The FractionX Podcast
I wish my boss would ________ . The things your employees really wish you knew.
At best the employer / employee relationship is complicated. Of course there are great organizations with great leaders and inspiring culture where things operate amazingly, but by and large (and unfortunately) the perpetually frustrated employee is the rule.
On this episode Matt and Drew go through a few responses to the poll that asked our listeners to fill in this blank - "I wish my boss would ________ ." In response the guys give some direction on how leaders can better lead their teams and how followers can open up better communication with their leaders.
At best the employer / employee relationship is complicated. Of course there are great organizations with great leaders and inspiring culture where things operate amazingly, but by and large (and unfortunately) the perpetually frustrated employee is the rule.
On this episode Matt and Drew go through a few responses to the poll that asked our listeners to fill in this blank - "I wish my boss would ________ ." In response the guys give some direction on how leaders can better lead their teams and how followers can open up better communication with their leaders.
So, matt, you posted something out on Instagram this last week and the thing that kind of makes us angry and I mean that in the healthy sense, like the thing that we want for leaders is we want leaders to get better Like we've got this anger around leaders and employees not working together, not collaborating together to do great things right. So you posted this like anonymous feedback thing, like hey, what do you wish your boss knew? Or it was a fill in the blank, which I love, was super creative and we got some really great responses. And the thing that we were talking about a minute ago, before we started the episode, is there is the communication pipeline between leaders and employees.
Speaker 2:Most of the time stays clogged and jammed, and we did an episode a while back you can go back and listen to it about feedback and why that is.
Speaker 2:It has a lot to do with psychological safety, has a lot to do with the impact on people's financial situation, but leaders, by and large, leaders and employees are not talking right and so or at least not talking about the important stuff. So the reason why we want to do these episodes is we're hoping to be a safe place for employees and leaders to say, hey, let's talk to the fraction X guys about this, and so we're going to do a couple episodes on this kind of thing. So the first episode and again, we're going to pick on everybody, we're not just picking on one side or another, because I think leaders need to lead better and followers need to follow better right, and everyone's a leader. I get that, but I think there is something to just being a good employee as well, and so we're going to get into that. But today we're going to focus on this leadership topic. A couple of them came through. You know, you never knew what you were going to get online right.
Speaker 2:So I like the one that just said get hit by a bus.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I wish my boss would blank. Yeah, and the get hit by a bus was the first one that came in and we don't condone violence with a bus.
Speaker 2:In their defense. They didn't say that they were going to hit them with a bus.
Speaker 1:They just said just hope. Just hope is not a strategy. I feel like that we.
Speaker 2:There's less buses these days, so they'll get hit by. Something else is probably a little more.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you said this a second ago when there's clogged up feedback channels, it's just a recipe for distrust and contention and things that really break down relationships. And so, yeah, it can get to a point in an employee and employer relationship where it's like this is so unhealthy that I'd rather you just go away than me actually solve the problem with communication. Yeah, which is it gets there? I understand that. Yeah, I mean, if you, if you, you know there's just all these tropes about just like man, my boss is an idiot, I hate my boss and that's just so pervasive in culture and we've talked about this before like.
Speaker 1:One of my biggest like pain points is that bad leadership is so expensive and it's pretty inexpensive to fix a lot of times itself, awareness and personal development, and you can become a better manager, you can become a better leader with a couple small tweaks. So, asking this question and you want to read some more of the answers, you know it's like somebody said hey, don't pay me in compliments, pay me more money. And I can only imagine in this situation, maybe the leaders Love language is words of affirmation. Yeah, they're like oh, I'm really doing this guy a solid, I'm gonna pay them in compliments and the employees like man you say I'm awesome. Yep, can it show up in my paycheck?
Speaker 2:Well, it reminds me I did, with my team along. This is a long time ago. I did this thing I forget exactly what it was, but it basically went through and they took a quiz on the things that they value the most. Right cuz. As leaders, we tend to dish out based on what we, how we, receive right. I'm a words of affirmation guy too, so in my leadership I probably have been this person before right where I'm dishing out tons of compliments.
Speaker 2:But as I did, I realized I had one guy on my team that really valued Travel. Okay, he wanted to travel more and I didn't think about so like anytime I went to a conference or did something else, I would always be like, hey, you want to go with me on this? Good cuz, I knew one of the things that was. It was actually really high on his list. It was some of that freedom on top of me. Now Some people are just I need to admit I'm here to make money, right. Some people are a little more like I've always been, you know, not so much now in my life, but I've always been more like I want to be, belong to a team, I want purpose. Money hasn't been the highest value for me.
