The Trend Report

Genius Spark Part 2 with Rex Miller

• Sid Meadows, Rex Miller • Episode 139

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Do you ever find yourself wondering what happened to that childhood spark, the one that made you curious and bold? Join us as we sit down with Rex Miller to reignite that lost brilliance and tackle the 'kryptonites' that hold us back. We reminisce about youthful passions—my affinity for music and construction—and examine how these interests mold our adult pursuits. 

Creating a space where team members feel secure enough to take risks and admit mistakes can be as complex as a dance requiring both grace and precision. In our thoughtful conversation, we delve into the adversarial nature of certain industries, like construction, where the prevalence of distrust can thwart team progression. We share insights into the critical importance of recognizing each person's unique contributions, drawing parallels to how a football team approaches their preseason. Throughout, Rex Miller, a three-time guest, offers actionable advice on fostering trust and psychological safety within professional teams.

The final act of our dialogue explores the intricate balance of being a 'connector' and leading with empathy. I reflect on my journey, the leadership style that emerges from a blend of strategic thinking and relator skills, and the challenges of managing energy in an increasingly digital world.  The narrative weaves together past and present, offering a blend of self-awareness and practical leadership advice, ensuring that by the end of our episode, you're equipped to lead with a renewed understanding of your strengths and vulnerabilities.

Links & Resources

Episode 131 - Uncovering Your Genius Spark with Rex Miller - https://www.sidmeadows.com/episode131
Sir Ken Robinson Ted Talk - https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en

Connect with Rex:
Rex Miller - https://rexmiller.com/
The Resilience Lab Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-resilience-lab/id1615776491
Email - http://www.rex@rexmiller.com/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mrexmiller/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/rexmiller/
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBqoDmlda4AN5slbA39R34A


Connect with Sid:

www.sidmeadows.com
Embark CCT on Facebook
Sid on LinkedIn
Sid on Instagram
Sid on YouTube
Sid on Clubhouse - @sidmeadows

The Trend Report introduction music is provided by Werq by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4616-werq License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Speaker 1:

Hey friend, and welcome to the Turn Report podcast. I'm glad you're joining me today for part two of my conversation with Rex Miller, as we dive into a little bit more of my genius, spark and uncovering what my kryptonites are. I'm Sid Meadows and I'm a business leader, coach and consultant and a longtime student of the office furniture industry, and in this podcast we have powerful conversations with industry leaders, innovators and others making an impact in their business and our industry. So let's dive into today's conversation. Welcome back, rex.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's great to be here, sid, and I think your audience is going to love this next stage, because last time we built that paragraph, the genius paragraph. Today we're going to do kryptonite. But before I'm curious about some things. Part of this spark that motivated me was when I went through kind of my crucible, that dark night in the tomb in the 2000s, and had to re-refind myself. We typically call that a midlife crisis, but part of that got me thinking about what did I love doing as I was a little kid, and I'm curious about you. You know, when you were growing up, what were some of the things that you loved to do? What were some of the things people told your parents about? You know, sid is so whatever, and then I think we'll be able to tie that in to some of your strengths.

Speaker 1:

Wow, okay, I didn't realize that the script was going to be reversed. I'm supposed to be the one asking the questions. Well, we're just getting context for this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Wow. That's what happens when you get two podcasters together. We're not sure who's doing the interviewing? To who?

Speaker 1:

No, that's great. So what did I love to do as a kid? That's a really great question, and what I can remember is I loved music. I loved to sing, which I don't do anymore. I played instruments in the band. I loved music and my family had a long history of music and playing music and singing, and I have several family members that sing publicly Right. So that's the first thing that comes to mind. Is that and I was. This will come as no surprise to anyone that knows me I was very active as a kid, so there's always moving around. Rex is smiling and laughing, so I was always moving around, active into something and doing things, and it still holds true today to that right. I can't necessarily sit still for too very long and I own it, so I know it. But music is the first thing that comes to mind. The second thing that comes to mind is building things. I like to build things like Legos and stuff like that. Don't really do much of that today, but I guess I do in a different way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, build organizations build businesses. So I would say those are probably the two things, rex, that come to mind first.

Speaker 2:

Okay. So when we pull up the strengths we'll see if there's some links there. And the reason I ask the question is that over time we lose kind of that spark, and so that's part of the motivation with this is that there's things that you're in touch with when you're a kid. In fact, nasa says that 98% of three to five-year-olds test as geniuses and then over time, by the time you're 10, that number drops to 30%. By the time you're 15, it drops to 12%. By the time you're 30, it drops to 2%. 15, it drops to 12%. By the time you're 30, it drops to 2%.

