Mental Health Advocacy and a Gender Neutral Future with Non-Binary Rapper Dean FM

Dean FM (Dean-Fraser Milford) is a Boston Massachusetts based non-binary rapper, activist and influencer. 

His music encapsulates eclectic thoughts that scat over percussive rhythms and exotic sounds. His performances exude drag culture and satiric expression. In 2016, Dean released his debut EP “Watch It”, which received local and national coverage. In 2020, Dean FM released his EP entitled “SISSY.” The music video for his lead single “Bottom Bit” shines a light on the exploitation of prostitution. 

Dean FM stands for compassion, courage, and equality. In his activism, he supports the awareness and acceptance of gender neutrality. He refuses to deny his true identity — identifying himself with both he and her pronouns. Dean also advocates for the awareness of minority mental health and the prevention of animal abuse. 

As an influencer, Dean utilizes his platforms to further promote his art and advocacy work. 

 https://deanfmofficial.com/ 

Transcript

Alex Iantaffi: 0:36

Hello and welcome to another episode of Gender Stories. As ever, I'm so excited. I know I'm always excited. But first of all, I'm an easily excitable person. And second of all for gender stories I get to talk to so many wonderful people. And today I get to talk to Dean FM a Boston Massachusetts based non-binary rapper, activist and influencer. His music encapsulates eclectic thoughts that scat over percussive rhythms and exotic sounds. His performances exude drag culture and satiric expression. In 2016, Dean released his debut EP “Watch It”, which received local and national coverage. In 2020, Dean FM released his EP entitled“SISSY.” The music video for his lead single “Bottom Bit” shines a light on the exploitation of prostitution. Dean FM stands for compassion, courage, and equality. In his activism, he supports the awareness and acceptance of gender neutrality. He refuses to deny his true identity — identifying himself with both he and her pronouns. Dean also advocates for the awareness of minority mental health and the prevention of animal abuse. As an influencer, Dean utilizes his platforms to further promote his art and advocacy work. So thank you, Dean for making the time to talk with me for the gender stories, listeners, welcome.

Dean FM: 1:53

Thank you so much for having me.

Alex Iantaffi: 1:56

Yeah, I'm always excited to talk about music because I love music and all styles of music. And so tell me a little bit about your journey towards becoming, you know, a rapper, and really kind of making the music that you make what moved you to make music? And when did you start making music and all that good stuff?

Dean FM: 2:18

Yeah, so I started, I started writing and doing in getting interested in rap in high school. And I started working with the manager who I have now as a lab to tutor on the side kind of like a math tutor was a weird, so let's see, she worked on, I worked with her today, nearly 15 years later, but you know, it's I've gotten really into music professionally after about 2021 Or two, because I had left college due to an issue of substance abuse. And the it was hard to get back into school. But I still I decided to, you know, take on music as I as I worked in customer service, so I would be able to try to work towards that. I really, my first EP Watch It was, you know, it was an amazing time, I felt so good. You know, music is definitely where I want to be. And I continue to create and I have more stuff coming out soon and that type of thing. So but and currently, I am doing my music as well as influencing on YouTube and on Instagram, as well. I have gotten back into school so I'm both went but I'm also trying to go back into school and trying to diversify my or expand my repertoire as a artist in songwriting. So I'm going for songwriting degree. And and yeah, that's so um, it's music is where it's at for me.

Alex Iantaffi: 3:49

Yeah, congrats on going back to school. I know, it's not easy when there is a distraction, you know, with school. And so I Yes, I hope it's really fun and that you get everything you want out of doing a songwriting degree. And let's talk a little bit you know, music can be such a resource, at least for me, I know, like music really helps me with my own mental health music really helps me you know, just be more present, you know, with myself and the world. And so, I'm wondering, you know, you mentioned kind of dropping off school because of substance use issue. Do you find the music as a musician hopes also helps you kind of process challenges or feel like you can express different parts of yourself or I'm just curious about your relationship in terms of like, mental and emotional and health and music, if that makes sense. Yeah,

Dean FM: 4:44

music has always been a pretty decent coping strategy. And I've always been a creative or artistic type of individual, like, when I was younger, I did physical art, you know, physical mediums, like, you know, painting collages. I love that type of thing. I was gonna go into school for art, but then I wasn't that didn't work out. So I went to Tulane and I, Art has always been a very much an escape. It's in school, you know, doodling and stuff. I've always had these coping mechanisms and I right now like writing and producing and content creating is very helpful because as somebody who doesn't feel you know, very self confident all the time, you know, I'm working on that. It's nice to have things that that are put out, and that I can be proud of that are You know, that's that I can say, regardless as to whether or not people you know, it's wildly appreciate or wildly, you know, like I still I'm proud of it and I'm proud of my you know, of myself and the things that I put into. And I encourage everybody, no matter if they are, you know, it feels like they are artistically inclined to still to try it. And everybody deserves a place in the industry. That's my opinion, no matter if they're good or bad. So that's how I feel, you know? Yeah.

