The Non-Immigrant Student
S4 E3 - Bagging a PhD Degree in Chemical Engineering after 5 years featuring Dr. Pearl Abue, University of Austin, Texas
HELLLLOOOO GOOD PEOPLE! Yes, yes, I have missed you too.
How have you been? I hope you have been keeping well. If I tell you all that has happened to me within the past three months since you last heard from me here, you would not believe! So many changes! I didn't know Season 4 of my life in the US would hit this hard! I'm now in a state of perpetual embrace brothers & sisters; God told no lies when he said to get ready! For context, see Season 4's Trailer.
In this episode, I'm back with another guest, a return guest, my friend, your friend - Dr. Pearl Achuoboro Abue! Fun-fact: She was our very first guest on this podcast! In our very first episode together (Season 1, Episode 6), she shared how she almost dropped out of the Chemical Engineering PhD program in 2021 but now stands ready to don the title of "Doctor" in 2024.
Her academic path, shaped profoundly by her father's encouragement and eventual loss, provides a poignant counterpoint to Pearl's story. She opens up about the rollercoaster ride of switching academic tracks, the impact of her father’s passing in December 2021, and the emotional toll it took. Pearl and I discuss the intersections of grief and motivation, touching on the emotional trials that come with losing a loved one while striving to meet academic milestones. She shares her experiences with finding a therapist who helped manage her grief and academic stress, and we both reflect on the importance of mental health and support systems. Newcomers will get to know Pearl through our shared history, and everyone will be reminded of the incredible power of perseverance and the unwavering support of loved ones.
We end this heartfelt episode with a discussion about healing and growth through therapy, prayer, and find out what's next for Dr. Abue. What does it take to bounce back from the brink of academic despair to the cusp of graduation? Well, find out in this latest episode, and watch this video to recap our best moments from that weekend. (Fun-fact: I was the resident photographer/videographer at all the events!)
As always, we hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed recording!
Ph.Done ✌🏾✌🏾; mic drop...
Lots of love & BBQ steak, from Austin TX,
Tolu & Dr. P
Please rate the podcast and leave a review wherever you listen; it helps me reach other people like you. Also, follow here for more :) Thank you!
HELLLLOOOO GOOD PEOPLE! Yes, yes, I have missed you too.
How have you been? I hope you have been keeping well. If I tell you all that has happened to me within the past three months since you last heard from me here, you would not believe! So many changes! I didn't know Season 4 of my life in the US would hit this hard! I'm now in a state of perpetual embrace brothers & sisters; God told no lies when he said to get ready! For context, see Season 4's Trailer.
In this episode, I'm back with another guest, a return guest, my friend, your friend - Dr. Pearl Achuoboro Abue! Fun-fact: She was our very first guest on this podcast! In our very first episode together (Season 1, Episode 6), she shared how she almost dropped out of the Chemical Engineering PhD program in 2021 but now stands ready to don the title of "Doctor" in 2024.
Her academic path, shaped profoundly by her father's encouragement and eventual loss, provides a poignant counterpoint to Pearl's story. She opens up about the rollercoaster ride of switching academic tracks, the impact of her father’s passing in December 2021, and the emotional toll it took. Pearl and I discuss the intersections of grief and motivation, touching on the emotional trials that come with losing a loved one while striving to meet academic milestones. She shares her experiences with finding a therapist who helped manage her grief and academic stress, and we both reflect on the importance of mental health and support systems. Newcomers will get to know Pearl through our shared history, and everyone will be reminded of the incredible power of perseverance and the unwavering support of loved ones.
We end this heartfelt episode with a discussion about healing and growth through therapy, prayer, and find out what's next for Dr. Abue. What does it take to bounce back from the brink of academic despair to the cusp of graduation? Well, find out in this latest episode, and watch this video to recap our best moments from that weekend. (Fun-fact: I was the resident photographer/videographer at all the events!)
As always, we hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed recording!
Ph.Done ✌🏾✌🏾; mic drop...
Lots of love & BBQ steak, from Austin TX,
Tolu & Dr. P
Please rate the podcast and leave a review wherever you listen; it helps me reach other people like you. Also, follow here for more :) Thank you!
I've started, I'm nervous. You stop being nervous. You've done this like you should be the one who is nervous, I know, but I just feel like maybe there's just so much happening, so I'm not, I don't know, I'm not feeling things.
Speaker 2:I'm just here.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm just here. You can't be nervous. You've done this in many attempts, exactly you got this.
Speaker 2:Yes, girl, okay, let's begin. Ask about me on the streets of Ithaca. They will tell you. I'm popular everywhere. I mean, I'm that new Nigerian girl who just came here and has friends in all sects and factions of this university MBA, graduate student, undergraduate student, phd student. Like girl, I'm popular. Welcome to the non-immigrant student podcast. Girl, I'm popular, but yeah, welcome to the Non-Immigrant Student Podcast. This is the podcast where, if I can do it, you can do it too. Hi guys, welcome back to the Non-Immigrant Student Podcast. I'm so excited to be back. I feel like it's been a hot minute. You know, the last episode I did was with my friend Busaya, and we talked about our friendship and a lot of other things anyway. And today I have with me another guest, that who is also, who has been here for two, who has been here twice already and now this is her third time. The first episode we did was dropping out of her PhD degree, which was later turned around. Second episode had to do with dating.
Speaker 1:Right, love is blind and yeah, we're just talking about a bunch of things there.
Speaker 2:Dating and now we're here, at the end of the finish line of your phd degree.
Speaker 1:We're back three years after I told you.
Speaker 2:I told you anyway, if you're new here, we're going to introduce ourselves. Welcome back to the Non-Regretting Episode. Non-regretting Student Podcast. Like I said, and if you're new here, my name is Tolopo Esther Olukomi, funnily known as the Non-Regretting Student on Instagram, and with me I have. She has Dr.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, have she has doctor.
Speaker 2:oh my god, yes, girl, give it up, give it up give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up. Give it up, give it up, give it up. Give it up. Give it up. Give it up. Give it up, give it up. Give it up. Give it up, give it up, give it up. Give us a round applause, a standing ovation. Yes, wow, thank you so much for coming back I owe you a t-shirt like I was saying yes, now I gave you guys can hold.
Speaker 1:Hold on to it now that she has said it here yes, I gave a t-shirt to her.
Speaker 2:I was like you know what? Thank you for coming, for all the people that drag their friends to do stuff with them, and thank you for always saying yes, for wanting to do. And actually what inspired this part two of the episode was because recently someone said found a podcast who just moved to the us.
Speaker 2:All of a sudden shout out to you shout out to you yeah, she sent me a message saying that she just listened to the episode I did with pearl and she just sent her phd journey. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like you know what? Funny enough, pearl is even graduating. Same person who we thought was going to drop out is graduating this year and we're going to do a part two, and that's why we're here. So, so to begin, um, I can't believe it. Yes, girl, you've been raising five days. How do you?
Speaker 1:feel, I feel I honestly don't know how I feel like it just feels so unreal. I feel like that's the biggest feeling so far like I just I can't believe it. Yeah, I can't believe it. Like it's. It seems like an out-of-body experience kind of like. I can't really, I can't, I can't explain how I feel because I don't know how I feel, because I don't really feel anything.
Speaker 2:That industry is much, though, but you know, as a doctor okay, I'm going to do that thing. Remember that thing when you graduate. Remember that video that we sent our group chat first day drinking water as a fiance first time recording a podcast as a doctor.
Speaker 1:Yes, girl, a philosophy guys although I will be saying, yes, there's a doctor on the flame and the ass who cracked that joke on our?
Speaker 2:okay, yeah, I remember I was on our camp group chat. Someone said that when they find you accident, doctor can say yes, yeah and I will Silently to the person next to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so nice. I mean, yeah, just for people who might not know us. I feel like people who are already following this podcast will be tired of us always saying how we met. But you know, the story has to be complete. So how did we meet? Oh, my gosh, you might be listening to this for the first time. There is a part one. Okay, let me give a disclaimer about the second. There is a part one called dropping out of your phd and I'll go into it, like in much later in the episode yeah, how did you?
Speaker 2:I mean short form of the story. Short form, I feel like.
Speaker 1:I feel like yeah, now it can be shortened a lot. Yeah, we met in school um shout out to see you we met in school in our probably met in our first year, but like we became friends for real in our third year while we worked together and and yeah, tolu was just an amazing person she sent me a message that kind of put her on my radar. I was like, oh, she's so sweet. And then she asked me to work for her, work with her.
Speaker 2:Did I send?
