Dating After Divorce

186. Divorce and Breaking Chains of Societal Expectations with Life Coach Brig Johnson

June 12, 2023 • Sade Curry

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Have you ever felt like you were living a life that wasn't yours? Like you were just going through the motions, trying to please everyone else but yourself? My friend and fellow life coach, Brig Johnson, knows that feeling all too well. In this powerful conversation, Brig shares her inspiring journey of finding her true self in the midst of a crumbling marriage and forging a new identity that led her to become a multiple six-figure life coach.

We dive deep into the mental load that women carry, making it difficult for them to pursue their dreams and achieve greatness. Brig opens up about her experience with societal expectations and how she bravely embraced her spontaneous nature to overcome these obstacles. From people-pleasing wife to unstoppable force, Brigg's transformation is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

Join us as we explore the power of self-coaching and how it played a pivotal role in Brig's journey to rewrite her story. Find out how taking ownership of her life and letting go of perfectionism set her free and empowered her to make the changes she needed. This conversation is a testament to the importance of fighting for yourself and staying determined in your pursuits. Don't miss this incredible episode!

Featured on the Show: Brig Johnson
Brig Johnson helps HIGH ACHIEVING WOMEN BECOME UN-F*CKWITHABLE! Coming from a background as an Advanced Practice health care provider, Brig has built a successful 6-figure life business. Her brash, direct style helps clients see themselves with clarity, her compassion keeps them coming back. Her business motto is “better business through sufficiency.” The more we accept and connect with ourselves, the better we connect with our clients and customers and their dreams.

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Sade Curry:

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Dating After a Divorce podcast. Okay, y'all are in for a treat today. I have my sister, friend, coach colleague, Brig Johnson here on the podcast for you. She has an inspiring, like uplifting coaching story for you today. Brig is she's a life coach. She helps high achieving women become unfuck with the ball. We're going to talk about what that means. Brig comes from a background as an advanced practice healthcare provider and she has built a successful multiple six figure life coaching business not just six figures. Her brush direct style helps clients see themselves with clarity. Her compassion keeps them coming back and Brig's business model is better business through sufficiency, because the more we accept and connect with ourselves, the better we connect with our clients and customers and their dreams. Brig, welcome to the podcast, thank you.

Brig Johnson:

Thank you so much. I'm so excited. I don't think I've been this excited to be on podcast and I don't know how long. I think it's because, like, first of all, it's you and I've been knowing you for so long and totally feel like your sister, and second, like I get to talk about something that I don't normally talk about. So, so good. Yeah, we're going to glean my brain for a story. I know there's probably things in here that I'm going to be like, oh and I forgot about this.

Sade Curry:

Yes, yes, and I I didn't want to hear any of it before And I have been waiting to hear this story because I think I knew you were divorced and single. we've joked around about dating in the past but, like I always knew that was a divorce story in there and that it was going to be amazing. so we're here to hear it. So like, where do we start? do we start with the marriage? do you want to start when the divorce started? where do we begin?

Brig Johnson:

Let's start with a marriage.

Sade Curry:

Let's start like getting married When you got married 22.

Brig Johnson:

I got engaged at 20, 20 and got married at 22. And the only reason why I got married at 22 is because my dad was like he would not give his approval until we waited a year. So I got engaged like I met him at 19. I think we got it like right at the end of 19, so it was really really more like 20 like I get my birthday is in December. We met like in October or September. So my dad was like no, he was like he did not like here, neither of my parents were He was a nice guy, but neither of my parents were like This is the guy for you. It wasn't that he wasn't a good guy, they just knew what I didn't know then that I was going to grow in a way that probably wasn't going to create camaraderie or like companionship. So, but yeah, so we waited a year. I got married two days after my 22nd birthday.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, i mean, and that's so true of that age is that we're adults. I got married at 21, were adults, we're fully formed, we have this, but we don't realize just how much growth is ahead of us.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, my mom just kept telling me you're going to change, you're going to change, you're going to change. And I was like, no, i'm not mom. And if you knew me then and you know me now, i can tell you that even my kids, my kids, and my kids, my kids, that my husband then we have a great relationship. Now he is remarried I think he's on his third marriage I was his first So and we're friends, everybody's fine. Like we attend things together. I go to their house, they go to my house.

Brig Johnson:

When he was sick I would like rush him to the hospital with his wife. Like So we have a great relationship, but that was 25 years in the making right. Like so. But even my kids go, we don't see, because my kids don't even remember us being together, because they were four, three and two when I got divorced. My kids don't even see it. Like my youngest daughter is like, how did y'all to happen? Like they really are, like I don't understand. Like they, like they love us each separately and but like they're like We don't get how y'all got together because, mom, you are so different And I think that was the thing is like I was completely a different person.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, how long were you married?

Brig Johnson:

We were married 13 years, so it wasn't even like, yeah, we waited seven years to have kids. I didn't have kids. Even though I got married early. I started having kids. So I was 28 and I had my last one like on when I was 33. So, yeah, we were married 13 years. And so, yeah, when my youngest was two, It was it was like once I got pregnant with the third one is when things just kind of like just started going downhill. As far as I don't even think it was downhill, it was just awareness was starting to come in right before me of, i think, the whole marriage.