Alex Iantaffi: 6:03

I really hear that I feel like they're creating such such such a thing we need as humans, right? Whether it's creating a song, creating a meal, writing something doodling, right, unlike terrible at drawing, but I really enjoy coloring and choosing different, you know, color combination, when I'm coloring, I think we need that expression of creativity, which is getting really hard under capitalism, right? Because there's this idea, we have to, like, produce and always like, you know, be excellent, I everything, I'm like, No, we can just do stuff because it feels good. It helps us cope, you know, it helps us express ourselves. And I love that and your music is great to also. So I'm very grateful that you make music, by the way, lead with that.

Dean FM: 6:48

But definitely use in terms of a coping skill. It's more than that. Obviously, for me, it's, I want it to be professional, I want to get into a more professional zone with it. But I think just being realistic with myself and knowing that, you know, I've given it five years, I'm still going to keep going, I'm gonna try to expand what I do. So I'm definitely want to add music is always going to be where I'm gonna return I can. I'm married to it, you know, so yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 7:12

yeah, you're a musician. And once you're a musician, no matter what happens in terms of like, you know, success in air quotes, whatever success means, right in this world, that I'm so glad to hear you're proud of your music, and it's your music is beautiful. Also, I just love that because I feel as poetry with music. right it just just, you know, it just speaks to my soul. So thank you for making beautiful music. And let's talk about gender for a minute. What is it like to be a non binary musician? Right, I think there is this impression of the moment, you know, definitely for the last few years, you know, trans tipping point, more visibility, and with that visibility, also come challenges. And so I'm wondering about your own experiences being a non binary, you know, rapper, non binary musician, artist, right now what what the experience is like for you?

Dean FM: 8:07

Well, it's always been. Music has definitely been a way to get involved in my community. And I feel like it's always been a way to, that has, I went out music, I don't think I would have been able to be as queer or queer at all, I think music not only helps me to come and listen, I helped me come out, I feel like music helps me coming out, like, you know, when I'm listening to, you know, you know, all these female rappers, you know, it's kind of hard to, you know, not accept it. Finally, you know, like, maybe a little feminine, you know, maybe, maybe you got some good things good. Yeah. So it's like, that's always been a winner. And I feel like performing on stage, I'm able to be that character I'm able to be. And it's not to say that my appearance has determined the character, because this is who I would just, like, it sounds like going on stage, and things like that, that's always been a like, it's such a an enlightening experience, as well, as you know, but in terms of being gender queer, in hip hop, in the in what I've experienced in the industry is not accepting, you know, the industry is not very accepting of, you know, of homosexuality, of femininity, and it's very often sexualized, if it is feminine. You know, I need to be clear, I just know, like, I've known and we all I mean, it's something that I knew, since I was young, that this is not going to be an industry that's going to be easy to be in because of all the, you know, the macho, you know, people and that type of thing.

Alex Iantaffi: 9:43

Yeah, no, sorry. Go ahead. So yeah.

Dean FM: 9:49

Well, yeah, I mean, just these, I'm not gonna stop doing what I gotta do. You know, there's a lot of, I'm happy to see a lot of gay artists coming out a lot of gay rappers, a lot of gay, you know, both lesbian and gay and non binary and in terms of, you know, in the industry, it's very nice to see I think it is becoming more open. But that's been a struggle for me, I wouldn't blame or in any way that that my lack of success on on the homophobia in the industry, because, you know, we all I wanted to take personal responsibility and that want to make the best content that people are gonna like, you know, things like that. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah.

Alex Iantaffi: 10:29

No, but it is fairly at the same time. It is pretty recent. The people have been able to be more out as performers, especially trans non binary, gender queer, gender, expansive performers, in all sorts of arts and in hip hop. I mean, definitely, the landscape is very different than it was like 30 years ago. You know, for example, when I was a teenager in the 80s, I'm that old. I'm in my 50 like, you know, the, it's so wonderful to have more artists engaged in the industry, and they cannot be easy, whatever the industry is, right? It's never easy. I don't think to be a trans non binary, gender expensive artists. And so I appreciate you taking personal responsibility. And there's also reality of the system. Right, when we know there's a lot of systemic barriers. And, you know, let's talk about, you know, your EP entitled Sissy. This is often used as a slayer, by, you know, us, citizen, straight folks, mostly towards kind of more effeminate, folks. And so, tell me a little bit about why that title and kind of, how would you relate to that word, if that makes sense? Yeah,