Speaker 2:

So what happened to us is part of the question we try to answer, and a lot of times all that kind of dormant capacity that Maslow says has to come out. Maslow said what you can become you must, and it wasn't kind of what you can become you must, and it wasn't kind of you know the world needs you to be. That. It's kind of this inner thing that if you don't, it eats away at you. So it's not a coincidence that when you hit your 40, in fact I was working with an executive last week and he's gone through radical change in life and family disruption and all of this, guess what? 45 years of age and he's starting to wonder have I forced me into a box that I just don't fit in anymore?

Speaker 1:

What a great question that is. And have I meaning the person forced myself into a box that I don't fit in? And I'll add to what I heard you say, which is because of life circumstances, because of what's happening. I put myself in the wrong place, basically.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, think of all the things that you've gone through where you wanted to fit into the class, you wanted to get the grades, you didn't want to be the one who was the oddball, especially this age when, if you're a little bit different, the bullying and all of that stuff, so a lot of pressure to kind of fit the mold and education. Everyone needs to watch Sir Ken Robinson's 2006 TED Talk.

Speaker 1:

And you said Sir Ken Robinson, sir.

Speaker 2:

Ken Robinson Okay, yep, he's no longer with us. I had the opportunity to spend time with him. We hired him as a keynote for one of our conferences and he's amazing. He's got the most watched TED Talk of all times and it's about education. And his question is do schools kill creativity?

Speaker 1:

All right. So I'm going to be sure that we drop the link to that in the show notes for everybody to click through to the YouTube wherever it is, so that you can see it. So it's about education and what the education system thank you may have done to us as individuals, right, and?

Speaker 2:

he's referencing that NASA research, so that's the link. And so thank you may have done to us as individuals. Right, and he's referencing that NASA research, so that's the link. And so you know, I spent 10 years researching the education machine, so to speak, wrote two books on it with, you know, with our industry, with DLR architects and PBK architects and Balfour Beatty Construction, and we traveled the country to find out what happens to that learning and we came away with one description is that we become well-schooled but poorly educated. So that's part of that deadening of that genius spark inside of us.

Speaker 2:

So what the CliftonStrengths did for me was it gave me a roadmap back. It's the Crosby, stills, nash, young. We've got to find some way to get back to the garden and the garden was when we were three and five years old. The founder of Kindergarten, friedrich Freubel, described that kind of idyllic learning experience and environment that we all were in. So that's a huge tangent. But that's why I asked the question.

Speaker 2:

And when I start with a project team and we do the CliftonStrengths to build that rapport and we know that the number one factor of a high-performing team is psychological safety, well, you don't get there just by doing some kumbaya exercises or doing quote team building. You get there by getting to know each other at a deeper level. One of the things I created was a story template, and the first third of that story template is just that. Those questions when did you grow up, what was it like? What are your highlight moments? Your favorite food, what activities did you love?

Speaker 2:

Then the story template moves into some of the things that energize you and drain you, and then it moves into how you're wired to perform. Are you more analytical, are you more strategic, are you more creative, whatever, and then your role on the team. By doing that and that's the introduction by doing that with a team, we humanize each other and we give everybody this framework that's common, so the introverts aren't at a disadvantage and the extroverts don't have an advantage. We all do the same thing. It's a story that then primes us when we get into the strengths, to start making the connections between the things you love and how you're wired. Now we're starting to understand each other, which builds that foundation for that psychological safety.

Speaker 1:

So I really appreciate the understanding of what that number one component of true high-performing teams is. Psychological safety, which is at the core, is just getting to know each other and who we are. What makes us tick. I'm really curious how difficult do you find it that it is for people to really open up and let down the barriers around them so that you can get to know them?

Speaker 2:

It's the biggest challenge. It truly is. One think of the way that the incentives or the drivers, in whatever system you're in, whether it's education, it's performing a test, if it's work, it's not being, nobody wants to admit a mistake, being, you know, nobody wants to admit a mistake. In a construction project team, people will hold their cards close to the chest. Everybody's vulnerable, everybody's making mistakes. It's just the nature of a messy, complex thing.

Speaker 1:

Sure.

Speaker 2:

But you never know that there's any mistakes going on in a construction meeting, because I'm hoping that you'll be the first one to get exposed and then I skate through the meeting, so I'm betting that someone else is going to be exposed as not meeting budget or schedule first. So it creates that dynamic Construction system is built on distrust and adversarial relationships. Think of the bidding process right. When you bid, how do you win? What's the number one way to win?

Speaker 1:

Lowest price.

Speaker 2:

Right, okay, once you win the bid, the good news is we've won. Bad news is we've won and now the game changes to how do I find ways to build back the margin I gave up, and there's so many ways to do that, because you go through different stages of design that have more detail in it, which means more changes, which means more I can change my price. The owner knows it and the architect and contractor set up. So the whole system is designed to remove psychological safety.

Speaker 1:

That's so interesting, especially the way you tied it to what I believe to be one of the worst practices in our industry, which is bidding.

