**Trigger Warning** This episode contains a discussion on sexual abuse. Although we discuss the power of healing and hope, we understand that merely discussing this topic may be triggering for some listeners.
What if you could transform your deepest pain into a powerful force for healing and change? Join us as we welcome Danielle Shea, a healing coach for sexual abuse survivors, who shares her incredible journey from trauma to becoming a beacon of hope for others. Danielle reveals how she helps survivors reclaim joy and fulfillment through activities that move energy, like dance parties and nature walks, and teaches the importance of turning pain into purposeful action. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the profound impact of trauma and the potential for a life beyond mere survival.
We dive into the hard-hitting realities of sexual abuse and trauma, shedding light on the core issue of power dynamics. Through the tragic story of a soldier forced to work with her attacker, we discuss the systemic failures that allow such situations to persist. Danielle emphasizes the critical role of anger as a catalyst for positive change and healing. She also shares the therapeutic power of creating a kindness rock garden, a tribute to resilience that transforms grief and anger into something beautiful and constructive.
Community support is paramount in the healing process, and Danielle’s personal experiences underscore this truth. She recounts a poignant tale of two strangers whose unexpected kindness had a lasting impact on her recovery. By highlighting the importance of recognizing red flags and the often-overlooked issue of male sexual abuse, we drive home the message that kindness and support can come from the most unexpected places and have profound effects on those in need. Tune in to be inspired by stories of resilience and the transformative power of kindness in overcoming trauma.
Do you dread Mondays? Does the thought of another Monday steal the joy of your weekend? Let me tell you about a product I have found and tried that can do away with the Sunday Scaries. Oddly enough, it’s from a company called Sunday Scaries. I have personally tried their products, gummies and tinctures and I can personally attest to their efficacy. If you go to their website and order any product, use the code Kindness20 to receive a 20% discount on your order.
Do you like good coffee? Are you like me and go to bed in anticipation of a great cup of coffee in the morning (and afternoon, maybe). Then let me introduce you to my newest sponsor, Coffee Bros. They have built their business on the cornerstones of sustainability, quality, consistency, and freshness. From coffee to brewing techniques to coffee and espresso machines, they should be your go-to for all things coffee. And if you
Did you find this episode uplifting, inspiring or motivating? Would you like to support more content like this? Check out our Support The Show Page here.
**Trigger Warning** This episode contains a discussion on sexual abuse. Although we discuss the power of healing and hope, we understand that merely discussing this topic may be triggering for some listeners.
What if you could transform your deepest pain into a powerful force for healing and change? Join us as we welcome Danielle Shea, a healing coach for sexual abuse survivors, who shares her incredible journey from trauma to becoming a beacon of hope for others. Danielle reveals how she helps survivors reclaim joy and fulfillment through activities that move energy, like dance parties and nature walks, and teaches the importance of turning pain into purposeful action. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the profound impact of trauma and the potential for a life beyond mere survival.
We dive into the hard-hitting realities of sexual abuse and trauma, shedding light on the core issue of power dynamics. Through the tragic story of a soldier forced to work with her attacker, we discuss the systemic failures that allow such situations to persist. Danielle emphasizes the critical role of anger as a catalyst for positive change and healing. She also shares the therapeutic power of creating a kindness rock garden, a tribute to resilience that transforms grief and anger into something beautiful and constructive.
Community support is paramount in the healing process, and Danielle’s personal experiences underscore this truth. She recounts a poignant tale of two strangers whose unexpected kindness had a lasting impact on her recovery. By highlighting the importance of recognizing red flags and the often-overlooked issue of male sexual abuse, we drive home the message that kindness and support can come from the most unexpected places and have profound effects on those in need. Tune in to be inspired by stories of resilience and the transformative power of kindness in overcoming trauma.
Do you dread Mondays? Does the thought of another Monday steal the joy of your weekend? Let me tell you about a product I have found and tried that can do away with the Sunday Scaries. Oddly enough, it’s from a company called Sunday Scaries. I have personally tried their products, gummies and tinctures and I can personally attest to their efficacy. If you go to their website and order any product, use the code Kindness20 to receive a 20% discount on your order.
