GOATED: "The Goat" Eps 1&2 Recap ft @vanderpumprobs !!

 When Kristen Doute is on a better version of House of Villains, it's not long before Emily and Rob remember "The Cinnamon Challenge". Will Grocery store Joe be able to survive life outside The Bachelor Borders? Is Wendell Holland thankful to be away from his personal drama? Can a Netflix star really think they're GOAT material? It's the episode that worships a graven image, but gets results from it's excrement. 

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Transcript

  Hi guys, I'm back. Well, sort of. As many of you know, I had surgery and I was out for about a week. So I had to take a little bit of a break from the pod. In the meantime, I am dropping something very special for you guys to hear today. I have been and will be covering the The Goat. Now, if you guys don't know what The Goat is, it is this wild reality show that was, oddly enough, filmed here in Atlanta with Kristen Doughty, which was kind of the selling point for me, also hosted by Daniel Tosh who I love, and has a wild cast of characters from reality shows.

It's kind of like a competition show. I mean, it is a competition show, but I don't know if I would take it that seriously. Anyway. So. Me and Rob Schulte of Vanderpump Robs will be recapping it over on his podcast, Vanderpump Robs. Show link will be in the description. And I just thought it'd be fun to drop that on my feed today.

So go ahead and listen to episodes one and two of our coverage. We had so much fun covering this show. It was absolutely fucking ridiculous. If you have not watched it, seriously, just watch a couple of episodes. You don't, honestly, I know I'm supposed to say watch every single one and listen to all of our recaps.

I'm going to say, at least watch the first two episodes. Definitely listen to all of our recaps, but I feel like once you have a good idea of what's going on in the show, you'll still be able to listen to our recaps and have a really great time. So yeah, I will be back, hopefully soon, with some more content.

I, just really quick update from my personal side, I have some thoughts. I just finished The Summer House Part 2 of The Reunion and I have some thoughts. Possibly unpopular thoughts. I have more thoughts about Vanderpump Rules. And kind of the state of Bravo as it stands. Now I do plan on covering the season premiere at least of Real Houses of Orange County.

And for my non reality listeners, I have some very exciting stuff coming up. I will be covering episodes one through three of The Boys on Amazon Prime with my friend Jeremiah. If you're interested in that, stay tuned. I'll be covering House of the Dragon. There's a couple of other things I might be taking a look at, so definitely stay tuned.

And in the meantime, check Vanderpump Robs. Enjoy!  Over the course of human history. There have been many great achievements. Fire, the automobile, laser hair removal. That was a good one. But nothing has impacted our lives like our greatest achievement of all, reality television. Or as I like to call it, documentaries for dumb people. 

With shows like The Real World, Survivor, American Idol, Bachelor, Reality television has transformed the landscape of popular culture forever. But until today, nobody has dared to find out who is the actual best at just being on a reality show.  We have scoured the earth for the 14 greatest reality contestants.

that were available during our production window. Each episode, our contestants will face new challenges inspired by your favorite reality shows.  Come on! 

For a chance to win 200 million. Thousands, not millions. Million $200,000. The stakes are high if you take shows like this Seriously,  but only one can earn the made up titles of The Goat of Goats, the greatest reality tv, star of all time. 

Welcome to Vanderpump. Robs a podcast about Hollywood Valley and everything in between. I'm Rob Schulte, and today I've got a guest, a returning guest, a great guest. All guests are great. We get it. From Who TF Knows with Emily Rose. Emily Rose is back. Hello. Hi Rob. How's it going? Terrific. I'm having a terrific year.

I think. Good. Couldn't ask for anything more. Daniel Tosh is back on our televisions. Oh, thank God. I know. It's Were you a Tosh. 0 fan? I was. I was a huge Tosh. 0 fan. I never watched a lot of Tosh. 0, but it was like, like kind of like poking fun at like internet trends. Like, America's Funniest Home Videos, but for internet trends?

Yes. It was like, early, like, the digital form of a snark sub on, uh, YouTubers and other  He delved into pop culture, like, generally as well. He did quite a lot of content on the Kardashians, but around that time, he wasn't doing that. Uh, but yeah, he did a lot of early like YouTube content creator type, influencer type critiques.

Yeah. Got it. So there was a lot of cinnamon challenge videos. I'm sure. Yes. He did. He did the, um,  God, the ice bucket challenge. He had a lot to say about that. From what I remember,  I remember someone tagged me in the ice bucket challenge about six months after the ice bucket challenge.  What's happening?

And I was like, this is not a thing I'm going to do. I support ALS. Yeah. Oh my God.  I made a joke once. I was like, um, all love to the ALS community, but there's no way I'm going to volunteer to be under freezing cold water. Like a very low stakes joke when I was, when it, for people came for me so hard. And so I was insensitive and I didn't care about the ALS community.