Speaker 2:

Oh, totally. And again, that's risk, it's risk management. So it comes out of legal and procurement. So the challenge is for all of us how do we build people who are engaged in the game, who build trust, psychological safety, vulnerability-based trust? That's Lincione's number one platform in a system that's designed to break that apart. That's the challenge every manager, every project team leader has. So we try to come in and help give you the foundation to accelerate that process. And every team starts in what you call the forming, the romance stage, and then there's the learning curve. It's called the storming phase. Most teams never get out of the storming phase. I get that.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I totally get that Learning and then storming. So Rex, let's tie this into the genius spark, because the genius spark starts with understanding your strengths right and realizing what they are. So, basically, is that what you would put into the learning phase? That's where we're learning each other.

Speaker 2:

Well, hopefully you're putting that at the front end before the friction starts. Sure, so think of preseason for a football team. Sure, we don't have a preseason in any team. Right, we go straight, you're on board, go on the field and suit up and play.

Speaker 1:

Or, as I said to a new team member on our team this week, I'm throwing you into the deep end of the pool and he said that's okay, I know how to swim. Yeah, right, because that's what you're right, that's exactly what we do, because I love the analogy of preseason, because we don't have a preseason.

Speaker 2:

We don't Now. We do have clients who put what they call. You know we do a version of a preseason called a smart start or whatever you want, and it does work on behavior dynamics and project alignment. How are we going to deliver this project? You know the design alignment, the delivery alignment, the financial incentive alignment, all that. But the key part is how do we accelerate the normal learning curve of a project?

Speaker 2:

Because we don't have the time, if we're not going to practice a lot and think of over time people who are very wired very differently. If they work together over time, then they get to know each other and actually that difference becomes a strength. You know they compliment each other and actually that difference becomes a strength. You know they complement each other. But when we first encounter that that you're an outgoing bubbly person and I'm a reflective in my head person, when I first encounter it, I can tolerate it for about 10 minutes your charming personality. And after that 10 minutes I'm saying, okay, I'm done with this. And so if I know how you're wired and what motivates you, and then how to get into rhythm with you, how to dance with that, then it's a different experience. But I would typically experience it without any kind of training framework, understanding how you're wired, appreciating your strengths and your kryptonite, which we're not going to get away from today.

Speaker 1:

No, no, absolutely. It brings us back on real quick, because I think it's really important. I mean, I really appreciate everything that you've said so far. I think it's doing a great job in setting up this conversation, so let's dial back, okay. So go ahead. You want to say something?

Speaker 2:

well, just give me a share privileges, because we're gonna pull up my screen a little bit. Yeah, yes, thank you for saying that. So we're going to pull up my screen in a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Yes, thank you for saying that. So we're going to. If you're listening on the podcast, we're about to share the screen. If you're on YouTube, you're going to actually see the screen, and we will do what we did last time We'll read through everything. Hopefully I will do a better job at reading the screen, adjusting my glasses so I can actually see the words, but we're going to review the strengths real quickly that we talked about in the previous episode. But again, rex, before we dive in, there's something else that is a momentous occasion about this conversation with you. You were the first guest to appear three times on my show. Oh, wow. So welcome to the trifecta. I love it. The first guest.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's fun and I think we're exploring things that everybody is, you know, dealing with. I deal with it 100%.

Speaker 1:

I just get to be the guinea pig. So, with that, let's explore what were my strengths and then we can dive into the Crips Night. Do you want me to just give you the screen share now?

Speaker 2:

links and then we can dive into the Cription. I just want me to give you the screen share now. Yeah, give me the screen and we'll pull it up here and okay, there we go.

Speaker 1:

All right, Sid, there we go In full disclosure. I have looked through this a couple of times and I have not reworded this definition or this phrase.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, so you can, and that's what it's designed to do. But this is a great starter. So what we're doing is we're providing the starter kit and get you on board and then, as you get comfortable, you'll come back. So, for those who are just listening, what we have here is we've got a description of Sid's leadership style, or his persona, and we represent it in a circle called a ring.

Speaker 2:

There's 34 strengths that Gallup gives us and they fall into four zones. One of the zones are strengths that are instinctive about relational dynamics. Another one is a group of strengths that are instinctive around how people get engaged and how you motivate them. Another zone and so the blue zone is the relating, red is the motivating.

Speaker 2:

Green are strengths that are a whole range of thinking strengths high level, deep dive, fast forward, backwards, hyperlinked, whatever. And then the orange are the strengths that are get it done strengths, and they come in the variety of things that get things started, things that keep things focused, and then strengths that finish. That's general categories. Now the top five strengths, which Gallup says are the primary ones to focus on, that you get more growth, engagement, effectiveness, kudos when you're functioning in those five strengths and you experience positive hormones and if you know how to do it, you can get into a flow state, and I design every day. I didn't this morning because of a breakfast meeting, but prior to us having this, I will have spent 45 minutes getting into what you might call the zone Yep, and that's a whole nother conversation.

