Shandel Sutherland 00:05
Welcome to lead for clarity where we help you, your team and your organization. Get to your next level by focusing on what matters and getting clarity to get there. My name is Shandel Sutherland, and I am joined with my co host, Melanie Montgomery. And today we have a very, very special guest that I have a little bit of history with. But Melanie, why don't you go ahead and tell the listeners who we're going to have on today and how you met him?
Melanie Montgomery 00:34
Yeah, Shandel. I'm excited to have Rob Shipp here today. He is an officer in the Navy. And I met him earlier on this year as we did an engagement with his team of leaders.
Shandel Sutherland 00:47
And I met Rob at in a little town called Quincy, California, where I now am I grew up here, and Rob and I go way back, but I don't know all his fancy Navy titles. And Rob, you're just gonna have to tell us who you are. Because all I know is little Robby Shipp. Where do you land today as you into your Navy career.
Rob Shipp 01:10
So little Robby Ship growed up, I want the Navy and I'm getting ready to retire I got 27 years, I'm a nuclear submarine Chief one officer. And then my current title is that I am the officer in charge at a command called performance monitoring team. We basically help submarines do kind of high level maintenance to requires a very specific skill set. My command is phenomenal. My people are phenomenal. This has been just a an amazing, an amazing experience for me. Yeah.
Shandel Sutherland 01:39
And you're basically keeping us all safe. So I really appreciate that you have a lot of nuclear stuff in your background. So are you keeping us safe from really,
Rob Shipp 01:48
every day? Every day? There's no problems here. Don't worry about it.
Shandel Sutherland 01:54
I love it. I love it. So we're really excited, Melanie, because you have been working with Rob and his team of those naval guys who absolutely you said were phenomenal, which was fine. And I bet Rob will have a lot to say about that. What we're going to focus on is the pain stage as we've been going through our healthy sustainable growth model. And boy, if you don't address the pain, right, you're in the cycle of misery. And so Melanie, why don't you take it from here, and I can't wait to hear what rod has to share with us today.
Melanie Montgomery 02:27
Yeah, I'm excited to have Rob here and talk through what we learned together, but also your own growth, because I know that you were on a process of growth when you started bringing leadership development into the Navy. And so you're already on that path. I'm hoping to hear a little bit about how you got there. Because I know that there was quite a big change from early on in your career to where you are. Now,
Rob Shipp 02:51
when I first got to my command kind of reflect on my career, I'm looking around. And I'm just I'm noticing that we use a summary community and as Navy as a whole, we have spent a lot of time and a lot of money on making sure that people are technical experts that they understand how to operate the submarines that we're strategists and know how to operate in time of war. But what we don't do very well is really figuring out how to maximize the abilities of our people. And that's kind of left up to chance some people do it. Well, some people don't we as a community, I think are suffering because of that. So there's a lot of people out there talking about some really good things, how can we get some of that into the Navy, and get some kind of outside influences to come in and talk about leadership and what it is that really motivates people and give us a fresh perspective. That's how we got kind of hooked up. And that's where Melanie stepped in. And she came and gave us like a nine week program. It really from my side, just sitting around and watching the room. You know, there was about I think 12 of us, and just watching people light up watching people like that's it. That's That's why I do what I do. And not everybody was very excited to be there. On day one when Melanie went around the room, and he just asked him some questions, and hey, why are you here? I believe two of the people in the room are like, because Warren won't leave me alone. And he keeps bugging me. And so as we went through the process, both those individuals came up to me later and were like, Hey, thank you, thank you for, you know, not letting me blow it off. I really, really enjoyed what I got to experience here. And I really appreciate being able to go through and be a part of this program. So even the naysayers, they were turned around by the content and just like the quality of come what we got to go through.
Shandel Sutherland 04:36
That's awesome.
Melanie Montgomery 04:37
Yeah, Rob, I remember on day one, when we were introducing the topics and what we were doing, and I mentioned that I would be seeing them the next week. A bunch of them are like wait, this isn't just one day. I'm glad that they stuck around and made it through the whole program. That'd
Shandel Sutherland 04:54
be so fun. And I just love the way that you guys work together. with Melanie, what a joy it is. So one of the things that we've been talking about as we go through the healthy cycle of growth called the process is the pain is really a time that gets people's attention. CS Lewis said, pain is a megaphone, and we got to really assess the gap. Where are we in our values and living our best life? The C is that character, competency and capacity, where are our trust issues, where are things not going on all cylinders. And then that T is really about trailblazing, you got to be the one to lead through that pain point to the point that we're going to live by our values. And we are going to purposely connect with each other so that we can do great things. So what really resonated with you in that pain stage.
