Episode 280-Unlocking Family Wellness with Sharon Fillmore: Parenting, Self-Care, and Personal Growth

Get ready to unlock the secrets of family wellness with our special guest, Sharon Fillmore, known affectionately as the "Mary Poppins of family wellness." In this captivating episode, we explore Sharon's incredible journey from a registered nurse with over 45 years of experience to a dedicated family wellness expert. Sharon's passion for helping families thrive and her transformative insights on breaking the cycle of dysfunctional parenting will leave you inspired and eager to apply her wisdom to your own life.

Discover the humor and heartache of raising kids, especially as they transition from young children to teenagers. Sharon shares practical tips on instilling life skills early, fostering independence, and reducing parental burden. You'll also learn invaluable self-care strategies for moms, such as taking short breaks, trading off childcare with friends, and practicing gratitude. Sharon's down-to-earth advice is designed to help you create a balanced, nurturing environment while maintaining your own well-being.

As we continue our conversation, we delve into the power of compassion and connection in parenting. Sharon reflects on the profound impact of guiding children with understanding and emotional support, and how this approach can foster personal growth and behavioral change. She also opens up about her own journey of overcoming self-doubt and pursuing her dream of writing, sharing the joy of collaborating with her children on creative projects. Don't miss Sharon's generous offer of a free downloadable copy of her book and details on her coaching programs, all aimed at supporting your path to family wellness and personal growth.

https://calendly.com/thevitallinkmentor

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:04

Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit of knowledge can turn fear into understanding. Enjoy the show, hi, and thanks for joining the SG Child Show. Today we are going to have a fascinating conversation because it's already been going. It's one of those days where we should have hit record a half an hour ago. We didn't miss all the juicy bits. No, it's great to have you here today, sharon. Thank you so much for your time and your willingness to come and share. Before we get started, tell us a little bit about yourself, introduce yourself and what brought you here today.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Okay, well, I'm Sharon Fillmore and I am sometimes people call me the Mary Poppins of family wellness. I work with families, particularly worth working moms, to help bring vitality into their homes and harmony and peace all those things that we all want as a mom, and sometimes when we're trying to juggle a million things, it's like you know, I can only handle so much. So I help with that, and the reason why I do it is because I love to watch people grow. I love to see how you change and you develop and your joy and your happiness come out and and you, your ability to talk to the people around you and really, really understand, and I love to see that.

Speaker 1: 1:57

How I started was actually as a registered nurse.

Speaker 1: 2:00

I've been in healthcare for over 45 years and I worked in a lot of high-risk areas like ICU and Emerge those sorts of places, as well as in the community, and then I became a teacher and I taught health care and I have three children and they all have kind of different, different things.

Speaker 1: 2:24

So one of the things that we, what I did, was I started to learn more about children's health and wellness and my former husband and I we sat down one day and we were talking about our parenting and I had taken a course on parenting. I was just starting a course on parenting and I had taken a course on parenting. I was just starting a course on parenting and we were talking and I said you know, we both come from these families that are pretty dysfunctional and we know that if we don't change the way we learn how to parent, we're going to do the same thing our parents did, and we both didn't want that. So, as a result, we started taking as many parenting courses as we could. So, as a result, we started taking as many parenting courses as we could and we kind of pulled it together and sort of created our own style of parenting. And while I have three amazing children, they're all adults, they're all happy and they're all doing what they love, and I don't think that, as a parent, you can ask for anything more.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Yeah, isn't that the truth? Yeah, I love that and thank you for your service. As a nurse, I think that you know, one of probably the only good things that came out of that thing we were talking about earlier is that people started recognizing how much work our nurses and doctors and, you know, emergency services do for us as community members. So definitely thank you, and my mom's a nurse, so I have a kind of a gratitude and a thankfulness for that service that you provide for people without expectation, for your whole career. So I think that's an amazing thing. The universe sends me these messages all sometimes back to back.

