Unleashing Your Sensual Self and Discovery: A Candid Chat with Sexologist J. Marie

Episode 386: Unleashing Your Sensual Self and Discovery: A Candid Chat with Sexologist J. Marie

In today's tantalizing episode, Ruan Willow sits down with the dynamic J. Marie, a certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. J. Marie shares her expertise on embracing sexuality, overcoming sexual trauma, and enhancing intimacy, both solo and with partners. Whether you're struggling to find your sexual confidence, curious about exploring new pleasures, or seeking guidance after experiencing trauma, J. Marie offers insights and practical advice to help you navigate the complex world of sex and intimacy.

Delving into topics like the importance of slowing down to savor sexual experiences, the benefits of sex toys, and the impact of digital censorship on sex education, this conversation is both enlightening and empowering. J. Marie also spills the secrets on libido-boosting foods and the role of pelvic floor exercises in enhancing sexual wellness.

Listeners will learn how to approach sex with an open mind, the significance of understanding pleasure beyond penetration, and how to communicate desires and boundaries within relationships. J. Marie's holistic approach to sexual well-being, coupled with Ruan's engaging style, makes for an episode that's as informative as it is steamy.

For more of J. Marie's wisdom, follow her on Instagram @boobtionary or @theboobifulsexpert, and check out her website via linktr.ee/boobtionary. Don't forget to tune into her podcast, "Come As You Are," for more sex ed and hygiene tips.

Ready to embrace your sexual journey with confidence and curiosity? Listen in and let J. Marie guide you toward a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.

Sexologist J. Marie, MBA, QMHP-A/C https://linktr.ee/boobtionary

Certified Sexologist, Sex Educator & Coach

Owner of Boobtionary: The Brand

Owner of Haus of Boobs, LLC

Headliner app 

 New books in presale mode:
Anderson, The Pool Service Man Turned Bull https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/andersonthepoolservicemanturnedbull

Ruan's latest erotic ebook release:  Sharing his Eager Hotwife: 2 Hotwife Erotica Shorts. https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/sharinghiseagerhotwifeaudiobook

BOOK 1 Sharing His Adventurous Wife, First Time Wife Share (Itty Bitty Vixen)
audiobook: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/sharinghisadventurouswifefirsttimewifeshareittybittyvixen
BOOK 2 Sharing His Gift Twice: Used by Two Men (Itty Bitty Vixen)
audiobook: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/sharinghisgifttwiceusedbytwomen
 

 Books and relationships entertainment by the podcast host Ruan Willow: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/
 

Transcript

Oh F*ck Yeah with Ruan Willow Podcast, season 4, episode 386: Unleashing Your Sensual Self and Discovery: A Candid Chat with Sexologist J. Marie. This transcript was created by Substack. It was not edited by a human so it is not 100% accurate. Please email ruanwillow@gmail.com with questions. 

SPEAKER 1

Hello, this is Ruan Willow with the Oh Fuck Yeah with Ruan Willow podcast.

I'm excited you're here.

I'm always excited when you're here because I love to talk about sex and my guest today is a sexologist.

J. Marie.

She's a certified sexologist, sex educator, and coach.

She's the owner of Boob-tionary.

Yes, that's what I said.

It's not Dick-tionary.

Take the dick out of it.

It's Boob-tionary, the brand.

Owner of House of Boobs.

and she is an amazing person to talk to.

We talked all about sex, two women talking about sex, talking about things, how we can have better sex, better relations with each other and be healthier in our sexual health and our mental health.

On my podcast I talk about things that are related to sex and sexuality and that includes erotica.

So come on back for my episodes on Tuesdays where I have erotica fiction

Wednesdays I release the exclusive level of the podcast which is $3 a month where you get my audiobooks and other exclusive audios that you only get as being a member there.

You can also be a member on my Patreon and on my Substack to get those same audios.

I have extra things in the Patreon but

Hey whatever you're into baby I hope you check out my books and I have audiobooks and erotic fiction erotica and erotic romance links down in the podcast show notes my current pre-sale books are Anderson the Pool Serviceman Turned Bull that's a part of my servicing the works

Men My Filthy Hot Wife Adventures with Lainey and John as they ve ventured into the hot wife way of life and she s getting it on with all the servicemen with John running the show.

So that s the third book in that series.

It s now in pre-sale mode and you can review it actually for free as an ARC on

Book Sirens and Story Origin App, but I'm not sure if it's ready on Story Origin App yet.

I need to check that.

But it is available on Book Sirens and you can get the review of the first two there as well.

It's also on online sellers, the first two novellas.

And my other one is The Sugar Daddies, which is four stories about being a sugar daddy.

So check those out.

I have a new audiobook live with Lacey Cross.

That's also a Hot Wife book.

And that one is Servicing His Eager Hot Wife.

Two Hot Wife erotica shorts.

So I narrate that with in my hands audio.

Very, very sexy male voice.

Okay, let's get into this.

This is an amazing discussion we had.

So I hope you learn from it.

I hope you enjoy it.

And hey, let's all have better sex, right?

Oh, fck yeah.

Let's go.

Hello everyone I'm super excited to talk to my guest today.

We have so much we're going to talk about and obviously it's about sex because my show is about sex and sexuality and erotica fiction.

I am really excited to talk with her and I want to welcome sexologist Jay Marie to the show.

How are you Jen?

Good how are you?

I'm doing great I am really excited to chat with you but will you tell everyone what it is that you do first of all so they can get oriented to your awesomeness

SPEAKER 2

Yes, of course.

I am a certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.

I'm also a student marriage, family, and sex therapist, meaning I'm still in grad school going through that whole process.

