I dropped off my son at the university this week. This can be a very difficult experience for the parents. It made me think of my own college experience. I was happy to be out on my own, however, I was just starting to get to know myself and as I think back it would have been a different experience if I had understood myself and my introversion better. Understanding my personality now allows me to make changes in how I do things, and how I approach situations. There are great gifts that come from introversion. I wish I had understood these things when I was in college, but I am happy I do now.
Books Referenced in this podcast:
Laurie Helgoe, "Introvert Power"
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David Hall [00:00:08]:
Hello, and welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I'm your host, David Hall, and the creator of quiet and strong.com. It's a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we'll air each episode on a Monday, and be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. So this week, we dropped off our son at the university. This can be a very difficult experience for the parents, for Sure. I don't know that we were ever gonna be ready to do this.
David Hall [00:00:51]:
I know he's gonna do well and have a great time, But we're gonna miss him. We're gonna miss having him around on a daily basis. This made me think of my own college experience. I was happy to be out on my own. College, to me, was a lot more fun than high school. High school had a certain form of peer pressure that it was nice to get away from and be more of myself in college. However, I was just starting to get to know myself. And as I think back, It probably would have been a different experience if I had understood myself and my introversion a little better.
David Hall [00:01:36]:
I was still a few years away from this understanding. I did understand how to be a better student after a time. I definitely got off to a rocky Start. And this was partially to understanding my introverted strengths and needs, but I didn't have that name for it yet. As I studied introversion extensively over the years, both in myself and others, here's a few things, My take on introversion, and I'm gonna apply it to what I was experiencing during my college years. And, of course, Whether you may be starting out as in college, maybe you have a child that's in college, maybe you don't, at any point in your life, Think about how can you apply to whatever's going on. So, of course, as introverts, We're naturally drawn to the inner world of ideas, and we have great imaginations. We spend more time in thought than we do focusing on the world outside of us.
David Hall [00:02:41]:
For me, this means I love to learn. I love learning things that are interesting to me, And it did take a bit of time to understand this that I could take the time and learn to study. It wasn't natural at first for me coming out of high school. And, of course, this applies now as I I feel like I'm a lifelong learner. I'm always learning new things to improve my work life, my Personal life continuously. Also, as introverts, we need some time alone to think and recharge. You need to know what causes your need for solitude. So when I was in college, I moved into the dorms with a stranger, somebody I had never met, very nice guy.
David Hall [00:03:38]:
But I didn't understand that sense of overwhelm when I needed some space. You know, back at home, I had had my own room. And now in the college dorms, it's very packed, and I couldn't find the space to be by myself often. And I didn't understand what was going on at the time. My next move, it was another shared room, And I had the same issues. I wasn't able to always find that quiet time, that alone time that I needed. For the rest of college, I did realize I'd be better off with my own room. I still live with some close friends, But having my own room to retreat into was so much better.
David Hall [00:04:25]:
Also during this time, I did figure out Some ways to be alone. Like, maybe I was close to the mountains, and I used to escape to the mountains from time to time. And sometimes people might think it's strange to go off and on a hike alone, but sometimes that's just what I needed. And, again, I had a lot of great times with other people, with friends. I had a few deep relationships instead of many casual coins, which is normal for introvert. And in this 1st year of college, I had a close group of friends, and we would do many things together. We had some good times. However, having every meal at the dorms Be a social occasion.
David Hall [00:05:13]:
It was tough and unusual. Again, at the time, I didn't understand what was going on, why it's strange to me. But in reality, I needed both close good friends and sometimes some space. And I definitely have that now where I need to spend time with family and friends, And I need some time on my own, and I I know that that's the way I function best now. So now I know Did I do better when I prepare in advance for meetings, presentations, speeches? I need to think ahead of time And think about what I wanna say, maybe do some research. I did figure this out for school. Again, I got off to kind of a rocky start, But I figured I did so much better having actually read the material in advance of class. I understood so much better, and I was so much more likely to have something to contribute to the conversation.
