Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Stop Ruminating
Can repetitive negative thoughts be rewired for mental peace? In this episode we unpack the concept of rumination and its impact on our mental well-being.
Key characteristics—repetitiveness, passivity, negativity, and self-focus—we explore how these patterns trap us in harmful mental states, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and depression.
Learn practical strategies to supervise and manage your thoughts, ensuring they are constructive rather than destructive. We'll also discuss the energy-draining effects of resisting reality and share effective techniques to observe internal dialogue and imagine different outcomes, helping you break free from the cycle of rumination.
Discover how mindfulness can be a game-changer in overcoming rumination.
By treating an overactive mind like a child in need of comfort, you can foster mental resilience.
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If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
https://www.islamiclifecoachschool.com/appointments
Can repetitive negative thoughts be rewired for mental peace? In this episode we unpack the concept of rumination and its impact on our mental well-being.
Key characteristics—repetitiveness, passivity, negativity, and self-focus—we explore how these patterns trap us in harmful mental states, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and depression.
Learn practical strategies to supervise and manage your thoughts, ensuring they are constructive rather than destructive. We'll also discuss the energy-draining effects of resisting reality and share effective techniques to observe internal dialogue and imagine different outcomes, helping you break free from the cycle of rumination.
Discover how mindfulness can be a game-changer in overcoming rumination.
By treating an overactive mind like a child in need of comfort, you can foster mental resilience.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
https://www.islamiclifecoachschool.com/appointments
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Atar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you. Today we're going to talk about rumination how and why to stop it?
Speaker 1:Rumination is a psychological term referring to the process of continuously thinking about the same thoughts, typically negative and distressing, without ever reaching a solution or taking any action. This repetitive and passive focus of the problem and reliving the problem causes for it to grow and the negative feelings associated with it, because all of your feelings are caused by your thoughts and all rumination is are repetitive thoughts Causes increased level of stress, anxiety, depression. So some of the key characteristics of rumination are repetitiveness, passivity, negativity and self-focus. So repetitiveness is the same thoughts that cycles over and over again in the mind. Passivity is the opposite of problem solving, which is dwelling on the same issue without seeking a solution or taking any constructive action. There's a huge difference between rumination and problem solving. You might think to yourself that I have to think about the situation just so I can find a problem, and that I am problem solving, when in reality, you're just ruminating. The other characteristic is the hyper-focus on negativity negative experiences, emotions, negative outcomes, thinking of each situation in a negative light, which creates the downward spiral of mood and mental health. And then there's self-focus, which involves a high degree of negative self-reflection, creating more flaws and mistakes and shortcomings, and hyper-focusing on the problems. So obviously, rumination is particularly harmful because it keeps you stuck in a loop of negative thinking, it prevents you from moving forward and it will exacerbate any mental health issues. When you ruminate, you're recycling the same thoughts, which intensifies the negative feelings.
Speaker 1:Rumination is mental and emotional labor, although it is an unseen labor. It not only goes unpaid and unrewarded, it actually ends up harming you more than it helps, and this relentless focus on negativity will lead to a variety of emotional states and emotional and physical harm. It will increase the hopelessness and the helplessness, and all of this is a core component of depression. You will have a tendency to obsess over your pain and that way you reinforce neural pathways that are associated with all of those negative emotions, makes it easier for your brain to default to those emotions next time a similar situation arises. It's through your practice of rumination in your brain is why a slightest argument with your spouse arises. All of the previous feelings, Something that happened 10 years ago, comes to the surface of your mind because it's been well practiced in the moments of silence, of rumination, which all leads to predictably creating the same patterns in the future. All of this highlights why you need to stop ruminating, and we're going to continue to unfold this in the podcast, but it's also very important of how you're going to stop it, and one of the biggest answers is with supervising your brain, which means actually monitoring and managing your thoughts, slowly becoming masterful at recognizing your feelings and your mental processes. All of it involves being aware of what you're thinking and making sure that your thoughts are constructive rather than destructive. Once you do recognize them. If you want to stop ruminating, your highest priority, most important job is overseeing your mental activity, and all of this implies that, after you observe them, you can change the quality of your thoughts, because your thoughts affect your actions and your decisions through your emotions.