And hopefully, prayerfully, Ruan will want to call us all fingers, toes, nibbles, and nose that I'm fully licensed by the end of 2025.

Oh, nice.

Yes.

But more specifically, I help those in the sexuality space or sexology space.

So basically we studied sex as an art form to improve the quality of it for everyday human or the everyday body.

SPEAKER 1

Fantastic.

It's so important and it really just gets shoved off all the time.

So it's something that many people need help with because of how our culture is.

And so people aren't, you know, they're not enjoying themselves, right?

They're not immersing themselves.

They're kind of lost.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely absolutely and a lot of the a lot of the time the questions that I get come from people being lost even when it comes to solo play it doesn't even have to pertain to being partnered a lot of people because of the lack of education just in general don't know

How To Curate That Intimacy Within Selves Even Lead To A Sexual Relationship.

So yeah, it's a very lost art form in itself that I think society has shunned upon so much so people look at it in a negative view.

SPEAKER 1

Oh absolutely and you know I definitely used to be one of those people like I didn't even really get any sex toys until I was in my 40s like so I had none.

Right?

And I think every person needs to, you know, if they don't want to do sex toys, that's fine, but they still should know their bodies.

I think sex toys personally really help you learn your body.

SPEAKER 2

I agree with that.

I encourage everyone that I can, like you said they're not for everybody, but everyone that I can, I encourage them to get some sort of a sex toy.

It just boosts the momentum in the moment.

SPEAKER 1

It does.

It does.

And then some people I always hear the thing too, Oh, like, you know, men will say, Oh, it's replacing me.

Like, no, it's not.

SPEAKER 2

Hmm yes I hear that so often oh my gosh that is like one of the most common things I hear but it actually does not replace you like it's different sensations it's different pleasures different pressures and we're allowed to experience more than just one so it's not that I want to replace you I just want to add to you.

SPEAKER 1

Right and not only that I always think it's weird too because it's like your partner can use that toy on you you are they're actively a part of it if they're using it on you

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely like yeah it's like an addition it's it's more so like hey you showed up with this now let me add to that and make that more exciting for the both of us.

So yeah it's more or less like you know people see it as a crutch but it's really like to excite the moment to add more to that experience.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah like an enhancement right?

SPEAKER 2

Exactly exactly.

SPEAKER 1

Do you have a sex toy that you recommend people start with if they haven't never touched one?

SPEAKER 2

I would always go with something you can adjust for first-time starters because you don't want to get something that's like a one-size-fits-all and then it's way too strong, too much.

So I would always recommend starting with something small that you can adjust like maybe like a wand or something that vibrates so you can play around with like the different patterns, the different pressures, the different

you know settings that they come on because like I said again if you get something like a clit suction toy or something that may be too much too soon and that may turn you off from the experience of playing with sex toys or incorporating sex toys

SPEAKER 1

That's true.

That's really true.

And what I think is great about the wands is that sometimes they're kind of thought of as using on other body parts.

So they might not be as scary to people because you might think of using it on another part of your body that's not your genitals as well.

So it's kind of like it's just different somehow than the ones that are just only for your genitals.

Are you there?

Oh shoot.

Did I lose you?

Uh oh.

Hello?

I can't hear you.

I'm not sure if you can hear me.

Shoot I don't hear you.

Can you hear me?

Now I can hear you.

Oh my goodness what happened to my head?

This weird technology thing again.

I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER 2

As long as you can hear me now.

SPEAKER 1

Now I can hear you.

Did you have, I'll cut this part out, but did you have anything else you wanted to add about sex toys?

SPEAKER 2

Oh no I think I lost my train of thought so it's okay.

SPEAKER 1

Exactly.

So tell me what what does a sexologist do?

Because I think some people have a misconception like they think it might be something totally different than what it really is.

SPEAKER 2

Yes and I get this a lot.

A lot of people hear the word sexologist and they only see sex.

So they think that I'm more a sex worker than more along the lines of like a sex helper is what I look at it as.

So I'm not as much as

Sex Therapist as you see on TV where you sit down, we discuss things, I diagnose you.

Sexologist is more so we look at the statistical data.

We're more of the let's ask this question to see out of 100 women how many experience an orgasm through penetrative sex or

How Many Men Enjoy Oral Pleasure in 2023.

You know we're more of along deadlines and then with sex coaching it's more of like a guided reference point similar to basketball is what I always use if you have

You want to get better at the sport you're playing so you hire a coach.

The same with sex.

So you're going to hire a coach that's going to come in and show you not physically laying with you or engaging with you but just showing you demonstration-wide how you can improve your sex life.

SPEAKER 1

Oh absolutely.

When people come to you, are they like looking for, what are they looking for exactly?

Like how, when they approach you, what are some of the things they say?

So I just think it would give people an idea of what, if they're feeling those kinds of things, where they could go also to get help.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely, absolutely.

Some of my clients that have come to me have just wanted to become more sexual in their own bodies with their self and get comfortable.

Just being like sexually confident is more along the lines of what I call it.

Being able to just like look in the mirror and put on that piece of lingerie and just walk around the house confidently within self.

I also have clients that have experienced sexual trauma in their own past

and they're trying to grow beyond that and become that sexual being that they envision themselves being they just may need a little guidance along the way on how to get there because of what they've experienced and then I also work with couples some who have been diagnosed with like maybe erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness and things of that nature or they could be in menopause and experiencing different hormonal imbalances

So it's just a plethora of things but it's all rounded back to guidance, you know, I'm more of like a lot of people get us confused with like an actual like I say therapist you see on TV where we sit down, you talk about it.

