Part 1: Have You Seen Frasier Crane?

On May 13th, 2004, the world said ‘Goodnight Seattle’ one last time to the greatest TV character of all time, Dr. Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane hasn’t been seen in public since, which definitely means he’s missing. The search begins by checking in on Frasier’s local haunts. Maybe he’s exactly where we think he’d be. 

Transcript

Teddy  0:02  
I've always hated sitcoms, I can assume you're wondering why you son of a bitch. What could I possibly have against sitcoms? Fine. I'll tell you. They're designed for the lower class and the lower class are hardly an authority on quality. How else would you explain the success of vampire porn amongst single mothers in Middle America? Oh, what? You don't agree with me? Allow me to prove my point. said yes. Any name. Any sitcom.

Sydney  0:31  
No, I can do this.

Teddy  0:33  
Any sitcom will do?

Sydney  0:34  
  Do you mean Frai-

Teddy  0:38  
Don't go spoiling the surprise. No, Syd. Any other sitcom?

Sydney  0:43  
Okay. What's the one where there's like there's like four similar, but like very different versions of brunette New Yorkers and their jokes land for some reason and, and one has seizures sometimes. But nobody tries to help her. And instead, they all just like stand there staring. And like, not a single person offers to help. I think the tall one might also have seizures. It's possible The show was about the sad lives of the epileptic

Teddy  1:09  
Ah, yes, Seinfeld. Of course. You can't deny that it's regarded by many as the funniest sitcom ever. I didn't realize all it took to be funny was arguing whose hair was more feathered over diner food. Another. 

Sydney  1:24  
Okay.

Oh, was there one, like, it was like a guy and his mom and his, and his dad and I think his wife, like definitely his giant of an older brother. And if you listen to their voices long enough, your ears would start ringing, I think. What was that one?

Teddy  1:47  
Everybody Loves Raymond. I'll tell you one thing everybody does not love. Long Island accents and writing targeted at blue color public servants from Queens. The 90s saw a constant onslaught of sitcoms with the same plot, setups, and trivial conversations on dirty couches. We thought maybe TV was just a waste of time until...

Frasier Crane  2:11  
dinner was an absolute nightmare. I am not a mad rush.

Tuna.

You're welcome. Dear God, I'm aunt Shirley. Oh, dear god. Oh, dear god.

Oh, dear God.

Teddy  2:26  
That's our guy.

 The man in the brown suit and billowing silk chemise. 

Sydney  2:31  
Sherry connoisseur, radio psychologist and Seattle sweetheart; Dr. Frasier Crane. As children of the 90s Frasier was always a presence in our homes. And by that, I mean your home. Being poor meant we didn't have a TV, but we did have stolen TV guides from the local library. I remember the first time I saw them on a full page ad. Frasier had that special kind of Republican charm I'd always dreamed of having myself. I would rip out those pages and I put them under my pillow, praying to God, my foster mother wouldn't find them and ask me if this was the man responsible for my sexual awakening. It was, and I've been saving myself for him ever since. 

Teddy  3:09  
My backstory? My father and I were never close. I made sure Frasier and I had that in common by never allowing my father and I to be close. My formative years were spent in front of the TV, joining my chosen daddy on his adventures, climbing up Seattle's social ladder. My real dad died about five years ago. I made sure the straps to lower his casket were replaced with Frasier replica neckties. It meant that my father was more launched into the ground rather than lowered, but it was important we honored my final wishes for him.

Unknown Speaker  3:40  
I hadn't seen a full episode of the show with sound until last year. I watched every season back to back all the way through; five straight days of Frasier. Up until then, I had only seen the show on TVs through the windows of rich people. I had a great time watching them too; them smiling and being happy me outside using their backyard as a toilet. Representation is so important. I mean, Hey, good things take time. Finally, white people with money we're getting to see themselves on their own big screen TVs.

Unknown Speaker  4:08  
That's how we met actually. How long ago is that? What, six years now? Wow.

Sydney  4:14  
What does it they say time flies when you're having fun?

Teddy  4:18  
I believe that is what they say. I remember it like it was yesterday. There I was taking in a rerun. You know the one with Daphne tells Frasier not to go into her room but Frasier being Frasier. He's just got to see what's in there. 