Speaker 2:Now you have four kids and a couple of them in college and that starts to change a little bit. But but yeah, I think that is absolutely true. There's probably a words of affirmation. Leader Dishon out the way that they want to be. They want to be, they want to receive, you know, recognition. That's right.
Speaker 1:Some of these other ones was like hey, I'd like more trust in my role. You hired me, please trust me. Someone said hey, please don't hold my previous mistakes against me. And one was like would you give me some professional development? Like I'd like to grow, but you're not giving me anything. I wish my leader would develop me. Another one is will you appreciate the gifts I have, even when they're really direct? And so you know, there's some other studies like I did some additional research and Forbes did this study about a similar topic, and you know, of course, this is a. This is a hot topic the last few years, but, according to the study, 88% of workers say when they're looking for a new position, they want one that's flexible and has autonomy with their hours and location. But this is the one that really got me. 86% of employees said they prefer to work for a company that prioritizes outcome over output.
Speaker 1:I was like, yeah, we've talked about that a little bit more out come over output, yeah so it's like, hey, don't, it's not really about the amount of hours in my work, it's about the amount of work in my hours, like, if you've hired me to do X, don't put me on a KPI. That's about you know quantity, you just, you just wanted this one job done. Let me go do this one job for you, oh man, I, I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 2:I have a client right now and I won't mention their name, but I remind them of this often and I think it's, I think it's it's common. I was gonna say normal, but you know what's normal? Right, it's common For a leader who's in an organization, who is immersed in that organization, to really prioritize. Are you grinding? Next, are you with me in this? Are you know, as opposed to saying, hey, as long as you're doing these things and there's, like you say, the KPIs, or even, or even, is there ROI based on what you're doing, are you adding value? And I have a client that I have to set that boundary with often and say, hey, listen, here are the things that I'm doing for you. This was our agreement, I'm meeting these expectations, but sometimes expatious. Are you on call? Can I call you anytime? I'm like no.
Speaker 1:You're not my only right.
Speaker 2:It's not our agreement, and I'm performing for you at a high level still. So I think I see that in leaders all the time, all the time, and say it again, though it's outcomes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's 86% of employees, so they would prefer to work for a company that prioritizes outcomes over output.
Speaker 2:Just tell me what you need done, let me do it. Let me do it and I'll do it if you trust me with it. Yeah, I'll do it on my own time. I'm like when I read through of these responses, I hear two themes come up. Okay, let's hear it. I hear trust and and I hear value. Okay, those are the two things that most every employee is asking for from their leader. They're asking do you trust me and Do you value what I'm doing? So, whether it's, whether it's expectations, output, whatever that's a value thing, right, are you? Will you compensate me for what I'm doing? All that's like value, right? Do you care about me? One there was a season where you were my boss, right, you're?
Speaker 1:my leader Yep. Do you remember that?
Speaker 2:No, I know it always felt like I was in charge, but you probably feel you get a tiger by the tail at all times.
Speaker 2:But one thing I loved about your leadership is you always made me feel valued because you worked hard to understand my wiring. I think a lot of leaders miss that. A lot of leaders want the employee to adapt to them and how they're wired. I think great leaders do the extra work on Understanding how that employee and it's why you should only have so many direct reports, right, and you have to figure out for yourself how many that should be.
Speaker 2:But you knew. You know, you knew I was in a room seven. You knew I love spontaneity. You knew I love change. You knew I needed just verbally processed. Sometimes you just sit there and listen to me vent. And I remember times where you would just say, hey, we got a meeting and you would move it at the last minute and I that was a Strategy you had because you knew I got excited about not sitting in your office but Going over to Redbike. Yeah, like, for me that was exciting. Okay, cool, yeah, let's go, let's go hang. And and I think it's what makes an employee want to you know, run through a wall for a boss is like Do you, do you value me and then will you trust me to do my job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you, you've paid me this compliment before and I'm grateful. But there's another side to that coin, and I think the unstuck feedback we're talking about is once we knew oh hey, by the way, matt, you're gonna lead Drew for this next season. You came to me and said hey, I Know how you're wired. Yeah, here's a story in my past where I worked for someone wired like you and here's where it went off the rails. Yeah, and so you kind of gave me a roadmap. Hey, just so you know, like I know myself pretty well, I think I understand you a little bit and here's a way we can work together. So maybe I executed it, but you gave me the road map, do you remember?