Speaker 1:One of the bigger signs of rumination is arguing with reality, which just means that you're resisting or denying the facts as they are. You're only seeing circumstances in a negative light and you're wishing things were different than they are, in which case you'll very often find shooting yourself. It should have been this way. It should have gone that way. I should have acted differently. I should have taken a different decision. They should not have said this. They should have conducted themselves differently. All of this is going to be a source of frustration and dissatisfaction, and you're going to be doing it only in your head, even if you're not expressing your resistance out loud, you'll be mentally fighting against reality and it will consume your energy and it constantly affects your mood and at this level, it requires your involvement of observing the internal dialogue. Ask yourself am I replaying the events that happened at such and such time? And if you do find yourself doing that, then ask yourself what resources do I have in this moment to imagine a different outcome rather than dwelling on how things should be or should have been?
Speaker 1:So imagine a friend who likes to create boundaries around her, and you happen to be her friend and she says don't be late. If you are, don't come. If you do come late, I won't hang out with you, and if we're going somewhere together, I'll leave without you. She says all of those things and you start ruminating over this, thinking endlessly about what she said, why she said it, how she said it, how rude it was and she should have not said it. You replay this conversation in your mind, on the surface judging the friend, but secretly wondering why she did that and, if there's something wrong with you, why she set such a strict rule around you.
Speaker 1:It's a possibility that rumination will lead you to feel hurt. You will question if they think you're unreliable or disrespectful, or you will just end up imagining that she is disrespectful as the extension of it. As you lie in bed, you will lose your sleep, unable to stop thinking about it, imagining different scenarios where you were possibly late in the past and trying to imagine with vivid clarity how your friend acted in those cases. And you'll argue with reality, wishing she hadn't set that boundary or wishing you had the strength to just tell them how uncomfortable that statement made you feel. You will start to worry about the next time you'll see that friend thinking what if I'm late again? Will she leave without me? Will she stop being my friend because of this? All of these are effects of rumination, in which case the situation might not be as bad as your rumination makes it feel. You might have the tendency to continue to ask these fruitless questions in the name of trying to find a solution. But you never will arrive at a solution other than continuous depression and sadness and anxiety about your friendship.
Speaker 1:And instead of finding a solution, you'll be stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and what-ifs, arguing with the reality of your friend's boundary without addressing it directly or constructively. And of course this will have you trapped in worry and stress, preventing you from moving forward or resolving the issue. Or let's imagine you are the one who set the boundary and you say to your friend don't be late. If you are, don't come. If you do come late, I won't hang out with you. If we're going somewhere together, I will leave without you.
Speaker 1:If you've had the clarity to set this boundary with love, rumination will not be the consequence. But if you're trying to set this boundary because you think you can control your friend's actions, then rumination will absolutely be the consequence. After you set this boundary, you will start to ruminate over it, thinking about how your friend's going to feel, how you might have hurt your friend's feelings. You will replay the conversation in your mind over and over again, wondering if you were too harsh or if your friend understood your rule at all in the first place, or if she understood why you set this rule in the first place, and then, as you might, lie in bed, lose sleep over this, unable to stop thinking about the potential fallout, how this is going to break your friendship. You will be imagining all of the different scenarios where your friend has been late and how you're justified in enforcing this boundary. In rumination, you'll argue with reality, saying how she should never be late and how she should follow your instructions. All of the shoulds and the rumination is what will create the fallout in your friendship, not the boundary creation. You will also worry about the next time you see your friend, thinking what if they take it the wrong way? How am I gonna start to have a conversation with them? Am I being unreasonable? This rumination is what will lead to the feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, making you second-guess your decisions, and this is what adds to your inability to hold boundaries.
