Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Body Image
What if loving your body, regardless of its imperfections, could transform your confidence and self-worth, especially in relationships?
Join me in this milestone 200th episode of the Islamic Life Coach School Podcast as I tackle the profound topic of body image and self-love.
I talk about the emotional and psychological challenges women face regarding body image, particularly after significant life events like childbirth, surgeries, or illnesses.
Learn about the harmful impact of low body image on relationships and the necessity of internal validation and self-acceptance. In this episode I emphasize that true empowerment comes from within, and I discuss how fostering a healthy self-image allows women to appreciate genuine acts of love and kindness from others.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Atar. Hello, hello, hello, everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:Alright, it's time to buckle up, because this is my 200th episode, alhamdulillah, and today I'm coming to you with another powerful topic In the celebration of this 200th episode. If this podcast has helped you, please keep me in your draws and please consider leaving a review on the podcast platform of your choice so other people can find this message. Today, I want to talk to you about something so powerful that I'm gonna, ahead of time, ask you to hold on to your seats, hold on to your coffee cups, hold on to your hijabs or whatever you've got to, because this one is about to blow your mind in the best way possible. Of course, I want you to become familiar with that feeling when the brain's like whoa, what just happened? And this is the magic we're going to create today. What happens when you shine a spotlight on hidden beliefs and start to question them, and suddenly your brain feels like it's doing some wild gymnastics, trying to juggle old beliefs while entertaining something completely new at the same time. That is a state of cognitive dissonance and a state of pure joy for myself. If I do say so, cognitively speaking, the feeling of my brain breaking is my favorite feeling. I love creating cognitive dissonance for myself, releasing the old, the stale, the unhelpful, and entertaining the new and eventually adopting something healthy and helpful. When you start to love that feeling, that's when you have dropped the judgment for yourself for carrying old beliefs. That's when you've dropped into love for yourself as a human. And it's human nature to carry biases, to carry blind spots. So nothing new.
Speaker 1:When hidden, subconscious beliefs come into view through coaching, that's not the space to judge yourself. That's the place to actually celebrate yourself, because through this process you get to create an expanded, much more inclusive life, a life of striving, a life of ihsan inshallah. Sometimes the healthy and the helpful beliefs are new and sometimes they're still old, but also healthy, or the same old beliefs in a new light. You don't always have to adopt new beliefs to help yourself towards mental and emotional fitness. The belief that novelty is the only way to create mental health is rather unfounded and really just unnecessary at time. You can totally create a beneficial life with old beliefs. You don't have to change all of your old beliefs, just the ones that get in your way. A point here is that learn to love your state of holding two contrasting beliefs and you will be set inshallah. And my job here as a coach is to make this brain breaking, feeling this cognitive dissonance, enjoyable for you, so that you can love creating your change rather than guilt yourself through it, because guilt does not feel enjoyable at all.
Speaker 1:So, all right, today's powerful topic is about body image. We're talking about where your body is at, what you think about it and how those thoughts are shaping your life. And why is this work on body image so important? I want to break it down for you guys. You might be thinking I don't need body image work. I just need to figure out how to tell my future spouse that I have belly fat, stretch marks or blemishes. Well, my friend, sorry to break it to you, but that right, there is exactly body image work and that's exactly what it's about.
Speaker 1:The thing is, if you love your body, truly loved it cellulite, blemishes and all then, number one, the thought of disclosing those things wouldn't even cross your mind. It wouldn't feel like something you need to mention because, honestly, it wouldn't be a big deal to you. It would be a total non-issue, something so insignificant that it wouldn't even make it onto your radar of the things to tell my future spouse. And number two if you did decide to bring it up, it would come from a place of confidence and empowerment. You'd be standing firm in the fact that your worth isn't tied to smooth skin or flat stomach. You'd be saying hey, it's me, I love my body, I'm complete, worthy, with cellulite and all. When you're fully confident in your body, your thoughts about it are on a completely different level. You're not nitpicking or apologizing for natural things. Instead, you're embracing everything with self-love, strength, knowing that your body is beautiful just as it is. No disclaimers needed.
Speaker 1:Your body image is the running dialogue you have in your head about your body, the silent language that you've memorized and replayed, often without realizing it. Your body, on the other hand, is a neutral, unchanging fact. It's constant. There are thoughts like my love handles are getting out of control, I wish I was a little taller, or what's my husband going to think of my belly. That language is body image. That's the well-rehearsed script you've written over time and it plays on a loop in your mind. The body isn't the issue, it's the story that you tell yourself about. It is you have a body, a factual reflection you see in the mirror, and then you have your thoughts about that reflection. All of that makes up the body image.
Speaker 1:Now let's say your potential future spouse says something like beauty is really important to me. Immediately, if you don't have a good body image, your mind will jump to the conclusion that he won't find my body attractive. He won't find me beautiful Because that's what you've believed about your body and that's what you think is factually true. The hidden, rehearsed language about your body has only been detrimental so far. But just pause for a second.
