Rekindling Passion: The Power of Human Connection and Navigating the Digital Age

What if we told you that a simple heartfelt message could reignite a passion that had been put on hold? Join Dr. Taylor Hartman and his dear friend Cat Larson as they share the touching story of how a message from George Young inspired their return to the podcast world. Together, they discuss the transformative power of influential relationships and the joy of reconnecting with their cherished listeners. You'll discover why they chose a monthly format and how Dr. Hartman's extensive travels influenced this decision.

Ever had a seemingly insignificant encounter turn into a memorable experience? Dr. Hartman and Cat dive into the profound impact of acknowledging the unique qualities of those we meet, from a secondhand store visit to the infectious joy of a granddaughter. They highlight the magic of small, genuine interactions and how they enrich our relationships. The conversation extends to the power of listening, valuing others' stories, and the significance of human connection in our daily lives.

In today's tech-driven world, how do we ensure technology serves us without controlling us? Dr. Hartman and Cat explore the effects of technology on our relationships and mental health, advocating for intentional disconnection to foster real connections. They discuss practical strategies like delaying cell phone use for children and limiting cell phone usage in schools. Navigating the digital age, they reflect on the superficiality of social media and the importance of diverse perspectives. Tune in for a teaser on the intriguing concept of "Generation Transition" and artificial intelligence as "artificial intimacy," setting the stage for an upcoming discussion on gender dynamics in relationships.

Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.

Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:13

Hello listeners, this is Dr Taylor Hartman. I know you thought you'd never hear from me again, but I'm back, and I'm back with my good friend.

Speaker 3: 0:22

Kat Larson. Hello Kat, oh, I am just so excited to hear your voice. Yay, here we are. Yay, two old friends, two old people Back at it again Two friends that are old, let's just say it that way. Well, I actually, as you know, I have so much fun being with you.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Yeah yeah, wonderful, same same. So I'm excited about that, and we've just talked about, like, what we're going to try and why we're going back on, and today we're going to do once a month. That's what we're going to do, correct, and mostly the reason is just I really have enjoyed my downtime, yes, and I am traveling more than usual, yes. So because of that, it makes it easier to navigate if we do once a month, and my colleague, kat, has been very agreeable and willing to make this thing work. So here we go again. Hi, I'd like to welcome you back to us and us back to you.

Speaker 3: 1:22

Yes, yes, yes. I've had so many people, like you know, like okay, kat, I have listened to all of your previous ones four times now and I get it. I could recite it. In fact, I do recite it. So can we get some new stuff? Give me some new material. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:41

It's funny you say that because I have been torn. I love our audience, I love the feedback they give to us, but I really did like having some free time. So what happened? What happened? What happened was a very blue friend of mine His name is George Young and he and I went to college together. We were both in the master's program of mine. His name is George Young and he and I went to college together. We were both in the master's program of counseling together. And I still remember I would say to him after we were done George, you have to be less nice Like you're way too nice. These people are screwed up. You need to be more direct with them. And he is just kind by nature. He is just a kind human being. And so when he said this to me, he said do you remember that time when you told me I was too nice? Well, okay, this is not so nice, so just bear with it, but it was nice, it was very kind. Let me read you a text he sent me that has changed my mind. Okay, so good to hear from you. Thanks for reaching out.

Speaker 2: 2:49

I recently received a disappointment. I tuned into your podcast. I was quickly told by you that you were signing off. Your reasons for doing so made perfect sense to me, but in an instant I saw the potential harm in podcasts. In a moment, without warning, out of the blue, a relationship ended. I'm one of the few lucky ones you are my personal friend and I still have access to you but it could have been like an experience I had a few years ago. As decades-long fan of PBS NewsHour, I look forward to one hour.

Speaker 2: 3:24

I spent each week day when I feel and Judy, Judy Woodruff being brought up to date on the news. Then for a period of a week or two when I feel was away quote. Then it was a succinct quote. When I feel is ill quote. Then the next day, the lightning bolt we are sad to announce when I feel has passed away from cancer. That was a wounding experience for me. I still miss when I feel that Taylor, of course you haven't passed away. That's a very real censured. Gone to your listeners and there will be some emptiness out there.

Speaker 2: 4:00

You are likely thinking oh, George, get over it. Are you so bereft of relationships in your life that these everyday occurrences, distant as they may be, affect the way you describe? The answer I'm giving you, Taylor, is I'm fairly selective regarding the relationships I enter into. They involve only a few dozen people but, yes, my life revolves around them and each one requires something a little different from me, just as each one contributes something different to me. And when they are broken, I am, for whatever reason, diminished. I just was so moved by that cat. His genuine sincerity just cut me like a knife and I went back and listened to the last podcast and I'm like, yeah, you were kind of flippant about like what's over? We had a great trip. So yellow of me and I was thinking, as a blue, well, what, what was that like to have the bandaid just ripped off and we're done and goodbye. So I've been thinking about that and for our listeners, just so you know I have a heart and he got to it.