Speaker 1:In case of rumination, the best gift you can give yourself is to observe that you're ruminating and not to react to those thoughts, because you are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, you're not your emotions, you're not your mental activities. All of this does not define your true self. The mind is a tool that generates your thoughts. Your body is what experiences the feelings, and the mind and the body together creates the conscious and the subconscious self, but either one of them is not the essence of who you are. You are not the intense emotions that you're feeling. That rumination is creating for you. You are not even the rumination is creating for you. You are not even the rumination that you're creating. You are not the thoughts. You are one pure soul that was created by Allah SWT and a function of that soul is observing these thoughts.
Speaker 1:Modern meditation philosophy will tell you you are not your thoughts and you are not your feelings. You're the observer of your thoughts, but I don't think that's accurate in Islam. In the light of Islam, you are the pure soul that was created by Allah SWT and placed in your body. You are not your thoughts. You're not your feelings. You are someone who has the capacity to observe these thoughts and feelings, but your ultimate identity is the soul who has that capacity to observe your mental activities. Your emotions do not define your true self, and the mind that consciously observes these thoughts and feelings is a tool that is a function of your soul. Your mind, observing or not, creating thoughts and emotions or not is not the essence of who you are.
Speaker 1:I want to emphasize that the act of observation of your thoughts and feelings is also not what truly defines you. That is not the entirety of your being. While observing your thoughts is extremely important, that is not the ultimate definition of your existence. Again, you are a pure soul that witnessed Allah SWT. All of this implies that your true self is pure and unchanging. That is the essence. That is directly from Allah, and this is distinct from your mind and body. This is what embodies your deepest and most authentic nature. This is, if you're trying to create a self-loving environment, makes it easy to love yourself.
Speaker 1:Observing your thoughts and feelings and helping you to pluck out the moments of rumination is one of the highest functions of your soul. This is the highlight and one of the most important roles of your highest being Observing your mind. Without getting entangled in its activities, and by observing the mind, the soul can maintain a state of awareness and detachment. And all of this to recognize thoughts and emotions without identifying too closely with them, just so you can help stop the cycle of rumination. This is what encourages you for a deeper understanding and self-awareness of your spiritual identity. All of this is to suggest that, while your mind and its activities are a part of your essence, a part of your experience, your true self is the pure soul that can not only observe these tendencies but transcend these mental processes. This entire picture is an immense blessing from Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, because this is what helps us create a sense of inner peace and clarity, allowing for you to experience life from a place of greater detachment and insight, just so you don't live the life of default rumination, but you actually create your life, supervise your brain. That is your key to stopping rumination.
Speaker 1:Your most important job is to oversee your thoughts. I once designed and ordered a custom-made dress for a conference, and when it was time for me to wear it, I thought it looked like a bathrobe and it sounded like a true observance, but I imagined this to be a thought. As it turned out, it was. I recognized that I didn't have to believe it and I chose not to believe it, and I wore the dress anyways, and it worked out. It was. I recognized that I didn't have to believe it and I chose not to believe it, and I wore the dress anyways, and it worked out so well. I received so many compliments and I was featured on the conference's website.
Speaker 1:You always have the possibility available to you of disregarding a thought, but that can only happen after you observe it to be a thought. If you have an overactive, ruminating mind, you will rarely feel peaceful because your thoughts is what causes your feelings. And to help stop this, you can observe your ruminating mind to be a child who needs attention. Imagine your overthinking mind as a dramatic child who is in need of comfort. You can just lovingly hush your thoughts, like you would a child, embracing them, providing them comfort. Take your mind and provide it comfort by saying everything's okay, you are safe, and if you're able to provide yourself a sense of peace and safety, you will notice your mind will begin to quiet, just like a child. Safety you will notice your mind will begin to quiet just like a child.
