Self Care as the Driver for Teaching, Business, and Life Success with Tami Hackbarth

 A rare UNComplicating Business interview - and this one is SO GOOD. Come listen in on my conversation with the amazing Tami Hackbarth - we talk all things transitioning from teaching to business, including the struggle of balance, self-care, setting boundaries, visibility, AND flexibility. There are a MILLION bits of good in this episode, include resources you can grab from Tami to help you use self-care to help you GROW your business, right now.




Book a free 1:1 conversation about coaching: https://www.torpeycoaching.com/book-online

Check out Selling for Weirdos here: https://torpeycoaching.thinkific.com/courses/sellingforweirdos

Join the free FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/uncomplicatingbusiness/

Transcript

Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of uncomplicated business today we are doing something a little out of our norm. Because you know that we don't have very many guests here because I'm very, very picky. But today I have a fan favorite. I'm very excited. Well, I'm a fan and then you're going to get to be a fan. So that's going to be how it works. I have the most wonderful Tammy Hackbarth here. Tammy does all sorts of things. And you should now just very gently and kindly stalk her. But what she is really about is helping women get time and energy back so that they can actually live a life they like. And her brand is all about 100% guilt free self care, rebalancing domestic labor at home. She does coaching and writing and speaking and podcasting and all the things she's like on all the ways and she I can't wait. This is so fun. Plus, she was a teacher, which makes her just about perfect in everybody's book here. Tammy, Tammy, Tammy, I'm so happy you're here.

I am thrilled to be here. I love seeing your greenwall Sarah and you know, teachers are my favorite people helpers are my favorite people. Yeah, they're who I hang out with. They're who I work with. So I'm super glad to be here with you. So we can talk about business stuff for people who want to monetize their expertise. Heck,
yes, that's okay. So we're gonna just like jump. That's we're gonna not be crazy about it. Can you start by telling them and telling everybody a little about because I know some but big we can't keep secrets about how you went from classroom to business. Like what is the did you just decide on a Tuesday? You're like, nope, screw this. I'm in business now or it's not that. So tell us the story.

Okay, I love this. Picture this you go. I walk into my principal's office, I taught third grade at this point, I had 20 co workers, probably 19 of which were just pissing me off. Because they are nine. And they they it wasn't working guys. We were having a moment. So I went into my principal's office to complain. He came across the desk, he closed the door. And he asked me if I was happy as being a teacher. Q ugly tears where I was like, what I said was what the eff does that have to do with being a teacher? Meaning I don't know any Happy Teachers. And I certainly wasn't. And he said, You're really great at this job. You're a natural, you're fantastic. And you're sucking the joy out of the room. And I thought, wow, people need to stop being so direct.

 So continue the ugly cry, he goes to my class, he takes over he does well math instruction while I tried to get it back together. And it was from that moment on that I was like, You know what? I'm not going to give my all to a profession that does not appreciate my all I was super immature about it. My feelings were hurt. I was humiliated. I was having health issues. So Q number two, very clear, very direct, I would say Dare I say very offensive man. Go to a chiropractor, you know, an acupuncturist, excuse me, acupuncturist, who also happens to be a Western MD. 

So he's like double certified. He's like the real deal. takes one look at me and looks me dead in my eyes and says, you're going to drop dead in your classroom. If you don't deal with your stress, I was like, I did not come here. For that recommendation, can you help me clear my skin? And perhaps feel better? The answer was curl. It's like you're like, you have issues. I don't know what those are. But you need to figure it out. You need to reduce your stress. So in my perfect type a brain reduce stress equals become a yoga teacher.

 What I know not go to yoga class, but actually study to be a yoga teacher and wow, in my yoga teacher training, my one of my besties Michelle, Marla ham, that it's all yoga, said we're all gonna start blogs so that we can publicly share what we're doing, what our thoughts are, how we're growing through this experience. And I thought, I don't know what a blog is. But I will find out tonight and I will start tomorrow. That was asked for
teacher learner, right? The teacher is like I'm gonna figure this out. Right? Hold on. Give me one sec was July 31 2009. And on August 1 2009, I published my very first blog post and I fell that was really early in blogging right and so I fell down the rabbit hole of Oh, wait. We can just talk to each other on the internet. Like in long form. 

