#14 - Midlife Friends and Cancelling Yourself

In this episode, Chelsea touches on the powerful influence of patterns and habits on our lives, urging us to resist the impulse to quit at the first sign of difficulty.  She highlights the unique purpose of her podcast: to connect the dots between money and human behavior.

Episode Highlights:

1. Understanding the impact of money on human behavior and life outcomes.
2. Embracing discomfort and learning from new experiences.
3. Navigating the challenges and intentionality of making friends in adulthood.
4. The importance of patience, persistence, and not giving up too quickly.
5. Challenging negative self-talk and expanding your options in life.

Sharing personal experiences from traveling, concerts, and the complexities of making friends in adulthood. Chelsea offers a refreshing perspective on embracing discomfort and staying motivated. She emphasizes the importance of patience and persistence, encouraging listeners to push through challenges and avoid limiting their options.

Chelsea also tackles the topic of negative self-talk, providing actionable advice on how to challenge and overcome it. Her insights into the intentionality required for adult friendships, combined with her belief in the power of continuous learning and evolution, make this episode a must-listen.

Episode Links:

Mel Robins's Podcast Episode 

Always and Never About Money Episode Links:
Socials: https://linktr.ee/the_money_whisper
Money Mastery Website: www.moneymastery.work
Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/AlwaysandNeverMoney/

Transcript

We learn new things because we want to get to a place that requires, it, demands that we change. And so my message to you is that you can absolutely learn new things if you want it bad enough. And I also wanna say that some of us are giving up a little too quickly. Trying something once and quitting is not actually trying, hitting a roadblock and using it as an excuse to quit is also not trying things.

Hey there, financial explorers, whether you're a seasoned money guru or just dipping your toes into the world of finance, I'm glad you're here. I'm Chelsea Williams, your money whisperer and founder of two companies that focus on helping business owners and individuals take control of their finances always and never about money is where we gather to dive deep into the fascinating intersection of money and human behavior. We're here to learn about our money story, uncover the driving forces behind financial habits, understand the impact of history on our wallets today, and give you all the knowledge and tools to change your money story.

So join us for insightful conversations, personal anecdotes, expert insights and thought provoking ideas that will challenge your perspective and help you use money as the simple tool that it is to enhance your life. So whether you're a business owner or an individual working a job, get ready for a journey that will transform the way you think about money.

Hey, hello. And welcome back to Always and Never About Money. It's been a really long time. I think the last episode we dropped was in December, but if you are just now tuning in, my name is Chelsea Williams. I am what I refer to as a money whisperer. And on this podcast we're talking about money and how it is always and never about money. Money is a reflection of who you are and how you move. It is very liquid. It goes with energy. And so my goal with this is to expose this in a way that you can really understand and that resonates you through all of the other areas of life. Because if money is just reflecting what's already happening, what's happening is reflecting everywhere else outside of your money.

And so I wanted to pop on here and get an episode out because you know, this podcast was kind of a fun project for me. Something that I just, I wanted to do. I needed a space and a platform to say all the things that I needed to say through how people know me, which is money, but also in a new way, which I can like just share some of the thoughts that go through my mind and how I can tie everything into money or, you know, just help us understand how money is a great place to start exploring these things. Because the same things that we have to change to get a different money story out of our lives are the same things that we have to change to get a different story out of our lives in every other area, be it relationships, life experiences, goals, abundance, anything that you're seeking out of life.

So I'm happy to be back and I am inspired by you listeners inspired because you guys are really motivating me to continue to work on this podcast. And it's something that I'll be honest, I'm not incredibly comfortable with. This is a new thing for me. It's a fun thing. And I knew that I was gonna go into it just not feeling super confident. It's new, I'm gonna make mistakes. I'm gonna listen to one of these episodes in two years and have this overwhelming urge to delete it because it's worse than nails on a chalkboard. But you know what, that's okay because we have to be uncomfortable. We have to step out here and do things and risk looking, however we look to whoever in order to get better and just to get to that place.

And so here I am and I'm excited to be with you guys. So I had a great weekend that I wanna kind of get into. I'm in this really great place in my life where I am able to travel so much.