And I was like, oh, guess you can't be funny on the internet. That was my first lesson. I haven't learned it. Well, I think, I think John Waters has a quote, I'm going to misquote him, but it's something along the lines of like, there are people who get the joke and the rest are just assholes. There we go. And I think.

Uh, the live show that we were at. Yes. Uh, there's a lot of people who didn't get one very big joke on stage. You know what? It happens. We've all been there. You know, we haven't podcasted, have we? We haven't podcasted, no. Do you have? Let me ask you. Okay. Have we podcasted since  L. A.? Well, okay. So can I go behind the scenes and say this is our second try at this?

Because I was in a state of arrest. If you'd like to.  It's okay. I can be accountable for my actions. It's okay. Um, I didn't do my best job the first time, to say the least, that we recorded this. So we're re recording this.  Um. Well, let me just put it out there.  Emily was sick. Yes. And she was trying to power through.

Yes. And we decided we will leave that audio for the archaeologists  of tomorrow to find. I was, I was sick. We're gonna do this. And I was self medicating before I knew what my problem was. And then I would find out two days later that my gallbladder was about to actually rupture. About to jump out of her throat. 

So, I didn't know that at the time. So, like, things you shouldn't take for that, uh, you're not supposed to take ibuprofen, I think. It was either Tylenol or Ibuprofen. I was like, I'll pop three or four, I'll be fine. And I wasn't fine. Um, so that's fine. But then before that, I think that you did recap,  I think that you recapped a Phantom of Pumperol's episode on my podcast after LA.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Yes. Yeah. And that was fun. So here's the thing. We're going to talk about the goat and  we're not going to do it in the strict fashion I normally recap shows on because this is a silly show and we're going to have a silly podcast about it, but we should probably talk about, Where we are with Vanderpump Rules now like this episode will come out after the reunion everyone So understand that we have not even seen reunion part two at this point in time.

I wonder what kind of person I'll be  But what I think we should address  What is happening? Like what happens? Because now we've got 11 season of Vanderpump Rules  to see what we've seen on screen and then what happens at a reunion. And is it just me or is just like history repeating itself? Like the stories are different, but the act structure is the same, right?

Yes. It's, it's very awkward. And  I'm seeing with the fan base that like, If they want something to be a certain way and they want to discuss something in a certain way, they're going to find a way to  fit that square peg in that round hole, no matter what. And  it's been a bit of a journey being a Vanderpump Rules fan.

It has been. I think there's this, like, need for people to project their own experiences onto, you know, Some of the cast members from, you know, after Scandalball, people feel, first of all, we got a huge we, we as a member of the community, we got a huge influx of new viewers.  And I've been kind of psyched out because one time I got a comment from someone after I said, I feel like the new viewers really don't have the, the  depth of understanding.

And what I meant to say is that  new viewers haven't had the time to grasp all of the other outside of the show things that have happened and all of the additional context from things that they have. There's no way at the point that I was writing this comment, there was no way. And so we have so much other knowledge that, unless you ask me about it, I can't even tell you, unless you, like, ask me that I remember that.

Lala said that at her live show  after the divorce of Katie and Tom that Katie was on stage talking about How she was already sleeping with other guys. It's just that they weren't in the friend group like things like that You got to ask me about to remember  So that it doesn't you know, whatever not that it she should be able to sleep with whoever She should literally sleep with whoever she wants as many people as she wants But then the question was something about You know, he's just going around and sleeping with whoever he wants, and it's like, well, they both are.

It's just that he was violating a certain term. So, anyway. All of that is to say, they don't have the context, and so they're kind of, there's also this thing, and I don't know what to chalk it up to. I don't know if it's the new viewers. I don't know if it's viewing the show in an era where This show would not be filmed in 2024, the way that it was in 2013, 2012.

Mm hmm. I think people really have this need to make things  Makes sense to, to have a black and white outcome of things that are deeply nuanced and deeply gray, like the most heather, dark heather gray shit that you can possibly find, okay? It is, it's just not, it's not black and white, and so it's, it makes it hard as someone who, you know, I'm on a journey with like Katie, in fact I have season four playing in the background right now.

I'm watching her through the captions call Lala. Uh, stupid whore.  And it's like,  some of this stuff isn't out of her system, guys. Some of this is who she is. And the thing is, yeah, and with that specifically, like the hard part for me is like,  Katie is very much about accountability and,  you know, she could have been accountable for this on camera and it got edited out. 

You know, we know that's been doing, but she definitely has the ability to be accountable for stuff on Instagram, uh, on social media that she's never, ever, ever apologized for some really bad things. Now, granted, has other people not apologized? Sure. But I'm not talking about other people. I'm talking specifically about this because  after reunion part one, you know, it's out of that, like on a production call, Katie got said that she was frustrated with Ariana, but then didn't want to bring that up. 

On camera, and then she does her notes app apology about how she's, you know, not everything needs to be aired and sure, that's fine. Yeah. And like, you know, having a frustrating time with a friend is what happens. It's like, okay, cool. Now apply that whole thing. Right. To.  Uh, calling someone a whore and rage texting your friends and like, like that's just one option of one character of one person  that could happen.