We can do our own professional development by reaching out to people who live across the country, we can use social media to connect with other educators who are like us. We can trade best practices, I was like, Oh, I know what I do, I will do instead of working all of those hours, I will go down this rabbit hole. And at the time, the ethos on the internet was very, no one should have a civilian job, everyone should quit their job, bring their laptop and fly around the world and be location independent. And I was like, Well, I'm all in for that. I hadn't yet become a parent. So I was toying with it.

 But the other thing I was doing was I was really learning a new way to be in the world as a yoga teacher, so again, if you're going to reduce your stress, and your answer is become a yoga teacher, when you become a yoga teacher, you become the least popular kind of yoga teacher. So I became a restorative yoga teacher, which is asking very stressed out people to come into the studio to lay down use all the props relax for a long time. Because what do we need? As really stressed out? People? We do need quiet, we do need to slow down. But I hate to tell you, Sarah, people who are like me that are made of fire? And their answer to when times get tough is to work more. It is a hard sell. Oh, girl, I can't even go to that yoga class. I have tried. I get 20 minutes. And I'm like, I have to leave because this is cute. So
sure. 

Because I cannot I have had to really like work at I was like, Yeah, the other I liked the power class. But the restorative one is really hard. And my friends are like, there's something wrong with you like, no, it's just, there's it's too much space for my brain to go. Exactly.

But what I learned was, I can sit in the discomfort of my feelings, and not die. I can sit in the discomfort of not knowing and not die, I can sit in the discomfort of doing something that is so completely countercultural. Because we live in a culture that says, the more you work, the better you are as a human. Mm hmm. Get it, grind it, hustle it all that and you know what, Sarah? That doesn't work that just burns people out. It turns out the thing that we've all been prescribed, which is do more, actually does more harm. So it was a long way to get here. I ugly pride in front of my principal, I acted like a brat saying Fine, I will take my toys and go somewhere else and use all my extra time to do something else. And then a physician said you're going to croak in your classroom and I was like, I don't want to actually die in room 12 This carpet hasn't been cleaned in years,
you know? Well, and it's new. minorly traumatizing for children like that's probably. Exactly.

You know, and by the way. I was 37. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't want people to be talking about my imminent death, before I even turned 40 for something that's preventable. So, during all of this time, I was like, Wait, there is another way to be in this world. And now I'm going to take on this as a personal personal experiment. Gretchen Reubens, The Happiness Project had just come out. And that book really changed my thinking because I love to Eat Pray Love. I know lots of haters, but I love me some escape love her. Right? I'm like, Hey, Liz Gilbert. I also would like to quit my whole life and travel around the world see this as a theme. But I do have a job where they want me to be there to open the door for the children. 

So like Gretchen I was like, How can I be happier where I am? Yep. Right. So I set off on a question. If I'm not working all these hours, what will I be doing instead? I decided to do by the way I didn't tell this day when I just did it. And that was I asked myself what in my life would be different. If I did all the health recommendations that every healthcare provider provides you exercise 150 minutes a week, sleep eight hours a day, drink the water, get the steps eat the produce. Meditate, I will just let you know. I was very disappointed to find out. That works. It works. Yeah, it sucks, right? I'm like, Oh, so it's not an information problem.

Though, right? It's a peep No. Rob Lowe Nope.

It's Oh, Wow. Yeah, it was it was it was eye opening, it was absolutely eye opening. Because at the end, so the big blue haha with my principal happened in November. And I came back after Thanksgiving break and I was like, You know what I'm going to work to roll, which means I'm going to get him in at the start time leave at the end time and I was like, Well, I got a lot of work to do or a lot of time. But I started my experiment straight away. But by the end of that school year, these are the things that happened. My students behavior improved. So remarkably, I was like, oh my god, I think this whole thing was me this whole time. Hate that realization. Their state their like high stakes state testing off the charts improved. But I was like, Well, that was a fluke. So I tried it again the next year. Dammit, if it didn't work again. And I thought, God when I'm happier, these little children do so much better. 

Well, it's like, I think is better.

Like, I always say to people, one of the things I've had to learn in business is how to be nice to myself. Because everything works better when I'm nice to myself. And people are like, yeah, yeah, like no, no, like, I make more money because I'm nice to myself. Like, quite literally, that's how it works. I had a one on one with somebody today. We're like, she's new to me. And that's what we were talking about. And she was like, I want to like argue it but also somewhere in my body. I know that's true. And I was like, yep, yep, you do.