Speaker 2: 4:05

Last night I did another podcast with a woman in Australia who the same kind of thing does like an emotional coaching process for moms and helping moms, you know, get out of that. And so, right when you said that, I was like ding ding, ding, here we are. You know we're ready for this conversation. Like ding ding, ding, here we are. You know we're right, ready for this conversation. This is like perfect mindset to be able to continue, basically for me, the conversation today. And I think that when you, you know I've had the opportunity of being a mom for 20 years. For 20 years 12,. 14 of those have been with my own children, and the prior 10 years to that was with my stepdaughter, and there was a lot of learning curve, parenting mistakes, understanding exactly what you just said that we were coming from the place of our parents' parenting. You just said that we were coming from the place of our parents parenting and, unfortunately, some of the collateral damage had already been done.

Speaker 2: 5:11

And we had to learn how to also admit that, apologize, like, shine a light on it. So it wasn't just swept under the rug and, you know, not only to honor her journey, but to also help her see that we were changing and that we wanted to change, and, you know, it came in years later. But I think that the fact that, still, you really learn a lot in those times when, especially when you are feeling maybe out of control and how are we supposed to, you know, be thriving as a mom when we can't do this or when this is happening and when this overwhelm starts to take over, and most of the time, we feel so alone, like we're the only moms going through that. But you and I know, and so many other moms know, that that is just not the truth, and everyone is everyone is going through it. It's the hardest thing, though, to reach out and ask for support in those moments, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 6:22

You know we've all. We all have been raised to believe we're. You know we're superwoman and we can do it all. And we can if we have help. Yeah, and it's about asking for help. I think the most important thing I learned as a parent was to delegate.

Speaker 2: 6:41

Yeah, yeah, and that is so important, and I think that that has some boundaries that come with it. As far as, like, roles that people play, you know, sometimes I have to remind my spouse that I am not his mom and this you know. Like, you have your role, I have mine, children have theirs, and sometimes, as moms, I think we intermingle ourselves with all sorts of different roles that are unnecessary and we don't know that we're putting more energy into that and out of ourselves that we can be putting towards other things. What do you, what kind of advice do you give to moms who find themselves in that wearing too many hats?

Speaker 1: 7:38

I think that, no matter what you're going to wear too many hats. It's looking at the hats and asking yourself, which ones do I want to wear? Because if you, if a mom looks at any any mother looks at their day. You know they, they start out their day, they're, they're the cook, they're the worker, and then you know they're the dishwasher, they're the cleaner. Like you know, they're the dishwasher, they're the cleaner, and even if you have help, it's still a majority of it falls on. And then you look at the other things that you do, like when it comes around your children, specifically for their emotional, social well-being, and how much homework help do you give? You know, and you said you homeschooled. There's all of these different hats.

Speaker 1: 8:27

It's about sitting down and looking at all the different things that you do, looking at what somebody else can do that you're willing to give away. And that's the trick, because sometimes, as moms, we want to be perfectionists, we want to do it all affectionates, we want to do it all. And it's it's understanding that you know you can, you can manage it all and do what you love. Absolutely, if you look at it that way and and there's no reason why, um, younger children can't have a job, it's. I'll tell you this funny story about my kids. So when my kids were were young, I uh, my, my former husband traveled. So I would sit down and I would say mommy has these jobs to do and I need help with, and so I need everybody to take on two jobs. What do you want to do?

Speaker 1: 9:20

and they all chose their job, and then I took on the stuff that they didn't want to do but so they I never had problems, and then we moved when they were teenagers and I didn't, and the house was larger and I didn't know what all the work was and what everything that was would transpire.

Speaker 1: 9:39

So I went about six months where I didn't ask them to do anything, and then it was a fight. And I don't and I might've had it anyway, because they were all becoming teenagers, or it may not have had it at all I have, I can't tell you. However, what I did do was I taught them all to do their own laundry, and that that changed everything. So, by teaching them to do all of them to do their own laundry and that changed everything, so by teaching all of them to do their own laundry then that was less burden for me, it was a great experience for them, and so that by the time they were off to school, they knew how to sort their clothes, how to fold them, how to do all the things that they needed to do so that they could be, you know, independent and self-sufficient.

