The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

199. All About The Clitoris.. The Key To Unlocking Female Pleasure - Part 2

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Over 2 years ago, we did a podcast episode with sex and health expert Cindy Scharkey titled: It's all about the clitoris, the key to unlocking female pleasure which you can listen to HERE.

That has been one of the most downloaded episodes to date and has helped a lot of women learn to enjoy sexual intimacy. The statistics are crazy about how hard it is for many women to have an orgasm, largely due to not understanding what the clitoris is.. or how it works.

The sole purpose of the clitoris is for female pleasure. Sex is meant to be pleasurable for both spouses, yet the reality is that many women are not experiencing the level of pleasure they deserve. This can be attributed to a lack of knowledge about their own bodies.

Statistics and studies reveal fascinating insights into the complexities of female orgasm:

  1. Orgasm from Penetration: Approximately 82% of women cannot achieve orgasm solely through penetration.
  2. Never Experienced an Orgasm: A surprising 10% of women have never experienced an orgasm.

In this episode we share more insight as to why the clitoris is so important for female pleasure. We share things we have learned and tools that have been a game changer for our marriage and intimacy.

This is a great episode for both spouses to listen to that can truly help their lovemaking. Education about the clitoris is a powerful step towards unlocking its potential for pleasure.

If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 650,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!

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If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.

Amy:

You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.

Nick:

In this episode, it's all about the clitoris, the key to unlocking female pleasure. Part two we wanted to do another episode on this because it's been about two years since we had health and sex expert Cindy Sharky on with us and this is probably our most downloaded. Well, not probably, it is our most downloaded episode.

Nick:

Ever, Ever that people listen to, and it's something that I think we all need to learn more about, not only about men, but women, because it really is. The clitoris really is the key to unlocking female pleasure, and if you don't know about the clitoris or you're not stimulating the clitoris and your sexual intimacy, you're really missing out.

Amy:

There is a lot of women, very shockingly, that wonder why they can't have an orgasm every time with penetration and literally don't know much about how important the clitoris is with female pleasure.

Nick:

So in this episode we're talking all about the clitoris and we're going to try not to get too graphic on some of the things, but we'll do our best. I think this is a really important episode that is a must listen to for both husbands and wives.

Amy:

So we're going to start out. We wanted to take a poll about the clitoris and we asked I guess the husbands mostly husbands took this poll. But we asked how much do you know about the clitoris? Just to see if people really studied it or really read the articles on the app or all those. I mean just really tried to understand their wife's body and how important that is. So how much do you know about the clitoris? And this was a huge poll. This is another one of probably our biggest ones we've ever taken. 19% answered I know everything. I'm an expert.

Nick:

Good for those 19% 19%. I'm not.

Amy:

I wouldn't even consider myself an expert and I'm a woman that orgasms every single time.

Nick:

And I'm a man that's put together most of these articles and podcasts and I still and we talked to experts. I'm still wondering sometimes.

Amy:

Yeah, but that's awesome. That's awesome that you guys are so knowledgeable. Then 10% of our poll takers said I know nothing. Please help me. You have come to the right place. Hopefully we're going to give you. If we don't have answers, we're going to send you where to find them. And 71% the honest people, very honest said I'm in the middle. I could always know more.

Nick:

What they're really saying is that they don't know much about it, so they want to know more.

Amy:

Or they're just awesome husbands and they literally are open to learning and making it better all the time.

Nick:

That's right. Right, that's right.

Amy:

Because we can all learn something all the time.

Nick:

For sure.

Amy:

We never know everything. So, and then we asked what would you like to know about the women's clearest and arousal? And I got so many questions.

Nick:

Because we wanted to answer the questions that you had.

Amy:

Yes, Right, yes.

Nick:

We want to know what you want to know and answer those questions.

Amy:

Yes, so we got lots, but we're not going to jump into that right now because we're going to try and answer the majority of these in the podcast episode and what we have to talk about. So we're going to go over a couple stats. Do you want to do that about the clitoris?

Nick:

Yeah, I mean I think we've talked about this a couple years ago in the podcast as well, but over 80% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone. Meaning if you're just having sex penetrating, it's really, really hard for a woman to have an orgasm with just having intercourse.

Amy:

So the G-spot is a really hard spot for some to find and sometimes it takes mutual G-spot and clitoral stimulation at the same time even for the G-spot to give a really great orgasm. So we're not getting into the G-spot today, we're going to focus all about the clitoris. But that shows you 80% of women. Yeah 80% of women cannot orgasm with G-spot penetration orgasm alone, and I'm one of them.

