MARCH ON, (Where Is The Road To Hanshan?)

March is a time of transition, the month between winter and spring. In Zen we March On, muster great determination, but also great resilience and ease. As we take a step upon a road, it becomes clear that we are exactly where we belong at the moment, just must be willing to be there fully.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi, how are you? Good morning. Good morning. This is Dr. Brenda Shoshana with another episode of our podcast, Zen Wisdom for Your Everyday Life. And here I am again. It seems we go on week after week, day by day. Our everyday life just continues, continues. And I'm so happy to be here with you. So thank you for listening. Wonderful to be back. So it is wonderful, even though I don't see many of you. I really feel you with me. I appreciate the beautiful, beautiful notes. And today's episode is called March On. March On. You know, in the Zendo that I trained at for many, many years, we always, every year in March, had a session, which is a little retreat. It was a weekend retreat usually in March, and it was called March On Sessine. I love that session. It was so special somehow. You know, March, here we are again in March. The winter is almost over, not quite, who knows? The spring is about to be here, but not yet. It's an interesting position we're in. Something is sort of over, but not completely. The next phase of life is about to come, but not yet. By the way, not yet is a wonderful koan. Not yet winter spring, not well today, of course, it's very much winter, but we're in the bardo here. We're in an in-between phase, March. And we always had what was called the march on session. And of course, just from the sound of it, even march on, dedicated to going forward, dedicating to renewing our dedication, our direction, the whole concept of marching. We're all marching together towards something, we're going somewhere. We're renewing our faith, our hope, our plan, whatever it is, our dedication, our direction. And there is, of course, of course, that aspect about Zen practice. March on, keep going. Sometimes very hard to do. Just like in life itself, very hard sometimes to march on, take the next step, hug the next person, buy the next grocery. Life itself just and practice is of course life itself, intensified. Life itself really has a way of knocking us down or shaking us up or giving us quite unexpected challenges that we're maybe not expecting, not prepared for, not able sometimes to deal with. We think, we think, we think, oh my gosh, how can I deal with that? And that is what march on session and Watzen practice itself comes to address. How can I deal with that? How can I get up and live again? March on. Maybe there's been an illness, maybe there's been a loss of someone you loved, maybe there's been a great disappointment or fear. How can I march on? That is a very intense and beautiful ko on, and it is a ko on that Zen practice comes to address and to respond to. And the answer is so simple. Just march on, you just do it. You get up, you put one foot after the other. When the time comes to sit, you sit. When the time comes to when the bell rings, time to get up, you just get up. As you sit, you breathe all by yourself. No big deal. Just whatever happens, you stay in that next moment. So from that point of view, yes, yes, march on from that point of view. Take the next breath. Drink the next cup of tea. Listen to the bell when it rings. Very beautiful. Very beautiful guidance and directions, and almost too simple to take it seriously. People don't take that kind of thing seriously, and maybe we don't have to take it seriously, meaning in a heavy way, but take it to heart is a better way of saying it. Good to take it to heart. However, what I'm going to really talk about today is something a little different. When we think of march on, setting directions, setting our goals, that becomes heavier. It becomes, oh my, I'm pl now I can never leave this pathway. Now I am committed, meaning imprisoned. For some people, commitment means imprisonment. That is not a Zen mind. This is not about imprisonment. When we are walking along in the Zen path, it's about freedom, not imprisonment. So even though we may have great determination to keep going, let's look at what that really means. Because as we've said many times, Zen practice is filled with paradox and contradiction. Great determination needed, yes, but also great playfulness, great resilience. Great fun. Great fun. Great joy. Great spontaneity. Zazen also gives us and the great ability to honor wherever we are on this path that we're marching along, and also the ability to take a rest. To breathe, to sit down, to feel the air on our face, take a rest. What are we resting from? We're resting from pushing, pushing, pushing ourselves and others. We're resting from thinking that we are in control of every little thing. If not, our goal-driven, tense mind is always demanding a certain outcome. Our tense goal driven mind. I must get here by two o'clock, I must get enlightened, I must get this, I must get that. I am practicing in order to get somewhere. And that's very interesting because in Zen we are we are where we are, and that's just fine. Nowhere to go. Great determination on the one hand and absolutely nowhere to go on the other. Nowhere to go because we always are just where we need to be. If we only believe that, if we only recognized it, we are always just where we need to be. We may not actually be there, we may not be resting in that experience, we may not be aware of it, awake to it, accepting of it. Our mind may be saying, No, I don't belong here, I should be there. I should be marching on. That's the ego mind. There's a beautiful little poem in Zen which says no snowflake falls in an inappropriate place. I'll repeat that. No snowflake falls in an inappropriate place, which just means we are always exactly where we are meant to be, where we're