Imagine feeling completely out of your depth when feeling like you have to live up to speakers such as Lysa TerKeurst and Beth Moore. That's exactly what happened to me, and it led to a pivotal moment of confronting my own imposter syndrome. Join me in this heartfelt episode of as we unpack the complexities of imposter syndrome through personal stories and expert insights.
We'll explore Dr. Valerie Young's concept of the five types of imposter syndrome - from the perfectionist to the soloist - and learn to identify where we might see ourselves in these categories. But more importantly, we'll discuss practical strategies for embracing your self-worth, celebrating your achievements, and leaning on the support of a trusted inner circle as we let go and let God. Let's turn those feelings of inadequacy into stepping stones for a fulfilling life.
Visit www.hollycurby.com for more information and to sign up for the monthly Holly's Happenings e-newsletter. Holly's Highlights podcast and the opinions and ideas shared within it are for entertainment purposes only. The advice should be confirmed with a qualified professional.
Imagine feeling completely out of your depth when feeling like you have to live up to speakers such as Lysa TerKeurst and Beth Moore. That's exactly what happened to me, and it led to a pivotal moment of confronting my own imposter syndrome. Join me in this heartfelt episode of as we unpack the complexities of imposter syndrome through personal stories and expert insights.
We'll explore Dr. Valerie Young's concept of the five types of imposter syndrome - from the perfectionist to the soloist - and learn to identify where we might see ourselves in these categories. But more importantly, we'll discuss practical strategies for embracing your self-worth, celebrating your achievements, and leaning on the support of a trusted inner circle as we let go and let God. Let's turn those feelings of inadequacy into stepping stones for a fulfilling life.
Visit www.hollycurby.com for more information and to sign up for the monthly Holly's Happenings e-newsletter. Holly's Highlights podcast and the opinions and ideas shared within it are for entertainment purposes only. The advice should be confirmed with a qualified professional.
Speaker 1:
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast designed to encourage, inspire and equip you to intentionally live your life full of purpose. I'm your host, holly Kirby, motivational speaker, leadership cultivator, marketing strategist and personal cheerleader. Let's check out today's highlights, wondering how you can be the reason someone smiles today, or what simple act you could do to make a great impact in another's life. Well, here's how. I am in need of 100 book reviews on Amazon for my book Facelift Embracing Hope Through your Heartaches 100 reviews. Would you mind taking a moment to go to Amazon type in Facelift embracing hope through your heartaches, or even go to the link in the show notes and leave a positive review. I so appreciate your time and being that one to make a positive difference in my life today. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:
The other night my son and I took a drive to a little festival in a little city not too far from us and as we were driving I was asking him just questions you know about this or that, just kind of chat along the way and enjoying the drive, when suddenly he started making those deep sigh sounds you can relate with maybe a teenager in your life or another loved one that makes that sound. Well, I looked over at him and he had this look in his eye of complete annoyance. So I asked him what was going on, to only then hear him reply would you please stop talking? Oh, would you please stop talking. That has been the story of my life as a child and all of my parent teacher conferences and on all of my report cards. She's a great girl. She just needs to not talk as much. Even my sister growing up she loved to have sleepovers with me, as she said. I helped her get to sleep by talking her to sleep and still, to this day my whole family even jokes that I don't know how to make a long story short. So I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that I host a podcast or that I'm often asked to speak at various functions and events.
Speaker 1:
Although we tend to do what comes natural to us for me speaking for you perhaps a different area it doesn't mean that we don't struggle with the insecurities, the doubts and even those imposter syndrome blues. Not too long ago, I was asked to speak at a women's conference and they had flown me out to speak and then drive to the conference center, and it was quite a lengthy drive and along the way they were sharing with me how excited that they were to have me there. But, interestingly enough, they continued to share with me that I wasn't their first choice. That's okay, that didn't bother me. I pray, asking God direction as to what speaking opportunities I accept or not, and I had prayed this one through. I had felt God lead me to say yes to this one, so I knew I was where I was supposed to be. However, I was a little curious who their number one choice would have been, so I made the stupid decision to ask. Now, to my surprise, they responded Lisa Turkhurst.