Do you like good coffee? Are you like me and go to bed in anticipation of a great cup of coffee in the morning (and afternoon, maybe). Then let me introduce you to my newest sponsor, Coffee Bros. They have built their business on the cornerstones of sustainability, quality, consistency, and freshness. From coffee to brewing techniques to coffee and espresso machines, they should be your go-to for all things coffee. And if you
Did you find this episode uplifting, inspiring or motivating? Would you like to support more content like this? Check out our Support The Show Page here.
Speaker 1:
This podcast is part of the Deluxe Edition Network. To find other great shows on the network, head over to DeluxeEditionNetworkcom. That's DeluxeEditionNetworkcom.
Speaker 2:
Kindness, we see it all around us. We see it when someone pays for someone else's coffee or holds the door open for another person. We see it in the smallest of gestures, like a smile or a kind word. But it's different when we turn on the news or social media. Oftentimes what we hear about what outlets are pushing is the opposite of kind. Welcome to the Kindness Matters Podcast. Our goal is to give you a place to relax, to revel in stories of people who have received or given kindness, a place to inspire and motivate each and every one of us to practice kindness every day.
Speaker 2:
Hey, hello there and welcome my friend to the Kindness Matters podcast. I am your host, mike Rathbun. As you heard at the beginning of the episode, I am a member. This podcast is a member of the Deluxe Edition Network and I am morally and contractually obligated to tell you that the podcast of the month for the Deluxe Edition Network for the month of July is the Real Drunks. That's R-E-E-L. The Real Drunks is a movie companion podcast. Join Matt, jake and their guests as they watch and discuss their favorite movies along with other random off-the-wall topics. Enjoy, as things usually go off the rails. Also, make sure to check out the show notes, where you will find links and discount codes for two companies that I have partnered with Sunday Scaries, a company that makes broad-spectrum CBD gummies, and Coffee Bros, that make an amazing blend of coffees. I use both of these products and they are nothing short of amazing. Just wanted to give a real quick trigger warning here.
Speaker 2:
This episode contains a discussion on sexual abuse. Although we discuss the power of healing and hope, we understand that merely discussing this topic may be triggering for some listeners. Welcome to the show, everybody. My guest today oh, you guys are going to love this. This is so awesome. My guest well, okay, my guest today is a highly respected speaker. She's a healing coach for sexual abuse survivors and a lived experience expert dedicated to empowering individuals who have experienced sexual trauma. Please welcome to the show, danielle Shea. Thank you for coming, danielle.
Speaker 1:
I'm so happy to be here, Mike. Your energy is so lovely and wonderful. I've really been looking forward to this interview all week.
Speaker 2:
Oh my gosh, Nobody has ever said that to me before, Thank you. I had one person say my board of directors all listens to your podcast one time I was like what?
Speaker 1:
That's fancy. That's a fancy sentence right there.
Speaker 2:
I'm just saying, right, how awesome is that what you do? I don't know that I could do. Yeah, it's such a horrible experience and I'm preaching to the choir. I realize that Because you've been there, you know, but I just I think I would be angry all the time.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think that it's I like that. You said like I couldn't do that, right, I think we say that a lot for many things. I mean I worked a nine to five for a long time in a cubicle, couldn't, couldn't do that I can't do that anymore either.
Speaker 2:
But for completely different reasons.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, exactly, I couldn't be a fire person. There's so many things, and I think that the beauty of the world that we live in right now is there's so much choice on how you can make money and how you can do things Like I'd never heard of a healing coach for sexual abuse survivors. I just made that title up Like I'm sure someone else has it, but I just was like this is what I want to do. Right, this is how I want to help people. But to your point of yeah.
Speaker 1:
I'd be angry all the time. Yeah, I mean, my whole business is surrounded about supporting people to live a joyful and fulfilled life, and so in order to preach that, I have to practice it. So the dance parties I have in my apartment, the walks and the hikes and the nature and the trips that I go on, like I tell people all the time I did not go through hell and back to live a mediocre life.
Speaker 1:
And I have to show people that that is possible after sexual trauma, which just makes my life so fun as well. But it's being that example for my clients and that is the piece that I try to get them to and walk them along of like, yeah, this freaking sucks. This is the most horrible experience maybe that you've ever been through, and life still goes on and more things are going to happen, and so what are we going to do about it? Are we going to sit there with a mindset of like woe is me or are we going to transmute and transform our lives in a way that's going to be meaningful for us?
Speaker 2:
Right. So so these dance parties and these nature walks, that's your version of taking a shower, right, just to get all the filth off and the take it out yeah, yeah, energy work and being able to just like move that through your body.
Speaker 1:
It's real, like the body keeps the score right. That's a huge book that a lot of people are talking about in the trauma space, but your body holds all of that, so you need to be able to shake it and get it out.
Speaker 2:
Right, and you came to this obviously from your own experience.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
At what point did you go? I can help other people.
Speaker 1:
Yes. So I really rejected it for a long time, and so I had told myself that I would not tell the world my story until two individuals in my life were no longer either able to understand or were no longer here. And so it kind of I just didn't want to cause them pain, right, like, oh, this had happened to their little girl, right, and even though it happened when I was 19, it's still. I have a very loving and beautiful family and I'm so grateful and so privileged to have that and I just couldn't put that burden on them. So that became true.
Speaker 1:
But then also, you know, I went through a lot of years of therapy. I went through a lot of my own healing. I'm very, um, I'm a go big or go home kind of person. So when I dive into something, I dive in deep and just all the way. And so like I'm looking at like probably 17 journals just right here on next my desk of self-awareness, work and writing and doing things and like really getting in tune with who I am and what I want to do and cultivating the life that I want to have. And so with all of that, I ended up taking a speaking course about just how to be a speaker and I didn't know what I wanted to talk about. I just knew that I liked being on stage, I liked, you know, having these conversations with people, and it's such a beautiful way to be able to kind of have that space. So in that course, I just kind of got this download that said it's time to tell your story and I rejected it. I was like hell, no we are not pushing away.
Speaker 1:
Exactly. And there's this thing in entrepreneurship that people say, like if your dreams aren't big enough, if your dreams don't scare you, then they're not big enough. And it was kind of after thinking about that and going like, okay, what is scary about this? And then I started getting lots of certificates and started diving into how can I really help people. But all of my programs and all of the content that I create is based off of my own lived experience, because I know that it works. And then it's based off of conversations that I've had with people and people that I've helped as well not professionally and then transforming that into something that can actually support people worldwide. So it's a nice big, convoluted way to get here.
Speaker 2:
Well, yeah, no, that's Do you learn things from your sessions with other survivors that you maybe didn't know? Or you're like, oh, I never thought of it that way.
Speaker 1:
Definitely, and I think the biggest, my favorite thing about being a coach is Because I'm nota therapist. I'm not a trained therapist. I have certificates and other things that are trauma informed to be able to support people in this way. But I take it from a life coaching perspective and I think that that's super important because as a coach, your if you're a good coach your goal is to have your client never, ever see you again Like I don't want to have to work with you. I want you to be able to find your own path to healing, whatever that looks like. And if you need me for accountability, if you need me for creative ideas, if you need me for a sounding board or someone to be able to unpackage your story, then I am the safe space to be able to do that. And also my job as a coach is to empower you to find your own solutions.
Speaker 2:
And so.
Speaker 1:
I learn things from my clients all the time the way that they articulate things or just their different life experiences. Right. Like I have one particular story and my clients again. They come from all over the world. So even the way that they're raised, the ways that they think about things, it's all different and that's one of my favorite things about just talking to people in general is understanding their brain and how they work and how they experience life.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, that's okay. So let's talk about some of the things out there that are said about sexual assault that maybe we could help clear up. For example, um, I think there's a common misconception that sexual assault only happens only happens. It's only strangers that commit sexual assault is that true?
Speaker 1:
no, definitely not, definitely not. I talk a lot about these misconceptions or these myths regarding sexual abuse and the reason that this and all of these myths are so insidious and they just keep victims. You know, victim shaming and victim blaming, not only from other people, but from themselves as well. So this one in particular is not true. So my personal experience, my first sexual assault, my first, one happened when I was at a party.
Speaker 1:
Someone drugged me and I didn't know that person. So I'm on the spectrum of okay, the person who I first had an unpleasant sexual encounter with was a stranger. Other people who did things maybe not to the extreme that that particular person did I did know, I did have a relationship with, and so my story is multifaceted. There's multiple things, but with other people. Sometimes it's the person that they've married, sometimes it's their parent, sometimes it's their grandparent, sometimes it's a sibling, sometimes it's a sibling's friend. And so this is not a trauma that happens with a specific person in a specific demographic, by a specific person or specific demographic. And just like all of my clients are unique, all of their stories and how they've been affected by this is unique as well.
Speaker 1:
And so really, what sexual abuse is about in this trauma is a power dynamic. It is not about desire, it is not about intimacy. Yeah, exactly, it's about power and manipulation. And so when you have someone who's in a person of power and they're taking advantage of someone in this way, it doesn't matter where that power is. Sometimes power is if you're the man of the house or the woman of the house. Sometimes it's a boss, sometimes it's a coworker, you know, and I think when we think about it that way, we're able to understand that again, it's not a specific person or demographic that's committing this or that. It's that is being done to. It's about where does that power lie and how is that affecting this?
Speaker 2:
Right, yeah, yeah, wow, see, I'm already angry, it's just like it is, and here's the thing.
Speaker 1:
I want to just address that. So I think a lot of people we look at anger as a bad emotion. Yeah, anger is a beautiful thing, Anger is an action. Emotion and all emotions they can get out of hand, right Like if you're sadness or you're crying all the time, maybe we need to look at that.
Speaker 1:
If you're angry all the time, maybe we need to look at that. But every single emotion that we have has a place and a purpose in our bodies. That's why we have them, and anger is an emotion of action. So if you're pissed about something, go do something about it, and that is one of the things that you can take action on. Now here's the thing when people say, oh, go do something about it, I don't mean go punch a wall. But if you feel like punching something, guess what I do martial arts. I punch things because I cause, yeah, I get pissed, but I'm going to do that in a way that's healthy for me to be able to express those emotions.
Speaker 1:
Or I'm going to go, or I'm going to go join a protest or I'm going to do, or I'm going to have a conversation with somebody, and maybe it's not going to change the world, but it might change that person's perspective, and then it's all a ripple effect, right? So I'm really happy that you said that. Yes, be angry, be pissed off, and then what can you do about it?
Speaker 2:
Right, yeah, I, I. And one story sticks with me Um, and I interviewed these two ladies a while back and one of them had a daughter who was in the Army and she was assaulted at her duty station by somebody she worked with and she requested transfer obviously right. And the Army said okay, but it's going to take 30 days to do it. And she had to work with the guy her attacker for 30 days, her attacker for 30 days. The transfer came through and she came home on leave before she moved on to her next duty station. She ended up committing suicide at home and just thinking about that I can feel my blood pressure, because that didn't need to happen.
Speaker 2:
And you know what, maybe, maybe the 30 days, maybe if it, if she had been taken out of that position sooner, like the next day, none of that would have happened. And then her mom's best friend created this rock garden, this kindness rock garden, to honor her and it's such a healing place. And so, yes, horrible things happen and I mean it's not going to bring her back, but I'm sure they took their grief, their anger and put it into that rock garden. They did what you said.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and the story that you just said is so repetitive, you know, repetitive. Yeah, because it happens all the time everywhere. I have heard that version of that story so many and like, just as we talked about how anger is an important, emotion like this, this devastation, is important.
Speaker 1:
this ability to grieve and go like what the actual F fuck, I'm sorry, I said it good, okay, I'm glad we're clearing the air here, because I, yeah, okay, you know, and so hearing those stories, it's like it asks you questions like, well, what are we even going to do? Like, how, how do you move forward, how do you grieve, how do you how? Do you do anything to move on, and those are all very human questions and those are the questions that we should be asking.
Speaker 2:
Hey guys, we will be right back to more of my interview with Danielle Shea after this quick message from another Deluxe Edition Network podcast.
Speaker 1:
Hey, this is Casey Shearer and this is Ray. Do you like pop culture?
Speaker 2:
We're pretty sure you do. Then come on over and check us out at deluxeditionshow. Do you like pop culture? We're pretty sure you do.
Speaker 1:
Then come on over and check us out at deluxeeditionshow. You will not be sorry, or maybe you will be.
Speaker 2:
I don't know.
Speaker 1:
Because it gets our attention to go oh shit, this happened in my family.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Where else is it happening? And, yeah, that it's unfortunate that that is not a unique story. And if this is your first time listening to that story, like, please take a moment to understand the gravity of that situation that, yeah, something could have been done about it. Something could have been done potentially to prevent that too, right, and so there's lots of yeah, because these, so these attacks do they just come out of nowhere right or are there warning signs, are there red flags that we should be able to see beforehand?
Speaker 1:
I think yes and no, right, right. So, like the person that I that had assaulted me, I didn't know them, so I didn't know they were red flags, right, right, and sometimes, especially after trauma, a lot of red flags. They look like green flags.
Speaker 2:
Oh shit.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you're like, oh, that's attractive, I didn't, I didn't know. Meanwhile, it's actually your body trying to repeat the trauma so you can have a different outcome. It's your brain trying to go okay, what would I do differently in this situation?
Speaker 1:
And that is so true, especially for me and my story is, you know, with the different experiences that I had, I was choosing to put myself into horrible situations, because horrible situations felt familiar, horrible situations were the things that. And then my brain would put myself in a situation and I would go oh, this is how I would do this differently and I would replay that trauma in a different way. And so our bodies and our brains are very interesting things, um, and our patterns are so, so fascinating, and so that's why I think it's important to be talking about these stories and these emotions. You can go oh, other people feel like this and can, and how have they dealt with it? So how might I be able to deal with it differently and maybe in a healthier way as well?
Speaker 2:
Right so okay. Let's talk happy stuff 's not I?
Speaker 1:
mean you.
Speaker 2:
You've had the okay.
Speaker 1:
So in addition to your public speaking and your coaching work, you also have a podcast I do, yeah, look at you it's called the danielle shea podcast and, just like all I do with all my programs, it's about showing people how to live a joyful and fulfilled life by developing unwavering confidence, building a healthy support system and just re-dreaming and understanding that there is life after trauma. So I love the show. I have some solo episodes, but then I also interview just incredible people and it's set up in a way where there's a main topic episode at the beginning of the week and then throughout the week there's two more episodes. One is a meditation, because I'm a meditation and mindfulness practitioner, and one is journaling prompts, and the reason it's set up that way is so people take action on the things that they've learned. Because you can learn all the things but if you're not actually taking action on your own healing, then you're just going to stay stuck. So those two episodes are designed so people can develop self-awareness, get in tune with their body and reconnect with themselves.
Speaker 2:
That's very what's the word I'm looking for, Because I struggle to do one a week. I'm just saying I can't imagine producing three episodes a week. That's cool.
Speaker 1:
It's helpful when you have a team as well. I'm definitely not. I'm not doing all of this by myself.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, okay, fair, that's right, because one of your assistants reached out to me. Yes, yeah. So we've spoken before, obviously, and we know I am supposed to ask you about the whales story and for our listeners that's w-a-l-e not the seaborne mammal.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so when Mike and I were talking in the pre-interview before this, we're talking a lot about kindness and just the importance and staying on theme for the show, and I know that this is a difficult and heavy topic, especially because this is the taboo of the taboo, right? No one wants to talk about it, right? Which is why I talk about it all the time. But right, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Because you're doing good kind work here.
