#212 Ruari Fairbairns - Quit Alcohol Today & Change Your Life Forever

Ruari Fairbairns is an entrepreneur, TEDx speaker, and the co-founder of One Year No Beer, a global platform designed to challenge society's perceptions about alcohol and its impact on health, productivity, and relationships. 

With a successful career in oil brokering, Ruari's personal journey to overcome his struggle with alcohol has inspired a movement that helps others redefine their relationship with drinking.

In this episode, we explore the deep-rooted influence of alcohol in society, from advertising and social norms to historical practices, and how these factors integrate alcohol into our daily lives. 

Ruari offers insights into his journey of breaking free from alcohol, emphasising the benefits on mental clarity, physical health, and personal success. We also dive into One Year No Beer's methods to help individuals manage or quit alcohol.

If this video changed your perception of alcohol, please let me know in the comments!


Ruari’s LinkedIn: Ruari Fairbairns

My Socials:

Instagram: Darrenlee.ks
LinkedIn: Darren Lee
Twitter: Darren_ks


(00:00) Preview and Introduction
(01:20) Why Is Quitting Alcohol Difficult For Most?
(06:57) The Societal Pressures of Alcohol 
(12:54) How To Say No To Alcohol
(16:28) How Alcohol Ads Manipulate Us
(20:30) The Dark Side of The Alcohol Industry
(25:16) The Reality of Drinking In Your 20s 
(32:15) What is “Complete Control” 
(36:08) Impact of Alcohol on Personal and Professional Life
(43:15) Alcohol Quitting: Slow Progress, High Impact
(48:47) Finding Purpose After Quitting
(51:48) Occasional Drinking is Killing You Slowly
(57:23) Using Psychedelics to Quit Alcohol?
(01:03:53) The Benefits of The Carnivore Diet
(01:06:35) Ruari’s Nutrition and Supplement Stack 

Transcript

Ruari: 0:00

You might say well, that person needs to stop because they have a problem. What we're seeing across this broad is maybe not necessarily that you have a problem or you don't have a problem. The question is is alcohol causing you problems?

Darren: 0:12

Whenever I put up content related to alcohol, I always get messages from younger people being like oh well, you must have a problem or whatnot.

Ruari: 0:18

Environment is really, really key.

Darren: 0:20

When you break away to that point then you almost have the confidence to not go back.

Ruari: 0:24

When you look at the advertising, they've started to shift towards alcohol-free versions.

Darren: 0:29

Alcohol is holding you back and you don't even realize it. Rory is here to break down exactly what happens when you drink alcohol and the impact it's having on your body, your brain, your performance and your business. He's the founder of One Year no Beer, helping people control their alcohol consumption and driving it to zero. He's transformed the lives of entrepreneurs high achievers, to live a better life and achieve more through an alcohol-free lifestyle. This podcast is a deep dive into the science, the theory, the effects and the impact of alcohol on your body, and at the end of this podcast, you could have a completely different perspective. Before we start this week's episode, I have one little favor to ask you. Can you please leave a five star rating below so we can help more people every single week. Thank you, let's kick off. Well, man, I really appreciate this. I've been actually buzzing for this all week, man, Super, super, super excited for this. And where I want to start is one of your stats so 84 percent of people don't want to quit alcohol. Why do you think that?

Ruari: 1:31

is okay. 94 percent of people don't want to quit alcohol. It's interesting because this comes from a um you know piece of research we did, um, well, still ongoing, I think. Now nearly 40 000 people around the world have taken this and in it we asked the question what would you like your relationship with alcohol to look like? And of that, 6% of people want to stop drinking. 94% would like some various different answers. I don't know what to do, but I need to do something. I would like to be able to drink less, I would like to be able to take it or leave it, but ultimately, the vast majority of people don't want to stop drinking. And you asked me why do I think that is Well, because we live in the world we live in. I mean, it's absolutely saturated in alcohol.

Ruari: 2:14

There are so many things that has happened over, you know, the last hundred years with alcohol. That means that you know, if you look at what alcohol was, it was really a social elixir. You know the community would get together into the pub and this would be the element of connection. And then you brought the you know the big alcohol in and they started realizing that what they could do is they could market it to different areas of life. So it became attached to celebration, commiseration, you know, relaxation, mummy, wine, time, winding down, switching off at the end of the day, being cool, being sexy, all of those things. And that happened over decades and decades. And then society really gathers the momentum with that, picks that up and runs with it, and so it is ingrained in society that, you know, in most cultures Ireland, scotland you know pretty heavy drinking cultures, you know, whether you're a man or not is decided on how much and how quickly you can drink.

Ruari: 3:15

You know, and I remember standing with a group of guys and they were talking about, you know, the cricket competition this year and they were like Well, you know, we really want to win this year. You know the cricket competition this year. And they were like well, you know, we really want to win this year. You know we really really got to win this year. And one of the guys was like well, why don't we invite Paul? He's the best player by far. And the guys were like yeah, we should, we should. And then one guy was like but yeah, he doesn't drink. And then everyone was like yeah, yeah, no, we can't invite Paul, so they'd rather lose the cricket competition than they would have somebody who doesn't drink.

Ruari: 3:49

And so it becomes this element and because we're around that through our younger years, we're very impressionable, even when we're on our nappies. We're watching parents celebrate, commiserate, congratulate with alcohol. We're watching. Every moment is seeded by alcohol, that it becomes very ingrained in us and we then repeatedly do it, which is why changing a relationship with it is difficult.

Ruari: 4:16

Now, when we say no one really wants to stop drinking, there's obviously the people who go who find out that they've got significant issues. So the alcohol keeps causing significant problems. You might say that once you become, you might use the word alcoholic. I don't use that word. In fact, in the scientific community we don't use that word. We talk about alcohol use disorder and so you might say well, that person needs to stop because they have a problem. But similarly, what we're seeing across this broad is maybe not necessarily that you have a problem or you don't have a problem.

Ruari: 4:57

The question is is alcohol causing you problems? Is when you're drinking? Is it causing issues? Are there some blackouts? You don't remember what happened last night and does that worry you? Does that concern you that you didn't know how you got home? Or you didn't know how you got to bed.

Ruari: 5:13

Um, what about you know? Did you step into your car? Well, you do realize that if you get caught or worse, if somebody steps out in front of you after a few drinks, that's prison time. Right, um know, that's rolling a dice, but so then, what about you know? What about how you're showing up at work? You know whether you run your own business like we do. Don't know why, we're all nuts, but anyway, let's say you run your own business. You have to be nuts to run your own business. And let's say you run your own business.

Ruari: 5:45

And I say to people all the time you know if you absolutely smashing out the park, like if you put together all the best bits of yourself over the last few decades when you were a hundred percent in all areas, if that's you at a hundred percent, what percentage of you is showing up at work on Monday after drinking at the weekend?

Ruari: 5:58

And is that percentage, you know, 80%, 50%, 30%? Are you moving meetings around? Are you avoiding situations? Do you cancel some stuff? Do you just not bother? Do you delay it? Do you say can't be bothered to exercise today? All of those things?

Ruari: 6:12

Well then, yeah, alcohol is causing problems. Alcohol is costing you money. You're leaving cash on the table. It's costing your health, it's costing your mental health. So very long winded answer coming back into here, is that I think that, because of alcohol so ingrained in society, I think the vast majority of people would just like to be able to drink a bit less. And I think that comes in two parts. One, I'd like to not rely on it so much, you know, maybe taking the edge off at the end of the day, or maybe to go out socially and just have one or two and call it a day. And similarly with the binge element, you know, I'd rather. I'd rather that once I start I don't go on to absolute craziness and be the one calling shots and dancing half naked on a table, which was usually me. So 100%.

