9 - Anti Gamers

At first, we thought this episode would be a rant against people who do not respect the passion of gaming. But it turned out to be a cry from the hearth to all of you that are unjustifiably affected by those people. Listen to our personal insights about how it could be possible for you and your close ones to overcome this issue.

@GettingGamers (Twitter and Facebook)

@Juke_ish (Instagram, Twitch, Twitter)

Perf: twitch.tv/perfectedl

gettinggamers.com

Art by Arielle:  

twitter @ProphetPossum

instagram @ProphetOPossum

Transcript

Juke  0:08  
Hello, humans and welcome to getting your Guide to Understanding the gamers in your life. I'm your host, Juke, my pronouns are they them, 

Perf  0:18  
and I am Perf, my pronouns he him, and today we're going to talk about a little rant on anti-gamers, but before we go, let's turn the tables around. juke. What have you been playing lately?

Juke  0:34  
I've been playing data 2 be 

Perf  0:38  
Damn! isn't it my favorite game!

Juke  0:41  
So for the listeners out there, the day that we're recording today is the day after Valentine's Day. And my Valentine's Day surprise to Perf was to secretly learn Dota two behind his back, with the help of his friends. Because it's one of his favorite games. And on Fridays, one of the 12 I surprised him and we played with his friends and we basically spent the whole Valentine's Day weekend playing Dot. It was fun! 

Perf  1:13  
it was very cute too, I wasn't expecting this.I totally didn't cry when i learn what you've been doing in my back.

Juke  1:25  
It was a really cute moment. I think I've really, I've rarely had such a such a warm, heartwarming moment around the gift.

Perf  1:35  
Just before we go into deeper into the subject. How did you live your fast paced learning of the game? How did it happen on your side of things?

Juke  1:48  
I think for me, it was really intense because I knew that the game was complicated before going into it. And then when I told the guys that I wanted to learn dota to surprise you. They were all like, oh, and they were all like, they all found it really cool. But they kept telling me like, you know, juke, like, it's a hard game. It's a really hard game. And so when I sat down and I realized how hard it was, other than people just telling me I kind of panicked, you know, and that's what I was kind of I was actually talking about that with zik today that he texted me because I've been posting things about the time and I made a meme about that. So Zik texted me and he's like, Are you okay, just checking. Did he capture your soul? Did he steal your soul or something? Then I said yes, about two years ago. 

Perf  2:41  
i'm melting right now, you guys can't see you, but I'm melting. 

Juke  2:44  
Zik was like I was expecting exactly that answer. But then we were talking and I was telling him like, yo, like, when I sat down and I realized how hard this was gonna be. I realized, like, I have no choice. Like, I'm not gonna put all this effort for nothing. So like, I decided, like, if I'm going to learn, I'm going to learn so that I can try to continue playing. And so it kind of made it easier to learn because then like I was like, everything I learned I just submitted it in my brain as the new thing to do. So as soon as you showed me the hotkeys for the courier, which was a big problem I had then I just took it right away. And like one of the heroes I was doing, you were like, oh, you're getting good at doing this, this one thing while running away, and I was like, Yeah, well, I'm just like submitting it in my brain as fact. And trying to just replicate the behavior. Yeah, and since I'm like, I think in a sense, because I've never played a MOBA before it kind of helps me but because people who've played other MOBAs they're having assumptions from other MOBAs but I have no experience so everything I know about MOBAs apart from this few things I had I knew from Heroes of the Storm, everything I know about MOBAs comes from Dota two and so like I can just submit this like brand new information I don't have to change information that already exists you know like some guys are gonna have to change like okay damage works like this instead of like that and now they have to change me I don't mean don't it's

Perf  4:14  
yeah since you have absolutely no clue of what's really happening here. unlike the other guys that are just changing from one mobile to another. There's many concepts that stays the same what you just have to adapt to the particularities of this of Dota two

Juke  4:33  
that's it like I'm writing on a blank page versus they're rewriting exactly so but it's still hard like it's still really hard but I'm I'm pleasantly surprised at how...

Perf  4:45  
 fast you've been learning?

Juke  4:46  
Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of proud you know, I like I learned fast and I can I can play like a play with the bots like with the robots but against the computer basically for

Perf  4:56  
Yeah, but with your own efforts that you put into the game and the coaching, you have had for only one week you, you went from the easiest bots to the almost the hardest one you can play against. So, good job my love, great improvement.

