Kathie's Coaching Podcast

186.Bullying in the Workplace | What you MUST Know

• Kathie Owen

Share episode

Send us a text

🔗Links for today’s episode:

In today's episode:
Overcoming Workplace Bullying and Embracing Personal Power

The speaker shares their personal journey of dealing with workplace bullying, which led to their firing under allegations of 'theft of time'.

Diagnosed with complex PTSD in 2006, they gained what they describe as a 'superpower' that allows them to understand people’s communication, identifying body language and intentions effectively.

Despite expressing their concern to HR about the toxic work environment and trying to implement positive changes, the speaker faced harassment for speaking out. Reflecting on past traumas and drawing parallels with previous experiences in their personal life, they highlight how this diagnosis has increased their resilience and emotional intelligence. By reframing their firing as a resignation, they embrace the opportunity to pursue more fulfilling work that aligns with their values and skills.

The narrative concludes with reflections on power dynamics in the workplace and personal empowerment, urging others to prioritize emotional intelligence and empathy.

Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction to Workplace Bullying 
00:58 Personal Experience with Bullying 
02:49 HR and Social Media Surveillance 
04:39 Confrontation and Repercussions 
07:23 Understanding Bullying Dynamics 
08:46 Impact on Personal Life 
13:34 Lack of Recognition and Support 
20:15 Excitement Turns to Condescension 
21:00 Facing Condescending Management 
21:57 Connecting the Dots of Bullying 
23:06 The Final Straw 
23:45 The Aftermath of Speaking Up 
25:03 Realizing the Extent of Harassment 
26:13 The Unexpected Termination 
27:51 Reflecting on the Experience 
31:11 The Impact on Family 
32:25 Embracing Resilience and Power 
36:13 A New Perspective 
38:30 Final Thoughts and Farewell