The thing is, that line of logic and need for accountability for past and surely future actions can be applied in different ways to every single one of these people because every single one of these people. Uh,  are really,  their, their, their ethos is not like something to be lauded, okay? So. Yeah. I just don't get it.

It's almost like if you're on a reality show for a decade, something fucked up happens to your brain. Right. It's almost like you're monetizing your reality so your reality is shifted to make whatever makes you the most money and then, uh, you do things. That will make you the most money, which oftentimes is like a dramatic or out of character or  out of body thing that people wouldn't normally do day to day.

So, and then I think the most important thing, and I think that you mentioned this a little bit on your episode with Molly, uh, McAleer that you guys recapped, the reunion.  We need to start giving these people a little bit of credit for their experience for 10 years on this show. Uh, there's a lot of narrative out there that I think I'm finding frustrating.

I talk about this on my episode two of, like, Ariana just doesn't know what these people are doing behind her back, and she just doesn't know who they are, and she doesn't know this, and And, uh, Sheena just, she does not, she just doesn't get it, she doesn't get the point, and I'm like, Guys, they get it. They all get it.

They all get it. They all get it. Ariana knows exactly who the fuck Lauren from Utah is, she knows exactly who the fuck Sheena is, she knows who Kate, like, she, she knows. And for She knows. In some, in some ways,  that's probably why she had been a level of, uh, disenchanted with the whole thing. Up to the point where until she was the subject of it, maybe she wasn't all that fucking interested in being on the show anymore.

And maybe she expressed that. And maybe, that's what people feel, right? Yeah.  You know, what gets me is like the recent thing where someone put up a poll. Do you think Vanderpump Rules will be back for season 12? And Ariana voted no. It's like,  yeah, because if she voted yes, it wouldn't be nearly the same amount of  hubbub or interest or anything.

And guess what? Whether or not Vanderpump Rules comes back for season 12 isn't the point. No. Like, Ariana's not making that decision. No! So if she says, no, I don't think it's coming back for season 12, She's just trying to get y'all riled up and now you guys as I think Molly said this you all are being produced now Oh, yeah, you guys I believe that was me.

Oh, I'm sorry No, it was a conversation we had we're like definitely I mean Molly's Much smarter than I am, but like we did end up being in this position where it's like, you're just as produced as the people on this show as everything else. Like  I even said on the finale episode of season 11 that I actually, and I do believe this,  I'm swearing on a stack of his right hand is raised right now.

Guys, don't worry. I believe that  this wasn't intentionally a Sandoval Redemption arc. Like, I don't think they were trying to force a Sandoval Redemption arc. I think they were trying to produce a season  really riled up the audience. Like, how can we piss off The audience in a way that they'll still keep watching, but feel like they can critique us and critique all these things.

They're like, what's the most wild thing we can put out there. What if after celebrating Ariana all season, we do a season where we try and make it look like we're trying to get Santa fall celebrated and failing miserably. Like that's going to drive our viewers insane. Oh, and leave out like. Any kind of context or background information that could be even remotely definitive so that debates online can spur and go on and on and on and drive people, in my opinion, like me, ultimately,  uh, to a burst gallbladder.

I blame Vanderpump Rules. Well, yeah, and And I think the same way they're doing it at us, like they threatened all the people that's like, you got to play ball or we're not going to have another season. And Lala and Sheena are like, well, we have children.  They're picking up the bat, honey. I need to do what needs to be done to keep the show alive.

What started Vanderpump Rules? Sheena going crazy, not crazy, but getting wild out there in the streets. Unraveling a bit, sure. Unraveling, sure. Uh, but we should. We should get to the goat, but I do want to update you. I,  my plan is to cover  Southern hospitality in the off season. I love, and I've almost reached the Southern hospitality, Southern charm. 

Nexus episodes.  I think I've got about a season to go. So I'm going to need you to come on for some hospitality in the future. Oh, gladly. And if you ever do cover Southern Charm,  I am the love that I have in my heart for that show. It's deeper than Vanderpump Rules. It really is. Wow. Like I really Only started watching Vanderpump Rules after Southern Charm, so I'm a big S.

C. head. Well, I do think I need to do some Southern Charm Patreon only episodes. Yeah! Maybe once we're done with the GOAT. Oh, listeners, Emily's going to be covering all of the goat episodes with me. So this is us dipping our toes in the water to doing more actual episodes. So I do think we should do Patrion Southern charm episodes.

That could be fun. I'm down. Um, but let's get into the goat. We're going to cover episodes one and two today, and this isn't a Bravo show. This is a game show. This is like house of villains, but sillier. And.  That's why we get, we get Daniel Tosh's host. Let's run through who's on the show real quick. Sure, sure.