Dean FM: 11:45

I was called that when I was younger, because of, from people in my family. And it's, you know, it's kind of like, I don't want to, it's even, it's not even that so deep that I would like to put those people on blast, but it's like, you know, I put people in my family, I was called up, and it was always something that was, that was the hardest word, I feel like that was called in, within my family towards me. And, you know, that's, it was, you know, I was proud of that, and my friends are fond of, you know, just friends of the family, you know, and, you know, it's, it's it, I wanted to kind of reclaim it a little bit with calling my album that is just kind of making it more fun for me, like, just, you know, that's my, that's my slice. That's why I feel like we should be able to use it, when, when, when the time calls for it. And I think there's nothing wrong with with who people are. I don't think there's anything Well, I was, you know, I think so slurs come along with slurs, but there's, you know, there's no real meaning and there shouldn't be any power in them. But there is unfortunately, and you know, knowing that I kind of been recently, even in my creative classes, looking back at Sissy I kind of wonder if that was the best terminology, because now it's because, like, recently, Nicki Minaj came out with a song that had "sissies". And I'm like, now now I'm like, kind of like, do I want people? Like, obviously, that's our word, right. That's our word. And I don't. And I think it's a delicate, it's a tricky area to have. And I don't I don't want to push it in a way that people should be using it. I don't want to push it in a way that like, like, even gay people should use it. I think it's a, it is a sort of my project. That was just the project, basically. Yeah.

Alex Iantaffi: 13:25

And I think there is power in reclaiming your words are being used against us to hurt us, right? It's like, and like you said, it is a fine line, right? Because then it doesn't mean we're giving permission to other folks to use it, if it's not a word that has been used to hurt them, right? It's like, for me, it's like, I would identify, I do identify as a trans faggot, but I wouldn't use that word outside of queer community, or my official bio, because I don't want to give straight people the impression that they can use that, right. It's like, no, that's like, it's a reclaimed word. And, and I, you know, I feel part of kind of movement. And I think it's also like, interesting as a trans non binary, more effeminate, masculine person to blame the word faggot, right? There's so many layers. And at the same time, it is a slayer that's been used against me and against other people right in the community, and have somewhere to you know, different and similar to the words to say different ways. And it's like, you know, how do we take our power back from like, the queer phobia? The misogyny, right, the trans misogyny, the transmisogyny, wire, like all all the things that, you know, you've experienced that other folks experience? So it's, it is a fine balance, but I think there is power in reclaiming slurs, right. And yeah, yeah. And I actually love that. I was like, Yeah, let's talk about it. It's like, it's important. There's

Dean FM: 14:47

nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Alex Iantaffi: 14:52

And what is it like to really like, you know, take it back and be like, Yes, this is why I am right. Yeah, I remember you know, somebody shouting on the street Fagre me when I was holding hands with a partner and turn around I went Thank you, and they were like, wow, that is not the reaction that we're expecting Right? Like I feel so gender affirmed right now. And also I know you were trying to hurt me, but I'm not gonna let you my I'm just gonna take my power and whatever way I can as we do. And let's so let's talk about this. You know, you say you stand for compassion, courage and equality, which totally comes through your beautiful music and you know, so I can literally see our reclaiming their power as part of this courage and compassion? And what is that fires you up at the moment? What is the thing that really gets you up in the morning and you're like, This is the thing that I need to keep pushing for. And I feel at the moment, I don't know if that's how you feel, but it's a happy moment, there have been many happy moments. You know, in history, of course, and this is one of those. And so I'm interested in what fires you up right now and what makes you makes that creativity flow for you right now?

Dean FM: 16:09

Well, my, my, my initiatives for my brand, as far as, you know, what makes me when I think it's important to talk about Black trans woman, and the people of trans People of Color to, again, but like, black trans woman, specifically, because of my interlink and with the, and how much they've been murdered, and how that has exponentially gotten worse. Over the last four years, specifically, select things like that. Not include gun control, because most of those are done by people with guns. So you know, it's that gun control. Yeah. And like, and, yeah, just overall violence and things like that, that breaks my heart. And as somebody who has a platform, and who has a, a significant privilege level compared relative to, you know, the world, I think that it's important that regardless of how I feel, regardless of you know, depression, and all these things, that I still get up in on it, and I try to make some sort of, you know, change with that.

Alex Iantaffi: 17:18

Absolutely. I mean, it is the level of trans legislation that has been introduced across the country in the last four years, the level of you know, of course, the ongoing systemic racism, police violence, really, it's, it's, yes, it's heartbreaking. And I can only imagine how much more heartbreak and exhausting it is for you as a, you know, trans feminine non binary person of color black trans woman, you know, and so, yeah, I really, I hear that, but sometimes all we can do is like, when we get up and we keep fighting for something better. So while as you do this, what brings you joy? What ways? Are you nurturing yourself? That's the question. I'm asking a lot of trans non binary and gender expansive folks at the moment, because I feel like it is a heavy moment. So as well as fighting for justice and liberation, which absolutely, how can we not for our community, what kind of helps you feel supported and nurtured and cared for? And, you know, finding moments of joy? How are you finding your joy and nurturance nowadays?