I'm in my late thirties, I'm 37, and I'm putting myself out there to make new friends, which is a whole conversation in and of itself, right? Making friends in adulthoIt's something that can be scary as an adult. You know, I'm at that age where you're coming out of raising children and investing so much of who you are and your time in raising these creatures. And they're starting to get a certain level of independence that forces you to also have this another other level of independence. And I think for a lot of us, we get to this place where we've lost contact with so many friends, we've gone in different directions. We just don't have that circle of people. And for me, specifically women, I really value having great women around me in my life where we find ourselves with like nobody, rigAnd so the idea of getting out there and making friends, this thing that we helped our kids do in like first grade, now we're having to do them. Midlife is a really scary place to be, but we're seeking that connection, right? And so for me, this has just been a year of incredible intentionality with putting myself out there, meeting new people, accepting that not everybody I meet will stay. The whole idea of like, people come in your life for reasons, seasons and lessons, right? And I listened to a really good podcast about this, a Mel Red Robins podcast today, and it's just so true.
And so I'm in this place where I have created the opportunity in my life to just travel a whole lot. So it is Monday morning, and I am coming off of an amazing rollercoaster of the last three to four days. And so I have a new friend who invited me to a couple concerts. I was able to see Janet Jackson in Chicago at the United Center on Wednesday, and then turned around Thursday and saw a Janae Aiko concert that was so amazing. And I'll be honest, I am, I'm, I gotta be careful how I say this, and I'm aware of how I say this because what you say becomes your reality, right? I'm getting better at remembering specific names or titles to songs to date.

My memory has just not been great with this. So when I was invited to this Janae, of course I know who Janet Jackson was. I was born in 1987, duh. But Janae Aiko, I had never heard her name when I was invited. And so I started, you know, listening to her songs and they were familiar, but I just didn't know them like that. And so as I got to know more about her, it was a really cool experience for me because, you know, if you listen to my podcast, you know that I talk a lot about energy and different energy modalities, like meditation and sound bowls and acupuncture and things like that. And Janae Aiko also embraces these things.

So it was this really amazing experience. And not to mention, I also did a workshop for on behalf of my company in downtown Chicago that was scheduled for that same Thursday. And conveniently enough, I was able to go and present in this workshop and then after the workshop, you know, get ready for the concert and do all of these things in in the same area. And so I was just very present and intentional with enjoying the moments. And it seemed like it was kind of one of those trips where, you know, in my work, I'm very strategic and calculated and I plan and I'm prepared and all of those things. But in my personal life, I really thrive in just kind of, I guess you could say, going with the flow.

Like I'm not a planner when I am on trips, I don't always have the next move. And that's just how I really like to just navigate my, my enjoyment time in my life, right?

And so during this trip, if it could go wrong, it almost went wrong. There were just so many roadblocks from construction on the way up, literally roadblocks from construction on the way up or making a wrong turn on GPS or Ubers weren't available, or the Uber never accepted. At one point we got into a car thinking it was our Uber, but come to find out it was this kind of system of side gigs that these people, these locals had put together, which was really scary, right? Because women get snatched, right? We have to protect each other, we have to be aware of our surroundings and our circumstances. And so there were all of these things that just kept happening and each time something would happen, we have a choice, right?

Every time something comes up in our life and it seems like a hurdle or a thing that we have to overcome, we have a choice in that moment to allow it to affect our energy and maybe get angry and frustrated or recognize that there is always an alternative. It's never as bad as it seems. And almost always we blow things up in our head way out of proportion, and we don't have to.

And so there were just so many instances over these past four days where, you know, it was really easy to let something seem like it was a big deal and it was gonna throw the entire day off. But you know, luckily I surround myself with people who ha share some of the same perspectives as I do. And like we were able to navigate everything and really just have a great time at the end of the day. And so the who that we, that we give our time to matters as well in life, right? And so going back to, you know, making new friends in adulthood when it comes to money, a lot of times, you know, the people that I work with are people that are my age and even older.