So we got Daniel Tosh's host. We've talked about him. Love him. C. J. Franco from FBoy Island. Right? Yeah. I guess she was the winner of FBoy Island. Yeah.  I'm not a fan. I never watched it. I didn't watch FBoy Island. Yeah. I don't know. I like her on the show, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  It sounds good. Um. Lauren, Lauren Speed Hamilton, she's Love is Blind.

Yeah, can I just say, wild choice. A wild choice. She's got to be I can't watch Love is Blind. I, it's Look, I love Love is Blind. I've really, I've really  Been through the trenches with that show. I watch every season I have begged to be selected to audition for the show if they asked me I will do it  Would you do the circle?

I would not do the circle. I would only do love is blind  And I've actually because of love because of love because I want love not  Fame or money or anything like that. I don't want that. Um, no, but the, I also met someone who was a casting director for love is blind. So it didn't get me anywhere. Um, but I didn't meet them and yet of there we go.

Thank you.  Of the people on this cast, Lauren is the most ridiculous ass choice for, I mean, it's, I mean, she's a nice girl. But she's like, notoriously like, the most boring. And so I don't know, because they were the first couple.  Why would she be the GOAT? Why would she be the GOAT? Because her relationship lasted.

Like, I would say, if the stakes are reality television, that's  quite the opposite, man. So I had to rant about that. She's great. She's nice. She's so sweet. I like her social media. But she seems out of place on a show like this. Very much so.  Uh, compared to who's next. Jill Zarin.  OG Roni Housewife. She thinks she's on Traders.

It's so funny. Yeah. Like she really thinks she's on like a high stakes  show that isn't on Freevie. Um, and you gotta, you gotta respect though, bringing the traitors game to free V goat. Yeah, we need it. We need the, she's always down to bring some level of delusion, which is what I appreciate.  Speaking of delusion, Kristen Dodie's up next  Vanderbilt rules.

And I remember when this was announced, like. Like Kristen's going to be on a game show. Whoa. Kristen's going to be on the Valley. Whoa. Like, and then obviously this is coming once the Valley's coming to a close and  we see all of these things happening. But I think being able to see Kristen in this scenario is going to show us  if the Kristen we see on Vanderpump Rules in the Valley  is true Kristen, right?

Yeah. Like a show like this is not the people who edit Vanderpump  Rules in the Valley. Right. Right. So, and it's not conducive to the same sort of storytelling. Now we will get into when we talk about episode two,  a little bit of Kristen starts coming out that we're familiar with, but we'll, we'll get there.

Um, Tayshia Adams, we know from Bachelor  Bachelorette, happy to see her on our screens, Grocery Store Joe, less than excited, but I don't know, Bachelor.  He owns a grocery store, but is now part of Bachelor Nation. Good for him. So, Paola Mayfield, she was from 90 Day Fiancé, which I don't watch, but I feel like if I did watch, I'd want to watch absolutely everything that has to do with that show.

Yeah, I, I can't, I don't have the bandwidth to, like, dive into TLC culture, but that sounds like I'm being a snob. Adults adopting adults, though. I mean, look, I, I'm jealous. I want, I want to dive in. Um, but I just, I don't think my heart can take it.  I was at a podcast conference once and, uh, there were some people who were talking about their, you know, they were on a panel about reality TV.

Oh, cool. And I think this one of the shows was reality gays. Oh yeah. I don't know if you've ever. Yeah. I love them. Oh, I love them. They're fun, but they pretty much only cover TLC shows and  they said it's because the Bravo network or the Bravo universe was so saturated. And I was like, cool, I don't know about that.

But. Like in terms of the TLC,  like, but I could see like sitting in a chair being like, well, there's all these Bravo podcasts. What's the thing we can't do? Sorry, but they had a spin off Southern charm podcast and it was,  it's, they stopped covering Southern charm the season before last, which was really sad cause they started it from the beginning.

It might've been their first podcast. I don't know. Wow. And it's so funny. I got into them through Watch What Crappens. They were one of the two first Bravo podcasts I ever listened to.  Wow. Wow. Speaking of Bravo. Sorry. No, no, no. I, I need to know this sort of stuff. Yes. It's very important. Uh, Reza Farahan from Shaws of Sunset, which, as you know, I've never seen Shaws.

Right. It's in the line. I'll eventually, I'm sure get to it on the podcast, but all I know from Reza is his experience on this show and traitors and he seems a bit much. Uh, yeah, he, the, uh, The cast of Shaws of Sunset are evil people, and he is an evil person. They are like What is the conceit to that show?

They're a family of realtors? They're a friend group of, like, very, very wealthy, um, people. It's kind of like, it's literally Vanderpump Rules with, if they had more money, and were like, just more evil. They're Hey! Hey! Hey! It's truly like you get into it and you're like, Oh, this is kind of a fun show. And then it gets like, I don't know.

It's really crazy. I don't know how to describe it. I'll never watch it again. I'll have to pick it up. Yeah.  Speaking of weird, uh, Wendell Holland's on the show who won Survivor Season 36. Now, in this first episode of The Goat, we see how he's like doing this for his wife and kid. Right. And how he's a good family man.