I write you something and then you go home.

It's more hands-on than that.

Like for example, I will demonstrate a position and then I will watch you do that position.

So we'll actually have like live instruction in the moment at times.

So you can clone in on fixing what's, you know, what's wrong or what's challenging for you.

SPEAKER 1

Sure.

And then do you go anywhere into like the whole pelvic floor therapy stuff or is that like totally separate?

Cause I know there are people who are, that's, that's a separate thing or do you go into that as well?

SPEAKER 2

I'm more of like an intro piece to that.

I do have some pelvic floor therapists that I work closely with that I do recommend clients out to that need like further instruction with that.

But I can guide like clients through simple pelvic floor activities or positions that may work around some of the pain they may be experiencing within their pelvic floor or things like that.

So I'm more of like the beginning touch to pelvic floor therapy.

SPEAKER 1

Got it.

And so how do you meet with people?

Do you do it virtual or in person?

SPEAKER 2

Yes, absolutely.

So right now I do a bit of both.

And because I travel between different cities along the East Coast, most of my clients are virtual.

But if you are able to catch me in certain locations while I'm there, I do have some clients that elect to see me in person.

SPEAKER 1

Okay sure so you kind of offer both whatever happens to be working that's great and then I noticed you do something interesting so explain what this means to me what is a sex oh I can't talk a sex vision board party what does that mean?

SPEAKER 2

So it was it's an annual thing that I do and I started doing this because years ago I started doing vision board parties or a vision board within myself

before they were trending and it just helped me to kind of align with where I saw myself going year after year because a lot of the times we set resolutions but we never stick to them because we don't see them, we don't write them down, we don't develop steps and you know actually resolving those resolutions.

So the vision board kind of replaced that for me and then over time as I became you know more of this like sexologist, sex coach, sex educator I developed it into a sex vision board because oftentimes we lack the vision of where we want our sex lives to go you know we have this idea that's been you know painted through values and beliefs and tradition

that's just an act when it's actually much more than just an act, you know, grows with us as we grow and develop as humans.

And so year after year, you don't want to have the same sex, you know, what turned you on in 2019 may not even turn you on in 2024.

So, you know, you can't do the same things you were doing in 2019.

in 2024.

So how is that going to look different for you?

So let's sit down and develop a vision for that.

And so that's how the annual sex vision board party that I do came about.

That's awesome.

SPEAKER 1

Now is it is there any sort of like physical component to it or is it just you know virtual discussion something you think about how do you like play it out?

SPEAKER 2

There is actual content to it so you're actually developing a board so virtually you're given almost like a whiteboard of some sort or a virtual poster board and making a collage of your goal things you would like to try sexually

maybe places you'd like to try and play sexually or just where you want to take your sex life within the next year, realistically, you know, and achievably, and you make a collage of that on your board.

So you do walk away with having something to visually see every day to remind you of what you've set forth for that year.

SPEAKER 1

Oh, that's very cool.

Those are people put images on there and text I would assume, right?

SPEAKER 2

There's images, there's text because you have places you may want to do it like someone put an airplane.

There's another section where there's actual goals you can list like things.

you want to try maybe you want to try wax play this year or maybe you want to get into you know flogging you know something as specific as that you just write that out you know so there was different components to the board to make it look you know look a little aesthetically pleasing sure definitely now and speaking about kinks do you teach people about kinks or is it something you would just

SPEAKER 1

like discuss with them or because I know some one person I talked to once they thought that actually what people like you do is to try to convince people to do kinks and I'm like no no no no that's a good one you know right risk-guided but no

SPEAKER 2

again more of like that intro piece so I can connect you with those people who are definitely professionals in the specific kink practice you're looking to go in.

I am like that preliminary education you need going into that so that you're not walking in blindly not knowing anything about it you know and just saying hey I think I'm to do this and then discovering it's something you may not really even enjoy.

so I would be that person to say hey there's a wax play exhibit going on in town that I think you may enjoy that's open to people who are introducing themselves to it this may be a great way for you to introduce yourself to this and try it out before engaging fully so I may nudge that client to go to that event I don't force them you know I just make the mere suggestion

Now if they go, I ask for feedback, I ask what they enjoy, and then we'll talk about things that we've discussed, like I said, preliminary to get them ready for that experience.

SPEAKER 1

Very good.

Now do you find that there's, so I'm going to ask like a regional question.

Do you work more with people on the East Coast or throughout the country?

And do you notice a different trend in different parts of the country with relation to sex and sexuality?

SPEAKER 2

I do notice that in certain areas along the East Coast is more widely accepted.

I will say I am worldwide, but I'm more along the East Coast because that's where I can frequently visit.

On the West Coast, I'm only as far as Houston right now.

but I'm currently trying to branch into Cali.

But I do find like down South in like your areas of Florida, Georgia and those areas are well more open to like the sexology field for what it truly is versus like where I'm centrally located in like the Virginia, North Carolina area.

It's not as widely accepted and a lot of people are still very close-minded when it comes to the field of sexology.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah that's so frustrating isn't it and it's just it's hard it's hard to stomach.

SPEAKER 2

It is it's very hard to stomach it's very hard to even like host events or even market this area because people are so turned off by the the the word sex that they don't even understand that it's more of an educational portion to it so yeah it's very disheartening.

it's kind of like they hear the word sex and they think oh shame oh taboo oh no they just like shut down exactly exactly and like they don't even pay attention to anything past those first three letters and it's always been that way for this area so it's very hard to break into you know what I do here so my clientele like I said has to be somewhat virtual because I am in this area or else I wouldn't really have much business

SPEAKER 1

Do you tend to speak with more women or men?

