The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
Nick and Amy are the creators and owners of the Ultimate Intimacy App and brand. They dive into all the tough topics regarding sexual and emotional intimacy, and discuss the things that most couples deal with regularly in marriage, that are seldom talked about on other podcasts. They are raw, unscripted, personal, and Nick will most likely say things he will regret ;)
They have been married over 22 years and have 4 kids, 3 dogs, and share their own life experiences and trials that have helped them transform their own relationship. They are on a mission to help couples not just survive in marriage, but thrive in marriage.
Their podcast is focused on helping you find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Also, for a great resource to help transform your relationship, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App at ultimateintimacy.com
The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
272. The Ways To Be More Attractive To Your Husband... And We Are Not Talking About Physically
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Your first thought is that this is a podcast on how to be more physically attractive to your spouse... right? Wrong! This podcast episode focuses on the various other ways to be attractive to your husband, such as self-confidence, and other ways like:
- Initiating romance and intimacy
- Communication in and out of the bedroom
- Taking care of yourself
- Surprising him, being spontaneous - doing fun things together
- Having a positive mindset about intimacy - prioritizing it!
- Sense of humor
Your husband is already physically attracted to you, and that is one of the reasons he fell in love with you. In this podcast episode, we discuss the "other" ways to be more attractive to your husband.
If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 700,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!
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Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
Speaker 1You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
Speaker 2Ladies, it's the ways to be more attractive to your husband.
Speaker 3And husbands. We want to know if you agree with these.
Speaker 2And we're not necessarily talking about like physically. We're talking about like there's a lot more ways for a woman to be attracted to her husband. When Amy does certain Attractive. Attractive. That's what I meant. When Amy does certain things, she's already looking hot, but when she does certain things I'm like hot, but there's when she does certain things, I'm like oh yeah, giddy up.
Speaker 3Do you want to get us started on this and say what?
Speaker 2Oh, there's too many to list. Okay, that's very nice of you and we're going to dive into them, and then I'll do a thumbs up and like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3I'm just rolling my eyeballs right now, Nick, because I know it's day four and he's just trying to compliment me a little more today.
Speaker 2Dude, you do look sexy. Stop it, man.
Speaker 3It's day four. That's why. Okay, they all know what I'm talking about, you know?
Speaker 2Day four. What does day four mean? I don't know what she means. You know, they know exactly what we mean.
Speaker 3All I know is she's okay anyways, um, yeah, so like I he said, he said, we said, he says that we say it together we were. We were holding hands as I said it, so it was we um, being attractive to your husband or for your husband is not all physical, like I don't want to get. This is what you need to do to be attractive. Like that's not what we're talking about there's many things.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean that doesn't hurt, but well, we'll get there.
Speaker 3We'll get there. I think that's important too.
Speaker 2Get there, and then we probably better do one on husbands how to be more attractive to your wife oh, absolutely because. So we don't get all the the hate mail like why are you talking? Absolutely so. We don't get all the hate mail Like why?
Speaker 3are you?
Speaker 2talking about things that are.
Speaker 3I don't think we've ever really gotten hate mail, but we could get it if we don't make this fair right.
Speaker 2It's all about fairness.
Speaker 3Okay, you ready to jump in here?
Speaker 2Let's dive in.
Speaker 3One thing that makes a woman super attractive to her husband is when she shows gratitude and appreciation. Did we just talk about that last?
Speaker 2episode we did.
Speaker 3Literally the last episode. But isn't that so attractive to you?
Speaker 2Oh, no question, Like when you say thank you so much, sweetie, that was awesome, thank you so much, sweetie.
Speaker 3That was awesome, or yeah, I suck at that too.
Speaker 2I guess I'm just yeah, that's very attractive. I'm like, oh you're welcome.
Speaker 3I gotta do better at that. Let me thank you. Let me thank you. Um, I just I want to touch on this one. It's about being positive instead of like a pessimistic I pessimism pessimism, you got pessimism is really unattractive I agree and we've all been there, we've all been ornery or angry or negative or we've all had to do the nagging. Women are good at nagging, but I think when we can catch ourselves and be like you know, that is not very attractive. It's funny. You say that. I just saw a video.
Speaker 2I think with an author yesterday and she was on, I think when we can catch ourselves and be like, yeah, no, that is not very attractive. It's funny you say that I just saw a video, I think, with an author yesterday and she was on Jill Rogan or something, but she was saying how, when, exactly what you're saying when you're pessimistic and you start feeding on that it just makes you worse and worse and worse and worse.
Speaker 2And, like people that have depression is oftentimes because they're always just so pessimistic and focused on the negatives for sure, and they, almost like, make the situation worse and worse and worse, because that consumes their whole life we know people like that absolutely yeah yeah, we totally know people like that. Even though their life is amazing, they literally can't see it yeah, they just think they focus on the one negative and that one negative. You would think that their life was just like the worst life ever.
Speaker 3And it's very unattractive. You're like, you're literally annoying. It's not attractive, yeah, so I think, wives, and believe me, all these things can go the other way. We know that, like most of our podcasts, if we say one, it can mean both. Yeah, you know what I mean. It can definitely go both ways can mean both.
Speaker 3Yeah, you know what I mean. It can definitely go both ways. But yeah, like wives, if you are always nagging and always negative, I I know you're gonna be like, well, there's a deeper reason why nagging, like I know I know that is.
Speaker 2That's a deeper issue, very unattractive, but it's very unattractive yeah, there's nothing more unattractive than your wife constantly nagging no, no, um.
Speaker 3The next thing I want to talk about is what's very attractive to your husband is when you initiate keeping the romance alive in the marriage, like not always expecting him to do all the romantic things. Because we took a big poll it was months ago, I don't remember when it was or what the answers were, but I cannot believe it was on romance in marriage. I couldn't believe how many husbands were like I want to be romanced.
Speaker 3Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I want to be romanced yeah, and that doesn't always mean sexual things, but that could be like physical touch that could be massaging, that could be planning a date night once in a while too yeah, I coming from a man, I cannot tell you like how amazing it is when you just initiate.
Speaker 2Like I wish I could put it in words or like have you feel how it is and I think most men feel that way like when your wife initiates, whether it's intimacy or whatever, like it is, like just awesome, so don't underestimate the importance of that. Like that is so attractive, like a man immediately feels like oh, my wife's into me, like she loves me, like it just reassures Because, whiz, men feel love completely different than the way a woman feels loved.
Speaker 3Kind of Kind of. We do I think you're a lot more alike than we think. But yeah, kind of um, if we talk about initiating romance, I think this can be outside and inside the bedroom, like, like you said, like sexually, yeah, it's awesome when a wife initiates like we get a lot of husbands that are like that never happens, that would make my life right. But even out of the bedroom, like just romance, like leaving well, this goes back to appreciation, but leaving your spouse a thank you note or or just doing something romantic.
Speaker 2Just even just coming up and giving a big, long hug and saying you know how much I love you and appreciate you like that, that would be amazing too like, just that would be amazing thing.
Speaker 3Never gets it. Let me, that would be amazing. Hold on, I better edit that?
Speaker 2That is amazing. Hold on, let me. Did I edit that part, right? No, so hey look, we're just like all of you. We are striving to be the best that we can be for each other, and it's a lifelong process it is. We are striving to do things just like everyone else is doing things, and there's areas that we both fall short in.
Speaker 3There's areas that we we try really hard not to be hypocrites, but there are things that we are not very good at but that's okay.
Speaker 2We're we. We strive to do better in every way and we're going to fall short sometimes.
Speaker 3That's okay I, I try my hardest, I fall short, so do I I fall short um, the next thing that a husband finds very attractive of his wife is when she communicates openly and honestly inside and outside of the bedroom.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, yes, yeah, for sure yeah.
Maintaining Attraction in Marriage
Speaker 3I think it's attractive Not just let's talk sexual for a minute first when a wife can say this feels so good. I love it when we do this. I wish we could do this more. I love it when you touch me like that.
Speaker 2Attractive Done deal.
Speaker 3When a woman is like Not a woman, a wife, a woman is like not a woman, a wife, is closed off and I don't want to talk about that I don't really want to do. That I don't want to try that like just get it over with. Probably not very attractive in that nature. Yeah, act interested act or be interested act and be interested.
Speaker 2I mean, even if you're fooling us.
Speaker 3Act interested and attraction on both sides outside of the bedroom. Honesty, communication, vulnerability that's like a given right, Like that's attractive to be able to have healthy, awesome, vulnerable conversations.