Speaker 1:

So before you keep going, I want to just clarify one thing. I think we talked about this on the last episode, so give me the quick, either the word adjective or quick phrase for each color. So green is what Green is thinking, thinking, and orange is getting it done, acting. Acting, or get her done, got it.

Speaker 2:

Blue relating. Relating Red is motivating.

Speaker 1:

Motivating. Okay, got it, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Now your ring is unique because you have strengths in all four zones. So about 20% of the population will be in this category and it's called a connector. And a connector is somebody who is exactly that. You're an instinctive connector because you speak all four languages and you see things holistically in terms of how the team is functioning in a dynamic. So that makes you kind of perfect as a troubleshooter going in or an entrepreneur starting things. You're the master generalist or, what I like to say, the old school mechanic who could listen to an engine, listen to the cylinders and know just by sound, pick up on which cylinder is misfiring. So that jack of all trades also has a shadow side. That's the kryptonite, and one of the shadow sides is swim lanes that you may not stay in your swim lane. You've got wide interest in many areas and you can function and wear several hats areas and you can function and wear several hats.

Speaker 2:

So sometimes focusing and going deep can be a challenge for a connector, and oftentimes connectors need to know role clarity, goal clarity and reinforce an affirmation of that, or they will naturally gravitate to where they think the biggest need is. Wherever the squeaky wheel is, connectors are naturally geared to. I can fix that or I know how to solve that.

Speaker 1:

I'm smiling because I want to put a cover over my face, because I'm totally guilty of that. I am totally 100% guilty of that, 100%.

Speaker 2:

Now my leadership style is different. I don't have any red. So I've got the blue, three in the green, one in the orange. So already we know. So you've got two in the red, one in the blue, one in the orange, one in the green. So we already know with that blue-red combination those are people-oriented zones. So you've got this high energy around people and engagement and interaction and that's where you get recharged. You've also got activator and that's your orange. So the activator is urgency, high energy, and your thinking strength also operates in real time. So we've got categories called outgoing introverts. I'm an outgoing introvert. I've got four of my five strengths in green and orange. So those are not activated by people, they're internal, tends to be introvert, but I look outgoing like now you know it's interactive, but that's because my strengths operate in real time. But when we're done having this conversation, that will have been worked for me. So I'll need to recharge.

Speaker 1:

Sure.

Speaker 2:

And the more red somebody has, the more time I need to recharge, because red makes me work hard, because I don't have any. I don't have any in that zone.

Speaker 1:

Thank goodness I only have two red, not You'd take the rest of the day off if I had three reds.

Speaker 2:

There you go. So when we look at your strengths of strategic and activator winning others over, that's what woo is competition and relator what we come up with is someone who thinks quickly on their feet, cuts through the clutter, decisive, action-oriented, compelling, persuading people on what direction to go and how, an instinct around what it's going to take to be successful. Think of the strategic as the GPS to finding success and keeping you on track. The competition is the natural scorekeeper. Are we ahead, are we behind? Can we win? Is this winnable or not? And then building deep trust with others so that genuineness and trust, relator and winning others over are on opposite sides.

Speaker 2:

Relator likes a few relationships to go deep. Winning others over loves the social engagement and energy of groups and people. So that makes you a bit unique as well, because in opposites, for example, if you only had winning others over and I had relator, that would be a natural friction point that we would have to know and learn and know how to set some rules of engagement and how do we operate, because we'll be misaligned a lot. So I have a question about that.

Speaker 1:

So does that lead to what I refer to as tapping out, meaning I can only have so much. And then I got to have my quiet time, I got to tap out, I got to sit on my patio and drink coffee or I got to go walk around the block. Is that the reason these competing and the reason that I feel that way at times?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you burn more calories a day than I do because of that. So think of the load. I'm a big kind of sensor device measure sleep, strain and all that and whoop is my strap of choice. But when you measure physical output, like exercise, that's one kind of load. When you measure cognitive load load, when you measure cognitive load, that's another level. That's higher than physical. So deep thinking, all that planning or all of that takes brain power. It burns calories. Emotional load is higher than those two. So you've got kind of a natural. When you're on a lot you feel great in the moment, but then it's like whoa, it's like I'm out of gas.

Speaker 1:

Yep, 100%. And I know when it happens too, by the way. I mean, I kind of know when I've run out of gas and need to go recharge, and for me that's just like give me some quiet time. I don't even turn on the TV. It's like give me some quiet time. I don't even turn on the TV. It's like, give me some quiet time, let me just sit around, just give me that moment to catch my breath almost.