Juke  5:14  
Thanks. What I think really helped is that when I was doing that annoying, hard part of the beginning of knowing nothing and trying to learn the dota, and having to learn like all the little items and components. I kept being like, this is really hard when there's no one there to teach you, you know, no one there to like directly answer your questions on the spot. And like, I can't just when I'm texting the guys for questions, I can just point on my screen, you know, and be like, What's this, like, I have to find a way to explain my question for them to understand it because they're not right next to me. And then, so I had like, a week, but really three full days, because there was only three days that you weren't home for me to learn this, to learn those little annoying things. And then as soon as I get to the part where the game can start becoming interesting, because I'm starting to understand how it works, I told you the surprise and we started playing together and then like so you show up in my life, we're actually get the actual help that one really does need in my situation to try to learn a video game having you be able to help me now, at this point where the game actually starts becoming interesting. And I actually know what I'm doing. It's helping that wave of like, continuing and wanting to get in you because I don't have to do the rest on my own. You know,

Perf  6:32  
yeah, the coaching part that's actually very helpful specifically at this point of your learning curve,

Juke  6:40  
yeah, cuz If i had been left on my own, let's say that like, like, let's say you weren't in the picture. And I learned I had three days to learn this game for like, XYZ reason, I don't know, like an exam or whatever. And then Friday was would have been the big exam. Then after that. I don't think it would have continued if I had to just continue on my own. Yeah, I think it's been an amazing journey and a fun journey. And I think your friends are really surprised

Perf  7:05  
they are. But of course you are. You're in for a very bumpy ride with those who I will be there at every bumps.

Juke  7:12  
I appreciate it. I think it's it was a great journey because Divi helped me which listeners have met on this podcast many times and will see many times again, but then other friends of perf's that I wasn't so close to I really at all that now I feel like we have this little like connection of like, they helped me learn Dota and I learned a game that they really love and, and it's fun. It's a nice experience,

Perf  7:38  
 social experience with gaming.

Juke  7:40  
Yeah. And I think also because we have so many gamer friends who have dated anti gamers who have or who have parents who are anti gamers, or anti gaming. It's kind of nice to be able to show people that like there's there's another option out there like you don't have to only date people who are against gaming, that you can find partners that are like going to want to know about your world. And even if they're not gamers, they can still care and be interested and be nice about it, you know?

Perf  8:10  
Yeah, true. And I was about to tell you, if you yourself are an anti gamer, this episode might not be for you. But actually, it might be very helpful for you to gain perspective about the gaming habits or hobby from your partners.

Juke  8:28  
Yeah, well, to give context a little bit like we're in COVID times right now. Perf and I currently live in Montreal, we have curfew, we were not allowed to see people, the quarantine here is still very intense. And that means that we don't really have people that we can interview and we really struggle with the distance zoom video call interviews, like it's, we're beginner podcasters it's already hard enough to interview someone, and then to have it with lag. It's just so intense. So we were racking our brains because we really want to dish out episodes every two weeks for you guys, that's that's what we're here for. And we want to continue building this community. But we didn't have an interview. And this is a topic that's just been on our mind, and we kind of needed to vent. So I think there's gonna just be a new segment on our show where once in a while, we're going to need to vent and it's going to be some episodes are just going to be more that casual laid back style where we kind of allow ourselves to get a little heated about certain topics once in a while, which is why Perf just said that if you're an anti gamer, this episode might not be for you just because it might be triggering for you. But then again, if you're an anti gamer and you've clicked on this episode, or someone  has sent you this episode, maybe the things we are gonna say are things you need to hear and we're really we're not here to bash on people and to insult people and to just like, make people feel bad. We're just here to talk about our feelings about something that I feel like a lot of gamers face I'll often on a daily basis, you know, like, I'm not saying that all gamers are surrounded by anti gamers and that everyone's anti gamers, I'm saying most people are gamers. But there's this generation, like, often the older generation will be anti gamer, or just people, even from our generation who just didn't get to know much about this side of the world and who've lived circumstances of life that led them to be anti gamer.