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What I am on no level of Lisa Turkhurst. I mean, she's one I love to listen to and I love to learn from. They continue to tell me that she was already booked and I just wasn't sure I heard the name right. So I asked well, who have you had before that? Oh, my friends, it got worse. Beth Moore, okay, y'all. This is where I should probably let you in on three ladies. I really enjoy learning from Priscilla Shriver, lisa Tergerst and Beth Moore. They obviously had the wrong person. I am not in, nor even trying to be in, those ladies' leagues. Those ladies are all amazing Bible scholars and I am just one single mama who loves the Lord and simply trying to be open to the whole where he leads. I'll go thing. So talk about imposter syndrome 100%.
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Now I got to the hotel and I reached out to my dad and my sister and was like they have the wrong person. I'm following Beth Moore and they wanted Lisa Turkhurst and I was a little freaked out. But their reply back to me was so simple, so sweet and so God-focused of God knows who he chose. He'll use you. How many of you can relate? You feel that talent you've been given is suddenly not enough as a CEO, a leader in your organization, on the sports team you play for or the band you're a part of, in your volunteer role, or even as a parent or grandparent. See, that's the thing is, imposter syndrome is not discriminatory. It can happen to people of all ages, genders, cultures, professions, demographics, as WebMD puts it. You feel you're not as talented or worthy as others believe and you're scared that one day people will realize that.
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Now, according to Dr Valerie Young, there are five types of imposter syndrome. The perfectionist these are the control freaks who need everything perfect and struggle to delegate as they figure if it's going to be done. Right, they have to do it. Then there's the superwoman or superman, and these are the go go go people who struggle to have downtime, or often workaholics, and they feel they need to prove they've earned their title or role by working harder to prove their value. There's the natural genius. These are the ones who feel they should master everything the first time or they've failed Instead of reminding themselves everyone has to learn somehow. They feel shame for not catching on right away, knowing the right answer or achieving that A in class the first time. There's the soloist. These ones work all alone and they don't feel they can ask anyone for help, in fear it would show that they aren't capable of the task at hand. And, of course, the expert. These are your know-it-alls, because if they don't know something, they beat themselves up for it as if they feel like they should have known it. However, it's not necessarily getting it right the first time, naturally, as the genius expects of themselves. No, the expert is constantly seeking to learn more so that they can be an expert in everything, achieve everything, certifications, degrees which of those do you identify with the most?
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An article by Cassioretty in the Harvard Business Review states that one third of young people suffer from imposter syndrome and 70% of everyone else is likely to experience it at some point in their life. Now I thought it was kind of ironic when the Oscar-winning actress Jodie Foster shared in an interview once that she was so afraid that someone would come to her house, knocking on the door and tell her that the award was meant to go to someone like Meryl Streep. Yet in a different interview of her own, meryl Streep actually had her own imposter syndrome, moment sharing that she often questions why anyone would wanna come see her in a movie. Even Michelle Obama admitted in her book tour, as she quoted I still have a little imposter syndrome. It doesn't go away, that feeling that you shouldn't take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is. I mean, come on, you guys, if someone like these two actresses, as well as the former first lady, have doubts about their worth or abilities, who are we to be exempt from the syndrome too?
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So how do we overcome or at least deal with this imposter syndrome, which is sure to present itself at some time? Well, first thing, our mindset. Don't ignore it or try to hide it. Call it what it is. Just as that women's event, I acknowledged I was feeling not enough. Be honest about how you're feeling.