Speaker 2: 10:30

Yeah, I love that. Well, I think that we should really respect their humanness and that they need to get these life skills. And it's so easy to teach them. Or let them do chores when they're little and they want to, please let them.

Speaker 2: 10:50

I know some moms that are like no, no, I'll do it because they don't do the dishes right and they'll just leave them dirty or whatever. That's okay. Like, let them practice, practice and practice. Like, allow them to take on those duties and those jobs, like you had given me great advice right at the beginning. You know, let your daughter learn how to do taking care of, and do babysitting, and, and yes, exactly. And then not only will she understand the how much work that it is, but hopefully it will also um provide a little bit of um wanting her to live her life a little bit more before she starts her own family someday. Uh, so I think that that's a really wonderful idea. What about moms? Um, like taking care of themselves, self-care, what do you advise moms to do? How do they kind of start that journey for themselves if they've never taken that time?

Speaker 1: 11:53

Okay, I would start the journey by taking 15 minutes for yourself. If you've never done it, especially if you feel guilty every time, you take time for yourselves and work it up. Um, when, um, I would have, particularly on a really busy day, I would sit down with a cup of tea and I would put some. I like classical music, so I put some classical music on and I would tell the kids that they, that mommy needed a timeout and that I needed them to go to their bedrooms and and play, because they never used their bedrooms as a, as a for a timeout, because mommy needed time, because I couldn't leave right, I couldn't, I couldn't go to my room, yeah, so I would just say mommy needs a timeout and she needs 15 minutes to just calm down. I'd make myself a cup of tea and I would think about you know the music. And then, when they got to be a little bit older and they could tell time, they would like, you know, be at the top of stairs. Mommy, your 15 minutes is up, I'm going.

Speaker 1: 12:55

Oh, okay, that might be a good way to start.

Speaker 1: 13:03

And another if you're, particularly if you're a stay-at-home mom or you work from home, if you have a friend, you can always trade off. You might still be working, but you're not, you're not trying to care for kids at the same time. So it gives you, gives you that break and you can still take time off from work and take a break for yourself, um, if, and then gradually increase it so that you have some time every day for yourself. Might be before bed or might be in the morning, um, and do things like um, think about all the things you're grateful for. When you start thinking about what you're grateful for, it creates this sort of energy and happiness inside you, particularly when your kids are young and when they're teenagers, it's even more important to look at them, because teenagers are gifted and one of the things they've learned over the years is exactly how to pressure buttons. And so reminding yourself to be grateful for your kids and to be grateful for you know, you know might be your hairbrush, whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 14:19

I love that I've been doing this practice lately and I told you this before that I sometimes come up with unique ways to better my own self and mental health and everything.

Speaker 2: 14:31

So one of the things that sometimes I get caught up in is, you know, having conversations in my head that aren't real, that are non-existent, with people or ideals that happen, and I know everyone does it.

Speaker 2: 14:46

It's definitely like a human thing, but I don't like the way it makes me feel sometimes and I get I don't want to stay in these strange conversations that may or may not ever happen.

Speaker 2: 15:01

And so you know, I I decided that every time I start, or whenever I catch myself doing this, I'm going to list the things off that I am grateful for. So I'd love that you brought that up, because I've also, like, kind of integrated that into my own, changing my mindset and not letting these fake weird and sometimes they're not even arguments or anything, but you know I just it leaves me feeling unsatisfied because it's not a solution to anything. I'm not sure why our brains go there and do that if it, but anyways, I, if it's not making me feel good, I'm going to change to make myself feel better. So hopefully this is. You know, I'm probably like maybe up three weeks to a month into it and I'm just I feel, and I catch myself all the time and I just it feels so much better to to not kind of carry on with those ideas.

Speaker 1: 16:02

Well it is.

Speaker 1: 16:02

It is better not to carry on with them, and our brain, everyone's brain, does that and it's part of it is our unconscious mind or subconscious mind's job is to protect you, and they protect you by finding all the negative things.