Speaker 3: 5:10

It's like the Grinch, the Grinch's heart, like in the thing that it grew four sizes that day.

Speaker 2: 5:17

That's so good. I really I was very touched Let me be honest about it and I thought about it, I thought through it and I decided that we do have an ongoing long-term relationship that we enjoy. So we're back and I want you to know, I want you to think about people in your life that have influenced you A friend, for example, that have touched you, things they say, things they do that you carry with you. Sometimes it's just timing, like sometimes it's just oh my gosh, I just needed to hear that when I heard that and I was perceptive to it. Sometimes it's a wake-up call, like you don't expect it and someone says it and you're like, wow, that's powerful. I think that that's what our listeners gain from this experience is that we do influence each other. That's what our listeners gain from this experience is that we do influence each other, and I have a personal bias that I think we should spend energy lifting others, getting them back in the best shape they can be, helping them through life, as opposed to getting ahead, you know, beating somebody down, winning at their expense, making more money than they make, being fitter than they are. Those kinds of things seem so disingenuous and limited as opposed to what this dear friend of mine did for me. So I want us to think about that. And, kat, you and I have played that in each other's life as well, right? Yes, we've experienced that with each other for years. Yes, I think it's very meaningful for us to think about people, and especially in terms of colors, because it does impact people differently depending on who they are at their core. So yellow. I certainly don't mean to be dismissive, but but his comments made me well. You were dismissive of people who feel very connected to you through your work. Like you, just kind of thought at the time I'm going to take care of me and be less committed to doing all the things I'm doing, which is fine Not a bad motive by any means but on the other hand, I love that depth of connection he has. That reminded me of that. So think about that in your life. Who are those people and how have they impacted you, in a positive and or negative way? I'm sure both ways. Right.

Speaker 2: 7:36

I was thinking about one of my clients I was talking to recently. He experienced such a traumatic experience as a young boy being unseen. Nobody saw him. His dad was a very successful, prominent businessman and people admired him tremendously. This man loves his father, he respects him dearly. But he said, taylor, no one really saw me. I was on my own, I was the last born and I was younger than my my brothers by 10 years, so really I was raised alone and I didn't want to cause pain or conflict and so I just lived in my own aloneness and the reason he came to me was he wants to find connection and I really admire that.

Speaker 2: 8:30

I think about his genuineness always longing for this. But his childhood impacted him deeply, like it was very hard for him to get over the feeling of being unseen. So for our listeners, what I did do to him was I did my experience where you take that walk on the beach and you see yourself as a child building a sandcastle and you reconnect with the child. And he did that experience and his wife made the most beautiful comment. She goes maybe you could become the person now who sees that child, since you're an adult male, versus what you didn't get seen as the child himself. Maybe you can take that role on and actually see you now. Wow, isn't that powerful? Yes, and he has grown to where he can do that Like that can happen, but my heart is filled with just deep regret for him that so many years he felt unseen.

Speaker 3: 9:36

What's his core color? Blue, yeah, that happens right. I mean like being seen. Everybody needs to be seen and looked at, in whatever color.

Speaker 2: 9:46

That's a great point, and what's the difference is that many times like a yellow will tend to be seen, whether you like to see them or not. Right, you see them, right, right. Reds are also bolder about making actions. They do things that make them seen competing driving more like that.

Speaker 2: 10:03

Blues and whites are very vulnerable not to be seen and then not to make an issue out of it. I like our youngest son, tj. He never, ever, made a problem ever. He just would not do that. When he got older he said what can I do to get disciplined? Like, what can I do to be done to be punished? No, no, no, stop right there. You're doing great, don't go there. He was missing out on being punished. You know just my heart goes out to people that don't get seen and don't know how to ask for it in a way that's healthy. Some people act out, some people make poor choices as a result of that, but I do think that you're right. Every color deserves to be seen.

Speaker 3: 10:51

How do you think we can get better at seeing people, Taylor? I mean, what do you do to see people?

Speaker 2: 10:57

I listen. You know, what fascinates me, kat, is that when you really hear people, people, they remember you because you cared about them. Like I'm serious, when I go into a like a coffee shop, um, where they make bagels and that kind of sandwiches, they're busy so they're really racing but, if I can get three minutes of.