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Once we've acknowledged the feeling, though, we need to then refocus our thoughts of not being enough to the positives within the situation. Perhaps you've been asked by your boss to handle a certain task and you feel you aren't enough. Well, acknowledge the feeling, but then put on the positive of perhaps saying that your boss trusts you enough to give you the said task. To begin with, 2 Corinthians 10.5 tells us to take captive our every thought and make it obedient to Christ. As my dad has always told me, don't ask how to get out of this. Ask what can you get out of this? Be open to learning, to growing and to being used in a new way, even, or especially, when we don't feel we're enough. After all, as Martha Washington believed, the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances. Henry Ford seemed to agree with this sentiment, as he expressed whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
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Oh, the power of the mind, my friend Number two, have an inner circle. These are your go-tos, to not only be vulnerable with in those moments of questioning your value, but they'll be there to provide encouragement, wise counsel, even accountability. Now I'm not talking about the scene from the office where Dwight receives an award and has to give a speech and his boss, michael, who is actually envious of this recognition, poorly advises Dwight about how he can do this, in hopes of Dwight actually making a fool of himself. Now I'm talking about if you have bit off more than you can chew. They're going to be honest in telling you those who, if you need prayer and a little encouragement as you tackle the task that scares you or makes you a little nervous, they'll be in your corner cheering you on because they truly want what's best for you. Now you need to make sure the wise person shows up and not the foolish. This is that group who will huddle around you and be your wise counsel to keep you grounded and make discerning decisions.
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In my book Facelift Embracing Hope Through your Heartaches, we talk in chapter three about having a hurt. I'd encourage you to check that out. Whomever it is, circle yourself around with an inner circle who will help hold you accountable, build you up, provide that wise counsel and be of an encouragement to you. Number three let go and let God. Feeling like we have it all together all the time can be exhausting. It's okay to let go and trust in God for your worth, your value, your being enough. Are you having people over for dinner and you suddenly feel that imposter syndrome as you look around and see a messy house? And you suddenly feel that imposter syndrome as you look around and see a messy house. You are enough, messy house and all. Are you so fearful of making a mistake at work that you struggle with imposter syndrome and being perfect and are almost embarrassed to delegate or ask someone for help?
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Our imperfections and our mistakes could actually be used to help mentor other people, even teach a few lessons in grace, mercy and forgiveness, and delegating that task or asking for help could actually be an opportunity for you to learn something new or even encourage someone else in some way in their own abilities. Once we give ourselves freedom to not have to reach perfection all the time, knowing that there is learning and growing to be had in the process of all of it too, a lot of our weight will subside. Now this doesn't mean we lowered the bar or failed in any way. It's simply a way of doing the best we can with what we've been given, the time we had, the energy allotted for it, the circumstances presented, and then letting go and letting God.
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Psalm 139, 13 through 14 speaks truth to us that you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. God didn't make a mistake in creating you exactly as he did. God didn't make a mistake in creating you exactly as he did. Then, 2 Corinthians 5.17 reminds us. Philippians 4.13 assures us I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. You can do hard things, my friend. Where he calls you, he will equip you. Still not convinced, pray James 5.16 tells us it's powerful and effective.
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My sister and I have a saying. It is what it is. Yes, I'm sure you've heard that one before, but it's a way for us to remind each other to accept things as they are sometimes, to take all of those hidden expectations, the fears of failures and inadequacies not being enough and self-doubt, to not worry so much about what others are thinking or saying about us Because, truth be told, my friends, they aren't thinking as much about us as we think that they are. So to take it all as it is, to trust that if God brought us to it, he'll bring us through it. To do our best but then to let go and let go on. And number four celebrate the wins.
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So often we can downplay our achievements to ensure we stay humble or to avoid the attention being on us, or simply because we've moved on to the next task. As you can tell, I love movies, so another example I'll use is that of Emma Watson. She seems to relate with her example of when she receives recognition for her acting. She shared in an interview once. I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I tend to turn in on myself. I feel like an imposter. Any moment someone's going to find out that I'm a total fraud and I don't deserve any of what I've achieved. An article on topmentalgamecom on self-talk by the numbers shares the alarming facts of the average person having 80,000 thoughts per day and up to 80% of those being negative. Oh, but they get worse, up to 95% of them being repetitive. 80,000 thoughts per day, 80% of those being negative and up to 95% of them being repetitive, with a tendency to gravitate toward negatives. We need all the positives stored in us and around us as possible.