Sydney  4:33  
 Gotta be one of my favourites. 

Teddy  4:35  
Simply put, one of the best. Anyways, so Frasier goes into Daphne's room and then Daphne comes in out of nowhere. And then Frasier is trapped. But he's no dummy. He hides in the closet. Daphne starts undressing and Frasier sitting there like, "I'm a gentleman. What do I do?" He thinks the coast is clear, but then Daphne goes into the bathroom and he's like, "Must be safe." But it's not. 

Sydney  4:56  
No, it certainly isn't.

Unknown Speaker  4:57  
So Daphne comes back and Frasier hides under a blanket of all things and then runs into the bathroom and hides behind the door, but then Daphne comes back into the bathroom to take a shower and Frasier is now stuck in the bathroom with a naked Daphne. The drama continues. Of course, that dastardly dog Eddie comes in and starts drinking from the toilet bowl typical Eddie. Typical Daphne. She starts yelling at him

Daphne  5:24  
Get out right now. Get out!

Frasier Crane  5:26  
Daphne, I'm so sorry!

Yeah, just like that. Can you believe it?

Sydney  5:30  
Not in my wildest dreams. This fucking show. 

Teddy  5:34  
Frasier thinks she's talking about him on account of the fact that he can't even see Eddie. But she's not. She's talking about Eddie. But Frasier being the guy that he is, owns up to everything and reveals himself and then Daphne really freaks out. And Frasier goes running. Fucking hilarious. Ah, there I was sitting there slapping my goddamn knee. When what did I see out of the corner of my eye? I see what I can only describe as a dirty, dirty piece of shit. Looking in from the window laughing along. There she was 

Sydney  6:08  
There I was. It was me. The dirty dirty piece of shit was me. Can you believe it? 

Teddy  6:14  
I invited her inside for a hot toddy and a place to stay. We talked about Frasier all night.

Sydney  6:19  
I'll never forget it. It was the first time I felt safe enough to sleep with just one eye open instead of both eyes open.

Unknown Speaker  6:26  
I'll never forget the way you smelled of gravel and musk. Which is why I made sure you were doused in Frazier's signature bath blend: Jasmine, lavender, rose hips, and a little Tahitian vanilla.

Unknown Speaker  6:36  
It was like I was reborn as like a, like a better version of myself. A better Frasier fan.

Unknown Speaker  6:42  
My parents told me I could keep her for as long as I wanted. They said it would be good for me to be exposed to people below the poverty line. Just like Frasier learned at the end of season one's Christmas episode. I just wanted to extend the same kind of generosity to Syd, here, like Frasier did when he let that poor person rest their head on his shoulder, if only for a moment. Plus, it was nice to have someone around who got it. There's a lot of so called Frasier fans out there. But there are few that share our special brand of obsession. That's why I was so lucky when I found Syd. Finally, someone I could relate to; my equal.

Unknown Speaker  7:15  
Teddy's family took me in like I was one of their own employed staff. It was everything me and my dog Eddie had ever dreamed of.

Teddy  7:21  
In case you were thinking Eddie is a dog. He's actually roadkill that she had stuffed and reworked to look like a jack Russell. It's been awesome. We never run out of things to talk about. I mean, between cheers and Frasier, we got 19 seasons worth of Dr. Crane to gab about.

Unknown Speaker  7:43  
It wasn't just us that were touched by Frasier's good grace and humor, though. It was each and every person who tuned into NBC Thursdays at 9pm. These were the golden years. There hasn't been anything like it since that's captured the imagination of middle aged white men and their well to do offspring. For those who lived through Frasier hysteria. It was a time hard to forget. For those who didn't think Hanson at the height of Mmbop fame, times 10.

Sydney  8:06  
The fandom didn't die down either Frasier remain one of the most popular sitcoms of its era. But on May 13 2004, it was all gone.

Frasier Crane  8:14  
For 11 years, you've heard me say, I'm listening. Well, you were listening too and for that I am eternally grateful. Good night, Seattle.

