THE SAGA OF EMMIE-LOY, PART 1
Copyright, James R. von Feldt
All rights reserved
Things are really looking up in our town this week.
Jeff and the mayor decided to spruce up the town with these little flags fixed to telephone poles all along main street - which you know as highway 2. We will all pitch in to put them up when they come. Should be here in a week or so.
Fire Chief Kelley is out of the hospital now and hobbling around on crutches. Still got a cast on his leg. Earl and I finished up the work on his chicken house after he fell off the ladder and broke his leg. He missed all the fun of watching the Big Dig and the clean-up thereafter.
Marla, the new waitress at Gas & Grill won a $500 lottery ticket at Walmart in Ottumwa. No one around here that I know of has done that.
Things are just going good for the moment, not to say the farmers aren’t worried about the price of beans this year. But that is about par for the farmers – always concerned about something.
Now here’s something to be concerned about and it has a thing or two to do with Harry Nation too. Larry Nail, Evelyn’s cousin from Lancaster Missouri dropped in for a visit. They came over to the Gas & Grill for dinner last week, and he proceeded to fill us in about the big political race for the Supervisor position down there. It’s especially interesting because the political race is half in Harry Nation and half out. The boundaries for Go-Springs have been confused for years and nobody wants to clear up the problem because if they do more people will have to start paying taxes.
The way Larry tells it is that Garfield Laugenslater, the banker’s son got on the ticket opposing Dog-Leg Murphy who has been Town Supervisor for twenty-five years. And, after declaring himself a candidate publicly, Garfield found that no one would vote for him, not even his mom. But he couldn’t back out. That would be too embarrassing. He was heading for a trouncing in public.
Garfield tried everything, radio ads., TV, print ads in the Schuyler County Times - which were mysteriously printed upside down. He even went door to door talking to everyone who would give him the time of day, to no avail.
It’s about two weeks before the election and Garfield is out at the Do-Drop-Inn discussing election strategy with Rosie when the idea came up, and as far as I could find out, no one exactly knows whose idea it was, anyway the idea was: If Garfield could get on a horse and get around in Harry Nation and talk a few people into voting for him, he could possibly win. You see it was mid-term elections and hardly anybody will vote except for the hard-core Dog-Leg Murphy backers, which are kin.
So, Garfield rents a horse from Elmer Watkins down at the livery stable in town. It had been a while since Garfield had been on horseback. Getting on board was a problem. Garfield, with his five-foot frame, had put on weight which brought him up to about 225 pounds. Elmer had to get a bench and shove Garfield to get him properly mounted.
The story then goes on to say that Garfield sets out to what in these parts will live in infamy.
First off, Garfield gets lost in Harry Nation which is not too hard to do since there are no road signs just dirt trails going here and there.
About noon he’s hot and thirsty and having no luck talking to anybody. People in those parts rarely see strangers and usually won’t talk to them anyway. Well, seems that either the horse stumbled, was spooked, or perhaps as Garfield said, Jared Apple threw a rock at him but it hit the rump of his horse causing him to start running full out.
What a sight with Garfield flailing away yelling stop and other commands. The horse took off through the woods and bushes purposefully aiming at a low-hanging branch that cleared Garfield off his back. For a fraction of a second Garfield was suspended in the air then PLOP, he fell to the ground.
The first thing Garfield saw when he recovered was Emmie-Loy.
Emmie-Loy is Frenchie Hatfield’s oldest daughter. The oldest, unmarried daughter to be more precise. The reason she is unmarried at the ripe old age of nineteen is that she is over six foot tall, skinny as a rail, independent as a hog on ice, and has a tooth missing in front from fist fighting with the boys – and winning I might add.
Frenchie has not had any success in negotiating marital bonds for Emmie-Loy which means that he has to keep on feeding her and the rest of his female offspring. The HARRY NATION tradition demands that the oldest of the brood has to be married off first.
Well, there they were, Garfield, lying flat on his back and a bit woozy from the knock and fall looking up into Emmie-Loy’s beautiful brown eye. Her other eye was swollen shut because of a bee sting she got getting honey from a honey tree for breakfast.
Sure-nuf it was love.
at’s right. Love in capital letters. L O V E!!
To Emmie-Loy, this town dude in khaki slacks, white shirt, red bow tie, and Adidas sneakers was sent from heaven. She even prayed that when she kissed him, he would come back from the dead because that was what she thought he was, and she did and did again and again until he revived.
Garfield coming out of it, though not too clear of head, sensed imminent danger and started flailing around which impressed Emmie-Loy and encouraged her to continue.
It’s about this time that Frenchie, Emmie-Loy’s dad, comes along and finds all this going on. Being keen on bargains, he figures out a plan right on the spot. About an hour or so later Garfield, Emmie-Loy, and Frenchie make it to his cabin back in the woods by Big Creek.
Garfield is beginning to see the picture. The word was already out and every neighbor nearby was coming over to see Emmie-Loy’s miracle husband-to-be.
Soon there is a crowd of about 25 adults, 60 or so kids, 10 dogs, 7 horses, and an old grey mule milling around in the yard. They were all curious to see what this marvelous event would turn to next.
Seeing a crowd, Garfield clearly saw his opportunity and stepped onto a tree stump by the porch to begin his politicking speech. He and Rosie had refined a speech to convince everyone who heard it to vote for Garfield for Supervisor. These folks were befuddled by Garfield’s speaking until Emmie-Loy jumped right up on that stump with Garfield and declared that God sent him right out of heaven and she knew it was true cause after she kissed him, he came to life. The ladies ooooed and ahhhhad and the men slapped each other’s backs and took celebratory swigs from a jug.
Then Frenchie came on the scene and vouched for Emmie-Loy.
Garfield was struck dumb. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, which has got to be an all-time first for a politician. Then Emmie-Loy bent over – way over, wrapped her arms around Garfield, and sealed the deal with a smothering kiss. Then, they both toppled over into the crowd, Garfield thrashing around for dear life. Well, Emmie-Loy being tough as nails and having a lot of leverage with her six-foot frame had Garfield nailed down. The crowd enjoyed watching the spectacle. Garfield thought this was the end. He thought he was going to die right here, right now, in front of all these people.
Finally, huffing and puffing, Garfield goes limp, his beet-red face flush with the struggle. There she was, Emmie-Loy, sitting on top of his belly, all six feet of her, waving a victory sign, not unlike the wave you see nowadays at football games. The crowd hooted and hollered, the dogs barked and the old ladies cried. Frenchie was being congratulated. Hands were shook.
Well, it’s not over until the fat lady sings, everyone knows that - and it wasn’t.
Eventually, Garfield was led onto the porch of the cabin and was given a wooden box to sit on because he was having trouble standing after all the excitement. One by one the men passed by to shake hands and to share a sip of homemade remedy out of a jug they carried for just such an occasion. He figured out he was to take a sip of each as they shook hands just to be neighborly. Bit by bit it made it into his mind; this was going to be his wedding day, no mistake about it.
Well, I’m running out of gas.
I know, I know, there is still a lot of story to tell but I’ve got work to do.
Wood needs chopping and loading into the wood ben, grass needs mowing, the garden needs weeding. I will get to more of the story next time.
So that’s all for now.
From where the corn grows tall and pigs fly
Take care.
All my love.
Grampa Jim.