Today, we're going to talk about something near and dear to my heart, and that is bullying in the workplace and something I strive to make sure does not happen. To you or to me. In 2006, I was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. This diagnosis left me with a super power, and that is understanding people's communication. The way they act the way their body language is, because I had to know these things just to survive with anybody around me. And. My experience with that was it left me with this superpower. That can identify bullying. Like. Uh, Hawk finds. Food. I have the vision of that. And recently. As you probably can tell and notice my energy has completely shifted. But it was only after I experienced bullying in the workplace. Yes. I was fired, but I look at it as I resigned. And so when I say I resigned, I'm just tweaking the words a tad. And here's why. I did the pruning shears of revision as Neville Goddard talks about. And I just revised it in my mind with some of my mentors, with some of my coaches. And we decided that that was the most positive way for me to. Deal with the. Trauma. Because it was a very traumatic experience. I was actually bullied. Out of my job. It broke my heart. And it's funny because I was told I was just a fitness instructor and that's all they wanted. And here's, what's funny about that. Almost every night since I've left, I've had dreams that I sneak back into my job. And actually. Start training people that I worked with almost every night. And then I also get in trouble by HR and the VP who fired me. For being on campus. It cracks me up because that is why I was fired was because they were saying I wasn't doing my job. They actually said there was theft of time. Hey, you know what they were right. There was theft of time. Let's talk about that. So the theft of time to place, because let, let's backtrack just a tad. Okay. Let's go back to August. August 25th. Of 2024. If you're watching this many years in the future. What happened was HR started stalking my social media. They found one of my videos where I kind of talked bad about my manager. In this video because my manager had specifically told me. Over the years of me being there, I was there 11 and a half years. If not longer, almost 12 years in January would have been 12 years. It cracks me up me up. So I called her out and I said, you know, my manager says if it was up to her, I wouldn't be there. She's my manager had asked, specifically told my team members that I don't do anything at work. One of the only times I cried at work was when I was told that. What do I do? What. It's funny to me now. But it hurt. It hurt bad. Okay. So HR was stalking my social media. They found my YouTube video where I said that they sent it to the vice-president and I got reprimanded for the video. Because I was talking about the company in a bad light. This was in August of 2024. And. I had to sign a piece of paper that said if I did it again, or if I got caught doing this, I would be terminated. Okay. I don't know it. I was like, okay, whatever. In my mind, I was thinking. I was helping the company become a better place. Okay, let's go back to my diagnosis of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I am an expert in communication. I can understand people's eye contact. I can understand people's body language. And I teach this as well. And they didn't utilize my superpower. In fact, it intimidated them. So it's why I call out people like Amy Porterfield. Some of my blog posts that I write about Amy Porterfield and I'll link them in the show notes and description below are extremely popular because I call out Amy Porterfield's. Tactics on marketing. She calls it online. Marketing made easy. I call it online marketing made sleazy. Okay. There's that? So the bullying that took place in the workplace was horrendous. And in that month, So I resigned from my job in September, just a month after that video was released. So HR started stalking my social media. They went to my LinkedIn profile. They went to my website. And they found where I had a calendar where I could book appointments. And it was on company time. But at the same time, I was just a fitness instructor. So the VP called me. I was just a fitness instructor. In my mind, I thought I was helping the company become a better culture, a better workplace. And I was applying my knowledge and expertise of corporate wellness. And I was thinking in my mind, I was doing this just for them. I was doing this for them because I, I knew I made an impact. And how did I know that? Because I was coaching people, I was working with people. I was training people. I was hearing the trenches of the culture. What was going on inside there? It's almost like I was an undercover boss. I had the best interest of the company at heart. At heart. And that was something that HR needed to do. But they didn't have any trust inside the company. People did not trust them. Because they did bullying. I, so at firsthand, Inside the culture. And now I can talk about it because now. I don't have the 40 hour a week job. That I'm supposed to represent. It's funny because I was fired for the very thing. That they needed. It blows my mind. So let's go back to the bullying. Why am I an expert at bullying? All of my life. I had been bullied by authority. I was actually bullied out of my children's life. By the woman who. Could have my husband, I would have given her to him. I would have packed him up and tied a bow on him. She could have him. Oh, she wanted my children. She actually forced them to call her mom. And call me Kathie at their house. And I picked up on it because my kids were so little, they come to my house and they would say my first name. I was like, okay, that's weird. There's something going on there. There's countless examples