David Hall [00:06:20]:
If you don't understand that, class participation can be rough for the introvert or even contributing in meetings if you don't understand that It really does help to prepare. And often, I do need time to process answers to questions, especially complex ones. Sometimes you just gotta say, Let me think about that. Also as an introvert, we think before we speak. And looking back on my college days, I think, man, I coulda had some better conversations Understanding how I communicate, and and I do now. I, realize that I think before I speak, sometimes there might be silence. All very normal. Again, a little preparation goes a long way.
David Hall [00:07:10]:
And at the same time, I prefer deep conversations to small talk. I had some deep conversations in college for sure, but small talk could be quite awkward at the time. Small talk is necessary Inimportant, but by itself, that's not my goal, and that's okay. Ultimately, you have to decide who you'll be, and what you like. So I was thinking of a time when I went out to breakfast with a friend. We hadn't been to this particular restaurant before, So while we are being seated, my friend asked the server, what's good? The server proceeded to tell us her Top 3 Choices. As she left, I gave my friend a hard time and said, How does this stranger know what you like? When she came back, we ordered. He picked something she recommended.
David Hall [00:08:13]:
And when I didn't order from her top pick, she told me I was gonna be sorry. The reality was I knew what I like, and when my food came, it was very good. When she came around to check on us, She made a extra point to ask if mine was okay as if she expected me to send it back. To me, this was funny. I've been around long enough to know what I like, but I won't presume to tell you what you like bef because for some reason, We all have different tastes in foods and in many other things. And it can definitely feel like this for the introvert sometimes, Maybe for a social event like it did when I was back in college. Just like the server who assumed that because She likes something. I'd like it too.
David Hall [00:09:07]:
Our friends and associates also assume we'll like whatever they like. If you hear people tell us, you'll have fun at this party, or if you don't, if you don't go, you'll miss out, Or this networking event will be good for you. Or what do you mean you're staying home on your vacation? Again, What do you like? Doctor. Lori Helgo says, extroverts want us to have fun because they assume We want what they want, and sometimes we do. But fun itself is a bright word, The kind of word that comes with flashing lights and an exclamation point. One of Merriam Webster's definition of fun is violent or excited activity or argument. The very word makes me wanna sit in a dimly lit room With lots of pitless by myself, end quote. But what's fun to you? What is right for you? You know what you think is fun And what you don't.
David Hall [00:10:11]:
You don't need someone else to define this for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't try new things and change or expand your comfort zone from time to time, But I'm saying it's silly to let someone else define for us what's fun. And this is individual as no 2 people are alike. As an introvert, I may think something's fun, and a fellow introvert may not. I may like going to parties, but not as often as my friend. Or I may have another friend that doesn't go to parties at all. You know yourself, so don't let others define you. Coming to understand what makes me an introvert has made all the difference in the world for me.
David Hall [00:10:50]:
I used to have difficulty in some social situations Because I didn't understand myself and somehow felt less than. But understanding who I am And how I naturally function frees me to be who I wanna be. But my point is that no matter how comfortable I am in a social situation And regardless of whether I'm quiet in some settings, the things that make me an introvert will not change. What is at the core of my introversion is who I am. Understanding these things about my personality allows me to change in how I do things, how I approach situations. By learning who I am, I can learn the very best way to accomplish my goals. There are great gifts that come from introversion. I wish I had understood these things when I was in college.
David Hall [00:11:42]:
I wish I had understood that The way I approach the world was okay, but some understanding could make me even more successful and make it easier to approach the world. But I'm happy that I do now. So no matter at what stage you are, you can embrace who you are and those great gifts that you have, it honor those needs that you have. So what are your great gifts, and what are your needs? Let people know what those are. Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Email me at david@quietandstrong.com. Reach out.
David Hall [00:12:28]:
Check out the website quiet and strong.com. I'll add social media channels to the show notes. Please comment on posts related to this podcast. Send me topics or guests you'd like to see on the show. There's so many great things about being an introvert, so we need those things to be understood. Get to know your introvert strengths and needs, and