Speaker 1:For most of us, despite of living in the most comfortable environment, we experience an immense suffering and unhappiness. This is because your primal mind is given a lens to keep you alive through fear. It will create endless scenarios to worry about, especially when your basic needs are met, like food, water, shelter. And this constant thinking is what leads to suffering. But, like we mentioned, you are not your mind. You are observing your mind through a function of being a pure soul. This ability of observation is what holds the key to alleviate suffering. Your primary requirement and need here is to learn to rise above your mind.
Speaker 1:Many of your thoughts occur naturally, not because you consciously choose them, but because that's how your mind operates by default, understanding that you're not always in control of these thoughts. They happen automatically. But also similarly liberating is that you don't have to believe them. When your mind tells you negative things like I'm a failure, ask yourself if you would ever say that to a child your child or to a friend. If the answer is no, then recognize that it's your subconscious mind. Your nafs talking, and you have the ability to break free from this loop.
Speaker 1:If you're at work and you make a small mistake during a presentation, immediately your default mind will flood you with thoughts like I'm terrible at this or everyone must think I'm incompetent. These thoughts arise without your conscious choice. They are automatic. Their response is rooted in your self-doubt and fear originating from your naxie self Recognizing that these thoughts are not a deliberate choice, but are present regardless. They are the default subconscious reactions. This is what helps you step back, observing them and detaching from them and not believing them at all. And to transcend these automatic thoughts, you start by questioning them. When your mind tells you I'm terrible at this. Consider also asking am I truly terrible or is my mind exaggerating? What are the good things that I did in this presentation? Did I prepare enough? Could I prepare more? Did I get any positive feedback? What were my strengths here? Asking questions constructively will lead you to solve a problem.
Speaker 1:Rumination will keep you stuck in a negativity loop. You will find answers that support you and you will have the option of reminding yourself of your strengths once you've observed your rumination and disregarded it, and just by doing this you will see the irrationality of your negative self-talk. And this is the practice that will help you understand that you can detach from this thought, and an ongoing practice like this will make it a new habit. This is the practice that will help you understand that these thoughts are not truths and you will develop different and healthier habitual patterns of your mind. But give it time. Just like rumination has taken its toll on you over time, developing healthier habitual patterns will also happen over time, just like rumination has taken its toll on you over time. Developing healthier habitual patterns will also happen over time. Engaging in mindfulness, slowing down a moment enough to create space between you and your thoughts this is the practice that allows you to observe your thoughts as they arise and pass, without getting caught up in them, like you might visualize your thoughts as clouds drifting across the sky, acknowledging their presence but not letting them define your reality.
Speaker 1:The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said the strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer. While there is good in both, guard what benefits? You seek help from Allah and do not get frustrated If something befalls. You do not say if only I had done something else. Rather say Allah has decreed what he wills Indeed. Saying if opens the way to the work of shaitan. Reported in Suhaib Muslim, this hadith directly points out how much, when you are creating sentences of what should have been, how much that state actually hurts you, remembering that you are not your thoughts. You are a powerful presence that has an awareness that can observe these thoughts.
Speaker 1:By consistently practicing mindfulness and reverting it to some level of positive self-talk, you have a chance of breaking free from rumination. In this cycle, you have a chance at creating more of a peaceful self and an empowered state of mind. I will remind you that all mental work is labor. Rumination is also labor and it is so much more work than any level of conscious interruption of rumination that you can ever create with your thoughts. If you find yourself in rumination and you have to pause, observe and redirect, I understand that that's work, but it is a lot less work than constantly ruminating, being depressed over your life situations and then having to clean up after all of the mess that this rumination creates. Rumination always creates more mental work for you and the cleanup that rumination costs that will always leave you with mental work overload.
Speaker 1:Rumination creates psychological wounds. It amplifies what might have been a difficulty or a test in your life, but rumination makes it larger than what it actually was. Through psychological wounds, you will tend to draw people in who have similar emotional scars as your own. This is because you will resonate with them more and you understand and you share experiences with them more, especially if those experiences are rooted in your trauma and your pain. If you struggle with the feelings of inadequacy and rumination keeps you stuck there, you will find yourself surrounded by friends and chosen family members who also struggle with self-doubt in some way or another.