That's the Jedi mind trick. But again, it's countercultural. Because what do we learn? We learn competition. We learn cutthroat, we learn. No pain, no gain. That's all lies. Every single bit that is lies. Yep. What can you do to make it easier for you and your clients?
Everything? Right, like how can it be simpler? How can you be kinder? How can there be more grace?

Yeah. Where we none of us are having a business emergency.
No. Well, and it's a it's like what do I lose in pursuit of being kinder?
Now, a lot of people would say your edge.

Well, but if that's right then but like, that's it as I talk to people all the time, if that's what I'm going to lose, that wasn't the business I wanted to start. So many of the future people are, that was the whole problem. That's why they feel like they don't belong, because that's not the edge they ever had. The Edge they had is like, filled with candy and snacks and water bottles and handed out to the every stranger that looks hungry. Right? Like it's it's a very different edge.

And I will also say, as somebody who is extremely fluent in sarcasm, wit, all of that, you know what, I haven't lost my edge. Right? I'm going to make you laugh in an era, you know, step by saying something irreverent. But ultimately, we're going to be kind to each other. Yes. Like, you know, it's not this like, soft heart. boring person. Correct. It's soft heart. Let's gather around the campfire and still hug and hold hands but laugh our butts off. Yes.

Well, that I was talking to somebody the other day about how in business the way I think about that, and this particular client doesn't really well is she's serious about our work, but not herself. Nice, bright, and that's that's what draws people to her. She takes the work seriously, but never herself so seriously, that she can't like goof around with you. You're gonna get the stuff done. And it's such a lovely way to be in the world and work and people are like, Oh, that looks like so much more fun than that lady who's going to be mad at me the whole time. Like, what a lovely way to be. Right?

Absolutely.

Okay, so tell. Tell us what you do what it is now. How did it end up?
Oh, okay. So I started to be a yoga teacher restorative yoga teacher. And I tried to go back to work, but in that time, I actually became a mom via international adoption. So it looks like the world's longest pregnancy three years. So I leave school for a little bit. I'm planning to go back part time my district has a long held policy of job sharing one position. And they dissolved that policy while I was on parental leave.

 What so I went and lobbied I talked to every principal in the district I talked to every level of superintendent in the district they all said the same thing. I was mad. But again, I thought You know what, I can get a job anywhere as a teacher, because I have skills. I do have hustle. But I also have a kid that has at home that needs her mama, right this second. But from the moment, I became a yoga teacher, I knew that I was always going to have a side hustle. Right? So I taught weekly classes, I held retreats. I was a private yoga teacher. 

And what one thing that came out of every single interaction I had with clients was, this is great while I'm doing it, how do I make this happen? All day? How do I wake up feeling good? How do I feel good after lunch? How do I feel good enough at the end of my work day, so that I can deeply enjoy my life? And I was like, Yes. I love those questions. Let's dig in. And during that entire time, I was a yoga teacher. Not one time, did anyone ask me? Where do I put my foot on the mat? Now, one time, they wanted to know, because you know, yoga is the thing. And when we say yoga, everyone thinks, oh, I'm on the mat. 

That is literally one seven of what yoga is. And so what what people were asking was like, How do I incorporate the other seven limbs of yoga into my life? And I was like, let us explore, let us find out, let us do some experiments. These are the things that I have done. And I'm a voracious reader, I, if there's a self help book, I'm going to read it, I'm going to distill it, I'm going to take out the exercises that are like that was life changing. I'm gonna leave the rest. And, and so it evolved from yoga teacher. And then in 2015, one of my longtime yoga clients was like, hey, so I think you should just be a coach. And 

I'm going to volunteer to be your first coaching client. I'm your client now. Thank you. I'm your client now. And I was like, shoot, Mr. Are you what just happened?
My mom just died. I don't think I can do this. And she's like, I actually believe in you. 

Because the year before me and another former teacher had started a program called the healthy happy, same teacher, where it was all about how we can have sustainable self care, so that we can thrive throughout the entire year so that we're not constantly like, promising ourselves things are going to be different next year. Even though nothing has changed. How we're going to, you know, really take this summer by storm, just kidding. Going to watch reality. Oh, eat terrible food, because I'm so tired and burnt out from the year. 

