Ep 149 - How A Tragic Loss Due to Substance Use Disorder Led This Sister to Be a Fierce Advocate.

Today, I am honored to introduce you to Jaclyn Brown. She lost her younger brother, Marc, to a heroin overdose on November 16, 2018. Since then, she has become very passionate about advocacy and education around the topics of substance use, mental health, and harm reduction. Jaclyn works with family members in advocacy to provide education and resources and empower other family members to use their voices and stories to effect change in their communities.
She left corporate America to pursue her passion. Jaclyn works as the Family Advisory Committee Liaison for Mobilize Recovery. She owns Stay Golden Coaching & Consulting and Jaclyn Kane Creations Recovery. 

Today, Jaclyn opens up about losing her younger brother to the disease of addiction, finding grief counseling, and the impact Marc's death has had on her life. She also discusses being the eldest sibling and how that role played out in her family.

#embracefamilyrecovery #recovery #addiction #advocate #sister #grief #mobilizerecovery #staygoldencoaching #addictionrecovery #addictionawareness #addictiontreatment #addictions #familyrecovery #familyrecoverycoach #familyrecoverycoaching #familyaddiction #familyaddictionrecovery #recoverysupport #recoverysupportgroup #recoverysupportservices #womenpodcaster #podcast #addictionpodcast #recoverypodcast #recoverystories #recoverycommunity #YouTubechannel

Transcript

00:01

You’re listening to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast, a place for real conversations with people who love someone with the disease of addiction. Now here is your host, Margaret Swift Thompson.

Intro:  Welcome back to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast. Today, I am honored to introduce you to Jaclyn Brown. Jaclyn is a sister who left corporate America to pursue her passion of reducing the stigma surrounding substance use disorder and drug use empowering others to tell their stories and changing the conversation around addiction, mental health, and harm reduction. 

Today, Jaclyn opens up about losing her younger brother to the disease of addiction, finding grief counseling, and the impact on Marc’s death on her life. She also discusses being the eldest sibling and the way that role played out in her family. 

It’s my privilege to introduce you to Jaclyn Brown.

00:51

The Embrace Family Recovery Podcast

Margaret  01:07

First of all, welcome Jaclyn. So, so happy you’re here with me.

Jaclyn Brown  01:12

Thank you for having me.

Margaret  01:13

It’s kind of cool how the universe brings people together. You and I were on a summit together and I got your you there. And so, I feel like I know you a little bit. But I think it’s more fun to dive into this conversation together and see what we glean from it. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yeah. 

Margaret:  Whenever someone’s on my show, I asked them who their qualifier is, who is it in their life that introduced them to the world of recovery? And I was curious who you would say? 

Jaclyn Brown  01:42

That is a really good question. Let me fluff the time with Thank you for having me on. And I think the world of recovery, for me is a little bit different in the sense of losing my brother kind of like recovering from that loss. I’m not going to lie, what really helped me was my grief therapist. I started grief counseling, about a month after my brother passed, and consistently going to sessions, and talking through things, and trying to unravel like what my life is now. She’s the one who helped me honestly, start to recover, and understand that it’s not going to be like this forever. And, and I know that’s probably a really weird thing, because I’m sure other people say other types of relationships, but it’s the first time I’d ever gone to therapy. And so, it was a lot for me to unpack in general.

I like to think that I was very self-aware before therapy, by the therapy definitely made me examine a lot of things and why I was holding so much maybe like anger and hatred in me. And so, it really allowed me to start letting that go. And that has really been a huge piece and kind of like rebuilding my life back again.

Margaret  03:14

No weird answers. How it comes out, is how it comes out? I want to say though, before we go any further how sorry I am that you lost your brother.

Jaclyn Brown  03:21

Thank you.

Margaret  03:22

Incomprehensible, right? I don’t think unless someone’s walked through that, can they possibly understand what that feels like? 

Jaclyn Brown:  Agreed. 

Margaret:  And it’s interesting that your recovery journey. And again, that doesn’t have to look a certain way, because everyone recovers their own way. Started by allowing yourself to get help, when you were probably at one of your darkest places having lost your brother. 

