Job: Finding Peace On An Unpredictable Path | Choosing the Right Friends

When you are going through hard times, it is so important to have good friends. Friends who will be there for you make all the difference. When a friend of yours is dealing with hardship, being there for them is important. Just your presence and your love makes a difference. Your words can too. But there are times a friend’s words are helpful, and there are times a friend’s words are not as helpful. Job had some friends who were there for him, but loading him with guilt over what was happening to him, and in the end, making him feel even worse. This week, let’s discover how best to befriend a world that is filled with pain.

Transcript

Have you ever been on the receiving end of the “have you tried…” syndrome? This syndrome happens when you share a deep struggle —whether it's grief, illness, or feeling really down—and a well-meaning friend responds by offering unsolicited advice, often with the lead-in, “Have you tried…” followed-up by “this has worked for me.” For example, imagine that your stress level is at a breaking point. You constantly feel behind, always playing catch-up, you never feel at ease. A friend notices your anxiety, and asks, “Are you okay?” You then go on a 10-minute rant without taking a breath of how overwhelmed you feel. Your friend then awkwardly says nothing, staring at you for two minutes and when he finally talks he says, “Have you tried using essential oils? My dog used to have the worst anxiety when thunderstorms hit and I used lavender oil on her, and now she’s as calm as ever!” How would you take that? Not well. How about this scenario: Imagine you’ve gone through so much grief and pain that you can’t even speak. When you finally open your mouth you say, “May the day of my birth perish. That day—may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine on it.” Talk about being in a dark place. And your friend proceeds to say, “Have you tried blaming yourself?” What would you be thinking? You’re starting to get into the mind of Job.

From verse 10 to verse 11 in chapter two, at least a month or two of time has passed. How do we know that? Well, texting, DM’s, and news notifications were not a thing in 2000+ BC. So news traveled a little slower. So by the time Job’s friends hear the news, then get together and pack up for the journey, some significant time has passed. So they get on their camels and go to see Job, and what they see tears them up. When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. They imitate Job as they tear their robes and shave their heads, and then they sprinkle dust on their heads, why? They were asking God to bring the same pain on them so they could empathize with Job. These friends clearly loved Job…but they have no idea how to comfort him. They sit there for seven days, eat, sleep, sit, repeat without saying anything. And as they do their thoughts shift away from comforting Job to wondering, “What if this happens to me?” Finally, Job can’t take the awkward silence anymore.

After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. He said: “May the day of my birth perish, and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’ Job bares his soul before them, and his echo of pain still is heard today. Imagine hearing your friend say something like that? How would you react? You want to know how Job’s friend Eliphaz reacted? He shows his “Have you tried…” syndrome tendencies by basically asking, “Have you tried blaming yourself, Job?” He says, “Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed? As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it. At the breath of God they perish; at the blast of his anger they are no more. Is not your wickedness great?  Are not your sins endless? That is why snares are all around you, why sudden peril terrifies you.” He says, “Job stop putting on an act. You have brought this on yourself. This has been my life experience and therefore it must be universally true. Just fess up and get it over with.” Talk about heartless cold comfort, but we share the same sinful comforting instincts as Eliphaz.

Be brutally honest with yourself, who are you really thinking about much of the time when you are trying to comfort someone? It’s embarrassing to say, but don’t we think of ourselves? How so? Well, think about how quickly we want to rush through the suffering process. We don’t like being around people who are hurting. We are prone to quick advice, “get over it’s,” and “move on’s” because we see suffering as an interruption, a hindrance, or an annoyance. So we like to assume we can figure out the reason why someone is suffering and often our gut instinct is to assume they did something in the past to cause their trials. It’s very karma-like, and it’s a thought that’s been around for thousands of years. It’s like Jesus’ disciples in John 9. “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” We like to think that people bring upon themselves their pain. But why is that? Why do we fall into this tendency? Because of our natural fear: What if this happens to me?

Think of Job’s friends. Why did they sit there in silence for 7 days? Not just because they didn’t know what to say. It’s because that was the mourning period if someone died. David Clines, who wrote an excellent commentary on Job writes, “Everything in their actions treats him as one already dead.” They are doing an autopsy of Job while he is actively hurting in front of them. They are not looking to comfort him as much as they are trying to figure out how to explain him. Who is to blame so we can avoid the same fate? Are we not the same?

We often are suffering-avoiders, and one of the ways we do that is by assuming we can figure out why someone is in pain, because we like to convince ourselves that if we can figure out their problem we certainly can figure out ours. For example, someone tells you they just found out they have type-two diabetes and maybe the thought comes up, “You should’ve had a better diet.” Or someone tells you they are overwhelmed at work and you think, “Maybe if you knew how to say no, you wouldn’t have that problem.” In both cases, we aren’t thinking about listening further and then responding. We’re thinking, “Let’s get to the cause, there’s an easy solution, move on.”