SPEAKER 2

I would say honestly even I used to speak with more women but now the men have kind of teetered their way up even from an educational standpoint it used to be like a lot of blocking men because of course they thought it was the wrong thing but now I guess I've kind of my algorithm has kind of weeded those out and I get those men now that are genuinely wanting to like be educated so it's about even.

SPEAKER 1

Oh that's cool that's good to know.

as yeah I'm just curious like you know which people are more open to to what you do.

Which tends I mean obviously it's just a trend but it's just it's interesting.

So where else do you do your sex ed?

Because I think I noticed you're on the you go on the Moan app sometimes and you're on Bloom is that right?

SPEAKER 2

Yes I do post events that I host a lot on the Bloom community app.

I do have a lot of audio rooms on Moan

I'm also on Instagram and I do have a podcast, Come As You Are.

It will be coming back at the end of this month.

I'll be dropping my teaser for this upcoming season.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah.

And so on what on your podcast you do sex ed then?

SPEAKER 2

Yes, I do sex ed there as well.

So I will drop I do a little more hygiene tips as well because I do have a lot of female listeners who ask a lot of hygiene based questions that kind of embarrassing to ask like your friend or a family member, you know at a young age.

So I'll have an anonymous question box where they can ask and we'll answer it on the podcast.

SPEAKER 1

Oh, that's good.

And so what's your opinion of

Full Feminine Hygiene Product Stuff.

Is it necessary?

Is it harmful?

SPEAKER 2

Is it good?

Much like anything else like you do with foods or anything you have to play around with what's gonna work best for you because I'm not bashing any brands but I've used certain brands that have thrown my pH completely off and I've gained like a bacterial infection from it and I've used brands to where I'm okay.

You don't need it in your vaginal area.

I mostly use it for like my pubic area or my pelvic area just to keep those areas fresh.

I always say wherever you grow hair is where you should wash.

That's mostly where I use those hygiene products for like the lips and the inside folds and things of the vagina.

I strictly am water-based, warm water only.

And I do think that that should be promoted a lot more than it is because you don't need anything.

We are built to self-clean in that area.

SPEAKER 1

That's not true it's not it's not promoted at all I don't think nobody talks about that and most people wouldn't think that water would be enough right they'd be like no no no I need I need some kind of product I need some kind of soap exactly I was gonna say because we're so prone to say to say soap means clean right but it really doesn't like we're okay with just water in certain areas and it's actually healthier for us

I've heard too that sometimes sex when your partner would come inside you that can actually even though it's natural that can actually mess up your pH can it?

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely because we're acidic and they're the base so we are like polar opposites of each other if that makes sense.

The way our bodies work it's like we fight off each other internally as well but you know we need each other to procreate so it's like it's like

this weird balance that we go through.

But yes, absolutely.

It can throw your pH off.

It can also lead to like bacterial infections.

And it's, that's why it's important to know who you're laying with, you know, I always say full face is needed.

But it's still important to be protected in those in those phases of life.

SPEAKER 1

What do you tell women to do after sex then?

I mean, because I've heard some people say, Oh, you should pee after sex.

Is there anything you recommend that a woman would do to her pussy after sex?

SPEAKER 2

I would definitely say using the bathroom is number one.

Just urinating you're kind of relieving yourself of some of those bad toxins that get put inside us as that and that sexual transaction that we're having and that penetrative moment.

So peeing will relieve a lot of that out of our bladder and our area just sitting there, you know, so I would definitely say use the bathroom even if you don't think you have to just sit there.

I guarantee it will help.

definitely replenish those fluids you know that are going out because even if you're not used to like i'm not saying you have to like squirt or ejaculate in those manners but you're sweating you know you're a little dehydrated and sex is a workout so if we're working out in the gym we want water we're at border after you're having sex it's going to replenish and help you rejuvenate some of what you just lost

SPEAKER 1

That's great.

I don't feel like that's really talked about very much either to drink water after sex.

Like it's just not it's not mentioned.

But yeah, it makes total sense.

It does, right?

SPEAKER 2

It's just those little essentials that like that we don't really think about and it seems so easy because it's just like just drink water, but it's so hard to adapt to those new habits.

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER 1

Now, how about lube?

What do you have to say about lube?

I know that obviously that could affect your pH as well, obviously, because you're putting something in there that's, you know, not necessarily natural.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely.

Lube is very tricky.

You will have to work with what's best for your body.

There's different types and they exist for a reason.

Not everybody's gonna like oil, not everybody's gonna like water-based, not everybody's body is gonna be

prone to silicone.

So I always say please experiment and experiment on the back of your hand first or maybe like an area like your breast tissue because those areas are most like your vulva area.

Break out there.

Do not use it on your vulva, like your vulva, your vagina area.

So use it on the back of a hand, just a little dab, rub it in, see how you like the textures, if it dries quickly then it's not for you, things like that.

And if you're going to break out and you see any redness, any soreness on the back of your hand or like in your chest area, do not apply that lube anywhere else.

SPEAKER 1

That's a good call because I mean, you know, do not want to introduce redness and pain and irritation down there because you know, it's closed off behind your clothes.

It just can get yeah, that just yeah, I hadn't thought of that before but that's that's a great idea to test it on but I wouldn't have known where to test it right?

Like I would have thought I would just test it right on my lips my lower lips.

I wouldn't have thought of other parts of my body like my breasts or my hands.

