Living the Reclaimed Life

Find Your People ~ Denisha Workizer Ep. 133

Denisha

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You do not have to do life alone. In this episode, we will talk about the impact of loneliness in our lives and the ways we can find our people. 

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Transcript is auto-generated.

[00:00:00] Have you ever been lonely today? We're going to talk about the impact of [00:00:05]loneliness in our lives and ways to find our people. Welcome [00:00:10] to living the reclaim life podcast. 

I'm Denisha. We're glad you're here for [00:00:15] conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant [00:00:20] life with Christ.

So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.[00:00:25]

Have you felt like this year [00:00:30] has gone so fast? It's hard to believe it's already the end of [00:00:35] August of 2024. We just launched our fall Reclaimed Life [00:00:40] groups, and it feels like just yesterday we were wrapping up our spring groups. [00:00:45] Every year in the fall and the spring, Reclaimed Story hosts a 12 week [00:00:50] intensive healing group online so you can join from anywhere in the [00:00:55] world.

And that is a group that is a safe group to process the pain [00:01:00] of your past. So if you are interested in joining us in the spring, you can go to [00:01:05] our website at reclaim story. com and click on the interest list. And [00:01:10] we'll be sure that you're one of the first to hear when we launch our groups in the spring, [00:01:15] but boy, has this year gone by fast.

On the topic of launching [00:01:20] Valerie and I each launched a child to college this month in other [00:01:25] cities. You guys, so many emotions. Let me tell you, as we sent [00:01:30] our children off to college, the thought that kept coming to me was that [00:01:35] they're on their own. They're going to a foreign city, a foreign place [00:01:40] to live.

They're going to sleep in a new bed. All of these things that are completely [00:01:45] not in their normal life for the past 18 years. And a [00:01:50] lot of times they're going to feel lonely for a little bit until they find their friends until they find [00:01:55] their people. And this month at Reclaim Story, that's what we're talking about.[00:02:00]

Uh, you may have seen on social media, we've been talking about how do we find our [00:02:05]people? Whether you joined a life group or not, it is so important that we [00:02:10] find our people. And why is it so important that we have people in [00:02:15] our lives to support us and that we can support them? Because there are so many [00:02:20] things right now in this world that is seeking to divide us.

And friends as [00:02:25] human beings made in the image of God, we are [00:02:30] designed to be together. We are designed for community and belonging and supporting [00:02:35] one another. And so that's what we're going to talk about today. It may be very tempting in the [00:02:40] busyness and the rush and the accelerated time that it feels like we're all going through [00:02:45] to isolate ourselves, to get too busy that we haven't let people [00:02:50] in to our lives.

How do we find our people? And why is it so [00:02:55] important that we find our people? Do you have [00:03:00] people in your life? Who is your support system? Maybe you can [00:03:05]immediately list names of family and friends that are in your corner that will be there for [00:03:10] you on the mountaintop when life is going great and there's celebration and [00:03:15] also in the valley when things are hard.

Or maybe you have mountaintop [00:03:20] friends that are there to celebrate with you, but you have a lack of valley friends, [00:03:25] friends that will climb into the pit with you when things are hard. Or maybe you have [00:03:30] Valley friends, people that will come in when things are hard, but you don't have people to celebrate [00:03:35] at the end of the day to click your glass with and toast life's [00:03:40] celebrations.

Or maybe you find yourself with neither group at your side. And you [00:03:45] feel alone. I remember last year, our team attended the global [00:03:50] leadership summit and Liz Bohannon talked a lot about [00:03:55] loneliness. And I want to share with you some of my notes from her talk, because this really [00:04:00] encourages us wherever we are in life.

It doesn't have to be a life group. It can be through [00:04:05] church, their activities, through clubs, through friends and family. But how [00:04:10] important it is. That we have people in our lives and that we find [00:04:15] our people. There is something that can actually threaten your health [00:04:20] more than diabetes, obesity, or smoking 14 cigarettes a day.[00:04:25]

And that problem is loneliness. We all know it to some degree and we have all [00:04:30] felt it. It's a psychological state that arises when we lack the intimate [00:04:35] and authentic relationships that we need to thrive. And guess what? Nearly [00:04:40] two out of three people in America would say that they are lonely. And here's what we [00:04:45] know.