Rob Shipp 05:51
And I think for me, just being the military, I feel like I'm a professional, the pain stage. But as you go through the different aspects, there definitely the the trust side has been one, that's probably been the hardest for me, both being led and being a leader, to establish that trust and to keep it. And so for the first part of my career, I had absolutely zero trust for my leaders and kind of what was going on and what was, you know, the what the future held. And so as I advanced and ranking, got up and got to have my own divisions, one of the things I wanted to really work on was the trust, I wanted somebody to take me at my word, no matter what I said, I was gonna do everything within my power to try and make that work out that way. And it wouldn't necessarily work out I mean, is the military. And sometimes the mission does come first, and you got to kind of eat your words on some things. But for me, yeah, the trust was probably my biggest focus, when I got into the the leadership aspect, when I soon realized is in there, I would get overwhelmed with things. And then I would kind of lose my mind, in a situation or on a person, whatever it was. And if it happens once, people are usually pretty, pretty willing to forgive. But then after a few times, I realized that I was actually losing trust for my people, because I was actually becoming the person that I didn't want to be. Just because I just got so caught up in whatever the current situation was. For me, that's where I've worked really hard. And I continue to work hard on establishing the trust, maintaining the trust, and trying to make sure that people, no matter what they ask whether it's personal professional, or whether it's at home or at work, it doesn't matter. I want people to know that they can count on me, you know, my word is my bond. And it's been an uphill climb, though no out.
Melanie Montgomery 07:44
Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Rob, as we talked through in our sessions, trust is really the foundation of any healthy team. One thing that I really appreciated about working with your team was how open they were with sharing what they were thinking what they're feeling, their different insights, we actually had to change our sessions from being one hour to being closer to two hours, because there was so much talking and engagement, which was really amazing. As we know, leadership development is about really starting with us and really looking inward and saying how do I be a better leader, how to I be a better communicator. And I think during those sessions, we uncovered so many different pain points, but maybe you can speak a little bit to how that process went and what insights you had about it.
Rob Shipp 08:31
It was really interesting to me, when you're talking about the timeframe and what that look like. Because when I originally set this whole thing and went through, I thought it was going to be all about work, it was going to be about running divisions and, you know, doing maintenance on submarines, and whatever those aspects were. And we soon realized that we probably spent and this is a gasp, but say somewhere in the 70 to 75% of our conversation really revolved around their personal lives. And it was really about their marriages, their relationships, their relationships, their kids, on all these things that I did not expect that and then also blew me away was that now Melanie's in here and showing that she's genuinely interested, she genuinely cares. She's truly listening to what they're saying, asking just thought provoking questions. And everybody wanted to tell their story. Right? So here it is these people that I work with all the time, that you know, we have conversations, but not necessarily at that level. And then we bring somebody in, and here it is somebody that shows that they care show that they're invested and that they genuinely want to help. And everybody want like yes, I want to help. Yes, I want to be engaged. Yes, I want to make this better. I don't want to live with you know, a mediocre relationship or whatever it was. And as I just sat and watched I was like, oh my goodness, like, I thought that we needed this, but now I know that we need this. I know Oh, that these people, right, we are all looking for that connection, we're looking to have that person that just genuinely cares, they see us and we belong to that organization. So that was a huge kind of aha moment for me.
Shandel Sutherland 10:14
Yeah, that's so beautifully said, Rob, you know, so much of our time is spent at work. How many hours do you spend with your wife and kids versus these guys, right. And it's such an opportunity. And this is why I think Melanie, and I get so passionate about what we're doing. Because when we bring these skills, we can do anything from a nutrition center, to the to the Navy, and everything in between. And people need to be healed at work, there is this opportunity for us to know each other stories like you were saying, Rob, and be able to feel known and seen and heard and valued. And I want to be a part of an organization that does that for other people. How do we do more of that, where we can have conversations at work, that not only help us be better employees, but better parents, spouses, leaders, all through our whole life. And that is a big win, Rob, that you offer to those men?