Jaclyn Brown  03:47

Absolutely. And that’s absolutely what it was. Because I felt like my family as a whole all of us had been kind of just sounds terrible waiting for that phone call or waiting for that other shoe to drop. And a friend of mine had lost her sister a year prior to substance related issues as well. And she said, I would really encourage you to start grief counseling like as soon as possible. And coming from her knowing she had lost her sister and what she had gone through. I’m like, Okay, I’m gonna actually take you know, because people will give you advice when someone passes. Everyone loves to give you advice on how to handle it. And coming from a fellow sibling though I was like, okay, she knows what I will need. So that really did help me a lot.

Margaret  04:37

It’s also not horrible to say that you were waiting for another shoe to drop or something bad or that call to happen because I hear that from every family I work with. They are on pins and needles waiting for the worst-case scenario or the next trauma to happen.

Jaclyn Brown  04:54

Exactly. And it’s one of those things where even still my brother, November 16 will be five years since he’s been gone. And if I’m in a movie theater, I’ll still have that weird, almost like PTSD urge to check my phone every 15 minutes to see if I missed a call or, you know, all these like little things that you don’t necessarily think about. 

Like, I hate it when someone calls me unexpectedly. Like, someone may think like, oh, I’m just gonna pop in and say hi. It triggers that. oh, shit, what’s happening? And is this something bad? So, people who like really get me they’ll text me ahead of time ago, hey, I need to talk to you about something good, can I call you? And I’ll do that with my sister as well. And it’s funny how like those little behaviors still continue on even once that worst has happened.

Margaret  05:51

And you bring up a really good point, Jaclyn, I think that one of the things that many families don’t have words for until they’re taught is triggers. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes. 

Margaret:  Know what their loved one’s triggers are, or they assume they know what their loved ones triggers are that return them to use or have them use more. But when I talk to them about triggers, and we talk about sights, sounds, behaviors, and the smells, mannerisms that instinctively go to that my words haven’t got a clinical term for it. And then the hairs on your neck are up and your heart rate when and you’re in? 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes, 

Margaret:  those are true triggers as a result of substance use disorder, being part of the family, as a result of traumatic events happening in the family can be as a result of receiving, in my case, a letter through the mail that was anonymous that brought me very bad news to this day, a non-returned address letter. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Oh my gosh, 

Margaret:  decades later, I still get the slight ooh, but it is near what it was in the beginning.

Jaclyn Brown  06:52

I know this is supposed to be an interview with me. But what did that letter say?

Margaret  06:56

Yeah, it was a doozy. I was engaged to be married. And it informed me that my fiance was having anonymous sexual relations and was possibly HIV positive.  

Jaclyn Brown:  Wow.  

Margaret:  Yeah. And you know, it is definitely going to be about you. But I think the point that I want to say is I as a therapist, at that point, did not understand trauma and triggers, accept went to military. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yeah.  

Margaret:  And that does not take away from the levels of trauma they experience at war, and military. That’s a whole different level. But there is imprinted trauma, from smells, behaviors, letters. And I just think it’s so important for families to know that because they don’t know. And to your point, five years later, which is just, you know, it’s five years, and yet, it’s only five years. And those are very real imprinted traumas that still have some hold. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yeah, 

Margaret:  and get you agitated or activated emotionally when you have them.

Jaclyn Brown  08:08

Yeah. And I think one of the big things that I have realized is that sometimes a trigger is not anything like sometimes people think it’s very obvious, like maybe someone mentions your brother’s name, or maybe whatever. And I remember I was in a grocery store, and it was July, so it was definitely unexpected. And a Christmas song started to play on the radio, they started to do like Christmas in July or something. And that I was like, I need to get out of this store right now. I felt like that, rush of because that’s my brother’s favorite holiday. And so, every time I hear any sort of Christmas music, it said something certain songs really set me off. There was even a point where I think I was just going through to see like, this a weird experiment of like, what are my trigger songs and what are not. So then after that, I took a playlist from Spotify, like the best Christmas songs, and I was like, playing it and I’m like, Nope, can’t listen next. So, I would know, because I was in that mode of like, that hyper vigilance where I feel like I’ve been in a hyper vigilant state for a very long time. But anything that I can like lessen danger, anything I can do to like, prepare myself, like to the point where I’m just sitting and listening to Christmas songs in July, just in case. 