So my, you know, my yoga clients were looking at like, Well, why are you doing that with teachers? Why don't you do that with us? And I was like, oh, because I'm pretending I am pretending that is what I'm doing. I'm working with somebody else. And I'm figuring it out. And they're like, no, no, no, no. Because when it comes down to it, we watch what you're doing in your actual life. And the difference the difference that we've seen in the last few years from where you are personal, you know a person that the doctors, you're, you're going to drop down your classroom and your principles like, 

Hey, can you suck the joy out of a room full of nine year olds? nine year olds? Right, sucking the joy right? There like that girl? Funny. So funny. This girl funny and healthy. How do you do that? Yep. And I was like, Oh, I think we're onto something. In 2016, I interviewed 100 women to ask them, I was like, I need to know is self care thing? Is it a thing that I can hang my professional hat on? Because I was like, it is for me. Apparently I have a deep need to take care of myself so that I can be a human that other people would like to be around. 

Okay, duly noted that I needed to know if other people experienced life in the same way. Yes. And when you interview 100 potential future clients, you get really clear on what's important to people and what they think. And I went to it and then I got my coaching certification through UC Davis and I have been coaching since 2016. With a certificate.
It's it's kind of magic. What's interesting in the whole story is sort of the role of truth tellers, and outside people saying you can do different right, I think we all have those people who We don't always hear them. And you really listen. Right? We have the people I have had them where they're like, no, no, no, no. 

This is what why are why are you not doing it like that? Or and sometimes those people are crazy. That's fine. Sometimes you're like, No, no, I don't want to do that. That's that. Oh, no, thank you. And but if you know the ones that love you, the ones that know you sometimes every now and then somebody drops in and is like, no, why not that? Why not you? And they believe in you, are they? And they sort of pushed the box a little bit. And that that makes a huge difference. Right? Okay. Do you want to know what the real difference is? When somebody says, I want you to do this, here's some money. And I'm like, Well, I guess I'm doing it now. Yeah, you're okay.

 When it went from an idea. To now I have clients? Yep. Once I got clients, I was like, whoa, I'm gonna level up my skills. The people are watching. And they're paying me. Yep. Right, because lots of people have lots of ideas about what you're good at what you should do. But here's the thing, Sarah, before I was a teacher, I had a whole other career. I worked in politics was like good at it. Sure. That was good enough. I was good as the next person. I had a tummy ache for a decade. Yeah, yes. That's because you're good at stuff. We're fine at stuff doesn't mean you should keep doing it. Well, in you know, from a business perspective, what's interesting is people will say, well, but I'm starting and nobody's funding. Nobody's paying me yet. But I think the difference between what they're doing and what you did, which I think is very telling, is the talking about it.

Because what happens, the reason people started to hire you part of it is because they knew what you were thinking about and what you were working on. And how you were changing.

Like I was talking about it with my blog, right? We were inviting people to my classes I was you were doing it out loud. And in view, right, the changes the things and so people could say, Oh, I see you I need that, versus doing it in secret and hoping they find you. Okay, well, when we created the healthy happy, same teacher, I, we did kind of create it, like in our little laboratory, and then we rolled it out. And a handful of people with their US dollars, bought it and went through us. Yeah. But you know, it's crazy. I thought the launch was a giant failure. 

Because apparently we didn't make six figures, the very first time we rolled something out crazy. And you know what? We never did it again. What? Did again? Well, because once once people start to know, right, once you once you're talking about once it's visible, then it starts to work, but you can't be secretive, and then have people pay. It's like I tell people all the time, it's like, deciding to have a party Friday night, sitting in your house and being super sad when nobody comes. But you didn't tell anybody. Like my daughter will do that. I love her. But every now and then she'll say, well, but that kid didn't say hi to me. And I'll say did you say hi to them? And she'll say yes. And I'll say in a way they could hear you. And she'll go, no. They're like, well, how were they to know you were saying hello.

But it's super vulnerable. Right? Because when you especially at the beginning of your business, when you start talking to your teacher, your helper, you're you're a nurse, you're a what you are known as a thing with an ER at the end, right? You're a lawyer, you're a doctor, you're you are a recognized credit, letting people understand what you do when you start talking about something else. People honest to God. They worry for your actual sanity. Why would you give up the thing that's going to fund your retirement? Why are you going to leave your position? Is all of that right? Why would you leave a tenured position? Why would you start this side hustle? Why would you do this? And it's, I want to I want everyone like gather around the campfire friends. It's them. It's not you are afraid for you.