supposed to be. However, of course, when we fix upon a certain outcome, where we are right now isn't good enough. Oh my gosh, this isn't good enough. I'm not good enough. I belong here. I should have five million dollars by now. I should have lost 25 pounds by now. I should have the best girlfriend or boyfriend in the world by now. That's the ego-driven mind. I should, I should, I should. And if I don't attain it and I don't get it, I'm a failure, I'm not good enough. All of that self-recrimination ruining an absolutely beautiful day of being just where you belong. And also when we're fixed upon a certain outcome, we want to make sure that we've taken the right road. When I worked as a therapist for so many years, I would hear this so many times. Oh my goodness, am I going in the right direction? There's this fear, a real fear of that I've made the wrong choice, I've taken the wrong road, I'm gonna get lost, I'm gonna make a mistake. We're gonna talk about that more. That's the big terror. Oh my god, will I make a mistake? And maybe I'll actually never find my way home. Sad. When I was a little girl, I used to be very afraid that I wouldn't find my way home. Get lost, never see my home again. So interesting. In one way or another, we are beset with that, many of us, for many years. Zen practice, however, comes to tell us that we are always home. And that the so-called we mistakes we make along this road or that road, they don't really amount to anything much. Even along those winding roads, we're still home. We're still one. We're still with our true self. I hate that phrase, it's become too popular now. So let's just say we're still home. When we sit, we return to this home very vividly, to the home that we've never left. And we don't worry so much about the road. You know, that's very true, particularly in Zaza in that moment when we sit down on the cushion. Sit down right inside of ourselves, turning our attention back within, coming home. Beautiful moment. We're not so much worried about did we go on this road or that road? We just home. I have a beautiful little Zen story to tell you about this. There was this monk, of course, we always have our little exchanges, who was extremely concerned that he was not going in the right direction. He wasn't marching on. So he found a great Zen master and he rushed to the Zen master's home or monastery or wherever he found the Zen master, and he said to him, Where is the road to Han Shan? That was that monk's goal. It was his direction. He had to get to Han Shan. Where is the road to Han Shan? And the Zen master replied, There is no road to Hanshan. What a beautiful answer. There is no road to Han Shan. The monk, of course, was silent and shaken. If there was no road to Han Shan, how could he march on? How could he reach his destination? Now this is an amazing Kohan. Oh my goodness, this is such a profound koan. If there is no road to Han Shan or to your destination, how can you reach it? This Koan says, What is your true destination? Where is it? The roadless road is similar to the gateless gate in Zen. The gateless gate is a book of Koans. Wonderful, wonderful koans. The roadless road and the gateless gate is there and not there at the same time. Paradox. The road is there, but there is no road. The master, of course, was saying to this monk that there's no set road to embark upon or to cling to. Don't cling to one destination or one way to get there or even to one outcome. As you're marching on, don't even cling to marching. Every step we take is the destination. That's so beautiful. What a way to live. Every step we take is the destination. Take it. Take that step fully and be just where you are on the roadless road. Each step is the road itself, and one step fully and truly taken leads to the next. It will take you there by itself. If a step is fully and truly taken, meaning not worrying about the outcome of it, but just taking that step fully, the next step will be very in the same way. It will lead you truthfully to the next step. The outcome may not be at all what we've expected, of course. The road our feet travel upon may take us to a very unexpected place, or the road itself may be very unexpected, not where we thought we would be. But there we are. There we are. Zam practice warns us not to cling to expectations of where we're headed or how we're going to get there. Just one step at a time, truly taken on the road that never strays from home. So I as I usually do at the end of the podcast, I'd like to give you a few little exercises. In this one, it's quite simple and quite clear, isn't it? Where are you headed? Take a moment, take a look. How are you trying to get there? Are you allowing yourself to step carefully and fully and really feel the step that you're on, the road that you're on? Are you free to discover a new destination? Wow. That's exciting. Sometimes a brand new destination reveals itself. So take a look at where you're going, how you're trying to get there, and make sure you have plenty of time to stop, to sit, to rest, to breathe, and allow that to guide you to the next step. Thank you very much for listening today. You know, we are on ZenwisdomToday.com. That's the URL. And thank you for your beautiful, beautiful notes. And I really love receiving them. As I always say every week, keep them coming. They're terrific. And I love to be in communication with you. I will be in Manhasset giving a Zen talk either on March 13th or the 20th, I think it is, out with the Innesfata Zen group, who I love very much. And I also am offering a wonderful new workshop, which I'll tell you about called Zen Play, where we act out the koans, and it is touching and fun and also very moving. Very wonderful way to go deeper. So again, you can contact me at topspeaker at yahoo.com and I wish you all a very beautiful day, a very beautiful week as you march on the roadless road, the gateless gate. See you next week. Take good care.