Darren: 6:57

And man, I was exact, same as you. Right, we have very similar, very similar early twenties. And what I think is very interesting here my mind is firing and we're going to jump around a lot right Is the fact that people pursue people. People presume you have to have a problem or you must've had a really big problem to quit alcohol. That's when you should quit, right? It's like people presume you need to. You need to be the drunk at the pub watching the cricket or watching the rugby or watching the football, and the guy at the bottom of the bear, he's the one with the problem.

Darren: 7:25

But for me, the way I look at it is like you didn't achieve full potential. So let me just walk through the scenario. So I was working in investment banking in London. I was in Canary Wharf. I wasn't a broker at that much, but I wasn't far from it.

Darren: 7:38

And I remember, just not. I remember being slightly I wouldn't say depressed, but down, because I wasn't living up to my full potential. I was partying a lot, I was doing Thursdays and Fridays and Saturdays out, and then that made me be very anxious as a result. And then it wasn't until many years later, when I got to 25, 26, where I realized wait, what the fuck just happened? The past four years, I thought I'd be hitting, you know, multi, six figures a year, or coming up to making like even like a million a year at like this, this age Cause I'm you know, there are goals I want to hit too, and I wasn't, and it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong, it's just the fact that I wasn't getting the most out of what I could do.

Darren: 8:15

So and just for context, what happened was I moved to Singapore and I was working for a tech company in Singapore, and because alcohol is super fucking expensive in Singapore, I didn't drink. And then I went one month, I went three months, I went six months and I wasn't. Will I drink again? It's why would I drink again? Because I was growing my podcast, growing my business, getting fitter, getting healthier, better relationships with my girlfriend, better relationships, even my dogs, genuinely just better relationships with people in general, and I thought that's very interesting.

Darren: 8:44

So now, whenever I put up content related to alcohol, I always get messages from younger people being like oh well, you must have a problem or whatnot. But then the other side is a lot of messages that I get and we can go through this and diagnose it is most men message me 18, 21 saying, hey, I really want to get fit, I really want to build my first business, but I can't because of my friends pulling me back in and it actually breaks my heart. Man People are like oh, I wish I could do something, but I keep getting pulled down into the pub. So, like, what advice do you have for someone there that's being restricted by their social circle and they're being nearly forced to drink and move away from their goals?

Ruari: 9:18

Yeah, well, I mean, this is the really important thing. I mean, environment is absolutely key to changing behavior. And, and you know, most people are in that environment where it's just completely ingrained. You know, I was from the Isle of Mull, it's just that's what you do, everyone drinks and West Scotland, yeah, exactly. So environment is is really, really key. And if you look at the, the let's, let's just explain the behavioral economics here so that you understand.

Ruari: 9:48

There's a piece of behavior research where they take a teacher and they take a group of kids. Now let's say there's 30 kids there, 29 are actors and one is the child who's in the study, if you like, and the teacher is presenting a question. Which one of these lines is the longest? And it's very obviously A, it is a very, very long line. B is a bit shorter, d is much shorter, sorry, c and D is very, very short, okay. And then it goes through the people answering the question. The kids answer the question First kid, I think it's D. The wrong answer. I think it's D, I think it's Steve. So they all say the wrong answer. When it gets ran to the kid who is not an actor, the kid is like I think it's D. Every single time, the kid will say the wrong answer Every time.

Ruari: 10:35

Right, because of that societal peer pressure. This is how we behave as human beings. We follow the way our community is behaving. Now what happens is if you change that dynamic and one person in that group expresses doubt, so they say well, I think it could be A, which is the right one, but I'm going to go for D because everybody else is, then every single time, the child, who's not an actor, will go for the correct answer it is A.

Ruari: 11:05

So what we need is an expression of doubt. We don't need to change our entire environment. So what does that mean for people who are surrounded by drinkers? There's drinkers all around you, right? Well, first of all, I would say, if you're trying to build a business and everyone around you is into fishing or farming and drinking, every single, you know four nights a week, and whatever it is fishing or farming and drinking, every single, you know four nights a week, and or whatever it is right, um, they're, they're, they're in industries or whatever, that kind of behavior move 100%, fucking 100% go to somewhere where you can network with our entrepreneurs and you can be around with the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

Ruari: 11:43

Do you want to be like them or do you want to build a successful business? Okay, dramatic. If you can't do that, let's just say you can't move right now. Then join an online program where you're going to spend your evenings. You know, maybe it's one of your communities or another community where you're going to spend your evenings networking with guys who are building their businesses, and that's your expression of doubt, that is your sense of belonging. Again, another, just a little description in here, so you understand how powerful this is.

Ruari: 12:13

As human beings, right, we are constantly evaluating almost every single situation based on our status in society. Okay, now, depending on where your mental health is and how you are in the world and how weathered you've been and everything else, the vast majority of us do not want to do things that lower our status Okay, so we'll actively avoid those things. Instead, we're trying to do things that either maintain or increase our status. Guess what not drinking is in society? It's absolutely frowned upon. It's looked as this weakness, like you had a problem. You're weak. You're not one of the guys blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that's why there's so much resistance to do it.

Ruari: 12:54

And inside again, is this element of tribalism right? So our tribe, the one that we've been grown up with, the one that we've been around, everyone that we've been associating with all our life, drinks alcohol, is indoctrinated with alcohol and believes that alcohol is the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, if we changed it to you know some kind of other painful behavior like literally chaining a studded chain around your chest so it bleeds. What's that thing in Catholic? You put it around, put it around the leg, so that you're cutting into yourself, right, and everyone's like this is amazing, it helps me build stress. And you're like, okay, well, I'm just going to keep going on with that and keep bleeding until one day you're like I don't think that's helping me. I'm going to listen to my own self-doubt here, which is that's fine for you guys, that you want to go and do that all the time. But in the back of my brain, my heart, my soul, my subconscious is saying to me you know what Alcohol is holding you back. So then you go to the tribe and say, hey, I'm thinking about not drinking. Well, you may as well tell the tribe that you're leaving.

Ruari: 13:55

Guess what happens when somebody tries to leave the tribe? The tribe goes come back, don't go, you'll get eaten by lions, don't be crazy, stay here. So they're like go, you'll get eaten by lions, don't be crazy, stay here. So they're like come on, just have a drink, go on, go on, go on. You know, mrs Doubtfire? No, mrs, what's her? You will, you will, you will, go on, go on, go on.

Darren: 14:12

But it's been like 10 years since I saw that.

Ruari: 14:16

What's her name? Mrs Doyle. Mrs Doyle, that's right, they're all like Mrs Doyle, Go on, you will, you will come on and have one. So anyway, and that's the importance, once again, of having that tribe. So this is why we built a community.

Ruari: 14:28

We built a community of people who are choosing to change their relationship with alcohol, who are choosing to drink less, who are focused on optimal health, peak performance, building businesses, being successful, being good parents, being present, loving partners, building and leaving a legacy right. This is what this community is trying to do, and in order to do that, they know they need to drink less alcohol. And when you join a community like that, when you're in the bar right or at the wedding, or you're surrounded by people who are drinking and somebody says to you come on, just have one, it doesn't happen consciously. It happens subconsciously that your subconscious checks your status and it goes. Are you changing your status? And because you belong to a community of people who are telling you that the status is higher by choosing not to drink, you go. No thanks, I don't want that drink right now. And that's the power of being amongst a community.