Speaker 1:
Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate it Necessary work. Yeah, and so Mike had told me a story during that pre-interview and it reminded me of these two individuals and just the amount of kindness that they had shown me, and I just thought it would be pertinent to tell this story because just trauma.
Speaker 1:
Yes, there's shitty things that happen in life and also, when we focus on that, then we lose the beauty of life, then we lose the hope. And then what's the point? And there's so many people who helped me along my healing journey. I was so privileged to have a community around me who believed me, who showed me how to get support and who were going to very tough love, drag me to support if I didn't get it myself Right, support if I didn't get it myself Right. And then there was people I just met along the way. So, summer 2014, I study abroad. My assault happened at the end of 2013. Oh, my gosh. Beginning of 2013. Okay, I was a freshman in college. And then, summer of 2014, I got the opportunity to study abroad. I went to England and it was absolutely amazing, and I was there for the summer. I made a lot of really bad decisions that summer. I didn't care what happened to me, truly and utterly. It was like well, someone's already destroyed my body. Why do I care?
Speaker 2:
if no one else does. I was going to say was this trauma-based? Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but also-. But, is trauma-based. Yeah, okay, yeah, but also with the lack of inhibition.
Speaker 2:
I met some really great people too, so.
Speaker 1:
I met these two guys We'll call them person A and person B for the story. I met A and B and we were all exchange students at the school and I was like I'm going to go to Wales this weekend, I'm going to go to Wales this weekend and I was going to go to Wales by myself, so I'm just going to take the train. I was going to take a bus from Brighton, take a train from London and head over to Wales. And they were like we want to come, that sounds awesome. I send them all the information. I'm like great, I don't have a place to stay. I'm literally just going to turn back around, like I'm going to go for the day and come back.
Speaker 2:
Whales off the checklist.
Speaker 1:
Whales off the checklist. So we make these plans and three days later the three of us are on a train to go to Wales. So we're talking, we're getting to know each other, all these things, blah, blah, blah. We did we like rented a kayak and we kayaked in the day, and then we went to the highest point in Wales. We took the kind of trolley that goes up the mountain and then we wanted to hike down and it started pouring, raining, and so we are just sprinting down this mountain.
Speaker 1:
We end up at this pub. No one is around. There's not a taxi in sight. So we just like kind of got down to as much decency as we could, to like dry our clothes by the hearth and like the Welsh people were like giving us beer and they're like you stupid Americans. And then we're like we need a taxi, Like we need to get back to the train station. So we ended up going. We ended up finding someone they called someone for us and then we like went to the grocery store and we got food and one of the guys was like let's go clubbing. And I'm in just hiking gear because I didn't expect to go clubbing, so he lends me his shirt.
Speaker 1:
The other guy also is not like ready. So we're just like we all like just changed and it was crazy. So we end up at this club and we meet these not so great people and we get invited over to their house and we're just like yeah, no yeah, no and then it was just but then this.
Speaker 1:
Then this is where I started to realize that I was actually with like really good people. So I was having a conversation with these people. So I'm like right here and then one of the guys kind of takes a step forward in front of me because he heard something that made me take a step back the other guy behind me. So person A takes a step forward, person B also takes a step forward, and now all of a sudden I realize I have a blockade in front of me and I'm like, oh, I have never had people actually like who are friends or people that come to my defense. Usually I'm the one who has to handle it and usually I'm the one stepping forward and putting things down.
Speaker 1:
So that was. I was like, okay, great, so we get in, we get away from those people, we're dancing, we're having a good time, and then we roll up to the bar and we have a drink. So I'm just standing there, they're ordering. I'm just standing there and this guy approaches me. Hey, beautiful, how you doing Blah, blah, blah, starts talking to me.
Speaker 2:
Immediately I'm triggered.
Speaker 1:
Immediately, I'm triggered, immediately, I'm like, oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself into here?