Speaker 1:With his words, beauty is really important to me. He's not necessarily saying that I don't find you beautiful. That's an extension of your own mind. That's not his words. You're assigning that meaning to his statement because of the way you view your body, not because of how he perceives it. Or you come to me and say that my husband hints I liked your body before we had kids. Ouch, right, that has a potential of hurting. But again, the sting of that comment comes from the story you've internalized about your worth and your body's worth. If you're carrying insecurities about post-baby changes. That's going to hit harder. But if you've done the body image work, if you've fully embraced and loved your body in every phase of life, his words will not and cannot carry the same weight. You'll know deep down inside that your worth and beauty are not defined by someone else's opinion, even if that someone else is your husband, and you'll respond from a place of strength and self-love.
Speaker 1:And before I go any further, let's create space for, for emotional safety. I want you guys to take a deep breath, pause if you need to, and even skip the next part if it feels too much for you. Do whatever you need to do to make things easier for yourself. You do not have to listen just because I'm saying it. I'm coming from a place of creating deep, meaningful change for you. Inshallah, and with the highest of intentions, I do not mean to cause harm. May Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, guide me to choose my words correctly and guide you to see the meaning behind these words, even if you do find these examples somewhat triggering. You have the right to choose what's best for you in every moment, and that includes how and when you take this information in. But when you're ready, you have the tool of breathing, as an emotional regulator available to you. I need you to hear me on this.
Speaker 1:It does not matter what shape or type your body is. It does not matter if, literally, maggots are crawling out of it. Yeah, I know that's an extreme image, but stick with me. It doesn't matter if your skin is covered in warts or any other imperfection. The person who is meant to love you, the one who sees you for who you are, will see beyond all of that, believing that this kind of love exists. That is your responsibility. That is body image work, because the first person who needs to recognize your worth beyond any physical flaw is you. Then you get to expect that from someone else, but I personally would never give that responsibility to anyone else.
Speaker 1:Having said that, let's be real. When was the last time you let your body go so neglected that there were warts or maggots? God forbid. The answer is probably never. I know the imagery is intense and I'm sorry for that, but I want you guys to go there for a second, because that's the mind's way of entertaining the worst-case scenario making things seem way worse than they are. Scenario making things seem way worse than they are. So, for the sake of a conversation and this coaching. Let's just lean into it. Let's get really honest about things your mind tells you are quote-unquote unlovable or completely unacceptable about you.
Speaker 1:Maybe you have a diagnosis, maybe there's a surgical scar, or maybe you have a skin condition that causes painful skin infections. Surgical scar or maybe you have a skin condition that causes painful skin infections. Maybe your body is not symmetrical or you struggle with body odor, no matter how diligent you are with your hygiene. Whatever it is, it is easy to think that these are the reasons to hide, to feel less than, but they're not. These things do not diminish your worth or your ability to be loved. They're just a part of your story and, like every story, you have your own beautiful story to tell. The work is in believing that you are worthy exactly as you are. Warts scars, all of the above. Warts scars, all of the above. A diagnosis is like a weight you carry. It's like having an extra load in your backpack as you hike through life as a single woman.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for a spouse, you can't help but fixate of what your potential might think when he learns these things about your body. Whether it's a scar, a condition or anything else, it is very easy to think will anyone ever be able to see past this? Because you'll continue to have doubts like this and they will sound so factual merely because of the fact that you've repeated them so much in your mind. But the load in your backpack, the diagnosis, makes it your responsibility to do the thought work around your body and love it unconditionally. Love isn't about someone liking your flawless body. It's about someone loving you with the backpack and all. And that only happens when you love yourself with the backpack. If you're married, you have different kind of a weight in the backpack.
Speaker 1:Maybe after kids, surgeries, illnesses, your body doesn't look or feel the same, the way it used to. You will catch yourself thinking will my husband still find me attractive or does he miss the body he used to have? Based on your skewed body image, language going unchecked for years, you will believe with great conviction that the love in your marriage is tied to how well you maintain your body. And if that's the reality you're operating under, then that is what you will see. Your brain will disregard every compliment, every act of commitment that your husband is doing and it will pick out the one time he was talking to another sister, and your thoughts will make you believe that he's more attracted to her than me. And the conviction of these stale, old beliefs is where cognitive dissonance is so important, old beliefs about your body that don't serve the greater purpose of your life to find peace, contentment and pleasure in your marriage. You ruminating over what he must be thinking about your body, your thoughts about him are a product of your low body image.