Dean FM: 18:31

Well, I think one thing that is, first of all, the most responsible advice to people would be like to therapy therapy is what I'm doing. And therapy is helpful to me right now. And is, you know, aside from that, just working on my, my health, my physical health, with exercising and things like that, I understand it's not that it's not easy for people who have depressive tendencies to paralyze, you know, so it's fine. You know, and you shouldn't shame yourself for that, if you don't, if you're not able to get those things done. And, you know, I like to take, yeah, I have my own, you know, struggles in that it's not, there's not really any direct fix for me, for for the, you know, the, you know, what, let me just close it, like, I have depression, anxiety, but it's not, but you know, like, it's, there's no real, you know, fix for, for that, but, you know, working every day to do something better picking vitamins, you know, knowing knowing every day even, even if even if I take my vitamin that day, I know that I did something, you know, I just something I shouldn't, I shouldn't hate myself, in trying not to hate myself. I mean, this this sounds like a terrible place, but like trying not to, you know, try not to take things out on myself and to go slow, even though I know that, um, um, stuff, you know, I'm, I'm not doing my best to not think over to overthink too much. And, you know, to again, look at my art coping and, and yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 19:59

no, that makes sense. I mean, it's a delicate balance, right? It's like, we know that, of course. I mean, I don't know anybody who's trans was not experiencing depression and anxiety, because of the world we live in. Right. And again, I think when you're brought up with a, you know, historically, marginalized identity, it's hard to find that kind of confidence and self love because you have a world like hating on you and so in so many different ways, right? So it's kind of that balance, like we fight for justice, and we also take care of ourselves and sometimes there are some days where my well I'm breathing and I'm drinking some water good enough, right? I'm here, tomorrow is a different day and I can do something different. And I think that's so important. I think there are other No, the world puts so much pressure on, like, you have to do all the things, right, you care for yourself and you care for others, and you have to be productive. And this only 24 hours in a day people. And we're also tired. I feel tired, right?

Dean FM: 21:00

Yeah. And it's important to, you know, to take, you know, to know that and to know, your, and I want to say know, your limitation, but to know, like, that this is something that's gonna you know, I don't know, it's not, it's not something that you should. It's not necessarily it's like a blame thing, but it's more so like, making sure that you also hold some sort of standard to yourself, because if you like you don't fall, if you don't stand for something like you'll fall, you know, and I think that just just just taking it easy, but every little step, every little step is valuable. And it's should be celebrated to the eyes, because that's how I you know, so yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 21:42

absolutely. It's like, you know, I often ask myself, Okay, what's, what's in my control here? And what's outside of my control? Okay, taking care of myself, it's in my control. I'm doing the best I can. And even if it's like, the smallest step, like you said, it's still a step. Right? And sometimes, that's all we can do. And we do need to celebrate those moments because they are important. Absolutely. And, you know, I think being surrounded by so much transphobia is not easy, I think for for people right now. And I don't know if I don't even know if sis people really understand just the impact of the constant. Oh, there's another bill and other trans woman, usually a black trans woman or a trans woman of color murdered, right? It's, it's like a drip, drip drip every day? How can it not impact our mental health? Esteem?

Dean FM: 22:34

Yeah, right. And as queer people, it's so overlooked, I think, just the mental health issue that goes along with not only you know, just under being addressed, but also homelessness, and all those things in society is so just government doesn't care. Government doesn't care about a lot of things. So yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 22:49

ya know, it's becoming increasingly clear. Now, you can just be arrested for being houseless. And sleeping, which I'm like, sleeping should be a human right. I'm like, how, what is even? I mean, I know what is happening, what's always happened and what, sometimes my clients are like, Alex, do you think everybody has trauma? And I was like, Well, of course, I was like, it's a country based on like, an ongoing genocide, slavery, and capitalism was like, Oh, can we not or be traumatized in one way or another? You know, obviously, different ways. But of course, so well, and on that, on that happy note, you know, like, but we keep going, right, we keep going, and you are an activist, as well as a musician and an influencer? You know, and I think that, that's the, I don't know about you, but it's like, do you feel that the activism in a way, keeps you going, keeps you connected to community? Keeps you less isolated? I'm just curious about the role of activism in your life? And did it emerge through your music in a different way? Like, where did you get the passion to be like, I need to do something, I need to be active as part of the community.