Brig Johnson:

I kept trying to be a version of me that he wanted. He wanted somebody that was very calm and not spontaneous and wasn't loud and very demure and submissive and, like that, didn't mind getting up at the clock in the morning and doing our quiet time together before I went to work. And I wanted to sleep in, because I go to work at six o'clock on days that I work. I didn't want to get up early on my days that I didn't like, and just it was. There was just a lot of and I had a rebel inside of me that I I had a governor on it, like, like I had a, i was doing it so that I could be this version that I knew he wanted me to be. Yeah, that he was. He was asking, but I was asking that of me And I was saying no.

Brig Johnson:

I was saying let me try Maybe. Maybe he's right. Like I should be this, like that is the way I should be. I should be more disciplined. I should plan things out. I shouldn't be spontaneous, like I lived a life where my natural tendencies were all wrong. At some point I just started going. But this is just the way I fucking am. Can I curse? I'm sorry.

Sade Curry:

Hey, go ahead.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, just at some point, like you, like you put the governor is like trying, but I keep coming back to this is really how I am. Yeah, yeah, and it was just. It was just a just a slow revelation of I kept trying to make myself wrong, trying to make myself more quiet and more aggressive and like, and the more I tried, the more she would just come through And I just, you know they had they say till death, do us part. And I remember hearing Ayanna by Vincent say in one of her I honestly, my life, there was one time there was one that I do remember and this is the one where she was like they say till death, do us part. But it's like death of what? because the relationship was already dead. Yeah, yeah, in order for the relationship to do what it needed to do, i needed to die. And I just wasn't willing to die, not like, not die physically, but die as a version of me, like I kept trying to.

Sade Curry:

I kept trying to kill her. Yeah, you were trying to kill the real version, the real you, but like yeah, it was so spontaneous and loud, Like if you died, everything would be fine, right.

Brig Johnson:

If you just change, be who I need you to be, we're going to be fine. And I kept going okay, i'm really going to try. I know, i know I should be more disciplined. I'm really going to try. What's so funny about it now is I'm the biggest rebel there is right now And I am so disciplined.

Sade Curry:

Amazing.

Brig Johnson:

I get like I'm spontaneous and disciplined, like I did find it, but I found it my way without making myself wrong. So I literally saw I was the one who initiated the divorce. I literally saw me asking for the divorce as a gift to him, like I really did. It was like I am, like it wasn't even like I done, tried, I am not what you want, like I am not that chick and I can't be her, and that was so freeing for me. I really saw it as a gift of love.

Sade Curry:

Yeah Well, i mean I'm sure that's played out If he's remarried and he's happy.

Brig Johnson:

Oh yeah, he's very happy.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, Like imagine another 25 years.

Brig Johnson:

They are they are the cutest couple and I love them. Like yes, yes.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, versus 25 years of the ongoing struggle.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, It was just.

Brig Johnson:

I tried to reinvent myself into a cookie cutter version so many times that and I think that's where my growth when you talk about, like my growth as a coach and my growth as a woman who empowers high achieving black women it was I was trying to put a governor on that high achieving part of me. I was trying not to like you're doing too much, like who do you think you are? You're too loud, like that rebel part of me. That was like no, i have ideas and dreams too And I want to put them out in the world. I didn't want to put myself out in the world under his umbrella. I want to have my umbrella, and yours too.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, because now, when you're in the community where under his umbrella was the acceptable way to have an impact and do things, Right, yeah, it was like helping him with his business and I was the woman behind it. And.

Brig Johnson:

I think, my being a woman behind his business. I just wanted my own too, like I had no qualm about helping and supporting. I just wanted my own identity too, which meant I wanted my own thing as well, yeah.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, it's interesting how, like when you mentioned all of those things that you're like, you know I didn't want to be a, but that's what is in many cultures globally. That's what's acceptable, even in cultures where overtly we say, oh yes, women can go out and have an impact. Covertly, yes, women stepping out and having an impact and doing things and being loud and making noise is not doesn't elicit a lot of approval.

Brig Johnson:

Right, yeah, and it's like, and it's like your. It's the unspoken word of you rule of you cannot outshine your husband Like or like, unless he's like okay with it, or like whatever. And it was just. It was. It was just. There was just so many things that I was sequestering about me. There were so many pieces of me that I was hiding from myself, not acknowledging, and at some point I was like I just can't do it anymore, like I was like if I'm bad, if I'm just gonna be, if I'm a bad girl, a bad wife, fuck it, that's just what I am Like. That's how much I had tried. Like, if this makes me bad, if I was willing to just be bad, i was like y'all just come talk about me.

Brig Johnson:

We were part of a very large church And we were actually over like the marriage enrichment, like, did announcements for it and everything. Yes, we were over the like. Yes, like we. Like we would do the announcements. And we were like that couple who would like talk about it and like come to the marriage and retreat and such, such, and then get in the car and look out the window and never talk right, like we were that couple. So we would have people over to the house for Bible study and then the door closes and we would never say another word to each other And I was just like, no, like, like I tried to conform and there was no way. And so I love that I did that.

Brig Johnson:

Now, when I did it, i did, and my friends and my mother and everybody will tell you I did it wrong, because they would say I stayed way too long because it got rough, like it really like if you're trying to change and that person is used to you a certain way, you can imagine the friction that happens when you start saying yes, i'm going to change, and how they react. So it got dangerous. Every once in a while, like no, i need to go. So and a lot of my friends will say you stayed too long. And I would say no, i didn't, because when I left I knew who I was, was who I was supposed to be, cause I've tried, i tried to like, i literally tried to kill the girl. She wouldn't die, she's like Brigg.