 When I left politics. People were wringing their hands. One woman was ringing her headship, tears my eyes and she's like, but what if it doesn't work? And I was like, Well, I've already rip the band aid off sod my leg off and I'm running away from this career. It's cool. I'm already on a road of not doing this. Yeah, and I can always come back. Right part of my success in my coaching business is My credential is up to date. I have not worked in a classroom since 2012. I can get a teaching job tomorrow.

And you just know. I just know well, and see at some point I let mine mine has lapsed. But I also because I went from teaching into corporate for a while into other things, what I know and part of why it by let it go when I let it go was like, I am not unemployable. Like, if I decided tomorrow, I was going to go get a job, I would go get a job. People want what I have, exactly, but I keep it because it gives me a lot of credibility with other teachers, for sure. And let's be real, lots of my clients are teachers. And they're the people on your campuses who are leaving every day at the same time. 

They're the people who are laughing with their classes, because they're doing the PE with the kids. They're the people who are not working all weekend. They're the people who are prioritizing the absolute essential things they have to do at school, equally, with the absolute essential things that they need to do for themselves in their own lives so that they can show up as a fully resource teacher. 

You either want to sit by them, because you're like, Oh my God, how do you do that? Or you want to kind of trip them in the parking lot. Because you're like, you know, I hate that for you. I'm not, I'm not ready to receive your positive diet. It's that like, everything sucks. How can you not think that everything sucks, and my clients will say, everything sucks. And I am a whole human being that deserves to be treated with dignity, and respect, and love and care. And if I had to do that for myself, I'm gonna, well in everything you just said, applies to the entrepreneur space, right? Like, y'all pick it up, move it over. Because we get to do the same thing here, like I have somebody earlier in the week said to me well, but when the clients email, I have to respond. Girl, I love you, and you can wait 12 hours, they're not going to die. Like, nobody's gonna die.

Sorry, I have a thing on my email that says if you email me over the weekend, I may get back to you by Tuesday. Or I may not know work, right? Like in my head. I think it's super important. You'll email me back during a time where I might see it. Right?
Well and like, but that's a that's a boundary. It's a boundary choice. It's a way you get to as the boss of my business, I get to make those choices. That's why I'm here. Yeah, right, we get to do the same, make the same balanced choices, and they actually are greater success here. Just like they would be greater success in a classroom just like their greater success anywhere else.
Yeah. So tell me, are there things that you feel like have that you have learned in your business? Where you were like, Oh, that were like, Oh, my
goodness, there's so many, there's so many pick out your favorite that you're like, oh, that thing when I learned that thing, like mine is often being nice to myself. Okay, so I have two and they are directly relevant. Okay.

In 2019, I, I talk to other coaches all the time, because I'm like, everybody looks like they are killing it on the internet, everyone. And it turns out, we're all about doing the same. So just get behind the curtain that people have real conversation, talking to one of my coaching besties we were setting goals for the next year, I was super excited. I said, I'm going to double my income next year. And she said, I am so excited for you. What are you gonna do differently to get a different result? Oh, Sara, oh, my immediate response was to middle fingers in her face. I was like, stop it. Stop it. Stop it with your logic. Stop it. She's like, Okay, are you are you ready to be coached through this and I was like, I am mad at you. 

Ask another question. Go ahead. I was planning to do nothing but wish, yes, I'll be doing something differently. And she said, What are ways that you could bring in different income streams and I was like, I guess I could try to sell the two core says that I've created the two group coaching programs that when I rolled them out the first time, people that I didn't know, put a credit card down and bought. But because I did not become a six figure overnight coach, I thought they failed. She was like, Yeah, remember, when you went through my coaching program the first time I ran it, and I said, Yeah, and she's like, Yeah, I just keep running the same thing over and over. Right? 