Speaker 1: 16:17

And so these conversations that we all have are ones that, yeah, most of the time they're never going to happen, most of the times they're not true. And, uh, most of the time, if you just say stop and start and you know, say something, you know be, talk about what you're grateful for and then go do something that makes you happy, those conversations take away, um, your, your feelings of worth. Yeah, and you know that means that you're allowing yourself to take away your feelings of worth when, if you asked anyone, they would tell you that you are so worthy and so valuable and so important to your family and your community and your work and the world. Like, you're very important to all of those things and remind yourself of those things. It's one of those things that are, if we allow our mind to create that conversation, we don't come out of it feeling good or on top and move on, you know.

Speaker 2: 17:34

It's interesting, isn't it? I think. Another thing I often find myself doing and I think that everybody is very different my husband doesn't do this, so I know that it's not an everybody thing is that I will often think about well, what are other people perceiving? How is this person feeling? We call it windshielding. I'm looking through somebody else's windshield wondering what's going on for them, and so that's my husband's full of analogy. So that's his perfect way of telling me stop looking into somebody else's windshield. The kittens don't need you to look in their windshield. They're feeling fine or whatever it is, you know.

Speaker 2: 18:15

But I find my another thing that I just find myself getting caught up in and really have to like back myself out of Sometimes. But do we, do you think that we as moms, as moms do that? You know? Look at, well, how are these people perceiving? Or you know, what's this? All these people behind me in line and I'm searching for change and coupons, and oh my gosh, what are they thinking, you know, and I really put a lot of pressure on myself about those things. So do, does every mom go through?

Speaker 1: 18:53

that I think. I think nearly every woman goes through that and probably every person on the planet yeah and um, we, we all, we all do that, and the person behind you, when you're trying to get change out of your purse, usually says don't worry about it, right, yeah, yeah, because you know what, because they've been there, you know what it's like. Yeah, and it's. We are understanding that everyone has these feelings. It's how we deal with them. That's important.

Speaker 2: 19:29

And how we teach our kids to deal with them because, like you said earlier, they're watching, they're seeing we're being role models for people and sometimes we don't know it, or we do know it but we forget and aren't aware in the moment that there are ears listening and eyeballs watching and sometimes recreating themselves to be that same, you know, fitting that same image.

Speaker 1: 20:03

This is something that I really believe is really important is that we treat every person, and especially our children, with dignity and respect, because dignity makes you feel worthy and respect makes you feel like you can speak. If you feel you're respected, you feel you can speak your truth and even if someone doesn't agree with it, it's going to be okay I love that so.

Speaker 1: 20:29

So I think that thinking that, like because sometimes we get angry, we get frustrated, we want to pull our hair out and it's remembering, okay, still treat that child, even though they know you're angry, with dignity and respect, because and then the next thing is when you ask a question, zip, zip it, because they will tell you if they don't think that they're going to be punished for it, or if they don't think that, if they think that you're going to hear the whole story, because an example would be say, your child wants something's happened, they have behaved badly, they know it's coming home or they feel so bad about it and they start to tell you if you get upset about it, they're not going to tell you and maybe it's important, maybe it's not.

Speaker 1: 21:26

You know children. However, if you be matter of fact and you let them finish and you nod to something and let them know you're listening, then you're going to get the whole story and very often you're going to find it's not what you think, and then the next question might be something like hmm, can you tell me why? You thought of that? And you know what? Very often their reasoning was, in their mind, solid, and now you have an opportunity to teach.

Speaker 2: 22:01

Yeah, it's so true. It's so true In fact you made me think I have to just pull this up. There's this quote this morning that I saw. Sorry to do this, but it is just so perfect. It's exactly, and I really just love the way that I think everybody should really understand. It says people don't change their behavior when other people yell at them, shame them or send them away to be alone. People change their behavior when they're feeling heard, understood and loved. Growth and change require connection and compassion. And that is by Kate Turley, I think, or Kate Hurley, from. She's a licensed social worker.