SPEAKER 2

Yes, exactly and that's the thing you just want you want to be safe you want to be careful But you also want to use a realistic area that's going to kind of portray the same Skin sensitivity that would would involve a vagina area so the back of the hand or like I said part of the chest would definitely equal But you do have to be careful right because there's certain lubes you can't use with certain sex toys right the silicone Yes, I had to learn this the hard way

I've had a toy that I've used a silicone toy with silicone lube and it broke the toy down so bad that the toy.

I just threw it away.

Oh, wow.

I couldn't even wash it without it just getting to be too messy to where I didn't even want to apply it to the skin anymore.

Yeah, so definitely don't use silicone toys with silicone lube.

It will extremely break it down.

and be careful washing your toys as well make sure you can submerge it in water prior to and submerging it in the water

SPEAKER 1

yeah it is it is kind of a chore to wash some of these toys because like I have I have a whole bunch but you know some of them have these like grooves like those rose glitz suckers they have the grooves in there and all that and I always run my finger through there so it is a little bit of work but it's still a fun toy it has a great aesthetic and it's just you know it's pretty I mean it's fun and it works fantastic but yeah you really have to like get in those grooves sometimes right like otherwise stuff could grow

SPEAKER 2

you're absolutely right like getting into those groups like even some of my lesbian friends that have those they have straplines and I want to work with them but it's a very very healthy thing that they do is they'll wear condoms with their straplines when they are using them with multiple partners for the sake of

Cleaning those hard-to-clean areas, you know, you don't want that bad bacteria stuck in there and now you're with a new partner and they're experiencing that bacteria that's been stuck there for weeks or days, you know from someone else.

So, condoms, you know, is a way to safeguard having to clean those hard-to-clean spaces.

SPEAKER 1

Wow that's interesting I never heard that but and also some of those dildos that have like the veins on like the you know dildos that look like a realistic dick they have like those veins and stuff so you those you know even if I clean them really well sometimes I can still see like a little bit of film and I'm sure it's probably from lube but it can stick in there even though you think you've fully washed it and scrubbed it with your hands it dries you still have a little bit of white residue so it's still

there's something there.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely especially when you have the little head and it's very pronounced those ridges underneath right there at the corona like it's oh my gosh it's very hard to clean.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah it is now have you done any if you ever tried those sex toy cleaners like I've seen those but I've never tried one.

SPEAKER 2

I've had one but I don't often buy them because it's it's okay to use what we used like those

Feminine products we were talking about.

It's okay to use those.

So I'll often use what I use to clean my pubic area for my sex toys.

So I don't specifically buy cleaner anymore, but I have and it does work just as well.

SPEAKER 1

Right.

And I guess that's another thing to buy when you can use even just soap and water.

SPEAKER 2

That's how I look at it.

But like I said, it is a product that works.

I just don't see the need to buy it if I can use the same thing that I use at home.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So tell me about your store this is cool so on Instagram I looked and you're at House of Boobs so this is cool this is boob accessories right?

SPEAKER 2

Yes so we're going through a little bit of a relaunch but we are everything boob except a bra so typically the idea came from not having those accessories needed

outside of your typical everyday bra like your breast tape or your nipple covers or the clamps to you know clamp your bra strap together in the back of your bra or like a bra size extender or just those everyday things we need associated with like breasts and upkeep and things like that so that's where the store kind of derived from.

SPEAKER 1

That tape is really interesting so and the kind of the thought is if you want to wear like a strapless

I still have some supports that you're not having a bra just like straps, you know, bra straps hanging out on your shoulders when it's strapless.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Or backless or, you know, the different versatile ways we have like different shirts, but bras just don't work.

So the tape is sort of like a replacement measure that kind of blends in with the skin.

Like, so it's not noticeable and you still get to pull off that image of you're like wearing no bra or you're, you don't have that support that you have.

SPEAKER 1

So is it a one-time use with that tape then?

There's like a roll of tape or how does it work?

SPEAKER 2

Yes, so it does come in a roll and it is a one-time use at the moment, but the roll is very, it's very large.

Like I've had my one roll for a couple months now and I still have that entire roll.

So I cut it and I will, you know, make the shape that I need it to be at that moment out of that roll.

So I'm not using a whole roll at one time.

you're only using maybe a couple inches of the roll and then cutting that to what you need.

SPEAKER 1

And now does it hurt when you peel it off?

SPEAKER 2

This is a question I get often especially when I'm doing like pop-up shops and things.

It can be very painful

If you are not aware of how to properly take it off.

I use baby oil sometimes or I will shower.

If you get in the shower and just wet your rag or your hand as you do with your soap and water and you use the soap and water on the outside of the tape, it will wash right off in a very pain-free way.

SPEAKER 1

Okay, that's very good to know.

SPEAKER 2

Otherwise, it is very much on because it is surgical grade so it is very painful to yank it.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah that sounds terrible.

Yes very much so.

Especially on your nipples like okay there yeah it's not the kind of kink I want to do.

SPEAKER 2

Oh God, it's very painful.

Yeah, it sounds terrible.

SPEAKER 1

But that's cool.

And then you have a lot of the pasties too, like the fun different little designs and stuff like that.

SPEAKER 2

Yes, and the different skin colors because I thought it was very interesting.

Like it was very hard to find like different skin variations for breast.

Oh, yeah.

You know, it was a need for us women in all colors to have that.

SPEAKER 1

That's interesting because I mean, when I think about it, I do feel like my breast skin might be a little bit

more pale in my case because I'm white and then other parts of my body but I hadn't really thought of that like probably if I would have went to the store I don't know if they sell it in the store but I would compare it to my arm not thinking about the fact that it's actually it's a slightly different shade

SPEAKER 2

Very much so and a lot of women do that when they come up to my table If I'm doing a pop-up shop, they will stick their arm out and I'll say actually no, I don't need your arm I need like your shoulder or something lighter.