Unknown Speaker  8:31  
And just like that, the Frasier dynasty had come to an end. 11 years building storylines just to tear them down? Fans were blindsided. Uh, we were blindsided. It came out of nowhere. No explanation, no logical reasoning. Frasier would be leaving us forever.

Unknown Speaker  8:48  
Hearing Frasier say good night Seattle, for one last time brought a tear to even the most Fairweather of fans. But beyond the excruciating pain of TV's greatest loss, no one seemed to be paying attention to another, much more sinister detail. Frasier didn't just leave us. He seemed to have disappeared altogether. Dr. Frasier Crane hasn't been seen in public since the series finale of the show aired. At first we thought he might just be taking a vacation, a well deserved break from it all. But after a while, it was obvious something else was going on.

Unknown Speaker  9:19  
Think about it. After 19 seasons on television, you're telling me it's normal that a guy like Frasier Crane just walks away from it all. Get real. The whole point of the show ending was that he was going to be starting on another show. Frasier didn't just stop appearing on TV. It's like he stopped existing. No more KACL. No more co-hosting the Seattle Christmas parade. No more billboards plastered with that big beautiful head of his 

Sydney  9:44  
In the 24 hour news cycle we live in, it would be easy to forget news like this, but this was never even news. No one seems to care or have even noticed Frasier's disappearance. That's the weirdest part. The world forgetting about Frasier? That's not the world I grew up in and and it's certainly not a world fit for future generations aspiring to fall into a friendship where you're taken in some sort of human pet by a really wealthy family and their Frasier obsessed daughter.

Teddy  10:09  
We waited by the television set to see if the doctor would come back and some reboot or another, but days became months, and months became 15 years. You could say at this point, a lot of us have lost hope that we'll ever see our dear Frasier again.

Sydney  10:22  
And you may be thinking, Why now? What's the point in asking where or why after 15 years? For one thing, it's about time there'd be a place for two super fans to gush about the man in brown. But of course, there's more to it than that. Much more. We think something's up. Underneath the suit, it's a guy somewhere out there with a sad, sad story that we're just trying to piece together. Who arethe establishing characters? What's the climax?

Teddy  10:49  
This sad story, his sad story, has left us on the brink of mental and emotional breakdown. That's the story we're trying to tell.

Sydney  10:57  
So where are we? We have a man at the top of his game with a flock of adoring fans itching for more Frasier. Frasier spent almost two decades basking in the limelight, staying warm under its glow. To then go out into the cold reality of non-fame and give it all up? It just doesn't make any sense.

Teddy  11:21  
I'm Teddy Ivanova and along with fellow Frasier heads Sydney Boniface, we're going to get to the bottom of where Frasier has been. 

Sydney  11:28  
It's possible that we may never find him or that he may sue us. Ultimately, we just want to know our boy is safe. We're doing this because we think Frasier is important. We think his work is important. It's also important that I lose my virginity to someone like him, someone special 

Teddy  11:43  
So, you understand the stakes. Through the series, we're going to look for Frasier. We'll search for him in any way we can, exploring all avenues. The goal is to make sure he's okay. But, we also think it's time he gets back on TV, if not for our own personal entertainment, then for the good of the North American public. Oh, and getting a reboot out of this. Well, that would be a dream.

Sydney  12:04  
Why is he gone? Where could he be? Is there something more sinister going on here? These are the questions we will try to answer. This is have you seen Frasier Crane, a quest to find our fallen Messiah, our one true hero, the man behind the suit, Dr. Frasier Crane.

Teddy  12:38  
So where do we start? Where do we start in our search for a man who has been missing for 15 years? Why don't we start at the beginning.

Sydney  12:46  
audiences were introduced to Dr. Frasier Crane on chairs in 1984. Coming between TV's most famous couple, Sam and Diane, you know the ones that john Mellencamp song was based off of.

Yeah, that one. It is little known that Mellencamp was actually a huge fan of the show. And before you say anything, I know exactly what you're thinking. Wasn't that song called jack and Diane? Yeah, of course it was. But let me finish before you think in any way that I haven't done extensive research on this. Here's the industry scoop. john was sued for infringement reasons by NBC. So Sam was changed to Jack. And that's the whole story.

