272. The Ways To Be More Attractive To Your Husband... And We Are Not Talking About Physically

Your first thought is that this is a podcast on how to be more physically attractive to your spouse... right? Wrong! This podcast episode focuses on the various other ways to be attractive to your husband, such as self-confidence, and other ways like:

• Initiating romance and intimacy
• Communication in and out of the bedroom
• Taking care of yourself
• Surprising him, being spontaneous - doing fun things together
• Having a positive mindset about intimacy - prioritizing it!
• Sense of humor

Your husband is already physically attracted to you, and that is one of the reasons he fell in love with you. In this podcast episode, we discuss the "other" ways to be more attractive to your husband.

 
If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 700,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!

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If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Ladies, it's the ways to be more attractive to your husband.

Speaker 3: 0:46

And husbands. We want to know if you agree with these.

Speaker 2: 0:48

And we're not necessarily talking about like physically. We're talking about like there's a lot more ways for a woman to be attracted to her husband. When Amy does certain Attractive. Attractive. That's what I meant. When Amy does certain things, she's already looking hot, but when she does certain things I'm like hot, but there's when she does certain things, I'm like oh yeah, giddy up.

Speaker 3: 1:09

Do you want to get us started on this and say what?

Speaker 2: 1:12

Oh, there's too many to list. Okay, that's very nice of you and we're going to dive into them, and then I'll do a thumbs up and like, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:19

I'm just rolling my eyeballs right now, Nick, because I know it's day four and he's just trying to compliment me a little more today.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Dude, you do look sexy. Stop it, man.

Speaker 3: 1:30

It's day four. That's why. Okay, they all know what I'm talking about, you know?

Speaker 2: 1:34

Day four. What does day four mean? I don't know what she means. You know, they know exactly what we mean.

Speaker 3: 1:38

All I know is she's okay anyways, um, yeah, so like I he said, he said, we said, he says that we say it together we were. We were holding hands as I said it, so it was we um, being attractive to your husband or for your husband is not all physical, like I don't want to get. This is what you need to do to be attractive. Like that's not what we're talking about there's many things.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Yeah, I mean that doesn't hurt, but well, we'll get there.

Speaker 3: 2:14

We'll get there. I think that's important too.

Speaker 2: 2:17

Get there, and then we probably better do one on husbands how to be more attractive to your wife oh, absolutely because. So we don't get all the the hate mail like why are you talking? Absolutely so. We don't get all the hate mail Like why?

Speaker 3: 2:26

are you?

Speaker 2: 2:26

talking about things that are.

Speaker 3: 2:28

I don't think we've ever really gotten hate mail, but we could get it if we don't make this fair right.

Speaker 2: 2:34

It's all about fairness.

Speaker 3: 2:35

Okay, you ready to jump in here?

Speaker 2: 2:37

Let's dive in.

Speaker 3: 2:39

One thing that makes a woman super attractive to her husband is when she shows gratitude and appreciation. Did we just talk about that last?

Speaker 2: 2:53

episode we did.

Speaker 3: 2:53

Literally the last episode. But isn't that so attractive to you?

Speaker 2: 2:58

Oh, no question, Like when you say thank you so much, sweetie, that was awesome, thank you so much, sweetie.

Speaker 3: 3:04

That was awesome, or yeah, I suck at that too.

Speaker 2: 3:05

I guess I'm just yeah, that's very attractive. I'm like, oh you're welcome.

Speaker 3: 3:14

I gotta do better at that. Let me thank you. Let me thank you. Um, I just I want to touch on this one. It's about being positive instead of like a pessimistic I pessimism pessimism, you got pessimism is really unattractive I agree and we've all been there, we've all been ornery or angry or negative or we've all had to do the nagging. Women are good at nagging, but I think when we can catch ourselves and be like you know, that is not very attractive. It's funny. You say that. I just saw a video.

Speaker 2: 3:45

I think with an author yesterday and she was on, I think when we can catch ourselves and be like, yeah, no, that is not very attractive. It's funny you say that I just saw a video, I think, with an author yesterday and she was on Jill Rogan or something, but she was saying how, when, exactly what you're saying when you're pessimistic and you start feeding on that it just makes you worse and worse and worse and worse.

Speaker 2: 4:05

And, like people that have depression is oftentimes because they're always just so pessimistic and focused on the negatives for sure, and they, almost like, make the situation worse and worse and worse, because that consumes their whole life we know people like that absolutely yeah yeah, we totally know people like that. Even though their life is amazing, they literally can't see it yeah, they just think they focus on the one negative and that one negative. You would think that their life was just like the worst life ever.