Yeah And they don't realize that they're a light lighter in the area.

So yeah, the different shades very much matter.

SPEAKER 1

Yeah, totally

So let's touch on a little bit about your participating in something where we're looking at digital censorship or people who are trying to do sex education, right?

And so this is a huge problem and what really bothers me is that all of these companies can do basically the same kind of image and they get away with it and someone else who is maybe doing education a similar image will get topped out.

SPEAKER 2

Mhm, mhm, absolutely.

It's been an ongoing problem that I've seen worsen over the years

when I initially first started back in like 2018 it wasn't as bad but I will say this was pre-pandemic as well so the algorithm was it was a thing but it wasn't as much of a thing as it is now a lot of the policies and procedures were a lot more lenient than they are now as far as what you can promote in sex education so now it's even hard to just

put up a regular post and mention the word sex or even try to rephrase it so that you know people still understand that you're talking about sex but you have to spell it a different way or you have to develop a clever way to say it you know but they'll still flag it because they know that's what you're trying to do now so it's very hard to work around you know this new way of social media

SPEAKER 1

Yeah and it just it just feels so messed up like I didn't really start doing all this until 2019 so I didn't get to see the

that whole time where before it was you know so bad like it is now so that's interesting that the pandemic made it worse.

Wow.

SPEAKER 2

It did and I think that all being at home together and having kind of nothing else to do but social media works in that for us because you know that that rush to that social aspect that we all lost because now we're home alone or we're not home

and we can't socialize so we have to go to social media it's like okay now we have to put more stipulations on it because more people are using it more eyes are on it so their way of doing that was to attack the sexuality field as a whole you know.

SPEAKER 1

Right and so you're collecting stories right about this happening to people and what are you going to what's your plan?

SPEAKER 2

The plan is, I know the Department of Social Justice was also doing something on this as well.

They're trying to bring attention to it on a national broadspan and gather the stories or like from educators and creators like myself who are experiencing the digital censorship and they're actually trying to put out like educational information and they're experiencing it on different outlets so

outside of just Instagram like myself some people are experiencing this on like TikTok and some people are experiencing this on YouTube and Google ads and things like that so they're trying to collect data from every avenue so that when they do go to like Meta or Google to try to attack it they have like a petition of signatures you know behind them backing what they're saying

SPEAKER 1

Oh absolutely like I am on my fourth attempt to have a YouTube channel.

Oh wow.

Yeah and my first one I had 50,000 listens before they decided to ask me.

50,000 and my next three have gotten nowhere near that so you know I'm obviously hampered

You know you have to create a whole new email if you're going to create a new YouTube channel so I don't know that they're linked but someone gave me the advice after my third kickoff they said don't put on any of the old episodes that you put on the old three channels because they might be able to

Since that and I know because I got really I get kicked off really fast the third time and I'm like I wonder if that's what it was.

So now I just only do episodes going forward instead of doing that backlog.

But what really makes me nervous is now I hear that Google is no longer going to be doing podcasts, right?

So they're going to take all these podcasts and they're going to put them on YouTube.

Well, what's going to happen to me then?

I'm just going to get abolished because it's going to go to YouTube and YouTube is very strict about sexuality.

I'm Just Gonna Get Kicked Off.

SPEAKER 2

page was at about 6k and the third page was at 4k and they shut them all down.

So I'm in the same boat as you with YouTube with TikTok and so I'm very skeptical now as to where I promote and how I promote.

It's very much think outside the box.

SPEAKER 1

Oh yeah like I'm actually on TikTok too but I've had some posts taken down.

I'm still there but like I have some that have like for instance recently I've posted some things and they get 2,000 views.

Well they don't like one of my posts all of a sudden the rest of my posts they're going forward I'm getting like 20 so you know.

Yeah, yeah, it's very frustrating.

They hate sex over at TikTok.

I think they hate it more than YouTube.

SPEAKER 2

I think so too and it's very ironic because you can put up the exact same video across each platform and to see how they react to the exact same video is very interesting.

It is.

SPEAKER 1

Absolutely it is but it's so frustrating it's like you know especially someone like you that is doing education it's like that's just messed up and you know what I don't understand is that obviously we have these algorithms and all of that there are ways to funnel these things to people based on age based on what they're normally viewing so why are they doing this it's like they're it's like overkill

SPEAKER 2

It is in a way it's like they're they're filtering the funnel even more by having the algorithm there because like you said they are in a way already controlling what we see, you know, based on how we interact and based on other things that we do along our, our own interaction.

so to funnel it even more and say hey you put up a post you may have 10,000 followers but we're only going to send it to the first 500 if only 100 of them interact with we're not going to send it to the rest of them because it's a slow post like how do you determine that you know right the rest of my following would have loved to see that and probably would have engaged had it reached their timeline

because the way the algorithm is set up they'll never see it.

SPEAKER 1

Right and this this points to actually posting things more than once because you know it may reach a different amount of people but it's very frustrating when yeah like you know you're getting shut down and you're trying to advertise what you do and you're trying to help people and they're like blocking you it just feels so just wrong it pisses me off

People need help people need this stuff where you know our sex ed in the US is just shit so That's the worry It's not getting any better for kids today either.

You know, it's like when are we gonna fix it?