Well, the Survivor drama  is that the  winner of last year, as of this recording, Survivor season, because we're currently in a season of Survivor as we record this. Oh, okay. Previous season. Uh huh. Uh huh. Previous season, because they do two a year, the previous season. The winner of that, uh, actually hooked up with Wendell, uh, Wendell cheated on his wife with her and, uh, caused a big stir in the Survivor community.

Oh my god! Drama! Yeah, so He should be on Vanity Fair Rules. Maybe that'll give us a little spice.  No kidding. Wow, I did not know that. Okay, well that makes more sense. As to, is that known while this is filming?  Like, is that, I don't think it's known while it's filming, but it is known now while it's airing. 

That's interesting. Wow. Well, yes.  Uh, we also get tech homes from, as I think most of us know, real world 99. Sure. Which was  99 is huge. I'm actually, I, I know I don't need another  podcast, Emily, but I've been talking with my friend Tim Barnes about trying to do something, how can we do where the entire series is, we just watch movies from 1999 because it's such a like huge year for media in general that like,  but real world 99 was just as influential.

What city was that?  Uh, that was Hawaii. Okay. Yeah, I've never seen it. So I'm unfamiliar. So just, Hawaii. Hawaii. Wow. Real world, Hawaii. The whole state. That's great. Imagine if they did real world Georgia. Oh,  that would be dark. Yes. Oh, but be really dark.  Very much so. Well, Not Dark is Alyssa Edwards slash Justin Johnson  from Drag Race.

Love.  Justin's great. Uh, we'll get more into that later. Yep. Um.  Devon Rogers from Big Brother is on here. Finally get some drama with her in episode two. We'll get there. Uh, then we had Joey Sasso from the circle season one. He won that. You said you wouldn't do the circle. I'll tell you why I wouldn't do the circle.

Tell me. Um, I would be too. Fucking bored. Yeah, like  these people look so bored on that show and then like every other day You have to have like a solo dance party. Yeah, I Couldn't ever do that. Look there's too many gimmicks in the circle I think that love is blind has it perfect But then there's another spin off called perfect match that takes all of these  Netflix world reality dating show people and puts them in a Their own dating show.

And it's actually fascinating. And so, uh, I actually think maybe CJ was on Perfect Match. There's only been one season so far. But Joey was on that, so that's how I know Joey. And I found him absolutely fucking  miserable on Perfect Match. But he's one of those you like, grow to love. You know? Um, and I felt the exact same way the whole first episode.

I was like, God, I hate this guy. But then towards the end I was like, Oh, Joey, and then kind of like a  young poppy fuego on the recent season of the circle. If anyone has watched that, perhaps that old salt young poppy fuego anyway, uh, Our last contestant is Jason Smith, who was from Food Network's Holiday Baking Championship. 

So Literally no idea. He's a, he's also on America  Cookie Challenge, Best Baker. Anyway, he's on a baking show. Those shows don't exist, first of all. So, they just needed the sassy guy on there. And he drives me nuts, but he's necessary.  Well, basic conceit of The Goat is it's a survivor like game. You know, each episode, people vote each other out at the end, and you're trying to find the greatest reality star of all time, as Daniel Tosh says, that are available to film in this moment.

Right. So we get that sort of tongue in cheek humor throughout the whole thing. It's very dumb. So if you like go in knowing that it's going to be dumb, I think it's easier and more palatable, but each episode has a like  theme.  Kind of. And I say this with the most extreme air quotations. Yes. So like episode one is survivor theme or survivor based challenge themes.

There's a one game at the beginning  to see who the goat of the episode is,  and then, which is essentially Immunity Idol. Right. And then one game at the end? There's two games an episode. And so the first challenge, the point is to get the goat.  Yeah. And the second challenge And they can't be eliminated no matter what.

Right. And then the second challenge is to divide people into teams and then,  uh, break down their character from there.  Yeah. Now let's break down this event. They have to build a raft Yes. That supports over 50 percent of the weight of three people. Right. Right. And then swim to, from one side of the pool to the next, to unlock a chest and be the winners.

Right.  Yeah. Cause they don't This isn't very complicated. Build anything out of the chest. No. They just have to unlock it. It just like releases balloons. Right. And  it's not a big deal. Like it is. It doesn't have to be more than what this is. You just have to build your raft  better than the other team.

Yeah. And Wendell, being from Survivor, has the like brilliant idea that we build two rafts. One is a Oh my God.  Is a, is a smokescreen raft that we hope they look at and cheat off of us for, which didn't happen at all. No. And the other one's a simpler raft of just like four pool noodles taped together so that we can go across. 

And they do beat the other team and like, they try and be like, Oh, they had a fake raft. And everyone's like, why did you do that?  And they're like, it just didn't pan out as well. And then as they're going across, it's like obvious that they're just swimming because they're sinking. Cause it's three human adults  on a couple pool noodles.