Speaker 1:you a message where I said it to you in the bathroom. Look, you sent me the first message you sent to me, right when I had just lost someone. You sent me a message and that was the thing that really made me feel like we weren't that close.
Speaker 2:So I was really shocked. I was like, how can, oh my god, someone lost their partner? Oh my god, it's cool, yeah.
Speaker 1:But you know, when I'm like a partner, yeah, okay, whatever but yeah, she sent me a message and and like I was just like, oh, we weren't that close. I didn't even really know if that she knew that I was seeing this person at the time.
Speaker 2:I had just heard yeah, and she said sorry. She sent me a message and I just felt like, oh, she's really sweet.
Speaker 1:And then, um, she happened to ask me to work with her to be her general secretary for college week. For college week in our third year college week.
Speaker 2:That college week was banging. It was probably the best one, honestly, in my memory.
Speaker 1:I don't even think anyone asked her.
Speaker 2:Honestly, it was the college-wide one, I think we worked on science and technology and engineering together yeah, and then we now had the theme be synergy. Yes, that was a good thing, and di and everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a good, that was a good yeah, but yeah so that was first I mean that was when, like I feel like our friendship really started Working together like that, and seeing Tolu for the kind of person she is was my first to be like I want to be this babe's friend, ciao. And I mean, here we are.
Speaker 2:Here we are. How many years. That was 2016. Eight years later, eight years, girl, yes. And then we found out we became roommates, yeah, and then we were roommates, and then she taught me how to eat Ewa G, and Ewa G is still one of my favorite meals.
Speaker 1:You know. You said this in part one. Yeah, because this is a comment where she taught me how to eat Ewa G. And it's so funny because when we recorded the first, the part one and she brought a wadji for me, I did yes, and I was like this is somebody that knows. I was like what happened. But yeah, that year and we were together for a year. How long were we? It seemed like it was just how fast we went forward.
Speaker 2:We went forward on IT. Then 5-1-0, we came back and I was like Pearl, you are such an, put all our shit together on that team, okay. Someone said we stopped throwing stuff. You put a lot of stuff together like you got us so organized. You created book drive templates. I mean, this was even after I knew that I was like I want to work with you again.
Speaker 2:and then, well, I think I was so excited to lead community development for cpcr final year university planning community for students yeah, I like to work with you again. And then we worked again together and it was amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes, another amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, best team. That was also very nice. We're a dream team. We worked together every day.
Speaker 1:Well, exactly.
Speaker 2:And then we came and you always I mean sometimes you have feedback from me, but you look for a way to tell me, even if the US, you did come before a lot of us, which is why a lot of our friends are coming here to celebrate you this weekend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I actually can't believe that they're all coming. I've been telling people that I can't believe. All those people are coming here for migration. Like, is it that deep?
Speaker 2:I'll just give context Today is May 9th, may 9th. My so we have friends right now on a trip from Louisiana right to from.
Speaker 1:Alabama and they're driving 12 hours wild exactly I have a friend who flew in from Europe. Yeah, yeah, actually the OG, but the OG came from Japan guy exactly is going to be here live at direct.
Speaker 2:I knew like I had to be here, there was nothing that was stopping me from not being here. I'm really grateful to God that we can all be here to experience this today. I still remember when you called me in 2018 to tell me that you got funding for UT Austin.
Speaker 2:I was still at work in that. I don't know. This is what my grandma said. I remember I was shawoking. It's not like it was bad, but I just remember feeling frustrated at that time. You guys need to see her face. Oh my God. And, funny enough, I was never really planning to do my master's until master's prep, until end of 2019. Really yeah until even the pandemic happened. You know, I was still waiting on KPMG because I passed the exam.
Speaker 1:I was like I must chop right now, when I look back.
Speaker 2:I cannot complain. I'm grateful for where we are.
Speaker 1:I'm divinely doing because I don't think.
Speaker 2:I wonder if you would have been here like the non-immigrant student podcast. Yeah, we would not be here today if I was still, if she was still in Nigeria and in KBFG money exactly exactly, exactly. So we're really grateful and I'm happy that we're able to do patrol this podcast and do you also remember when you helped me when I first got here in 2020 and my card wasn't working. I didn't have a card and I shopped for things from target and then it was like about four hundred dollars, yeah they helped me pay for it.
Speaker 1:I used my first tax return to live out of this shopping. Yeah, in my head I was just like it's for money now I'm a big girl, I can have my friend. Let me help her. So yes, that was that was, that was nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was nice, I remember and then, after I got my, I was able to deposit money that I came with from nigeria and then paid you back. But yeah, I'm good. Thank you for helping me so we're really happy, we're really proud of you pill, and I know you were complaining that your mom said she wants to make a fang soup and you were like that's too much, that she was also saying that we should rent her. I'm like, of course we can rent it her, you guys, after five years.
Speaker 1:I'm not really sure what my mother is planning, but let's just say that I'm just here like this man is doing this for this yeah.
Speaker 2:Lord knows what she's going for your wedding. I know, because this is a lot, it's a lot. Ask me about it, guys, if you guys check my stories from today, she, she wasn't like we need to do the.
Speaker 1:I'm not the graduate, I'm not the graduate, I'm just as far as I'm concerned, my mommy's new favorite child is to you well, I'm the same wavelength. So definitely they make me roll my eyes, you guys, consistently. I'm just oh gosh, anyway, love it for them love to see.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, let's jump right into it. So, um, for today's episode, I wanted us to really talk about, you know, to recap what really happened with part one. You know what led to the story of you dropping out. There's some things I remember, even for me, just thinking of the part of your journey that I knew. I want to ask you on it, like how, how has everything led you to be like you know, and what are the next things you're doing? Of course, I already know, but for other people, you see, so I think, um, we already talked about how we met. I think we also described how you got into you of the university of texas, austin. I don't know if you want to just touch on it briefly, like what?
Speaker 2:made you want to come to the us in first place yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So, um, I think I already said in part one, but, like I always knew I was going to do a postgraduate degree, but I always felt it was going to be a master's. And then I was looking for what school to go to outside of the country and I should mention this is heavily muslim. But my dad, he kind of put this all in my head and, um, I think I watched schools to go to. I was looking at us and canada and I couldn't really find any schools in canada that were aligning with my goals. But then in us I found two schools ut or ut austin, and um yale.
Speaker 1:The yale program was a master's program, which is what I wanted. The ut program was a ph program, which is what I wanted. The UT program was a PhD program, which I did not want. But I really liked the research and my daddy was like you know, you should do a PhD. And I was just like I don't, this is not what I want to do, and we even fought about it that day. But I just applied because I really liked it and they weren't. They wouldn't take you in for anything for a PhD. So I applied to UT Austin, I applied to you for the program.
Speaker 1:You knew was it chemical engineering it was also chemical engineering, by the way we forgot to mention.
Speaker 2:We actually first course mates. Yeah, yes, that was, that was why we met in first year but became friends later on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So yes, they were both chemical engineering programs, but the research area was in air quality in both universities. But yeah, I was convinced I was going to get into Yale A Yale master's program. Yale was ranked below UT at the time. The Yale chemical engineering department was ranked below UT at the time. It was a master's program. I was just like I had everything it took to get into you what like my gre score was spectacular you had a 320 right, yeah, I was like I can get into you whatever.
Speaker 1:Anyway, you guys, I did not get into you shocking. And then I got into ut austin and I didn't even just get like a congratulations letter.
Speaker 2:I got a call yeah from.
Speaker 1:I got a call from the graduates coordinator at the time, or graduate advisor, I mean at the time tell me congratulations going to UT. And she was but yeah, I got a call from her and, yeah, that's how I got into UT Austin. It was it was a nice situation and I got my fellowship offers. Everything was all great. My daddy was so happy, oh my god. But I thought I was going to do a phd and he told everyone yes everyone.
Speaker 2:Yes, let me take over from here now. I remember that when you did move to start your phd program in camp angela, you had to drop out and you now changed to the master's program and they give you three options back in school that you could either.
Speaker 2:So it was because I hope I can share so and I remember the date was December 19 2019 you were moved to the track. You were given three options to either leave UT, or say master out, or take the option to master out, or move to a different department and start a new PhD program. And this was because you had two B-minuses or so and which led to a 2.78 GPA. So, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:I give so much details I can't remember all the things.
Speaker 2:But at the end of next semester you had a 4.0 GPA, so right?
Speaker 1:I think so, yeah, yeah, but the point is that you had.
Speaker 2:You had those three options and that was why we recorded the first episode, because there was.