Darren: 15:22

Oh my God, I love that man. I love that because a lot of guys will not have someone to turn to right and they don't have other people, and the only reason why, the only reason why it kind of worked for me, was the fact that I kind of couldn't and I was like away, right, and that was what was relevant to me. And it was only because, to be honest, man, I would actually say that if I, if things didn't start progressing in a really good way, like I was getting, the positive feedback of the business was growing, the podcast was going, I was getting fitter and healthier and I actually had a high performance coach at the same time. Roughly, when I gave up it was actually non-related, but he also had quit alcohol too previously, which is probably subconscious, but I had a lot of positive feedback, basically of things moving the right way. But what I'm trying to say here is that if I didn't have things that were working in the right way, maybe I could have ended up going back to some house event on a weekend and going to this event, going that event, all the stuff I would have naturally have done and caught into that kind of loop. But that can but the reason I'm saying this is because usually when you break away to that point, then you almost have the confidence to not go back. It could have been just my own anecdotal experience, right, but I think that's the difference when you are kind of out on your own.

Darren: 16:28

Now what I would like to kind of get into is mainly around the economics of it. So this is fucking crazy. So alcohol is a $2 trillion industry of marketing, right, and that actually upsets me. And the reason why it upsets me is because a lot of times it's not marketed towards, you know, super older people. It's marketed at a younger people coming through. And you know I'm based in Asia. I've spent a lot of time in South America and there's a tobacco is legally advertised. So you could be in the middle of nowhere in South America and you will see cigarettes being advertised and kids 14, 15 smoking them.

Darren: 17:02

Now we look at that now and think, whoa, that's terrible. Oh, like what are Western views that? Oh, that's terrible. But the same thing is happening for alcohol. You have the Champions League, you have the Heineken Cup, you have all this shit right Now we don't realize that that's actually happening, and it's only until you get yourself out of it, that you look at it Now. What's your kind of view on that? Because, like to most people, they just don't understand this. I don't understand why Do you want to launch a podcast for your business but you don't know where to start? Remove the stress, pressure and all the overwhelm that comes with it by working with Podcast University. If you're an ambitious individual who wants to build your influence online, grow your own podcast and also stand out from the crowd, podcast University is for you. We help you with the strategy, equipment, the content, your guests everything you need to create a top tier podcast. If you want to learn more, check out Podcast University and start your podcast journey today.

Ruari: 17:57

Yeah, well, I think so. The first thing is alcohol. I know that we all think it's the best thing since sliced bread, but the truth is the game is up with alcohol, right, and it's going to take us quite a long time for society to change, but we now know it's one of the world's most harmful drugs. Professor David Nutt proved this more harmful to both the people who take it and people are wider society around, and he proved it in multiple governments around Europe, wrote books about it, got kicked out of the UK government for proving it because they just didn't want to believe it.

Ruari: 18:29

So alcohol is incredibly detrimental to your physical health, your mental health. It attacks your stress coping mechanisms, making you be able to deal with less stress over time. If you're regularly consuming alcohol, it's having a significant impact on your mental health, your productivity. Regularly consuming alcohol. It's having a significant impact on your mental health, your productivity, your physical health. That's just a fact. Okay, so it really isn't good for us, but it's incredibly prevalent in society and so because of that, I don't think you know. As we said, most people don't want to stop drinking. That's why we need to help people reduce and control their drinking, and by helping them reduce significantly. We're going to increase all those things. We're going to improve their mental health, we're going to improve their physical health, we're going to improve their productivity, we're going to improve their relationships, all of those wonderful things. So what was the question? Again?

Darren: 19:25

the marketing behind it. So mainly and you talk about the matrix of alcohol, and I'm 100% in agreement like the system that is designed for profit by a government driven to younger people, to indoctrinate them, to tell people that it's okay.

Ruari: 19:35

Not just younger people, I mean the the. The boom right now is in females. You know 50 plus is the biggest issue of of drinking. Um so well, alcohol consumption is still growing globally. You know, things happened during the pandemic. The licensing laws changed in America. They got it changed into an emergency, seemed to have it delivered and so 24-7 access to alcohol. Alcohol consumption grew 20% in the US in that year. So you know, the alcohol consumption is not going away.

Ruari: 20:08

When you look at the advertising, they've started to shift towards alcohol-free versions. But it's been like that way for a decade or more. In Sweden they banned alcohol advertising and yet alcohol sales did not decline. Why? Because people don't see the zero, they just see the brand, they just see Guinness, they just see Stella Arpoire. So that makes them go into the bar and order the alcohol drink that they want.

Ruari: 20:30

Very clever alcohol industry. I think the big thing here is you know, in the alcohol industry, I think, unlike the tobacco industry, which paid for huge amounts of misinformation and research, funded misinformation and research, tried for decades to delay the truth that cigarettes were highly toxic and a class one carcinogen, which alcohol is a class one carcinogen? They tried for a long time we know, the alcohol industry has been doing the same thing. It was proven that they were paying for research and studies to prove that moderation is healthy for you, all of those kinds of things. So, that being said, the way I think that we can see a shift here is that, unlike the tobacco industry, the alcohol industry has an opportunity to change the substance. And the thing is, why do we need a substance? Well, we need a substance because we live in the most stressful world we've ever lived in and we need a way to take the edge off. And we don't want to deal with our shit. Most people don't. We want to run away with it, so we'd rather have a drug or a thing that we can take to deal with our shit rather than actually go and do the work. And so, as long as society is that way angled, we're going to want something, and I think that we have an opportunity to create functional drinks, which we're seeing a huge rise of.

Ruari: 21:50

I really believe that functional drinks is the future, over just alcohol-free drinks. I think that we're seeing nootropic style drinks. We're seeing CBD drinks increasing significantly. Professor David Nutt, once again, is currently working on something called Alkarel, which is synthetic alcohol which basically doesn't give you the hangover, something that he wants to prove and then license back to the alcohol industry. So I think we have an opportunity to move away from something that is completely carcinogenic and causes significant societal health issues. I mean, the cost to the government is enormous. You look at tax revenues versus cost to government. It doesn't make sense. It's like this is insane 52 billion cost to the society in the UK right Versus a billion or two of tax money. Why don't they just make this decision? Well, there's some interesting thoughts here, or conspiracy theorists that just say that.

Darren: 22:47

I want to hear it. I want to hear it. Tell me them all.

Ruari: 22:49

The biggest drinking population right now is successful white 40 plus year olds, and the vast majority of I mean forget ethnicity for a second, because there's lots of different drinking cultures but 40 plus, the vast majority of those run our countries, they run our large organizations and they run our countries and they make our decisions, and so it propagated for that main reason. So it's not going to go away immediately. A huge amount of money is involved in this thing and it's still massively in demand by society. A huge amount of money is involved in this thing and it's still massively in demand by society. I mean, you could go tomorrow and put prohibition in place and ban alcohol, but I mean, imagine the outrage and I don't think that's the way we do it.

Ruari: 23:36

You know, the reality of what we're seeing here, if we pivot to the other side, is look, all I'm saying to you is you want to build your business this year. You want to improve your marriage, you want to be able to handle a higher level of stress. You want to be fitter, healthier, happier, you want to leave a legacy, you want to be a great parent, a great dad, a great mother, you want to be a great partner. In fact, what we really want is everything that you want, everything that you're truly aiming for in your life, is actually being taken away by alcohol. It really is. It's not adding to any of those things. It's taking away from your productivity and your success in your business. You think it brings you business. It's a lie. I thought it was bringing me business.