Yeah. And they're like, isn't that, that didn't support 50 percent of their weight. So they were disqualified.  And,  bang, there it is, right? Like, very simple, very silly. Now, how did a guy with that kind of brilliance get caught cheating? I just don't know. I, I, how could it happen? Hmm. How could he get caught cheating with another winner of Survivor?

Wait, no. His, his, his mistress?  No, his wife is the solid raft that he hopes other people are looking at.  While he's away, the decoy raft,  the, the noodle mistress that does not support him and eventually leads to his drowning.  It's symbolism. Rob. It's,  it is symbolism. It's, and we all get it. Yeah. We're, we're all there for it.

Um, the interesting thing to me between these  like challenges is that like immediately they're like, well, we must form alliances. Like there's no. Yeah. Yeah. Especially this comes up in the second episode so much that I'm like, do they all think that they're on traitors? It's so goofy because Daniel Tosh Or Survivor.

Or Survivor. Like Daniel Tosh very much sets this up as like self referential. This is a joke of a game. I know where this is filmed. I promise you this is a big joke. The pool joke. It's just a joke. Yes. They, they put, when they're casting their votes for who should to be eliminated, they put it In a gold statue of an actual goat with its mouth open, whisper the name, kiss the goat, and then they get the votes out of the goat's ass. 

Because this is obviously, uh, produced by the Illuminati and they are all under control of the goat. It just could not be more unserious and so the whole The way that they still are defaulting to these, like,  serious,  air quotes, tactics, is,  it, I mean, it kind of is very entertaining.  Yeah, and it's wild because at the end of episode one,  there's a tie.

Yeah. And actually, let me take a step back. That's wild in general, that you're going to have a tie on episode one, but  with all of the, what I'm trying to say is with all the discussions of having alliances, like even CJ is just like, wait, people are forming alliances on this show on day one. Like what? I don't even know these people.

I was on like C grade reality TV and who am I? Okay. I guess I'll form an alliance with grocery store Joe or something. Yeah. And,  and it happens, it goes through, and then, because Tayshia's the goat, she has to do the tiebreaker, and she chooses,  it was between Joey and who else? Do you remember? It was between Joey and Jason.

That's right, Joey and Jason. And her logic is,  if it came down to  the final vote, and it was between her and Joey, she wasn't sure if she could take Joey, take, quote unquote, but she knows she could take, quote unquote, Jason. And I'm like,  What are you taking? Also, what the fuck makes you think that? Like, why you don't know them?

It's so weird. 

Like, when people talk about someone being gay, Like production being involved on Vanderpump rules, like sure. But this is the one where it is very obvious. It's like, Hey, we need to create some stakes. So we need you all to form teams. Can you all just like figure out how to form teams while doing this?

And then the weirdest thing, sorry to jump ahead just a little bit, but I don't want to forget this.  I was like watching and granted y'all I'm medicated. I'm in pain, whatever. Maybe I missed something, but CJ.  Then Forms has this really deep conver I think it's CJ, conversation with Jason where she's like, in tears and it's weird because we don't find out till the end of the conversation that she has two dads, so her, you know, dads are gay and so like, his story, Jason's story I guess like resonates with her somehow, but we don't learn that till the end of the con till the very end of their conversation, so we get like five minutes of these people that Do not know each other that are like crying over how much they love each other day two and it's so weird and how they're gonna have an alliance and it's just, I, I was like, I must have missed something but no, it's, it was ass backwards.

It was really funny. Very much so. And speaking of ass backwards, in episode two people have to go ass backwards through the mud. Oh my god, that challenge, let me tell you.  I could not be on a reality competition show for a couple of reasons. One, I hate competition. Two, bullshit like this. Do not tell me that we're doing Bravo trivia and none of the questions actually have shit to do with Bravo.

And as a former trivia host, I hosted trivia for a year and I didn't get to create the questions. The man who wrote them always did shit like this and it always pissed my customers off because they would be like, The, the round would be baseball and so if it's like this baseball field is in Chicago What's the most popular sandwich shop in Chicago like is basically exactly what they do with Chicago except With Bravo, and I just, I, sorry to rant about it, I'm sorry, I feel passionately about well structured trivia questions, okay? 

You really should. Well, and like, that's why when I used to do trivia, and  rest in peace to our old trivia host in Kansas, he was great, but uh, He would have people be a co host who got to write half the questions. I mean, it was a total racket. Like he was very smart. Like I have someone else do half the work.

I'll split the drink tickets with them. And if we make any money, they'll get some too. And, uh, but I, I loved co hosting because I would just make the,  I would make questions that actually worked, but I would make them work for me. Right. Like, I'm not going to like, I don't know anything about baseball, about Chicago.

I'm not going to like do that. Yeah. One of my favorite was, do you remember when Netflix, when it was the DVD service and they introduced streaming and it was just your Netflix instant cue? Yes, I do remember that. Yeah. One of my consistent categories was Rob Schulte's Netflix instant cue, because that was also the days where you did not get high tier. 