Speaker 3: 4:27

And it's very unattractive. You're like, you're literally annoying. It's not attractive, yeah, so I think, wives, and believe me, all these things can go the other way. We know that, like most of our podcasts, if we say one, it can mean both. Yeah, you know what I mean. It can definitely go both ways can mean both.

Speaker 3: 4:44

Yeah, you know what I mean. It can definitely go both ways. But yeah, like wives, if you are always nagging and always negative, I I know you're gonna be like, well, there's a deeper reason why nagging, like I know I know that is.

Speaker 2: 4:54

That's a deeper issue, very unattractive, but it's very unattractive yeah, there's nothing more unattractive than your wife constantly nagging no, no, um.

Speaker 3: 5:03

The next thing I want to talk about is what's very attractive to your husband is when you initiate keeping the romance alive in the marriage, like not always expecting him to do all the romantic things. Because we took a big poll it was months ago, I don't remember when it was or what the answers were, but I cannot believe it was on romance in marriage. I couldn't believe how many husbands were like I want to be romanced.

Speaker 3: 5:28

Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I want to be romanced yeah, and that doesn't always mean sexual things, but that could be like physical touch that could be massaging, that could be planning a date night once in a while too yeah, I coming from a man, I cannot tell you like how amazing it is when you just initiate.

Speaker 2: 5:48

Like I wish I could put it in words or like have you feel how it is and I think most men feel that way like when your wife initiates, whether it's intimacy or whatever, like it is, like just awesome, so don't underestimate the importance of that. Like that is so attractive, like a man immediately feels like oh, my wife's into me, like she loves me, like it just reassures Because, whiz, men feel love completely different than the way a woman feels loved.

Speaker 3: 6:22

Kind of Kind of. We do I think you're a lot more alike than we think. But yeah, kind of um, if we talk about initiating romance, I think this can be outside and inside the bedroom, like, like you said, like sexually, yeah, it's awesome when a wife initiates like we get a lot of husbands that are like that never happens, that would make my life right. But even out of the bedroom, like just romance, like leaving well, this goes back to appreciation, but leaving your spouse a thank you note or or just doing something romantic.

Speaker 2: 6:52

Just even just coming up and giving a big, long hug and saying you know how much I love you and appreciate you like that, that would be amazing too like, just that would be amazing thing.

Speaker 3: 7:01

Never gets it. Let me, that would be amazing. Hold on, I better edit that?

Speaker 2: 7:05

That is amazing. Hold on, let me. Did I edit that part, right? No, so hey look, we're just like all of you. We are striving to be the best that we can be for each other, and it's a lifelong process it is. We are striving to do things just like everyone else is doing things, and there's areas that we both fall short in.

Speaker 3: 7:28

There's areas that we we try really hard not to be hypocrites, but there are things that we are not very good at but that's okay.

Speaker 2: 7:35

We're we. We strive to do better in every way and we're going to fall short sometimes.

Speaker 3: 7:42

That's okay I, I try my hardest, I fall short, so do I I fall short um, the next thing that a husband finds very attractive of his wife is when she communicates openly and honestly inside and outside of the bedroom.

Speaker 2: 8:02

Oh yeah, yes, yeah, for sure yeah.

Speaker 3: 8:05

I think it's attractive Not just let's talk sexual for a minute first when a wife can say this feels so good. I love it when we do this. I wish we could do this more. I love it when you touch me like that.

Speaker 2: 8:17

Attractive Done deal.

Speaker 3: 8:19

When a woman is like Not a woman, a wife, a woman is like not a woman, a wife, is closed off and I don't want to talk about that I don't really want to do. That I don't want to try that like just get it over with. Probably not very attractive in that nature. Yeah, act interested act or be interested act and be interested.

Speaker 2: 8:38

I mean, even if you're fooling us.

Speaker 3: 8:40

Act interested and attraction on both sides outside of the bedroom. Honesty, communication, vulnerability that's like a given right, Like that's attractive to be able to have healthy, awesome, vulnerable conversations.

Speaker 2: 8:56

Yeah, for sure that's very attractive. I love having those deep conversations. That's very attractive.

Speaker 3: 9:01

And a lot of husbands. I don't know if they feel the same way, but I would hope so. I would hope so, I would think so Okay, very attractive, yes or no, when the wife supports his goals and dreams.