We don’t like to sit in suffering with someone, we want to speed up the process, assign blame, shove it off of ourselves and move on. But that’s not being a true friend is it? A true friend is willing to shoulder the suffering alongside that person. A true friend is not about analyzing the person, identifying the cause of suffering and then interrogating the sufferer. A friend listens, remains, and then responds appropriately in Christian love. If we take the simplistic karma-approach to suffering that suffering is always tied to a moral failure we are missing how complex suffering can be. In our sin, we are tempted to think that if we can rationalize someone else’s pain, we can rise above it. But when we understand that our focus when exposed to suffering is to bring specific gospel comfort, then we see the only response to suffering that heals. In this place where Job’s friends fail, our greatest Friend delivers.

We see this play out live in John 9. Jesus does the exact opposite of what Job’s friends do. The story starts with the disciples gossiping about this blind man. They won’t approach him but rather they want to figure out who’s to blame for his condition. And how does Jesus respond? “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Just like with Job, God would use this suffering so more could see the light of his hope. So Jesus does something radical. He approaches the blind man. Jesus empathizes with the blind man. He even touches his eyes, something you did not do with someone who had a disability. This is so counter-cultural, why? Because people assumed if you had a disability you were being judged by God. In reality, the Lord has given people such gifts because through them we see his love in such a profound way. He not only gives this man his physical sight again, but now he sees everything through the brightness of Jesus who shatters every shadow of darkness and its many shades.

This is our Jesus. This is his love for you too. Jesus intentionally takes time. He doesn’t simply give you a word of advice and tell you, “You got this.” No. Through his Word, he sits with you. He consoles you. And he does the opposite of putting it on you to figure out your pain and how to shoulder it. He says, “Give to me your burdens. I will replace them with rest. I know it may take time for you to release them to me. I’ll wait. I’m here. See my cross, peer into my empty tomb. When I love someone, there is no limit, no end, no finale.” Jesus’ approach to comfort shows the ultimate form of friendship and this includes even when he faced someone who endured suffering of his own making. Think of the thief on the cross. He goes from shaming Jesus to trusting in him. He hears Jesus speak of forgiveness. He hears the gospel. He defends his God, hoping Jesus would accept him, and does Jesus guilt-trip him, no. He says, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” Jesus would have had every right to call him on his sin, but the law had done its work, so Jesus shares real comfort, not just mere peace of mind, but as Tim Chester puts it in The Glory of the Cross: “The comfort the world offers is fleeting and shallow, often wrapped in temporary solutions or distractions. It promises ease but leaves the deeper wounds of the heart untouched. In contrast, the comfort of the cross addresses the root of our suffering, offering a profound peace that is not just about easing pain but about transforming it through the redemptive suffering of Christ. The cross does not merely numb our pain but redeems it, giving it eternal significance and hope.” It’s our Jesus who motivates us to be anti-Eliphaz’s to those he’s given us to love.

If by faith, motivated and empowered by grace, we want to be Anti-Eliphaz’s in how we comfort, what does that look like? Dietrich Bonheoffer helps us: “We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions... It is part of the discipline of humility that we must not spare our hand where it can perform a service and that we do not assume that our schedule is our own to manage, but allow it to be arranged by God.” So how can you preemptively visualize this and execute it again directed by God’s grace?

Let’s get specific. One life arena to start with? Social media. Imagine if you reached out to someone who shared a struggle online by saying, “I’m praying for you and if need someone just to listen. I’m here.” It would certainly catch the person off-guard, why? Because you may be one of the first people to actually care and not just give a “have you tried…” and move on. Imagine the look on your coworker’s face when you talk about canceling something in your schedule so she can chat more with you about her struggles? Who changes their calendar just to listen to someone in pain? Imagine saying no to hanging out with your friends to talk with your parents when you can tell they are overwhelmed. To tell them how much you appreciate them and value them, even while you could be gaming or chilling. You take the step to love your parents and remind them of who they are in Jesus. Parents, imagine seeing your kids struggling and choosing to say no to a networking event to just to be there for them. Imagine going against the grain of our South Floridian every-second-planning life, and gave yourself time to be inefficient as you love others! This is the life God in his grace has given to us! The life the Holy Spirit empowers us to do as we take the wisdom of the Scripture! We’ll stand out, why? Because when we have the real comfort of Jesus, we are filled up with share such comfort with others.

We have the life of a Christian-comforter, not consumed by blaming, shaming and rushing people through suffering but a life of purposeful inefficient comforting, reflecting Jesus, the light who came into the world, to shine in the darkness. How amazing it is that through you and me, his light shines through us giving a glimpse into God’s inefficient, full, purposeful, and overcoming love for us. The light of real friendship. To lay down our agendas, our calendars, our lives, why? Because our Jesus had said to us, “You are my friends. I chose you. Now go and give of my love that will never stop shocking the world.” Amen.