There is still a lot of shame and stigma attached to being lonely. Two [00:04:50] out of three people are lonely, but only 12 percent of people are willing to [00:04:55] openly admit or talk about it. So the first thing we want you to know is that if [00:05:00] you feel alone, you are not alone in feeling alone. You are [00:05:05] not lonely because you're unsuccessful or not good enough.

You're not unlikable [00:05:10] or unlovable or unlucky or unworthy. You're not [00:05:15] difficult or annoying, although maybe some of us are, but you don't [00:05:20] need to feel ashamed or embarrassed because your loneliness is not an [00:05:25] accusation of your unworthiness. It's a signal. It's your mind [00:05:30] and body trying to tell you that you have an unmet need for connection.

[00:05:35] God designed us for connection. Our loneliness isn't a sign [00:05:40] that something is wrong with us. It's a signal that tells us that the [00:05:45] way that God has designed us is working. Our body is honoring the [00:05:50] way that God created us by raising a red flag and saying, Hey, we are not [00:05:55] okay. We are lonely. I believe that loneliness is not a [00:06:00] you problem or a me problem.

It is an us problem. And our [00:06:05] loneliness is not random or inexplicable or unavoidable. Our [00:06:10] collective loneliness is actually the result of the culture that we're all actively co [00:06:15]creating and building and designing together. From replacing our front porches [00:06:20] with attached garages so that we go into our home and it's like there's a moat around us [00:06:25] that keeps us separated from our neighbors.

We see our neighbors less than before. [00:06:30] We keep our face in our phones and we rely on DoorDash and Uber instead of having [00:06:35] a meal together. And although those are not bad or wrong in any way, [00:06:40] it is very helpful in our lives. But when we prioritize certain values above others, [00:06:45] that produces results in the long run.

One of those results [00:06:50] is the rapid rate of decline in time spent with friends. And the [00:06:55]increase of time spent alone that we've been seeing over the last decade. Liz [00:07:00] Bohannon says that in 2010, adults were spending an average of six and a [00:07:05] half hours a week with their friends. In about a decade, that decreased by [00:07:10] 59 percent to less than two hours a week.

So it makes sense [00:07:15] that those numbers, those statistics, our habits are impacting us. Every [00:07:20] age group and demographic is lonelier than ever. For Less than one out [00:07:25] of five moms would say, I trust my community with my faults [00:07:30] and weaknesses. That's 20 percent of moms. According to Barna [00:07:35] research, men particularly are five times lonelier today [00:07:40]than they were in 1990.

And one of the most alarming statistics is [00:07:45] for the first time in recorded human history, we're seeing that the younger [00:07:50] populations are lonelier than ever. We're in the midst of an epidemic [00:07:55] and there is such a great need and incredible opportunity for us as believers [00:08:00] to live according to God's design for us and from the instruction we see throughout [00:08:05] scriptures.

We talked about the mountaintop and we talked about the valley. [00:08:10] Galatians 6. 2 says, carry each other's burdens and in this way you will [00:08:15] fulfill the law of Christ. So I want to challenge you today. Friends, what would it look [00:08:20] like for you to carry? Someone else's burdens. And what would it [00:08:25] look like for someone else to help care yours?

I love a quote [00:08:30] from Mike Foster. I will carry the hope for you until you can carry it for [00:08:35] yourself. Do you have people in your life to click glasses with [00:08:40] in times of celebration? Do you have people in your life who will climb into [00:08:45] the valley with you and sit and not try to fix it, but just be with you [00:08:50] as a community, as an encouragement, and as a friend.

As I was [00:08:55] dropping my child off at a college dorm with all of her stuff that she [00:09:00]needs for the next few months. And I was getting in the car to drive away. I [00:09:05] found myself a little bit jealous. And I'll tell you why. I saw [00:09:10] her alone in a place she didn't know anybody. A total [00:09:15] uprooting of her life as she knew it.

She has one roommate and a [00:09:20] whole lot of people on campus that as of right now are strangers. But see, when you live on [00:09:25] campus at a college, your whole life is designed around [00:09:30] activities and clubs and classes, and there are so many ways to get involved. [00:09:35] And I found myself a little bit jealous. I thought, well, there's not clubs and [00:09:40] activities, and I'm not getting emails and texts every day saying, come to this lobby or [00:09:45] come here, we're having this and this activity.