Speaker 1:You couldn't believe that you were being asked to drop out of the phd program and then you chose the master's track right yeah, I decided to stay on master's track and apply to other phd programs and then my advisor told me that well, I could reapply to the uc austin chemie ph PhD program and they would consider readmitting me. And then I did that. But then it went. It became a thing of well, we're going to consider reinstating you. And then they voted on them departments and had like I don't know, I can't remember how many votes, but I do know that, like everyone but one person voted in my funeral and so I got redistributed and when that's like that.
Speaker 1:But um, yeah, and so I got reinstated into the program. Yes, yes, and here I am now.
Speaker 2:You know exactly, and that this was 2019. Yeah, you came. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, almost two years later, in december 21st 2021, can we talk about your dad? Let me mention yeah we did um december 21st 2021 and I'm not sure if I'm getting this. I think I found out three days after.
Speaker 2:I think I found out a day or two days before christmas yeah you lost your dad, the person who kind of encouraged you to start to apply to phd program and everything um. How would you say, how did that person affect you in the two years after?
Speaker 1:oh, my god. Um, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I think I think it's fair, I think we need to, or it's something that is a big part of my journey as well, because it didn't just happen in isolation, it didn't just happen like right, it happened and it affected everything. So, um, my dad was sick for all of that year and then he passed on December 21st of 2021 and I think, like it was, it was horrible, but it initially felt like I I kind of had been grieving the entire time he had been sick and so I I just I happened to have been going to nigeria at the time because he had been really sick and I really wanted to see him because, I mean, anything can happen, right, but then he passed like two days before my trip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was yeah, that was fine yeah that was it was.
Speaker 1:It was horrible, I couldn't. I remember the last call we had. I remember telling him like just wait for me, I'm coming, I'll see you soon and everything. And like I, just I could not believe it. Right, and you, I went to nigeria, I was at the funeral.
Speaker 2:Thank god, I'm happy I got to be there and say goodbye, because if there were visa issues and all that, that would have been worse and my visa was not actually expiring at that time, so I had to renew my visa.
Speaker 1:So I renewed my visa at the morning of his memorial because I went for my visa interview and that was the period where you had to go for it and interview.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dropbox had stopped so I had to go for an interview to renew my visa. So I was there in the morning at like 6, 7, 9 am to go for my interview and my dad's memorial was in the evening that same day. So it was. It was a lot, but anyway, thank god, I was able to read my visa and then I came back and then I think that was when things really started to go south in general.
Speaker 1:My mental health just was horrible. My dad had died. My like, my dad that was one of the biggest motivations for this journey had died right. And then the thing that had happened in the start of my journey I never really dealt with that, like I just kind of they told me to get counseling, but I was like I'm a nigerian, I don't need counseling for anything. So everything just resurfaced at the time and that also happened.
Speaker 1:My dad passed like two, three months before my candidacy exam. So for anyone getting it that isn't getting a phd, your candidacy exam is basically where you um propose your research, to tell your advisors about the research you want to do and then they tell you whether or not it is good enough to get you a PhD. Like they basically say okay, this seems like you could get something tangible from it and it seems like a solid idea with a solid methodology and a solid plan and everything. And so, yeah, that exam was like three months after my dad died and so I was not in a good place that period. So let's just say in a nutshell that losing my dad affected me.
Speaker 2:Great yeah, and I will talk about things you did after that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I'm also today when you walked. Today was a good in ceremony. Yeah, you know, wedding ceremony. Yeah, did you think about him?
Speaker 1:you know she was there taking pictures with you and you know, with your mom and everything you know about him today to be honest, and let me just say I think I feel maybe a little bit guilty about this, but like to be honest, I thought more about my dad before today, like I thought more about him coming into this period, like I I remember thinking I can't believe my dad will be here today, and then I also briefly thought about him I don't know if that sometime this week as well, but but to be honest, today I didn't really think about him during the whole thing. I think there was just so much joy. My mommy was there. I called out my mommy on national.
Speaker 2:TV. Oh, my mom.
Speaker 1:Bye-bye. Anyway, my mommy was there, my mommy, okay, my mommy was there, my aunt was there, antony was there, my aunt was there, and like I and tony was there, so like I was just surrounded with so much love that I think I wasn't, I didn't think about that and it's okay, yeah, and it's fine, it's really okay. And then, like I think, to ask me this question now and I I realized I was about to cry and I was just like I start crying before people hear my voice.
Speaker 2:Well, let me Let me also ask you this may be making you feel better. I remember in part 1 I was asking you we were talking about if you sent money back home and I was like, how do you show your parents appreciation? And I will record something you said. You said this life is very ephemeral, so they need to know I love them and are grateful at some point. So would you say you were able to give him any of his flowers while he was alive?
Speaker 1:oh my god, yes and no, I don't think I give it to him enough. I I wish I had told him more how much, like, how grateful I am for the mindsets that he gave me in general. Yeah, so I mean I just wish that I was, I was able to like tell him more that, like I was super grateful for some of the specific things that he taught me and specific things that he made sure that I knew and I was aware of. So, yeah, I mean he definitely knew how grateful I was and how proud I was to be his daughter and how happy I was for all the guidance he gave me, but I, I I feel like it wasn't enough maybe this is just me feeling this way.
Speaker 1:Maybe I did, but like I think, well, well to us, your friends.
Speaker 2:Remember I used to hate him, mr Sybillien because of how well we used to talk about him, right yeah. I even knew that, oh, definitely have to talk about. To talk about it today and rest in peace. Mr Jerry Abue, we'd like to thank you for your support, even from heaven.
Speaker 2:Even though you got a fully funded program. You would always talk about how he still sent money, how he still supported you and all that. And you talked about too, also him getting into Columbia University back in the day, but he couldn't come, but then eventually he went to Harvard Business School. So we know he was a big part of getting a good fit to him. Yeah, so yeah and I'm sure he's happy Hopefully.
Speaker 1:Do you?
Speaker 2:think that deaf people see us.
Speaker 1:I mean do you know, that I said the same thing my sister. No, I feel you love his blindness. He keeps it for people that are hearing I know I feel people do that. I don't know, Do you?
Speaker 1:think your spirits come like people do that I, I don't know, I don't know, but like I mean, I, I, I genuinely don't know. You know what, let me know if I'm from, and you know, let me me. I'm a nigerian, so the truth is I don't know. Like I. I would like to think that he can, he's like aware of what is happening. Otherwise, like I want him to be part of this joy, and so, even if I can't see his joy physically, I would like to think that, like he is happy oh that's too much it's okay.
Speaker 2:It's okay, let's move on. But anyway, do you have any? If you were here, anything you'd like to say to him?
Speaker 1:oh, I would give him a big hug, okay. Well, first of all, anybody that cannot code by now that I'm a daddy's girl, well, I use that as a person you guys know by now.
Speaker 2:You know, I love my daddy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah you would know, I mean, I'm a big daddy's girl. But, like there, if you were here I would really just say thank you, daddy, for encouraging me to do this. And I mean I will say he was super supportive even when, like, I didn't know what direction I was going to go, and he was ready to support me, but then he also believed that I could do it so I would really say thank you for believing in me in more ways than I could do myself, and I just really wish that you were here to Celebrate this with me.
Speaker 1:Like I can't believe he's not in these pictures. We keep talking about me and my mom. We keep talking about if daddy were here. You don't want to know what we have to me.
Speaker 2:You wanna say how down to collect, how we. She said how this week that my husband brought for me. I like how she spoke about oh my god I will tell you now that you're looking good, though you know, yeah, I'm happy to see you guys happy anyway, yeah well, we're thinking of you, mr abu air, today.
Speaker 1:Mr jerry, that's why I call him in the corporate space. When we're colleagues, I address him as mr jerry. That's why I call him in the corporate space when we're colleagues anyway, okay, so let's move on to your page.
Speaker 2:Researchers, this one's, this one's part of the podcast, so people that are looking for phd. It's not really just, but you know it's like um, I remember your defense was when one day, again April 22nd 2020, 2.30 pm. On behalf of I and the other sister girls want to apologize for ready your groups for your chats that day. You guys, do you want to report me?
Speaker 1:Questions that I've received from the other people that weren't a part of this gang or family, so I don't know what to say.
Speaker 2:No, next time don't invite Nigerians to your party, clearly Because these people were discussing the color of their shwebi and someone said cockroach brown.
Speaker 1:Was that Bolu? It was Bolu. She was like no, no. Someone said that.
Speaker 2:So what's the color of their shwebi? This, this was after your defense. And then we're all clapping in the groups that me, I was putting in capsules. You're that girl, she's that girl getting girl. You know, people were like lfg, let's, let's go, let's freaking go, let's use your corporate term, oh wow. So I was like what's the color of the asher if someone said onion purple?