And I keep, I keep getting feedback, and I keep making it better. And then she's like, remember, I used to charge like, $250 for it. And now it's $2,000. I was like, and then this is the second thing. I want everyone to listen to these words. I said, Yeah, but I don't think people want to work with me. In a group, they keep hiring me to do one on one work. She said, Well, honey, then just tell them how you work with people. Say, if you want to do this kind of work with me. This is the container I do it if you want to work on this. This is how I do that. You want to do that? This is how I do that. I was like what she's like, Oh, you're the boss. Right? You decide how you work with people I was like. But she's like, No, if you say it enough, she's like, it's kind of like when you show up at your classroom as the tallest person with the key. Literally, everyone in that building is like, well, I guess you're making the rules. I guess you're in charge. 

Because they gave you a key. Well, and it's right there with, like in parenting, I know this in classrooms, I knew this. I'm never going to offer my kids a choice that I don't want them to take. So I'm going to never offer somebody a container for work together that I'm not going to enjoy. Like, you don't have to offer that container. If you don't like purple containers, throw it out. If you're like I hate working with people in groups don't do it. If you think Instagram is the pits like I do, don't go there. Like you don't have to do any of that stuff. And when you love it, you can do it three times and no one's gonna die, or 63 times even better.

But the point is, it's twofold. Yes. If you want to make more income, you have to raise your prices. You have to create a one to many model, because we only have so many hours in our day. Yep. You have to be creative. But you cannot do the exact same thing that you did in the last year and expect to double your income without a plan about how you're going to do that. 

Secondly, you decide how you work with your people.
Yes, yes. Well, and the other thing that I think is hidden in there is that when she said What do you want to do different? You knew? Because here's the thing, 99 times out of 100. When I say to somebody, okay, what are the options? They know them all? They just haven't said them out loud yet. They haven't admitted they exist. They haven't been like, Oh, I could do I guess I could do? And halfway through the conversation. They'll be like, wait, I think I just answered my own problem. Like, right, man. You just didn't say it out loud yet. You didn't like look at the board and be like, what's on the what's on the game board? What can I use?

Yeah, what choices do I have? Yeah, so I will also say just because I know somebody's like, so easy. No, it wasn't easy. Because in my mind, I was a failure because these programs didn't take off like gangbusters the first time out. So did I have to get some coaching about that every single creator? Put something out in the world? They get feedback. Yes. They come back, and they make another version. And then they sell the same thing over. But it's a little better. Yes. Oh my god, that error of process. I believe they call it learning what you think I would know this as a teacher. You'll apparently I thought it didn't apply to me. I thought, again, this is where my fixed mindset. Either I was a success or a failure. 

Yes. Why did I not celebrate the fact that I sold a handful of classes. I had an international cohort of the very first program I put out well and
the magic, even the celebration of like you pulled something out of your brain and people were like, I'll pay for that. Exactly. It's fascinating. And I think the other part of it that's interesting And is, you know, the way I often think about it is I don't.

 It's funny, it is learning. I don't think about it as learning. But somewhere along the way, somebody said to me, if you wanted to it was when I was starting to sell group coaching. And she said, if it takes you a year to learn how to do it, would you be cool with that? And I was like, yeah, actually, I would. And she said, Okay, so for the next year, just think about it as practice. Can you practice learning to sell this? For however long it takes? And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. So like, every year now I start the year with this year, I'm gonna practice learning to sell X, right? And then it's like, I'm gonna mess with it until it works better. So good. So tell me, we're gonna change slightly? What are the teaching skills that you bring into business that you think makes it less complicated for you, than average?

This is hard. Because there's so many. I'm like all of them. One of the things that I drew, one of the things I do is, because I understand that when you feed students information, with a fire hose in each of your hands, at their face at close range, those students do not feel successful. They feel uncomfortable, but not in the good way I can learn something, they feel overwhelmed, and perhaps they want to quit. So I like to take my decades of knowledge and break things down. So simply that every single time I have an interaction with someone, they feel like, I can totally do that. Yes, I am like, you not only can you do it, you just did it. gold stars, do you want some more information about all the other things you can do? Because I look at teaching less like a pitcher pouring information into people. We have enough information, everyone, but really, I'm a facilitator of, okay, how do we help you take what you've know, and put it in to action?

Well, it's like, what it makes me think of in my head is, you know, when babies were little, and you gave them you're feeding them, and you gave them little bits. Like we're managing bite size, like right now my kid is my kids are 12 and 10, I'm going to hand them the whole sandwich. But as little as I was giving them little bits at a time, I'm going to manage their bite size, whether it's an information or food. And I think what you're talking about your degree is bite size, right? It's like giving you this information, people where they are is and not being like, I can't believe you don't know this already. 

