Circle of Parents Interview with Heather Jones

In Chris Lolley's farewell episode of The Pinwheel Podcast, he talks with Project Coordinator Heather Jones about the statewide Circle of Parents peer support groups.

• Learn more about Circle of Parents 
• Contact Heather Jones: email hjones@ounce.org or call (850) 921-4494 ext. 202
  
  
  

Transcript

Introduction: 

Hello, my name is Chris Lolley, I’m the Executive Director for Prevent Child Abuse Florida. In working with children and families for over 30 years in the fields of child welfare, I find one truth stands out: Every person can play a role in protecting children and supporting families. Join me on the Pinwheel Podcast, as I talk with other experts around the state about policies, practices, and programs that are making a difference right now for families in Florida.

Chris: 

Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Pinwheel Podcast. I have a bit of news I want to share with everyone today: This will be my last Pinwheel Podcast as I wrap up eight years here at the Ounce of Prevention Fund serving as the Executive Director at Prevent Child Abuse Florida. Just want to say a special thank you to all of you for tuning in, for supporting us over the years, and I know the great work will continue, thanks in part to the two people who are here with me today, and thanks to our whole team here at the Ounce. It’s been my pleasure to serve in this manner, and thank you all, again, for your support. 

Today, we’re going to talk to my colleague, Heather Jones, who is here to talk about Circle of Parents. Welcome, Heather.

Heather: 

Thanks for having me!

Chris: 

Of course! So, Heather, can you tell us what is Circle of Parents?

Heather: 

So, Circle of Parents is a network of parent support groups that stretch throughout 20 states. Each group is run by a trained facilitator who creates a safe, non-judgmental, confidence-boosting space where parents can meet together and talk about the issues they face and the solutions they have come up with through their journey. State Circle of Parents representatives, such as Prevent Child Abuse Florida, train those facilitators and also send out monthly informational packets to keep those conversations focused and productive. 

The best part about Circle of Parents support groups is that everything about this program is totally free. A parent will never pay anything to be a part of a Circle of Parents group.

Chris: 

Free is a good thing! Yes, very good, especially when we’re trying to offer support to parents, when they need it the most. Being able to bring people together, to be able to share in their challenges, but as you said, Heather, also share their successes along the way so that others can learn. We don’t learn just from our mistakes but hopefully also from seeing others succeed and adopting their strategies or changing their strategies to try something new and different from time to time. So, do I have to meet any special qualifications to be in a Circle of Parents group?

Heather: 

So that totally depends on the partnering agency that’s hosting the group. If the group is open, it means that it’s open to the public. It is open to anyone who is in a parenting role or a caregiving role, that’s seeking support. Closed groups, on the other hand, are meant for a specific type of parent or caregiver, or only available to those who are in another program. For example, our partner Healthy Families Florida hosts many Circle of Parents groups specifically for their participants as a part of their program. We also have a group here in Tallahassee called Grandparents as Parents, and it’s for grandparents who are raising their grandkids of all ages. So, that’s an example of a closed group that’s for a specific type of parent.

Chris: 

So, anybody really, can be in a group, can start a group, but I’m sure there are things that are needed to start a group or to have a group. Can you tell us a little about what all is involved in running a Circle of Parents group?

Heather: 

Most importantly, we need a person to run the group, we need a facilitator. We need a person who will go through the training and learn how to resolve conflict, create a trusting and open environment, lead but not dominate conversation, and be as non-judgmental as possible. We want this person to get these parents talking about things that have worked for them in the past, the challenges they’ve come across, like you said, and also their emotions and thought processes while parenting, all to further the knowledge and connection between parents. 

Besides the facilitator, we also need a place for the parents to meet. Most of the time, if someone wants to start a Circle of Parents group, it’s because the agency or company they work for wants to integrate a support group into their programming, so they already have a space for the group to meet. However, I know of several individuals who have wanted to start a Circle of Parents groups with the intention to meet virtually until they can find a spot to meet, or they meet in a café or a church, just wherever they feel comfortable. Meeting 100% virtually is also a totally viable option, and one that has been really popular, especially after the pandemic.  

Lastly, you need the discussion materials for parents to talk about. While parents meeting together to talk about their personal lives has its benefits, we want them to be able to focus on a singular topic or theme per meeting. It helps keep the conversation flowing and lets everyone have the opportunity to learn. I personally curate materials based on a monthly theme that I send to every group in Florida. I call them “Monthly Mailers.” They are envelopes of several articles, activities, and educational materials that I either select via our partnerships or in-depth searches through credible sources or I create them. For example, this month’s theme was gratitude and joy, so I included an article from Today’s Parent on little ways to give your kids joy throughout the day. I also created a two-page gratitude journal for the parents to list out things they are thankful for or look forward to. 

The monthly mailers are there for a facilitator to lean on in case they aren’t sure what topic they should discuss. Some groups may completely ignore the mailers if they want, and that’s totally okay! That’s what’s great about Circle of Parents, it is based on the parents’ needs and desires for improvement. Parent leadership is a core belief in Circle of Parents. 