Brig Johnson:

Brigg is here to say and that's another thing That's my married name. Brig Johnson is my married name And I didn't go. I didn't feel the need to go back to Harris because my kid's name was Johnson And I didn't want to go. I'm Brig Harris and Jared Johnson. Brig Johnson and Brig Johnson. No, i was like I'm Brig Johnson And they knew who my kids were. Like I was like no. And like I was like yeah. Like I was like no, you didn't give me your name. I made something out of this name and I kept it. I was like this is who I am.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, you got to define, yes, who you were every way, every I did, I defined everything.

Brig Johnson:

I got to choose the name that goes with it.

Sade Curry:

All of it.

Brig Johnson:

Yes, so, so, yeah, so I really did see it as an act of love and freedom. I knew, because of his religious background and everything, that he would never ask for the divorce because it was not something that was like even encouraged, even a little bit. And I knew that I would get lambasted because I was, because I was a member of the church too, i was willing for everybody to talk about me. Like, and they did The stories and the rumors that came out. I was like, oh, y'all think I'm like, really, that's what y'all think I'm doing.

Sade Curry:

I was like have you always had that ability for people to be wrong about you, Or did you develop?

Brig Johnson:

I developed that then, like it took me like one of the reasons why it was such a struggle for me to ask for the divorce is because, like, that's not what good girls do, and that's why I kept trying to reinvent myself to be that, because I was trying to be what other people was telling me I should Like I would go to counseling or I would have other female like ask them to mentor me And they would like really Well, you know, you should like be quiet and let him lead, and I was trying, i tried everything.

Sade Curry:

I just cannot. As you're talking, the good girl and the mentoring and all cause I experienced, you know, I can't even imagine you. Yes, In that I was like, please help me something.

Brig Johnson:

I literally thought something was wrong with me, like I was like such a simple person, like something is really, really wrong with me, and so, yes, i was definitely people influenced and people pleasing, and like I was trying to please my husband and don't let him not talk to me. I was like what's wrong? Like I was epitome of like I did something wrong. Like every time he came home, when I heard the garage go up, my stomach would do the and I would look around the house. What didn't I do? Oh, my God, i didn't use my time wisely. I have to show how efficient I have been.

Sade Curry:

On my off day. Yeah, on your off day, on my off day.

Brig Johnson:

That's how I was y'all. So when I like coach people about empowerment and about like all of the programming, I'm doing it because I had to deprogram myself and I lived that transformation.

Sade Curry:

Wow, totally, i mean. and when you say transformation, like for those of you who don't know Brig, so you're hearing the story and you're not gonna have the same disbelief that I'm experiencing because I met this version of Brig and there is nothing Demir or second guessing or people pleasing about you in any way. Yeah, amazing, amazing.

Brig Johnson:

So I'm, i asked, i think I asked my mom. I was like, mom, i think I'm gonna get a divorce. And my mom was like no, do not, just like wait till the kids grow up So you can go back to school. And then cause, she was like it's hard, it's so hard out there. But she was telling me her story and her trauma. Right, because she did leave with young kids and her opportunities were like she couldn't call in to work. So you know how it was when your mom couldn't come in to work, calling to work when you were sick, you got a bucket and a gallon of seven up, yep, yep, and a bottle of Nyquil, yep, and she put the CV into your room on a TV tray if you were good 100%, right, totally, except for the Nyquil part.

Sade Curry:

Ours was like Malaria. Pluricoine, yes, yeah, but exactly the same thing is what we cause.

Brig Johnson:

I grew up with a single mom, part of the time as well, yeah, So I knew she was telling me her story and she was like no baby, no, and I was like no mom. She was like wait till you go to school, because here's the deal. At that time I was an RN and I had dreams of going to medical school, but somehow in there I chickened out and stopped believing in myself. So then I switched and said I'm just gonna, cause I was an LVN then And then I switched from medical, from pre-med, to right when it was time for me to take the MCAT. I never even took the MCAT, y'all. I was ready, i had my organic, everything.

Brig Johnson:

That's how, scared of taking that risk and seeing that, and I just bowed out. So when my clients are doing that, i know exactly what they're doing, cause I've done it right, like I've done it. When you get to that point where it's like scary and it's like decision time and you self-sabotage And so I was like no, i think I'm just gonna be an RN and have babies. So I got my associate degree and while we were married we were still married and while we were married I found out that you could be an RN and go to anesthesia school And I was like that's what I wanna do.

Sade Curry:

Yeah.

Brig Johnson:

But my husband at the time said no. He was like all you do is start and stop things and you're not. You're gonna go in debt, we're gonna go in debt and you're not gonna finish it and we're gonna have all this debt. And I was like and that was my story, so I believed it because that was my past. So when my clients are coming to me telling me their past and how they've shown up, i'm like that has nothing to do with what you can do. Yeah, and the reason why I can say that is because I've lived that.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, it's interesting when you talk about the start and stop, because I have seen this with, like, my clients who've been divorced like, is there something? this is my theory is that you're not starting and stopping in isolation. It's not an isolated situation, because that's a narrative about women. You start and stop your impulse if you don't finish things Right. Exactly What else is happening? Yes, right, these are coming. Yeah, the apportioning of household duties Right, the mental load Yes, i don't know. Is it really that?