Speaker 1:but it was so hilarious, it's so hilarious, and do you know that?
Speaker 1:So the thing with I don't know anyone that has a PhD in defense knows that, like you, have the public session where you talk to tell everybody about the work that you've done, and then they have the public ask questions and then, after their questions, they now have them leave. Now, when they leave, your committee now asks you questions and then decides whether or not you satisfied the requirements and sacrifice, satisfied all that you need to be awarded the PhD. Now, these people Tolu specifically, she was the first one that unmuted herself and then started Congratulations, pearl. Before my committee had asked any questions.
Speaker 2:Do any of you have any questions for the phd and now?
Speaker 1:but like they were supposed to, go and then they would not ask me questions, and they should not be angry.
Speaker 2:We could not take it. I just omitted. I was like congratulations, p.
Speaker 1:We're so proud of you to every other person, every other person that my mom came from nigeria was like perla.
Speaker 2:I said oh my god, it's already finished in the book of the lord that we're going to get that page.
Speaker 1:Any other thing they wanted to say?
Speaker 2:was for their pocket, even when they were like I have a question. Larry said please go ask your grandfather, because there's no, there's no question about it.
Speaker 1:Nigerians are so violent. Oh my goodness, it was so hilarious.
Speaker 2:I remember the Saturday before then. You know you had practiced with us. Yes, I did, and so that was nice, but you know. So, living up onto all of that, when you began your research, what did it feel like presenting all of that work? You know, there's something you kept mentioning. You talked about how your research was on air quality and how perfumes are not good, something about Sephora.
Speaker 1:I've been, first of all, disclaimer. I never said that perfumes are not good. That's not what I said. I just said I just said that, like. So, basically, in a nutshell, the good thing about my research is that if you know about it, then you know the best way to use these products. Right, it's not a don't use them. It's more a use them in this way To minimize the possibility Of being exposed To things that are harmful To you. Right, like these things In and of themselves Aren't harmful, but then they can react and form things that could be harmful to you. So that was Kind of my key message. But and I feel like People just like to jump at the oh, you said dishwashing soap, yeah, and chlorine, like the chlorine I need to clean my sink is going to, and I'm just like I mean no, I didn't say don't use dishwashing soap, like someone literally asked me that, so does that mean she didn't use it?
Speaker 2:because I tried to stop using this plug-in air.
Speaker 1:You told me like I mean yeah, like you just, and the other it's not necessary in my opinion, like there are safer ways to keep your place, your space, smelling good. Like what soy candle would be. Yeah, like the soy candle, even candles. Candles are questionable in general, but I mean coconut candle wax they say is better, so perhaps I haven't measured it so I can't say from, like an actual scientific point of view, yeah, but like, yeah in general. That, I think, is the basic message of my research and that's what I really like. I feel like it's very relatable. I feel like somebody can ask me so how can I apply your research to my real life? And I can tell them even if tell us how well open your windows.
Speaker 1:That's one thing like open your windows when you open your windows in general, because people don't realize that the indoor space is actually more likely to expose you to harmful um pollutants because, like you're indoors, so they think they have control over their indoor air. But the truth is that you don't, and truth is that it's a smaller volume, so the your exposure levels are higher, like essentially, the concentration of things that you're exposed to are higher because it's a smaller space. So when you open up your window, the air from outside comes in and then the air from your room goes out and it's just like it's.
Speaker 1:It's less concentrated. So does another thing if you're in an environment where there's bad air, then I mean close your window and use an air filter. Yeah, electronic air filters everywhere. There is this, one of my. One of the people I collaborated with actually made their own air filter, which I think is really cool. I'm the rich course. The corsi rosenthal box, I think this was this cold.
Speaker 1:So like basically an air filter, you just plug it in. It's a fan with two um two um activated carbon filters, so the air just passes through and activate activated carbon absorbs vocs.
Speaker 2:So I keep you know. During yours and your um defense, I kept trying to remember the difference in absorption and absorption. You know the total that you know you came along I think absorption is the other way. It absorbs the anyway, I think one goes in.
Speaker 1:No, they are both. They are both like the same thing.
Speaker 2:But I think one tissue absorbs water.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then core absorbs because it stays on the surface I think it's a surfactant, or no.
Speaker 2:No, I'm sorry, I didn't imagine surfactant, but it's not a surfactant.
Speaker 1:But basically I think absorption just means that things are like on the surface.
Speaker 2:Yeah, please don't quote me, please don't quote us, please. We are retired chemical engineers now, now, yes, yes, we are now retired chemical engineers.
Speaker 1:Well, I might really be tired, but you know Exactly, I know.
Speaker 2:That's true. Okay, let's not jump, we'll talk about what next.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So I want to talk about your advisor. Is it PI or what? I don't know? We call them PI's advisor. So PI means primary or principal investigator and advisor, like whatever you want to call them, it seems like we have a good relationship with her and I've heard like people live in their labs.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what that really means, but like well, is there anything about your journey with your advisor, your PI? How supportive was she about your project? Because I your PI. How, how, what? How supportive was she about your project because I know you also did something about indoor and outdoor air quality in convenience for undergrad right.
Speaker 1:Your, your thesis was also on that, so just tell us what's the experience like with your advisor or PI?
Speaker 1:let's just say I thank God that she was the one that was my advisor and not anyone else. Like it, just, it really very much feels like a divine orchestration, to be honest, because what happened was a lot and a lot of people don't tend to get as much support as I did from my advisor. So I really really value my relationship with her. She was ready for it to just be a master's and if I wanted to do research while I did master's, she was fine with that. But then she also advocated for me to the department, um, for the for me to either reapply and get readmitted or to be reinstated into the program, like she was one of the people that advocated for me in the department. So, like I'm just, we had it. We had a really good relationship and it was also really professional, like just.
Speaker 2:I'm very care about that because you know, most times most of the things. That is just like when you're all from the same race or group or demographic that you'll stand by each other.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I have seen good non-black people, yeah yeah, she's, she's, she's german, so she, she, she was amazing, that's all I have to say. Like I had a good relationship with her. I could tell her Whatever was happening, because when my dad was sick, I had a hard time focusing on work and I was able to communicate that, well, my dad just got diagnosed With cancer and I'm having a hard time working and everything, and she understood that. She was able to empathize, um, when I lost my dad as well. She was very accommodating when I had to extend my trip for um, no personal reasons and yeah, so our relationship was really good. She was super supportive.
Speaker 2:Like I'm happy that she was the one that I've got to go through this journey with and if for someone who might be having a hard time with their advisor, what advice would you have for them? If someone is micromanaging, or like just having a tough time. I have a friend I call his advisor on his girlfriend every minute, Like she's always like call him.
Speaker 1:I know that person. I feel like, oh no, no, it's a different person.
Speaker 2:I know someone that says that and I'm just like inappropriate, much exactly like. Oh, I'm like how is I react? How is your girlfriend? Because the way she's always like looking for you?
Speaker 1:yeah, some people say that that you know phd thing is like being in a relationship with someone which is very light, to be honest, the way, the way they believe. Yeah, yes, but um advice, I think it's very um situation specific, to be honest, like it depends on what the situation is with your advisor. Some things can be can be managed by, like actually communicating that you have an issue with them, like your advisor might be able to do better if you just said that you didn't like certain things. But then there are also situations that may not be handled by just communicating, like you may have to, as they say I don't know if it's in nigeria here- escalates ah, it's here.
Speaker 2:Escalate. I've gotten that feedback before.
Speaker 1:You do not escalate, escalate anyway, yeah like some situations may need like more other people to get involved. So I would say, talk to someone within your department that you think is trustworthy to see what the best way to approach your situation is. I know someone that had like some problems with their advisor and it happened to be very situation specific. And it happened to be very situation specific and we like had to like list out cause of action one. Cause of action two if one doesn't work, cause of action three. So yeah, you need to really think about what you want to do and yeah, there's there's very little worth sacrificing your mental health for Sure.
Speaker 2:Perfect segue.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:My next question was what are the things you did that helped keep you sane? I mean, of course, you had us duh yeah, your girlfriend, we're gonna shout them out again. Okay, let's start. So are we shouting out maury, yeah, maury, oh my gosh of faith, who are we missing? And me and us, and yeah, yeah, so six of us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, regular calls like we actually have very regular on the calendar calls we have to do it at some point because it was supposed to be a girl strip group chat that has.
Speaker 2:That, you must see, never happened. It's going to happen six years after it's true, it's going to happen soon, and you? Guys. Just, it's true, all of us are not working right. Yeah, now you're the last you see. Turn by turn, turn is not. What do they say in PG First time they carry it like that. What do they say? I don't know. But see, now you've come, you've joined us.