Ruari: 24:14

And then, when I actually changed my relationship with alcohol, I doubled my business in the first year. So you know that's the truth. When you actually add in productivity is that everything that you really want is on the other side of you, changing your relationship with alcohol, and it's not going to cost you much to find out if that's bullshit or not. Like, why not just give it a shot? Why not just give it a shot? And if you suddenly see all the stats improve, if you see your health markers improve, your weight loss finally shakes off.

Ruari: 24:42

Niggling health issues disappear. I mean, there's a plethora of niggling health issues that evaporate from people who come through our program. Mental health issues evaporate because you've started to work on some of these things. You're like wow, I wasn't anxious, I wasn't depressed, I was just drinking a depressant every day. I was just drinking something that creates anxiety every day. Wow, I wasn't unable to cope with my stress in my business. I was just drinking a very powerful tool at sabotaging my stress coping mechanisms. So that's on the other side of just giving it a shot, of trying to change your relationship with alcohol.

Darren: 25:16

It's all those subtle nuances that people think that it doesn't affect, right, because the stress one is very, very interesting, the fact that your mental health or how you handle stress or how you handle situations. So, giving a personal experience here, when I worked in tech and I drank, I could barely run a fucking team Like I was all over the place, right, I was just very anxious, anxious going into calls and stuff. Now fast forward a few years. Obviously I'm managing my own business, which is way bigger and a bigger scale, and everything At a fraction, fraction of the stress. I wake up, I walk, I walk, I write, I read and then I start work. It's much more of a different framing and now obviously you walk before you can run, right, but I think that detangling is quite interesting. Now, the societal pressures is something you always talk about and you have the research paper with Sterling University 58% of people feel regularly pressured into drinking and that example you had was from nurses and people that work in those kind of conducive environments. Now let's take a step back.

Darren: 26:14

My first role was in a bank, big bank in Canary Wharf, and I'll remember two things, two things I want to say. First day I walked in and my background's in bodybuilding right, I competed in bodybuilding in my early twenties, hyper-competitive, you know, very competitive, like individual sport, right. That's just kind of just the way my brain is kind of wired. I walked into this office and I remember distinctly everyone face down, overweight, massively overweight, very down, very like depressed this gray room in Canary Wharf and most people never got up to step outside and that was like the culture of it and people would actually look at me saying, hey, like you know, these young days of your early twenties where you've all this energy, you're going to go like, you're going to go whatever. That was the first instance, which which sent all these tremors to my brain.

Darren: 26:56

The second instance was when I was later in that office that week and they said, well, you know, we do like thirsty Thursdays every Thursday. And I was like every Thursday and he said, yeah, yeah, every Thursday you finish a five, you go downstairs onto the green in Canary Wharf and you drink basically until that, until you go home at like one or two in the morning. And I was like, but wait, I have to go to the gym at six in the morning on Fridays. That was literally my response. And they're like, well, you're not doing that anymore, and I said no, I said I'm not doing it. And I was the only person I swear on my mother's life who didn't do it. And I just think. I just think of that continuously because I see that happening. All of my friends who stayed in those careers are just caught in that perpetual loop. So I'd love to get your experience of like how that was like back in the early 2000s or whenever that was for you 2010 maybe.

Ruari: 27:47

Yeah, yeah, I mean it's interesting coming out of that that um broken world and how saturated it was into there and how difficult it was. You know, like you've said, you know people are just like why would you change your relationship with that? Why do you want to stop drinking? You know that's the thing for people is, it starts with a scratching in the back of the head. You're like I think this alcohol thing is is holding me back, right, and you're like that's the little whisper. And then you start to listen to the whisper a little bit. And then you approach some friends and you're like you know, I'm thinking about drinking less alcohol, I'm thinking about stopping drinking. What the what the fuck? What are you talking about? Stop drinking. If I could drink all day, every day, I would right Okay, well, maybe I, maybe I, maybe I, maybe I just keep that to myself. You know it's a bit like coming out of the closet. You know you're like Christ, I'm not doing that now, shut the door. I've come out of the closet, but you know, maybe this time I'm kidding I'm happily married with a lovely wife, um, so, um, yeah. And then I, you know, I approached my boss and my boss was like you are committing commercial suicide if you stop drinking. Um and um, yeah, well, that just means that the business is is requires you to drink, you know. So your job is to take people out and get them shit face and um. You know, I was very good at that. But there'll be a lot of business owners who are like but really every time I go networking the relationship, the best relationships I build are after blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, having all these drinks and yeah, I did build good, some good relationships like that but when I changed up how I was entertaining, I built much better relationships. You know, for example, it's no problem if you guys want to drink, that's, that's perfect.

Ruari: 29:24

In the beginning, I hired two juniors and I brought them along with me to every single meeting and I just said they're drinking for me. Whatever you, wherever I should be drinking, they'll drink it for me. And people thought this was absolutely hilarious and they would get absolutely shit faced and I would be completely sober and I'll be like I'll be on the numbers for you tomorrow. Everything you say to me I'm going to remember and I'm going to be a far better broker for you the next day. And then on Friday, I was the only broker in the industry who wasn't hung over or depressed or still asleep in the disabled toilets, which is what used to happen to me. So you know that was that was a massive game changer for me. And similarly, you know now what we are doing.

Ruari: 30:02

Helping people with control is another evolution. I mean I've, over the last decade, I've helped hundreds of thousands of people stop drinking, take a break from drinking. But I saw the same thing happen again is that people would stop. They could do a month, six months, a year. They would stop drinking and then they'd go back. They'd do a month, six months, a year. They would stop drinking and then they'd go back, they'd have a drink and they'd quickly be back to problematic drinking.

Ruari: 30:23

And if that's you right, if you're listening to this and you're like, well, I've kind of stopped before, but then I drink again, then I stopped before and I drink again just to wind that path forward, what you are psychologically doing is creating a worse problem with alcohol, right, and because you're going in search of abstinence as the solution, right, and that when you do drink, it causes problems, and so you're like, well, hang on a minute, my only solution is to be abstinent, which basically means you're heading towards that place of sobriety. Now, absolutely right, not drinking is the best version of yourself 100, but it's not realistic for me. I never wanted to not drink forever. I didn't want, want to be sober or anything like that. I knew that I wanted to go to a place where I could have one and leave it at that, or I could have a couple and leave it like that. And so, for me, that sent me on a journey of trying to understand. You know what does drive compulsive behavior. I literally invested hundreds of thousands of pounds. Thankfully for being an oil broker, I could do that kind of thing. I've worked with some of the top scientists around the world neuroscientists from Yale University, stanford, ucl. I worked with some of the top coaches and I started to understand and see.

Ruari: 31:27

We know from science what drives compulsive behavior. We know whether it's alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sugar, porn, gambling Sounds like a great night out, I'm kidding. So we know what drives compulsion. So why don't we start there with people? Instead of telling them that they have a problem or that they are this or that you have a disease which is a fucking lie, excuse my French why don't we just tell them that there are things in our lives that can drive the sense of compulsive behavior? We know what they are, we can change them, and if you change those things and you still have a very significant compulsion for the thing at the end of it, then, yeah, maybe go down that road where you have to call yourself a name, um and um, be abstinent from it forever, because if you do drink it or touch it again, you know you'll die Um.

Ruari: 32:15

And we launched that program two years ago. It's called Complete Control. It's designed for specifically for business owners, execs, high achievers and it's been completely revolutionary. It is amazing. So 100% of people come in to get control of their drinking. 93% of people after the program choose to carry on alcohol free. A year later, 78% of people are still choosing to be alcohol-free even though they wanted control before, which is amazing and 22% are controlling their drinking.