of what happened. So as bullied out of my kid's life, she. I actually stalk my social media. And she would tell my boy, you can't take pictures with their mom. And put it on social media. The weirdest thing I know. And it's funny how history repeated itself. It's just funny to me. I know I'm going to say that a lot in this video. Cause my superpower is a blessing and a curse. I can understand what's going on, but at the same time, I really wish I didn't know it right here. Ya know? The therapist who diagnosed me with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Has an awesome theory of psychology. That theory is all about the victim victimizer. And because I spent many years with this woman and excellent, excellent therapist, she saved my life. Let me tell you something. I understand that theory to a tee. And it also coincides with what we're talking about today. So I understand the victim victimizer cycle. Okay. And I'll have a link in the show notes and description below to all the articles I've written about victim victimizer and her wonderful, awesome theory, because it's so true. We do it with ourselves. We do it with others. Anytime you see an argument it's taking place, there's a victim and a victimizer and it goes back and forth. So the victim gets pissed off and they start victimizing and it just never ends. We do it mostly with ourselves. But here. Is what I want. To state. So on that day in August. I realized. Nope. I told my manager's manager, the vice president. I told him specifically, I said, you know, as long as I've been here and at the time it was like 11 years. I have never once had a job review, never once. Never. And. That tells me several things. I wasn't recognized for the work I was doing. Or second of all, I wasn't even told whether I was doing things right, or I was doing things wrong. I was just doing my best. I have an entrepreneurial spirit. I would do anything. You tell me to cut grass with scissors. I would cut grass with scissors. But. I have so much more up here to share at, in here, in here specifically. To share that wasn't acknowledged and wasn't appreciated and was actually the reason I was bullied out of there. And I couldn't understand it. That was working with chat GPT on the whole situation. And I asked it, I said, tell me why. Do people bully because I can't. I can't understand it. I can't think of, I can't figure it out. Why, why are they bullying? I know how they bully. I can spot it like a Hawk. Looking for food. And it's kind of a scary superpower sometimes. But the things that chatGPT told me were like, insecurity. Somebody's going to find out that they're not doing their job and they're going to get in trouble, which. Makes sense for HR and yeah, I hope you are stalking in this video right here, because. That's where you went wrong. I had so much to offer. I could have helped. And in fact, I dream at night about working with the people that I worked with. I hear from others who work there, who can sense my presence is gone. The whole company you just broke everybody's trust by firing somebody who was trying to build that up. I could have helped you. I could have helped you because I was in the trenches with them and I understood what was going on. And I do not say this to be ugly. I say this with the most deepest empathy. And emotional intelligence that I can drum up on this because I worked through it. I've processed it. I understand what happened and how it happened. My emotional intelligence is also higher. It's because of everything I've been through because of the trauma I've been through, I had to become emotionally intelligent just to survive. When you go back to my kids, I had to just let them go. And let that theater play out over there. Because if I didn't, it would have damaged them more, their psychological understanding. It took 25 years. to, it to play out. But my. My children now understand, and they see why I did what I did. And they're there for me. They're there for me. Like you would not believe. And it's. It's wonderful how God works that way. So, first of all, I wasn't. Recognized and reviewed and understood what was going to happen in my job and what you needed. And that was not okay. And actually it's something that I do coach and teach in corporate wellness is recognition and rewards is super important. And you have to have a method to it that actually rewards people for actually doing something great for the company. Instead of just rewarding an intern with the biggest prize you have, because you gave them a ticket and they put it into the thing. That makes no sense whatsoever. If you're trying to recognize and reward employees. So the toxic work culture I was in is the very thing I stand against. And is the reason why I resigned from the company. And when I say there was theft of time, what happened was. HR was stuck in my social media. I have some pretty powerful stuff out there. And they found my calendar where I can book times to schedule appointments, to work with people in my corporate wellness programs. And those times were on. Times I was on the clock. But. How could I. Be a fitness instructor for 40 hours a week when your employees have to be working. So in my mind, because I wasn't reviewed and I wasn't recognized. I'm thinking I'm doing something great for the company and. Let's go back to that calendar. The calendar had times blocked out when I was training people during their lunch hours after work. Before work. It it, I just don't get it. I just don't get it. They shot themselves in the foot by treating me the way they treated me. And I've seen it now that I've left and I'm outside of it. I see them still doing it. But there was theft of time and it was my time. Because I was worth more than just 40 hours a week. I could have gotten so much more done if