Speaker 2: 11:19

so what was the best thing that happened to you last week? First of all, all they're stunned. Why are you asking me? I'm here serving you, and it creates a bond Like if I could just ask something and listen to who they are and what they are, and not top them. Oh, that's what happened. Let me tell you what happened to me. No, no, no. I just want to hear them who they are. So I find listening is a big one for me, like a really positive one for me.

Speaker 3: 11:42

That make sense. Yeah, I was in Colorado last week. I have a friend that lives there. I was working, but I was spending some time with my friend and we went to this really great secondhand store and there's a lady behind the counter and my friend says to me I want to see how she reacts to you. So I was like why? And she goes, man, I don't know, she just does not. You know, she won't even give me anything, right, like almost dismissive to her, and she's behind the counter, you know, checking you out.

Speaker 3: 12:14

And so I go up there and of course then you know, like, challenge accepted, I'm going to get this person to be nice to me, you know. So so I go up and and, yeah, I mean, it was like no eye contact, cold. How are you? You know, and I turned it on right now. How are you doing today? Are you busy? Yep, I don't know. You know, I just like a little won't look at me, blah, blah, blah. And so then I stopped and it was very interesting and I said are you okay? And I know that's probably not very kind to do to somebody, but it came from a kind place, right, like it's pretty intimate, it's pretty intimate, it's pretty intimate, genuine, right, yeah, she just seems so unhappy. I'm like are you okay? And she looked up at me and she was like yes, you know. So I didn't get anything major, but it was like just you know, because people will just take it and take it, and take it.

Speaker 2: 13:09

I love that.

Speaker 3: 13:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:14

I think it's very, very cool that you reached out and gave her the opportunity to connect.

Speaker 3: 13:17

Yeah, and maybe she didn't want to connect right that's fine, right forget that right right right. I mean, I probably didn't head into it with the cleanest of motive, but I really was. At that point I'm like are you all right? Because it was like you know. And the funny thing is that she's, before I walk up to her, she she's looking at her coworker, like you know.

Speaker 3: 13:37

Yeah, she was very engaged there, yeah, so maybe she wasn't happy doing the work I'm sure I mean, but you know it's like a, it's like a secondhand store and you know like a where are you going. So I just I love what you're talking about, though, which is like seeing people and it's and it's powerful, like if you boil it down into you know, do I know this person? Will I see her again? Probably not Never, but that moment is so important, just in how you head out into the world and do things differently, or shutting down, or armoring up because somebody doesn't see you.

Speaker 2: 14:12

John Wooden, that great basketball coach. He said do something every day for somebody who can't repay you, yes. So the theory is don't try and make it about you and don't try and get something back, right, just offer something, yes. And it's interesting how many times people don't realize it's simple things. It's not like money, dollars, it's just connection, right, right, just caring about them, right?

Speaker 3: 14:35

So I'm sorry, I want to hear what. So you're in a coffee shop and you're asking something good. That happened this week. That's how you see people. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 2: 14:44

In that scenario I want them to give me something of them, like, who are they? But I don't think people understand the power of listening. Like I am fascinated at how much people will ramble on and make it about them and never even stop to connect. It's just that's their. I guess that's the level they want to connect on. But I find it more valuable to actually get where somebody's coming from here, where their story is, and there's things I can share. I'm happy to do that. But the priority for me is getting to know who they are and what matters to them, and so I think that's, uh, that's a shift in how you see people. I think the other part is like I have a granddaughter who I'm telling you this kid, she is so yellow like, she is like the sunshine, she's just fun, fun. If it's fun, she'll do it. And uh, you know the when they had the, those like the colors that they saw around the world recently yeah, the rural boreal right.

Speaker 2: 15:41

She's woken out of bed at three in the morning and they say let's go, let's do this, and so she goes. She's just that kind of a person and I said to her the other day I do you even know how much fun you are Like you're just a bundle of energy, of happiness. That's what you are. And I wanted her to know there's more to her than maybe she realizes. I didn't want her to feel dismissed, unimportant, because she's just not sure what she wants to do with her life or where she wants to go. And I said just your being excites me, it makes me happy Just knowing you're out there being fun.

Speaker 2: 16:14

I said you need to go build a house in Belize or something like that. You need to go do something with other people Because you have a way of radiating that does more than necessarily what you think it does. There's more to you than that. So I think if we can see people for what they bring to us my friend George, what he wrote to me, the depth of that I love that. I just appreciate the differences in who we are and what they can be in our lives.

Speaker 3: 16:40

And that's why you're sitting here today.

Speaker 2: 16:42

That's why I'm here, you're impacting me yeah, 100%, and I don't think a lot of people realize how many times they impact others because people don't say anything right. But we are impacted, we see things, we appreciate things more when we connect with other people and make it about them.