Or I can't believe that. Because I don't think any of us are teaching anything that somebody could not go to YouTube University, or a book, or I'm like, I literally wrote a book, if you can do if you are a self starting student, you can spend $22 and buy my book, it's called The Essential Guide to 100%. guilt free self care. I leave it all out there. It's all public. If you would like to learn how to rebalance the domestic labor at home, go to your bookstore, go to the library and get a Brodsky's book. Fair play. Yes. There's not a lack of information. I facilitate learning. I facilitate student success, so that they build the confidence to go, oh my god, I used to not be able to do that. And now I do. And what else am I capable of? Yes.

I'm like, That's anybody. Right?
Let's do this. Yes. Yes.
I love that. It is the it is both bite size. And like, I love the word accountability, but it is and also the reminders of success, right? It's the like, good you now we're going to do what's next. Right? It's that constant progress, but it is the awareness of progress that I think makes such a difference right in there. And those are that's that's all. Yes,
but it's also so when I say accountability, I always put the word lovingly accountable, because you're already beating yourself up because you already have a lifetime of See, I told you I suck. I can't blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, You know what? I hear you. And clearly your inner critic is going after you. And if you showed up, you're winning. Yes, if you did 1% You're winning. If you did not quit, and say, I cannot change. You're winning. Because the work I do with people is for a lifetime. I'm like, hey, you know what we can always do? We can start again. Is it harder? It Yes. Physics, right body at rest stays at rest, body motion stays in motion. 

That is true in habit formation and all of that. And if you can reactivate that energy, and start again, kudos, yeah. Well, and that's right. Like, that's everything. And sometimes we need to start again, sometimes it didn't wasn't meant to be right, then sometimes it wasn't. And it's funny. I had, I had a call with somebody this morning as a potential client, and she said, do you give homework? And I said, Yeah, and then she kind of like, I was like, Wait, but wait. Like, it's never homework that isn't relevant and a part of what you're doing already. It's never graded. If you come and you're like, I didn't get to it. Nobody's dying. Like I'm never mad. It's always like, okay, so how do we help you do this? Now? How do we make it fit for you? It's never like, like, going to nun yelled at you homework. It's like, Hey, I think this would help this week. This is how we can do it different. And she went like, oh, like you I watch her shoulders change. And I was like, Oh, that's so interesting.

It was such as weird because we live in a punitive culture. Yes, she
was ready for me to be like, be mad. And I was like, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. Never gonna be what comes out of this. Not ever with money. So one of my clients, I asked them, What homework Do you want to give yourself? Yes. And sometimes they tell me stuff. And sometimes I'm like, Girl, I am up to my eyeballs. 

And I know, maybe I'll do something that I already assigned myself that I never got around to. Or maybe I'm just holding the boundary of no things. And I'm like, Girl, I have checked so much homework and all they got me was a tummyache. Yeah, so I'm not in the business of holding you accountable, or your success or failure. I'm here to facilitate learning. However, that needs to look for you at this time.

Well, and honestly, I bet you do this. I do some of this too. Sometimes people at the end of calls will say to me, okay, here's the things I'm going to work on this week. And I'll be like, okay, no two of those. I regularly with people take stuff off where I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Too many things. Too many things. Like we don't need to be dealt with. This is not about AAA palaces. Girl. This is about like, let's be real and maybe you could sleep tonight. 

You know what my Okay, so one of my I think one of the phrases that has helped me the most in my entrepreneurial journey is begin the way you wish to continue. And the way I wish to continue is I want to work part time. That's how I started I started because I was raising a baby and a business at the same time. But you know what, when I was 10 years old, all I wanted to do was work part time. It has been a lifelong ambition to work part time begin the way you wish to continue. Now, do I want to have full time money for my part time work? Yes, I want to have hella full time money. I want to be better than 1000s for my very part time work. 

So that is how I run my business. Yes, from the beginning. Now. Do I have to talk myself off the ledge that I'm not quote farther along in my business? You bet your ass I do. Well, but I don't think anybody doesn't have that ledge no matter how far they are, or how many hours a day they work. Correct. Right. And I would also argue I get more done in a shorter amount of time. Because as the very smart Betty for Dan said in 1950 and The Feminine Mystique, the job expands to fill the time you give it. If you say I'm having a dinner party in 30 minutes, you're gonna clean your house in 30 minutes. If you say you're having a dinner party in 36 hours, now you got 36 hours to freak out about cleaning your house.