Sade Curry:

women can't complete things, or is it that there's just too much on our plates?

Brig Johnson:

Exactly, and that's what I talk about with my clients. It's like we don't have a capability problem, we have a capacity problem. Yes, we don't have the capacity. Like there's so much mental load and all the other stuff that we think we have to take care of, we opt into a world that's telling us to like. Like, our value is how people think of us. So we people please, and we do all that stuff. So our load is so heavy that we don't have the capacity for our dreams. And then when we go our dreams and then there's one little obstacle, we quit because not because we're not capable, but because we don't have that capacity.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So how long, like? at what point in the marriage were you wanting to go after that dream?

Brig Johnson:

I think that was. I think I had already had the kids. I was all excited, like my bubble was just busted And at that point in that relationship he did have the final say That's the way we lived, like that's the way I lived, so y'all can imagine, like how I am now. And then like that's why my kids are like we don't like literally, my kids don't understand it because he is still the same, he's still in the death, he is still the same, right. But I was like okay.

Sade Curry:

What else did he have to? I wanna hear all the things. What else did he have the final say on How?

Brig Johnson:

he spent the money Like I gave him my whole check because he was better at finances, because women are told we're not good with finances, we're emotional right. So he controlled all of the money. I would give him my check and he would give me my spending, whatever I can spend out of it. So, and this was when he was making more money than me And this was when I started, because he got laid off And this was when I started making more money and covering the house. It was still the same. I was okay with it. He was better with finances. Fine, you do it Like I didn't have a qualm with that, but like it was just his. He had the final say on the way the household ran. That was, and I would always like. But I disagree.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah right, and the thought didn't occur to me to just go ahead and go to school anyway. Like well, forget you, i'm going to school anyway. That thought never occurred to me. He said no, and I was like I can't go. That's where I was. But so ask for the divorce. Got the divorce. Six months later I'm like I'm going to go to anesthesia school. So which was? and I say this because the people at the church were like she's out there gandamac'ing and she's dating and she hoeing around and like she. I was like Wait where are you, brigg?

Sade Curry:

Tell us, where are you Gallivanting.

Brig Johnson:

Oh, i was out partying every Sunday. Yes, i had a thing that I did for me. It was my mental health thing. It was swing out. I don't know if they do swing out. There In Chicago they call it stepping like they're stepping and they're swing out Like I swung out. That's the in the South. It's like swing out. So I would do swing out every Sunday. I would get there at about eight and I would leave at 9.30. I would swing out. I would be soaking wet. So, yeah, i got cute every week and went out, swung out and came home. That was my mental health thing. So was I going out every weekend? Yeah, i sure was. Yeah.

Sade Curry:

I'm wondering to you. The question is why wouldn't you?

Brig Johnson:

Right, yes, yes. So I had also during the time, during the time that I was contemplating asking for a divorce, i was also deciding to take my life back, because I had three kids in four years. I breastfed them all. So I was like at 2.20 when I came home from the hospital, or 2.10 when I came home from the hospital with the second baby, and by the time it was over with I was like at 2.20 and I stopped weighing myself after 2.20. I didn't even want to see it anymore. And so there was one part of me that was like look, i carried these kids, Now you're gonna take care of them. Why I go take care of my body?

Brig Johnson:

So first thing I did was I signed up for a cycling thing, because I cycled before I had kids. So I was like I'm gonna compete in a 100 mile ride, i'm gonna do a 100 mile ride. So I got on my bike and I went seven miles and I was wore out And I was like, oh my God. And then my girlfriend, who I lived. I lived and we still trained that. We just did the El Camino, camino de Santiago together. We still do athletic stuff. I lived to her, moved to her neighborhood. We just went shopping together. She came over and she was like okay, she brought her bike. And she was like okay. So we got in and we rode 12 miles. And those 12 miles I was like I'm dying. I know this is mile 30. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, but like, i continued to train myself, i continued. That's when I started getting a little momentum of like no. I started telling my husband no for the first time, like no, i want my body back, i want my health back. It wasn't even about a size body. I thought my fine days were over with. I was a mother. I was like okay, but I'm going to be healthy. So I started and then I did that 100 mile race in Texas heat in August. It was called the hot in hell. I rode that 100 miles. It took me eight hours And by that time I was down to like 165. And then I decided to start running.

Brig Johnson:

By the time I did that, i started having confidence of like. I started getting out and hanging out with other people and getting other views And I'm like no, there's nothing. Oh, i'm not that crazy, there's nothing wrong with me. There's that little bit of like, oh, i'm okay. And so I started running And during those runs there was a lake near me, that was a 10 mile loop, and I called that my sanctuary Because I would make decisions on those runs.

Brig Johnson:

I would think about it, i would coach my. I didn't know I was coaching myself, but that's what I was doing. I was coaching myself, self-coaching myself, but what's the worst that can happen And what is going to? and it was really about getting over the fear of what other people were going to think, really rationalizing what I think God would do to me if I asked for the divorce. That was really huge for me Because my view of God was I was going to get punished, i was being a bad person, i had to come to my own view And I would be like but is that? do you do that to your kids? Yeah, it was like, it's like. And so that became my escape.