Speaker 2: 9:18

Oh, very attractive Thumbs up.

Speaker 3: 9:20

Thumbs up.

Speaker 2: 9:20

Absolutely.

Speaker 3: 9:21

I think that's really, really, really important to support your husband and just be his biggest cheerleader in life and whatever he's doing. I think that's I don't know.

Speaker 1: 9:32

I think wives feel the same way right.

Speaker 3: 9:35

Okay, we are going to talk about physical attraction right now. Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but taking care of yourself. Okay, let's, this is going to go both ways. Before I get like can I?

Speaker 2: 9:47

can I interrupt you real quick?

Speaker 3: 9:48

I'm going to forget on this day. But okay, go ahead, go ahead good nope, go ahead and what you're gonna say already. Good shoot.

Speaker 2: 9:58

Okay, I was just gonna say, as we're jumping into physical attraction, I want to point out first that the majority of your husbands out there think you are the most beautiful person in the world, regardless of what you think of yourself. They married you. They love you for who you are. They love you like I think. Oftentimes women think they have to look a certain way or things like that for their husband to just be really attracted to them. That's not the case. A husband thinks you are amazing and beautiful and he wants to be with you and you are the only one that he can be with.

Speaker 3: 10:36

So I just want to say that before, like we jump into that no, that's really, really, really important, and I just wanted to add to that that self-confidence is huge. I think self-confidence is very, very attractive if you're a husband or a wife. Yeah, like, own it, like this is who I am, you chose me right, so what?

Speaker 2: 10:57

if you don't have the perfect body that the world says is perfect. That's not what your husband wants. He doesn't want the perfect body, he wants your body, which is the perfect body to him, absolutely. Yeah, so own it, be confident.

Speaker 3: 11:11

Confidence is attractive 100%. But talking about staying attractive, I think it's important that spouses don't let themselves go Like. That's not really fair and that's not really commitment Agreed 100%. And I'm not saying you have to look perfect, but there's a lot of couples like maybe one of the spouses gets depression really bad and then their weight goes to crap, and then their diet goes to crap.

Speaker 3: 11:37

and then their diet goes to crap and the weight gets worse and it just Completely let themselves go and they just let themselves go and they're like I'm not getting ready anymore, I'm just going to wear my pajamas every day, I'm not going to brush.

Speaker 2: 11:42

But hitting back on what we're talking about, the reason why that's not attractive is because they've given up on themselves, Because of negativity.

Speaker 3: 11:50

Yeah, they've given up on themselves Because of negativity.

Speaker 2: 11:51

Yeah, Because they aren't confident, Like that's the whole thing. It's not that they necessarily. It's more so that they've completely given up and they're not even trying.

Speaker 3: 12:01

Right, I was sitting I can't remember what it was. It was kind of when, like it was probably 20 years ago when we were more newlyweds. But I remember sitting in a vent and this lady like this is how long ago, but it totally like made an impact on me. She was talking about being a good wife and she went over all these different kind of things. But she's like it is so important for me to stay attractive to my husband and she's like this is what I do every night before, like evening before he comes home from work. She was a stay at home mom. She's like I go in the bathroom five minutes before he gets home.

Speaker 3: 12:39

I know when he's going to walk in the door, I put on some red lipstick, I make sure my hair looks good, I make sure that I look presentable and when he walks in, I just want to look nice for him. I want him to smile and be like lovely honey. And I'm not saying you need makeup or any of that kind of stuff. I'm just saying that was one of her pieces of advice that she's like I want to look good for my husband and I fully agree with that. Whatever that looks like to you, it doesn't take makeup, it doesn't like whatever that looks like to you. Getting ready and looking nice for your spouse. Your whole marriage is really important and you're going to have days where that never happens. That's fine. But every once in a while, like at least on date nights, get ready for each other, like put some energy into it. That's what your spouse wants, that's what's attractive.

Speaker 2: 13:27

And.

Speaker 3: 13:27

I'm sorry. Like a wife expects that too. So don't say that you don't Like. You don't want your husband to just let himself go either. Right, you do these. To stay physically attractive, you need to exercise regularly. That's good for your mental. That's good for your physical. That keeps you in shape. Being social, going out with your friends once in a while helps your mental. That's good for you. Reading, dieting if you need to, or just eating properly, nutrition like we are what we eat, right. So when you let yourself go, you're letting a lot of things go. You're doing damage not just yourself, but your quality of life, your quality of marriage, your quality of your kids.