Teddy  13:29  
Turns out happiness and love make for awful TV. That's why Joey Tribbiani famously ended up alone on friends. Not that I like that show or follow any of its storylines.

Sydney  13:40  
Which naturally leads me back to Frasier. The plan was for him to come in, add a little spice and then exit from the show. 

Teddy  13:47  
Except Not so fast, said Dr. Crane. His likability kept him on week after week and by the end of the show's run, plans for his own series were made official Frasier would have his own spin off and it would be called Frasier.

Unknown Speaker  14:06  
The show was a hit. The doctor went on to be named one of the highest paid personalities on television ever raking in a quarter of a million dollars per episode. That's a lot of money. It's so impressive that hearing myself say it has made me a little horny.

Teddy  14:22  
And what does all that success add up to? Cheers and Frasier are widely considered the best television series ever created. It's pretty undisputed. Ifyou look in the right places. 

Sydney  14:33  
An empire was built, a Frasier Empire. Almost 15 years after the series finale and Frasier merchandise is still never not sold out at the NBC experience store. With all that success, why let it all go? Maybe disappearing was something Frasier needed for himself. After all he's done for us and for the fields of psychology and radio broadcasting. I think he's earned it. To give it up so easily, though. Well, that would mean that he was doing it for the money and there's just no way that can be true. Not for a minute

Teddy  15:04  
Before Frasier disappeared, he had it all money, fame, power, and women. Being Frasier Crane meant something. Since he's been gone, it pains us to admit that his legacy has been lost on the troubled generations of television watchers that have come after us who only get reruns on Christian regulated networks. Now Frasier is just an easy Halloween costume to pull together at the last minute. Grab your grandfather's jury duty two-piece, finish it with a Paisley tie and a bald cap. Ah, it kills me. While I assume Frasier would be flattered by the tribute to his legacy. I think it blows that it's all we have left of him.

Sydney  15:41  
If you're out there listening, Frasier, just know that we're listening. We've always been listening. And we will continue to listen until we get confirmation that you are listening. Like you used to listen on your radio show. Remember, you would say I'm listening. We want to hear from you. set the record straight, Frais. Please,

Teddy  15:58  
if you're an adoring fan of his, but obviously not his biggest fan, though, because that's us. And you have a favorite story or maybe even a lead of where he might be. Call us. Toll Free of course, at 1-833-tossed-salad. That's 1-833-TSDSALD, or 1-833-873-7253. Please leave a very detailed message and we'll let you know if we think your message has any value to our search. And if you're actually Frasier Crane, we're looking for you. We miss you.

Sydney  16:33  
As we've said, there's been no public appearances made by Frasier Crane in 15 years. But if we entertain the theory that Dr. Crane has chosen to pursue a private life, maybe he's exactly where we think he'd be. After all Frasier would be the first person to him and he's a creature of habit.

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  16:54  
Thank you for calling the Puget Sound squash club. How can I help you?

Teddy  16:59  
If Frasier is trying to lay low and live a kind of normal life? Maybe he's been seen at his local haunts. Everybody knows how much Frasier loves his squash could be a good place to start.

Sydney  17:09  
Hi. Yeah, I'm sure you have rules against releasing this kind of information. But once we tell you where Frasier Crane is biggest fans Well, I think he might be willing to help us out. See, we're trying to find out where Frasier is. Has he been around there lately?

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  17:23  
No problem. Just one sec. While I check for you. I'm sorry. What was the name?

Sydney  17:29  
Frasier Crane. Thank you.

Teddy  17:31  
He might also go by Dr. Frasier Crane,

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  17:34  
And he's a member?

Teddy  17:37  
Should be. Unless there's a hotter squash club in town. 

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  17:41  
One moment, please. No, I'm sorry. We don't have a member by that name.

Sydney  17:47  
What? The doctor wouldn't give up squash. I mean, it's the only reason he's probably got the best cardiovascular health of anyone I know. Giving up his career and squash?

Teddy  17:58  
I mean, he's aged. Isn't that a perfectly good reason to give up squash? It's probably the hardest sport on your body. I'd say, probably. 