Margaret:  Yeah, 

Jaclyn Brown:  no getting myself ready for December.

Margaret  09:34

Jaclyn, I really admire and respect that quality and you because a lot of people don’t go after it like you chose to and that neither is right or wrong. Right, everybody does it their own way. But what I hear you saying is I needed to do some experimentation with my own triggers. Once I realized how much I was triggered and how much it affected me, and then set some boundaries around them through Spotify lists that were changed. But I also want to go back to what you just said, People who know me know not to call me unexpectedly. And who know me will text first. And I will do it with my sister. That is such a beautiful boundary to get your nervous system rest.

Jaclyn Brown  10:15

Yes. And what I had not realized is that, again, going through because grief counseling evolved into regular therapy, which, you know, it evolved into, we’ve been doing marriage counseling because the impact that grief had on our marriage, and then I’m in EMDR right now. 

And so, it’s something where I kind of attributed everything back to my brother’s substance use, and when he first got into his car accident, which he was hit by a drunk driver back in 2020, he was ejected from his vehicle. And he was in a wheelchair for about two months. And in that time, that’s when they gave him oxycodone. And up until that point, he had always experimented with drugs, like, you know, weed was a big thing for him, which I didn’t really care about. But what I did not realize is that he had been experimenting with opioids because someone had access to it. But the accident really pushed it over the edge. And so, I related all of my hypervigilance or trauma or whatever back to this. And about a year into grief counseling, I brought up. I said, yeah, well, you know, I feel like I’m still kind of mad at my brother for, you know, when my house got broken into. And she was like, how have you never brought this up? And I said, well, nothing happened to me. And she was like, but your house was broken into. And I was like, yeah, and I was at home when they broke in. And I said, but I wasn’t hurt. So, I was fine. And she’s like, were you fine. And it was the first time I had went, oh, maybe that was traumatic, because like you had mentioned, PTSD, CPTSD had been reserved for people in the military, and people who’ve gone through really, really horrific things. 

And in 2010, before my brother’s accident, I was home by myself, I lived with my brother, and I got a couple of his friends as roommates. And I heard this pounding sound, and my brother and his friends were out of town, they had gone back to our hometown, which about an hour away. So, it was like a Tuesday night, and all of a sudden, I hear this pounding sound. And I’m like, what is that and I’m kind of wake up from my sleep. And my bedroom door was kicked open by someone. As soon as I saw that, and mind you in my head, as a woman, I’ve always thought if someone tries to attack me, I’m gonna have scissors by my bed to stab, you know, I’m thinking of all these things. And I had all these things near my bed, you know, to hit someone or whatever. And I just froze. And I had zero idea what to do. I heard people running in the house. And so, the next thing I did was grabbed my cell phone. And my first thought was, should I really call 911? Like, is this an emergency? Because how much we doubt our own trauma or our own situations. When you become a very, like, I’m a very parentified oldest child, you know, and I don’t like to ask for help. I hate asking for help. So, I called 911, and I’m bracing myself against my bedroom door. And they’re like, okay, do you see the lights outside? The cops came very quickly. And they said, do you see lights outside your house? And I said, yeah, I do. And they’re like, I’m gonna need you to run to your front door. And I said, I can’t do that. Like, I don’t think I can. She’s like, if it’s a direct shot, I just need you to go so they can clear the house. So, I ran out my front door. The cops came cleared everything out. They had stolen so much from my brother’s room. And from what I could tell, this was someone who had clearly been to our house before, just because they went straight from my brother’s room and the logic of the way that they broke into the house my room should have been first. But when I got back in the house, like there was a knife outside the hallway of my room, and I remember not being able to truly process it because I was okay, I was not physically harmed. None of my stuff was stolen. And when you tell that to people or the cops there, and everyone’s reaction was so glad you’re okay. I’m like, yeah, I’m okay. But I then shove that away. 

