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Positively Midlife Podcast
Ellen and Tish, college friends now in their 50s, take on midlife with a big dose of reality, humor, and fun. They cover diverse topics including friendships, books, experiences, adventures, stories, sex, relationships & dating, health, wellness, and BIG dreams. Each week features fabulous stories, interesting guests, and open and honest discussions about topics that are important to women in midlife. Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen!
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Positively Midlife Podcast
Galentine's Day: Celebrating Female Friendships and Joy in Midlife - Ep. 89
Every year, as February's chill begins to thaw for Ellen in California and Tish in South Carolina, we are reminded of the warmth found in the company of good friends—especially during Galentine's Day on February 13th which is a day to celebrate the remarkable women who make our midlife a little brighter.
This episode wraps you in the comfort, much like Tish's latest obsession, a snug white fleece blanket ideal for cool spring nights. And Ellen chats about her obsession - the laugh-out-loud moments provided by an adult coloring book that melts stress away, and give a shout-out to friends like Ellen, whose thoughtful acts are rays of sunshine on a cloudy day.
For Galentines Day, Ellen shares her top pick books on friendship which include the deep friendship narratives of "Firefly Lane" and "The Villa," a book set in the 70s in an European villa, two books that perfectly encapsulate the journey of female friendships across the tapestry of time.
Come along as we share on our own Galentine's traditions (or future plans), whether it's a simple text or a festive bash, and uncover the secrets behind Laura Pauli's legendary Phenomenal Woman parties. And for Tish, it's about celebrating the 'too much woman' in all of us, and cherishing our girl tribes in every creative way we can muster—so set your finest plates, choose a moving poem, and let's feast on the joys of camaraderie and support.
Obesessions:
Tish: Fleece blanket
Ellen: Coloring Book Live Laugh and Fuck off.
Great reads on friendship:
Firefly Lane
The Villa
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Welcome back to the Positively Midlife Podcast. Today's episode is all about celebrating those wonderful women in our lives and, yes, tish, we are talking about Gallentine's Day today.
Speaker 2:You know, it just seems like we had New Year's and I can't believe it's already Gallentine's Day. Ellen, how did that happen? It's like poof, it's here.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think we this time of year just I think, goes from New Year's until it's almost April. But for those of you that might not be familiar with Gallentine's Day, it's celebrated on February 13th, the day before Valentine's Day, and it is a day dedicated to showering all your friends with love and appreciation, and it's really, to me, about women, supporting women.
Speaker 2:You know, I thought we could take today Gallentine's Day and really dive into how to celebrate this fabulous day right, share some of our favorite Gallentine traditions or ideas, and we've even gotten some, you know, heartwarming stories from our listeners about their Gallentine's Day celebrations.
Speaker 1:Excellent. But before we jump into this week's episode and all the things fun and fabulous about Gallentine's Day, let's get to my favorite part of the show Tish our obsessions. What do you have for me this week?
Speaker 2:You know, every once in a while I just like freshening up my bedding, whether it's a new comforter or new blanket or whatever. And here's the thing, though, like I need one right now. So I have found the most amazing white fleece blanket right. It's going to be, you know, kind of bright in the room up because, you know heading into spring, but it's still cold out, so I wanted something that was still warm. So this fleece blanket is just fabulous for that bright, springy look, but still bring that warmth for those cool nights.
Speaker 1:Wow, that is a really great idea and I agree with you white things feel so fresh and so springy, and it's true, where you are in South Carolina it is starting to get a little warm right.
Speaker 2:A little springy. It is starting. It is starting not quite fast enough for my like, but it is starting, and I seem to have to do my bedding more often because my fur baby shares my bed. So I need new bedding probably more often, like a couple times a year, wow.
Speaker 1:Well, it sounds great. We'll definitely have a link to it in our show notes.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, what about you, Ellen? What is your obsession this week?
Speaker 1:Well, my obsession this week was sent to me by a friend and it wasn't a gallon kinds gift but it was a pick me up. You know, I had like four or five things happen in a row last week and my friend Ellen sent me a coloring book, an adult coloring book. I'm showing this because it's called Fuck Off, I'm Still Coloring. Every page has a swear word on it in this one and it is to de-stress. And she also sent with it because she knows I'm not super crafty this fabulous array of markers and I just thought this was the best pick me up ever. I have started coloring and you know you do de-stress right away and these are so fun and so silly. So my obsession this week is this Fuck Off coloring book from my good friend Ellen.