Speaker 2: 22:44

I thought that was so worded so perfectly because, just like you're saying so many times, like, how did we feel when we were being yelled at and berated and grounded and sent to a room alone for two weeks to think about what we did? Guess what? I felt? Alone and alone and alone and a lot more alone. I was an only child, so, yes, and there was no changing whatever had gone wrong. It didn't teach me to change anything. You know what? It taught me? That I had better make my own family someday so that I never felt that aloneness ever again. And luckily, those dreams did come true and to fruition, and I don't, I don't feel alone. But yeah, and you know, I also heard kind of another thing, that we don't feel alone when no one was with us. We feel alone when no one has us. That's perfect. Oh right, give me chills that time it's perfect, um.

Speaker 1: 24:02

I have a friend that says, um, just because you're alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely, and it's runs along the same when you, when some you know that there's going, there's someone there, or someone is um is there to support you. When you know that, that, even if these people don't live with you, you you don't feel alone yeah even though you're maybe physically alone, you're not emotionally alone, and that's where the hurt comes.

Speaker 1: 24:32

If you believe that you are alone in this world and that you're not loved and people, well, you don't believe you're worthy. Other people always think you're worthy, it's just very often we don't. That needs to be addressed, because everyone deserves to feel that ah, I can pick up the phone, I'm not really alone, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:58

That they belong, that they're accepted. And you know it is so hard and we have mentioned that. You know the maturation process and puberty and teen, teenage, teenism. It's hard, it's tricky. They're developing. Their minds are not fully developed. They're excuse me, their brains, their minds.

Speaker 2: 25:35

I don't know if that's going to like help them. We have to realize right now they're not even looking for help from us. They're looking for acceptance from their peers. So when they don't find that we can't fill that gap, I think that's a struggle with a lot. I mean, I'm struggling with that right now and I want people to see I think, more than anything, that even though you have a platform, have a creating a reputation for yourself, have a name, a book, all of these things, you are real and you struggle and you don't have all the answers and you put on 300 interviews and you still feel lost and confused in parenting. It is so you know. I just want everyone to understand how relatable it is and how nobody is. You know we're all here like hoping that somebody else can help us through these tricky parts.

Speaker 1: 26:40

Well, the thing is, we're all human beings and to understand that as human beings we're not all perfect. We all have we all have our ways of doing things. We all have our ways of doing things. We all learn differently. When we change our perception, we can change our thoughts and we can change our actions. And it works, whether you're 5 or 105. It's changing the perception. Then, once you change your perception, your thoughts automatically start changing and then your actions change. And with teenagers, teenagers need to be a coach, in some ways more than a mom.

Speaker 1: 27:21

I got into coaching a really funny way. I was taking a self-improvement course and I was helping the person beside me and they said, oh, you're a coach. And I said, oh, no, I'm not a coach. And the person running the they said, oh, you're a coach. And I said, oh no, I'm not a coach. And the person running the program said, oh, you're a coach. And when they told me about what a coach was, I realized I'd been doing it all my life and parents are coaches.

Speaker 1: 27:42

So all the kids the kids that my, my, my kids' friends would come and talk to me about their problems, and the reason why they always came back was I had learned between all the parenting courses and experience that if you don't tell them what to do and you, you know, help them to come to the, the, the realization, they will take ownership of it and the chances of it getting done will be greater. And if there's a problem, they'll come back to you, yeah, and work it through. So, parents that take on a role of coaching their kids, so that they take ownership, the relationship between you is better, because it doesn't mean that there aren't going to be times when you say, hey, bud, my way or the highway, like you might have to do that. I'm not saying there isn't those times. However, when you can sit down and help them, you know, coach them to the answer and the solution you're going to get the perception change, the thought change and the action change.

Speaker 2: 28:44

All of those things will change change and that's really when we're in those moments and we need that, you know, sage advice of what do we do. That's great, a really great way to look at it, maybe, or to think of the I get to do this instead of I have to do this, and kind of again to pull on those grateful strings, to reconceptualize and get a different perception on what's going on. Well, let's talk about this beautiful book behind you, the Vital Link. Yes, tell us a little bit about that and what you know, what that means for you and how that came about.