I’m very good at dissociating and compartmentalizing things, and I shoved that away and I didn’t realize that that was the start of where a lot of my anxiety and hyper vigilance really came from, was that incident, but I just assumed, like, I just really like to be prepared. I just you know it because I didn’t think I was worthy of being traumatized, if that makes any sense, because nothing happened to me.

15:21

This podcast is made possible by listeners like you.

Bumper:  When I reflect on my decades of work with families of people with the disease of addiction, I have seen few siblings get the same resources provided to partners, parents or even children. Numerous siblings have told me they felt they couldn’t share in traditional Al-Anon or NarAnon meetings as the parents and partners pain seems so much more significant. 

The Embrace Family Recovery Coaching Group for Siblings will meet for six group sessions this summer, including education on the no fault disease, connecting with other siblings, so feeling less alone, strategizing together regarding communication, boundary setting and more. 

The summer course for siblings begins Tuesday, the 16th of July. The group is for people16 years and, and the total cost for the six sessions is $180. 

To find out more, head to my website, 

embracefamilyrecovery.com and click the Work with Margaret page. 

Go down to coaching groups, and you will find Sibling Groups, click on that to learn more about this group and how to register.

17:06

You’re listening to the Embrace Family Recovery Podcast. Can you relate to what you’re hearing? Never missed a show by hitting the subscribe button. Now back to the show.

Margaret  17:17

I also wonder and this could be a whole different discussion. Gender roles? 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes. 

Margaret:  You mentioned eldest. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes. You know, there’s a lot of factors in there. I also as a woman had an attempted burglary. And I was fine. They didn’t get in the house, I screamed and they jumped they caught them. They were a serial offender. And it was like okay, now I go to lunch.

Jaclyn Brown  17:43

Yeah. Right. You just move on?

Margaret  17:46

Yeah. And I think it goes to a lot of what you said not comfortable asking for help. For me, it wasn’t comfortable being vulnerable. It was got to pull it together. It’s my MO is to keep going and help everyone else, you know. So, it’s really interesting to have you bring that up and have that memory and realize, yeah, I didn’t even, didn’t even do anything about that one.

Jaclyn Brown  18:06

Right, exactly. And the ways that it would manifest, I didn’t even correlate them together. Because I just thought like, I’m just really prepared. Now I just really want to know all the details of every place that I’m going to. I want to know where the exits are, I want to know. And it wasn’t until a year a year into grief therapy where I started to unpack my own stuff, which I had, again, when you’re the eldest, you just need to get things going, or you need to just move forward, we’ll deal with it later. And then sometimes later is when you’re 39. And you’re sitting with your therapist,

Margaret  18:45

And you’d got there. And that’s what’s so important how you got there. When you got there. I think it’s so important to give ourselves grace, and everyone listening grace that it is going to take what it takes, you know, a lot less our survival skill serve us, really well, until they don’t.

Jaclyn Brown  18:58

Exactly that’s exactly. 

Margaret  19:01

So, you share that you’d never been to therapy before the grief counseling. And what gift that you found someone in your life or someone came into your life where you were willing to be vulnerable with someone who had been through what you were going through? Yeah, that you were able to listen to their suggestion. There had to have been experiences around his use that impacted you. Prior to the sadness of losing him the tragedy of it was your family a family that talked about it? Was your family one that denied it was your family, one that sought services for him? Not everybody else, you know, how did that go in your family? Because you’re the oldest so you have a different perspective than say the youngest one. 

Jaclyn Brown  19:48

Mm hmm that’s a great question, because I do think that my birth order does play a role in this and I actually found out about my brother substance use from a friend of his, a friend of his called me and said, hey, I really need to talk to you about Marc, like, you know, this is really escalated. And now it’s like, he was saying like, you know, we all used to do it to party and whatever he’s like, but now it’s on another level with him. And he was confiding in me because I was friends with him too. And it’s my brother’s friend. And it’s kind of a weird thing to go and tell someone’s parents. So, who’s the default the cooler, you know, older sister. And when I was told that information, I just froze. I just sat with it, because I didn’t know what to do. I called my brother and made it seem like; I was just checking in on him. And he was like, oh, I’m good. Like, what’s going on? And I’m like, okay, like, is it really that bad? So, then you get into that isn’t really that bad? Like, is it? Is it terrible. But then it got to a point where he ended up, his accident happened, he was a junior in college, and he tried to go back to school later on in the fall. And he pulled out because he wasn’t doing well. So, he moved back home with my parents. And, you know, I started asking them, like, do you notice anything different about him or anything like that all will, you know, he’s in his room, or he hangs out with his friends a lot, or he’s hanging out different people. I’m like, okay, so I’m kind of like keeping this mental tally of like, key things that are different. But then, eventually, another friend came to me and said, hey, like, this is a lot like, you need to talk to him. 