Dean FM: 24:03

Yeah, with my music, the original purpose was not necessarily to even mention that I was queer. Like, that was not, that was not my intent. Originally, overtime, I was kind of taught to sorry about that. Like, you can't really, you can't really just not address that. It's not like that. But it's like, you know, also, like, advocate, like, that's where that came from. And I wanted to, it's important to have a community I think, when you're struggling with, especially if you don't have a supportive place, to have people around you, therapists are not, you know, have a lot of people around you, you know, that are either trans or just family that loves you. And yeah, that's those are always things that I think are helpful in this society.

Alex Iantaffi: 24:50

Absolutely, yeah. And finding our people can be so hard but so worthwhile, right? Because when we feel isolated, then that depression can feel even heavier, that isolation can really feed all this like anxious thoughts, too. So, you know, I really appreciate how open you are about mental health and that is part of your passion, right? And in other parts of your passion is gender neutrality, as you mentioned, in your bio, tell me more about what gender neutrality means to you. When you say that what what's the dream, right? If you could wave a magic wand and tomorrow we're leaving the gender neutral world that you dream off, what does the world look like?

Dean FM: 25:32

Like with gender neutrality, Yeah, definitely I do identify as genderqueer. He, he pronouns primarily. And I mean, to me, the whole point of the gender expression, and something that I really want to push is allowing everybody, not just queer people, everybody to be able to express themselves. That's what I want. Like, like, when I go out with my full face of black heavy stuff, or when I just go out to the supermarket, or when I go to like, like, I want a woman to look at me and say, okay, maybe I can wear some skin, you know, maybe this guy is out there doing this. So let's, you know, maybe I can encourage the women so even if they want to, if they want to not be ashamed, and not feel, you know, uncomfortable, and yeah, that's, that's primarily how I view that. And I also want, I would hope that one day there would be neutral pronouns for for everybody. It is very tricky, right now. Let that especially when it's like you don't know who you're talking to another the straight community, how they view us, it's hard for them to, to grasp the day, which is, you know, I don't know why, but that is that's though it's gonna be a struggle. But But I right now, I really just want to people to be more expressive, because that's going to be 1000s of years down the line. But I think right now, people are already doing it. People are already doing I want straight and I want straight men to be able to do what they want, you know, and so yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 27:00

I'm with you. I was like, I think that it's so constrictive to police gender the way we do and also just policing anything. It's messed up in so many ways. And so, yeah, that gender expansiveness, that freedom, just clothing, art, clothing, you know, hair, his hair, you know, I remember in like, a neighborhood email thread somebody going, how do you take care of boys long hair? And I was like, I guess the same as you take care of girls long hair. It's like it's hair. And they were like, Oh, I hadn't thought about it. And I was like, Yes, that's right. I was like, I was trying to have so much compassion. But I was also so puzzled. Because, you know, I was like, it is it's long hair. I mean, like, if they've asked like, how, you know, I've always had short hair. I don't know how to take care of long hair. Absolutely. I mean, like, my oldest loves hair braids. And I was like, I can't help you. I'm terrible at it. Like, let's find somebody else who can write, I've always loved my hair shorts. So I don't have a lot of practice with that. Right. But I think people have sought such weird ideas around, like, you know, even things that you know, how everybody has kind of making them gender, right, men's and bought, you know, men's clothes, women's clothes, boys, toys, girls toys, I'm like, or just toys, and clothes and makeup, you know, and accessories. And yeah, and even recently,

Dean FM: 28:27

I was talking about like, something like this, you saw some show. And it was like, You should have seen that there was somebody who's genderqueer, who's clear on them. Like, what, how did they say that right now? I just have a look. I'm like, Mom, maybe that guy does not want to be you know, that's kind of what I'm saying is that somebody shouldn't be looked at and doesn't even viewed as they don't want to be. And, you know, that's kind of Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of

Alex Iantaffi: 28:50

that was watching some standout by like some trans comics. And you know, one of them is like, you can be in a room with 50 people I can I think it was River oh my god, I can never Butcher I think it's like, you can be in a room with 50 people and there's like, 49 people, and then somebody goes, what are your pronouns? Right? Like, it's like, they're kind of getting singled out, right. Like I look forward to when it's so accepted that actually we ask everybody what their pronouns are, because we can't make assumptions you know about somebody's gender or sexuality just based on their mannerism or clothing. Absolutely. Wouldn't that be amazing? I want to be in that world one day, but probably not. Yeah, meats. Well, maybe in our lifetime, who knows there's so much that can happen. Right? And, you know, you say in your bio as well, that you really advocate for awareness of Minority Mental Health. And I know that like mental health and access to therapy can be so stigmatized. And so I'm wondering about, you know, what do you see that makes you passionate about be more open about mental health? What do you see in terms of stigma around Minority Mental Health specifically, that makes you passionate about this topic?