Speaker 3: 17:00

Yeah, and it has to be on purpose, I think, because I do feel like there are, statistically, what's happening with disconnection, isolation, not, you know, not unhealthy results of that in personality in terms of sickness or depression or anxiety and what happens with people. And I don't like to bring up negative statistics, but you have to look at something to go. Is that true? Is what I'm feeling in terms of disconnection in the world happening? Yes, I mean, that's that's what all of these researchers at all of these places look at is like what are, what are we all about? And now I'm hearing like do not give your kid a cell phone until right, because the minute that happens, you know they get sucked into that world. I mean, I just read something yesterday. It's like it's worse than we even. It's. It's not manageable, you can't manage it.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Well, I think the thing we have to understand is, when you're given a gift, like maybe you make lots of money, yeah, that can own you. If you can't own it, that's right. I think technology is no different. Right, it really can own you if you don't own it. And I, I mean, I love cell phones, I love the use of them, I love the opportunities they bring.

Speaker 2: 18:16

But you know, Kat, I really think that not giving your cell phone to a kid until they're older is brilliant. I think it's bizarre. There's a school that does not allow cell phones in the classroom and parents are angry and I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, just a minute. And their point is I don't think it's a safety issue, I need to know I can reach them. Look, this is insanity. Like these children are trying to learn something. They don't need a cell phone to interrupt their learning process, right.

Speaker 2: 18:48

And I think couples, for example sit with your spouse, lie with your spouse, eat with your spouse, spend one half hour on a walk with your spouse no cell phone, no technology and no agenda and see what you discover, see what comes out of that, like that isolation and that ability to connect free of distraction. And I'm well aware that some people will be scrambling to get back to their home or back to their phone. I get that, but that's a red flag. What you should discover is oh my gosh, this is really nice. I really enjoy being with you and present with you, not dragging myself elsewhere. Try it, I tell everybody, just try that.

Speaker 2: 19:35

Couples that are struggling always say take the first half an hour when you get home and just enjoy being with that person. Nothing else matters more. Well, I can't, because I have this or I have dinner and I I have a call to make. Okay, I'm just telling you that you're letting technology own you but it. But if you could, just telling you that you're letting technology own you, but if you could just try it and see if you could own that. Again, I'm saying own it, discipline it, don't let it discipline you. That's the difference.

Speaker 3: 20:01

Well, my journey has been on. I mean, there's some, there's some very clever people out there that put things on, you know, reels and Instagram and stuff. That's very funny, you know, and that's not an excuse, I'm just saying that it's. It's funny that, like, I have friends that I don't talk to, but we'll send each other, like you know, puppy videos. Like I mean, this is out there, right, like you know, we call ourselves friends, but we've sent 783 memes to each other and we haven't talked in four years, right, and, and I say friend, friend, you know, and but I mean, and they make memes about that too, right, that that whole, that whole aspect of things, but I really I do, I struggle with it and I am getting ready to disconnect completely other than our work, you know, like our, our, our Taylor Hartman personality, instagram, and then the edge for one, because I feel like I don't even know.

Speaker 2: 20:57

Huh, you're not cutting me off? Is this your way of saying to me this will be our last chat?

Speaker 3: 21:04

together. Oh, I mean just like everybody else I follow. I mean you know, like what I do, how I look at things, how, how what I send to people. You know it's like it's a lot of time, it takes, it takes, and so I just it's fun, it is superficial, that's a good point.

Speaker 2: 21:24

That's a great point. I agree with that, although I have have to be honest, I don't like those. When people send on facebook or instagram they say if, if you really care about me, you'll read this whole thing, and then you post it wait a minute, don't hold me hostage to how I dictate, how you dictate, I'm your friend.

Speaker 3: 21:40

No, no, no. And if you notice that, it's like like, since, since social media, there is a day for everything, like it's national carpet cleaning day, it's national, you know, arrange your books day, and I'm like, and I used to like buy into all of it, like say, oh, it's national, second second child day, yeah, and I would send stuff. I'm like, okay, no, I'm not doing that anymore I know we're all at different levels.

Speaker 2: 22:07

I get that I'm not an all or nothing person. Fortunately it doesn't own me. I look at it once in a while. That's great. I'm lucky that way. We all have different things that attract us. But I still will never forget that time.

Speaker 2: 22:20

I drove by the building down in Provo, utah, where I was a crisis line director in college, and that call came in from that woman that said I just needed to hear your voice. I have not heard a human voice in the last week and I'm saying did you? Is there any of the reason you were calling? She goes no, I just needed to hear a human voice and I'm not capable of getting that by going to the store or connecting with somebody. I'm too uncomfortable myself. It was. It was heartbreaking, kat.