So, I remember I told my sister, and we went to him. And we were the first ones to approach the subject. And I remember going into his room, all the all the blinds were drawn, everything’s very dark, and its noon, you know. And I remember telling him, I said, look, I know that you’re using drugs, and like, I want you to know, like, I’m, I’m here for you. And if you want to talk about this, we can talk about it. And, you know, my sister’s, the youngest, and she kind of was like the observer, you know, just kind of see how it plays out. And, you know, he said, I’m really trying to stop, like, I don’t want to be like this, like, I have it under control. Like, you know, don’t worry about it, and having zero prior experience to any substance related anything. I’m like, okay, because my brother was intelligent, he was very smart, very charismatic, very self-aware, and probably more self-aware than I was at his age. And I was like, okay, he’s got it, like, I have no reason to not trust him otherwise. 

And then it just continued to spiral more. And it eventually got to the point where I had to tell my parents, and that’s a hard conversation, but also telling them from the point of view of don’t react, like, you know, like, I just startled you, like, we need to figure out how to do this. But probably the biggest thing that really impacted it was I decided it would be a great idea to do an intervention because I watched intervention, so, I thought, you know what, at this point, because I think, you know, my parents were starting to get really fed up with some of the behaviors. And I said, well, let’s just do an intervention, like I saw it, like, I know how it goes, here I am big sister, and my parents, were the ones coming to me, how should we handle this? And then you have his friends coming to me? What should we do? So, everything is on me to solve this situation or to fix this situation? And doing this intervention was the worst idea that I could have ever done? 

Margaret:  You run it like you did it? 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes. 

Margaret:  Wow. 

Jaclyn Brown:  And mind you, it was just more so in the sense of, you have to go to treatment, or you have to leave. And it got very ugly, very ugly. And my brother, you know, went into let’s attack everyone here. And I don’t think you’re allowed to tell me what to do. When you know, at the time I’d gotten a DUI a couple years ago, he’s like, I don’t think you’re allowed to tell me anything, considering and then I felt that is pretty fucking hypocritical of me to do that, you know, to say that and then I realize, but I’m the oldest and I learned from that. So, you know, I know better than you. 

Either way, what ended up happening is that a lot of the conversation stayed within our family. It’s not like any of us. I have a Pilipino Mom; I have an Irish dad. So, it’s like, in those cultures, you keep things close. You’re not sitting there and talking about it. And back in, you know, 2014, 15 around there. It still wasn’t something that I would go on Facebook and go, hey, anyone else’s brother dealing with heroin, you know, like, there wasn’t that outlet. And anytime I Googled heroin addiction, it was detox rehab, detox rehab. So, I assumed, well, this is the only way. So, we discussed it within the family. My parents really relied on me to figure out what’s the next step? What should we do, because I was so close with my brother. And then my brother was very anti, you know, anyone telling him what to do. So, it was a, it was a really hard balance within our family, because I always felt like the pressure, and it was never implied. But just, I internalized this pressure to save him, or get him better.

Margaret  25:49

Wasn’t implied. But there is obviously a role you hold in your family that even his friends knew. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yes, 

Margaret:  You know, you were the go-to person to get things done. And it’s a burden. It is, it’s a burden that many family members find themselves in and don’t even look twice at what that impacts been on them. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Yeah.

Margaret:  There’s no one person who can save another person can change their behavior. But in the dire moments, that feels like the only option, I’ve got to do something. And it is no surprise to me, you know, knowing a person with substance use disorder have treated many of them that your brother in the height of his disease had the most amazing a way to be manipulated by his disease, to turn it on everybody else, because that’s what addicts do when they’re active in their disease. The disease is in charge, it is telling them what to think, what to do, how to act, how to push away, how to keep everyone from getting in the way,

Jaclyn Brown:  Exactly

Margaret:  You guys were beat up by his disease, in that moment.