Speaker 1: 29:38

OK, well, I'd always wanted to be a writer, even when I was little, and then one of these, but I never did it because I just never felt, you know, like well, like I was worthy enough to write a book or that I knew enough. So what happened was I had this friend contact me and said, hey, there's a book boot, book camp about how to write a book. Do you want to go? And I thought and at this point my I was separated, all my kids were either in university or on their own, and I said, yeah, sure, let's go. And then I got there and I realized, yeah, this is what I want to do. And then they asked me what would you write a book about? And I, as you can tell, my whole life has always been about is helping people to grow, helping people to feel better or to get better, helping people to. And so that's my mantra is like, if I'm not helping you, then I'm not doing what I'm meant to do. And so I started writing the book and I had all of these blocks in the way, and then I started thinking about what I wanted, what I really wanted, and the book changed. Actually, this is about the fourth title Because I kept changing what I really wanted and the book changed. Actually this is about the fourth title, because I kept changing what I wanted and finally I realized that what I wanted to do was I've been so fortunate in that I've been able to do so much learning, have so much amazing experience.

Speaker 1: 31:04

So I took what I learned from nursing. I took what I learned from being a a verbal communication master, from being working in the community, from having children, from all the parenting courses, and also I became a holistic nutritionist when my kids were young because they were having problems eating. So I took all of these things and I wanted to make it relevant. So each chapter is has information about there. It's called nine ways to have more health, wealth and happiness. So there's nine chapters and each chapter includes activities and practice things so that you can learn the skills, opposed to just reading about them. And I also wanted to write it so that you could pick up the book. If you want to learn more about happiness, you can go to that chapter. If you want to learn about mindset and belief, you can go to that chapter and learn. You didn't have to read the entire book to get your one answer. So that's how I designed the book, and actually it's well. It's my greatest pride.

Speaker 2: 32:16

I love that. I I wrote some children's books a long time ago and we published, published them, self-published them. There's seven of them, all about special needs and you know things like that. They were written so long ago that I now would like to maybe rewrite some of them because I've learned so much more since then. And, um, but the same thing as you said. It's like I'm so proud of that.

Speaker 2: 32:44

And at one point, um, my daughter, who is a really incredible artist we had talked about I never got to tell you what her special gift was there. She's this amazing artist. I couldn't draw a straight line to save me, but she can, you know, draw these amazing pictures. Sorry, my cat is stuck in my dress. Holy moly, baby, that's in my dress.

Speaker 2: 33:11

But she, when she was eight and I was writing these books, she said, well, I would maybe like to do something. How could I be in this process? And I said, well, why don't we write a book and you illustrate the pictures? And so that's what we did. She illustrated her first book at eight years old and we published it Now, of course, in her teen. You know she's high. That's hidden way under the nobody ever see this kind of thing, but someday, someday, she'll be able to show her own kids and be proud of it and know that she did something big even though she was little, and I think that sharing that experience with her was so special for me to just feel like, oh my gosh, she looks up to me, she wants to do these things with me. So when they're that age and they're doing those things, revel, revel in those moments.

Speaker 1: 34:08

People revel because, yes, when they get older they want to. A lot of kids want to be like someone else and it's teaching them when they're younger that to be themselves, they don't have to follow that is so true everyone else? Your daughter is she still like to to, to, to draw and illustrate? Yes, so that might be something that if she, if it's her love, it might be something that she wants to do in the future.

Speaker 2: 34:36

I hope so, my. I think that art school would be in the future for us.

Speaker 1: 34:42

That's a wonderful, that, and and you can write another book and she can ask for you. Yeah, isn't?

Speaker 2: 34:48

that the truth, truth, so many, so many possibilities.

Speaker 1: 34:52

Well, once you've written one book, you know the process. You've gotten rid of all the blocks that were in the way that would be preventing you from finishing the first book, and so the next one's coming much quicker.

Speaker 2: 35:04

Yeah, we have seven and there are probably five more that are unwritten excuse me, unpublished but are written. So someday we'll find all of the right. You know, and, like you said, someday it's just not the right timing and the right timing will come when, if and when it does. And if not, then maybe someday somebody will go through my stuff and say, oh my gosh, this is early. Sj Childs works Right, even if it's my great grandchildren, whatever. Too funny.