Sydney  18:07  
Maybe he's just playing squash in another city. The last time we saw him he was moving to San Francisco. Or was it Chicago? I never really figured out where he ended up. I hate open ended finales. Is it too much to ask for a little closure?

Teddy  18:23  
We'll truly know that he's not living in Seattle if we check in on caffeine nervosa,

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  18:26  
sorry to interrupt, is there anything else I can help you with?

Sydney  18:31  
No, that was it. Did you want to hang up? Or, Or should

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  18:37  
I since we're talking, Do either of you play 

Teddy  18:42  
squash? I doubt we have the stamina for it. Then I happen when you dedicate your life to a TV show. I've got the bedsores to prove it.

Puget Sound Squash Club Employee  18:50  
We do have a promo going on right now for new members. Two of you could join for a low cost of 150 a month. It's the lowest rate you'll find in Seattle.

Teddy  18:58  
What a great deal. Did you hear that said clubs here are normally charging at least double that. 

Sydney  19:03  
I mean seems like a long way to travel the play squash. 

Teddy  19:05  
Sign us up please. Who knows where it will lead us maybe rubbing shoulders with the Seattle top dogs will bring us directly to Frasier himself. Plus will be members at Frasier squash club; elite fan status.

Sydney  19:17  
$500 out of Teddy's Trust Fund for first and last month's membership plus fees. And you're looking at the two newest members of the Puget Sound squash club. Even if it doesn't bring us closer to finding Frasier. It sure makes us feel like we now have the kind of status required to find him.

With this new confidence. We called 411 assistance. 

Teddy  19:39  
Why search through phone books and encyclopedias when there's someone being paid with public money to do it for you.

Sydney  19:47  
Operator, please connect us to caffeine Nervosa in Seattle.

411 Operator  19:52  
I don't seem to have a listing for a Cafe Nervos in that location. It was Cafe Nervose? C-A-F-E space N as in Nancy er v as in Victor OSA

Sydney  20:06  
Yeah, that's right.

411 Operator  20:07  
I'm sorry. No. Unfortunately, there's no business listing for a cafe Nervosa in Seattle.

Teddy  20:14  
Really? You don't have anything for cafe nervosa, cafe nervosa, Kenyan cappuccinos, Zimbawe lattes.

Sydney  20:22  
Can you again please?

411 Operator  20:29  
there's still no listing. In fact, there's no record of there ever being a listing for that business.

Sydney  20:37  
No, no, there must be a problem with your system. cafe nervosa, you know from Frasier cortadas. That guy Ben almost ruined it for everyone. We're Niles didn't get a straw with his order that one time. It's cafe nervosa.

411 Operator  20:51  
I said, there's no listing.

Teddy  20:52  
Excuse me. Do you also use that rogue mouth of yours to kiss your cousin?

411 Operator  20:57  
I just,

Teddy  20:58  
I should say, Sorry, I should say so. If I ever pay my taxes, I would be very disappointed to find out they'd be going to someone who kisses their cousin.

411 Operator  21:07  
You're right. I deserve nothing like them. Nothing. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be trapped in the hell that is the 411 assistance.

Sydney  21:17  
Hey, buddy. Listen, I've been there. Here's what you need to do. loiter around the rich neighborhoods for just long and

Teddy  21:25  
we don't have time for this. Frasier waits for no man, especially not a man with a stigma of mental health issues.

Sydney  21:31  
Isn't that exactly what he do? 

Teddy  21:34  
No, no, no. He's a priorities kind of guy. Any fan knows that? 

Sydney  21:39  
Oh, right. Of course he is. I mean, season three, Episode One when Frasier would rather sabotage his own show and get fired than take orders from a woman. I mean, if that's not prioritization, I don't know what it is.

Teddy  21:51  
Yeah, you've got it. Exactly. Right. 

Sydney  21:53  
Well, I guess that means this is goodbye. Sorry to leave you in the middle of a personal crisis. And from what I can tell 411 purgatory, we've got to prioritize just like the doctor did it for ever gonna find him though. 

411 Operator  22:04  
No, please. I don't know where I am begging you. I need help. I think I can see the base of a building. I think I might be in the basement. Listen, can you hear the birds chirping? I think I've distinguished a colony of oriol-.