Jaclyn Brown  26:49

Exactly. And it was something where, you know, that ended with fine, screw you guys, I’m moving to Phoenix, and I lived in Phoenix at the time. I’m gonna go live with friends who actually get it. And I don’t need to be here. And I ended up calling out of work for a couple of days, because that whole interaction just destroyed me. Like, I thought like, this was my chance, and now things are gonna get worse. 

And he did end up moving to Phoenix. But after a couple of months, like he was sober. And there was a point where we finally met up and we went out to dinner. And me, my sister, my husband and him. It was like, we’re back together again. 

Margaret:  He was back, it wasn’t his disease. 

Jaclyn Brown:  Exactly. And it was just like, mind you, again, this is before I even knew harm reduction was a concept, right? He’s having a beer, you know, and I’m not thinking anything of it. Because in my head, the thing that makes everything chaotic and bad is the heroin. So, if he’s using cannabis, or he’s using alcohol, I know how he is with those, and he’s fine. So, I had zero like, are you really sober, I didn’t even question it. I was just like, I’m so glad you’re in a good spot. But I think as we all know that cycle eventually starts again. And yeah, he was in and out of sobriety, and went to treatment, attempted treatment a couple of times, the first time that he went was because we got into an argument at like, day before Thanksgiving, and I don’t know, if you, anytime I go back home, it’s a small town, everyone goes to the same bar the night before Thanksgiving, like, oh, it’s a big reunion.

And I hadn’t talked to my brother actually, in a couple months at that point. Because, you know, again, me not understanding that it’s the disease. I’m thinking he’s just being; he’s just being a jerk. And I’m like, I don’t want to talk to him. But then, you know, I come home, and things are like normal. It’s just kind of what it is. It’s like, I’m not going to willingly talk to you, if you reach out to me, I’ll talk to you, but I’m just not in the mood right now. And we went out to this bar. And I said, I’m not very good at like tactful times to bring up situations. So, we’re catching up. And I was like, I’d really love for you to go to treatment. He’s like, you can’t We can’t talk about this right now. And I’m like, no, but like, you don’t get it. Like I feel like I know you said that you have to want to go. But also, like pulling back from this. I did not understand how forcing someone or saying, giving them ultimatums was not helpful for him. I understand that now. But back then I was just like, why wouldn’t you take this opportunity? Why wouldn’t you want this? But eventually there was a lot of back and forth yelling and then I just finally yelled, I don’t want you to die. I cannot have you die. And I think when I said that he was like, okay, I’ll try it out.

And I’m thinking, here we are like, yay, this is this is gonna be so great. And like I was leaving the following week on my honeymoon. And so, I’m thinking, I’m going to come back from my honeymoon, he’ll be in treatment will be like the first day or two, I’ll come visit him because he was going to go to treatment in Phoenix. And since he was over the age of 26, he was no longer covered under my parent’s insurance, he was covered under state Medicaid. So, at day 13, they said, we’re not going to pay any more. You can stay, you can continue to stay and pay out of pocket. I think it was like $1500 a day, which, who has that? But I would visit him every night. You know, there would be like visitation hours when we talk through what he learned, you know, in the day and then he said, well, I can’t stay, I’m just gonna go back home. And I’m like, no, you cannot go back home. 

So, I went to my husband. And I was like, I know, this is a lot. I know, we just got married. Can he move in, and my husband loves my brother, my brother always wanted a brother. So like, he was like, absolutely. And for two months, my brother was in a great spot, lived with me. And again, I had my brother back, you know, he’s still drinking alcohol, smoking weed, but no opioids, nothing else. And it was amazing to have him back and to have him be so at this point, examining why he’s doing the things that he’s doing and becoming very self-aware. And we’re having these really deep discussions, and we got into an argument over something small, and he said, well, I’m just gonna, like, go home to like, Mom, dad’s this weekend, and I’ll be back and then never came back. 