Speaker 2: 22:56

I remember 50 years later, like the idea that somebody would feel that disconnected. So I do think that what we're talking about here may feel like well, we're not, no, but maybe where we are is someplace else. That's not that much better, like just being superficial or disconnected or only agreeing with people that are like us that we can tolerate. That is insane to me. I'm so intrigued how we can get better as a society of getting back to hearing people with diversity and different thinking I love. I'm literally reading two books right now. One is a fiction tale about a white man who defends a black murder suspect, and another one about the civil war with Eric.

Speaker 2: 23:43

Larson, and another one about the Civil War with Eric Larson, which is factual and nonfiction, and the trauma in those days, the things that I thought we were the ones that were so traumatized with this polarization and issues going on.

Speaker 2: 24:02

No, they were just as bad as we were, and so it kind of put me in my place. It humbled me to realize, no, it's not worse off than it was in 1860. Like they weren't even sure they could get Lincoln to the white house without being killed, like it was that blatant, the secession from the union and that kind of stuff. So I really I think it was very humbling for me to think all right, we all get challenged, we all have our issues to work with and I think having people in our corner, people we care about, that help us, is very critical so that we can also embrace those that are not, yes, like.

Speaker 2: 24:38

Whenever I go on retreats, I would say who are you most like here and who are you least like? And then I would say to them the person that you are most like will be a saving grace. So when I'm harassing you and beating you up about something they're going oh, I get that, I understand exactly what you're going through, I understand that and it feels good to be comforted. People least like you, I always say, will teach you the most. Those are the ones that the way they think, the way they see things, will probably teach you more about yourself than those that are most like you. So I think we need more of that, kat. We need to have our society.

Speaker 3: 25:15

Well, and you know where you started with this conversation and where we went with social media. I think I just was listening to something that we're, we are all, all of us, no matter what our age we are in now. It's called Generation T, Generation Transition, and the fact that the changes are coming so fast and so rapidly that that transition piece happened so much quicker than it did, you know. But to be able to pull what you were just saying through, right, Like from the 1860s, here's what's the same. We better get ready. I mean, there's no more five-year strategic plans there's, you know, let's talk about the next six months, because things are changing so rapidly. Yeah, very true, you know, but you have to adapt.

Speaker 3: 26:03

And the artificial intelligence, or this lady was talking. She said she called it artificial intimacy. Isn't that interesting? Right, AI is artificial intimacy, Intimacy, yeah, that's what she said. That's so good, I know. And so just looking at that and saying these skills, that why you're back sitting in your chair and thank God you are and talking with us, is that you, you got to get better at this. This doesn't all of this transition, all of this change, all of this exciting thing. No, it makes this more critical what you're talking about. It makes it more critical A great point.

Speaker 2: 26:40

Great point, I mean honestly we've got to teach this to get meaning in our life. Yep, that's what has to happen. So we're going to end this one, but only with the idea that we're coming back next month. And next month I'm going to talk about relationships husband, wife, and how that works versus man and female, male, female oh, so we're going to take that dynamic.

Speaker 3: 27:09

And I have one little shout out uh, george, wherever you are, golf clap Thank you. Thank you for the, for the, for the gentle, but really good pressure you put on Taylor Hartman.

Speaker 2: 27:21

He's very deserving of that. Shout out yes, listeners, we love you. We are so happy to be back with you and thank you for always being so supportive, yes, and nurturing both Kat and I. We will see you next month.

Speaker 3: 27:34

Yes, and we will be releasing one a month. Just, I think we already said that, but one a month, yes.

Speaker 2: 27:40

And just so you know I'm so great at marketing.

Speaker 3: 27:42

I forget to do this all the time.

Speaker 2: 27:49

I have my brand new book coming out. Oh my gosh, that's right. It's so exciting. Yeah, it's the Hartman color code for couples and I take people through each relationship, whether you're red, white, blue, yellow, whatever you are. Um, how you deal with decision-making, intimacy, making bigger little decisions. Uh, it's going to be a. You'll love it. It's good, it's all done. It's being printed as we talk and we'll be sending out information. If you want to know more about it, just check in with contact at Taylor Hartman and we'll let you know. You can do the early bird buy-in.

Speaker 3: 28:18

Yeah, and check out our. I will. I will put some notes at the end of this, but our Instagram and it will be, it will be on our website. So it's great stuff, Great stuff.

Speaker 2: 28:29

Great to see you again. You too, honey All right.

Speaker 3: 28:32

See you next week, next time See you next month. Okay, bye-bye, bye now.