a budget, being financially savvy, investing in the stock market, real estate or businesses of your choice, creating passive incomes. You can have a home improvement ambition taking on DIY projects painting a mural, organizing and decluttering, making everything more peaceful and functional. You can have a social ambition your ongoing conscious effort to reconnect with friends or strengthening existing relationships. Ambition can also be creative dedicating time to a hobby painting, writing, social media channels, other creative outlets.
Speaker 1:
What about travel ambition? If you plan a short weekend getaway, if you plan an international trip, local attractions plan a short weekend getaway. If you plan an international trip, local attractions, cultural events that you keep an eye on and you follow. You can have a family ambition Make a cautious effort to spend quality time each day with your family, creating and maintaining unique family traditions. What about self-care ambition? Practicing mindfulness, meditation, taking time out to take care of yourself. Maybe it's a relaxing bath or time away or a hobby to unwind or recharge. You could simply have a skill building ambition, where you're just practicing a new skill because you want to learn new things. Maybe it's cooking, mastering different cuisines, maybe it's taking up a new sport like tennis, swimming, rock climbing. What if you have a pet care ambition? Spending a dedicated time training and playing with your pet, volunteering at animal shelters because animal care is your ambition. Community engagement attending town meetings, joining local committees, going to neighborhood events. A gardening ambition? A stamp collection ambition? There are so many.
Speaker 1:
My personal favorite is work-life balance ambition. I get to set clear boundaries to ensure my time both at work and personal life are separate. I schedule regular breaks to help me recover from a tough day of work. What I'm trying to say is that you can literally create any type of ambition something that brings you fulfillment now and helps you grow in the future. A political or a social ambition, where you're focusing on creating change through social channels. Political channels You're running for office yourself. You're an activist campaigning for social justice. Technological ambition innovating and advancing technology.
Speaker 1:
Another one of my favorite ones is experiential ambition Collecting, enriching life experiences, not necessarily pictures of them, not necessarily social media posts of them, but just creating memories, creating deep experiences through my senses of touch, taste, smell, trying new activities, traveling, adventure and exploration. This happens to be my favorite ambition and yes, you're right, I totally made that up Because it gives me fulfillment in the moment, because what my brain wants to do by default is pass judgment on being an experiential person. But I tell myself I am an experientially ambitious person and the brain immediately drops the rat race. And the restlessness, intellectual ambition of gaining knowledge, flow of ideas, attending conferences, staying up to date with recent developments, academic research, philosophical debates, subscribing to scholarly articles, just pushing the boundaries through thought and understanding All of that can be your ambition. You can have a philanthropic ambition donating money, supporting your or other charitable organizations.
Speaker 1:
There are countless ways of creating fulfillment in your ambitions and dropping the rat race. All that matters is how you're training your brain to think about it. There can totally be a rushed rat race energy behind your grocery shopping, or you can make it an ambitious energy, making it a learning process, exploring new ingredients, talking to store employees, considering their recommendations, taking time to discover new recipes. You can have a rushed energy or a fulfilled energy behind anything you do your exercise routine, your cooking dinner routine, helping with the homework, your gardening routine, your hosting, your shopping. You get to define how you want to create your fulfillment, create enhancement, a flourishing development within yourself, because your thoughts are what produces a rat race. The activity that you're engaging in does not do that. And are you a product of today's design? Because when you grow up in a system like today, your brain is molded into thinking of ambition in a certain way and you have to unmold it in a way that helps sustain you.
Speaker 1:
Key differences between rat race and rushed energy is motivation, mindset and the enjoyment of the outcome. In a rat race energy motivation is by external pressures, people's expectations, but in a broader definition of ambition, motivation is by internal desires and personal passions that you get to curate. A rat race mentality is only future oriented, always presently dissatisfied, and the only outcome is burnout, emptiness, strained relationships. But with ambition and fulfillment you have contentment, especially in the present, even if it's your pursuit of personal goals, and it leads to a well-rounded, fulfilling and joyful life. Breaking free from a rat race mentality is about changing how you approach your tasks. You're not just ticking off boxes, but you're living, and as a Muslim woman, you have a power to redefine ambition in a way that aligns with your values and it nurtures your soul, and in a way that's faith-based, and it also means that you can go break a leg in the corporate world, healthcare field.
Speaker 1:
Or space exploration, not because your future satisfaction is dependent on these. But or space exploration, not because your future satisfaction is dependent on these, but because you want to and because you can Think about the warmth of your children's laughter as you explore new foods together, the peace you feel during a moment of prayer. Or satisfaction of hosting friends without the pressure of perfection. Satisfaction of hosting friends without the pressure of perfection. I told you I'm an experiential person. All of these are moments that matter, the moments that define a life well-lived.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to ask you that in the upcoming week, you commit to recognizing what ambitions have you followed with passion already? Where are you going to engage in your work with passion in the future? And it can literally be anything. With that, I pray to Allah SWT. O Allah, guide us to live our lives filled with purpose. Help us to break free from the pressures of our rat race and help us find fulfillment in every moment. O Allah, grant us the strength to pursue our ambitions with love, passion and a deep sense of fulfillment. Surround us with peace and contentment and bless our efforts as we strive to create a world where your creation can flourish. Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, please keep me in your du'as. I will talk to you guys next time.