Speaker 2:that, that paper I wrote.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, so I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Well, and I look back on it and so much of that was fear. It was you and I were, were partners, we had already worked together closely and I knew that I trusted you and I respected you as a leader. But I had some fear around working for a similar personality that didn't work out as well for me before and so, yeah, I was like, well, if I was Matt, I think I'd really value an employee coming in and saying this is what works for me and this is what doesn't work for me. Yeah, right, and a lot of it was out of fear, right, like you know, but a lot of it was just like, well, I Think I'd appreciate, you know, having those having that knowledge of the employee.
Speaker 2:So I think a lot of people talk about leading up, and I think leading up is just Oftentimes another word for manipulation and I think we got to be careful about that. But there are ways to equip your leader. Yep, if you and here's one thing I knew about you and this is something I'm passionate about you I knew you wanted to be a good leader for me. Most leaders want to be a good leader for their employees. We talked about this in the episode about toxic leadership, like Most leaders that I've worked for didn't have ill intent, like they wanted to care about me. They wanted to, they just didn't have all the information or they were fighting their own battles and weren't thinking about me. So I think a lot of times as employees, us equipping our leaders with more information and having to trust them back, trust the two way street of saying, hey, I know you want the best for me, so I'm gonna work with that assumption.
Speaker 1:You know, when I look at this list and I think about that story, of course, anytime you're been smart and utilizing tools that you have, whether that's emotional intelligence or whatever, could those things slip into manipulation? For sure, yeah. But also it's like, if you know so, if I'm, I wish my boss would get hit by a bus kind of employee. Maybe that relationship is in such disrepair that it never gets back on track. But also it could be one of those moments where that employee says, okay, you know what, I'm gonna give my leader grace that they've got maybe more on their plate than they can manage right now, or they're not being in over their head, they may not have the competency for where they've been promoted to and understand that happens to people. So, an effort to repair the relationship or an effort to build a bridge, I'm gonna give them some tools. Hey, so you know I'm leading this team.
Speaker 1:Here are our challenges. This is what you've asked me to do. It would be really helpful if you could do X, y and Z. So could that lean into manipulation, maybe. But it's also like. It's almost like getting a treasure map. Hey, we all want the treasure, we want great results. We want a great work culture. We want to have a great relationship with our leaders and our teams. Here's a pathway to go get it.
Speaker 2:Man, I remember being really frustrated as a leader when I would find things out that my team was wrestling with or struggling with and I was like it would actually cause me to question a lot of things like how come did you not know I cared enough about you for you to bring that to me? And so that's on me as a leader, like for whatever reason they didn't feel safe enough to bring those things to me. But I just remember thinking why didn't you guys say something Like use your voice tell me why do you think people don't advocate for themselves?
Speaker 2:I think, well, I think we write stories right and I think there's a lot of fear there about how it's gonna be received. I always loved to try to like as a leader. If someone came to me where they were struggling, try to like I want them to write the story, like, hey, I can bring this struggle to Drew and he's going to be an advocate for me. But it still would frustrate me that someone would hold on to something for longer. And I think some of it is we want our bosses, we want our leaders to feel like we're capable and we don't need help and we got this. And I think if the leader is willing to go first in vulnerability and ask questions and be like hey, I don't. I don't know the answer to this. I think it trickles down to you. You create an environment of that, but I don't know what do you think?
Speaker 1:And there's probably a lot there, I think, obviously the culture says a lot. So if you're an organization where it's like we don't ask questions, it's a don't ask, don't tell kind of place we just plow through our work, well, that's not going to be a place where people are going to bring things to their leader that are challenging. So, but if the culture is right, it's like no, we do have a culture of feedback and there's employees who are withholding for fear or lack of like. You talked about Psychological safety. We never fully understand the people's stories that work for us. There could be some significant trauma in their life where, when they've tried to raise a red flag before in relationships, they've been hurt, harmed for it, and so, like I'm not going to do that in any environment, I'm going to be safe, no matter what. So safety for me is not saying the truth, it's not saying what I'm experiencing or saying, and so a lot of times, organizations will exactly do what they think they're going to. Hey, I raised a flag and I got punished for we talked about that in the feedback episode. It's never really worked out for you, right, and so when I think about this podcast, we are trying to help leaders lead better. That's right. And even if you have a boss we said this a minute ago you do have things you're responsible for, you have influence over, so you have leadership too, and so sometimes it's just being willing to risk a. They're not going to listen to my idea or they're not going to hear my experience. That may not understand my story in this moment, and I think it's almost always worth risking that.