And I know it's not that easy, but it's really not that hard either

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely and it's just again it goes back to like our traditions and rooted in for so long is that sex is wrong sex is wrong but behind closed doors everybody's doing it but nobody wants to talk about it in the forefront because you know you're still painting this image that it's wrong and the more you create these policies against the education of it the more people are going to believe it's still wrong so you know we have to go and correct like the history of it

Which is going to take time, you know, it's not an overnight process, but we have to be willing to do that.

And I don't think we're there as a society yet.

SPEAKER 1

No, no.

And I feel like, yeah, I think maybe it was a pandemic that set things actually backwards somewhat.

I'd agree.

At least we have podcasting, a podcasting platform though because this is where this stuff can be talked about and they can't shut it down.

They can shut down how you advertise on social media but they can't shut down the podcast itself.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely absolutely and I think that's the one free outlet that we still have as people and I think that's why everybody's kind of running to like podcasting now because it's still like our only sense of like a freedom of speech if you will even in like the space of sexuality we can openly say what we need to say on airways but you know to to put that in a post we're still wrong so it's like our saving grace at the moment

SPEAKER 1

But what's so annoying to me is that you know I've seen you know someone who is maybe posting a sexy picture of themselves and they're a coach and they'll get censored but yet how many advertisements can you see someone wearing the exact same thing or even more sexy and yet they get to keep doing it so it's just it just shows what a double standard it is and there's nothing we can do about it other than what you're you know collecting that information at least hopefully maybe someday that will make a difference.

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely though, that's a very valid point because even I've been told behind the scenes if I was to change my gender on my actual Instagram profile to male, I will be less of a target for my post to get flagged than if I leave it as female.

Right, there's very much a double standard that still exists.

Very much.

SPEAKER 1

I think too, my personal thought is that I think that these platforms treat people with larger accounts different than the small account people.

SPEAKER 2

I would agree with that because I've seen some of the larger accounts, they will do the very same thing some of the smaller accounts are flagged for.

And then you'll see the small accounts page gone in like two or three days whereas the larger account is still doing the same thing they were doing two or three days ago and they have yet to be flagged, removed, or banned for doing that.

SPEAKER 1

So very much so.

Yeah that's disgusting I know.

So tell me some other pieces of advice that you tend to give people that you know common problems or things that you like to tell people that you feel like a lot of people don't know.

SPEAKER 2

The one thing I always say to everyone because the one thing that I don't think we do as whole and I say we because I'm included in that is to slow down and take our time with sex.

a lot of the time we rush through it and we're looking for that that rush of pleasure and the experience when we take away from enjoying it for what it is and if we slow down and take our time you know enjoy the pleasure in that moment we'll get what we're looking for

So I would definitely say slow down for what it is and you're allowed to enjoy more than one pleasure, you know, pleasure is not one-sided, you know, you're allowed to like penetration, like scissoring, you're allowed to like wax play and like flogging, you know, you don't have to think that pleasure is like very one-sided because it's not.

SPEAKER 1

Yes and you keep an open mind and I'm sure you run into people where you know when you're doing dealing with couples where someone wants to try something and the other front the other part of the couple does not right?

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely that you run into that actually more common than you think you do with especially like new couples that are getting together and when I say new like the relationship is still like under five years or so

A lot of the time you will get the woman wants to explore and the male doesn't.

So you'll have to work with them and understanding and opening up that mindset to you know, you're not going to always fulfill everything someone else wants, you know, and they're not going to do that for you.

It's okay if they want to experience other pleasures in other ways.

It does not take away from your value with that person.

You know, we're allowed to have multiple children and we're supposed to love them all the same.

We're allowed to have multiple friends and we're supposed to love them all the same.

We have multiple pets.

We love them all the same, but we can't have one partner.

You know, sometimes that doesn't make sense.

So you have to like understand that common ground between the two to where you can level out and have multiple partners and get exactly what you're needing in your sex life.

SPEAKER 1

Isn't that interesting?

Like I've heard that phrase before where it was something like he said, if she does this, it takes away from me.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

And I'm like, that like puts it all on you and totally disregards her.

SPEAKER 2

It makes it more about the person instead of the act of what it is.

And it's like, sometimes you have to tell people, you know, it's not about you.

Take yourself out of it, you know, just look at the situation without individualizing it, you know, and sometimes that works.

Sometimes people are like, oh, aha.

I see it now.

But you know, sometimes you do have to go and dig a little deeper because it's hard to not think about you in a certain moment.

You know, we always want to say, oh, it's me.

It's me.

It's me.

But sometimes it's not about you.

SPEAKER 1

Exactly.

I always think of that Incredibles movie where she yells at the dad, it's not about you, you know.

And I hear stuff like that and I'm like, yeah.

It's so true.

Now, do you ever have to deal with people who are in abusive situations and who do you direct them to?

SPEAKER 2

I actually do.

I direct them to a couple of colleagues that I know in my area that specialize in that type of trauma.

I'm more so of like your sexual trauma.

So if you're in like I would say like domestic situations that are abusive, I tend to refer to my colleagues for that more.

The sexual trauma aspects of that or getting you back to like your sexuality after trauma, experiencing trauma.

But

more of being like in a domestic situation while I can guide you somewhere I don't I don't necessarily deal with that like hands on.

SPEAKER 1

Right and not like therapy of that.

Right, right, right, right.

Do you find it hard to have people like, is it, is it a hard struggle for people to get back to a good place after sexual trauma?

Is that like, I don't really know what that looks like.

Is that like really, is it, is it a big challenge for people?

I suppose it probably is, right?

SPEAKER 2

Yes.

No, I would say varies depending on the situation or I would say severe cases is very, very hard and it takes years of

Unlearning, relearning, learning new things before you're even comfortable with like the slightest touch and visuality or something but you know for someone who may may have been able to speak up for themselves or may be able to vocalize what happened it may not be as hard to overcome it

physically as it would mentally.