And there's not all these fun things in my boring [00:09:50] life as an adult. But then I realized that I actually have the same [00:09:55] opportunity that she does to find my people. You see, we [00:10:00]don't have to do life alone. And you might be thinking, Denisha, I don't [00:10:05] have places to do this. I work from home. It's me and my cat.

This is what I do. I [00:10:10] order my groceries. I go drive, pull in the spot. They pick them up. I don't even run into people at the grocery [00:10:15] store anymore. And that is true. That is part of our convenience lifestyle that we can work from home. [00:10:20] We can have somebody else shop for us. For our groceries. So we don't see anybody, but friends, I want to encourage [00:10:25] you today to take the step to find your people.[00:10:30]

I want you to do that for so many reasons. One for our health, for our [00:10:35] lifestyle, our mental health, our physical health. We are not meant to do life alone. [00:10:40] And there are many ways as adults that we can find those clubs and activities and [00:10:45] fun stuff that our kids have the opportunity to engage with. One is [00:10:50] church.

If you are not in plugged into a body of believers, I want to encourage you [00:10:55] to do that. There are so many opportunities at churches to get [00:11:00] involved, to serve. It does our heart good when we serve and work alongside others. And we [00:11:05] never know when God is going to bring those relationships that might even last a lifetime.[00:11:10]

There's different clubs and hobbies. You know, if you play pickleball, that's like a whole thing [00:11:15]now. At our jobs, maybe we linger in the hallway a little bit more. Maybe it's an opportunity to [00:11:20] make a new friend. Maybe God's been impressing upon your heart somebody to reach out to, either [00:11:25] to check in on or just to connect with.

Maybe it's time that we do that. So in the [00:11:30] month of August and every day, I want to encourage you friends to find [00:11:35] your people. Find people that you can do life with, that will help carry [00:11:40] your burdens. And when we don't have hope, that they will carry the hope for [00:11:45] us. Maybe you're hearing this charge and thinking, Danesha, I've been hurt by [00:11:50]people.

To quote Mike Foster again, he says, if you sit by a [00:11:55] campfire, And you don't like the smoke in your face. Your hair smells like smoke. You have to take a [00:12:00] shower after the campfire. If you don't like that and you avoid campfires all together, [00:12:05] you also miss out on the warmth of the fire. You also miss [00:12:10] out on the conversations, the s'mores, all the great things that happen at a [00:12:15] fire around a campfire.

And the same thing is true with people. We may get a little smoke in [00:12:20] our face, but as we reach out, we may also experience connection and [00:12:25] belonging and love. And friendships. So I want to encourage you, friends, [00:12:30] bind your people. Next month in September, we are going to [00:12:35] tackle a big topic. Why you do what you do.[00:12:40]

We're going to discover valuable biblical and trauma informed insights to [00:12:45] understand yourself and others better. This is going to be a pretty [00:12:50] fantastic month on the podcast. We have Mike Foster. We have Robin [00:12:55] Blumenthal and Sanghoon Yoo. All three will have valuable insights to [00:13:00] help us understand ourself and others better.

So I'm super excited about [00:13:05] September. I'm going to give you a peek into the last quarter of this year, October, [00:13:10] we're going to talk about forgiveness in real life. Unforgiveness can be so [00:13:15] painful. It can even be an emotional prison. When we forgive, it brings [00:13:20] healing, peace and beauty to our lives. So join us in October for forgiveness [00:13:25] in real life.

Now, November in the United States, we have this crazy [00:13:30] election going on. And so in November, we're going to talk about creating healthy [00:13:35] boundaries because we know there's going to be a lot of divisiveness in our culture. We're going to [00:13:40] learn tools to safeguard your wellbeing and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling [00:13:45] relationships.

December, what a great time to look at our [00:13:50] relationship with God and we're calling it re imagined. And our hope is that as [00:13:55] we are created to do life with God, restoring our width in our [00:14:00] lives. Is going to bring freedom and fullness to our lives every day. [00:14:05] In December, join us for your relationship with God re imagined.

[00:14:10] This month, we pray that you will take a step out to find your people and that you would [00:14:15] join us in September for why you do what you do see their friends. [00:14:20] Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's [00:14:25] conversation and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay [00:14:30] connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story.

Want to learn [00:14:35] more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of [00:14:40] reclaimers? Check out our website at reclaimedstory. com. All of those links [00:14:45] and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast, [00:14:50]be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. Not only will you be the first one to [00:14:55] know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach [00:15:00] more people to live the reclaimed life.