Sydney  22:22  
I know we did the right thing. But I still kind of feel like sorry, or something. Do you feel bad at all?

Teddy  22:29  
Yeah, I guess I feel a little bad. So what's with the no listing for caffeine Nervosa?

Sydney  22:35  
so weird.

Teddy  22:37  
No, it's like so weird. Wait a second. It's probably just privately listed or something to avoid tourists.

Sydney  22:46  
You know what? That makes total sense. But there's something I need to tell you. That makes no sense. 

Teddy  22:53  
What? 

Sydney  22:54  
You know, I've been saving myself for Frasier.

Teddy  22:57  
Yes. And I think it's the smartest decision you've made about your body since you had your lower back branded with the Seattle skyline. 

Sydney  23:02  
Hey, thank you. I think it's really healed up nicely, actually. I mean, it makes the months of bleeding through my shirts. Totally worth it. 

Teddy  23:09  
Oh, it looks so great.

Sydney  23:11  
Yeah, I am really happy with it. Anyway, since we've started our search, every time I hear Frasier's name, I think getting pretty horny.

Teddy  23:21  
Everyone gets horny when they hear the words. Dr. Frasier Crane,

Sydney  23:25  
don't get me started.

Teddy  23:27  
It's a totally normal reaction, nothing to be embarrassed about.

Sydney  23:30  
Yeah, it's just that we've been talking to people at his squash club and like talking about cafe nervosa, and suddenly I'm drier than Frazier season. 11 dry spell, you know the one that was so dry it made him go against his morals and got him involved in an extramarital affair.

Teddy  23:47  
 Dry. Really? That is weird. 

Sydney  23:51  
Is something wrong with me? 

Teddy  23:52  
I'm sure it's... wait. Okay, let me try something. What happens when I say Giorgio Armani suit jacket? Okay, okay. Seattle.

Sydney  24:09  
Nope, okay. There's nothing nothing whatever progress we made gone it sand and cobwebs down there as far as I'm concerned.

Teddy  24:17  
What about coastal living?

Sydney  24:21  
Yeah!

Teddy  24:23  
Yes, Syd. Yes. You magnificent horny virgin. We;ll find Frasier yet!

Sydney  24:28  
What? What What do you mean? 

Don't you see, your horniness is working like a radar. No better. A Fra-dar. He wasn't in Seattle. That's what your libido was in reacting. I suggest in Oceanside city and your body takes over in some kind of euphoric display. This is the key to finding Frasier, coastal living. He's gotta be in San Francisco.

Radio Host  24:52  
All right, we're back on the scene with a little gleam in our eyes and ready to take on the day. What's doing? what's happening? You're listening to k n tr This is Tom gillihan, the host of the Tom gillihan show. We're taking goals, lots to talk about 555 3000 our first callers today are self proclaimed. superfans. Let's hear what these two have to say. What's cracking in your coffee, You two?

Sydney  25:17  
Hello. We're looking for Frasier Crane. Have you seen him?

Radio Host  25:22  
Frasier Crane? Well, I don't think I know that guy.

Sydney  25:25  
Oh. Oh, you're kidding. He says he doesn't know.

Radio Host  25:30  
Wait. From that show? The bald man in the suit?

Sydney  25:33  
That's the guy.

Radio Host  25:35  
No, I haven't seen him. I'm up at the crack of dawn. Put my pants on and I'm out the door by two. I don't get no time to party on.

Teddy  25:42  
I can't understand a single fucking word from this guy. I don't believe it. Sir, we're working on a tight schedule here. Have you seen Frasier Crane? Or not?

Radio Host  25:51  
Kowabungda No way. No how. 

Teddy  25:53  
Speak English you hack. I swear to God, I'm gonna lose it on this guy.

Sydney  25:57  
I don't think he's seen him.

Teddy  25:58  
Damnit. If he was in San Francisco, local radio hosts would definitely know about it. Well, I guess he's not in San Francisco then.

Radio Host  26:06  
Well, good luck with your search super fans. Thanks for the call. All right, time for Tyler Titan of thunder with the weather. What's up big boy.