Speaker 2Yeah, for sure that's very attractive. I love having those deep conversations. That's very attractive.
Speaker 3And a lot of husbands. I don't know if they feel the same way, but I would hope so. I would hope so, I would think so Okay, very attractive, yes or no, when the wife supports his goals and dreams.
Speaker 2Oh, very attractive Thumbs up.
Speaker 3Thumbs up.
Speaker 2Absolutely.
Speaker 3I think that's really, really, really important to support your husband and just be his biggest cheerleader in life and whatever he's doing. I think that's I don't know.
Speaker 1I think wives feel the same way right.
Speaker 3Okay, we are going to talk about physical attraction right now. Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but taking care of yourself. Okay, let's, this is going to go both ways. Before I get like can I?
Speaker 2can I interrupt you real quick?
Speaker 3I'm going to forget on this day. But okay, go ahead, go ahead good nope, go ahead and what you're gonna say already. Good shoot.
Speaker 2Okay, I was just gonna say, as we're jumping into physical attraction, I want to point out first that the majority of your husbands out there think you are the most beautiful person in the world, regardless of what you think of yourself. They married you. They love you for who you are. They love you like I think. Oftentimes women think they have to look a certain way or things like that for their husband to just be really attracted to them. That's not the case. A husband thinks you are amazing and beautiful and he wants to be with you and you are the only one that he can be with.
Speaker 3So I just want to say that before, like we jump into that no, that's really, really, really important, and I just wanted to add to that that self-confidence is huge. I think self-confidence is very, very attractive if you're a husband or a wife. Yeah, like, own it, like this is who I am, you chose me right, so what?
Speaker 2if you don't have the perfect body that the world says is perfect. That's not what your husband wants. He doesn't want the perfect body, he wants your body, which is the perfect body to him, absolutely. Yeah, so own it, be confident.
Speaker 3Confidence is attractive 100%. But talking about staying attractive, I think it's important that spouses don't let themselves go Like. That's not really fair and that's not really commitment Agreed 100%. And I'm not saying you have to look perfect, but there's a lot of couples like maybe one of the spouses gets depression really bad and then their weight goes to crap, and then their diet goes to crap.
Speaker 3and then their diet goes to crap and the weight gets worse and it just Completely let themselves go and they just let themselves go and they're like I'm not getting ready anymore, I'm just going to wear my pajamas every day, I'm not going to brush.
Speaker 2But hitting back on what we're talking about, the reason why that's not attractive is because they've given up on themselves, Because of negativity.
Speaker 3Yeah, they've given up on themselves Because of negativity.
Speaker 2Yeah, Because they aren't confident, Like that's the whole thing. It's not that they necessarily. It's more so that they've completely given up and they're not even trying.
Speaker 3Right, I was sitting I can't remember what it was. It was kind of when, like it was probably 20 years ago when we were more newlyweds. But I remember sitting in a vent and this lady like this is how long ago, but it totally like made an impact on me. She was talking about being a good wife and she went over all these different kind of things. But she's like it is so important for me to stay attractive to my husband and she's like this is what I do every night before, like evening before he comes home from work. She was a stay at home mom. She's like I go in the bathroom five minutes before he gets home.
Speaker 3I know when he's going to walk in the door, I put on some red lipstick, I make sure my hair looks good, I make sure that I look presentable and when he walks in, I just want to look nice for him. I want him to smile and be like lovely honey. And I'm not saying you need makeup or any of that kind of stuff. I'm just saying that was one of her pieces of advice that she's like I want to look good for my husband and I fully agree with that. Whatever that looks like to you, it doesn't take makeup, it doesn't like whatever that looks like to you. Getting ready and looking nice for your spouse. Your whole marriage is really important and you're going to have days where that never happens. That's fine. But every once in a while, like at least on date nights, get ready for each other, like put some energy into it. That's what your spouse wants, that's what's attractive.
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 3I'm sorry. Like a wife expects that too. So don't say that you don't Like. You don't want your husband to just let himself go either. Right, you do these. To stay physically attractive, you need to exercise regularly. That's good for your mental. That's good for your physical. That keeps you in shape. Being social, going out with your friends once in a while helps your mental. That's good for you. Reading, dieting if you need to, or just eating properly, nutrition like we are what we eat, right. So when you let yourself go, you're letting a lot of things go. You're doing damage not just yourself, but your quality of life, your quality of marriage, your quality of your kids.