they just gave in to change management. Emotional intelligence. Empathy in the workplace and definitely not bullying in the workplace. So during one of those calendar times, I booked with somebody. I had to spoken to a motivational speaker who said, Hey, I give all these talks. At these companies and then I leave and they don't have anything to hold onto inside there. And I have a program that would definitely support teams. of, five that could spread that throughout the company. And you just need the speaker to come in. Once a quarter. And then he can go do speakers at other companies. And then I can follow up with the motivation and inspiration. So I had this call on my time. Not yours. I'm sorry. For what you think. But I had this call with this gentleman on my time. And I was reluctant to commit. Because I couldn't commit to really giving him a solid program because I was still committed to 40 hours over there. I reached out to him. As soon as I. Was let go from the company. I was like, Hey, I, I know you probably picked up on the fact that I couldn't commit and I want to be a part of what you have to offer companies, because I know I could make a difference. I know my programs would instill the lessons that you teach on happiness and wonderful stuff. And we could. Can I carry that on. And now I'm going to be working with him. Could actually replace my salary. Which was a lot. And I'm like, it just makes no sense to me. When that there's so much to offer. So, yeah, there was theft of time. They were stealing my time. That could have been used for more valuable things. Back to the bullying. The bullying was off the charts off the charts. My manager was literally bullying me. It breaks my heart the way I was bullied. I worked at a health fair on a Sunday for four hours. For them. At this health fair. I met other vendors I could have brought in for our wellness days. I met some really cool vendors and I was really excited for that. The week prior, I had a charity awareness day where I brought in all these charities for the team. Here's where the trauma started happening. I worked really hard on this event. It was set up just like a health fair, had all these great charities come in. We had these wonderful things. And just before the event start, my manager comes up to me. And tells me and I had already heard, she was mad that I wasn't setting it up the way she wanted. And. She tells me, um, You need to let me know what's going on. You know, I am your manager. I was like, okay, that language was not professional is not kind. And I'm like, okay. I tried scheduling meetings with you. You always canceled on me. You were out of the office, those types of things. So I did it on my own. Like I did everything I did. And she told me that right before the event, I was already stressed out, making sure all everybody got in there. Right. And the properly. So the event took place and I met with the women's shelter and they were really curious about what we did and they wanted to come in and bring people from the shelter, these teenagers that were looking for future. Prospecting careers. And I was like, oh, we do that with the chamber of commerce. We would definitely would be interested in doing that. And I actually had a lunch and learn what the president of the company. Just the next day. And he was like, yeah, that's a great idea. We could also do that with the other charities. There's just different charities we could work with. But I made the mistake of going into HRS office in my enthusiasm of this. Event. Telling them. Hey guess what the women's shelter want to do this and this and this. And they were like very condescendingly telling me yes, ma'am. Yes. Ma'am yes. Ma'am. Yes ma'am. And I'm like, Thinking in my mind, something feels off and the language was not bullying, but definitely my hawk vision picked up on it. And I was like, and this is, it does not feel right. So two days later, my manager comes out to the gym and tells me. Um, The girls are telling me that you want to have that, uh, a job fair and that's illegal. That's not your job. You're not allowed to do that. Very very condescending language. Again, my Hawkeye vision was picking up on that. I was like, okay. And just mind you just minutes before that, I had some bad news for my son and my mental health was not in a good place. I had already been. Criticized manager. The condescending? Yes, ma'ams. The negative energy. I picked up in that office when I went into, so excitedly tell them that this was going to happen. I started connecting the dots, looking backwards. And I saw how they were looking at my LinkedIn. Hmm. I brought back bad memories of. The stepmom doing the same thing. Yeah. Those are called triggers in PTSD. They're just called triggers, just saying. So I sent an email to HR and told him, I said there was a miscommunication here. From my understanding, the company wants to promote this and wants to make it a, an awesome thing for the company. Uh, and in my mind, I'm thinking, wow, this is going to change people's lives. And that's what I'm all about. Not only the teens that would come in there, but the people that work there, they would have somebody they could mentor and they could. Look up to how they moved up in the company and it just was like so positive for the whole culture. I didn't get it. So connecting the dots. I see how I was bullied because the go back to August. They caught my video. I was talking bad about my manager. And then we go fast forward. And then it was funny because as soon as I sent that email to HR, I went to lunch and I'm sitting in there eating lunch in the break room and. They walk in there. They know when I eat lunch, they walk in there and they look over at me. And I'm like, Ooh, God. Doesn't look good is kind of like mean girls kind of like