And that was 2015. And he went, he did attempt rehab a couple more times. But of course, my dad said, hey, if you go all by you this, you know, as us and families do, we’ll do anything to get them. Like he was promising him concert tickets and promising him these things. But my dad is one of those people who I mean, that’s really where I learned unconditional love from is he’s like, I’m never going to let him out on the street. I’m never going to kick them out. He was very hesitant with my intervention idea to begin with. And he was probably the one person who was not on board with it.

Margaret  32:39

But to your point, he did his way you did your way all of you are just trying to save your brother. 

Jaclyn Brown  32:45

Exactly.  And there is no at the time, there’s no support that I was aware of, for family members, again, coming from a small town, a very small Republican town. So, it’s anybody who uses drugs is demonized, and they’re terrible. And they’re this and that. So, then I really don’t want to talk openly about it. 

But it wasn’t until he passed that I finally said, well, the worst has happened. So, I’m not going to stop talking about it. Because I felt it was the elephant that nobody could ignore anymore. And for me, what sparked me to speak out was seeing the reaction on social media, which I feel like a lot of people don’t think about, I got the call from my mom, on the 16th. And I think a lot of people know if they get that call, there’s a certain tone and pitch. And yeah, she had that. And she was just sobbing and crying. And I just, I just knew just by the tone of it. And by the time I had drove back home, so it’s a three-hour drive from Phoenix to my parents’ house. I was already getting messages on social media saying I’m so sorry about your brother. And I’m like, how the hell do these people know about this? 

Small town, everyone knows where my family lives where my brother lives. They see ambulances, there are people who were friends that work within the police department, the fire department, whatever it may be. So, imagine, like, I get the call in an hour later, I’m getting a text from someone. What if I had not spoke with my family? You know, like, all of these things that I’m now seeing on his Facebook like I can’t believe you’re gone. Other people being like, what happened? And I just see this unraveling happening of here’s this secret, that if you knew us, if you were close to you know us it’s not something we would deny. But here’s this thing that we’ve never openly talked about that everyone’s just blasting now. And not having control of that narrative was hard. Because there are a lot of people who he had used drugs with that he had helped, like, wanted to help them get to sobriety. And so, they were like, there were some people who are sharing their stories like, two weeks ago, he was saying, yeah, you can do it, you can, like, I’m proud of you for being two weeks, like, so. Here’s, like, showing this really great side of him, but also showing he was, you know, struggling with his own use. 

And it wasn’t until I saw, because a lot of people were like, oh, what happened? Was it an overdose was it this and just very, you know, and then someone shared a picture of him. And then the hashtag underneath it said, and another one bites the dust. 

Margaret:  Ah. 

Jaclyn Brown:  And I remember I was sitting in the parking lot of our, it was a Dillards parking lot, like sometimes you just remember when you read certain things. My husband was inside picking out his funeral outfit. I had just got done picking out my brother’s outfit that he would wear for his week. And I read this, and I was like, no, this is not how this goes down. And that is when, my eulogy was my first piece of advocacy. And it was the first time that I spoke openly about it. And there was some pushback from my parents. And I said, Marc would not want me to lie about who he was. And I get that you’re not comfortable with this, but I, I’m not gonna lie. I’m not going to pretend that this didn’t happen to us, or it didn’t happen to us in the way that it did. But I really more so highlighted his life, where he had gone through, what we had gone through as a family and telling people I don’t want you to remember him for the way that he died. Like that’s, that doesn’t define him. Like everything else that you knew about him like that was still there. We didn’t see it that much in the final years, but it was still there, and it was very freeing to talk about it openly.

Outro:  I’m always in awe of the courage of my guests, and Jaclyn is no exception. Listening to Jaclyn’s story, I was struck by the levels of trauma experienced with her brother’s substance use disorder and tragic death, including the added challenge of navigating social media. 

Come back next week, where Jaclyn continues to share her story and her passion for advocacy and education about harm reduction.

Margaret  37:16

I want to thank my guest for their courage and vulnerability and sharing parts of their story. Please find resources on my website, embracefamilyrecovery.com. 

This is Margaret Swift Thompson. Until next time, please take care of you!