Brig Johnson:

That became my escape and I decided to get the divorce, probably four months before I told him. And during that four months I spent that time on every run just coaching myself, being okay with it, really like, because I never want to be the one to ask, like I didn't think the D word was something you just play with. Now by this time my ex was saying it all the time Well, we should just get a divorce. And I would never say anything Like, but I, because I knew if I said it I meant it. Yeah, yeah, exactly Yes.

Brig Johnson:

So I went from 165 to about 132. Wow, because I was unloading all of the emotional, because I was numbing out the bad relationship with Baskin and Roma. I can tell you what I got. I would go to Brahms and get a strawberry sundae with two scoops of no, two scoops of butter, pecan, one scoop of strawberries, strawberries on top, whipped cream and pecan And I had that on a regular on top of everything else. And I was just numbing out because I was killing me, like. So I was just like numbing out to keep her down.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, i mean I love that you just used that Cause. That's what happens, the real. You was inside, she couldn't come out, but she was still alive and kicking, yes, and you had to shut her up.

Brig Johnson:

I had to anesthetize her. I had to anesthetize her Right Like so when I did that, i did that with like food, so like yeah, of course, i was 230 pounds And then when I found another outlet that, like that dopamine, like that runner's high started coming in, or that accomplishment of I just like cause, i remember I told you very clearly I ran seven, i did seven miles and 12 miles. I remember that, and I remember the accomplishment of doing 15 and the accomplishment of doing 20. And so I started building and seeing myself as someone that does finish things right. Like the story started changing And I started rewriting that story of like no, i can do hard things, Like after a ride that I would do. That was hard, as I don't know what be like bitch, you just did that. Like you did that. Like yeah, he was like you saw that hill like this, and you did that hill. Yeah, it took you a while, but you did it. And so that's when I learned the value of celebrating every step, because that's what helps rewire you Great.

Sade Curry:

So you lost a hundred pounds. How did you do the?

Brig Johnson:

math here It was a 90, i think it was about 90. So, but like I said, i stopped weighing myself at 230, at 220, so I counted from 220. I don't know what to try to add to. I would imagine I weighed about 230. So, yeah, i lost about a hundred pounds.

Sade Curry:

But I say yeah, oh my goodness, and I love the parallel, like as you were unloading all of the beliefs that weren't true and didn't serve you. You were offloading the weight, you were putting on the beliefs that truly serve you like I can do hard things and probably putting on muscle and strength and you were getting the dopamine back.

Brig Johnson:

Yes, And like I was getting my anesthesia from something else, like it was a different form. Instead of anesthesia that was numbing me, it was dopamine that was encouraging me, right, like I would go do more. And I just started feeling really good about myself. And so I can see how the church, like, looking from the outside in it's like oh, she lost a hundred pounds. And then she go like asking and look at her, she going out every week So I could see it Like it looks bad, right. So that's why I'm like that's where my concept. Of course they gonna talk Like, if you see it from their point of view, like let them right, like it was like let them. And I think somewhere in between all of that, or close to it, i think Jasmine Sullivan came up with a song blame it on me, say it's my fault.

Brig Johnson:

I like that was my fault. Blame it on me, say it's my fault, i was willing for everybody. It's just just to blame it on me, say it's my fault, like let them say whatever they wanna say, let them have their story. I know my story.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, And the energy cause. I've been that person who wanted to make sure everybody knew that I wasn't the bad person. And then I shifted to the person who realized that, oh, I'm willing to not come up smelling like roses. It frees up so much energy when you're not trying to, when you're trying to justify yourself to the whole world Right.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, it was like there was a period where it was really fragile And I remember I started like a marriage group. Like I started it because, like when you first get married, like all the couples who have been married together they hang out all together and you get married, you can't hang out with the singles anymore. So it was like this void And so I was like I need a spot. So again, i'm still that person, i still create containers. Yeah, right, so I created that marriage group and I remember them coming over to the house after I asked for a divorce and I wouldn't let them in. I like they knew I was there.

Brig Johnson:

I was like there's some points where you know what you can and can't take. And it wasn't about like it was self-protective, but it was self-love. I was too fragile to hear them try to tell me, you know, i'm such such a like cause. I like I knew I was, i was doing what was best for me and new listening to them wasn't going to do anything but put me back in confusion. So sometimes, when we're making hard decisions like that, it's good to like set a boundary on for your own protection, right.

Sade Curry:

Yes, yeah, and I love it because it's it removes the expectation, because when we don't do that, we're putting an expectation on other people to understand something that's so deep down inside of us that it's impossible for them to understand it What? And it's kind of unfair to expect them to understand it.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, Cause I wasn't in no way And even on this podcast, like I'm not, I wasn't in no way going to. I didn't, I never was the woman who was going to badmouth him. Like I didn't need to drag him under the rug and stare all of our like this is what was really going on. I didn't need to do that And I didn't want to have to say, look, this is how shit really is. Like right, This is what's going on. Because I didn't want to tarnish his image, because he was going to stay in a church, I was like I'm gone, Bye, See ya, Peace out, Like and so. And it wasn't because of anything other than it was really like what would love do? Like I love you and that's why I'm leaving. Right, Yeah.