Speaker 3: 14:06

Lives like this whole attraction thing is really important. It's really important anyways. Confidence is key. All those things help you be confident in and out of the bedroom yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly what you're saying yeah, um, the next thing I want to touch on is staying adventurous together and having fun and making I just wanting to be together and do fun things together. Like that's attractive when your wife is into that.

Speaker 2: 14:35

Yeah, I think that is one of the most important things. Like I told this story often, but when you surprised me and we went to Vegas, like I still think like that's one of the funnest times I've ever had in our marriage.

Speaker 3: 14:47

And we hate Vegas, like we live too close to it and we don't like it. But it was the fact that we just got away.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Yeah, it was fun, spontaneous. We had no idea what we were going to do, we just did it together. We just had an amazing few days together, and so I think it is very important to continue to do fun things together. I I probably driving me crazy, cause I like to, depending on anyways. He likes to get away, I like to get away.

Speaker 3: 15:17

There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what.

Speaker 2: 15:19

I live for right is having those adventures and those different times with Amy.

Speaker 3: 15:25

One-on-one.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 15:27

The next one is just maintaining your sexiness. I think this what I want to talk about is intention, an intention to be sexual Like. I think that's really attractive to most husbands.

Speaker 1: 15:43

It really is.

Speaker 3: 15:45

I'm not saying you have to look sexy. I'm talking like state of mind, like intimacy is important in our marriage. I'm going to prioritize it. I want it to be exciting and fun. I want our marriage. I'm going to prioritize it. I want it to be exciting and fun. I want it, I want our marriage to be passionate.

Speaker 2: 15:57

That's what I'm trying to say I think what you just said is really important just showing that intimacy, sexual intimacy, is important to your marriage and prioritizing it is means so much to me as well, too. Right like and any husband yeah, like that is very attractive to like. It sends the message as a husband to like hey, my wife's still into me, like she still loves me, she still wants to be with me.

Speaker 2: 16:24

That way right so I, I, yeah, I like, like that a lot the way you worded it and I don't think it's just like initiating, or it's more just like it's more your attitude towards sexual intimacy right, rather than having like a negative attitude, like we got to do this again. It's having an attitude, like you said, that encourages or makes sexual intimacy feel like a a positive, connecting thing for the relationship, rather than oh, we got to do this again.

Speaker 2: 16:59

Or a negative thing like just for sure just that positive outlook, that positive out perception, that positive mindset, I mean, even if you're not fully there, just the fact that you're willing to try to get there because you realize how important it is.

Speaker 3: 17:17

Oh, absolutely. I hope that came across the way I made, but yeah, it's really about my like having a track, like being attractive in the fact that you have a positive mindset about being intimate. Yeah, it's really just that simple Right Um.

Speaker 3: 17:32

The next one is it's attractive to most husbands that their wife um is affectionate and wants to have that physical touch in the marriage and not I don't think it's just men that have the physical touch love language. I think that most husbands, whether that's their main love language or not, really appreciate physical touching.

Speaker 2: 17:59

I think it's just more of a husband thing, yeah, and like Amy said, it doesn't have to be sex Like just coming up and giving a big hug or a kiss on the cheek or walking by and smacking your butters. You know what I mean. Just something like. Playful, playful, showful showing that, hey, I'm still into you.

Speaker 3: 18:17

I'm into you. Well, that's what most husbands say they want. Right Is to feel desired, and that's a great way to show that. The next one I have on my list is it's attractive when a wife prioritizes quality time, which means to me I'm going to change this to my own putting your phone down and paying attention to your husband. Attractive, yes.

Speaker 2: 18:45

Very attractive.

Speaker 3: 18:46

Very attractive. Because, we hear from so many couples that are just like my wife won't put her phone down, she'd rather scroll. Okay, so picture this Like there's so many videos and stuff going on like this, but a couple is sitting in bed, their kids are asleep, it's time to just relax, and both people are on their phones which happens to us all which we, we're all guilty we're totally guilty of but what is the most attractive thing a wife can do at that moment?

Speaker 2: 19:16

put her phone down and like just snuggle, let's cuddle. Yeah, let's cuddle yeah because that shows what yeah, it shows that you desire me and you want me and you love me, and yeah well you're.

Speaker 3: 19:30

I'm more important than your phone absolutely. It's just that simple, absolutely super attractive and the more I look at this, I'm or think about all these things. I'm just like we want the same things. Yeah, they want the same things. Um, the next thing that is most attractive to husbands is respect.

Speaker 2: 19:47

When a wife is respectful as a person and as a wife to him so I was reading something and it was quoting some scripture as well too, and I I forget the scripture, but it was basically saying a man should love his wife and a wife should respect his, her husband mm-hmm it doesn't say a wife should love her husband. Man. This has been talked about many times how a man wants respect more than love a man that's how they feel up yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 20:14

a man desires to be respected more than he desires love, because that's how he feels loved, and so I think that's extremely attractive. When you show that you respect your husband and it can be so many different ways that is very attractive to a husband.

Speaker 3: 20:34

Okay, you heard it. The next one. It's very attractive to most husbands when their wife keeps a sense of humor and is more lighthearted and not naggy in the relationship.

Speaker 2: 20:46

Oh for sure, Like I, for sure, when you and I are joking around and laughing and things like that, like that is extremely attractive. Because marriage is supposed to be fun, right extremely attractive because marriage is supposed to be fun, right? Yeah, and it's fun to joke around, to be light-hearted and to tease each other and things like that.

Speaker 3: 21:06

So yeah, absolutely, totally agree, anything you would add. That's what I came up with I think that's a fantastic list. Yeah, I think it's once again just reiterating on the point point that it's not about looking perfect or being perfect. What's attractive, I think both ways is just that your spouse is intentional and is putting effort into the relationship. I think that's what's attractive.

Speaker 2: 21:32

You're exactly right.

Speaker 3: 21:34

I love you, and so I want to look good for you. I want to take care of myself for you. I want to keep dating you. I want to take care of myself for you. I want to keep dating you. I want to prioritize your needs. That's what sums all this up, right.

Speaker 2: 21:45

And if you go over that list, notice that pretty much maybe one or two of them had to do anything with like physical attraction. Everything else was outside of physical attraction.

Speaker 3: 21:56

And so those are hard to change if that's not natural for you, right?

Speaker 2: 22:00

yeah, and that should show you that your husband yeah, it's important to stay physically attractive, but that should just show you that they didn't just come up with this on their own. They obviously know what. Or we didn't come up with this on our own. They obviously know. We know what is more attractive to a husband.

Speaker 3: 22:21

It's not just the physical things I wish I could, in the polls that we take, have like 10 things and have the husbands like rate what's most important and all these things, because I can guarantee you that them feeling desired and wanted and appreciated and respected would be way up higher on the list than my wife looking good.

Speaker 2: 22:44

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:44

I wish we could have rated those in order. Those are just some of the answers that husbands give, but, like if they were in order. I don't think a physical attraction would even be high.

Speaker 2: 22:55

That would probably be one of the lowest on the list, because they already think that you're hot, right Like you. You, I am already physically attracted to you. That's already crossed off the list.

Speaker 3: 23:05

So that's why you got married.

Speaker 2: 23:07

Yes to me like in this list.

Speaker 3: 23:10

I mean, I'm just saying when I say that it's, they picked you for what you look like, so I'm saying that's why it's not at the top right, correct?

Speaker 2: 23:17

yeah, they already think yeah, I already think you're smoking hot. So, like that list totally has a lot less to do with physical attraction. I'm already attracted to you.

Speaker 3: 23:27

Yeah, and most husbands would say the same thing. They would say the same thing.

Speaker 2: 23:32

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 23:33

So, if you really want to be attractive to your husband, focus on positivity, focus on prioritizing quality time and those little things that are meaningful to him. That's it's. It's really just that simple right be confident, take care of yourself, but even more important is taking care of your marriage and, coming from a man and a husband standpoint, I will sign off on everything that was talked about today.

Speaker 2: 24:03

I totally agree, if you want to drive your husband crazy in a good way keep him madly in love with you, um, do the things that we talked about in this list and, yeah, you're gonna see a big smile on his face.

Speaker 3: 24:18

So this episode today was sponsored by the Ultimate Intimacy Shop, shopultimateintimacycom. We have a new couples box I just want to talk about really quick. It's an awesome intimacy box for the both of you. It makes a great anniversary gift or just a gift that you want to leave on your spouse's pillow because they're awesome and you're like I love you, let's be intimate. Great way to initiate and you get the number one toy in our shop that we always talk about for her, for her pleasure.

Speaker 2: 24:52

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Speaker 3: 25:13

So anyways, check it out you won't be disappointed.

Speaker 2: 25:18

well, neither of you will be disappointed, so definitely not. Let's go check it out at shopultimateintimacycom. That's shopultimateintimacycom, and until next time we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.