Nick:

Yeah 100% Without involving the clitoris. And then another 10% of women have never had an orgasm.

Amy:

So I mean, that's no wonder they don't want it.

Nick:

Yeah, that's awful. I mean, imagine if you're a wife that has never had an orgasm and sex is just going to feel like a chore. You're like why am I not enjoying this? And if you're a husband that your wife has never had an orgasm or has a really hard time having an orgasm, that can be frustrating as well too, Because there is no question that we, as husbands, want our wives to enjoy sexual intimacy just as much or more than we do. I mean, that's every man's desire and dream. I think so.

Amy:

And every woman would probably crave sexual intimacy so much more If they got as much enjoyment for as long as their husband did every time.

Nick:

Yeah, yeah, and I didn't know this beforehand before doing the podcast with Cindy but the clitoris actually has a lot more nerve endings than the penis. It's a lot more what's the word I'm trying to use Can be aroused. It actually gets erect like the penis does with blood flow.

Amy:

Internally.

Nick:

And so, yeah, the clitoris reacts a lot like the penis and in fact, the only purpose of the clitoris is for sexual satisfaction, sexual gratification. That is, the only purpose that the clitoris has is for sexual fulfillment. So here a woman has been designed with a body part for sexual pleasure. Yet it's one of those things that very few people know about, or know, even women that we've heard from women that have never had an orgasm. They don't even know what that body part is on their body.

Amy:

That's so sad, but a lot of couples aren't taught a lot of this stuff.

Nick:

Well, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, don't you think there's really no education about the clitoris? I mean, all we're taught about is intercourse, right, Right. That's all we're taught about growing up. I think it's getting better, though.

Amy:

I think people are becoming more open. There's more podcasts, there's more information coming out. Obviously, they've created toys to help.

Nick:

Well, I think, too, that we're just meant to believe from what we watch or on TV that, oh, a couple is just going to have intercourse and it's going to be great for both of them. I mean, that's what we're led to believe. Like when I got married, I just thought, oh, intercourse. If it feels good to me, it's going to feel amazing to you as well.

Amy:

I didn't know that it didn't. Let's fix what you're saying, though Not watching. Yeah, correct, I'm just, but look Not watching, Not watching, Just saying like it always looks like, even in, like PG-13 movies or whatever.

Nick:

We're very careful about what we watch, you see a couple and it's alluding that they're making love and that they're both absolutely enjoying it. Completely, yeah, it just doesn't?

Amy:

It just shows you that both people always love to make love and they forget to. Obviously don't watch anything, but like, yeah, I'm not saying again, I'm not saying we want Just clarifying.

Nick:

I'm just clarifying yeah, everything is portrayed that sex is just wildly enjoyable for both.

Amy:

For both people.

Nick:

And it can be. That's the truth and it can be, but for most women it's not if the clitoris isn't being stimulated.

Amy:

Yes, which we're going to focus. We want every woman, every wife out there, to enjoy sex as much as their husband, like that's the goal, right? So let's jump into the clitoris. A lot of the questions we got in our poll. If I look over all of them in one, it's like every woman is so different. I mean, I guess I have to point that out first, because a lot of husbands are wondering why, like where is it? Is it always in the same place? Sometimes it works. Sometimes I touch her and it's too sensitive. Sometimes I touch her and I'm not doing it hard enough or it's in the wrong spot or hurts, or like like. I can tell by the survey that husbands are like.

Amy:

I don't understand it I don't understand how this works.

Nick:

This is so complicated.

Amy:

And it can be complicated when you don't know and you're not having that communication right, like a woman, like it's really your job, wives, to figure out what feels good to you, because your husband doesn't know. And yes, it's always the same spot on a woman, but everyone's bodies are so different. The clitoris sometimes is more, smaller or bigger or more sensitive or kind of hidden.

Nick:

And I would say, 80% of the time when Amy and I are making love, it's like, oh no, do this, or oh no, move it over here more, or oh no. Oh, that's too sensitive tonight yeah exactly like if she didn't talk to me I would have no idea.

Amy:

And I'm telling you, eight out of 10 times we have to adjust something or change something, or and it's not like my body part moves or changes, but I do think that it's a very, very sensitive body part that does require some specific attention. That is specific to your wife, Like I think. You can go read tons of articles on how to touch it, different techniques, how to arouse it, how to stimulate. Dose might not work for your wife that way, Like you have to talk to her.

Nick:

You could be a mad scientist and still not figure it out. It's so true.