Ruari: 32:44

But beyond that, what people are saying is it's profoundly life-changing. And the reason why they say it's profoundly life-changing is because their life is what is driving the desire for alcohol right. It has to be life changing. So when we look at what drives it, let's just go through some of those. Number one.

Ruari: 33:07

The source for the majority of us seeking to self-soothe well, try saying that 15 times is our past experiences as a child. What happens is in our childhood and this is from zero through to predominantly seven years old is that you don't have a prefrontal cortex, that area behind your forehead that we use for rational decision-making, understanding the world, about making sense of the world. So when somebody shouts at us at a young age, we don't understand. We feel an intense emotion and we pack that down. And in our society we are world class at packing down emotions and those emotions get trapped inside of us. You don't really run around feeling emotions all the time. That's not what most of us do. In fact, we've been actively denying those emotions.

Ruari: 33:53

What you do, what run around with, is a very overreactive brain and so you can't switch that brain off and that's why you reach for alcohol and um, you know again, this is very a really core part is that when we start to change some of those things, the things that are of our past, our beliefs that drive our ego, it doesn't just change your relationship with alcohol. It changes how you show up in business. I mean, I had a guy who runs a half a billion turnover business. Say to me, ruri, this has changed who. I am Right, which is a massive statement. You know he realized that some of his behavior was based on some shit. Somebody said to him when he was in a playground at four years old and he's still carrying that crap around Like we need to let go of that. Just to touch quickly on the other ones before we go.

Ruari: 34:40

But next is stress. Stress is a major driver of compulsive behavior. We use a device to help people monitor their stress. We monitor their central nervous system. We help them change their relationship to stress. So with stress, right, most people are not only handling their stress but they're actively sabotaging their stress coping mechanisms. That's what alcohol does. That's what sleep deprivation does, which is a byproduct of drinking alcohol, right? So all of a sudden now they're not able to handle levels, high levels of stress. So they need alcohol. They need something to take the edge off. It's not alcohol, it's cake or binge watching Netflix. Then we have things like our habits are absolutely key to driving our behavior.

Ruari: 35:21

Relationships are a significant driver of compulsion meaning and purpose. So lots of people are completely misaligned with meaning and purpose. That was me in the world of finance. I didn't feel any meaning to it, so that's why I was drinking heavily, because I was really here to do good in the world. In fact, when I was 14 years old, I wrote a letter to Richard Branson. I said I'm going to change the world one day and I'm looking forward to having lunch with you. I'd forgotten all about that because I got overpaid and drinking too much in London. Then I woke up and I was like no, I'm here to help people. And so understanding what is driving the compulsion and then going through a process which is what we take people through on complete control to change those drivers. That is how you end up with a take it or leave it relationship with alcohol such a powerful message.

Darren: 36:08

My mind is firing so many different ways. You made such a good point about the, the kind of inner dialogue and the way I always describe like entrepreneurship is like the journey of the self-discovery dialogue, and the way I always describe entrepreneurship is like the journey of self-discovery disguised in the path for profitability. So it's just we're shooting for this number, we're shooting for this big goal, but you must change how you look at yourself inward. Before you have all the external beliefs, external changes, and that just comes with even the maturity in your business. When you made those investments into all the science-based research, there was a part of you that had to let go of, like, okay, I'm no longer the broker bro anymore, I want to go do really good in the world.

Darren: 36:45

I need to change that inner dialogue and I think having that identity shift is because compounded by by alcohol, and it's what's funny is that people think you described this really well as the fact that you know alcohol isn't the output or outcome or not. Is the the input we need to fix the input factors that come into your brain? You know, like why, why are you stressed the under underlying factors? And then what's interesting is that, like you, you chart that back to the early days. So before we get into the early days, the control element for me and I think was quite interesting with your podcast, rich rich roll. As well as that, he was almost kind of a little bit confused with the control element because his take on it was like you need to be all you need to be, you need to be all step way exactly or or you need to be, or you're kind of so struggling and not to say that I agree with him, but I'm saying from a from a logical perspective to do with, like a business.

Darren: 37:36

I believe the best way to grow a business to be all in right, to be all in your fitness, be all in your health, because that's when you have the commitment. But it's very interesting to observe the data you have gathered to say that some people who are not fully out of alcohol can still have a drink or two without going off the rails. Now, thinking through my ibiza fucking brain, when I was a kid that was not me, though, and it it's interesting. Maybe that's environment, maybe that's the behavior, I don't know.

Ruari: 38:01

Look, I believe that I can help anyone have control of their relationship with alcohol, and that's an extremely unpopular belief and gets a lot of people very, very angry and upset because they are indoctrinated with this concept that they will always be that way. I just want to ask you this simple question when is there another example of that in life? Where is there another example that you will always be that way? There isn't. In fact, you might get diagnosed with something by a traditional doctor who says you will always be this way, but then show me countless people who've reversed it or who have done something completely different and ignore it. Somebody was told they couldn't walk again is walking. Somebody was told who was given three months to live is, 10 years later, still existing. There is no other example of that, and so my thought here is addiction is significantly on the rise, and so look at all the things that are on the rise in our society that are driving it more. We're more stressed out than we ever were. We, we are, you know we're. The way society is going is driving this thing. Those are things that we can change. We can change our environment, we can change our brains. We can change, and more. So let's say that the change process can't work for everyone. Well, that would be true. It's probably not going to work for everyone, right? Because there's not any examples of that in the world either, where one thing works for everyone.

Ruari: 39:30

If the idea here is we're going to take people through a personal development journey that helps improve a large facet of many areas of their life, okay, it helps them understand where they are on a scale of one to 10, with lots of different factors in their life, and then it takes them through a journey of improving those things. How can that journey be negative? How can that journey be anything apart from positive steps forward in anyone's life? Now, maybe we'll have a documentary one day where I work with some very severe addicts who are I will always be an addict, I'm never going to be anything different and we help them get to that place where they could take it or leave it to be anything different. And we help them get to that place where they could take it or leave it.

Ruari: 40:24

But I think that you know that's like saying can you train? I always talk about the physical version, right? If the physical version is trying to get somebody from mega obese eating pizza every single day like mega in bed cannot move massive, obese right Two running a 5k in under 20 minutes. And that and the 5k in under 20 minutes is the equivalent of mastering control of your relationship with alcohol. That's a long journey and we don't even know if we could get there right. Their bones might not put up with it. They may have done themselves too much damage. This is exactly the same thing. It is a personal development journey for you to get there.

Ruari: 41:05

Similarly so and that is the divergence in the scientific community about whether addiction is a disease like that you know, that you could catch and that you have for the rest of your life or is it something that we can help cure? And I firmly believe, along with a huge proportion of the scientific community, that addiction is something that we can solve. I want to believe that anyway. Don't you want to believe that? Don't you want to believe that we can heal people rather than telling them that they will be this way for the rest of their life?

Ruari: 41:27

So, similarly, just one more thing is that is not where my focus is. My focus is not on the people who would normally go to a detox or addiction center and are very, very severe. That's not where our focus is. Our focus is with everyone else who is regularly consuming alcohol, who feels like they're a little bit out of control, who would like to get control back in the fastest possible way, and that is, I think, a huge proportion of society, a huge proportion of drinkers. It could be the binge drinker, it could be the daily drinker, it could be you name it. And similarly, if I look at that journey of what we really do again is excuse me, the journey to get there is that we're going to improve your mental health, improve your physical health, improve your business, improve your relationships, like improve every area of your life. Improve your business, improve your relationships, like improve every area of your life.