So it may not take as much time, you know, to overcome it as someone that's both having hardships mentally and physically with sexuality after experiencing trauma.

So it just varies based on what that person has experienced and how willing and open they are to overcoming that because that healing process is not easy, you know?

No, it's not.

It's very hard to go down and a lot of women who experience that, even men, it's hard for them to realize the amount of time it takes to heal from sexual abuse.

SPEAKER 1

Oh I bet and it's probably the kind of thing where they don't realize it until they're in the situation and they're just not going well or not going how they expect so it becomes something that like can rip open over and over again right?

SPEAKER 2

Absolutely because a lot of times I will tell my clients you don't you can think you're healed until you actually get in another situation where it's presented with something and that can set you back so you never know when that may come.

So anything can always trigger you or set you back and you thought you were over it but now here you are presented with this new challenge.

So yeah definitely agree.

SPEAKER 1

Before we end I wanted to ask one other thing too.

What about libido?

Do you ever talk with people about how to increase their libido or is that not something that you go into?

SPEAKER 2

Oh absolutely love the conversation with increasing libido especially with foods and I've even touched on this on my podcast with tying in as well to the pelvic floor exercises like doing yoga and eating certain fruits that are acidic in nature and

eating foods that kind of are natural aphrodisiacs that kind of enhance your libido on their own and do things that increase your your blood flow circulation throughout your body.

So yes definitely I focused and touched on increasing libido as well.

SPEAKER 1

Awesome can you share a food with us that's that's beneficial?

SPEAKER 2

Yeah so a lot of people like strawberries but I will also tell you that mangoes are very much increasing libido like I love a good mango it's a natural and so definitely like your mango intake if you're struggling a little with like hormonal imbalance.

SPEAKER 1

Right oh that's great to know and they're so good so hey there's a bonus of that too absolutely nice and juicy exactly this has been so amazing i really enjoyed chatting with you but will you tell everyone where they can find you the names where you are maybe on social media your website or anything else you'd like to mention

SPEAKER 2

Yes so I am Boobtionary on pretty much everything social media and that's B-O-O-B-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y.

It's Dicktionary but you take out the dick, insert a boob.

SPEAKER 1

I was gonna ask that how you came up with that name.

I love it.

SPEAKER 2

Yes, I was literally staring at a dictionary and so I need a I need like a one-size-fit-all where like women can go for like sex and hygiene and like female stuff and I was like yeah dictionary like we could just look it up and I was like what about boob-tionary?

Perfect.

Awesome.

Thank you.

SPEAKER 1

and then on Instagram are you called let's see did I write that down what what are you on Instagram I don't think I wrote that down yes I'm boobtionary on Instagram or you can find me at the boobifulsexpert okay and then your website is boobtionary too right

yes yes it's I use my linktree linktree.com forward slash boobtionary or you can put in I guess boobtionary.com awesome well thank you so much Jen this was awesome I really enjoyed talking with you and just a great topic of things that people need to know so thank you so much of course thank you as always this was fun you have a good day you too okay bye-bye

Thanks for listening to that.

I hope that you found it helpful and you can find her information down in the podcast show notes.

Find Boobtionary on Instagram and her links are down there so you should be able to find her if you should like to follow her and

Use her services as a coach and interact with her in some way shape or form.

So thank you for coming on and it was a wonderful chat.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Don't forget my podcast is also on Full Swap Radio Network.

On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I have an app and online.

On Tuesdays my show airs at 8 a.m.

Central Standard Time and on Wednesdays at 6 p.m.

oh geez 6 or 6 30 p.m.

Central Standard Time.

and then I'm also having my show is on the network PodNationTV.

which is on Roku TV and Fire TV devices, Amazon Fire.

So you can watch and listen to a bunch of my episodes and the view on demand.

And I have sexual health there.

I have talk radio and erotica stories.

So check us out there.

We have so many amazing.

Oh, and this is exciting.

I am going to be a co-host to the Happy Hour podcast.

I am going to be on a YouTube live video

And it will be chest down for me.

So I'll be the headless horseman again, although I'm not a man and I'm not hung like a horse But my chest will be on there you can see me neck down and I will be the co-host for the happy hour podcast Oh, and I didn't say when it is Tuesday the 23rd of January at 7 30 p.m Eastern and I do believe it airs and stays on their podcast channel after that and

So after the live portion, if you missed the live, you can watch it in their YouTube channel, on their YouTube channel.

I don't know how it's a fcking appropriate way to say it.

I don't give a fck.

I just hope you enjoyed this and please check out my books and support me and I would love it if you read my books, gave me a review,

Review my podcast, share it, help me grow.

If you like my content, I really would appreciate that.

And it really makes a big difference to have people sharing and commenting and people who enjoy, you know, hey, if you like it, please let the world know and share me.

All right, you have an amazing fcking day.

Love ya.

And hey, get out there and make sure you enjoy your body.

Make sure you come today.

Get all those lovely hormones coursing through your body, stress relief, making you feel good, enjoying life and pleasure and keeping your genitals healthy because when you orgasm baby, you're sending all the blood down there.

That'll keep you healthy and having better orgasms.

I'm going to have a secret thing coming up pretty soon.

I get to try out a supplement for better sex and

Better Orgasms.

I'm so excited to try this with this company.

I'm doing a trial.

So stay tuned for that.

I cannot wait to share my results of using this natural sexual supplement.

Okay, you have an amazing fucking day.

Love ya.

Bye bye.