Amy:

But it doesn't have to be that complicated. I think once you figure it out like you kind of I don't know, I feel like you get better at it with time, right?

Nick:

Yeah, no question I mean you talk about it, you communicate right you communicate Like oh, scoot over to this way. Or oh, don't do this, but do this. Or Absolutely. Touch me here, but not here.

Amy:

Not here. Not too hard, not too fast. Nope, that didn't work. Yeah, I get it. I can understand why husbands are like help, help, please. So a lot of husbands were asking for please give us tips and possessions for the best clitoral stimulation.

Nick:

Which we will.

Amy:

Which we will. I did have a couple of women ask. Often I'm am aroused easily and I can't orgasm easily, but afterwards my clitoris is kind of sore. Any advice I would say make sure this is probably one of the biggest tips I can ever give husbands. Being a woman is lubrication is always key, like key. Like don't get out the lube like halfway into the session, pull it out before you even start. It actually can help with even starting foreplay, even starting arousal, and if she's ever, if it's ever sore, and lighten up a little bit and use more lube. Like that would be my tip. I guess Nick can't give tips. I can't. You're gonna be doing more of the talk in this episode because I am not a woman.

Amy:

Okay, so I'm just gonna go over just a couple of these questions before we move on. Why don't the same strokes and areas work every time?

Nick:

That is a great question.

Amy:

I think that's a great question too. I literally don't know how to answer that. There are some times for me where what worked last time doesn't work this time, and I don't know if it's mindset, I don't know. If it's, I don't know. I'm gonna look into that one. I literally don't know how to answer that.

Nick:

Well, so we're gonna dive into this, but and I don't wanna jump ahead but for a lot of women, sometimes they need direct stimulation on the clitoris and sometimes they need indirect stimulation right Around it, not on it, because there is absolutely times where it can be so overly stimulated that it can hurt, and I think that men can relate in some ways too right.

Amy:

Absolutely yeah, Right Too much pressure or force or whatever can actually make it hurt, and it's the same way with us.

Nick:

That's why you just need to have that good communication. Like I said, Absolutely so.

Amy:

I got a lot of questions how to stimulate it perfectly, how to stimulate why, how and when to change gears of speed, how to make it orgasmic all the time, like a lot of these are all the same kind of things and, like I said, there's not like one exact answer for women because our bodies are all so different. It's like asking a husband what ways do you like me to touch you?

Amy:

I don't think all the husbands are gonna say stroke it this way touch it this way, do it this way, like I'm sure everybody has their own things that they like, and it's same for women, right?

Nick:

For sure. But to answer that question that they just asked and again I don't wanna necessarily jump ahead, I know we're gonna talk about this, but there's a reason there's sexual AIDS. We don't call them toys as much, but sexual AIDS. Like we've shared this in previous podcasts, like it has been a total game changer in our marriage. And I'm saying life changing, marriage, game changer yeah because sometimes your hands doesn't work or your hand gets tired, or sometimes certain things don't work, but this can stimulate the clitoris Like almost immediately, right, like there's some.

Nick:

There's some nights like Amy's like I don't need foreplay, I can be done in 30 seconds and I'm like holy smokes and like she totally beats me to the finish line and Sure you know, which is pretty amazing actually, because usually, obviously for women alone, we talk about the, the importance of foreplay, but there's seriously times that there's like zero foreplay and she can be stimulated like immediately.

Amy:

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, I'm just gonna full on agree with you. It's the vibrator that we have in our shop and there's. There's a reason. You want to just talk about it now, since you already kind of jumped into it.

Nick:

Yeah, yeah well.

Amy:

Yeah go ahead so for a woman, it's true, like there can be too much touch, it can be too hard, it can be too soft, it can be too direct. The thing I love about the vibrator and believe me, like there's a lot of people are like we're not buying toys. We don't believe in toys. It took us 15 years to buy one because I had so many Women be like. This was a game changer for us and I finally gave in and I was like, oh my gosh, they are right and it doesn't take away in any way, it's just an addition. But the reason that it's so great is because you can Put it on different settings. You don't have to use it as Internally. You can leave it on the outside, which is what I always recommend.

Amy:

Yeah, 90, 90 percent of the time, 99 it's. It's big enough that it doesn't focus on the one spot directly, but rather stimulates around it, and that's what I love is that it's just big enough if it's used on the outside.

Amy:

Just that vibrator sensation that most people like. The parts that you would put up inside, literally just play with it on the outside and it stimulates the area around the clitoris. That isn't too much, but not, but it is enough. And then you're hitting a bigger, wider spot, rather than having to focus on one spot, which can be very helpful to men.