Sade Curry:

Peace about that, where it's like people are not entitled to the story. They really aren't, they think they are And sometimes we think they are.

Brig Johnson:

I thought, because these were my close, close friends, right Like we shared everything, So I think they, I think they could could have been entitled to the story. I just wasn't ready There's being entitled and you knowing, when you were ready and I was in no way ready They had like, they had enough, like enough in to like to be entitled, Like yeah, I'll tell you Like, at least tell us what's happening, right.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, i think, like they like they would have been in there, like, but I just wasn't ready And there was only one in that group that actually reached out personally throughout the whole journey, and so, yeah, Yeah, yeah, that happens.

Sade Curry:

How did that change your faith, like you know, from then to now?

Brig Johnson:

I think I stopped being religious and started being so much more spiritual. Yeah, so much more spiritual. That's when I really do believe I really found God, mm You. That's when I really do believe I had a personal relationship with God, not because I was doing all the stuff and saying all the elaborate prayers and showing my quiet time and everything, but I felt that presence.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, and I think in those times, because you have to get your own answers, yeah, you know the answers you're getting are not like this is not the answer to what's happening to me. Yeah, and you have to hear for yourself exactly what to do.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, and so my relationship with God changed tremendously. God stopped being this vindictive, out to get me and only going to recognize me when I do good for multiple days in a row kind of God. Like yeah, I became one that loved me no matter what, And because of that I began to become give myself love no matter what.

Sade Curry:

Oh, so good. Yeah, you know what's funny about that? the way you say that it's almost like the whole journey of faith is to get there, right, yeah, yeah, sometimes I like songs. When you listen to Christian songs or you're reading like books and like the Bible, and you're like the whole idea is love, right, but then how come like we're in it And then you're not feeling It's punishment. It's punishment, oh, just this. Like not even when you're nodding. That's like numbness or like dryness. Like I remember a period where it was like okay, sunday you go to Sunday and you download, and then that download gets you all the way Wednesday by Wednesday you're dry. Yeah, like you got to get back on Wednesday night. It was just a cycle. But then, like when you have that personal relationship and you go through things, it's like, oh, i'm just like coasting in this relationship with God, where it's like I don't it's not the ups and downs anymore. Yeah, yeah, so good, wow, so tell me how. Like after that you went to Anesthesia School.

Brig Johnson:

That's a whole other story. That's a whole other podcast, that's a whole other story. Even just getting in because again I was the person who stopped and started, like my ex was absolutely right. My track record, so my transcript, had like seven Fs on it. I think my GPA was like a 2.9 or 2.8 because I would do real well on my science stuff. And then all of a sudden I'll just stop and just stop the whole and I'll have a whole semester full of Fs, like seven Fs or something, and I was like, okay, i'll go in, like whatever. So it was a very if you looked at me on paper it was very inconsistent And I know they were like which one which one to believe. And Anesthesia School is like very hard. They got like a thousand to 2,000, 1500. Some odd I know is over a thousand applicants for a hundred spots.

Brig Johnson:

It was very competitive for me to get in And I was at work and people were like, oh, you have Fs on your transcript, Oh, you're not going to get in. Like everybody was telling me I'm not going to get in. My mother was saying you're not going to do like. You should have stayed married like such as. Like like don't, don't do it. Like it's going to be hard and kicker. I was going to have to quit my job.

Brig Johnson:

So how was I going to take care of these three kids with the very minimum of child support And go to Anesthesia School? And I didn't have a clue. Like I didn't know. I didn't know how, I didn't have a roadmap, I didn't have anything. Only thing I kept saying is God would not give me the desire without giving me the resources. I would just like. My God is just not that cruel. He wouldn't give me this burning desire to do this without showing me the way. I mean, that was, that was how I did it. Like literally, I'm like they would be like, how are you going to pay for it? Like you going to quit your job? Show him, Well, how are you going to pay? I don't know, I like, but I did know all hundred people who went weren't independently wealthy, So I was like there must be a way.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah. So it was like that was my version of Peter. Like get out the boat, yeah, no matter what. everybody, like everybody is telling you. this is crazy. My ex was like you ain't going to never make it. He literally said you ain't going to make it. You don't even like getting up at five third and you going to try to do anesthesia. I'm not going to make it.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, you know, i love that that you had that, because a lot of women who come off the podcast, who book consults with me, they say this you often not always a reference to something the ex has said, right, that still just so embedded in their thinking and they can't shake it Like you'll never find anyone to marry you, you'll never make it, you won't make it without me, things like that, yeah.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, So yeah, but yeah, Obviously you made it, i made it. Obviously we did. Okay. Now, yeah, we did. I mean, we did great.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, you became a nurse, anesthetist, yeah.

Brig Johnson:

I know I still can't say it. I'm a nurse, anesthesiologist. I put people Yeah, i did it for 18 years before I started coaching, and then a year ago a year ago, yeah, a year ago I quit And I'm coaching.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, i mean that's, that's insane. But I mean, like you, just that pivot by itself, because a nurse anesthetist is like I mean you're, you're, you're, you're, you're nipping on the heels of the nurse practitioners, doctors, like it's that. my understanding is it's that. Yeah, it's the same level of education in the middle.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah Yeah, it's the same level as a nurse practitioner. It's that same level And we work independently. So I was like the only anesthesia provider in the hospital, like they call anesthesia. It's me, i'm sorry There's nobody else, It's me.