Speaker 1:Finally. But yeah, the trip is eventually going to happen.
Speaker 2:All of us are working now, so our money is getting in order. Yes, we can afford it At least bare minimum. We can now at least afford the trip and actually talk about it a minute.
Speaker 1:Yes, Now it's ready for us to pick location. And now do you know? You guys won't believe what the next problem is Finding a good time to take PTU. Yeah, when the problems change Cheers to big girl working girl problem. I love it I love it so much.
Speaker 2:I love it so much. Yeah, so, aside us and like having other friends too in Austin, I know that you were close to another. What else? What are the things that kept you safe? Well, I'll give you a few cues, things I think I know you about.
Speaker 1:Okay, you started working out.
Speaker 2:You started dance class.
Speaker 1:I did start working out. You started going to church, okay, I mean, yeah, like first, the one thing was, I think, the first thing. I did when I realized I was at Rock Bottom and this was maybe one or two months after my dad had passed I was like, yeah, I need therapy or I'm not going to make it to the end of this PhD.
Speaker 2:Was it.
Speaker 1:BetterHelp you used. No, I didn't use BetterHelp, I actually used. Okay, let me plug them on paid sponsorship.
Speaker 2:It's fine If you're in US.
Speaker 1:I used Psychology Today.
Speaker 2:Oh I thought that was a podcast. No, no, no, it's a website. Oh, okay, okay, psychology in your 20s or something. Anyway, that's my guy. Yeah, that's the podcast.
Speaker 1:I used Psychology Today, but the first thing I actually did was talk to a. So I know someone that's getting her phd in psychology, so I spoke to her and she was like she would tell me where to find a psychiatrist, a therapist, therapist, right. And so I use psychology today and, um, I like the website because you can filter by your insurance and by what you need help for. And so I did that. And then I just scrolled through. I found a couple of people. I was very particular about it being a woman. That was a woman that I spoke to for therapy and thankfully I was able to find somebody and I would say she wasn't my first person, like I had tell me about it.
Speaker 1:Like four months earlier, when my dad was still alive, I was really sick and I realized I wasn't in a good place. Like that was my first time, my first cue that I wasn't in a good place. Like I think I should have known that something was on this. I did know, tried to go to therapy and it was a white man and I won't no shade to the white man, but like it was just hard trying to connect.
Speaker 2:Connect or explain my entire existence yeah to him mine was, though, but I, I wanted someone who had a daughter, who was a father okay, I would say I got the connection, ish. But because, of what I was going for.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, like I just, it was just hard. So I I ran away, I didn't know, and he kept checking in, checking.
Speaker 2:I never responded, oh god I just told him my daddy died, leave me alone.
Speaker 1:That's basically what I told him. Yeah, and he still used to check him, bro. Anyway, two months after my dad passed, I went back on psychology today, found a therapist, found a couple of people there send them messages and got a couple of responses. But then I happened to meet this black woman and we got talking and, yeah, she was, she was a key factor and she was one that kind of helped me find the other things that were instrumental in like helping me get through everything. And I remember our first session together. She was like why don't you just quit the phd?
Speaker 2:I was like quit, yeah, I really like it like I I don't know if the client shares your session with me. Is that client confidentiality breach of?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, I don't know. You're sharing every time you talk about her. She's very direct, very like oh god, she has pulled my wing even broken, and she's breaking your table, she's breaking ours, she breaks every single table. Oh my gosh, like I was like. Oh, she was like why don't you just quit the PAT? I was just like quit, quit where, quit how? I was just like what do you mean quit? I was just like okay, let's pause. I didn't come here for you to tell me to quit my pet.
Speaker 1:I came here for you to help me get through it, okay okay and she was like, oh okay, that's what we're doing, no problem and I like, I really like the fact that she honestly, like she never once mentioned quitting again, like I, I, she really, really respected that, that was what I had decided to do and I felt like and I think she knew that I felt like I could do it, but, um, she just I just needed to get through it. And so she, we talked, and this is this is a three-year relationship yeah this, at this point it's like if it's, it's like yeah, it's two years, two years.
Speaker 2:Do you ever plan to stop going for therapy?
Speaker 1:yeah, so um yeah, I mean, I don't need it anymore, right now Like it probably will become on a need basis, right. So the way our relationship has evolved she so my most regular therapy sessions were this year, and it was because this year I knew it was going to be hard because I was writing my dissertation. I remember telling her that I think I'm going to need to talk to you more for now.
Speaker 1:So we started doing therapy weekly, her that I think I'm gonna need to talk to you more for now. So we started doing therapy weekly and then she was like, oh, like. And then I was like I feel like I can feel myself handling things better and everything. And she was like, oh, I wonder why, you know, maybe going to therapy weekly actually, and that was so hilarious because I would typically just go once a month before. But then I started going weekly because I felt like I needed it and and I remember like in our last session she was like I'm really proud of you. I can see growth. I can see that you're now more better equipped to handle these kinds of situations.
Speaker 1:I'm always situation stress yeah, like basically how to anxiety, stress, how to even just like because in the start, we really talked a lot about like how to do my work right, like how to, how to know what I wanted to do, and so that was she motivated me to start having, like, annual meetings with my advisor. Like I would have a meeting with her at the start of every semester and outline my goals and ask her if she think, if she thought, that I could get my phd by the time when I was thinking of getting it, and like if she said yes or she she thought that I needed to adjust, she would tell me so. Like my advisor was also like very, very candid, but my therapist was one that told me that I could have these conversations, that I should have these conversations, and having them helped me, like just be more focused on my goal. Yeah, and so like yeah, I would say my, my therapist very much. So you recommend therapy, I recommend it and some people on a scale of one to ten.
Speaker 1:I recommend it. I think it's best, though and I had this conversation, like a couple of days ago, with somebody I think it's best, when you have a goal, when you know what you are going in there, to achieve.
Speaker 2:Get you there from.
Speaker 1:Yeah so. I felt like I was going in there because I needed help to get to the end of my PhD, but then I was also grieving and so I dealt with the grief as well. When I was there and I dealt with not the breakup, yeah I dealt with like no, yeah, I don't stay break up. So those break up not bad. Did pick up happen in the middle of? Thank God, I was in therapy when I was anyway.
Speaker 1:Them know I'm not air my my nice smelling dirty laundry on this platform as my mother would say, but um, yeah, like so, yeah, she helps me through everything. But then some major things that she suggested while we're talking was moving more. And so because I had, I was, I had depression. I was very depressed at some point and she would always tell me to move more and I didn't understand why. But then I eventually started moving and I realized that I was happier when I moved. So I started moving more, working out.
Speaker 2:Did you ever?
Speaker 1:dance. I started dancing.
Speaker 2:Dancing has always been.
Speaker 1:Oh, you mean Beyonce? Yeah, dancing has always been one big thing I go to when I don't know how to deal with my emotions. So I really got back into dancing when I was going through a breakup and like that was chef's kiss. I danced for a year, loved dancing with a group of amazing women and it was just. It was just amazing.
Speaker 2:Let's plug them once. Diva dance, diva dance.
Speaker 1:It's a franchise so you might be able to find them in your city yeah, just search them up. It's lovely, I love it so much. They're dancing, working out, moving, more therapy, friends, building a community where you are the church helping anyone?
Speaker 1:yeah, can't see it. I feel like it's funny that I don't. I'm not mentioning god and it's wrong, but I just feel like don't even ask. That was the question. I mean, of course, like um, church really helped, because there was a time in therapy where I had a clash between my faith and what therapy was asking me to do, and so I talked to a pastor in church that I was going gonna go there and I'm like, okay, tell me the things that she was going to talk about but thank god you brought it up, but yeah, yeah, so it was conflicting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, about a year and a and four months ago.
Speaker 2:So let's just talk about it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I can talk about it briefly yeah, about a year and six months ago, my therapist like was like I think you have adhd and you actually you have anxiety, you have depression, I and all the tools I'm giving you, you're not using them, so I think you should get on medication, and I was like many what?
Speaker 1:yeah, excuse me. So I was just like I I had been telling him no, no, no, no all the time. And then at this point I was just like okay, let me talk to my pastor and see what he thinks. So I called him up and then talked to him and I could not just ask him what do you think? He was like, what's going on? So I had to download everything and he was like I knew that you were not okay this entire time, but I was just waiting for you to be ready to come to us with your needs. And I was just like I'm sorry and, yeah, shaheer and his wife, yeah, um, we all. We talked about it and everything and it took a while. And then, eventually, I was just like okay, I would get on, but they're not opiates, right?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, they're not opiates, but they can be addictive, so they have you can be dependent on them, so um, I ended up getting medication for adhd but if you did, it was the prescription for a particular time for you no, so like they just what they call refills like yeah, yeah, it wasn't unlimited refills.