Rob Shipp 11:19
It was huge. And that was just it just solidified kind of all the thoughts that I have.
Shandel Sutherland 11:23
How do you feel like pain in your life has helped you connect back and live your values, like how has pain gotten your attention, so that you can really do that purposely connection first with yourself, then with your team and, and then with everyone under your command?
Rob Shipp 11:43
I think for me, my natural tendency is to want to jump ship and go over to the misery goal. So I have to be very purposeful, when that pain hits, not to get like self absorbed be like Oh, for me, and get my little pity party going. It takes me a bit to realize that I'm there. That's my natural default, and then I have to be aware of it. And the no, like, this is not where I want to be right? I don't want to I want to go in that little misery circle. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And then we can kind of go through and actually start the process. I think I'm one of your podcasts you're talking about like the pain is it's good. We got to embrace the pain. And I know Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about, we have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. And it is absolutely true, right. And so that's one of the things like working at being comfortable with being uncomfortable. I'm in a pain point right now, like I'm trying to transition from being institutionalized for last 27 years to I literally, like almost well up when I have to think about trying to pick out what clothes I'm going to wear every day. Like I've literally already talked to Heather, and I've told her like, literally, I just I need you to lay out whatever I'm going to wear for the day, because I hate choosing clothes, right. So like if she can just just lay out a nice little outfit for me to wear, like, I'm good. And like those are the things that are stressing me out. Like it shouldn't be, but it's this is all part of that growth and what I what I have to do right to get to this next phase in my in my life, and work through those things. As silly as that may seem. I think for me, it's I have to recognize that I'm there. Because sometimes I feel like it sneaks up on me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just in a bad situation, or just bad luck, or just, you know, whatever. And then also I realized, no, no, this is my teachable moment. This is my learning opportunity. And I need to deny myself right and deny and stop thinking about myself or really think about how, how can I better impact those around me, then it allows me to make that next step of like, how do I maintain my trust? How do I continue that path?
Shandel Sutherland 13:37
That was so well said I love what you said I want to highlight this. Like it's so excited that you've got this, that cycle of misery is a real thing. And what you have just said so beautifully, is I think my heart and the passion of it is that when pain comes if we have this model with no oh, wait a minute, hey, this is the beginning of my next growth cycle that is so exciting. Instead of exactly separate, which I do, too, is Oh boy, I need to go into myself, protect myself and have my own little self pity party. Because I have this other pain point. What a beautiful way to say that Melanie you have anything to add to that.
Melanie Montgomery 14:21
I love that. And Rob one thing I really enjoyed, I always enjoyed was listening to all of your little stories about how these different things showed up. I know at the very beginning of the training, we talked about our communication stance, specifically story and understanding that people are going to perceive us differently and really digging in and you had so many good opportunities to learn, especially at home from your kids, when they would frustrate you. Maybe you can share a little bit how you saw that pain coming up. I know that there were times where you leaned into that frustration, but were able to get into like how do I really work through this in a more positive way using the tools that we have?
Rob Shipp 15:02
Yeah. My kids, God bless them. I love him to death. But wow, do they provide me ample opportunity to grow. My middle son, he is probably almost like a little mini me. And so he and I just have so many similarities. And he's probably the one that I struggle with the most, because the things that I really don't like about myself, he has decided those are going to be his greatest strengths. And it has caused a, an over whelming amount of struggle between he and I, and just in different aspects. Probably about two years ago, I just realized that I was I was on a path that I didn't want to be on. And I have more than enough time to work on it. And I've got to figure out some better way to go do this. And I really just realized, I need to figure out how to get past me and get into everybody else and still take care of me because I think in the past, I've always, I've always said, Well, I just need to focus on other people when I would neglect myself. And by doing that, I would kind of mask where I was really at. And then eventually I get to a breaking point. So I had to figure out how to take care of me, but also be able to love and pour into the people around me a random book called How to make stuff happen by Sean Whalen. And just talking about core four and getting in and like really pouring into certain things every day, it was really life changing for me, and gave me perspective on how to deal with my children and give me perspective, like where they were coming from, it gave me perspective to really go like, hey, if there's any tension in this relationship, it's, it's my deal. And I need to go figure out how to remove the tension. And if I just own that process, and I own whatever that may be, whether I think it's my fault or not, the tension gets removed, and the relationship gets restored. And when the relationship gets restored, all that stress just melts away. And so then I started to have very honest and open conversation with my children. And then after a few months, my kids, you know, like, Dad's just different. Two months ago, he would lost his mind on me about whatever. And now we're actually having like a real honest conversation, I'm actually coming out in a better place than when I went in, in which I really expected just to get kind of trampled. And then after you hear those, right, you're like, Oh, my allergies are kicking. priors totally just hit you in the heart. Right. And so, for me, that was kind of my big, my big transformation.