laughing. Sorry, my superpower gets the best to me sometimes. Just saying. So I worked at health fair on a Sunday after that. Charity event. And then I emailed my manager to make sure I could get credit for my hours. However they wanted to do it. Usually they give you four hours of PTO. You know, there's one thing that really held me back in that job is they counted my hours and that. I felt like I know my worth is more than 40 hours a week. I've always thought that, and I was never. Appreciated for that. Or acknowledged for that. In fact, I was. Pushed down into a box. Which really turned me off. If you can imagine. And if something I. Advocate for is having trust in your employees. And knowing that they're going to do more than they're asked for, especially. As somebody like I was doing, I mean, to this day, I still dream about working with the clients that I worked with in there that I personal trained as the fitness instructor that I only was in that little box. I still dream about working with them. That's so funny to me. I'm no, I'm going to say that a lot. So my manager sends me back an email about the hours and she says, so rudely. She says that she checked with marketing to make sure I was even there. Oh, like, I'm going to lie about that. That's so funny. I know I'm going to say that a lot. And she also says. And copies her boss by the way. On these emails. That. The CEO. Has specifically said I need to be there 40 hours a week on campus to be available to people. Okay. In my mind, I'm thinking, oh, sure. I could ride the clock. I'm not training, but just during lunch, before work, after work. That's not 40 hours a week that people are able to come. Fitness instruct. So I'm going the extra mile and working extra hard to try to make this a very happy, healthy workplace. I felt. So bullied and so harassed, that was like the final straw. And so I thought in my mind, I'm going to send an email to the CEO and. The VP and I'm going to document all these bullying incidents. I documented them. I probably said my mental health was taxed about. Five times in this email, maybe more. Just two hours after I sent that email. Out comes the course on harassment on Paycom. An hour long course, by the way. I took the whole course and I'm like, holy crap. Maybe they do care about me. No, it turned out to be an authoritarian type um, bandaid. To, you know, CYA. Oh, my goodness. And just a few hours after that, I get an email from the VP who is out of the country. And he said, I'm going to book an appointment with you on Monday morning. And they booked it for first thing Monday morning. And I guess that was Wednesday or maybe a Tuesday. Because he was not in the office at that time. I'm like, okay, cool. Maybe they're going to finally acknowledge the bullying that takes place and. And, and actually take care of somebody's mental health in the workplace. That's not what happened. Instead, I got fired for theft of time. But not after. A meeting that took place. So HR was in this meeting and I, you know, you feel the underlying tone going on. I'm like, oh God, this is probably not going to be good, but whatever, we'll see. And that's when I was told. Um, I was just a fitness instructor that Simon Sineck does corporate wellness. Mike? Yeah. You can't afford him. Just saying. And you definitely need him. And. Oh, my goodness. And then I was told I was caught for theft of time. Which made me realize, oh, they've been stalking in my social media, my website. Fine. You're right. There was theft of time. You were stealing time for me. I could have made a difference there. He treated me like garbage. Just thrown out. For trying to do something good for your company. And that's okay, because you did me a favor because now I'm really making what I deserve. And what I earn and I'm making a difference in a place that wants it and is not threatened by change. And actually wants the change and wants to stop this type of bullying that takes place in the workplace. And actually have leadership workshops. Uh, not. Uh, class where you just have the leaders in there and then you have the perpetrator in the meeting. Where they're not going to say what they really think. So I got fired and I didn't get to tell anybody goodbye. Broke my heart. I was treated like. Uh, you know, I was basically just crucified. Yeah. I couldn't even get all my stuff because I have 11 years worth of stuff in there and they had to box it up and send it to me later. But. I got what I could. Drove off. Traumatized. My boys were there for me. Like you wouldn't believe. They both said, mom, you're going to be so happy. Now you can finally do what you're meant to do. And they're right. And I am. They did me a favor. They were stealing time from me. But they treated me like crap. I didn't even get to tell people goodbye. You do know. I did. Fitness instructor. And I coached people on a regular basis. And you just threw me out like that and you didn't even let me say goodbye. He didn't even like, think about how that would affect your culture. That's on you. That's on you. Because I hear it's not the same without me there. I'm not saying I was all that great, but I did say I wanted to. Make a dent in my little corner of the universe. You didn't let me do that, but that's fine. Let's talk something about, let me, let me shift gears a little bit because you affected my family. You affected Eddie and Eddie was like, so mad. He knew my relationship with the company. He knew how it were. He'd been with me the whole time I'd been there. So that's the only identity he knew me as. He doesn't know what I do online. He doesn't know those types of things. And it was just funny because he's like, can you get your job back? Did you call the CEO and ask her if you could get your job back? I'm like, oh my God, no, but here's the thing. I