Speaker 1: 35:44

I hope it comes out before then.

Speaker 2: 35:46

No, no, it doesn't. All the books are out. I have published all the books.

Speaker 1: 35:55

Yeah, they're all self-published, but yeah, yeah, all of the other ones I need to get out, yeah, that's awesome and one of the things about writing books is it you grow as a person with each one. You write so true and um. So, like I have said to people, you know that they want. They said, well, I'd like to write a book, but I don't want to publish. I said, well, write the book, because writing the book itself is creates so much personal growth that more than you know all the courses that you're going to take in the next five years, kind of thing, because you work through so much. Isn't that the truth?

Speaker 2: 36:31

It's kind of like parenting trial and error that's true.

Speaker 1: 36:36

One day, somebody will write the manual yeah, yeah exactly, but by the time it gets out there'll be changes, because let's our kids change? I mean, how we were parented, how our parents were parent and how we parent our children are very different. And even now my children are grown, the children coming up now, the way you parent your children, I'm sure there's differences compared to the way I did, because I mean we didn't have all of the things. Each generation has new things and I I think children are getting smarter.

Speaker 2: 37:11

Yeah, I would have to agree with that. I think the access to unlimited information has created evolution of faster processing in our brains. I think that that's just a natural thing that's happening. So I really do think that that is part of the process. And, you know, it's interesting because right now, today, if I were to look today and think, oh man, I wish we never introduced you know electronics into our family, into our child's lives.

Speaker 2: 37:49

But, to be honest with you, I mean my son was not speaking and he could access information on this tiny little you know computer that only had its own programming of spelling, words and math facts and whatever geography things.

Speaker 2: 38:08

If he had not had the access to that, I wouldn't understand that he was so intellectual and could understand all of those things that gave him access to the world in a way that we couldn't, as his parents, we couldn't through speaking to him. He needed that access. And now today I look at it because she's two years behind him and so of course, in the, in the you know journey of it all, she's been wanting ever since she could to be like him, to be on you know, writing things down and reading things and on the computer and things and, um, of course, now she's, I would say, much more socially mature and understanding than he is because of their support differences, which now makes it like, oh, I wish she'd never gotten into electronics, you know. But but, like I said, it was like this access that it wouldn't. He wouldn't have been able to be who he is today without that access.

Speaker 1: 39:17

So, oh, what a tricky, tricky, double-edged sword it is and just think about the support that parents can give one another, where we can learn because we have electronics. You know it's like there's well, just an example. All right, is all the AI coming out? A lot of the parents are very, you know, a lot of people, period, are very worried about it. I went and I took a course to become an AI prompt coach, not because I want to work for corporations, and it's because when I'm talking to mompreneurs and moms and two kids that they learn not only how it works, how to turn it into their own voice, so whether it's not somebody else's voice, and where to go to test it to be sure that it is their own voice and not an AI voice. Because I just decided that those things are really important for parents to know. It's really important for everyone to know, and your children, I mean.

Speaker 1: 40:22

Think about let's take a teenage boy, because teenage boys sometimes will like to find a shortcut. So they're going to be they might be the first ones to decide that they're going to use it for an essay and they go through all the same things. They're going to submit it to school and it's going to come back with. This is AI or this is plagiarism. You fail the ideas. They put all of the ideas. They did all the research to put the information in. Now it isn't't now.

Speaker 1: 40:56

Their work is being negated yeah and now, if you take that work and put it on a site and it shows that it's human, it shows that it's ai, they can go back and look at it and go okay, my voice isn't really in here. Where can I put my voice in here? How can I? I adjust this? So this is my work and the AI just assisted with it. I love that. Yeah, so that's why I took that, because you know, and that takes the fear away from parents as well and it teaches the kids to fact check and to back check, to do all the things that they are going to be even more important for them moving forward than us.