Speaker 2:

Well, and by knowing that and when others know that and know how they're wired, they can be more intentional about that, instead of going until the car runs out of gas and then you're not at your best. The car runs out of gas and then you're not at your best. So another factor too that I'll throw in is that virtual meetings double the amount that your brain has to work. So your brain is already the largest calorie consumer 25% of total calories and it goes up to 50% when you're in this Zoom environment. Back to back to back.

Speaker 1:

That's a strong statistic. Explains a lot about fatigue. It's like fighter pilots, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a cognitive load that a fighter pilot would have because of, you know, I'm not getting the indirect nonverbal cues. I'm having to work harder. This rhythm isn't the same, you know. There's just lots of factors that create that load.

Speaker 1:

So I have a question. Yep, you talk about the digital fatigue and using the Teams meetings, the Zooms meeting, and how your brain works overtime on it. If you were to take that Teams meeting between you and a colleague and turn it into a phone call rather than a video call, reduces the stress and anxiety around all of that, huge, huge, yeah. The note to self I know we like to see people, especially in the hybrid world, but sometimes you can have a. The phone call would actually be better for everybody.

Speaker 2:

Well, and the phone call is better with people you know. Yeah, okay, sure, now the visual with people you don't know. That's an important part of getting to know their vibe and how they operate. It's still not natural because the two-dimensional environment takes out a lot of the normal human stuff. The thing to note for especially your audience, is companies have not yet planned for the strain levels, the mental strain levels, of virtual environments, and there's a wellness factor there and a health factor. Well, a wellbeing factor and a health factor that hasn't been factored into this new world that we're in.

Speaker 2:

You cannot go. It's why, at 2 pm in the afternoon, if you've done back-to-back virtual meetings, you're toast, and then the negative thing here and this is another rabbit trail is then, at the end of the day, all that cortisol builds up and you haven't done anything through the day to flush it out of the system. Then you look for unhealthy coping behaviors, and that's alcohol, binge watching, carbohydrates, you know all that type of stuff. So just a little bit of training on how to reduce the stress load during the day would help us a lot. So now let's get back to this.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, we went down a rabbit hole here. Let's go to kryptonite the Sid.

Speaker 2:

we all know and love. Okay, this connector, high energy person who needs to recharge. Now you created a paragraph out of these strengths, which is what the software helps. The reason we've done this is that the science on how do you become better has changed the way we train. The old school is that we would just train you more and more about each strength and the combinations and all the things that go on, and that's all knowledge.

Speaker 2:

Knowledge does not change behavior. What does change behavior is I need to know what I look like at my best and I want to know what gets in my way. And then, of course, in a team environment, I want to know what you look like at your best and how you get in your way. But now it's a matter of reinforcing that picture, that narrative, that elevator pitch. Cognitive behavior therapy says that's what we do to improve the story we tell ourselves. Athletes like Michael Phelps have an image of their performance criteria. So if we think of ourselves as cognitive athletes and we look at the paragraph that you create, that I'll have you read in just a moment, as this is what I want to achieve today, I want to show up as this at my best. Now we have some things we can work with with current performance science, so I'll let you read the paragraph.

Speaker 1:

Perfect and I have not updated this. I have looked at it. I have not updated this from the last time, but that paragraph says I can pivot quickly when I sense resistance or an obstacle. When I get the feel and flavor of a direction or goal, I want to spin talk into action and then ideas into intentionality. I come alive when I'm in front of a group. I know what it will take to win and whether I'm on target. I instinctively know if I or we can succeed or not. I am a go-to person and confidant for my friends, colleagues, because they value my trust and advice.

Speaker 2:

Excellent. Now let's tie this back briefly to the childhood Music in front of people, group dynamics, all of that, and you can read these things in your strengths.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you just remind me, I just had a memory I did, I literally just had a memory. So from the what's that memory, so from probably the fifth grade through the 11th grade, I was a member of 4-H.

Speaker 2:

Wow.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and one of the I was not. We didn't have animals, though I did all that judging and stuff land judging and animal judging and all that kind of stuff. But the part of 4-H that I thrived in was the speaking part and doing presentations and doing this public speaking with poster boards and went to all these different competitions, and somewhere up in my attic I have a box full of awards and ribbons from that. And that memory just came as you were talking because I had totally forgot about that.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's part of the journey that we want people to go through when we take them into the genius spark, because now these things are coming alive. Those sparks of childhood are now informing what the assessment tells you and, of course, winning others over right in front of people, persuasive, activator, spark of energy on stage, strategic pivoting in real time competition all of those things are in play. And that group comfort level with a small group of family. That's the relator, the woo performance. So we know that our brains are influenced one by nature. So part of it was I grew up, I came this way because my family's this way. That's the DNA and some of it is nurture the experiences you have. Nobody knows what the ratio is between the two, but we can see that tie-in. That's the key when those connections start being made for you. Now you're in what we call that learning flywheel. You're starting to take abstract knowledge and taxonomy. You're getting some understanding as to what it means. You're getting some understanding as to what it means. You're crafting it into something that describes you. At this point it's now not just data and descriptions of strengths. It's a personalized paragraph that you had agency in. Now we're connecting it to experience. So we're going up the ladder towards mastery. So the experience now that you're connecting to is very important, because now you've got a biological metric to all the things going on in the brain the hormones and the experience and the memory and all of that. And then the next step in that ladder towards mastery is there's a shadow side and we call that kryptonite is there's a shadow side and we call that kryptonite. Now the difference between weaknesses and kryptonite is weaknesses or gaps are strengths that are down your list and not strong, and they're like lonely neurons that aren't surrounded by networks, so building them doesn't help at all. They just kind of go back to where they were. But all these strong networks that you have, the more you build those, the stronger they get. So the kryptonite now are your strengths that get in your way, and they get in your way in a couple of ways.

Speaker 2:

One is under pressure. So when you're on the spot or being challenged, you may have a tendency to want to talk your way through the challenge and somebody might want logic and data, but you'll just kind of re-talk it and re-talk it, because that's what stress and anxiety does with somebody that is winning others over an activator. It's kind of the no filter combination as winning others over an activator. It's kind of the no filter combination. I'm just going to talk my way through this, okay. And so our strengths can go to extreme under pressure or they can be unbalanced.

Speaker 2:

So when I'm under pressure, my strategic and achiever get very focused, very pointed, and it can feel to others that I am intense, not very relational, maybe even feel angry, but I'm not, I'm just under pressure and dialed in and focused. And then the other way is that over time a strength can have been broken. You know, you may have been, you could have had an experience in school where you were a cut up and you just got beat up over that over time and you just kind of shut that out and shut the woo down. So those are three ways. So what we've done is very similar to the genius side. We've got now just four traits that you pick and we're looking at strategic now and the question is which of these gets in your way the most?

Speaker 2:

I can jump ahead, interrupt or believe I know where someone is going before giving them a chance to speak. My kids picked that for me. I can overlook essential details and execution once given the go-ahead to proceed. I often assume that what seems clear to me should seem clear to others. That's the one that gets me the most. I get impatient when I'm ready to move on and others want to get deeper into the weeds. Which of those four gives you the hardest time? Can you select all four?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they all could apply, but what we want is to give your brain kind of a signal or a compass.

Speaker 1:

All right, so I'm looking at them again. So the one that actually sticks out the most to me is number three. I often assume that what seems clear to me should be should seem clear to others. It's a close race, though, with number one, which is I can jump ahead, interrupt or believe I know where someone is going before giving them the chance to speak, so I'm staying with number three.

Speaker 2:

So I chose number three for me because I do workshops and I have to tell people look, if you're not following, it's not your fault. This is my kryptonite and I need your help in order. And so the phrase is Rex, you dusted me. That's what I have every workshop say out loud on the count of three before we go to give them permission to slow me down. Now my kids say it's number one for me that I cut them off all the time.

Speaker 1:

So I think this is also about for clarity. I think, as I'm hearing this, this is about knowledge of something, that your knowledge of something is greater than that of others, right? And then you expect that they are coming along with you when they're actually not. Not just yet. Am I explaining that, right, rex?

Speaker 2:

That's partially it, and even if I don't know what I'm talking about, my strategic can assume that it should be clear to you anyway. Yeah, because strategic sees clearly what's ahead and goes that direction, doesn't necessarily think about letting people know that. Oh, I just took a left turn here. I know I said yesterday we were going down the road but I decided the better path was a left. Oh, sorry, I didn't tell you.

Speaker 1:

You guys are oh, I changed my mind and forgot to let you know that. Yeah right, that happens to me all the time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, let's go to activator. Activator. So these are the four. I may need to slow down and consult other talents before forging ahead. Sometimes I act and react before I think. I tend to have a lot of things started but not as many things completed. I've been accused of chasing shiny objects. Which of these four gets in your way?

Speaker 1:

Oh my goodness, these are really so. I tend to have a lot of things started but not as many things completed. Oh goodness, I resonate that one.

Speaker 2:

But another way to think of it. If you wanted people to call you on it or to help you which one would? Would you want them to remind you of, or or kind of push back on?

Speaker 1:

I would actually say number two. Sometimes I act and react before I think Okay, all right, because it is very true, I do do that and I just react to things rather than thinking about them and responding to things, because I know that my response to something would be different than my reaction to something. But a lot of that has to do with emotions in the moment, where you are, the people you're around, the environment, the environment, and so, yeah, that is probably one of the things I need the most work on yeah, and, and we can talk offline about the dynamic between strategic and activator.