Unknown Speaker  26:15  
Frasier Crane accepts a job offer in San Francisco, aka front page news. And you're telling me that he's not at the top of every local radio personalities mind? How's your horniness by the way?

Sydney  26:26  
Nothing. Maybe the whole Fra-dar thing was a fluke. 

Teddy  26:29  
Strange. I'm usually never wrong.

Sydney  26:32  
Let's just think about this for a second. We know Frasier probably isn't in Seattle. If he's not playing squash, and if cafe Nervosa was ruined by tourists, why stay? And there's just no way that Frasier would set up shop in Chicago. I mean, for one, his relationships never last and to Frasier ending up in the Midwest. Yeah, and if he's in San Francisco, I mean, he's not big news. It's not possible. Ergo, he's not in San Francisco. So if he's not in Seattle, he's not in Chicago or San Francisco... 

Teddy  27:05  
Boston.

Cheers Employee  27:09  
Cheers. Beacon Hill.

Sydney  27:11  
Hi. Yeah. Have you seen Frasier Crane around there lately?

Cheers Employee  27:16  
What's your fucking say?

Sydney  27:17  
Yes, I'm I said, Have you seen Frasier Crane around there lately?

Cheers Employee  27:20  
 I got a fucking restaurant to run. What are a couple of southies trying to pull a half-assed prank? Fuck yous!

Teddy  27:31  
I guess what they say about people from Boston is true. But this is bigger than cultural differences. 

Cheers Employee  27:40  
Cheers Beacon Hill. 

Teddy  27:41  
You listen here. We're Frasier's biggest fans. He's missing maybe even dead for all we know. This is hardly a prank. We'd like to know if you've seen Frasier Crane, please. 

Cheers Employee  27:51  
I've got a bar full of tourists willing to pay $15 for genuine draft with a cheer sticker on it. Screw.

Sydney  27:59  
Please! Surely you must understand. Your very bar is the reason we have Frasier to begin with.

Cheers Employee  28:04  
He's a character. He's not real. For Christ's sakes. Jesus fucking crhist..

Sydney  28:10  
What did she just say? He's not real? Was that supposed to mean? 

Cheers Employee  28:16  
La-di-dah. Dawn breaks on Marblehead. Get a fucking life.

Sydney  28:22  
I don't understand. I don't understand. Why would you say Frasier isn't real 

Teddy  28:27  
Hold on, hold on. Calm down. We know our guy. We know Frasier. He's as real as and of Green Gables. If he wasn't real, then why did I just talk to someone who works at cheers? Why can I go to Prince Edward Island and buy raspberry cordial? Hmm.

Sydney  28:42  
I mean, I guess they could exist to make money. No. But But how do we even check something like that?

Teddy  28:49  
Where do people get the most up to date information?

Sydney  28:52  
We've managed to avoid the poisonous landscape of the internet up until now, but the time has come to dive in and dive in deep.

Okay.

What? What does that say?

What does that say? Teddy? What the fuck does that say? 

Teddy  29:11  
Dr. Frasier Winslow Crane is a fictional character on the American television sitcoms. Cheers and Frasier airing potrayed by Kelsey Grammar? Fictional Wait, which one is fictional? Oh, oh, no. He's not real. 

What? He's not real? No!

On the next episode of Have you seen Frasier Crane? Of course. Of course. It was Tony Shalhoub. 

Interviewer  29:55  
A lot of great actors up in your category. We've got Larry David Matt LeBlanc Long Kelsey Grammer

Tony Shalhoub  30:02  
Kelsey Grammer. I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Sydney  30:07  
This series is co hosted by Teddy Ivannova and Sydney Boniface and is produced by Carlie MacFee, Matt Rubio and me Sydney Boniface. Music and audio production by Nick DiGaetano. voices for this episode were provided by Christina Cicko as Puget Sound squash club employee, Keegan vallincourt as 411 operator, Nick de gaetano as Tom gallahand and Wendy Fox as cheers employee. Have you seen Frasier Crane concept developed by Sydney Boniface and Lauren Andrews and episodes written by Sydney Boniface.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai