If you thought last week was controversial, that’s child’s play compared to our conversation today. Maybe as you heard me read 1 Peter 3:1-7, you felt a knot in your stomach. Wives submit? It seems so subservient, so unequal, dare I say so… wrong? Reading these verses brings a specific woman to mind. About a year ago, she came to worship for the first time. Until then, she had never known the unique hope that only Jesus gives. She was so on fire about it that after just three weeks of worshipping with us, she jumped into a START seminar. She loved the first session, but when it came to week two… She didn’t come. Of course, I reached out. No response…for 3 months. Finally, after my pestering, she said very honestly to me, “I read what your church believes about a wife’s role, and I simply can’t believe that.” She had been abused by her ex-husband and seeing the word “submit,” it was too much. Please keep her in your prayers. I still reach out, but I haven’t heard from her since. Let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room. Submitting is very counter-cultural, and also very personal. But today Peter will share that this living Easter hope gives us joy to submit but not be submissive. Because let’s face it. There’s good reason why in our culture we feel uneasy when we hear “submit” in the context of marriage.
Maybe you know that many young people today have a low view of marriage. More than half of women between the ages of 18-34 view marriage as an “outdated tradition.” 40% of young men feel the same. So why do you think this is? Why does marriage or the word “submit” offend? Well, we live in a society where according to the CDC over half of women have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact in their lifetimes. Think about that. One-third of women have experienced sexual harassment in public, and these are just the ones who report it. I used to think these numbers were way over the top. But in my brief pastoral career, it’s lost its shock value. I’ve had too many conversations that have proven it so. Such talk of submitting is repulsive to many because their hearts ache. Was it like that at Peter’s time too? History says…It was even worse.
Women in the 1st century AD Roman Empire were seen as property, designed to make family alliances and for economic prosperity. Some women in higher social classes had more freedom, but most were at the bottom of the societal ladder. Even certain household servants had greater authority and respect. And if you’d think that’s awful, consider how there was no Roman law against a husband committing adultery, but if a wife did, she could risk losing everything she had. Besides adultery, one of the chief offenses a Roman wife could commit was having a different religion than her husband, especially if it was Christianity. Edmund Clowney says this, “In the eyes of imperial Romans, here was another subversive Eastern religion threatening the stability of the home and of the state.” Peter was talking to Christian women who were trying to win their husbands for Jesus, but danger was all around them. What could they do?
Maybe this is all too personal for you. We praise the Lord that we will live in a country with far more rights for women, and yet maybe you know what it’s like to have a husband who either couldn’t care less about Jesus or doesn’t seem to want to grow in his faith. You’ve tried sharing the Word. You’ve tried praying with him, and nothing seems to work. He might even get angry, and say, “Stop trying to change me.” What then?
Look at what Peter says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” Quick side note, when Peter says, “in the same way,” he’s referring back to 2:12, when he wrote, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” He applied that first to why we submit to authority and now he’s taking it into the marriage context. He’s saying, “Don’t lose hope. Remember who you are living for. You possess a mighty weapon for winning your husband to the faith: it is the testimony of your hope-filled life. If your husband has refused to listen to the Word; very well, let him be won without words.” To see the wisdom of Peter’s words, we have to understand the difference between submitting and being submissive.
To submit as the Bible defines is to “bear up under.” Like we talked about last week, you submit for the Lord’s sake. You submit in whatever calling God has given you because you know Jesus died and rose for you. Gospel-obsession! You know his love. You submit willfully because you have THE position of strength! You have the status as a chosen, royal, holy child of God because you have the living hope of Jesus. You have assured status even if everyone else in the world considers you to be a nobody. You belong to Jesus. It’s the beauty he’s given you that inspires you to show this world what real beauty is.
In our culture, even still today, women are presented with one path to win over their men: Be beautiful. Don’t you see the pop-up ads? The TV ads? The Hulu ads? Women are instructed, “Be beautiful, if not, who’ll notice you?” “Flaunt yourself on social media, that’s how you’ll get attention!” “Cover yourself with make-up, try to show that you’re worth it.” We live in a culture telling women to be submissive, to find her value in things that fade. But what is your true value, dear daughter of God? Look at Peter’s words, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Now, Peter isn’t saying that having awesome hairstyles and beautiful clothing is a sin. He’s saying, “If you’re looking to those things for your beauty, stop, you already have a beauty beyond compare, a beauty that age cannot take from you.” Hope given you through the unfading Word of God that strengthens your inner being, your faith, to remember that you are a daughter of the Heavenly Father, excited to boldly follow him, and maybe this hits home so much for me as a dad of two daughters growing up in a world that still tells women to be submissive. Not you, you have been set free. Set free, yes, to submit. Why? How? Because your strength has been given you by the God of powerful hope and never-failing grace.
When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled, thinking, “Jesus considers me beautiful?” Jesus has given you unfading beauty, and notice how much he treasures you. Peter says, “The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” In our culture of constant self-promotion, millions spent trying to cover blemishes, wrinkles, and so-called “imperfections.” God himself has exalted you. Your Jesus who shed his perfect blood so now through faith when God sees you, you’re radiant, and you’re not just someone to him. You are a dearly loved part of his family. And when such love fills you as only the hope of Jesus can, it leaves no room for fearful submissiveness.
That’s what Peter is getting at, when he writes, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” Sarah gave her husband such respect because she knew she belonged to the King. Your King Jesus who was the ultimate servant, submitting to his Father’s will, and showing the beauty of submitting, by subjecting himself to washing feet. Why did Jesus do that? Because he wants to show us that submitting is not submissiveness, it’s not weakness, it’s because you have the exalted status of being a child of God, you are willing to submit to his will for your life, because you know his love for you. Which also why husbands, men, we are called to submit to God’s will as we love the women in our lives.
Notice how Peter makes this very clear, “In the same way, husbands be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This also goes back to 2:12, men are willing to follow the Savior, submitting to his will, so more women can know the hope of Jesus. Men, we’re called to self-sacrifice. That’s the nuance when Peter says, “Be considerate.” Consider their needs before your own, which is something our culture struggles with. A member of our church, who I consider a brother to me, said and he’s right, “We have a male crisis today.” On one side, you have the age-old machismo-type influences, persuading young men to rack up one-night stands, to see women as objects to be used and not souls to love. On the other side, we see men getting shamed and blamed, people assuming that every male is wired to harm women or put them down. This is where the wonder of God’s design of two genders is marvelous. God designed men to love women self-sacrificially, striving to be like Jesus. To strive to do everything in our power to hold up the women in our lives, specifically our wives, so they can see themselves as Jesus sees them.
That’s what Peter is getting at when he says wives are the “weaker partner.” It is not that they are unequal or less than men. He makes that crystal clear when he writes, “Treat them…as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” By faith, we stand united and equal, before the God of hope. That means we do everything in our power as men so that women can take up their role as God designed joyfully and freely. We love them and treat them as the treasure they are. As one wise Christian woman once said to me, “It’s really easy to respect a husband when you know he’s striving to love you like Jesus.” That’s the thing. The way we communicate love to our wives has a direct connection to our communication with God. Did you catch that? Peter says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. That’s why we don’t just want to use our wives to show them off, to flaunt them. No, we want to love them because we never want them to lose sight of the love their God has for them. We love them because Jesus is our life motivation and joy.
Now at this point, if you’re single, or still grieving the loss of your husband or wife, maybe you’ve been thinking, “Well this conversation has nothing to do with me.” Especially if you’re in high school or even grade school, it has everything to do with you. In a culture where less and less people see the value of God’s design for marriage, we get to talk excitedly about it. Even if you don’t see marriage as something for you, you can still talk it up. How amazing God’s design is, for a man and a woman to give an object lesson every day giving a glimpse of the depth of God’s love. How his love is committed, is forever, is transparent, is whole, and drives out all fear. We submit to God because we love him, not because we’re submissively afraid of him.
But I get it if this conversation has been especially difficult for you. Especially, if your spouse just doesn’t seem to have the same joy in following Jesus as you. But remember what the goal is for you as a married person, husband or wife. You are not submissive, but you submit to God’s purpose in your marriage role: To bring your husband, to bring your wife closer to Jesus. And if you think that just doesn’t seem to be happening. I want to leave you with this. You’ve heard me quote Augustine quite a few times. He’s a Christian who left us quite a legacy. He grew up in a family in which his mom believed and his dad didn’t. And after decades of sharing and showing the hope of Jesus. Hope broke through. Augustine writes this about his mom, Monica, “She served her husband as her master, and did all she could to win him for You, speaking to him of You by her conduct, by which You made her beautiful…Finally, when her husband was at the end of his earthly span, she gained him for You.” Do you see the wonder to submit? To wake up each day, knowing that God has placed you in the life of your husband, your wife, your siblings, your friends, to bring them closer to Jesus, so they can glorify God in heaven one day! Isn’t it amazing to submit to Jesus, to follow him with everything you are? What hope he gives! Amen.