Dean FM: 30:12

Um, substance use to me is one of the biggest things that I feel like I can speak on in terms of mental health, due to seeing many people that are not just for people of color, but you know, in general, you know, that's something that I know that is. I've seen people in my own biological Family pass from. I had two sisters recently, two years ago that were biological who passed. And one was because of a, a potentially a substance issue and seeing 16, things like that, and you know, I mean, just just, you know, and also going through what I've gone through not only as an adult but as a child to being diagnosed at a very young age with ADHD do put on medication at what is it 11 or 12? Or, you know, it's starting to start to get off, then I think that not only in the, in the queer community, and this isn't color specific. This is not when I talk about mental health, I don't really mean color specific, except for the fact that we, it's like, we can't access it. And there's not much I can, you know, say about that, I think that there's a lot of systemic issues that are behind that, that need to be addressed. But with mental health, I always want to be an advocate. And by that, like, I want people to reach out if they want to reach out. And I like to talk to people and you know, about people, and I am a very much open book. So I don't mind being a voice in that sense.

Alex Iantaffi: 31:43

And thank you for being a voice because I think people do find it hard, right? And there's a lot of like, oh, people should reach out. And I'm like, and when people reach out, how do we react? And also, how can we kind of really make it common for folks to be like, Oh, I'm struggling with this? Or can you come over and do some parallel tasks with me? Right? Maybe I'll do my dishes when you while you answer emails, because we're both like struggling with that. Right? Can we just say, almost the law talks a lot about really dreaming about what this community care looks like, right? And that's something I'm really passionate about, right? Because I think that we all feel so isolated and disconnected because of white supremacy, and colonialism and capitalism. And so really resisting that narrative of isolation and nurturing community and building community is so important. I'm also so sorry to hear about your sisters. And

Dean FM: 32:35

yeah. Oh, thank you. I mean, about the Black. Really, I think one thing also that would be important to mention, is, it's a tricky thing to, for me to want to discuss the panel, because it's, I don't know if it's necessarily something that everybody should hear, you know, but but when it sounds like the Black community, I feel like there's an internal internal struggle there that's very severe, with with queer people and things like that, that also could affect mental health and, you know, being ostracized, and you know, and those things, you know, beat the stone to the stone, you know, thrown out the door, it's not necessarily mentally the best situation. So, yeah, I think that the Black really has a lot of issues not only come from being systemically oppressed in behind, but within the internal, not only the, the Black church, the Black church, we have a whole lot of has a whole lot of history there with exorcisms of queer people. Like it's a whole, it's a whole, you know, so. So there's a lot of, but it's not just the Black community as if, you know, that's causing the internal issues, but you know what I mean? Yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 33:39

I do and that Christian supremacy, you know, kind of world that sometimes we live in, and, you know, if it's not an inclusive Church, it can be really impactful. And, yeah, I agree with you. I mean, it's not just Black churches. It's also like, right, angelical, white churches, Baptist churches, I see this, you know, and then there's other systemic issues, you know, but, and I can totally understand the reluctance to talk about it, because I think there's a strong stereotype that sometimes, you know, Black community or Black churches are more transphobic, or queer phobic. And that has not been my experience necessarily. I was like, and queer phobia with white folks, too. But I think I was like, let's not deflect the issue. You know what I mean, but it's like, the reluctance as a both...and. Right? It's like, yeah, yeah. And, and it is tricky, because I think that, yeah, I think that it's always I think, sometimes I wonder, as a minoritized person, if I shared this vulnerable thing is going to be weaponized against me or my community, right? And so I don't know if there is also that feeling like things can get turned around and distorted. And so I'm always like, when I talk about things, I'm always like, oh, I want to share the thing. And also, I don't want it to come across wrong or to be used against me or my communities. Right. So I'm wondering if there's a little bit of that, which is totally understandable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

Dean FM: 35:04

that is because, you know, I don't want the Black community, I think that it's important that, you know, we're not be viewed as weak. I don't think that the community is necessarily weak as far as much as it is behind and I just, you know, yeah. Obviously, the Black community is where I was grazed. And so, you know, that's my people. You know, I just don't like to see that. We are having any sort of dilemma here. It's not it's not beneficial in this political climate. Certainly still. Yeah. Yeah,

Alex Iantaffi: 35:31

no, yes. And this political climate also just, I don't know, there are times where I'm like, Well, do I even want to be visible? Like, even with all my privilege as like a light skinned person, as a disabled person, as a trans person? It's like this. Not easy times to navigate.

Dean FM: 35:48

Like, No, believe me. My comments on YouTube, I could not handle this point, like, I'm still growing my audience. And right now, I'm just getting the Trump 2020 cores, you know, like all those.

Alex Iantaffi: 36:01

Yeah. Imagine, I'm so glad that you're kind of turned off those comments, because sometimes we were like, oh, and I'm like, no block away, you know, delete the comments, like, do what you need to do to protect your mental health, for sure, more visible because it's not a good environment right now out there. So I'm glad you're protecting your well being by turning off those comments. 100%. Yeah, yeah. Talking about your work and your visibility online? What are the projects that you're working towards? Any projects that you want to talk about, like, music that you're working on? Or? Yeah, what? What are you working on right now?