Speaker 2:

Don't you love this new?

Speaker 1:

ai, what happened right there, rex, if you're watching on youtube, rex held up, uh, and the balloons like started ai is taking over, and so everyone beware.

Speaker 2:

Okay, now we're into winning others over. Number one I can come across as overly friendly and raise suspicion that I have a hidden agenda, or when I'm unsure of an answer, I may talk my way through it. Number three I can compromise what I really want to gain to get someone's approval. Number four sometimes I speak before I listen and think oh, I do all four of these.

Speaker 1:

So, for clarity's sake for everybody, I do all four of these. So number one really resonates with me, rex, but I don't feel like I do that a lot. Which number one is I can come across as overly friendly and raise suspicion that I might have a hidden agenda.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you've got some modifying strengths there that it wouldn't be like. Your relator is very genuine and open.

Speaker 1:

I actually am going to say sometimes I speak before I listen and think which kind of ties directly into the one we just did previously.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, okay. So now we're starting to see a little pattern here, which is good. So for competition, I can see situations as zero-sum game I win and you lose, or you win and I lose. When I sense I'm in a no-win situation, I will unplug and put in minimal effort. I have a hard time compromising. And number four I hate to lose and my disappointment can get in my way.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I don't like any of these because I can see that I've done all of these, but I don't like any of these but the one that I know that I most recently, so I would tell you five, 10 years ago, the comment I can see situations as a zero sum game and I win or you lose, or I win and you win and I lose was how I operated. Right, I was on that zone. Today, I believe, through education, professional development and growth and things. The one that I think I feel like I've grown out of that to a degree, rex, is why I said that right. However, I know it still shows up. But the one that I think resonates the most is when I sense I'm in an O-win situation, I unplug and I put in minimal effort, and that is very true. When I sense that this is not something that is going to at least get to a compromise, that I do shut down, and I know exactly when I do that.

Speaker 2:

Well and remember, competition's magic power is being able to sum up at a gut level, real time, whether it's set up to win or lose. If we can win, what's it going to take? And are we ahead or behind? Now we're in relator. So the four in relator is that I can vote someone outside my circle of trust for violating my code of behavior, and they will likely not realize why. Number two I sometimes choose someone I'm comfortable with rather than someone more competent. Number three I punish those who treat others poorly by being unresponsive to them. Number four when I feel betrayed, it takes a long time for me to get over it.

Speaker 1:

All right. So I know that I do number one and I know when I do it right.

Speaker 2:

That's my number one. Yeah, I can vote someone out of my circle. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1:

I know it, but the actual one that resonates the most is number four. When I feel betrayed, it takes me a long time for me to get over it. I never forget it. I may forgive you for it, but I actually never forget it. When you've crossed that line and betrayed me, I never forget it.

Speaker 2:

I have that same one and because relator gets vulnerable, lets someone in and then when it gets betrayed, it's a fairly deep wound. Even last night, as I was dreaming, I went down the path of someone who, quote, did me wrong 25 years ago or so. Now forgiving them. We're friends yet that experience still came up and it doesn't get in my way. But it's hard. Relators just wired that way and remember our brains are wired for two things to get us what we want and to protect us from what will kill us. Your unique structure gives you a survival advantage, and so optimizing the magic side gives you your unique survival advantage. It's part of what makes you valuable in the podcast that you do, and then you've got the protective side. So let's read the kryptonite out loud paragraph for everybody and see how it feels.

Speaker 1:

I often assume that what seems clear to me should seem clear to others. Sometimes I act and react before I think. Sometimes I speak before I listen or think. Since I'm in a no-win situation, I will unplug and put in minimal effort when I feel betrayed. It takes a long time for me to get over it. That feels really good to me, rex. I don't feel like that even needs to be reworded, honestly.

Speaker 2:

What I'm taking you now and those who can't see this is this is a summary. Now, it's a report. It's a summary of Sid's leadership style as a connector his genius paragraph, his kryptonite paragraph, and then a short summary of his five strengths, and this is part of what we use when we want to build teams. So we did like that story template icebreaker. We'll go through what are the strengths, we'll talk about that. Everyone will have built their genius paragraph, but then the next stage is on a team, you will share your genius paragraph and then I will facilitate the team telling stories about Sid, about his genius. Again, we're building psychological safety. We're building an understanding and appreciation of what it looks like for you when you're unique. You'll tell some stories about it. That's the missing piece to most of these assessment trainings is all you're learning. Well, this is what strategic looks like and this is what activator looks like, but we're not putting it into the context of the person and then having the group give you the feedback as well.