Speaker 1:I always had to meet with my psychiatrist to get a prescription. But the thing and the reason why I preferred the adhd medication was because, like, I didn't need to take it all the time. I just I just tended to take it more when, um, I was doing tasks that I didn't like, and so it was hard for me. And the reason why, like this came up was because I was not able to finish things, because there were a lot of things I didn't enjoy doing, and so I was just getting stuck, like I would start something and stop it, start something.
Speaker 1:So it was just a lot, it was deep, oh, yeah, so the truth is, if I didn't deal with this thing, I probably wouldn't be here to be like done by now. It would have taken me longer because I would have just been procrastinating and not to say I stopped procrastinating because I kept forgetting that I was dealing with this thing. So every single time I go to therapy and I'm just like I'm unable to do this, and my therapist is like well, are you using all your tools to deal, like all your adhd tools, to deal with this task that you clearly do not want to do? And I'm just like oh, I did not take my medication and I did not break this work down into chunks. And she's like well, use your tools, advice.
Speaker 1:You see all the time yeah, I think that's a big thing. I'm so happy for you like being in school for five years.
Speaker 2:Actually, even I'm stressed, not thinking about it once in a while I wanted to drop off. I remember what do you want to come back home, oh god. Then I talked about it. I said don't worry, I will do it, I will finish my master's yeah, no, no, no, for real.
Speaker 1:My mommy asked me this question. Yeah, my mom asked me if I want to come back home too, because honestly, he's always, oh, he's on top achieving, achieving achieving. No, I don't know who sent us like. Sometimes it's just like okay, but like why? Yeah, like why, like why?
Speaker 1:no, I remember the day I think it was my fourth year I was getting dressed and I just looked at myself and I was like, okay, so now who sends me to come back to school for another four years? See my way, my mates. They have 401k, they have pension retirement savings.
Speaker 2:They have hs. What's that thing? The fattest dog, the patient dog, is the fattest bone.
Speaker 1:But I say look at me, god, I don't have one single hs. At least I can manage and say I have my own personal savings. But one single for one, I feel like you even taught me to say kind of no, you taught me to say me.
Speaker 2:Well, you guys, I knew the things to use, but like you've had obviously better like money because I feel like every time I thought you'd be like I have to win money from my savings and you want to pay it. So I remember you said you kept on.
Speaker 1:I don't know how I saved though, you guys I mean, I always had my salary was very, very much paycheck to paycheck like it's, like it's like you're saving like you know, when they say save for your six months emergency six, where I'm talking about calculating and then calculating how long it would take me to say, based on what I was able to say from what I was ending my six months and imagine going on instagram every day and seeing it, you'll be wondering how much I used to.
Speaker 1:I did in six months, like in, because in my head I'm just like I should be able to save my six months spending from one month salary. Ah yeah, that's even a story for another day very much a story for another day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you were saying um, okay, okay, yeah. Just to ask again did your faith or spiritual feed? Yes, yes, like um. So I.
Speaker 1:I was very much upset that god for a while because I just felt like when it comes to healing, like healing people of diseases, god never answers that prayer. So my head I was really like I'm not surprised that my father died.
Speaker 2:I know I feel like you were very avoidant to about that. I remember I went to see Pastor Aaron in Dallas and he said something and there was someone there. I know he recorded it for you, but I feel like he did not believe it was for you.
Speaker 1:I cried a lot, but like, yeah, I mean my faith, my faith played a huge role. I would like cci, us, cn, north america has like monthly vigils that I used to go for I think I met a group of people that like believed in god and so like it was it was easy to be motivated. Oh my god, and look at me almost forgetting to shout out.
Speaker 2:So when I spoke to my pastor about this whole hula baloo, like he suggested having someone to pray with, and so I prayed with demi.
Speaker 1:Let me give a shout out. Shout out to me. I hope you listen to this, but I prayed with demi every day. Wow, for all of last year, from the point where we started praying to the end, and now this year, like, and then we stopped praying together about the holidays because we're traveling in lots of different time zones. But then this year I remember reaching out and I was just like oh, do you want to pray together, like once a week? So I would pray with demi every day, for it's supposed to be like a 15 minute prayer, but like we would talk to each other about what's going on for like 15 minutes and then pray for another 15. So, yeah, like yes, yes. In a nutshell, it seems like a background, but yeah, it played a huge.
Speaker 2:I agree. That's why, when people actually told us do I recommend therapy? Yes, definitely, because it definitely helped point out blind spots yeah, too I remember, yeah, I, I wish I could go into mine too, but this is not my episode. But, like I talked about this with laddie, but I feel like even with therapy, there was still something missing. Yeah, you know, there's still like, yes, you can do all these things, but the peace, even just having to think of using the peace.
Speaker 2:Why do I have to think about these tools? Until 2023 is solid year, right I?
Speaker 1:think I was solid year for society.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna take my prayer, my prayer lessons, this Bible that I'm struggling to read, I'm gonna read Sunday I was having a random fit, I will just close my eye on the same people, like I see someone stabbing me, so I was irrational fear from nowhere. Yeah, and I just felt like a second person.
Speaker 1:Yeah it's like you rush enough here until I started praying and I felt much more peace, like even though I'm scared, but there's just this, nowhere yeah those that dwell on that secret place you know, I think, I think for me it was even, it's even like I would think about it in the reverse direction, kind of like I feel. I feel like prayer is kind of somewhere that you always turn to, always turn to prayer.
Speaker 1:But then if you pray, if you pray, you know like it's kind of the first place you always turn to right and then after that it's kind of like you cannot just pray in isolation. It's kind of it's it's like with um illnesses right, like you probably still need to take your medication, but like so it's like you pray and then you now also know that these are all the things that you do and so, like you're being strengthened to do the things that you need to do and like to keep yes spiritually and physically, like you work, like, kept on that path, kept on the path of like, continuing to grow yourself, develop yourself and be better.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so before. Yeah, it's a big part. Faith prayer is the key, jesus girl, I love the lord jesus bodies, I beg you.
Speaker 2:But anyway, prayer is definitely the key. But yeah, I want to go back to what you said before we go into the outro part of this episode you said um. You felt like god never healed your dad, so do you still hold any grudges?
Speaker 1:No, I don't Like. I feel like. So I will say the thing is I had lost one. Like I think we said this in the beginning the message Tolu sent to me about the boy that I was dating at the time. That passed right, like he was sick as well and I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and he still died. And then it felt like I had another friend that had cancer and I prayed and prayed, and prayed she still died. And then the same thing happened to my dad. So like I was just so desensitized I feel like I couldn't even really pray for my dad, to be honest, because I just felt like God doesn't answer this prayer as well, otherwise it's going to happen.
Speaker 1:It's still something that, like I think, lurks at the back of my mind sometimes, and I worry about having to pray for healing. Because I'm just like yeah, if I'm having to pray, then well, we all know what's going to happen. But I mean, I'm hoping that I can deal with that, you know, If you guys have tips on how to come out of that mentality, because so in therapy cannot probably help me no unless it's a christian therapist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, and something about therapy random, but my therapist is not christian. But I remember always telling her about my christianity, like she could not try to stay me away it Like I would always. So I made sure that she knew that I was a Christian and my beliefs do not align with certain things or like the way I'm being led, like being able to pray was keeping me sane in a way Right. So she knew that part of me and she never factored it into my therapy. So that's another criteria for knowing if the person you're with is suitable for you.
Speaker 2:So now, as we wrap up, if you could describe your PhD journey in three words, what would you do? This is the only question I gave you explore.
Speaker 1:Sorry if I probably failed this question because I did not listen, I did not think about it, because I was thinking about a bunch of other things, but in three words, grueling.
Speaker 2:Wow, okay, yeah, okay, yeah it was.
Speaker 1:It was grueling, it was enlightening because I feel like I grew a lot yeah gr yeah, growing because of everything that kind of happened, you know, along the way. We've talked about that exhaustively. Enlightening because I learned a lot about myself and I feel like I also grew into myself in a manner of speaking, especially in these last like few months.
Speaker 1:I, I like, I like the person that I'm becoming now a lot that's really hard for me to say because my friends know my friends know I can be very critical of myself and everything, but I like the person that I'm becoming in general in like life, not even just we've always loved you, girl my dear thank god we thank god for you people loving me where I was, but I don't think I loved me where I was enough. But I'm now like I like that.