Speaker 1:Now again, there's always a tension between letting the employees really drive culture rather than the culture being set by the visionary, the organization, and you can get pulled off mission by everybody's you know small personal preference. I really think we should be doing this kind of work, or I'd like this system better. Or maybe our PTO should be this and you can get idea to death. You know, when the I'm not going to the, the inmates are running the asylum. So you do need to have a really clear mission and vision or really clear culture. But inside a place that you've built like that, you can have people, challenge and bring ideas to you. But if we go back to this, you know idea of I wish my boss would blank. You know what I'm hearing. There is frustration, yeah, and it's going to be on both sides, no matter what you do, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I, as you're talking, one of the thought that came up is at the end of the day, I think you got her as an employee. You have to wrestle with the question Do I think that my leader wants me to win and won't once what's best for me genuinely, and that there's a spectrum how you might feel on that Right? But I think if the answer is like yeah, I mean I think they want me to win here, I think they're, you know then you have to be courageous and speaking up and advocating for yourself. If the answer is like no, I don't think and I have worked for people where I've like I don't think they want me to win here, like I don't then at that point you need to start making decisions, to go in and do something else and you know if that's, or even maybe have that conversation, knowing it's probably not going to lead to a great destination, if that's actually true and you verbalize that you know.
Speaker 2:But I think you know as as an, as an employee, I think, finding the company Finding the courage to speak up, finding the courage to have those conversations and finding the courage to really like, do some some, you know, like I've mentioned before, when I work for you, like man, I think Matt really does care about me. I know I'm a feeler and so it used to frustrate the crap out of me when I would go to you with all these feelings and you would ask for data. But that was a helpful question Like, okay, I, you're feeling all this stuff. Like, do you have any examples? Or any? Like, can you? Because sometimes it's just not feeling the same and I think that is true in our, in an employee and leader relationship. Sometimes we feel all these things, but we need to be willing to ask the questions to find out what is actually true and sometimes the leader can give the leader an opportunity to meet you in that. You know that spot.
Speaker 1:Well, you've heard the phrase Good, fast and cheap. You get to pick two, right? Yeah, there's probably some equivalent when it comes to expectations for employees in any organization. I think that most disappointing thing in life are just unmet expectations. And so right, sizing expectations. If you're an employee in an organization, it's not going to be everything for you. It could be culture, it could be compensation, it could be recognition, but you may not get all three of those things. Maybe you're working at a place where you are getting recognition and you are experiencing a great culture, but maybe you're not getting compensated the way you want to. I'm not saying that list is exhausted, but maybe you're in a place where it's got good compensation and good culture, but it's like, hey, we're high performance, so you're not going to get compliments. We expect you to do that, we're paying you for that, so you may not get it.
Speaker 2:That's your compliment, is the paycheck.
Speaker 1:That's right, yeah, and so there's no situations ever going to be perfect, right? So you have to decide. What am I willing to live with?
Speaker 2:And most organizations take on the personality of the point leader and you got to. Even before you join an organization, I would interview that point leader or find out like what are the?
Speaker 2:things that he cares about? What are the things that they like? What's their love language? If you will, you know the word it that way, but find out what are the things that fills them up, what are they passionate about? What do they care about? Like, how do they? Because that, most likely, is going to what's going to trickle down through the organization and you know. One last thing I'll say is, I think, having an intentionality around these conversations. Don't leave them to chance. Build them into your one-on-ones, Like if you're leading somebody. Build questions into every one-on-one that helps with this. Like if we're looking through this and say, man, at the end of the day, employees, what they're wanting most of all is they want you to know do you trust me and do you value me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you ask the questions, you ask your employee every single one-on-one Like hey, where do you feel like maybe I'm not value, or where do you need more value? Where do you need more trust? Where do you mean like, is there anything I can do for you as a leader? Can I resource you better, like invite them into those things and give them the opportunity as employee to kind of say, oh, they're asking me, let me and I think that's one thing. I always try to have a question in my one-on-one. That was a feedback for open dialogue what am I not seeing? A great question is what are my blind spots as a leader? Can you help me with my blind spots and give them the opportunity to speak into that? Do you think that's a great?
Speaker 1:place to wrap, Nailed it. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.