Speaker 1:These relationships are formed on a subconscious level of mutual understanding, a bond of relationship created in a subconscious mutual understanding of self-doubt and negativity and inadequacy. Your thoughts, as you work through your issues and you develop healthier patterns of thinking and especially your behaviors, you will find that some people in your life will remain stuck where they are and you might grow past them. They might not be ready to move on and move forward at the same pace as you, but that is not going to be your problem. The situation might become challenging if you feel a sense of guilt or responsibility of leaving them behind or having to carry them with you, but you have a better chance of creating healthier bonds in the same relationships once you have healed, because those bonds will not be based on inadequacy. They will be based on healthier self-development patterns. What will heal is that in these relationships, you will not be constantly focusing on and discussing your problems and issues. You will not be adding more fuel to the fire. You will not be making your problems more significant and larger than they are. You will not be having every conversation that revolves around your problems. You will stop making your problems insurmountable, and that's what's going to get reinforced in your relationships, making these relationships healthier.
Speaker 1:So the next time you set boundaries through negative self-talk, watch it if it was a leaf on a stream or a cloud in the sky. Let it pass without reacting to it or disturbing it. Only engage in it with observation and mindfulness. This is a simple technique that will help you let go of rumination instantly. Then you will be on the path of evolution of your mind Because, despite of modern comforts, the mind only works to create endless scenarios of worry to keep you on the edge, to keep you alive. The default mind is not designed to keep you happy unless you evolve through it. Constantly thinking about your problems grows them and it will lead to depression. But once you've made yourself aware of rumination and its effects especially through this podcast and its effects, especially through this podcast it's time for you to evolve. Implement moment-to moment change, especially when you find yourself in rumination. An overactive mind will rarely feel peaceful. But learning to quiet your mind and imagining it as a dramatic child who needs love and comfort, that will heal you from inside out. You can accept boundaries set by others. You can set your own boundaries around others that are created from love, all without losing sleep or ruminating over negative thoughts. After this, you're going to become better and better at non -reaction to your thoughts, and this is the best gift you can give yourself Observe the thoughts and choose not to believe them if it doesn't serve you.
Speaker 1:This is transcending the nafs. This is to say that you're transcending your default thoughts, and I believe this is the work we are sent on earth to do, because only after this transcendence lies the remembrance of Allah in His true essence. When you have learned with practice that you are not your thoughts, you are a pure soul who can observe these thoughts, then remembrance of Allah becomes the default. Worship becomes fulfilling in a way it's supposed to be for a human Recognizing that you are not your thoughts. This understanding will alleviate suffering, because this is that the root cause of the majority of human suffering.
Speaker 1:By transcending the mind and learning to observe without engagement, you reduce the impact of rumination on your mental health. The more you ruminate, the more you dwell on your problems, the more entrenched they become in your mind, creating a snowball effect. The solution lies with observing them, interrupting them and remembering Allah with everything or anything positive in your life, being grateful, or maybe just reminding yourself that you have a mind to observe it, to observe the problems, and that alone is the greatest blessing of all to observe the problems, and that alone is the greatest blessing of all. With that I pray to Allah. Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Speaker 1:O Allah the most merciful and compassionate, I turn to you in my moments of worry and distress. Grant me the strength to rise above my negative thoughts and protect me from the traps of rumination. Fill my heart with your peace and my mind with your clarity. Guide me to observe my worries without becoming entangled in them, and help me see only the wisdom in your decrees. O Allah, when I find myself in rumination, let me interrupt it with your remembrance. Replace rumination in my heart with your constant remembrance, o Allah, and make it a source of strength in my life. Ameen, ya Rabbul A'lamin, please keep me in your du'as. I will talk to you guys next time.