Speaker 2: 41:38

Not true. You're going to love our quote. A little bit of knowledge turns fear into understanding. Exactly, right, exactly. And got that understanding, you got the knowledge. Now parents can fear a little bit less about what they don't know, because they just need you, just need to go out and learn a little exactly and then the parents are using it for themselves as well, because it's so, you know it's, it's versatile, right?

Speaker 1: 42:03

yeah, that's, and you know the let's face it fear, um, I call there's different acronyms for fear my acronym for fear is feeling excited and relaxed. Interesting. Oh yeah, Feeling excited and sorry, hang on, I'm sorry, you're good.

Speaker 1: 42:44

Feeling excited and accelerated, that's it. Oh yeah, accelerated, that's it. Oh yeah, yeah, because if you, if you think about it when you're, when you're excited, you have very similar physical feelings as when you have fear. So I, looking at the fear and going, oh well, this is just excitement, yeah, I'm just excited. I have have, I'm exhilarated and changing. So you're changing the dynamics, you're changing your mind, you're saying okay, so fear just means and I learned that actually because I had brothers, honestly, because I had four brothers, and so you know, if you admit you're afraid of something, you know they're going to drive you crazy about it.

Speaker 1: 43:37

And so I learned very young that I would do it anyway, no matter what. I would do it anyway because it was easier to do something I was afraid of than to face the consequences of my brother's knowing I was afraid of it. And I learned after a while that two. I learned two things. One thing was it was the same feeling as when I was really excited about something, and also that the more I did it, the less I was afraid of it.

Speaker 2: 44:05

Yeah, that's for sure. I love that. No practice practice in anything you do can. It makes just a world of difference, that's for sure. And it's really easy to forget to practice and to be disciplined with yourself and those things.

Speaker 2: 44:23

And you know, I think it's the word discipline is tricky, isn't it? Because we, we hear it and at least for me. I mean, I was raised by an Air Force general and as an only child and discipline was like the major thing that was always happening. But I don't think that I use discipline in the same way anymore, or I don't view it the same. Like you said, the perceptions have changed and now I see that I can use discipline for my own self-control. I don't use discipline for trying to control somebody else. That's not real or realistic, I don't. I feel like that's my opinion.

Speaker 2: 45:11

But then somebody had said to me well, and discipline comes from the word disciple, to teach, to be there for Like. Yes, I'm constantly doing that for my children, but I do it with love, dignity and respect, as they are individual humans on completely different journeys of this life, and I think that not lumping them all into one category as my kids, or you know, I'm the mom, so I, this is how everybody gets parented. I think it's just. It's made such a huge difference in the way that I can create the relationships necessary with the individuals, if you will. You know, rather than like as a whole.

Speaker 1: 46:02

Exactly, and it's about consequence. So they understand that if I do this and this, this is going to be what happens. Do this and this, this is going to be what happens, and it's understanding consequence. I think that helps you to become more disciplined. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 46:23

It's been so wonderful to get to know you. This has just been a fantastic conversation and thank you for your time. I know that we've probably gone past than what we had expected. But what, before we leave? Where can everyone go to find your book, to find out more about your coaching and support you on social media? Tell us all the good stuff.

Speaker 1: 46:47

So actually, I like to offer to your viewers, especially if you reach out to me, I will give you, I will send you a downloadable copy of my book for free, and I believe you have my information there. Do you have it all? Yeah, so if you reach out to me, I'll be more than happy to, and if you want to have a conversation and learn more, you can just ask me and we can either have a conversation or I can send you information on the programs that I have that help parents I love that.

Speaker 2: 47:23

Thank you so so much. Yes, I do have that. You sent me all of that amazing stuff all put together. I am grateful for that, so I'll be attaching that to the show notes. So please go down and check those out and support Sharon on this journey. Always reach out to me and if you have any questions for me or my guests, you're always welcome to please share them and I'll pass them along and we'll be able to get you the support you need. Thank you again so much for being here today, Sharon.

Speaker 1: 47:56

Thank you, it's honored and this has been wonderful yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:59

Wonderful conversation. I look forward to staying in touch, for sure, oh me too. Me too Okay.