Speaker 2:I think I came into that in 27 actually yeah, you have accepted who you are yeah, and you just own it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just kind of own it, yeah. So yeah, grueling, enlightening and strengthening Mmm. Mmm mmm, mmm, yeah, I feel strengthened. And I don't know if it's the PhD that's stressing me, or God's stressing me through the PhD. But you know, people know.
Speaker 2:Whoa, Like I feel strong. Are you stressing physically or mentally or emotionally?
Speaker 1:Mentally, emotionally, physically Well, physically is questionable, but Physically kinda but, but like in kind of in every way, because there are just certain things now that I'm just like and and, like I know that I can. I can go through things like I know I can deal with it nothing really um throws me anymore and I think of that, but this baby has bitten me all the way, side, left, right, center.
Speaker 2:Remember when we were just being on calls, let's just. And we even fell off the back end. I was supposed to be calling you every other week or something yes so but anyway, we were just being on calls, people were just typing away with her coffee or her tea or whatever see I drank coffee.
Speaker 1:I'm surprised my bad that coffee did not make it into my acknowledgement it's true, you were shouting us out on your, on your, my face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I saw it yeah, yeah, it's quite a wonder that coffee, the coffee, is meant to be there. In case you read my acknowledgements, know that coffee coffee is right next to bobs, that's so you too. Bobs was sitting down at my feet. Bobs is the dog. Yeah, bobs was sitting down next to me while I typed coffee. Was sitting down next to me while I typed Coffee. Was sitting down next to me on the table while I typed, drinking some coffee and rubbing some Bob's while I was working.
Speaker 2:I love that Guerlain enlightening strengthening yeah, deep, oh deep.
Speaker 1:I might think about that word. So if you ask me in two years and I say something else, it's not bad it feels.
Speaker 2:It feels pretty encapsulating. Actually, those are three good words. Wow, you didn't even say fun. I didn't know what. I thought you would say fun, fun, but you went on trip I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Do you know where I went to those trips? Did I not send you pictures of what was there? So you guys, this trip she's talking about, I was seeing flares. I don't know. If you're in the oil and gas industry, you probably know what a flare looks like. It's literally fire burning. They are flaring natural gas and burning.
Speaker 2:It's like yeah, I'm just going to present your. Yeah, I was going to sample this thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, and then conferences. But then conferences were, I mean north carolina, lovely, yeah. Um. San francisco was nice too.
Speaker 2:Food was really good, and I saw the golden gate bridge so was nice too, food was really good and I saw the golden gate bridge, so anyway, yeah, we'll take that growling enlightening straight, and then fun ish when you came to mexico, when you came to new york was that phd? Was that? No, you were still doing your phd.
Speaker 1:Was that my phd that carried me to mexico or new york? For those things I probably wouldn't be seen we will accept it.
Speaker 2:Growing and life is strengthening and then any last sort of advice for three groups of people. Now, someone who is a new PhD student, so someone who has just resumed their program one advice for them someone midway, like our friends who are coming, who have started their second year, third year, and then, lastly, for someone graduating with you today. So what three pieces of advice would you have for these three groups of people?
Speaker 1:for the first person. Set your goals, like, like, think of the end, in fact, know what the end is supposed to look like. I feel like that was something that I didn't know when I, when I started, like I was very, very unclear on what a phd was. Weirdly enough, I feel like most people were aware. A lot of people have had parents do PhDs and then they come to do PhDs, but I'm the first person in my family, um. So, yeah, set your goals clearly. Be open to learning. Ask all the questions that you can. Don't feel stupid like that. Literally, that's when you should not know anything.
Speaker 1:So ask all the questions that you can. Take as many notes as you can, read those papers. Get that fundamental knowledge. Like just be a sponge. It sounds very generic, but yeah, be a sponge. But also make sure that you have community. Make sure you have a life outside of the phd. Like make sure there's something else that's keeping you going. Otherwise, like you're going to get burnt out and you're not going to want to keep doing it so I think that that would be my main thing, like have a community.
Speaker 1:I was like most people just end up having all their friends with their, their cohort people or their lab mates have friends that aren't doing phds as well, and I'm not saying don't have peace, but just just have both groups, because one thing shows you what to aspire to and the other thing keeps you informed on what is happening within your groups and like make sure it makes you feel like you're not alone in what you're going through so make sure you have both groups.
Speaker 1:I didn't at the start and this kind of my fault, but yeah that was something I would have done at the start. For someone midway their program Midway I feel like midway is where most people try to decide whether or not they want to keep doing what they are doing. I would say do something different for like three months, like literally drop your PhD for a while.
Speaker 2:Did you ever do that?
Speaker 1:When I did my internship.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't know that. Oh yeah, when I did my internship.
Speaker 1:That was when, like, that was my, that was my. That was the three 11-ish weeks that I did not do anything PhD like research-related in my work. And then when I came back, I came back with a renewed sense of motivation, like the way I was so ready to be done and I wasn't. It was like I was so ready to be done but I was also excited about some of the work I was working on. But, like, I was so motivated to do the work, so I ran my last set of experiments, processed my data, started writing my piece of paper. My first thank god. But like, do something else, because it's either going to show you whether or not you want to keep doing the phd and see through to the end, or if you just don't want to do it now.
Speaker 1:As a non-immigrant student I know that not just doing it is a luxury, so perhaps just hope for the best, that maybe to encourage you to do it more. But if it's telling you not to keep doing that, then don't. Yeah, just like, do what master out yeah, you can master out like the job. Yeah, get a job, master out like get your masters and leave don't just leave without any degree, just just get something and leave.
Speaker 1:But that is. That is one thing. I would say do something else for a while, just to just do that, renew your motivation, or reset, reset, it's a good reset, yeah and then for someone graduating today just like you for someone graduating.
Speaker 1:Take those months off, if you have them, and rest, man, because when I tell you that I'm so sure that there wasn't a one month span when we weren't thinking about anything for the last five years, how many months do you have for this faculty I? I have like three months. Well, the rest of May, June and July. I have those three months off, so that's perfect. I guess three is your number.
Speaker 2:So, in a nutshell, I like what you said to the first group of people. People know what the end should look like.
Speaker 1:I think that was the most profound thing.
Speaker 2:And then of course, have a community in school and outside of school. And then the second group of people get an internship do something outside of PEG for a while. But the last group of people take a break before they get back into PEG. And from a fellow Cop, america girlie, like you see, when Bukola Deb now takes a gap year, I'm like, if I take a gap year, what would that mean financially?
Speaker 1:Because the P it's not enough, because, like, the pto is never really pto in.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly, do you get like I have to take that because it's not, because the work still has to work, like I? Mean it's not every time that days I actually take my days off and don't open my laptop. But yeah just like the work just still has to work.
Speaker 1:Even today, I was still checking emails.
Speaker 2:This is. I'm not going to start crying. Some days I'm so frustrated I'm like God. How much break can I take? How much time can you take off work?
Speaker 1:right About to be in the slump.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're about to be in the Okay to not be trenches. Be in the trenches in Jesus name so, in a nutshell, just before we go to the final part of this podcast, would you say, definitely, it was worth it in the end.
Speaker 1:I would say it was worth it seeing it through to the end. The only thing I wish is that maybe I had a stronger conviction about my why before I started yeah because the truth is, I did it because I liked research, um, and your dad? Yeah, because my dad encouraged me to, but like it was fine, because I also liked research, yeah. Would I recommend that those be the only two reasons you do a phd?
Speaker 2:no, but so why, even if people say they want to change the world, can you actually change? You know, that was like my gratitude for set, because sometimes I feel like I didn't know it doesn't necessarily change the world. That was my issue, because I tried to do biofoils.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh, I want to contribute to renewable energy.
Speaker 2:When I did all my lab test results minus 0.0.0, I did not have any results in the lab and I was just like I mean, but your no result is a result.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what my advisor kept saying. It just means she don't go down this path. Okay, fair, negative results are also valuable.
Speaker 2:After working with all those microorganisms. Yeah, because it just means don't do this. I badly want to do this For her if she continues she's not going to do that.
Speaker 1:She knows not to do that. For other people coming in that have that idea, if they search, they find that you did that and it didn't work, and so they don't do it again. So no result is a result. So you always contribute to knowledge in like trying to explore something new, but I don't know, you discover that that new thing isn't going to work, or you discover that it's the best thing since size bread.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank you so much, p. So what next? What next do people want to know what next um so I got a job.
Speaker 1:Yes, girl tell us where um so I'm going to be starting at mckenzie and company in a few months and I'm excited about it. I don't know what to are you looking forward to starting.
Speaker 2:When's your start date?
Speaker 1:um, it's in august. I am looking forward to starting um, because I just feel like I've never really experienced work.