Darren: 42:24

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Darren: 42:37

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Darren: 43:15

100% it's a step in there% it's always like a step in the right direction. And I would have given the perfect example for you as an anecdote for diet right, because, as a bodybuilder, I was on a bodybuilding diet for so many years. Yes, you can be dialed in 100% of the time, but you can still eat off-plan meals. You can go out for your dinner, you can go for a drink with your wife or you can go for food with your wife and you can eat meals outside of your meal plan and still achieve the goal. But it's because for 98% of the time, you're dialed in, or 90% of the time, or 85% of the time, or 80, 20, right, it's like we're moving in the right direction.

Darren: 43:49

Now you talked about time, and time is something that I extremely, um, like, analyze very closely. It's something that I've I always speak on the podcast you could always date it back at older shows and my analysis of time is that the actions you to make today, so everything is a cause and effect under the variable of time, but we can't we can't turn time into a fixed variable. What that means is that if I make an impact today, if I do something today, we don't know when we'll have an impact. So, if I go and have a beer today, no impact. If I go and have a beer tomorrow, no impact. If I keep doing it for a week, I'll have the impact T plus seven to 14 days. Right, that's something that's tangible.

Darren: 44:28

Same with any type of like devices, you know, like watching porn, drugs, so on and so forth. But it has asymmetrical return. It has a negative return and it also has the opposite positive return. If it's a good habit, like going to the gym, cycling like I know that you're a fan of or eating, let's say so you have the impact of six, 12, 18 months from now. And the perfect example is like with a business, right, if you're learning something, you go into a program, the money doesn't pop up like this. But I think most people don't recognize that, that we're trying to play the long game, right? So how do you evaluate time in terms of alcohol and in terms of taking a break from alcohol to yield the benefit of being off alcohol? Yeah, exactly.

Ruari: 45:10

So if I look at our complete control program as an example, is the vast majority of it is really diagnosis and awareness. And so we use these amazing tools, multiple bits of technology. We remotely monitor you, we help you see in data and evidence what is driving the compulsive behavior. The purpose of that journey is for you to see with exact clarity what is driving compulsion in your life, whether it's alcohol or any other compulsion. Right Now, when you go through that journey and you start making those changes, the reality is you're going to pick up a few bits and pieces. It's a bit more intensive than reading a book, right? You've kind of got those layers of how much you pick up a book. You probably pick up a percent or 2% of it at best. Right, let's just take this journey differently. Let's say that the journey is to learn Kung Fu. Ok, and you're like I really want to be good at Kung Fu. In fact, I want to become a master at Kung Fu. And so you go, ok, I'm going to go on an eight week intensive Kung Fu program. So you go and you learn with these great masters and you do eight weeks of intensity and that's just like learning about your compulsion what drives the behavior, how you operate as a human being, all the various areas of your life that doing right is learning these skills. At the end of that program, you probably have some good skills in Kung Fu. And then some people are like, okay, um, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm just going to go and figure this out on my own. Now I'm just going to try and, you know, go out there and do it. Would you do that if it was like Kung Fu, or would you go? No, I really want to stay with these masters and get to that place in the fastest possible time, because that's what we're talking about.

Ruari: 46:45

The other version is to just say do you know what? I think I might try and learn Kung Fu? I'm going to buy some books on Kung Fu, and so you start reading a book. How far is that going to get you? Then you take it up one more level and you think, oh, look, some YouTube videos. How long is that going to take you? Right, and this is exactly the same thing about coming on an intensive program is you want to be able to master your relationship with alcohol, but you want to be able to change these things in a significant way. Well, when you bring in the experts like us and you go in into an intensive program like that, you're going to be so much further ahead in a shorter period of time than you are just trying to figure all this out on your own. It's not impossible, right, I did it without a program, but it took me a decade. It took me a long, long, long time before I maybe a little bit less than that no, about a decade, because it was two years before I came through Similarly with this.

Ruari: 47:36

So, as an example, on the program, we do talk about control all the time and then during the program we help people see that ultimately, the ultimate control will always be not drinking. The best place to have your relationship with alcohol is either not drinking or the one level up is that mostly you don't drink, but occasionally you choose to have a drink right, where it is controlled, and that's the optimal place to be. If you are regularly consuming alcohol every week, then it's causing you significant physical and mental health. It's holding you back in so many ways Like you just need to stop that. Go back to a place where it is more on the rarer occasion.

Ruari: 48:15

In saying that going on this journey is that, whilst we have learned that abstinence does not equal control, lots of people stop drinking and then find out they go back to problematic drinking. Absolutely, a period of abstinence gives you all the tools you need right Clarity, energy, focus, productivity to do the work, to get control. The question mark is is what is the work? And that's really why we created complete control. What is the work like? Do you think that you would ever go back to drinking, or you done forever now?

Darren: 48:47

so this is the thing. This is a really good point to make. So when people ask me about what they, what you should do when you finish um, alcohol, my approach to this is have goals so big that that's like the. That's a goal that's bigger than the session, bigger than going and having a party. So for me, it was initially leaving the tech world. So I knew that me, as you know, a C student from Ireland I wasn't going to build like a seven-figure business like this. I need to make sacrifices. So it was one get myself out of my tech role. Then it was build a business and not burn it to the ground. And now we're at it's like get to seven figures and then potentially get the eight figures um a year not a year, but maybe a year. And then, same with the fitness was like you know, I remember I was like getting a lot bigger. So it was like get up to 85 kilos and get down to 75 kilos.

Darren: 49:33

So I'm putting in these interim steps and, as a result, I don't really I don't really want to go like. I don't want to go back to archive. I've no desire, no inkling. No, uh, what's the word? What's the word I'm trying to use Um, no inkling, you nailed it. Yeah, no, no, no demand. Basically, right, no desire, no desire.

Darren: 49:52

And then what's interesting, right, is when I see something that comes up that could like speak my spike, my curiosity. So I'm in bali right now. There's a, you know, there's a beautiful beach where they get the best deejays in the world that come in. You know, I've I love music. I've always loved music. Whenever I see like a name come in, of a dj come in, I'm like, oh, that would be fun. Well, I gotta clean up the crm on saturday morning, I want to train on saturday morning, I want to go on a bike ride and see it on sunday morning. So I put Sunday morning, so I put in these things that are just way more enjoyable for me.

Darren: 50:18

And then a lot of my friends are just entrepreneurs anyway, so I don't always join them on this, but they might do like 12 hour hikes, 14 hour hikes, and I might join them once a quarter or whatever, because it's a lot. Right, it's a lot, but that's kind of like the alternatives. Now what I would say is when I was in Ireland 2022 for Christmas, what else is there to do? Right? We met up with people they're drinking, that's all. That's all. That's all there is to do. No, I didn't drink, but I could just see myself in that spiral in terms of, like, I need to think about control, I need to think about what I could do here. But yeah, I, you know, luckily, people around me that are, that are awesome, even my family and stuff. I tried to actually bring this information to them because, like you know, they're just, they're just ordinary people, right?

Ruari: 51:04

Um, I don't feel. I don't feel that it's weird. I think, um, I mean, that's fantastic, well done, it's the perfect, perfect place to be in. At the end of the day, it's a really, really shit drug and it's just so prevalent in society. Um, you know, for me, I, I still wanted to go and do the craziness, and for a long time, you know, I did all the stag do's and you know I would outlast everyone. I'd be there longer, I'd be there harder and I wouldn't touch alcohol or drugs because I needed to still be that party guy. And you know, I remember buying a bottle of Jägermeister on the plane or for the plane and then forcing everyone to get absolutely trashed. I wasn't drinking, but they loved it, right, because that's what stag do's are all about. And so I still wanted to be that person.