Speaker 3Lives like this whole attraction thing is really important. It's really important anyways. Confidence is key. All those things help you be confident in and out of the bedroom yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly what you're saying yeah, um, the next thing I want to touch on is staying adventurous together and having fun and making I just wanting to be together and do fun things together. Like that's attractive when your wife is into that.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think that is one of the most important things. Like I told this story often, but when you surprised me and we went to Vegas, like I still think like that's one of the funnest times I've ever had in our marriage.
Speaker 3And we hate Vegas, like we live too close to it and we don't like it. But it was the fact that we just got away.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was fun, spontaneous. We had no idea what we were going to do, we just did it together. We just had an amazing few days together, and so I think it is very important to continue to do fun things together. I I probably driving me crazy, cause I like to, depending on anyways. He likes to get away, I like to get away.
Speaker 3There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what.
Speaker 2I live for right is having those adventures and those different times with Amy.
Speaker 3One-on-one.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3The next one is just maintaining your sexiness. I think this what I want to talk about is intention, an intention to be sexual Like. I think that's really attractive to most husbands.
Speaker 1It really is.
Speaker 3I'm not saying you have to look sexy. I'm talking like state of mind, like intimacy is important in our marriage. I'm going to prioritize it. I want it to be exciting and fun. I want our marriage. I'm going to prioritize it. I want it to be exciting and fun. I want it, I want our marriage to be passionate.
Speaker 2That's what I'm trying to say I think what you just said is really important just showing that intimacy, sexual intimacy, is important to your marriage and prioritizing it is means so much to me as well, too. Right like and any husband yeah, like that is very attractive to like. It sends the message as a husband to like hey, my wife's still into me, like she still loves me, she still wants to be with me.
Speaker 2That way right so I, I, yeah, I like, like that a lot the way you worded it and I don't think it's just like initiating, or it's more just like it's more your attitude towards sexual intimacy right, rather than having like a negative attitude, like we got to do this again. It's having an attitude, like you said, that encourages or makes sexual intimacy feel like a a positive, connecting thing for the relationship, rather than oh, we got to do this again.
Speaker 2Or a negative thing like just for sure just that positive outlook, that positive out perception, that positive mindset, I mean, even if you're not fully there, just the fact that you're willing to try to get there because you realize how important it is.
Speaker 3Oh, absolutely. I hope that came across the way I made, but yeah, it's really about my like having a track, like being attractive in the fact that you have a positive mindset about being intimate. Yeah, it's really just that simple Right Um.
Speaker 3The next one is it's attractive to most husbands that their wife um is affectionate and wants to have that physical touch in the marriage and not I don't think it's just men that have the physical touch love language. I think that most husbands, whether that's their main love language or not, really appreciate physical touching.
Speaker 2I think it's just more of a husband thing, yeah, and like Amy said, it doesn't have to be sex Like just coming up and giving a big hug or a kiss on the cheek or walking by and smacking your butters. You know what I mean. Just something like. Playful, playful, showful showing that, hey, I'm still into you.
Speaker 3I'm into you. Well, that's what most husbands say they want. Right Is to feel desired, and that's a great way to show that. The next one I have on my list is it's attractive when a wife prioritizes quality time, which means to me I'm going to change this to my own putting your phone down and paying attention to your husband. Attractive, yes.
Speaker 2Very attractive.
Speaker 3Very attractive. Because, we hear from so many couples that are just like my wife won't put her phone down, she'd rather scroll. Okay, so picture this Like there's so many videos and stuff going on like this, but a couple is sitting in bed, their kids are asleep, it's time to just relax, and both people are on their phones which happens to us all which we, we're all guilty we're totally guilty of but what is the most attractive thing a wife can do at that moment?
Speaker 2put her phone down and like just snuggle, let's cuddle. Yeah, let's cuddle yeah because that shows what yeah, it shows that you desire me and you want me and you love me, and yeah well you're.
Attractive Qualities for Husbands
Speaker 3I'm more important than your phone absolutely. It's just that simple, absolutely super attractive and the more I look at this, I'm or think about all these things. I'm just like we want the same things. Yeah, they want the same things. Um, the next thing that is most attractive to husbands is respect.