Speaker 2:You know anything, we can figure out how to de-stress. But I have to say Ellen is, she is just one of those friends that is always there with the card. I know when I was sick she had sent me flowers, she sent me bee earrings because she knows I love the bees. She's just one of those super thoughtful friends with the card, with the little gift, with the, you know, and it just makes you feel great. So big shout out to Ellen, who is just we're going to name her the number one Galentine of this year.
Speaker 1:I think we are. I think we are, so we'll have a link to both of those, and there are many other funny, funny adult coloring books that we can link to as well. All right, so let's jump in and start chit-chatting about Galentine's Day. Let's talk about how it started. It was actually popularized in a 2010 episode of the TV show Parks and Recreation, where the character Leslie, played by Amy Poehler, throws her annual Galentine's Day party for her female friends. Now, I didn't watch that show, tish, did you, did you?
Speaker 2:watch Parks and Rec. You know, I did not, and until we decided to do this episode I didn't even know where Galentine's Day came from. So it was really kind of cool to hear where it came from and it really just shows the power of like pop culture in creating new traditions like Galentine's Day. So now it's not only celebrated nationwide here in the US but it's even celebrated globally by women of all ages. But this really goes to show the power of friendship, you know, especially for us at Midlife, but that we just we just latched onto this holiday because it resonated with that. We need to appreciate our gal pals.
Speaker 1:You are so right, tish, and that is something I know we talk about so much on the podcast. You can have one great friend, or you could have 50, but at Midlife, friends or friends are important. So I want to be clear, though the type of Galentine's we're talking about here on our podcast today isn't to play Kate, single women who are bummed about Valentine's Day. We're here to talk about taking that day to celebrate all of your friends married friends, single friends, divorce friends, friends in relationships, friends in situationships right, and appreciate all of them.
Speaker 2:You know, when we even like on our podcast. You know our theme is about empowering women and supporting women and stuff like that. And even our like recent guests, holly, when she did the hope with Holly episode, we talked about that great golden girls life. You know, if we can't find our romantic relationship that we're gonna have later in life. You know we can always depend on our gale friends to maybe have one of those golden girls when we all live together kind of situation and as a college friends we've talked about this too who's gonna end up living together at midlife?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's right or beyond, and you know exactly tish, I think really being empowered to say a golden girls lifestyle here Is a good thing. But you know I want to share that I read an article in psychology today because you and I love Doing our research about the power of midlife friendships and they can be male or female and the article states that midlife friendships are not a luxury, they are a necessity, and I know you and I both believe this to be true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, when you think about it, you know, the happiest people have that good core group of people and, yes, we love researching our topics today, don't we? But I came across this really great article it was back from 2019, but it was in psychology and aging, right, and it shared that the current generation of older adults are less likely than previous generations before them Um to rely on romantic partners for social support, right, and they're more likely to be relying on friends and and I know I'm living proof of that, you know, I don't know what I would do without my girl pals.
Speaker 1:You know, tish, I agree with that, and I think you know why this has happened. Happening is really interesting to me. Why are we different? And the first thing I thought is that it seems like there's so many more of us are are divorced, right, and so we are not with lifelong partners, and maybe that's why it's happening. But you know, I feel like we're a generation that's just empowered and we spend more time developing these friendships. But according to research by the lingerie brand Bo Avenue I hope I'm pronouncing that right searches for gallentines day have increased 400% since 2015, and Valentine's Day has decreased by 55%. So, wow, I think that goes to the power of you know how much a day Dedicated to your friends resonates with people, and especially with people in our age group.
Speaker 2:You know, we did that recent episode about gray divorce and it talked about how more and more women At midlife are opting for divorce. So, again, you know the psychology and aging talks about not relying on romantic partners. Later in life, and With the increase in gray divorce, who do you have? Who is your support group? And that's your friends. And so I think investing into these female friendships becomes more and more important as we get older.
Speaker 1:I so true, tish, I think you hit the nail on the head there, and I just want to bring up one more article, since you and I did this research.
Speaker 2:I know we were deep into this Galen Tynes research.
Speaker 1:Deep into it. But the Mayo Clinic, which is so renowned and well-known, says friendships increase your sense of belonging and purpose, and they boost happiness and reduce stress. They improve your self-confidence and your self-worth. I think every single thing there is true, and so why not celebrate that?