Speaker 1:

So that is hard for anybody right to be on that hot seat and to have your colleagues and or team members comment on this right. Talk about vulnerability and removing all of the barriers from around you. But what I'm hearing you say is what that leads to is dynamic, successful, high-performing teams, because you have built psychological safety. To tie it back to what you said a few minutes ago yeah, and the reactions we get are typically three.

Speaker 2:

One is that was uncomfortable, but I like it. One is oh, that felt great, and sometimes we have people break down in tears because they've never heard anybody give them this kind of specific feedback of how they're valued and appreciated. What I've come to learn this is for any manager what people crave the most but get the least is true, genuine, specific feedback on what it is about me that makes a difference, and this is one way to do that.

Speaker 1:

I love it difference and this is one way to do that. I love it and I'm thinking to myself as the leader of a small team, but a very knowledgeable, successful, powerful team. I can see by using this how we would be unstoppable If we truly understood each other and truly understood how to work together, that our small organization would be able to attain even much more success than we've already attained in the last couple of years. I see that very clearly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then getting into the kryptonite. Now we're taking a company through. It's a dealership in the Midwest, big dealership, and it's all the way down into their warehouse and installation people. But we're now in eight months and we're now just beginning to get into the kryptonite side. Wow. And so what that does is it gives a bridge.

Speaker 2:

And when you read your kryptonite you're doing two things. One, you're letting me know that you're not an idiot and blind to stuff, but you're also giving me some permission and some guidance for me that when it's not working, I can come back and say, hey, you may think it's clear, but it's not clear to me. Can you slow up a little bit and just go backwards? That's when it really becomes powerful. Because the thing that I find throughout all the teams becomes powerful because the thing that I find throughout all the teams, people think stuff that's not right or misaligned. They just won't say it and part of it is they don't know how it's going to be taken. They don't know if they have permission to do it. That's really where psychological safety gets, is when we can get to that level. But again, it takes getting to know people at that level to be able to do that.

Speaker 1:

I totally agree with that and, admittedly, as we were getting ready to start Kryptonite, my definition of Kryptonite was different than how you presented it, because I think of the Kryptonite as Superman, like what actually inhibits you from success, Like what are the triggers, if you will. But the way you described it were they are your strengths that get in your way and not. It's completely the opposite of what I was thinking about, right? So I appreciate how you walked through that very much.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and what we find. You know, when I'm brought in to coach somebody who is challenged, you know that very talented but high collateral damage, the kryptonite side for people, it's not their weaknesses that get in their way and trip them up as you go up the ladder more and more, it's your lack of self-awareness that gets in the way. So under pressure, right Under pressure, you over. Push on these strengths. Pressure, right Under pressure, you over. Push on these strengths. And we also know that 82% of managers are very low in emotional intelligence and social intelligence. This is a proxy for that. I'm not high in emotional intelligence, but I have a system that helps me get there.

Speaker 1:

So, rex, I got to tell you I have thoroughly enjoyed these two sessions with you, to understand a bit more about me, to craft this, I got some work that I need to do on creating my genius paragraph and I hope that all of you listening have gotten some really great takeaways from this as well. Whether you know me or not, I hope that you understand the power of this type of program working with Rex, understanding who you are, understanding your team members to build a better, more successful team. So, rex, thank you for taking all this time with me. So any final thoughts or parting words for you to all of our guests, as our first third time returning guests, as well as someone who is very inept at helping businesses be successful and leaders be successful.

Speaker 2:

Well, I feel like I'm going to do one of those late night 1-800, and there's more.

Speaker 1:

I'll let you go ahead.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, this is a plug to get to the fourth one. So the next level of growth is turning strengths into virtues and developing character, and that's a pioneered area and a quick one. For example, relator, you can be masterful at being genuine and building trust, but the virtuous expression of relator is a genuine friend. And so now we're moving from strength to virtue. So I'll just put that as a plug, and if you're in the Texas area, I'm not far away. If you're in the Dallas area, 90 minutes south, we have this ranch, and anytime that you and I can spend time together, I'd love it, and I think there might be an opportunity for us to do that.

Speaker 1:

I hope so I'm looking forward. Even if I just come down there. I'm going to come down and see the ranch. I want to go on the creek and look for the dinosaur fossils. I'm intrigued by the whole property.

Speaker 2:

We've got a dinosaur footprint we found a week ago in our creek.

Speaker 1:

It's a theropod, don't tell anybody how cool is that yeah.

Speaker 2:

I know this is you know, you just told the world. I know we just told the world but they don't know where it's at. And yeah, it's pretty cool.

Speaker 1:

We've got the claw and everything yeah that's so cool. Rex, thank you for joining me today. Again, thank you for this series. Really appreciate it. I do look forward to connecting with you soon and for all of for going with us on this journey, and I hope you got some amazing value out of this series and this content. Go out there and make today great and we'll see you again soon. Take care everyone.

Speaker 2:

Take care, thank you.