 You're having a dinner party in six months. Well guess what? Now you're going to have a tummy ache for six months, friends. shorten the time you're giving yourself to do the job. Yes, that's not getting better. It's like fish on a hot day. outside, it doesn't get fresher. The longer it sits. Well, and I just like milk, right? Like, let's stop the madness. No, it's like madness. And I constantly it's funny, I just did a journaling challenge, and I'm doing an offer challenge in two weeks in my group. And one of the things I'm constantly on is like you have three minutes to do this, you're gonna decide you're going to write, you're going to walk away, you're going to walk away, like you don't need 30 minutes, you need three, we need to make the window very small so that you don't have time because it's thing do go it's not thing, think, per separate question, worry, change again,
really, what are we doing? We're perfecting the law, but you cannot, can't everybody get out of your brain that you can perfect it privately. 

That doesn't exist. Because the moment you let your perfect thing out in the world, somebody is going to have an improvement. I hope they are gracious with their language about your typo in your book. not guaranteed. I hope they're gracious in their language about how you're too expensive. No guarantee. I hope they're gracious about whatever criticism they offer. Unlikely. The only way that we get better is when we get feedback from others, the people who are buying our thing,
which you have to say out loud in order for them to give you feedback. I mean, that is the truth. Right?
Right. Like, yeah.
Okay, yeah. So we, I think that's like, I think that's it. Like if that's what you friends, listen to me. If that's what you walk away with, please walk away with that. There's 700 other things in here to walk away with, please take them all, or pick one to hold in your pocket for a while? Or where or do whatever you want with Miss Tammy? What should people come get from you right now?

Oh, I love this question. So you can come over to my website, Tammy hackbarth.com. And you can go into my shop, and you can download the free reduced the mental load challenge. It's a three workshop series, it gives you a glimpse into the actual work that I do with clients, because I took a couple of weekly parts have different modules, and I put them together in this workshop series that I'm like, so if you want to know what it's like to work with me and the work that I do, come learn about reducing the mental load and you're like, I don't even know what that is. So if I may, the mental load is the things that you're in the middle of the night perseverating about. Do we have toilet paper? Did I turn in the permission slip? Did I whatever it is that has you up in the middle of the night, while everyone else in your house is peacefully sleeping? Because they never think about the toilet paper. They never think about how things happen in your house. Yeah, because you're the one handling all of that on your own. It's about making the invisible work of your home life visible so that the rest of your family is like, Oh, God, no wonder why you're so bright.

Oh, my God. Well, and I bet the people that hear this know what they're like, oh, that mental ticker tape? Yes, yeah.
So we can also bring those principles with us into our businesses, but also in our classrooms and our jobs. It's like, how do we make the invisible labor of life? Which by the way, our country is 100% built on the invisible labor of women. How do we make it visible so that we can have other people take ownership of some aspects of running a household? Yes.

And when and in your business like it applies every week goes? Like who does those things? And then you have to figure out how to make them shareable. How often do we talk about this? All of it? So right everything friends. First of all, as I told you the start, now is the time to go very lovingly become a Tammy stalker.

Yes. And you can likely find my book The Essential Guide to one on percent guilt free self care at your public library. Yep. On the Libby app or the hoopla app. You can also find it on my website. Or if you want to buy it at Amazon, you could you could also get it at an independent bookstore. Just ask them say hey, do you have this book? If they don't, you're like, can you order it for me? And here's the thing, I purposefully made it short, because it's essential.

With a 400 things you shouldn't be doing list no Girl No. Yes. Yeah, right like friends please please please please go follow her around. Couple things please go download Tami's free thing. Go buy the book go do the things please follow her around. She's got a podcast we can find that too. It's all in the same brand. If you're not in the Facebook group for me my uncomplicated business for teachers helpers and givers and you are needing to complete the offer game with us starting the week of June 3 Please come play. Although I think this will probably be passed and I don't know when I scheduled this for will give. We'll deal with that in a minute. But friends all the offer things will still be there all June. Miss Tammy, thank you. Why the absolute treat? And I'm so glad that we got to do this and I appreciate you. Thank you so much for having me.