Dean FM: 36:42

Um, right now, I'm just kind of editing a music video, I haven't, I haven't come out with a music video in a while. So I'm kind of editing that taking a break from reaction content on YouTube for just for like, less than a week, to be honest. But like with the, because I, that's been over 40 videos, plus in that channel over the last like six months. So I, I have, I really wants to get in the act to queer content. It's all queer content. You know, it says, I like to do commentary on tech talks, commentary on, you know, the Jerry Springer show, but all trans episodes, you know, and those type of things and give my opinions and not necessarily be like the political thing, because I'm not a political person. I don't think I would be responsible to say that I am if I'm not well educated in that, but I still want to give like a positive you will maybe get some staff here where I think the CFO appropriate. So yeah, that's what they're doing. No, I

Alex Iantaffi: 37:35

hear that, unfortunately, sometimes existing as a minoritized person means being political inherently. Like I feel like just existing as a trans person is inherently political. You know, you existing as a black person on Turtle Island, is inherently political because of the systemic issues. Absolutely. Right. Like but, but I do love that, because, and I love how social media can really give us a way of being in conversation with popular culture. Right, I think just kind of that dialogue with popular culture. Well, I'm excited about the new music video. I can't wait to see that bad. Fabulous, do you know, more or less when it's gonna come out? So listeners can watch out for it?

Dean FM: 38:18

Yeah, it should be coming out this week. I mean, I'm working on it. Now. It's kind of like it's my own homemade music, because we're kind of like the biggest club, but it's not my major budget video. But it's like, you know, that's, it's coming out. So yeah, it's been coming out this week. And I still have more videos to watch by Sunday. And, you know, I try to try to I'm trying to stay up with it. But like, you know, yeah, I'm doing my best.

Alex Iantaffi: 38:40

It takes a lot of time and effort. Are you kidding? It's like, it's a lot to me content. So, you know, it's not easy to I think it's way more time consuming than people think. To get coal. Yeah. I don't know. Like, I feel like that 90, at least for me, 98% of God that that went out there. It's really a labor of love, you know, and kind of wanting to share people. Yeah. So Yeah. You said, there's a question that I asked everybody, when I interview them, which is, is there anything that we haven't talked about? That you would like to talk about? Or that you would like, Oh, I was really open to talk about that. And if there isn't, it's okay. But I always ask my guests goes on, like, if there's something we haven't touched on, we can talk about it, and take the time, you need to think about it. Um, yeah,

Dean FM: 39:28

I mean, I think just in terms of the, my gender queer experience, and what I would like to say about like, why I choose to identify as genderqueer a lot of people ask me, like, why aren't you a woman, you know, actually was identified as a woman. I feel like it's important for every trans person to take time to not if they don't know what the, what they want. I'm a very unsure person, I'm very confused. And I just, I didn't want to, you know, to make a decision that might not be the best for me mental health considered mostly, and I think there's nothing wrong with that. With being, you know, genderqueer in the middle, and just just experimenting with your appearance and stuff like that. And, you know, I urge everybody to be careful.

Alex Iantaffi: 40:19

I love that, you know, I'm like, yes, let's play with gender. Also, gender is a journey. Now remember, when I got my top surgery, 14 years ago, almost now, people are like, so you're gonna be a man now and I'm like, Nope, not gonna be a man still gonna be my A queer door self like not a man or woman, you know, just like there's this little puzzle piece that when I'm out in the world people are like, Ma'am, sir, I mean, sorry. And I'm so good relax. Like, you know,

Dean FM: 40:50

ya know, I definitely relate to that because I Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I relate to that because with, with, I want to start hormones, you know, I want to start hormones, but not for the fact of wanting to be a female. I just want more feminization. And you know, that's okay to people can people as long as you pass? Yeah, yeah, yeah, God, I

Alex Iantaffi: 41:11

love that. Because it's like people. And I'm like, and I'm a therapist. And I understand that people need to think through it. And all sudden, there are some things that you need to experience in your body to know if it's right for you. Even like I've been on testosterone. I think this is my, this is my third time over the last 10 or 20 years, right. And I have been on it and then stopped because I don't want to masculinize completely. But there are some things that are helpful, especially now with perimenopause. And I think people think about is, this is a decision. And then once you make it, there's no going back. And I'm like, No, you need to think about the impact and the consequences, but that you actually can try something, stop it. If it's not right for you, then maybe it's right for you five years down the line, or 10 years down the line. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm, I'm with you. Let's normalize gender exploration. And then let's normalize like, I want to try hormones and see if they're for me, because there's some stuff that we don't know until you experience it. You know what I mean? Like, I can think about it all day long. But it's only when I experienced it. I know what it feels like in my body. I don't know if I'm making sense. But no,

Dean FM: 42:20

that's that's good. Yeah, that's true. But it's true. Yeah.