Movies right on instinct. You're right. No. So monster was always an answer  to be, yeah, it was like to be. Yeah.  So yeah, this theme is that they're being dragged through the mud because that's what people do on Bravo shows and you either answer the question. If you don't know the answer, you can run through a mud pit to get a hint.

To then go back through the mud pit. Yeah. It's so ridiculous. I can't even. And so whoever wins is the goat  in this episode. It's not Taysha.  CJ was the goat. Yes. It was CJ. Taysha was episode one. So yeah, CJ wins. We get a Passover dinner hosted by Jill Zarin, which is fun. Actually, that was really cute.  Yeah.

Maybe the best part of the episode. Yeah, I agree. And then. What we didn't talk about at the beginning of episode two, though, is the women's alliance. Where like, all the women meet in the room and all the guys are like, Humpty Dumpty Dum, I wonder what's going on up there. Yeah. Oh, God. So forced. All I could think when they were doing that was,  there's something about her stans would love this shit right now. 

Oh, man. You're so right. I was like, the whole time I was like, why are they forming a woman alliance? It's not, that doesn't, that doesn't actually benefit them at all. Like, Yeah. Cause like  some of the women are still going to have to go home cause there's only one person that wins, right? Yeah. Because they're not even talking about how like, Oh, we're about to be split up into And then after Passover, we get that  scene you were talking about between Justin and CJ.

It was just like, okay, this is a good scene, but it like didn't happen in a way that makes any sense until the end. So if you skip through it at all, right. What'd I say? I said Jason. I meant, I think I meant Oh, it was Justin. There's Justin and Jason. Sorry, I meant Justin. Sorry. Sorry.  Don't come for her, everyone.

Yeah, guys, leave me alone.  Yeah, she's medicated, okay? God damn it. So, in the next challenge, Tosh comes out dressed like Lisa Rinna. So good. To an extent. Jill Zarin goes, I thought he was dressed like me.  I was like, girl,  come on, come on,  this is very Cali. You're New York. We all know. Come on. And this one is at least somewhat more Bravo  centric and it's that they have to do a relay course.

Yeah. You have to. Flip a table like Teresa Giudice. You have to then throw silverware that is wrapped in napkins from one bus bin to the next bus bin, like Vanner Pumperwolves, uh, season one, maybe. And then you have to get to the below deck thing, which is just throwing a life preserver over a boy. And they try to edit this to be neck and neck.

It's. It's fine, you know, it's like when you watch the amazing race and they're like, these two teams are neck and neck, but like, why is the sun setting on one team and not on the other? Uh, ends up that Wendell's team wins. And so that puts  essentially  between grocery store Joe and Tayshia. So at one point I was like, when they're trying to flip this table, which their strategy was both of them fucking ridiculous.

Like they're like both on rather. You would want to be on the edge of the table and you would both want to use your leverage to like  I would think Whatever. It doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm sitting here watching this. I'm like, how fucking long are they taking to film this? And Daniel Tosh out loud goes, usually I'd be ready to rap, but I could watch this all day I was like, that's so funny.

And then he starts yelling out quotes from like different Bravo shows and then he goes It's not about the pasta! And Kristen, who hasn't been eliminated, She was, she was chosen to be put on the sidelines. And she took it in stride. I guess she'd gotten quite injured throughout the course of the day. And so she's on the sidelines, and she's standing next to Tosh, and Tosh goes, It's not about the pasta!

You know what that's from? And Kristen goes, Mm mm. Yeah, he goes, what's it from? Yes. He goes, Vanderpump Rules. And Tosh is like, yeah, I was like, this place?  Tosh, Tosh, do you know who you're talking to? That is fucking insane right now. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so glad you brought that up because it was wild to have  Arguably the biggest Bravo star on this show. 

Sit out during the Bravo The Bravo Challenge. Challenge. Whether or not she's injured, it's just, it is wild. Yes. Because it's not like this was  too crazy, but you know, Kristen gets on the right side. She does. You know, she doesn't have to be on the vote. And I am like, interested. In knowing like when these people will experience, like when will Kristen's like true form show because she will be able to win this game.

If she turns it on, well, she's already kind of shown a lot of her like competitive  side and the the competitive she's got that thing that competitive thing that I hate in people and so that's starting to come out but the like kind of wild conniving reckless abandon hasn't come out full force yet and I'm that's I think what we're waiting for well it is interesting Um, That it like somehow gets chalked up between Grocery Store Joe and Tayshia, like I was saying.

Yeah, I was confused. To be the ones people are voting for. Like on all these vote out shows, it does, like the thing that's not really edited out loud, I should say, is that like, they bring it down to like two people. Are we going to vote for this person or are we going to vote for this person? So that like  the people who have made quote alliances are in line.