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So next time you finish that project at work, take a moment to celebrate that you accomplished it on time. Maybe print out that email from your boss telling you how impressed he or she was. Did you just have a really good one-on-one with one of your team members? Take a moment to reflect on your contribution to the success of that meeting. If someone tells you what a great job you did on this or that or that they are grateful to have you on the team, don't dismiss it. Thank them for the compliment and let that run over you for a moment, just to soak in that win, to motivate you going forward, inspire you the next time you come upon that imposter syndrome feeling, or even encourage you that you are enough. I have a basket full of cards I've received throughout the years and I keep them to just ever so often pull out one and read it. It just encourages me in one way. The other day I received an email from a reader of a paper I write for, where they were expressing their appreciation and application of an article of mine. Now I screenshotted that email and I keep it in a file on my computer to encourage me when my imposter syndrome hits. I've done the same for some positive reviews I've seen posted about my book and even about this very podcast.
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Whether an attaboy, treating yourself to a mani-pedi, or going out with friends or colleagues to lunch, maybe even just simply keeping mementos, like I do, of those wins. Celebrate the wins Now. As for me, with that women's conference, it went great. As I flew home, I just couldn't help but feel so fulfilled with gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to take part in such an opportunity, the conversations, the worship, the heart's unbidden need before the Lord. There was no doubt in my mind that God had me there for a reason, and don't get me wrong, as Ephesians 2, 8 through 9 declares, for it is by grace you've been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourself. It is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. I don't boast in anything or anyone but Him, but I was reminded through this experience of 1 John 4, 4,. Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world. Imposter syndrome yeah, I can relate. I've been there before and I'll be there again. But when it comes, might we both be minded of our mindset, reach out to our inner circle, let go and let God and then celebrate those wins Still feel like you need a little help in this area, why I recommend the book Now Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham, where you'll develop your unique talents and strengths and how to best use them and even to grow them.
Speaker 1:
And of course, we have many related episodes here on Holly's Highlights podcast. In season two, you'll find four tips to having a grateful heart episode seven. Purpose in our path episode 13,. Overcoming inferiority episode 17,. And how to have an attitude of gratitude episode 26. In season three, there's 10 tips to having unshakable confidence episode nine. Five must reads for personal growth and development Episode 11,. And how to Be Thankful this Thanksgiving Episode 24. In Season 4, there's how to Self-Love in Episode 3,. 10 Things Learned on the Job, in Episode 24. And then Season 5 has a few also Emotional Intelligence, which is Episode 1, how to Intentionally Live your Life Full of Purpose, in Episode 6,. And Professional Growth Lessons from the Field to the Office episode seven.
Speaker 1:
I'll close with a pep talk from Lady Gaga on Goodreads, where she says tonight, I want you to forget all your insecurities Tonight, I want you to reject anyone or anything that has made you feel like you don't belong or don't fit in, or has made you feel like you're not good enough or pretty enough or thin enough, or like you can't sing well enough or dance well enough or write a song well enough, or like you'll never win a Grammy, or like you'll never sell out Madison Square Garden. You just remember that you are a superstar and you were born this way. So, my friend, imposter syndrome, don't let it have its hold on you. If you're called to it, go confidently, walk your way through it. I believe in you, my friend.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for joining me on this journey of life. I hope that today's highlight has been encouraging, inspiring and equipping so you can go out and live your life full of purpose. I'd be honored if you'd take a moment to leave a review or, better yet, subscribe. We can also stay in touch by joining my email list at hollykirbycom. That's H-O-L-L-Y-C-U-R-B-Ycom. Until next time, make it a great day for a great day.