Speaker 2:You know, and I think the importance of all this type of research is like why do we bring this up? Why do we bring this research up all the time? Because it's not just this. Oh, I think it's better for me. I mean, there's real science behind the importance of these and that's why we stress it so many times on this podcast to make that type of effort and I can't agree more with you, alan. You know, these types of friendships, especially as we get older, can help us cope with traumas, can help us cope through divorce, through serious illness, through job loss or death of a loved one. I mean, these are the core of what's going to keep us stable and that's why it's important to know this. Invest your time with this and celebrate your Gale Tribe.
Speaker 1:Yep, it's always been my girlfriends that have helped me through the toughest times in my life, like my cancer diagnosis, my divorce or things that happen with my three boys. But you know, they've always been the ones to be there when something good happens too, to celebrate my joys and successes, and those are just as important to me. These are women and a few men that feel just so happy when things go right for me as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, you need that too, because you don't want to surround yourself with women in competition with you. You know, and I think that's what I love about you know, our group of friends and stuff like that, it's no matter where they are, they're supporting you, you know, encouraging you, pushing you forward, just inspiring you. Yeah, it's absolutely important.
Speaker 1:So important. So, tish, you know how much I love to read, and I haven't talked about books on our show in quite a while. So, in honor of Gallantines Day, I'd like to recommend a few great books about friendship here for February. So are you ready?
Speaker 2:I'm ready. I always love your book selections because there's things I wouldn't necessarily read. You know there's so much out there. You know I'm more of an audible girl because I'm always in the car. But what have you got for me in terms of what should I be reading?
Speaker 1:All right. Well, these are two books and they're not new. But the first one is by Kristin Hannah and it is called Firefly Lane, and this book has been out for at least 10 years. But there was an amazing mini series with Catherine Heigl and Sarah Chalk, who was on Scrubs, and these women take us on a friendship journey from the time they were like 12, right up through their upper 50s, from the 70s through today, and do they go through it? The book is amazing and I have to say, most of the time I don't like when there was a TV show or a mini series or a movie, but this one hits the nail on the head Firefly Lane. Have you read it, tiff?
Speaker 2:I have not read it, but I'm gonna put it on my list because I've got three credits with audible, so this might be my next one, okay, but we can do that. It is so good, so good. You know, what I love, though, about books that take you through different decades, right, is you tend to see how friendships morph and change. What we share, how we bond, how we communicate, that unspoken connection that we have with people that have been in our life a long time. There's just nothing like it. So, to me, I'm drawn to a book that's gonna talk about friendship for over the decades, because I do have a handful of friends that I have literally had for decades.
Speaker 1:I love that too. It's something that really speaks to me, and this book seriously will just take you right back there, because a lot of us experience the 70s and the 80s and the 90s, and it's an escape.
Speaker 1:So I'll be curious to see what you think about it. Tish, and for those of you who are not big readers, tune in to the mini series. It is so well done and these two characters are just so relatable. I could see myself in both of them All right.
Speaker 1:A second girlfriend book that I loved from a few years ago is called the Villa, and it's that in the 1970s, in a villa over in Europe that these folks go to and think about maybe Fleetwood Mac or some of those kinds of. It has rock stars, it has love, it has Europe. But underlying all of this is the most powerful story of female friendship, and one of the reasons I really like this book is because it takes you again back through time and back to a time where there was a lot of sex and drugs and rock and roll. So this one really, I think, is kind of, you know, makes you want to go to Europe, makes you want to be in a villa and make makes you want to have your female friends with you. So neither book is new, but I just had to throw out a couple of great reads and in our show notes I'll put three or four other books about female friendship that touched my heart.
Speaker 2:You know. I do think, though, friendships have definitely changed in this more modern age of texting and social media and stuff like that, so to kind of kind of preset it deck to deck to the 70s. I love that idea, because I think there was just so much more face to face interaction, so much more face time with your friends than there tends to be now. You know, it's just changed a little. I think you can always use social media and these types of ways to keep in contact with people that you might not have been able to use before. So I think it could be good, but there's nothing like that face to face friendship.
Speaker 1:I agree, well put.
Speaker 2:So, alan, I want to know I love these book selections and I can't wait to see the other ones that you list as well. But I want to ask you so do you have any special Gallantine State traditions that you have participated in?