Speaker 2:
you go, you're in a bar.
Speaker 1:
I'm at a bar in a foreign country in not appropriate clothing for this club, just in hiking gear, just looking like a freaking crazy person. Freaking crazy person, without missing a beat. Person B puts his arm over me, continues talking to the bartender, looks at me hey, babe, what do you want to drink? And I looked at him like uh. He's like, okay, I'll get you your regular Orders, a drink for me. The guy, the Welsh guy, is like oh, mate, like you're so lucky, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's like yeah, I know, ha ha, they fist bump, whatever. The guy walks away. The second the guy walks away, person B drops their hand, takes a full step away from me.
Speaker 2:
Oh.
Speaker 1:
And I was like thank you. He's like, yeah, of course I'm not gonna let like a sleep as if that was the only option, the only thing he could do and I just looked at him with so much like odd admiration, because this person wanted absolutely nothing from me right they heard that someone was being inappropriate with me, they didn't even allow me to like try to fumble out of it, right, they just immediately hand on my shoulder so smooth.
Speaker 1:
And then again we started dancing and we came back to the dance floor and then again they were just like blockading me and everything, and we decided to leave. We ended up missing the train, so we slept in a train station and, to make me feel safe, I was the outside person, they made sure that I wasn't in the middle, in between them or anything like that, and just like it was all of their actions and their kindness during that day of them being so self-aware of how other men might treat me, them being so self-aware of how our dynamic was, even though I just met these people.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
The fact that there are these two men again. I didn't know. They didn't want anything from me, they were just here to be friends. We were just here to have a good time and every single thing they did that day, even up to those points, was just like out of so much love and genuine, just humanness. And I looked at those boys and I was like these are real men and not all men Right and I know I'm going to piss people off when I say not all men.
Speaker 1:
Right, we all know it's not all men. We all know that it's also not all women. It's also not all women, it's also not all whoever.
Speaker 2:
Right, right.
Speaker 1:
But when you're in that state of trauma and I was like every single man that I meet is dangerous. Yeah, and even though I'm choosing to put myself in dangerous situations, it doesn't mean that I want things to happen to me.
Speaker 1:
Right mean that I want things to happen to me and I hear two guys who just were like you're part of us. So, years go by, I'm still in therapy, I'm doing things right. I don't talk to them. So it was last year that I reached out to them and I was like I want to let you guys know that all of the kindness that you showed me, it saved my life, because, just like the woman who committed suicide yeah, I thought about that often, frequently, and the fact that I saw people who were able to show that kind of kindness, it saved my life, and they had no idea. It was seven years later that I messaged them. One of them's married with a kid. Like seven years, like our whole lives. Right, we have been. We are different people than the people that we knew back in college.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
And they were like wow, we had no idea, like that you were feeling this way and no idea that we had even like, made an impact on your life. I think about those boys all the time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and it just goes to show you that I mean, and you could have been, I mean you could have shut down, you could have. And these guys showed you that there are good people in the world and people that will help you without asking for anything in return. Yeah, because they're decent human beings and I think sometimes we forget that there are decent human beings in the world. We hear stories like yours and we think, well, and yeah, I'll be the first to admit it, nine times out of 10, if I hear somebody was abused, it was a guy Not even knowing the whole story, and that's another myth, too.
Speaker 1:
right Is that it only happens to women and it's only committed by men, and that's not true, that's not true at all, and the statistics around everything related to sexual abuse is skewed for many, many reasons, but 100% of my clients last year were male. Oh Wow, it happens to men all the time, and that's even more of the taboo of the taboo of the taboo.
Speaker 2:
Right, yeah, yeah. A guy will never, ever admit to that or talk about it.