Shandel Sutherland 17:24
Wow, that is so powerful, because that's exactly this cycle of growth. Getting back to your values. Rob, I know you, you don't have your values that as myself, my own happiness, my comfort, and then my family, right, your values. I know have your family above yourself coming and going. Am I correct on that? No, absolutely. And so that that value coming back to what you know, and this relationship first, that's what what we're saying here pulls you into that purposely connect phase. And that's where all these tools that you're learning and you just shared with and Melanie has taught and you we've learned throughout our experiences that that purposely connect, that then propels us to the next growth. Oh, we just love your wisdom. You totally get this. And it's really it's really fun. Melanie, do you have anything else that you wish Rob would have shared?
Melanie Montgomery 18:20
I love that Rob talks about really looking inward, because that's the key to this stage is really being able to sit ourselves down and say our behavior wasn't great. We need to make this change. And really figuring out how do we do that? That's the core of this pain that we have to get comfortable being uncomfortable and having those conversations. And I'm curious, because your team did a really great job of that really sitting down and saying, Okay, what do I need to work through? What are things that I struggle with? Do you have any thoughts on what really helps them get to that place of vulnerability to be able to say I could do this differently.
Rob Shipp 19:00
So on day one, you talked about the way that the brain processes, and you talked about a five step aspect of goes an event. And then there's a story, there's a feeling of behavior to a result, in that I think everybody realized that, for the most part, we all just focus on whatever that behavior is, and that result, and then we try to correct the result or correct the behavior. But we never take the time to go back and realize what event got them there, what story is it that they have and what feelings came out of that story to cause that behavior. And so we're constantly working on just the surface. And we've never gotten to the real root of the problem. And I think that really resonated with everybody because in the Navy, we talked about root cause analysis and really finding out what the root cause of whatever problem is, wherever mistake we make, but in reality, we really just get to the behavior. We're like, Oh, that's a bad behavior. You shouldn't do that again. I'm gonna take your money or I'm gonna take your rank or whatever it is, and that will fix it. Instead of diving into the person and really showing the Hey, I care about you like we're How did you get here? What what's your what's your story? What events did you have to come through? And I think that story in itself and kind of that thing was like, again, one of those aha moments where I was like, yes, like, that's, there's so much more depth than what we've been focusing on. And so I think that was like a big turning point and kind of really got people to open up about. It's not just my behavior, but what what got me there, and it got them to kind of look introspectively about what they their own stories of behaviors and feelings, which then translated to really some great discussions.
Melanie Montgomery 20:31
Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that Rob. I think we had some of the best discussions I've ever had as a trainer within that group really digging deep and talking through those stories. Rob was
Shandel Sutherland 20:41
so grateful when you come back, we got to have more of these conversations.
Rob Shipp 20:45
I love it. This is fantastic.
Shandel Sutherland 20:49
Great. Well, we so appreciate you sharing your wisdom and your experiences and your pain. That is beautiful. And so as we land this claim, we encourage everyone to reach out Shandel group.com. We're going to have some end of the year goal setting tips and all sorts of fun things for y'all to start your new year. And it's holiday season. So be sure and rest take care of yourself. All right, Melanie, anything left to say
Melanie Montgomery 21:15
I just encourage everyone to send us your questions. And if you want to be a guest on our podcast, reach out and let us know. We'd love to have you.
Shandel Sutherland 21:23
I love that. All right, y'all. Thank you so much. Be the best you can be today.