Speaker 1:Well, I personally don't yet, but after doing this show I definitely will. In a way, I feel like every day is Gallantine's day for me, right, because I just love my tribe so much. But one of my good friends, chef Laura Pauley, who's been on our show before, she did a party years ago, so she was very ahead of her time. She hosted an annual phenomenal woman party. So she invited a group of women. She put out full China, she printed menus at each place setting. She had books of poetry for every guest One year it was Maya Angelou and we were, you know, reading poems about women. It was such a treat to get invited to one of her parties. Now, of course, she started it out with Gougers, which are like French cheese pops and champagne. So that's the stage for this phenomenal women event, and I've always wanted to do one of these, host a party like that or make it an annual event, and now that I'm an empty nester, I think this is something I could do.
Speaker 2:You know, here's the thing about what you were saying about her party. She made it special the China, the menus, the taking the time to pick out poetry that she wanted to share, the incredible food or whatever. I mean, I'm dying to go to one of these parties. I want her to throw another one so I can come too, but it's taking the time and effort to make your friends feel so special and that's what's amazing about what she had done. So I love that. I just love that idea. I'm thinking next year I really need to put a little more effort into this whole gallon times thing.
Speaker 1:I agree. I'm just going to share with you too. I saw my best friend from high school this past weekend and somehow we started talking about China. She has fine China. You know, back when we got married we all wanted to get a China. I had China from my grandmother's and I told her I've never used it and she was like just your girlfriend's over or your book club and serve some cake on that pretty China. You know, china can just something like that, can just elevate an event. But let's ask, let me ask you, what are you doing this year? Tish?
Speaker 2:You know I want to celebrate embracing that too much, woman. You know that was inspired by a recent gasgina. I love her energy about embracing, being exactly who you are, not toning it down or watering it down for anyone. And so now what I'm doing for this Gallantines it's just small right. I'm still coming out of this time of not feeling well, but I still wanted to celebrate the day. So I'm going out with just a couple friends to our favorite wine bar and just having a glass of wine, and even though it's a busy week, I wanted to take that time out just to remind them that they are special to me.
Speaker 1:I love that and it sounds like a perfect day, actually Tish, a perfect Gallantines day. And, like you said before earlier in the show, it's not about what you do but who you spend it with, and celebrating those friendships and people who've supported and enriched our lives in the last year. You know, today Gallantines day because we're actually taping this show on Gallantines day is my middle son's birthday. He's turning 20. So I might need to make this party on a different day, but I don't think that matters because no, I don't think it does either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we got to cherish our adult kids when they want to be with us and then make time for our girlfriends or girl tribe.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, you know, and just for the same thing, you know, the reason that we celebrate Valentine's Day right is when we have somebody in our lives who is significant to us and we want to show them they're important to us, right? So so should we make that effort to show our girl tribe that they are also important to us and just to say a thank you to them for enriching our lives and being there when we've needed that shoulder to cry on or to cheer us on, be our cheerleaders during our biggest accomplishments or, you know, mend our wounds when we're feeling defeated in life.
Speaker 1:Yep, all of the above and you know what, tish, I know you've been trying to get a Zoom call together for our college friends for Valentine's Day too.
Speaker 2:You know I was trying to get a Zoom call together. I don't think it's actually going to happen because it doesn't seem to be a good night for everybody. But, like you were saying, it's not about the 13th of February, it's about getting together. So I'm going to try to reschedule our little Zoom call because I miss everybody. I know we just saw them in October and I know we're planning another big get together next October. But I just think it's important to keep that face to face connection when it all possible. And hey, zoom's the way to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we have been doing them back a few years ago during the pandemic regularly, so I think it's good to get it going now. You know I read that over 100 prominent women in Massachusetts got together last year to celebrate Valentine's, and these were women from the public sector, from philanthropy, education and other industries. So I love that this is kind of branching out not just to your personal friends but to other people in your orbit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. You know, some women do do Valentine's Day in a big way, right? You know, even the magazine Cosmopolitan featured the ultimate gift-giving guide for Valentine's Day in their January 2024 issue and it has all these great gifts. So you can go there and get some ideas. I mean, you can do it big. You can plan a short trip together for Gallantines or, you know, even just doing like a video call, just connecting with friends in one way or another.