Speaker 1:
Probably. I'm often the first person that people have ever ever told their story to. Wow, it's been decades, yeah, wow, it's been decades, yeah, yeah. And that's one thing that I love about the things that I do as well is because, simply the fact that I exist and my platform is here, even if someone never becomes a client, like that feels like kindness to just be able to have an open forum of DMs and people just be able to DM me like, oh my gosh, you know, thank you for this quote, or thank you for this, and then, like, can I tell you my story?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, one of the purest forms of kindness is just listening.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Because a lot of people don't get that. So what are you in? A 60s coffee? I can't. You know I can't snap anymore. You are an old soul. Danielle, you know what. As hard as it is to about and and to think about the work that you do, it's so great to know that a kind person like you is out there. And kudos to the gentleman in wales. My hats off to you. Blokes, mate, I don't think we're close enough to be mates. Anyway, hats off to them because you show the world how it's supposed to be done.
Speaker 1:
Yeah. And there's so many other people that's just a very small snippet. There's so many other people I can think of who, simply by just being their most authentic selves, by being them, I was like, oh okay, good people exist, good people are real, like they're out there doing things, they're out there existing, and that enough sometimes was, or that alone was enough sometimes to be able to kind of like drag me forward on being able to continue to heal.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, because I just I marvel at the fact that you chose to study abroad and went to a bar again, Because that's what I mean.
Speaker 1:
I mean, really, had that been me, I don't think I'd probably be lucky to get out of my house yeah and oh my gosh, definitely were those days right and sure, going back and forth between manic and depressive and all of those things? Yeah, and and I think that's important to notice too is like everyone's healing is different and so the way that you're healing it's not wrong. Just please look at your coping mechanisms and understand, like, is this actually helping you or is this a band-aid?
Speaker 2:
Right, I don't drink anymore.
Speaker 1:
I don't drink caffeine, I don't smoke, but I used to do all kinds of things.
Speaker 2:
No, I'm sure I mean. You know, you were young, we all did a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:
We've all done all kinds of things? And also, why are you doing them? What's the reasoning? What is it numbing? What are you running from? What are you hiding?
Speaker 2:
This is the work that you do.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Wow, you've restored my faith in humanity just by being here for 30 minutes. Thank you thank you. I appreciate you, danielle. It's daniellesheablog. I'll have all of your links in the show notes. Follow her on Insta. And thanks for showing us that there are still good people out in the world. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:
I appreciate you as well and, just again, your energy and the conversations that we've had have been so joyful and just also allowing there to be space for this. It's a difficult topic, so thank you for trusting me with your audience and with your platform. I really appreciate that and for your kindness and all the work that you do as well.
Speaker 2:
Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. You take care. We'll talk again soon.
Speaker 1:
Sounds good.
Speaker 2:
Well, that was a lot, wasn't it? I am sorry if you missed the trigger warning at the beginning of the episode. I apologize, and you were not ready to hear that message. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but assault, especially a sexual assault, is something that needs to be discussed, needs to be talked about how admirably I think Danielle Shea holds this space for other survivors and she does a job that is so necessary. But I don't think that and we talked about it earlier in the episode I don't think I could do that, but my heart's out my hat's off. I give so many kudos to Danielle for the work that she does. If you are a survivor of assault and you heard this episode and it helps you to take action to resolve that in yourself or to help others, then I hope this episode is that catalyst for that. As raw and as painful as it was to talk about this, if you were able to take out something good from it, something healing from it, then I guess I'm not ashamed that this episode is out there. All of Danielle's information will be in the show notes, so if you need to reach out or want to reach out, you'll be able to do that in the show notes.
Speaker 2:
Thank you for listening to this episode. For those of you that listened, I appreciate you and I appreciate your continued listening to, listening to of this episode. You know what I meant, and that will do it for this episode of the Kindness Matters podcast. We will be back again next week with a brand new episode, but in the meantime, okay, for those of you who are listening to these podcasts over and over again, say it with me Be that person who roots for others, who tells a stranger they look amazing and encourages others to believe in themselves and their dreams. You know you can find us on all the social platforms. Please follow us. Please share this episode if you think there's somebody in your life that needs to hear it. You have been listening to the Kindness Matters podcast. I'm your host, mike Rathbun. Have a fantastic week.