Alex Iantaffi: 42:24

So I hope when you try it out, that you will give yourself whatever time you need to figure out what's right for you. Because I think that's also the beauty of being genderqueer. Is that, okay? I don't fit into a box, which means I get to, you know, I draw my own map of where I want to go. And it's a way if I'm yonder down one path, and then I'm like, you know, this is not for me, I'm just gonna turn around and go back and go another way. Like, I think that's great. Definitely, any, anything that you think if there's younger listeners, you know, maybe teenagers or young adults who are feeling in that more liminal space of like, I'm not sure I'm genderqueer. But I'm not sure you know, how to present myself or what to do, especially maybe young, kind of black gender queer folks, right? Any thing that you would want to say to them or share with them? Or? Yeah,

Dean FM: 43:27

it takes time for people around you to know what's going on. Like, I think, I think something that's important is, like, obviously, to me like this, if that, like, boy, if you want to talk to just like, I would just say that, but like in terms of like, be realistic, what society like, and what I would want people to how I want people to be saved, would be like to, to, first of all, if you're going to come out to know the political climate of your family, you know, to know what's how they feel about those types of things. And if you can start wearing makeup to do it, maybe gradually and, but don't don't like, throw yourself into situations that might be dangerous, like, if you're gonna, like it might be and you don't know, definitely, there's one or 2% We've got to be issues somewhere, somewhere there's gonna be issues. So just be prepared. And, and just go easy with yourself go slow and and to know that if you can't, if your family does not accept you, that's and that to find a community that does to find a queer support group before you there many of those in in Boston, I know. And I'm actually helping out with one I'm going to be volunteering without Metro West, which is a youth support group. So I'm doing so there's that and you know, find find people who who you relate to and also like to keep your situation in mind. And don't to don't go slow like you're just like you're just if you're under 18 Like you have your time and and to be safe, just be safe and be realistic. And it's hard to say that because I want everybody like I want a boy who's like listening if they want to wear just to just to pull out a dress. Let's like I think being careful is also like you know, worth worth worth paying attention to.

Alex Iantaffi: 45:20

Absolutely. I think safety is important and you know, I do dream of the day when it's not even an issue right? Like you said if a boy wants to wear a dress they can just put on the dress and not worry about safety back While it's an issue, I think that it makes complete sense. And sometimes when we're young, like safety is not our top concern. At least it wasn't for me. I know, I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations as a young person, you know, but I think, yeah,

Dean FM: 45:49

that to like be just be, be safe, be safe sexually Don't, don't be too active. Like, don't, don't do that when I did, which was I was 15 Go on dating apps, like talking to, you know, older guys don't do that. Don't, don't be you know, just just just stay in the kids stay being a child, like don't like just because we quit doesn't mean we got to do all this stuff. We can still have fun, you know? And yeah, yeah, just don't just be careful.

Alex Iantaffi: 46:17

There's a lot of time to do all this stuff. And it, you know, to young and older folks out there too. If you know, if something happens, and you're not safe, look for some support and some help, there will be people who have compassion and support to give you so I know, I feel lucky that there were people to give me support and compassion. And so I hope that the folks do find themselves in unsafe situation that they can talk about it with somebody and find that compassion and care somewhere.

Dean FM: 46:48

Yeah. So yeah, it saved my life going to the youth support group, because that was very helpful to me to have a youth support group, as well, when I was in high school. So yeah, me that's that's why, you know, just reach out, reach out. Absolutely.

Alex Iantaffi: 47:03

Reach out, find your people. Peer support is so wonderful. So I'm so glad that you had a queer youth support group, a school that was like that place for you. I feel like I could keep talking about with you about mental health, about music, but I want to be respectful of your time. But before we sign off, where can people find your work where they can follow you? You know, I'll put that in the Episode Notes too. But let's share the in the episode to like, where can they find you on YouTube and Instagram.

Dean FM: 47:35

It's at DeanFMofficial on all platforms. And the laptop if you just search for music it's DeanFM on all platforms, and then DeanFMOfficoal for social media.

Alex Iantaffi: 47:47

Wonderful. So it's also in the Episode Notes. So check out Dean FM's music is wonderful, and all his other content too. So thank you so much for today. I really appreciate this conversation. I really appreciate you and I really appreciate the beautiful content and music that you create. So thank you so much.

Dean FM: 48:10

Thank you, thank you

Alex Iantaffi: 48:14

and to your gender stories, listeners, you know, stay safe, stay creative, and stay expansive in your own life. And until next time,