Speaker 1:With a higher, more evolved self-body image, you would stand firm in the foundational belief that his actions are not in your control, but that he is still attracted to you because he can be. Because what's there not to be attractive to Marriage phases, through every scar, every stretch mark, every shift. Phases are not something that define the love that you deserve to receive. Only you define that. And for those women who aren't seeking marriage but still crave assurance, whether it's from friends, family or colleagues, the weight of a diagnosis or a body challenge looks pretty much the same Looking for validation of your body's acceptance from the people around you, hoping they'll affirm that you're okay just as you are, that you're still beautiful and worthy. Most powerful assurance only always comes from within, and when you have that, you can see it in their words of confirmation, their small compliments, their small acts of kindness, holding the door for you or saving you a spot at the work dinner. All of these small actions would hold so much more meaning to you, because you're believing you deserve all of this.
Speaker 1:The weight in your backpack doesn't have to be something you carry with shame or fear. It's simply a part of your journey and it does not make you any less deserving of respect, admiration or love, unless you give it that power. We all have backpacks that we take on a hike called this life, some heavier than others, but let it not define you. It doesn't matter if you're single, married or not interested in a romantic relationship. The journey isn't about how light or heavy your load is. It's about how you carry it. And let me tell you the right people whether it's the right partner, friend, colleague. Let me tell you the right people whether it's the right partner, friend, colleague. They will see you not the weight. They love and respect you not despite of what you carry, but because of how you carry it.
Speaker 1:So don't let a diagnosis, a condition or a body challenge hold you back from believing you're fully worthy, because you already are exactly as you are. Beyond that, you're welcome to disclose any diagnosis that you think a potential needs to know, but don't depend on his reaction to approve your acceptance. That's when you've given your empowerment to another human being. If you have not done the body image work to come to an absolute and complete belief that you're beautiful just as you are, his reaction to your body after marriage, his reaction to your disclosing your diagnosis before marriage all of it is going to become proof of the hurtful truth that your body is not beautiful and therefore you're conclusively unlovable. All of these are stale old beliefs, not truths. If you have not done your body image work, then his words will become proof of what you have always been afraid of. But if you have done the work, then his words will mean absolutely nothing to you. Don't give that power to someone, anyone, even your husband. It's not your husband's job to make you feel accepted. It's your job.
Speaker 1:Don't put so much undue burden on a relationship in your life and always expect the men in your life to ask them to say the right thing. They could always all say the right thing all of the time and you can still make it mean that he called you fat in that dress when he paused to think about his words before he answered. You Don't do that to him. In the context of prospective marriage, there's a major red flag if he takes advantage of your vulnerability and makes a point of telling you what he doesn't like about you. I mean, really take a hike man, I have things to do. But if they do tell you what they don't like, what they would have otherwise preferred, and they have good intentions behind it and plus along with it, you're not ignoring your intuition that this is a red flag, and women ignore their intuition all of the time because of fear of ending up alone or fear that my biological clock is ticking. Let's say you don't have these fears and you do accept his words. Then accept it through your empowerment. That's okay.
Speaker 1:I need to work out to keep my body toned. Maybe I can use pigment correctors to take care of the hyperpigmentation. Maybe I can see my doctor more often or be compliant with the prescribed regimen to take care of my body. You're totally welcome to do that. Do not change your body a circumstance in hopes that they will change their opinion. They will probably not, and even if they do, they will then point out something that will then start to bother you. That will then become the new focus of your obsession. You're allowed to change your body, just not from a skewed body image. Change your body from utter, complete and an unshakable belief that you're beautiful just as you are. I hope all of this broke your brain just enough that the repair will make it stronger.
Speaker 1:Most women, with the social program that's currently going on, are unable to do this work alone. So please make an appointment for a consult, because we do this work in my Empowered Muslim Women program every day. Your investment in my program is worth far more than the money you put in. I promise you that, inshallah. With that, I pray to Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Speaker 1:Ya Allah, al-jameel, the beautiful.
Speaker 1:Al-khaliq, the creator, the creator of all beauty.
Speaker 1:Al-badir, the originator of beauty.
Speaker 1:Al-musawwir, the fashioner, one who forms and shapes everything in perfect proportions and beauty.
Speaker 1:Ya Allah, grant me the clarity to see the worth in the body you have blessed me with.
Speaker 1:Help me embrace every part of myself with love and confidence, knowing that my value comes from you, not from the current standards of beauty.
Speaker 1:Let me see my beauty in its fullness, from my scars to my strengths, and guide me to honor and care for my body, as it is a vessel for my soul. Grant me the means and wisdom to silence the inner dialogue that makes me doubt my worth and replace it with gratitude, peace and strength. Surround me with people who see me for who I am, beyond any physical imperfection, and give me the courage to believe in love and respect I deserve. Ya Allah, if I face judgment from others, allow me to stand firm in the knowledge that I was deemed worthy of creation by you, and if I ever seek validation from others, remind me that the most important acceptance comes from within, through the love and mercy You've placed in my heart. O Allah, may I always walk with confidence, carry my body with dignity and modesty and follow my journey with grace, knowing that your love is the only approval I need. Ameen, ya Rabbul Aalmeen, please keep me in your duas. I will talk to you guys next time.