Sade Curry:

You did that.

Brig Johnson:

A woman of color, single mom three kids And I was like I'm going to know how that interview went after a divorce. That was a. That was a seven person interview, that rapid fire, because they wanted to stress you out to see how you handled stress, because anesthesia is very stressful. That's why I like that literally is why I'm like no y'all, i'm an expert in stress, like I helped black women with stress and do. Because, like everything I did the, even the job that I went into was stressful. And so the interview was seven people and they purposely like fired things at you And they were like we don't know, i don't know. And I was like I think because I bought so much for myself, because I tried every other thing, that was why I think that was like the biggest blessing I ever had is because I tried to be everything else And I was convinced this is who I'm supposed to be. Yeah, yeah.

Sade Curry:

Like, you need to fight for yourself. You said you fought for yourself.

Brig Johnson:

In that, in that interview that I could do it, because they were like we don't know, like, and then they was. They were showed it, they would see the A's and I was like, well, look, i made an A and it's like, yeah, but that's not like, we're not convinced. They literally said we're not convinced. And I said they kept talking and I said do I have a rebuttal? And they said, yeah, you know. I was like I have three kids. I did such and such, Like I just finished a marathon. I like I went through, doubted like this and yeah, my kids like. They wanted me to wait till my kids got older. And I was like, no, no, my kids still go to bed at light because they're young, like, they're like they do You want me to wait till their teenagers? and they're like, and I got to argue with them, that's not like, that's not the answer, right, i just spoke with authority and when I left I heard them talking and I heard one lady go. I like her, yeah.

Sade Curry:

I mean, I just love that, because it sounds like you just believed in yourself more than it sounds like more than anybody.

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, i had two people at that time that believed in me, because not even my mother supported me. Like she was like didn't know to the divorce and for sure no the anesthesia school. Like she was on the same bandwagon. Like you know how you are now. Like you know your parents are. Like you know how you are now. Like you go get in there, get out and then you go like that's why I'm like your past has absolutely nothing to do with what you can do in the future. Don't tell me about what you've done. I don't care about what any of my clients have done. Tell me what we're going to do, right?

Sade Curry:

Yeah, and it sounds like you know often when we are waiting sometimes for someone else to believe in us and tell us that we're going to do it. It's like I've had sometimes calls with women and they're like all right, convince me that I can meet someone. Yes, i'm like no, no, no, the work I know you can meet someone Like the work is for you to believe that you can meet someone. Yeah.

Brig Johnson:

I can convince you.

Sade Curry:

I can show you all the steps in the program. I can show you all the people. If you don't believe that, you can, Yeah. And I think that's where fighting like when you talk about fighting for yourself was you believe you were like, I don't even see it, but I believe in who I am.

Brig Johnson:

I don't know how I'm going to do it. Yeah, and the first test I'll say this about anesthesia school like the first test was like the test. It was like everybody knew it was like the hardest test And most people like out of a hundred people, most people flunk it And he had I think he had three A's and he was like I know it, like that y'all, and he was giving people to pep talk like it's okay, you know, keep going, like keep going. This is a difficult one. Da da, da, da da. And he called and people came down And I remember when he called my name and I went down and I remember how he looked at me because I was one of the three that made an A, and I remember how he looked at me with like oh, and I was like uh-huh.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yes, Yeah.

Brig Johnson:

I was that chick Because we were the ones in that meeting. Like they were like we don't know about her And like, let's just be true, like they didn't see many black females and they for sure didn't see a black female that had three single kids under the age of four right, like they was like how in the hell she was gonna do that. I was like y'all don't know about black women. Let me tell you.

Sade Curry:

Right.

Brig Johnson:

Show you. If I can show you better than I can tell you was a picture, that would be me, that that was two years.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, yeah, oh, that's amazing. And so you did that for 18 years and then you pivoted And I know we don't have a ton of time, but why Like? why leave? I mean, that just sounds like a juicy career.

Brig Johnson:

So fun, so juicy. I was like I was meant to do anesthesia. Like literally I worked labor and delivery. I only worked two days a week, two 24 hour shifts. I would work like a Monday and a Thursday and be off and not have to come back to the following like Wednesday. I had like a seven day period off, like once a month.

Sade Curry:

Perfect.

Brig Johnson:

My job was 10 minutes away. I loved working with mommas, black women like taking care of them, like it's okay, helping them, like keeping them calm, i all love it. Like if I had the momma who was scared of epidural and like, oh my God, i'm so afraid. I'm like it's okay, like I wouldn't be that anesthesia provider, it's like shut up, sit down, like no, like it's okay, baby, i know you're scared. Like I was very proficient in dealing with people in stressful situations and dealing with myself in stressful situations, when I got to show up for the momma, because it's like stat and she like she's hemorrhaging and we got to go to the OR and whatever. So I think there comes a time for me where I wasn't I loved my job but I wasn't growing And in order for me to grow, another change was gonna happen And I didn't wanna like going to management. Nope, cause I wouldn't wanna manage me. So I was like, no, i don't wanna do management, because when I want day off and everything I can be like I can be a holy terrorist. I was like, no, i don't wanna do manage cause I wouldn't wanna manage me. So, and it was like I knew I had, like I was 50. I was like I got another 20 years of this.