Speaker 1:You know, all of those are great ideas and I decided to just text some of my girlfriends today too because just a simple text. I'm thinking about you at Gallantines Day. Miss you, let's catch up soon. I think it is an easy, cost-free way also of celebrating and just letting that person know, giving them that reminder that they're your friend and you love them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know some women get together and do book groups on Gallantines Day. You know, whatever, however, you can do this, but Gallantines Day is becoming a real thing for even young people. So one of my colleagues, minerva, she was telling me how she hosted this big sleepover for her daughter and her daughter's young. You know, she's not, I don't think she's even a teenager yet and she did this huge, very elaborate, big decorated for her daughter and all their friends to celebrate Gallantines Day and I thought, bravo, she's teaching her daughter at a very young age to value these friendships.
Speaker 1:I love that stardom, young value, the girl tribe. That's a really great thing and maybe some of our listeners have younger daughters or granddaughters and I think a good thing to put out there for that.
Speaker 2:And the other thing Minerva was doing is she is very involved in Hispanic women's groups, right, you know she is Latin and she does these get-togethers very frequently that promote each other, promote each other's business, support each other. It's just a really good network that she has put together in her community and it's just about building those strong female friendships. And she's done this around her Spanish community and I can't applaud her enough for that because you know, there I think there's challenges for a lot of, you know, hispanic women and to bring them together, to promote them, to lift them up, to celebrate their culture and embrace everything. I just love that.
Speaker 1:I love that too and, you know, I think if you look, you can find communities to join and to emulate as well, because it seems like your friend. Really, it has put together a great structure around it, and I think that I am really looking forward to hearing from our listeners and from other folks what they're doing. Tish right, this is kind of new territory for a lot of us.
Speaker 2:I think it is, and I almost wish we had done this episode a couple of weeks ago to give people, you know, a chance to kind of plan this. But, you know, maybe plan it for next year or plan it for a little later in the month. Again, it's not about a specific day. I mean, that was out of a pop culture you know thing. It's about taking that time. I know I recently joined a group of ladies and we are planning to do like a high team once a month and it's, you know, it's a Christian based and it's about supporting each other and our community and it's mostly midlife women that are doing this. But again, find those different groups out there If you're not already plugged in, I know I'm involved in that one as well as a Facebook group that regularly meets in the community and we do different stuff.
Speaker 2:One of the ladies was talking about getting together once a month that one of the local wine shops does a puzzle night, oh and yeah, and they have a contest to see who can finish their puzzle first and they just had the first one. I thought I want to go do a puzzle. I want to go do a puzzle, but again, it's about getting out there, connecting with women, finding that tribe, finding that base of support. It is more important now than in any other time in our lives that we have a broad, diverse group of women who support us, who we support, who are there for us, who make us laugh, where we can build memories to go from.
Speaker 1:You know, Tish, I really like that. You said a broad and diverse set of women, because I know we've talked about this before too Our friends don't have to be our age. They can be older 10 years older, 20 years older, 20 years younger, right, and I think we're really learned from friends that are in different age groups as well. So I love the idea of really having and creating that broad and diverse set of friends and celebrating them during gallon times. But I know we'd love to hear from you right, Tish, about what our listeners are doing.
Speaker 2:I would love to hear what people have done for gallon times day, or maybe what they'd like to do in the future, even. But how do you celebrate your girl tribe? How do you show them in a way that they are important to you or they are special to you? It doesn't have to be about big gifts, it's usually more about time, intention, maybe making them a meal when they're not feeling well. It's connecting and again, I can't tell you that that type of investment of your time is going to be well spent.
Speaker 1:Really and pay bountifully in your life. Now, before we get going, because I know we're close to the end of our podcast, I did want to give a shout out to our newest patron from Patreon, and that is Martha McSorley-Suthi, my freshman year roommate from Trinity College. So thank you, martha, for supporting us, and happy gallon times to you.
Speaker 2:Oh, happy gallon times, martha. You know it was so great when we first started the podcast. Martha had reached out and it was so amazing to know that she had been tapping in and listening and you just never know where you're gonna get that support from. But her support in just being a consistent listener and now as a patron as well, I just love that. Women supporting women is where that's the core of everything right it is.
Speaker 1:So until next time, keep embracing midlife, be positive, laugh and have a little bit of that gallon time spirit, right Tish.
Speaker 2:You said it, Alan. I love that. Happy gallon times day to everyone.
Speaker 1:That's right. Until next week, midlifers.