Nick:

Well, we've heard, we've had a lot of men tell us that, oh, the only way my wife can orgasm is through oral sex, and the reason why that is is obviously stimulating the clitoris. So one of the great things that this vibrator also has is a suction thing on the end that simulates what oral sex would feel like. So if you're against oral, or you don't want your husband's mouth down there.

Amy:

If you're just not into that, which is totally fine. This actually can replace that. And there's a reason why these things work for women, right? Because oral, like, it's not too much pressure for the sensitive areas and it's almost like it is a natural lube, right? So with the vibrator, you just use some lube and then it's not going to apply too much pressure. I wish I could explain it better. It's just, it's really really awesome. It's life changing.

Nick:

Well, and I think, too, one of our concerns at the beginning was, like you know, using this aid it's going to take away from, like the sexual connection, right? Or we're now using an aid versus our bonds, right? Or me. And I know there's probably a lot of people out there that feel the same way, and that's one of the reasons why they may be hesitant. But one of the things Amy and I have figured out and I'm going to try not to get too graphic, but I think it can be really helpful is, when we're making love and having intercourse, we just slide that in between us so that it's on the outside and it's vibrating against your clitoris while we're making love, so we're able to make love just like we want to and connect, but then that's in between us, stimulating the clitoris at the same time.

Amy:

Which I can vouch for, takes, instead of it feeling good, like literally for two or three minutes when you're getting ready to have an orgasm, it can feel good the entire time, like I already said, like it literally changes everything, because penetration doesn't always do a whole lot of anything for what we said 80% of women so they do need that clitoral stimulation at the same time, which is changes the entire experience.

Nick:

Well, and it's basically just like a vibrating ring right, and we have vibrating rings and we've used those as well too, which they work. But what we found with this is because the the size of it's a little bit bigger and some women it's they don't want that direct stimulation or it needs to be outside that direct stimulation as well. This just seems to work better for us and I would say you know Amy's happy 100% of the time, right, like we've never had it not work.

Amy:

Absolutely, and I'm gonna get into mindset at the end. But if I'm not in the mood like it takes a lot for me to get in the mood or to get stimulated, which is a lot of women that we hear from but if I'm not in the mood and he pulls that out, if I'm willing to get in the mood physically, I know if he uses that the right way on the outside. I'm not talking about the inside, I'm talking about just leaving it on the outside it can work like super fast, super super fast and changes everything.

Amy:

Because when a woman how do I explain this? Like we want to feel that amazing feeling the whole time, just like a husband does, like we've had these conversations like how how many minutes? Like say your sessions 45 minutes, or say 30 minutes? How many minutes for you? Does that feel amazing?

Amy:

the whole time, yeah, pretty much most of the time, yeah and if a woman's clitoris isn't stimulated, we're not feeling that amazing aspect, that really really like that feels amazing aspect until we get 20, 25 minutes into that and some women can orgasm really quick when they finally get there, but it's like, oh, thanks for the three minutes.

Amy:

So it changes that whole, like I want to feel it being as good as long as you're feeling that right yeah, and that's what makes it awesome, so we're going to jump in to the best positions for clitoral stimulation we're not going to get into details on these, obviously, but you can.

Nick:

For those of you that have the app on iphone, you're going to be able to go to these positions and, um, find them. But here are the. Here are the top five positions, the best positions for involving the clitoris, and yeah, I mean for stimulation for her, for her yeah. So the number one is, uh, the reverse grinding the corn sex position. Um, this is a wife on top and belly to belly. It's kind of like missionary but a little bit different.

Amy:

Uh, but this is a great position to really stimulate the clitoris and, yeah, it's awesome and so we're not going to get into one on time, but you can go research these, jump on the app if you. If you have android, we have our card decks. If you want to email us, we can give you a list, I guess yeah, for sure right, we're willing, we're here to help, so yep.

Nick:

The second one is, uh, the cowgirl sex position. Uh, that's, that's a really good one. Honestly, that's probably my favorite there's something about.

Amy:

So the reason these positions usually work better is either because they enable you to have penetration yet either have, like, your hand available so that you can use vibrator or your hand, or because your um pelvic bone is pushed really hard, which can also help applying that right it's like. It's like a pressure point from both angles yep um. The next one is the doggy style sex position, where you already know what that means. That can be great with the vibrator or your hand. Um, husband, let's see that.

Nick:

One husband on his knees yeah, this one, check that one out. This one's called the best view sex position another really good technique. And then, finally, is the super eight sex position. These are kind of the five top sex positions for clitoral stimulation.