Yeah. And Tayshia sits down with Grocery Store Joe and has like,  I liked Asia, but she has some of the dumbest advice and it's like almost condescending towards him because, and Joe does the same thing right back to her, but she's like, you know, you're going to get voted out, but you need to like try to put it on someone else.

But the, the point is though, is that Joe's like, yeah, you see what you're doing. You're saying you need to vote for me because of your alliance of all the women, you know, she says this woman's alliance.  And he's like, but don't you understand that that's like eight people. And so if you don't start figuring out another way, like it doesn't even have to be me, but like, if you don't find your way out of this eight person alliance on like a 10 person show, like you're gonna be at the bottom of that list real soon.

And then they'll just come for you.  And then of course, that's what happens. Cause they all vote and they realize. And  that, because just before the vote, Tayshia says, I had to sit down with Joe, I told him about the alliance. Well, you told him about our alliance, you're gone.  And which is exactly how that stuff works.

And so they vote Tayshia out. Which by the way, it's not like,  it's not like he couldn't have figured it out based on the fact that, you know, two hours ago you guys were all upstairs with the door open to this open balcony house talking about your alliance going back and forth. So. That was clear. And he, he pretty much said like, yeah, you didn't have to tell me.

I already figured it out.  Anyway. And so then, but there was  three votes for grocery store Joe  and the rest were for Tayshia. And so people just call us through, they're like, who voted for Joe? Yeah. Because that means that someone broke an alliance somewhere and it,  who was, it was the gal from big brother, right?

She's just like, it's me, but I'm not telling anyone. Is it Siobhan? Yeah. She was like, or Devon. Devon Rogers. Devon. She was like, yeah. I mean, it was me, but. No, I,  they don't need to know that. They don't need to know. And that's the best way to play these games, right? Yeah. Yeah. She's gonna go far if be a good enough liar.

Uhhuh . Yeah,  I can see that. And so that's where we kind of wrap. They tisha's a little pissed off. They like send like a Ford Taurus or something to pick, pick her up. No, they send a Prius. She's like, I got here this. Oh yeah, a Prius played and they're sending a Prius to pick me up. I was like, humble yourself,  , humble yourself, my friend.

Bring it down a notch. Literally. But we're, you know. I, I look forward to watching more of The Goat. Uh, me too. And I can't imagine there's that many seasons of this show. You mean seasons or episodes? Or that many episodes. Oh, cause that, both to me. Episodes. Oh, Lindsay gave me some sound advice when we were recording just before this.

She said that there are Lindsay of Vanderpod Recaps? Yes, Lindsay of Vanderpod Recaps. She said that there's lots of spoiler content about the goat out there, guys, that it, the spoiler warnings in the caption, but the thing that they're spoiling is the actual post, the first slide. So, uh, be careful if you're like us, because I haven't seen episode three yet, so Neither have I.

Maybe I'll go watch it now to just, like, avoid that. Oh, good, good idea. I should do that too. Yes. Um, yeah. It sounds very productive. Yes. Um, well, Emily, you want to remind people where to get your podcast? Yes. My podcast is Who TF Knows Emily Rose. That's at Who TF Knows Emily Rose on Instagram. WTFK Emily Rose on Twitter. 

Uh, my personal Instagram is at Emilyagogo. Uh, if you want to follow that, you can. And we've been releasing episodes every Saturday covering Vanderpump Rules, me and Lindsay of Vanderpod Recaps. It also, uh, I don't know why not, you can cut this out if you want, Rob. Uh, I started a subreddit on Reddit. If you're someone who kind of listened to our discussion and feels kind of the same way and you want a place to go that's kind of more nuanced, it's are all about the pasta.

Uh, no spaces or anything. So Subres called all about the pasta, and the idea is to have nuanced conversations about Vanderpump rules. And, uh, if there's no season 12, then I guess we can just carry on the nuance for the rest of our lives.  It's where we're going to post all of our Southern Charm and Southern Hospitality episodes.

Yes.  So come on over.  All right. Well, listeners, thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. If you're on the Pumptini tier of the Vanderpump Rob's Patreon, uh, where of course, if you I get the support from listeners like you to keep this show going when there isn't a current Vanderpump Rules season going on.

Guess what? Any sort of ads I get usually only want to buy ads when there's a new season of Vanderpump Rules. So Uh, I supplement that with the 5, the 1, 5, 8 tier at patreon. com slash Vanderpump Robs. You can go there to see everything you get, but really pay the money because you want to support the things you like.

And then if you get an ad free episodes or bonus or video episodes, that's just an added bonus to put in your feed. Also, unlike most podcast players, what I do like about Patreon is that Is that then you can have a discussion and comment section for each episode. So if you really want to talk about the episode itself,  you can do it to a restricted group of people who also feel like you, because they are pledging money to have the conversation. 

Anywho, that's it for now. Emily, thanks again. And we will see everyone next time on Vanderpump Rules. 

Wait, Rob, is that who we're talking about? Yeah.