Chris: 

So, if they need something to talk about, because sometimes I think just starting that conversation or getting it started, that facilitator that you mentioned, getting the conversation started is probably the hard thing to do sometimes. So, if they need something to talk about, you do a marvelous job at creating materials for them, to give them something. You know, one other thing that I wanna make sure people know is that it tends to go better if you start out with an open-ended question. In the materials, there are suggested questions, or they can come up with their own, right? What are some of the core beliefs of Circle of Parents?

Heather:

 Besides what I previously mentioned about groups being parent-led and non-judgmental, some other core beliefs are things like mutual respect, responsibility, trust, parenting in the present, and non-violence. We want these parents to be able to trust each other, sometimes with things that they are scared to share. Creating an environment where that is possible is key. The group must remain confidential and “Vegas-style,’ as we like to call it, meaning “whatever is said in group stays in group.” A lot of responsibility and respect goes into that, but it’s the reciprocity and mutual trust that makes that possible. 

We also highly encourage parenting in the present. Looking on past mistakes can help us learn, yes, but staying in that place and getting pulled down by shame and blame is what we want to avoid. Maybe a parent has lashed out before or has become violent and regrets it. We want to encourage the future of positive parenting and non-violence, with the support of the group, and promote that change in that parent’s behavior while also not shaming them for the past. Being present and looking forward is the only way progress can be made.

Chris: 

Yeah, it’s kind of hard to change the past. We all have regrets. But you mentioned trust too, so I think that development of that trusting relationship can take time. You know, it’s a constant battle, I think, too, to not just gain that trust but to keep that trust. And you talked about a lot of other things that the facilitator is responsible for too. What if that person just feels overwhelmed or just needs some help?

Heather: 

Well, first of all, they can always come to me. 

Chris: 

(laughs) Good, good. 

Heather: 

Always available and always just a phone call or email away. I can help brainstorm ideas, or take care of some of those responsibilities, and just help any way that I can. 

Chris: 

‘Cause you don’t go away, right?

Heather: 

Right, I am here, I am here to help.

Chris: 

They have other people to help them too, though. This isn’t just a one-person show, right?

Heather: 

Right! Another core belief of Circle of Parents is parent leadership and accountability. After the group has had a few meetings, usually a parent or two will stand out as a leader or key contributor. The facilitator then has the option to make them an official parent leader by giving them opportunities to serve the group. For example, the parent may be in charge of welcoming new members, brewing coffee, arranging chairs. or organizing the space. Maybe even reading an opening statement or leading a group activity. Sharing responsibility is not only key to the group’s success and trust between each other, but it also just helps the facilitator not feel overwhelmed. 

Chris: 

Yeah, I think that’s really important. You know, we talk a lot about the importance of the facilitator and whether she or he or they are comfortable doing that. It’s good to know that number one, you’re gonna be there for them. But it’s also good to know that there are a lot of ways that people can share that responsibility. “I don’t have to just jump in and start leading the group, I can kinda warm up to it a little over time,” I guess is part of what I hear you saying. 

Heather: 

Yeah, there’s a lot of smaller opportunities for the parents to contribute, even if it’s just making a new parent feel welcome. 

Chris: 

Yeah, I know, we call it that “chair-patter” person.

Heather:

 (laughs) Yeah.

Chris: 

That makes anybody a little more comfortable any time you enter a room to have somebody make eye-contact you and pat the empty chair next to them and say “hey, you can sit here, it’s cool.”

Heather: 

Yeah, exactly!

Chris: 

So, speaking of parent leaders, what is in it for them? I hate to say it that way but what opportunities come with being a parent leader?

Heather:

 Parent leaders are recognized on a national level through our PAL team, or Parents as Leaders team. This team meets with the head administrator of Circle of Parents to discuss what is working in their groups and what isn’t. It’s a great opportunity for parent voices to be heard firsthand. We also have a Parent of the Year award we give out annually to parents who have displayed exceptional leadership in their group and the community they live in. 

Chris: 

So, it sounds like not only is there an opportunity for them to be involved locally, but there’s also the opportunity to take it to another level if they’re interested in participating these ongoing conversations at the state or even the national level. I know there’s a lot of talk right now about making sure that we listen to the voices of lived experience, as we say. So what better way for an agency or an organization or for people in general to be able to listen and learn from each other than listening and learning from someone that’s been there and done that. 

Heather: 

Exactly, there’s no substitute for that lived experience.

Chris:

 Yeah, we’re all learning, I think, and realizing that more and more, as every month and year goes by, that’s always been the truth, we just seem to be recognizing it more. So, Heather, I’ve thought a lot about what you were saying while you were talking and I think that what we’re saying is that any caregiver can participate in a group, depending on whether it’s open or closed. But, (laughs) we forgot about one thing, maybe, during that conversation! What about the kids? What happens to them during all that while the parents are in a group?