Amy:

So again because of that pressure point with the pelvis that really I don't know. It takes time to figure it out and take don't need to see, don't you think?

Nick:

yeah, we don't need to go over those over the podcast and get into graphic detail, but go check them out on the app. Um, look for those positions, like Amy said. If you have any questions, uh, email us as well and we can point you in the right direction we do have a ton of articles about techniques.

Amy:

Like we're not going to get into techniques and all this kind of stuff on there. That's why we created the app. So go into the resources section of the ultimate intimacy app. We have some oral techniques, we have techniques to help with the clitoris and then positions that are bad.

Nick:

We just have a lot of expert articles like written by experts that can help you tons of techniques, tons of techniques as well for oral yes so also, if you go on to the ultimate intimacy dot com and you type in the search on the blog, just type in what are the best sex positions for women, it'll also pull up this list as well oh yes, yep, on the blog.

Amy:

Um, the next thing I want to talk about, which, which is a lot of the questions we also got in the poll, my wife has been good about explaining what feels good to me. My wife says she feels nothing when I touch her down there. Like a lot of these answers or questions can be answered with communication and although we would love to like help you answer those, a lot of them like you have to talk together, like you have to be having those conversations, like we already said, because her body is going to be different, she's going to like different things, so just can't reiterate how big communication on this is for sure, and again I'll, I'll reiterate if you haven't tried a sexual aid, what like, such as a vibrating ring or a vibrator, and you're hesitant about that, I'm telling you it is a game changer.

Nick:

And whether you get it from us or whether you get it for someone else we don't care? We don't care. We just want to help you in that area. The only reason we every product we promote in our store is something that we use and we stand by Absolutely. We found something that works great for us and we're sharing it with you.

Amy:

We have had a few people write us and say the vibrator is a little big, it's a little big and I would agree with that.

Amy:

I think the reason it doesn't bother me is because we do use lubricant. I have, I've had kids. Everyone's bodies are different, just please know that but the most, like we said, most of the time it's used on the outside, like I have found that the vibrator being used on the outside instead of internally is huge, and I think most people when they buy a vibrator they're like I have to stick it in and then this part touches the clitoris. Like you don't have to use it that way. Like nobody really talks about this. Yeah Right, so play around with. It Can always also be used kind of to massage the areas and just super great. Um, let's finish on mindset. Mindset is key to unlocking. I'm going to put that above clitoral stimulation. Mindset is becomes first, it is number one.

Amy:

If you think sexual intimacy is just for him, that's going to hurt your marriage. If you think that you can't enjoy sex as much as him, that's going to hurt your marriage. If you are not sex positive in your marriage, it'll probably destroy your marriage. Like I think they say always that a woman's biggest sexual organ is her brain and I 100% stand by that. When you are willing to get in the mood because everyone's like I'm not in the mood. I mean, every woman's going to be like I'm not in the mood, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm worn out from the kids, I'm not craving it. I'm sorry. You can find every excuse in the book to never want to make love to your spouse, but when you're positive about how much sexual intimacy can help and change your marriage and it starts in the brain, I'm willing to get in the mood. That changes everything in your relationship and it starts with just being positive about it.

Nick:

Yeah. Yeah, I agree, it's easy for me to get in the mindset, so I don't know what it's like.

Amy:

Nick's. Just like I have nothing to say.

Nick:

Yeah, I have nothing to say on the mindset. My mindset is always good. I'm always in the mood to make love to you and it's pretty easy to get in the mindset.

Amy:

There's a lot of husbands, though, that are the lower drive in their marriage. I'm like we hear more and more in this, so it's important for husbands too. I mean sexual intimacy. Mindset whether you're a wife or a husband is huge for your marriage.

Nick:

I totally trust you. Anyways Is that it Are we wrapping that thing up?

Amy:

Well, I didn't get all the answers, but I could answer questions all day long.

Nick:

Yeah, just go to the app.

Amy:

Download the ultimate intimacy app. We created it with experts for a reason to help the sexual and emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Nick:

If you go into the app and go under anatomy, you can find out where the clitoris is and then you can go into the techniques section and find out what are the best techniques to stimulate the clitoris Really. Just spend 10 or 15 minutes and become familiar and, like I said, if you feel like you need a good sexual tool that can be a game changer for your marriage, most likely go check out what we have in shopultimateintimacycom. We have some great products and they truly can be a game changer in your sexual intimacy, just as they have for us. So we hope all of you have enjoyed the podcast and appreciate you listening and until next time we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.