Brig Johnson:

So the way it started, though, wasn't I'm gonna replace my anesthesia career. The way it started was I'm just gonna do this part-time on my days off, cause obviously only work two days, so it's like this will be fun instead of me doing anesthesia part-time As well. Nurses, we always got two in three jobs we work. I was like I'll just do this part-time and it'll be fun, and that's how it started, and the impact that I was making on myself and my clients just grew, And eventually, i was like oh, these people are actually making money. And then, eventually, i was like, cause I was like I do anesthesia, Like. I was like no, i do anesthesia, yeah, like there's good reason to feel that way. Okay, yeah, yeah, y'all cute, y'all cute coaches, but I do anesthesia, right, and that identity started changing, and then it's like now I'm like when I introduced myself I'm just a coach, i don't. I'm like oh, yeah, i used to do Like. I'm like, yeah, no.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, what? so? your bio said you help. you know, black women become unfuck with the ball. What is that? What is that result Like when we go through your container and pop out on the other side? what's the difference?

Brig Johnson:

The difference is life still lives. Right, like life still lives, that's it. But it's when they tell you you know, in the interview you fight back. It's your spouse says you're not gonna make it. You fight back. When your mother says girl, don't do it, you're like yes. When you don't have a clue as to how you're gonna make it work, you say yes to you.

Sade Curry:

Nothing got stuck with you.

Brig Johnson:

Yes, it doesn't feel the pain, the disappointment. It just means that it doesn't stop us. So another way you can say it's unstoppable.

Sade Curry:

Mm, mm. I love that, Like I'm from the same place. Yeah, sia, one of my divorce playlist. Sia has a song called Unstoppable. It was one of my divorce songs, along with my song, and several others.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, oh, my goodness, brig, this has been just such an amazing, amazing conversation. Your story is so inspiring. I can't wait to get this out to the world. You are a life coach. Could you tell the listeners, kind of like, what does your work look like, what programs do you have available, and then we'll talk about where they can find you?

Brig Johnson:

Yeah, I work with. You can work with me two ways. I do have someone very limited one-on-one I don't think I have any openings right now, but there's a wait list for it And then I have a container deeply rooted. I call it the training ground, for it's emotional and mental training for the high achieving black woman that is struggling to thrive, not survive. A lot of us survive Like we got past the surviving. Now it's time to thrive and we can't figure out why we can't make those decisions, why we're still people pleasing, why we have an angst when we get the email or the boss calls or the co-worker is like why we're not showing up to four calls or like not really putting ourselves out there. It's like I help with that And it's I say like so that we can get our inner game trained to the Olympic level, because we got our outer game trained to the Olympic level.

Sade Curry:

Yes.

Brig Johnson:

To get our inner game trained, and so many of us concentrate on, like all of the strategies and everything, but our inner game isn't at the level, and so we got to get our inner game at the level of where our outer game is.

Sade Curry:

Yeah, and you have a podcast where you talk about this.

Brig Johnson:

Thank you for reminding me. I have a podcast.

Sade Curry:

It's called Breakthrough With Brig and it's on all of the Yeah we're going to link up to that And actually the reason it came back to my mind is as you were talking, I remembered some of the episodes that I'd listened to. one of them was on creating self trust, creating our own safety. Like you, have some really incredible episodes that you've put on there.

Brig Johnson:

Yes, yeah, and it's specific to all people and all women. Everybody, because I have white men, is like, well, you know, this is I can use this too, like you sure can, but I take it, i tell it from our as black women, our historical and cultural things, because there's some things that I think we need to understand about ourselves and the conditioning and why some things are just more difficult. Like people, pleasing is a thing, but for us it's like a thing. Yeah, because there's safety. Yes, because of the safety.

Sade Curry:

Historically there was safety implications that were there. Yeah, yeah, amazing. And if people want to work with you or they want to follow you or DM, you invite you on their podcast. I'll love it. I'll definitely find you.

Brig Johnson:

I'm looking forward to doing a podcast tour. This is the first time I've like told my VA. I was like I think it's time to start getting on podcasts. And she was like, really. And then, of course, you reached out to me. I was like, girl, i'm a good manifester.

Sade Curry:

Yeah.

Brig Johnson:

So you can follow me on Instagram at JohnsonBrig. That's the main thing. I do have a Facebook page, Brig Johnson, and if you want to know anything about my group then you can go to BrigJohnson. com\ group and get on a waitlist deeply rooted. I think it opens not even think I know it opens at the end of June, June 24th. I don't know when this will be aired, but either before or after. But it'll open up again.

Sade Curry:

Awesome, awesome. And all of those links will be in the show notes. So the podcast, the group, the websites, the social media links, listeners, i just highly encourage you to connect with Brig online, follow her work, definitely listen to her podcast, because there've just been some really incredible insights that she's dropped. If you're a woman of color or not, you will take something away. And, Brig, i want to thank you for being here and sharing so vulnerably sharing your story. I really appreciate it.

Brig Johnson:

Thank you, thank you so much. It was helpful for me to resend. I was like, yeah, that is how I did that. Oh yeah, that's where that came from.

Sade Curry:

Yep, yep, yep, yep, Yeah, yeah, all right, everyone, We want to thank you for your time and attention and we will see you next time.