Ruari: 51:48

When it comes to going to the occasional thing like that, again, I think you know the downside and the impact of alcohol is so great and I think we're going to have a drugs revolution. We don't necessarily need to get onto that into this conversation here, but if you listen to Professor David Nutt, the drug science, you know there are far better substances. You might say well, why do you need anything? Well, sometimes it's fun to let go and do all those things, and we talked about that in this society before, and I think that there will be a shift in things like that, or rather a significant shift going forward. Things like that, or rather a significant shift going forward. And you know, even so, people still like we touched on earlier people still want to take the edge off after a week, et cetera. So, yeah, I think, that being said, really, when we go all in on loving all of the versions of ourselves without alcohol right?

Ruari: 52:39

So you kind of make it a journey of saying I want to create a version of myself that absolutely loves life without alcohol featured in it. And I'm going to go on that journey of discovery to say, well, what would it be at this moment? Well, what would I do here? How would I behave in this? You know, lots of people find out that actually they're introverted. They've been using alcohol to be extroverted. Introverts don't want to be out till four o'clock in the morning, they're done at 10. So fucking leave at 10. Book the taxi, that's you done. Thank you very much.

Ruari: 53:08

So, discover who you are, not drinking alcohol, create that version of yourself and make it somebody that you love. If you go through that journey and you're like I just don't love that, I just need it, then there's clearly stuff in your life that needs to change, and you touched on it earlier having bigger goals, bigger dreams, having an impact in the world, doing the things that you love. Lots of people drink because they're bored. Lots of people drink because they're lonely. Lots of people drink because they're leading lives that they don't really want in their heart to leave, and I think that when you get clear on vision, purpose meaning who you are and how you want to show up in the world it's much easier to drink less or not at all.

Darren: 53:49

Well, it's cope right and especially when you're in that kind of environment whereby it's raining nine months at a year, you physically can't go outside like I'm in Asia now. It's 35 degrees, 30 to 35 degrees every day. So I'll wake up, I'll work, I'll go to the gym, I'll go to the beach, bring the dogs for a walk. I'm kind of in this like outdoorsy environment so it's more conducive towards like activity and therefore if I was hung over, I'd be like oh, I can't walk on a beach today, I'm tired, my heart is pumping. You know like I used to smoke as well when I was a kid, just like you know parody smoking and I was like that would take an impact, basically, and I remember that as well when I was younger, right, but it's been able to move away from that and almost create like your own world or create your own identity. So I think it is. It is that kind of coping mechanism and you made a really good point about um, fulfillment and purpose. So let's take a step back.

Darren: 54:37

So when I was in the beginning of COVID um, and when everything hit, she hit the fan. I'd done a bunch of like small businesses in the past there, like they didn't do much right, but they were my exploration. I tried to build a few apps and that went nowhere. But I had a look at myself and I was like, what is it that I'm actually searching for? Which was actually the Genesis, the podcast, the podcast which was like I want to connect to people, I want to learn more. I know nothing about this world and to this day, I still know very little. But my whole idea was I read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, which made me put, which put me on the path of like there's chosen suffering and there's there's there's beauty in everything, basically, but it's there's beauty in that process, which is what set me down as Pat.

Darren: 55:18

I think that was a catalyst for me to step away, because when I was trying to, like, level up other aspects of my life, it was alcohol that was holding me back. But I just, I just feel like that a lot of people don't want to have those conversations with themselves, and the only reason why I have is because from the very beginning, 210 episodes ago I was meeting people that were like you, right From the very beginning, and I was like, why am I not there, apart from being 23 years old? One of the reasons why I wasn't there was just because I wasn't doing the extra, the other work. And yeah, man, it just took so many years of that like small, subtle scratch units at the back of my mind to to realize that, okay, you need to do something else, right, totally.

Ruari: 55:57

Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm there, I'm. Let me call myself the subconscious squirrel, cause I want to be the noise in the back of people's heads. What a horrible thought. Um, I want to be the one exacerbating that scratch, um, and really getting people to to see, because I wasn't doing the math, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't doing the math that my, my relationship in tatters was because of alcohol. Uh, that my, my physical health, that wasn't great. You know, overweight, ibs, psoriasis, all of these things, those niggling health issues, I didn't put them down to alcohol. I didn't put down me walking into work crying in the morning because I just didn't know why I was uncontrollably crying. Um, I didn't put that down to alcohol.

Ruari: 56:39

And and and the reality is, yes, it was alcohol, but it was actually the things underlying it that were driving it. Um, you know, for instance, like we've touched on right, I was in a job I didn't feel meaning and purpose for. I was, I had a relationship which was quite broken. Um, I had a. I um wasn't aligned to meaning and purpose. I was working in a windowless office and commuting by tube, all of those things I wasn't really exercising. So that's what was ultimately driving it. And um, yeah, it's a, it's a game changer when somebody realizes that. So I think the easiest way to reach people, like we've said before, is you know, you're trying to build your business, um and um, you know, maybe this is the best investment your business could make this year. And, you know, maybe coming on this journey to change your relationship with alcohol is the thing that doubles your business or gives you that extra 20% of productivity, energy, focus, clarity, purpose, all of those things to make the difference this year. And what, if I'm right? You know you're trying so hard and building a business is fucking hard. It's, it's. It takes everything from us and more.

Ruari: 57:43

And the other thing I always say is alcohol is, is is a significant depressant. Right, it's a, it's a real, it's a very, very powerful depressant. When is the time to drink a depressant? Is it like when you're already depressed and stressed out your mind and struggling with the business and unable to cope? Is it fuck? Why would you add that in? All it's going to do is send you into free fall? So the only time is just after ringing the New York Stock Exchange bell, right, and when your wife has just messaged you saying I'm more in love you than you ever were and you've got a post-it note from your daughter saying, daddy, you're my hero. That's when you should have a drink, right, because you're crushing life. Um, not when you're, the chips are down and you're, you're low and struggling because it's just making things worse have you ever had any experience psychedelics?

Ruari: 58:33

oh yeah, tons, all of them. In fact, we'll be using psychedelics on the programs we use very, very soon. Um, so I think, I think psychedelic therapy is the future for trauma, addiction, all of those things um and um. Yeah, I mean, I did a mushroom ceremony myself, uh, just two days ago, two days ago amazing.

Darren: 58:51

So so what specifically have you looked at, like ketamine, or have you just looked at?

Ruari: 58:55

therapy. Ketamine therapy is very, very good. Discovered significant shame from my past through ketamine therapy, um, and then, you know, swam in the shame like another level. It's amazing. I've done decades of therapy sitting around talking about um life and I never really discovered or shifted these, these things in my past until I was doing psychedelic therapy. Um, I've done ayahuasca. I've done heavy dosage lsd and mdma um. Done multiple sessions with mdma alone, done couples therapy with mdma uh sir, was that in um?

Darren: 59:28

was that under like a study or like is there in a medical place, or was it no, it?

Ruari: 59:32

is, it is with a medical, it is with a clinical team, um, so I've always done it professionally as as therapy, and I think, well, not always. I did a couple of more um, chilled out, ceremony style um, you know, with, with, with, um, the hippie style, um, um, and you know, it's nowhere near as impactful as doing it professionally, where there's a trained therapist, um, uh, you know who, who comes from a clinical background, along with a gp, which is what I was doing it with before. So, but I think that it is absolutely the future for people, helping to heal from past experiences and shift past trauma, which is such a major driver of compulsive behavior how is the, how is that managed through?

Darren: 1:00:18

like um, like a center? So let's say, if it's ketamine, it's intravenous or whatever the process is. How do they walk you through that process?