Speaker 2:Yeah like corporate work. You would be so good. Why do you think so? Because we work together like you're very efficient, very organized wow, okay, I do that.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm feeling like I don't even know if that's the same person I am now. You're very well-focused.
Speaker 2:Like I say, you will crush it as it comes out. I can see you and you know how to play. I think you're also a very diplomatic person. Really. So many small things I've told you in my mind, but you, I think you know how to play too, wow so you're saying that we're going to ask you, sir. I did say that, you said that you guys, I did say that wow, see, there are things.
Speaker 1:I've just discovered. I said you're diplomatic what does that mean?
Speaker 2:it means you should know how to play both sides. I guess, but anyway but I think it would suck seeing you consulting.
Speaker 1:That's good. It's good too.
Speaker 2:I like the vote of confidence, thank you so yeah, um, I mean, we talked about the job search in part one, so please feel free to check it out and you know, I think we've kind of hinted on the risk and how you try to apply for the role, because did you? Do your internship with them or no?
Speaker 1:but you got this job when what year last I got? I got my offer in 2023.
Speaker 2:Three okay, yeah but yeah, I know you started recruiting anyway. Do you remember when you were ending 30k at the start of your page? No, I will not say your real money, but how much do you make? They told me enough. That's how I feel like when did they ask you just say enough, enough, enough, yeah, enough to make me happy and others you know.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be sad To make me and others happy. I can't complain.
Speaker 2:Yes, and girls and guys talk about finances. I like what you said about meeting other people. You know what to aspire to. You know when people are open about these things. You know that If you think that you're the best place, there's more.
Speaker 1:My, the best place. There's more. My, yes, my sister, there's more. Please talk to people that are not in the same place in life, as you?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's very necessary. And how is the house search? I know you're moving, you're living.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, you guys are moving to houston by the way guys, we're recording this live in austin texas like yeah yes, just not in the same place now, but um so, um, austin, how are you getting ready to move?
Speaker 2:I'm excited, though I'm excited.
Speaker 1:But then, like the day I went, I looked at apartments in houston. I was just like, oh so I'm going to be living by myself in a new city. I'm a big girl, big girl life I'm so terrified you guys, but I'm also really excited, like I don't even know what to expect from it don't worry, your feelings are going to hit you soon.
Speaker 2:They'll hit you soon.
Speaker 1:I'm just here, like when you're moving, like you feel yeah, because I feel like so much has just been happening. There's just so much happening. I can't even feel me too.
Speaker 2:I remember when I graduated May 27th. I started my job May 30th. I moved to the city June 1st, like everything was happening back to back to back.
Speaker 1:I don't think I got to breathe, or realize I started working at Google until September oh wow, that's such a long time.
Speaker 2:That's when I got my life because I now moved. You know it was a lot and it might take you a while, but you know but we're still here for you.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I want it.
Speaker 2:I want it to sink in for you and do you have any last words to the city of austin texas, the city that raised you. I'm going to miss austin.
Speaker 1:I actually really like it, austin. I feel like I love it too I love it here too, my essence doesn't want to go back to where she came.
Speaker 2:I've been crying every small minute. I just look outside and I see the house.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't want to go back to new york and I'm like well, we've been begging to come here since, so that's on you, I know, but anyway yeah I love that.
Speaker 2:Bring me back to my first hometown, yes, my true home.
Speaker 1:Bring her back so that I can be driving to us. Yeah, um, yeah, I'm gonna miss austin. I love it here. It's peaceful, it's happy, it's chill and people might disagree, but I like his hair. Come and piece me why would you disagree? I don't know, they're just like austin is not vibes and they want vibes. And houston is vibes, his vibes, the vibes that nigerians are looking for anyway. The food in houston so far has me hooked.
Speaker 2:I'm in love oh, okay, that's good to know. So, houston, shout out to the person that showed me all the food. Shout out to you, buzzy, and then we have. By the way, I've changed your name to dr I mean, I feel like I've always called you, dr p randomly yes, I always saw it coming.
Speaker 2:I don't apologize for saying or muting and saying congratulations. I'm sorry. We always saw it coming, but anyway. Um, yes, I've changed the name of the appear already and, okay, you took this or that. Before we go, I need to see this or that, so I asked you.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, okay, I'm concerned.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's do it again. I don't think your answers will still be the same.
Speaker 1:Let's see let's see lipstick or lip gloss, lip gloss, same okay okay, tea or coffee, coffee always, beard or no beard, okay, same answer homebody or going out, okay, so that's the one that's kind of changed.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of I'm a little bit of both now.
Speaker 1:I like to stay at home, but I also like out, like I feel like the spirit of going out comes upon me sometimes and I'm just like I need to be outside. Like when I want to go and dance like I want to go out and dance. Or I want to go to brunch. Like there are specific things I go out to do, though, I will say that, but like it's a little bit of both, I like to be.
Speaker 2:My plan is to go out, yeah, like one week. I don't do spontaneous unless I love you, yeah me too.
Speaker 1:K-drama, or american drama k-drama when I have time to read the subtitles american for background noise, so love you still?
Speaker 2:k-drama movies are serious, serious, still.
Speaker 1:I think you're still yeah when you're loved love because I have money Movies or series, series, still Money or love Love because I have money now.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait. Your answer is love. What did you say last time? I love love, I love, love girl. But you still chose love when you did not have money. Yeah, and then now I have money.
Speaker 1:So even more reason To choose love, because you know what your money cannot even move me, like my mom would say.
Speaker 2:My mom would say you cannot get married To your money. That's what she used to tell me. Yeah, she would say like I know that you might be, you might be happy, this, this, this, but money cannot love you back that can hit you so much not to say that you should have money, but like love still have money and then love love over money yeah, love over money at this stage of my life same love over money love is good love is sweet, but when money? Ends, love is sweeter.
Speaker 1:Demi, don't know what you're saying. Love is good, love is good, love is good Love is good, love is good.
Speaker 2:Love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good, love is good.
Speaker 1:Love is good, love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good. Love is good, love is good.
Speaker 2:Love is good Love. We're fighting. Watch yourself, watch your next step, okay, but like you guys.
Speaker 1:To not be. In fact, I wish I could report you before.
Speaker 2:The problem is, I don't hold grudges, because I wish I could remember what this girl said.
Speaker 1:I just saw that we're supposed to fight.
Speaker 2:LMAO, we're not going to fight. You can't fight me, baby. Yeah, I'm probably not going to fight her but, Our love is strong Okay okay, okay okay, where can they find you?
Speaker 1:are you back on IG?
Speaker 2:I'm back on Instagram if you're looking for me there, I cannot remember my handle, but search me. I think it's spelled underscore abue, first name, last name. She'll find me, I promise you.
Speaker 1:I'm on Twitter but I don't tweet, I just lurk. You're on X, you're on X, sorry, x, yes, x. Yeah, I lurk like the x files, sorry, don't worry, if you get it, you know, you know, if you get it, perhaps you might be on the same wave of humor, but um, yeah, um and then I'm on linkedin as well. You can find me there. I'll link that.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you so much for coming back on the episode thank you for having me again.
Speaker 1:I owe you a t-shirt of your shirt. Run me what color.
Speaker 2:Pink, red, white, black.
Speaker 1:I think I like the red one. That red one was so nice. I could see red in it too. I could see red in it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Just give me my shirt, I will house. I'm not doing old things. Old things are past the way, oh wow address. We've been a. Ship it there. Okay, yes, thank you so much, pete. Thanks for being my friend. I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you I can't wait for all of us to celebrate this saturday. I'm going to. I've been pumping up my energy I'm so happy.
Speaker 1:I'm like totally you need to fix your attitude because this morning I was just like the energy I needed, because you know when I first came, I was like Wait, I even forgot to hug you.
Speaker 2:I was wicking your mom. I didn't.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not a hugger, so if you don't hug me, I'll do it to you. That's true, I am the hugger, but anyway.
Speaker 2:But yeah, saturday we finna light it like the boys would say, yeah, lfg.
Speaker 1:If you know, you know, If you know you know and for me.
Speaker 2:Please tell them to like share.
Speaker 1:Subscribe follow everything Please like share. Subscribe follow.
Speaker 2:Yes, on the podcast. Yeah, find me the non-registered on Instagram, you know now. Anyway, thank you guys for listening. If you made, thank you so much. I hope this inspires you to take on your PhD journey and I hope you learned more than even if you're not a PhD student, I hope you learned a few stuff. Thank you for all the nuggets of wisdom. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy. I'm so happy as well. Okay, then Signing out, guys. If we can do it, you can do it too. Bye, bye, guys.