am so resilient. I am so. Because of my PTSD. Diagnosis and because of my self analysis, my emotional intelligence, I'm very, very aware of how resilient I am. Don't get me wrong. It hurt me like crazy. And then to have Eddie going, can I get my job back? I'm like, oh my goodness. And he had health insurance through me. Now he's freaked out. He never goes to the doctor. Y'all didn't think of those things. You just threw me. To the curb. Because I was trying to make a difference. And when I talked to ChatGPT about why did they bully me? I w I can't think like them. Why do they bully me? And ChatGPT told me things like insecurity. They didn't want change. You were a threat to their change, those types of things, because I just really can't even think like that. Like why, if somebody would do that. Why did the step-mom stalk my social media? She's got all the money. She's got the man. And she had my kids. Why are you going to stalk me? I felt like. I felt like the little. The little girl. Um, the Grinch that stole Christmas, how he was looking down on them from the top of the hill. And. He'd or taken all their Christmas presents, but he didn't understand how they could still be happy. Despite him taking all their Christmas presents and that's what melted his heart. That's what I learned and the bullying that took place with my ex and with the loss of my job and with other things that have affected my PTSD and over the years, because of my wonderful therapist, because of the victim victimizer theory. That I understand. And the only way out of victim victimizer is to get to Victor, which is the place to be. It's not an ego in Victor, you're in a place where you can see things differently. And that's where the Grinch got to when he's up there at the top of the hill and he sees everybody happy. Despite all of their stuff being taken. It's like, the step-mom stalking my social media. To see what I'm doing. I'm thinking in my mind. You have all the money you're out, all these great vacations. And you're worried about little old me. You're worried about little old me. That's sure gives me a lot of power. But I don't abuse that power. Here's another thing that happened. And I heard from several people who told me this, as soon as they let me go the very next day. They were asking people for their phones. If I had texted them. Talk about authoritarian. Dogma and place. That's something that's a pendulum in reality, trans surfing. I don't even give that my energy, but they sure did a lot for me. And I'm like thinking. Okay, fine. Go look at their phones because here's what I said to them. I said I got fired and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I let you down. And I hope you saw that. I hope that made you feel good. Because. When you don't let me tell him goodbye when you don't let me make an impact that I wanted to make in there. You only shot yourself in the foot. And you'll stalk my social media. You'll watch this whole video. And the thing is, I'm glad you did it to me because now I can spread my wings and fly and there, my wings are not clipped. And they were clipped there. And those that do follow me on social media and understand me and know me, even those that work there. I told them, I say, give them your all, go to work every day, do your best. Don't let them bring you down. Those sort of types of things you would have seen in, in my text messages. Because that's not okay. It's just not okay. So in closing. Yeah. My diagnosis of complex post-traumatic stress disorder is my superpower. Sometimes it's a blessing. Sometimes it's a curse. But it always shows me how resilient I am, how courageous I am. How much power I really have from my heart, not from the victim victimizer, cause I'm not a victim and I'm also not out to victimize anybody. Because there's no power there. Just like the book power versus force. Rising up in the levels of consciousness. That's what Victor does. Victor rises up the levels of consciousness. Go read the book power versus force or. Read my blog posts on that book because I talk about it a lot because that's a really good, powerful book on a way to get out of the lower levels of consciousness, which is where they are. Where bullying in the workplace takes place because you have to control everybody. You have to force everything. Force never wins. Power wins. You want to come from a place of power? Because it's so much prettier up here, just like a put on my social media. I finally broke through my glass ceiling. They had put a glass ceiling on top of me and I broke through that glass ceiling. And the vision up here is so much prettier. I have so much freedom. I have time to do things. I don't have to be on the clock 40 hours a week. I'm more myself, my conversations with Eddie, with my friends, with my family. Is just, you can see I'm in a different place. Even my conversations on here, I'm finally my self and let me taste some, the view up here is so much prettier. And yeah, I miss my friends. I miss my family. At that job because those people had become my family. I love them. I wanted to make a difference in there. I loved those people I worked with. And that's probably what broke my heart the most. But I spoke my truth. Let's hear now. Is here to stay. I saw somebody on YouTube the other day go, you know, our YouTube videos are going to be out there for our great grandkids. And if future generations and. I love that. I love that because I wish I had that from my grandparents, from my great grandparents. I have some pretty awesome heritage in my family. And I'm proud of that. I'm very proud of that. All right. That's my video for today. I trust that you found it helpful. If you know somebody who can benefit from it, please share it with them. And until next time I will see you next time, peace out and Namaste bam.