And I love when I work with younger people because they're giving themselves that opportunity so much earlier in life, which of course, all of us look back and wish we would've have known better sooner. Oh, what life could have been, right? But for those of you that are my age or older, I want you to hear today that you can learn new things. You absolutely can. It's really easy. And we hear it growing up all the time that, you know, old dogs, new tricks get set in your ways. That's just how it is. Those are phrases that we've all come to, you know, be familiar with.

And I wanna just break that line of thinking for you right now and let you know that you can do, you can learn new things if you don't like where you're working, you can learn a new craft. There are other routes for you and you can learn it. And yes, it's different, and yes, it's new, but if we are not evolving and changing, we are dying on the vine. You have to evolve and change at some point. And we get to pick and choose our battles, right? So I bet if there's a game that you wanna play on your phone, you're gonna learn how to navigate that app and learn the game, right? And so what it really boils down to is we have enough motivation to learn the new things.

Do we have enough motivation to, to do the new things, to get out there and make friends? And you know, when we're older and it, when it seems like such a, a juvenile thing to have to go out and make new friends, can we get past that in midlife? And I just want you to know that yes you can. And that doesn't mean that it's gonna be easy if when it comes to your money, if you have never budgeted or saved or if you don't know what an HYSA is or you know, you're not utilizing your banking app, you're gonna have to learn these new things. And what we have to keep in mind is that what is the motivation? What are we really seeking here for me in 2024, it's meaningful connections and specifically focusing on meaningful feminine connections.

The women that I surround myself with, because I really love exploring that, that space. And for you, if it's your money, it, it might be downloading a new app, choosing a new bank, learning, you know, setting aside money to save instead of spending it on entertainment. And sitting with that feeling of, I can't go out tonight, or I can't go to this event tonight, or I can't do this because, because why? We have to have a bigger goal. What is the real motivation? We learn new things because we want to get to a place that requires, it, demands that we change. And so my message to you is that you can absolutely learn new things if you want it bad enough.
And I also wanna say that some of us are giving up a little too quickly. Trying something once and quitting is not actually trying, hitting a roadblock and using it as an excuse to quit is also not trying things. Take time patterns and the habits that you have been using in writing every day of your life, even if you don't realize it, have gotten you to where you are at today. And patterns and habits are not easy to break lines of thinking. Schools of thought are not easy to change. And the only way that that's gonna happen with our money, with our friendships in any other area of life is if we give it time and we are aware enough to make sure that we're not just looking for reasons to quit and to not do it because we don't feel like it or we're not in enough pain.

And look, if you're not in enough pain to make some of these changes in your life, like that's okay. It happens to everybody. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong it. What you need to hear in this moment right now is that when you do get into enough pain with your money situation, with your social situation, with your job, whatever it is in your life, you have options. There are always options and different routes that you can take in any area of your life. Don't cut yourself out before you've even started. Don't sell yourself short. Don't tell yourself that you can't approach your boss and ask for a raise.

Don't tell yourself that you can't find a different job or make more money or make new friends or enforce boundaries around old friends that don't serve the future. You don't tell yourself that you can't go start a business. Don't tell yourself that there's no way you can do something because you don't have the money.

If you hear yourself in your own mind speaking things like this, I want you to stop. And as much as you're looking for reasons why you can't, I want you to find just as many reasons why you can. Because I guarantee you, you can find them. They are out there. And so that's my message for you today. I hope this kicks your week off with inspiration, motivation. I'm gonna keep coming back to you because, and giving you guys more because you guys are showing us that you want more. You know, I said a little bit about, this started as really just a fun thing for me. It's admittedly uncomfortable for me, but you know, me and my team and my business meet on a regular basis and we go over our marketing analytics and time and time again, it has surprised us how many downloads we're getting despite the fact that we have not dropped an episode for quite a while.

So that is to me that you guys are hearing, you guys are benefiting, you are finding value, and I appreciate you as a listener. Until next time you liked this episode, be sure to show us some love by subscribing and turning on those notifications. You can find me on Instagram under the Money Whisper, and also where we encourage you to contribute to join the conversation, ask questions, and share your thoughts so we can create more episodes tailored exactly to what you wanna know about Money. I'm your host and your personal Money whisperer. Until next time, remember, it is always and never about the money.