Heather: 

Well don’t worry, we’ve thought of that! (laughs). Most groups operate within agencies that already provide childcare, so the kids are looked after by that staff. However, if a group is in need of childcare, they can have a volunteer interview for that role and be background-checked as well. Some groups meet with their children attending, which can be sometimes distracting, but it can also be really fun for group activities. 

The most important thing is that if there is a child program with a childcare specialist happening while the parent group is meeting, we encourage activities for the kids to let them express their emotions as well and get to know their fellow peers. We want them to benefit from meeting together just like their parents are.

Chris: 

That’s what I was thinking – just like their parents are learning from each other they can learn too. You also mentioned one thing, so, every one of these meetings, whether they meet once a week, once a month, what I heard you saying is they don’t always have to be the same. They can do activities together or they can, you know, just have a different kind of meeting or event or activity that they do all along and get to know each other that way. 

Heather: 

Definitely, yeah! Like, let’s say there is a community event going on and you all want to go together and meet up there, then by all means! Have a meeting there, just take some time to talk to each other, socialize, and then enjoy the event. 

Chris: 

Yeah, it helps get to know each other when you do things like that too.  So, Heather, let’s say that I’m interested, and I want to start a group today. What do I do?

Heather: 

Well, first, you would call or email me to schedule a facilitator training session. These sessions are super beneficial even if you don’t plan on starting a group, so bring a friend or co-worker to learn how to best facilitate a group of people and gain leadership skills. As we say, the more the merrier with the facilitator trainings. After that training is complete, you would sign a partnership agreement with us. It’s essentially a contract that says we will be here to support your group in any way that we can, including the Monthly Mailers. 

Chris: 

So, Heather, you told me a lot about what I need to do if I need to start a group. What if I’m just not sure and I just want to find out more information. Is there a way I can do that?

Heather:

 Again, I am always here (laughs). Yeah, definitely, give me a call or email to find out more and to find out if there’s a group that already exists in your area, if you want to attend, or if you just want to know more about the program. My office phone number is (850)-921-4494, and my extension is 202, and then my email is hjones@ounce.org.

Chris: 

So, the responsibilities of the agency that’s actually starting the group, or maintaining the group is basically the things that you listed earlier, right? Making sure they have a place, providing someone to call the group together and keep the group going, that kind of thing. But the other thing I think is so neat about Circle of Parents, besides those opportunities that you mentioned already, is that it gives the agency or the organization another way to connect with the community. So that opportunity for agencies or anyone who sponsors a group just to be a part of the community, to become more of a part of the community can’t be undersold, really. 

Heather:

 Exactly, and it really just gives them the opportunity to get to know the parents that have already been there and receiving services or have been in the area. It’s just a better chance to get to know them on another level. 

Chris: 

One more question that I had, so, you’ve been doing this for a little while now, you’ve had the opportunity to listen in to the conversation at a national and state level. I’m just curious, what are some of the things that parents, or caregivers have said that they get out of it, or what do they like about it? 

Heather: 

So, one of the best testimonials that I’ve heard lately came from the Miami area. There is a group where they essentially split the group into two halves – one for English speakers and one for Spanish speakers. I do provide my Monthly Mailers in both English and Spanish, so I got feedback from the facilitator of the Spanish group that said that one of her participants had come up and just explained that it was an excellent opportunity for her to get to know the people in her community and kind of cross that language barrier of not being able to understand her fellow peers or not having the opportunity, really, to speak with them much.

Chris: 

And practice, or whatever, yeah. 

Heather: 

Right. So, it was extremely beneficial for that, and also in the same group, I did a meditation exercise, which they thought was the coolest thing, because they had never thought to meditate before, or they never did a guided meditation. So, to have a group doing the same guided meditation was a whole new experience for them. 

Chris: 

Yeah, I’ve heard a lot of feedback over the years that I’ve been here too, and I think a lot of it revolves around what you said earlier about getting to know people and establishing new friends, even. And finding out more about what’s going on in their community, training sessions that might be offered. Some of the best feedback to me has been when we have people that do maintain that friendship after the group ends and they just become regular old friends and support each other that way. 

Heather:

 For sure, just building that community with each other is honestly what we’re trying to accomplish most of all because when you are in a social network and you have that support, that’s the key protective factor is being able to lean on your friends and lean on your community when you need help.

Chris: 

Yeah, that’s great, I’m glad you mentioned the protective factors. Social connections, we know, are one of the things that really helps balance out stress for parents. And what better way to make new friends and feel supported than by attending or starting a Circle of Parents program. So, thank you, Heather, I appreciate you being here with us today, and thank you for sharing all that information about Circle of Parents. 

Heather: 

Yeah, thank you for having me and if anybody has any questions you can just rewind and get my info. (Laughs).

Chris: 

(Laughs) Thank you, Heather. 

Outro: Thank you for listening to The Pinwheel Podcast, hope for Florida’s families. To contact us or learn more, visit PreventChildAbuseFL.org.