Ruari: 1:00:27

Well, when I did IV, I did it at the German hospital here in Mallorca and they do it on IV drip. You do about four psychotherapy sessions of two hours beforehand, um, and then when I did it once, um, I actually had some, um, em, emdr or brain imaging stuff just to see what was going on with my brain at the time and um, yeah, it was it, it, it, uh. Then they guide you through. It's about four hours of a session on the drip, um, and your chat. I was talking away to the therapist at the same time while I was in there, she was trying to communicate with me and steer me through the woods. So, yeah, it's amazing. So ketamine therapy is completely legal in the UK now. Mdma therapy will be legal in the next six months.

Ruari: 1:01:08

Mdma we're talking about ecstasy, guys, you know, and the war on drugs. I mean, shut up. Mdma is a medicine. It was designed as a medicine. It should be in a pharmaceutical, it should be in a pharmacy. I think that is what it was used for in the 60s, right?

Ruari: 1:01:40

And then you look at people going and having one psilocybin experience and not touching alcohol again. Or you look at people doing one iboga or ibogaine experience and never being an addict again. You know, it's really amazing, I think, what's happening with the psychedelic work. And then there's quite a lot of work happening with technology too. So I'm interested in the vr space, where they're using lights, image, sounds to create psychedelic experiences in the brain. So there's a lot of research going into that and we actually use and test a lot of technology. So doing a lot of testing now with vegas nerve, which is the vegas nerve connects the brain and the body, and it's how we sort of help regulate our central nervous system, our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, and trauma and our past experiences can be very impactful on our central nervous system. So that's why doing vagal toning and things like that can help us deal with trauma. There's amazing bodies of research that shows your likelihood to get complicated grief which, by the way, we are all going to grieve at some point and your likelihood of having complicated grief is dictated by vagal tone, and you can increase vagal tone through breathwork.

Ruari: 1:02:51

I think there's a revolution over the next 10 years with technology, with AI, with some of these tools that we're going to be able to help people significantly, and that's what I'm building here. We're a preventative health company. Okay, sure, people come in the door because they want to change their relationship with alcohol, but I help people prevent illness, mental health disorders, all sorts of diseases. I've had a lady who came into the program and reversed her multiple sclerosis diagnosis within three months of coming through the program. So she was positive. Then the doctor told her she needs to sort out her diet. She came on our program a month after being diagnosed and then, three months after the program, there were no signs of multiple sclerosis reversed.

Darren: 1:03:34

That's super interesting. It's very interesting to see about UK being a bit forward. I did not expect the UK to be moving forward like ketamine mdma, because I know it's in america right and my parents in america as americans, so I'm familiar with this process is fully open.

Ruari: 1:03:48

Yeah, australia is uh mdma psilocybin um.

Darren: 1:03:53

These are now available um for uh different therapies and we talked about the, the intangible benefits, but also the asymmetrical returns of health, right? When you change one variable, it continues on. I want to get your thoughts on diet because you know again how I describe this right. For me it was the domino effect. Positively, it was that when I wanted to improve my fitness, I got rid of alcohol and then I improved my muscle density, improved my sleep bro, I forgot to mention you I used to sleep like four hours a night, genuinely four, or five. Four to five hours a night every night, not even when I'm just out, and now my sleep is up to nine hours a night. And let me tell you how.

Darren: 1:04:36

So I was traditional bodybuilding diet, very high carb, you know, big whatever, like that was the whole idea. And only recently, because I want to get more out of my business, I swapped to a practically no carb diet, so it's only animal based and fruit, so just fruit. And obviously in Asia you're the best quality fruit right. So as much fruit as I want, which is kind of driven more by the brain. So if I needed like more carbs, I'll have like a mango or a watermelon or a banana, but mainly just red meat and avocado, basically, and an eggs and eggs and pastured eggs so, and grass-fed food so, and, as a result, the impact on my sleep has been wild. I'm intervening, fasting for 16 hours, naturally without any forced effort, and I'm sleeping for up to eight, nine hours a night night.

Ruari: 1:05:24

What's your take on diet, and especially yeah, with alcohol, and you know we help people with diet. You know people are different and so I think going lower carb can definitely be helpful. Um, and you know I'm predominantly carnivore, so, just like you, I have a similar sort of carnivore fruit diet. Uh was revolutionary for me, my brain, I mean. You know I'm adhd, so it calmed all of that exacerbating down. It's really interesting. You talk about that level of sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation masks itself as adhd. Um, so people who have sleep deprivation then end up getting an ADHD diagnosis, but they, they, they rate their sleep deprivation.

Darren: 1:06:04

But I could be diagnosed as ADHD. I didn't interrupt you, but the way we're, the way we're talking, we seem very similar people.

Ruari: 1:06:10

No, I mean, I picked up straight away and you know I'm an ambassador for ADHD UK so you can go there and take the test and they'll tell you.

Darren: 1:06:17

I I think I need, I think I need it so diet is a huge factor.

Ruari: 1:06:21

I mean, look at what's happening in america it's just nuts and the shit that they put on our food. So I think this is another thing that needs to have a bit of a revolution is, is um, is our food and and and how we're feeding ourselves. So, yeah, the huge part so what is?

Darren: 1:06:35

what is it you're doing specifically so on the food and like supplementation side?

Ruari: 1:06:39

yeah, I mean again, we can recommend different supplements to help people calm their central nervous system, heal their liver. You know things like milk thistle is very good for that. Ashwagandha, you know, 30 reduction in cortisol over 30 days in various studies. Ashwagandha is very helpful for people calming down their central nervous system. Um, um, lots of B vitamins. They believe that a significant portion of craving actually comes from a deficiency in B vitamins. Um, so, uh, b vitamins can be very helpful.

Ruari: 1:07:07

And then when you start looking at different areas for people looking at, uh, whether sleep is an issue or uh, you know all of these different factors. It will depend on supplementation, um, and then again, our initial recommendation for people is to go to a whole food-based diet or predominantly paleo-style diet and try and recommend some people to consider looking at carnivore, which is controversial, I know, but at the end of the day, if you try something and has a very, very significant impact on your physical and mental health, then you've got an answer. And a lot of people go across the carnivore and they find all sorts of things evaporate.

Darren: 1:07:51

So 100% it's the focus is the biggest thing, right? You made a good point about the vitamins that that is a deficiency. If you go a layer deeper and say it's a mineral deficiency david asprey always talks about that that it's actually not vitamin. It's mineral first and then vitamin, and the knock-on effect is where these like triggers in your brain are coming from effectively, which is like I need, I need sugar, I need food, I need carbs, I need this. Right, it's at the mineral level, but and like to be honest, we could probably go for four hours, to be honest, because of that fact, right, but we'll leave it for our next episode because I know we're remote right now and to do it again.

Darren: 1:08:25

But, yeah, this has been huge. It's a fantastic episode. I really appreciate your time with this. There's a lot more to get into it, but anything we can help you in the future as well, and there's a few shows I'm writing notes on as well that I can recommend you to initially on this stuff that will be great for you to appear on. But, yeah, just want to say a big thank you again and I really appreciate it.

Ruari: 1:08:46

Thanks for having me on. And, yeah, check us out at oneyearnobiercom. There's all sorts of digital courses, programs, community. The game changer for business owners, which is having a massive, profound impact on people's lives, is the Complete Control Program and you'll see that on the program there. And then you can find me on all the usual socials. Oymb for the company everywhere. One year, no beer. Oymb. Or I'm Rory Fairbairns on most things, pretty active on Instagram. Feel free to add me and send me a ping. Happy to help or have a chat, leave some audio notes, help anyone out there, just reach out Awesome.