Speaker 2When a wife is respectful as a person and as a wife to him so I was reading something and it was quoting some scripture as well too, and I I forget the scripture, but it was basically saying a man should love his wife and a wife should respect his, her husband mm-hmm it doesn't say a wife should love her husband. Man. This has been talked about many times how a man wants respect more than love a man that's how they feel up yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2a man desires to be respected more than he desires love, because that's how he feels loved, and so I think that's extremely attractive. When you show that you respect your husband and it can be so many different ways that is very attractive to a husband.
Speaker 3Okay, you heard it. The next one. It's very attractive to most husbands when their wife keeps a sense of humor and is more lighthearted and not naggy in the relationship.
Speaker 2Oh for sure, Like I, for sure, when you and I are joking around and laughing and things like that, like that is extremely attractive. Because marriage is supposed to be fun, right extremely attractive because marriage is supposed to be fun, right? Yeah, and it's fun to joke around, to be light-hearted and to tease each other and things like that.
Speaker 3So yeah, absolutely, totally agree, anything you would add. That's what I came up with I think that's a fantastic list. Yeah, I think it's once again just reiterating on the point point that it's not about looking perfect or being perfect. What's attractive, I think both ways is just that your spouse is intentional and is putting effort into the relationship. I think that's what's attractive.
Speaker 2You're exactly right.
Speaker 3I love you, and so I want to look good for you. I want to take care of myself for you. I want to keep dating you. I want to take care of myself for you. I want to keep dating you. I want to prioritize your needs. That's what sums all this up, right.
Speaker 2And if you go over that list, notice that pretty much maybe one or two of them had to do anything with like physical attraction. Everything else was outside of physical attraction.
Speaker 3And so those are hard to change if that's not natural for you, right?
Speaker 2yeah, and that should show you that your husband yeah, it's important to stay physically attractive, but that should just show you that they didn't just come up with this on their own. They obviously know what. Or we didn't come up with this on our own. They obviously know. We know what is more attractive to a husband.
Speaker 3It's not just the physical things I wish I could, in the polls that we take, have like 10 things and have the husbands like rate what's most important and all these things, because I can guarantee you that them feeling desired and wanted and appreciated and respected would be way up higher on the list than my wife looking good.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3I wish we could have rated those in order. Those are just some of the answers that husbands give, but, like if they were in order. I don't think a physical attraction would even be high.
Speaker 2That would probably be one of the lowest on the list, because they already think that you're hot, right Like you. You, I am already physically attracted to you. That's already crossed off the list.
Speaker 3So that's why you got married.
Speaker 2Yes to me like in this list.
Speaker 3I mean, I'm just saying when I say that it's, they picked you for what you look like, so I'm saying that's why it's not at the top right, correct?
Speaker 2yeah, they already think yeah, I already think you're smoking hot. So, like that list totally has a lot less to do with physical attraction. I'm already attracted to you.
Speaker 3Yeah, and most husbands would say the same thing. They would say the same thing.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3So, if you really want to be attractive to your husband, focus on positivity, focus on prioritizing quality time and those little things that are meaningful to him. That's it's. It's really just that simple right be confident, take care of yourself, but even more important is taking care of your marriage and, coming from a man and a husband standpoint, I will sign off on everything that was talked about today.
Speaker 2I totally agree, if you want to drive your husband crazy in a good way keep him madly in love with you, um, do the things that we talked about in this list and, yeah, you're gonna see a big smile on his face.
Speaker 3So this episode today was sponsored by the Ultimate Intimacy Shop, shopultimateintimacycom. We have a new couples box I just want to talk about really quick. It's an awesome intimacy box for the both of you. It makes a great anniversary gift or just a gift that you want to leave on your spouse's pillow because they're awesome and you're like I love you, let's be intimate. Great way to initiate and you get the number one toy in our shop that we always talk about for her, for her pleasure.
Speaker 2you get the amazing oil, the amazing scented lubricant, um scratch cards scratch cards sex position, deck number two and the amazing ultimate intimacy vibrator and they're great for massage or just foreplay, whatever you want.
Speaker 3So anyways, check it out you won't be disappointed.
Speaker 2well, neither of you will be disappointed, so definitely not. Let's go check it out at shopultimateintimacycom. That's shopultimateintimacycom, and until next time we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.