Perf  10:30  
And for the anti gamers that would receive this episode as some information or perspective, this only, it's not meant to trigger you, I think it would mean that this particular gamer cares about you. And he wants you to learn about some part of his life that you might have been denying or not respect in certain ways. So I would encourage you to be extra careful while listening to this episode.

Juke  11:00  
Yeah, and I wouldn't. And I would go as far as to say like, if if a gamer in your life has sent you this episode of last year to listen to it, this is their attempt at opening a line of communication with you, they might be afraid of opening this line of communication with you because they're afraid of how you might react. There may be many reasons why you received this episode. But it is most likely to attempt to open a line of communication with you and to try to mend a certain part of your relationship that where there is tension, we want to help with that. Because I think we preach time and time again, like the number one relationship advice that anybody should be receiving is communication, communication, communication,

Perf  11:42  
I do believe that there's a lot of gamer gamers out there that actually struggle with communication, in general. So that just reinforces the idea that if he's sending you anything that comes from us, that's mean, he's caring about your, your way of seeing him.

Juke  12:02  
Yeah, like, if it's hard to talk about something you're passionate about when someone in your life sees it as a hobby and something that they're against, you know, like sometimes a hobby can still be this huge part of your life. And sometimes it means more than just a hobby, sometimes it's a passion and you'll be really surprised how passionate some gamers are. And if you take the time to really listen to them, and listen to like them talking about like, whatever games are obsessed with or anything really you'll see that it goes really deep like when we were talking about getting immersed in a game, and the soundtrack and the visuals and all the little aspects and then and then he just started going so deep into the game and what it felt like to be fighting longer friends for your life and and and at some point like you get you get lost in what he's saying because he's so passionate and you forget that you're talking about a game and you're not in he's not talking about like a war he actually went through something like 

Perf  13:11  
are you sure that wasn't me?

Juke  13:13  
it could have been, But the point is like this there's a passion there and it's hard when you're passionate about something that someone else is against you know,

Perf  13:24  
that's true and we have some friends some close friends that we're not going to name of course that have been living  this kind of conflict between their favorite hobby which is gaming in their partners being not respectful of this in some ways that they've been distracting them or just denying them all the time that they would normally use to play video games. Just because there was in need of attention I guess or couldn't live with the fact that they the idea that their partner were gamers and it's triggering for me really because it's sort of stealing your friend  and I'm not the one to be needy I don't think Im a  needy boy but yeah this whole situation just actually saddens me

Juke  14:22  
well especially because you've seen like you have friends who are currently in that situation but you've also have friends who have been in that situation so it's like this thing where you're like from my experience of what I watch you go through in these roller coasters of your friends dating these anti gamer partners. Is that like you're finally get your friend back because that one relationship crashed let's say and then you guys are finally like a group again and then another friend dates someone and then that person ends up being an anti gamer and and you're back in this whole circle of every like gamer has had a friend that's dated an anti gamer and and yet might end up dating an anti gamer. Again, like themselves, you know, even though they saw their friend go through it, like they're gonna somehow just fall in love anyways, and then find out the person was against gaming and it's like this whole thing over and over again.

Perf  15:20  
Yeah, sometimes there's I guess sex is involved in the situation where you might think more with your penis and with your actual brain but yeah, I don't remember where I was going with that, but I had to plug it 

Juke  15:38  
blame the penises. 

Perf  15:39  
Yes, you can blame all the penises.

Unknown Speaker  15:42  
But I mean, like, there's all these reasons that people stay in relationships, even though there's these tensions, right? And their relationship can be like beautiful, except for this one aspect, like I remember an older couple where pornography was forbidden in their household. And for us younger generations, it's like what? No, you can't like tell your partner that they're not allowed to watch porn. That's just not... but you know, some people are fully against that. And the same way like I have a lot of friends who are polyamorous. And there's this circle of like, falling in love with someone who's monogamous, and then having to figure out okay, well, we can't be together. Because I'm polyamorous and you're monogamous, and I don't want to change and you don't want to change, you know? And then I mean, some people do function. I don't want to say that, that doesn't work. I know that there's a whole community of that. And that that can work to what I'm saying is like, there's reasons even though you're like, No, I'm in this group. And I'm only going to date people in this group, but then you end up falling in love with people who it's not gonna work, or you are like, all the signs show that it's not gonna work. But you have to try anyways. You know, we've all been in those kind of relationships where like, everyone in your lives telling you like naaahhh, this is not gonna ...  just no... And you still do it? Because you're like, No, no, no, no, no, we're happy. this is great.

Perf  17:11  
Like, trying to deny all the red flags at they see in th person.

Juke  17:16  
But the thing is, that I feel like a lot of you guys grew up with anti gamer parents, or like Parents that had a lot of stigma around gaming. And so once you start dating, if the girl you're dating is an anti gamer, or like, fully against gaming, or like, full of full of stigma against gaming, like you've been trained your entire life, to understand that you can still be loved by an anti gamer. If your parents weren't anti gamer, or you'd space that stigma all the time.

Perf  17:57  
Yeah, but you you would have been in the need of hiding your, your passion,

Juke  18:05  
but you're used to it, that's what I'm saying is that like, a lot of people are used to having to hide their gaming passion and have it and getting like, yelled at by their mom for gaming too much or being judged by their parents for gaming too much. So by the time they're dating, if the girls against it, it's like, so normal to them that it's not like a criteria as for like, some of our other friends are like, No, no, if I if I date a girl, she has to be a geek, because it's not gonna work. If she's not, this is my entire world issue. If she doesn't understand that, then she doesn't understand me. Other friends that have lived in maybe less accepting households, or like, now whatever, because everyone who's ever loved me has I've always been against gaming. So like, why should that be a criteria that she's she'd been cool gaming, like, you know,

Perf  18:56  
and just to make sure all you guys are in line with us, we're not even talking about addiction or, or gamers that actually can't do anything else, but gaming. Because in that case, I get that it would be creating real tension and legitimate tensions in any couple or a relationship you would have with your partners. Yeah, but we're just talking about a passion or hobbies here

Juke  19:23  
because again, like, like we say, in most of our episodes, where we talk about this stuff, addiction, like it can be anything right like gambling addiction can get in the way of your relationships, cigarette addiction could get in the way of your relationships. I had an ex boyfriend back when I was like really much more of a smoker that like he would be mad when he would smell cigarette on me or see me smoke a cigarette and it would ruin his day. That created so much tension in our relationship. You know, and and it's completely reasonable for him to be upset about cigarette smoking and not want his girlfriend to be smoking sex. But it was an addiction I was struggling with. And the response to that was not working we both it just created so much tension, you know, so any addiction can create tension. And like we really have to learn to dissociate gaming addiction to just gamers.

Perf  20:16  
thats right! I'm still bringing this fact back every time just for anti-gamers for that exact reason where you just said it, you got to dissociate gaming action from gaming as a hobby.

Juke  20:28  
And for the recurring listeners, who might be annoyed at hearing us say this all the time. Like, we have to, we have to because we really need to remind people to dissociate these two things like we're gonna repeat it in many other episodes. Because it's such a huge, important part of our mission here at Getting Gamers in helping you understand gamers. And we talk a lot like the last few episodes on this podcast, are actually like, probably half of the episodes that are out if not more, are in some way about relationships and gaming, pausing the game episode has a lot to do with your relationship with the other people in your household that don't understand gaming as well. And the last episode was about how we handle gaming in our relationship. We talked about friendships we talked about so much.

Perf  21:23  
There's actually a good stuff. If you're struggling with your partner, in the episode, pausing the game where we explain and try to work around code or ways you can establish with your partner to be respectful of both. On both sides, actually,

Juke  21:44  
yeah, we actually talked about like our door method that we use in both last episode, how we handle relationship and our relationship in gaming, and the pausing the game episode, which is a great conversation starter. If you want to open a line of communication about gaming with your gamer, talk to them about our door method or send them that episode. But what I was saying is, yeah, we talk a lot about relationships in gaming in this podcast Yeah, we're gonna talk a lot about how gaming affects our relationships. And we're gonna give a lot of tips about how to help you communicate with your gamer and how to help you gamers communicate with your non gamers. I think the biggest thing that's in the way of the people who don't understand gamers is this whole communication thing.

Perf  22:29  
I was about to segue in more into the relationship, have your partner already shown interest in something you are passionate aboutm, That he's been trying to get to know more about you our this passion is done our practice. What are the behaviors that go with it?

Juke  22:51  
Yeah, did he did he watch? Did he watch your favorite movie with you? Did he go to your favorite restaurant with you? Like you guys share each other's favorites in your relationship? Right?

Perf  23:02  
So why don't you do the same? If it's about gaming about a specific game that he could actually show you? Or maybe he's, he's already been trying to get you into it. Maybe you've reacted by denying it saying you're not good enough saying any amount of dumb ass reasons just not to get involved into it?

Juke  23:26  
Do you even know the name of his favorite game? Like, we went to supper with one of your friends once. And you mentioned the game and the girlfriend said, What's that? And you're like, what? That was the biggest part of his life for 20 years of his life. And when we were on the car in the right home, it was like, how does how did she not know what that was? Not because I thought everyone knew that game but because he's been playing it for seven years. So like, for me, it's like, you should know what your boyfriend's favorite game is? Or your girlfriend's favorite game is your partner favorite game? you should at least know what it's called. And like ask what it's about. Like these are things you should know if he knows what your favorite movie is. then you should know what his favorite game is

Perf  24:16  
Just showing that you care about what he likes to he's gonna love it. You don't even have to be good at the game. I don't think in his mind, he's gonna think or anticipate that you will become a pro player at any given game. he just want to be with you share. Share some good time with you.

Juke  24:37  
Yeah, and humans as a whole, like showing off when they're good at something. And the fact that you're bad at this game allows them to show off how good they are. And it just creates this a wholesome moment like everyone likes to show how good they are at something even if it's not something important, you know, like, I like to show my cartwheels to people that are not that great. But I like showing. I like doing cartwheels. So it's the same thing. Like, the fact that you're bad is only going to make the experience better for the two of you. Because he gets to show off how good he is. And you get the whole, you get the whole experience of them teaching you something, which in a relationship is a really beautiful moment when your partner gets to learn how to teach you something. And then you guys learn how to communicate in that way of like, I had to teach her how to crochet once just for fun. And it made my brain works so hard to try to find the words for someone who was completely new to like knitting and crocheting or anything like that. It was such a mental exercise. And it was fun to really experience how bad you were at it. And then by then you learned you learned fast and it was, it was a nice moment. And we were next to each other on the couch. And you know, it was a whole experience. And we're gonna remember that moment.

Perf  26:01  
True it and that's what's great about it, it creates great, even something epic moment in a couple. 

Juke  26:09  
Yeah! I made her cry on Valentine's Day. And it was one of the most beautiful moments ever. 

Perf  26:14  
I've never heard anybody say before, and you guys didn't hear any of it

Juke  26:20  
But it was a beautiful moment. And I had such a beautiful bonding moment with his friends. Divi, nailter and I have become close friends. Why? Because I took an interest in this part of my boyfriend's life that is gaming. And then I got to get closer to his friends through that. And even like I was saying, learning Dota two,  helped me get closer to a friend that I really wasn't close to that I personally felt like was avoiding me. And now I feel like next time we hang out, like you know, after COVID and shit, I feel like we're gonna, like grab a drink. And we're gonna have a bunch of shit to talk about and to joke about, you know,

Perf  26:57  
because you will be part or at least able to comprehend more inside jokes about the gaming world.

Juke  27:05  
Yeah. And he got to see this other side of me and I got to see this other side of him. I got to see how he teaches and he got to see how I learn and, and

Perf  27:13  
that that's important. Just before I go too much off topic. There's when you try to get someone into your passion, just the part that where you show off is good. Yeah, of course it can feel good. And I'm not trying to deny that to you. But you also have some kind of responsibility where you have to be pedagogy. pedagogical, you also have to be invested in your partner. Meaning you have to explain every detail. And make yourself as if you were a teacher.

Juke  27:54  
Yeah. And make it easy. Start, like dumb it down. Whatever you think they don't know. They know less than that. And if and if they do, then they'll be like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that. And they'll be proud to tell you that they know that. You know, so just assume they know as little as possible. So it's as unintimidating for for the non gamer. And then and then build from there. You know, like, step by step. The first thing I told you about dota and that I noticed about dota was the pretty the pretty character that's like the bird that's like on fire. 

Perf  28:34  
The Phoenix.

Juke  28:35  
 Yeah. Oh my God, that's a word that I should have known. Thats  not a gaming word thats just a phoenix

its a bird and it's burning with fire. And when it dies, It resusitates

Anyway,there was a Phoenix and I was like, Oh, that's such a pretty Phoenix. And then you said, Yeah, yeah, the Dota has a lot of beautiful characters. And then said, those are the posters I've had, these posters, I've known these posters for two years. i didint remember they were from dota I had no idea. And then all of a sudden, oh, conversation, these posters that were a part of my life for two years. Now I can connect them to the game and I can see the game that I see him playing the game. I'm like, okay, shit. That's where that's where that just that is like a bit of extra knowledge. You really start small, you know,

Perf  29:23  
you touch something there. Every little bit of knowledge. Just just communicate it as you say it. Because the more they feel that they have some knowledge, the more that they feel connected and close to the game.

Juke  29:39  
Yeah, exactly. And I feel like that that can be applied to anything you're passionate about. It doesn't have to be gaming. But like in this particular situation, we're talking about gaming and it really does apply. I'd like to think that there are some anti gamers out there that that are listening to this episode because they care about the gamer in their life, and they were sent this episode, and they care enough to listen. And if you are against gaming, and you are listening to this episode, if you want to help mend your relationship with the gamer in your life, whether it be your kid or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your niece or whatever, you know. And But seriously, like, if you're against gaming, and you have gaming kids, like take interest anyways, I asked Perf when he's done if he won, or like, Did you kill all the bad guys? And I always say that in cute little ways. And half the time don't know what game he's playing it just ask him if he killed all the bad guys. And then if there weren't no bad guys, he'll tell me. If he did, he'll tell me. And then he says no. If he says that he didn't, then he lost. And I asked him if he had fun. And sometimes he'll say like, actually not even, it was really bad. Like, the players were mean to each other, blah, blah, blah. And then there's a conversation. Because the thing to remember here is, especially if you're a parent, but also if you're a partner, if you're against gaming, whatever, if you're against anything, don't you rather still know what's going on in their life, even if you're against it, if you're against gaming, then part of you feels like there's some big negative thing behind this right? Not you want them to be comfortable talking to you about it anyways, that way, if they end up if they if you think that like gaming leads to gaming addiction, don't you want them to be able to turn to you if ever they do get addicted, and they do need help. Don't what you want them to be comfortable enough to come to you.

Perf  31:28  
Of course, that would be good, then we don't, we don't need you for gaming to become your own passion, you have to be open about it, even though you don't necessarily like it or you don't even play.

Juke  31:45  
You want to be involved in your life anyway. It's like it's not because you're against something that they're into that that means you have to create this whole disconnection, you know, you can still be involved, even if you're against it the same way. I don't know. Like I when I started deciding to quit cigarettes, I started smoking cigarettes at a young age. And one of my parents realized and one of my parents didn't realize at some point, I had to sit my parents down when I was like 18 or 19 and say, Hey, I was a smoker. And now I'm trying to quit. And this is what I'm doing to try to quit. My parents didn't like hearing it. But they liked that I told them, they liked that I wasnt keeping secrets from them, you know? And, yeah, they didn't like it. When I saw cigarette, they saw or smelled cigarettes on me. But at least they know that there was this open line of communication where I was telling them like, Okay, this is how I'm trying to quit and then now all of a sudden, it could be part of my journey. This is the same thing, like you don't have to be into it.  if you're headstrong and being against it fine, can still be part of their lives and still still ask questions and try try to learn try to try to find things out you realize that there's a lot more to life that you don't know.

Perf  33:00  
I think there's a big part around just the knowledge and the understanding of the gaming world that has to be that would profit to be more known for other people to be accepted, accepted, accepted, accepted rules, accepting Why was it hard for me? I also have to say that this is not as much as a rant as I thought it would be. But more as that's why that's where I was going with that that message of acceptance and openness about gaming that would benefit and just most people out there

Juke  33:40  
Yeah, well I think when we first had the idea for this episode of like, Okay, well we don't have any interviews let's rant about anti gamers we felt really strongly and heated about it, like in the moment and we've been feeling strongly and heated about it like me if because because when I when we do talk about the friends that we have that are dating or have dated anti gamers I get really I get really like heated about it it really pisses me off because these are like good guys.

Perf  34:08  
Same I was feeling, we were in the moment so that's why the ranting part came out but

Juke  34:15  
yeah, but but but yeah, because they're good guys you know and they don't deserve to be living that 

Perf  34:24  
all these tensions for for what I don't know 

Juke  34:28  
because I only I've only seen this side of it where you guys are like trying to play a game and and then all of a sudden halfway through the game like the your friend that's dating an anti gamer like is playing like shit and you and you're not answering on discord and and you're like you know that their girlfriend's nagging them and, and it's like creates this whole thing where you're not like being being nagging and mean about gaming. You're not just affecting their video games. You're affecting their friendships you're affecting, you're affecting their relationships, because you're making that gamer less reliable to his friends. And that's what I see, when, whenever your friends start dating anti gamers, or gamerphobes, they become less reliable friends. Because you guys spend a lot of time playing video games together. That's how you guys bond the same way me and some of my friends bond over music, you guys bond over gaming. And every time they date anti gamers, they become less reliable friends. And so, yeah, we feel heated because these anti gamers they affect more than they think, because they're refusing to understand, or they're not even trying to understand, because if they did try to understand, then they would see how it's way bigger than just playing a video game, just wasting time and frying your brain cells, they would see that it's socializing, that is building friendships, team building, like benefits on your brain helping you get better memory, helping you strategize better, helping you a better impulse control, it is such a huge thing.

Perf  36:07  
 this is all part of why you should create a code around it, as a when it's okay to come in when it's not.

Juke  36:18  
And like, yeah, in other episodes, we talked about our door methods. But like, people have many methods, my ex, he would get really annoyed if he was watching a show and someone came to talk to him. It was like, can you ... I'm immersed in this show right now. And it would really annoy him. And he wasn't necessarily nice about it, sometimes, but his way of handling it was: no if I'm busy and someone comes to interrupt me and I'm clearly busy, like, you can't miss it. When someone's watching a show. Like that. There's sound, there's visuals, like, it's very obvious. Someone's busy and so he doesn't answer. Like he doesn't answer if you're if you're gonna interrupt him in the middle of a show in the middle of something. So obviously of I'm busy. He's not going to acknowledge your existence, he won't even look at you.

Perf  37:09  
I get that though. I do have some situation where I had friends, that or even people I was living with that. I was listening to a show and this situation happened and he's just trying to start a conversation with you flat out in the middle of an episode. And I'm like, brah what the fuck are you doing right now?do you see what I'm doing?

Juke  37:29  
Exactly. But I think like, I think it's, it's, it's a harsh way of going to just ignore someone and refuse to acknowledge someone. But if you told if if you if you make that agreement in advance, you know, if I say instead of talking about our door method, I we had said, like, if I'm clearly busy, and you interrupt me, I'm just not going to answer you. To give you a second chance to to realize that I'm clearly busy. And that was agreed upon that from the start, then that could be the method you choose to go for. You know, like me when I was dating that guy understood really fast that that's how he works. And so sometimes because I'm an impulsive person, I would walk up to him and say something random, and like useless, you know, and that's something that's like, you know, the beds on fire or whatever we need to run out of the house but something stupid, like how was your day and then he didn't answer me. I didn't get mad, or be like, Oh, he's giving me the silent treatment. I was like, Oh wait, there's clearly a TV on in front of me. The speakers are on I'm hearing music and styling people talking. What the fuck am I doing? I'm like, this is rude. What I'm doing is rude. what he was doing was it rude? Especially since I knew that that's how he worked. You know, there's a lot of methods that you can have and I'm not saying the door method works for you. I'm not saying the ignoring the person works for you. But communication communication communication before I continue repeating myself a million times because you know how passionate I am about communication. 

Perf  39:00  
Yes, I do. 

Juke  39:01  
I think we can end the episode here. I don't think there was anything any like gamer terms much in this episode really. But if there is, if there were you'll find the definitions on the glossary of Getting Gamers.

Perf  39:16  
So you guys can find our podcast on social media, on Twitter and on Facebook at Getting Gamers and I'm going to plug myself again here because I love myself so much. twitch.tv/perfectedl to see my beautiful face most likely playing Dota two Yeah. juke you have anything to plug?

Juke  39:40  
you can find me at Juke_ish. I'm on Instagram. I'm on Twitter, and YouTube. We also have an Instagram for the podcast which is getting_gamers but yeah, it's hard to maintain this many social medias.