Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage to Manifest Your Dreams

Have you ever felt like you're your own worst enemy when it comes to achieving your dreams? Our journey together on the Manifesting Latina podcast peels away at the layers of self-sabotage, perfectionism, and negative thought patterns that can block us from reaching our full potential. With wisdom from Mastin Kipp's "Claim Your Power" and Carolyn Elliott's "Existential Kink," we tackle the tough stuff—those shadowy parts of ourselves that we'd rather not face, but must if we're to move forward.

Putting ourselves last has become second nature for many of us, but this episode is a wake-up call to prioritize our needs. Through stories of my own struggles and triumphs, I reveal just how detrimental self-neglect can be, not just for our well-being, but for our ability to manifest the life we yearn for. Whether it's the procrastination tied to perfectionism or staying in toxic relationships, this conversation is about recognizing our defense mechanisms and transforming them into stepping stones towards a more authentic and fulfilling existence.

Tune in for an enlightening exploration and, in true Manifesting Latina style, let's shake off those chains together and step into the power that's been waiting for us all along.

Show Links

• Cognitive Distortions
• Feelingswheel.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Manifesting Latina podcast, where you'll learn to unlock your incredible power of manifestation and connect deeply with yourself.

Speaker 1: 0:13

I'm Dr Norma Reyes, your guide and host, helping you manifest a life filled with purpose, abundance and inner wisdom. Together, we'll dive into the art of manifestation, practical techniques, personal growth and the magic of aligning with your deepest desires. No more feeling stuck or disconnected. It's time to awaken your inner manifester, embrace your spirituality and create a life that truly resonates with your soul. Your spirituality, and create a life that truly resonates with your soul. Tune in each week to the Manifesting Latina podcast and begin to manifest your dream life. Hey, everyone, welcome back. Today, I will be talking to you all about what is blocking you from your manifestations. I'm sure that you are sick of your manifestations not coming through, or you might even kind of sort of have a realization that you're blocking them, but you don't know exactly what is going on and why. You can't stop yourself from doing it. I'll also be sharing two books that I'm currently reading that are touching on this, on what keeps you stuck, and so the two books are Claim your Power, by Mastin Kipp, and Existential Kink. Unmask your Shadow, by Carolyn Elliott. Elliot, carolyn Elliott tongue twisters for me, and so I will be linking them in the show notes. So, if you're interested in looking into those books, mostly be talking a little bit about the Claim your Power one, but those are two books that are both talking about the shadow and what that means. And working on your shadow can be working on things that are unconscious, working on things that are keeping you stuck and causing these patterns that you are doing, that are not working for you to manifest the life that you want. So I'll go into why we have these and then how you can start working on them. If you have gone to therapy, you might have touched on some of these.

Speaker 1: 2:18

Depending on how the therapist works and what exactly you are wanting from therapy, this works and what exactly you are wanting from therapy. And if you are in therapy, or even in coaching, and you're not getting what you're wanting from the person that is helping, you, tell them what you want. That is something that I do with both my coaching and my therapy clients, and as I ask them first, like, have you had coaching before, have you had counseling before, and what has worked for you, what has not worked for you and what are you wanting me to do differently so that I can help you get what you want. Right, you are paying to work with me and you're taking time and you want to get results. So, in order to get results, you need to know what works for you and what doesn't, and you need to share what hasn't worked in the past and what you believe might work for you. So I'm going to share the list of self-defense mechanisms listed in the Claim your Power book. I'm going to use that as the basis for this episode. It's not solely going to be that, but I'm going to be giving you guys, like my two cents of what that is. So Masson Kipp shares a list of these that he's found in coaching and I can see this, and then I'll also kind of talk about these in relation to myself, in relation to how I've seen them show up for people, and then, this way, you can kind of take note on like, oh yeah, this is something that I do and we do all of these. I will say, like, at some point you do these. Sometimes it works for you and sometimes it doesn't work for you in regards to, like, what you're trying to achieve. So know that these aren't necessarily bad because at some point they helped you in some ways. Right Like.

Speaker 1: 3:59

Number seven is addiction. Well, if you're a workaholic and it's helped you achieve success in the work, in your career, in making more money, you know it's going to be hard to take that away from yourself, especially if you have felt your value in being productive. So rest is going to be difficult for you. That's just an example, but I'll go over the list real quick and then we'll touch on each of these and then how you can learn to start to overcome these and notice your pattern. Notice your pattern and then also with the understanding that these are going to continue to come up for the rest of your life. But they'll be easier for you to spot the more that you gain awareness around them and they will challenge you less and not as long if you start to work on them proactively versus when they show up.

Speaker 1: 4:47

So the first one is putting yourself last. Number two is trying to control other people. Number three is perfectionism. Number four is playing small. Number five is always assuming the worst. Number six is doubting your higher wisdom.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Number seven is addiction. Number eight is procrastination. Number nine is staying in toxic relationships. Number 10 is needing the approval of others. And number 11 is confusion. Saying you don't know. All the time, right? Someone asks you what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know. What do you want to eat? I don't know. You may really not know, right, like you, but allowing yourself to stay in confusion is a way to protect yourself, right? If you don't have to make a choice, then you don't have to fail or succeed or whatever it is that you're keeping yourself from.

Speaker 1: 5:38

So here's the thing about blocks and patterns they're unconscious, right? They're in your unconsciousness and it can be hard for you to even notice them coming up until maybe they've really triggered some really strong emotional response, and so, because they're from your subconscious, they are not things that you are actually aware of. It's important to work with someone that can help you uncover some of these patterns, and it doesn't have to necessarily be a coach or a therapist. It can be a friend, a trusted friend that can be candid with you, because a lot of times, if you go to a friend, they may not give you what you are needing in regards to overcoming these blocks, or even noticing these blocks, because one it may trigger some of their own blocks too. They may not know that that's what you want from them.

Speaker 1: 6:28

And I recently had a friend slash coach that I know really kind of helped me through some of this when I was going to her about some issues I was having and she asked questions like a coach would versus a friend and she is a money coach and I was like, okay, like this is really actually helping me get to the bottom of some of my own subconscious beliefs and issues that I need to work through, and so that's why I wanted to come in here and talk to you guys about what is blocking your manifestations, and I've done episodes like this before, but this one's obviously going to be a little bit different. So, with that, be open, be open to the list, be open to how this is showing up in your life. And just because I worded it in one particular way doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you, because I am telling you that we have all done these. We've done all of these, so you have done these at some point in your life in different areas of your life. You may be really successful in one area of your life and not in another, and so these might show up more in one area of your life than another.

Speaker 1: 7:29

Another thing to know is that you developed your defense mechanisms when you were a child, primarily between the ages of zero to seven. So these are from a standpoint from a child. So they don't make sense. They're not logical, because one the logical brain doesn't develop until you are in your mid twenties, until you are in your mid twenties. So when you're a teenager, you're still very illogical, and if you haven't worked through some of these issues, these pains, these hurts, you're going to continue to revert to your illogical self, because that's where you were triggered, right. When we get triggered, we get emotionally charged. And our emotions? We have them from day one. Guys, babies, have emotions. They may not have words for them, they may not know what they're feeling has a name, but they are feeling. And so that's why, from zero, zero to seven, if you've dealt with trauma and everyone has it to some extent, no matter how perfect your life might have been and wait, let me rephrase that no matter how perfect it looked from the outside we've all dealt with some form of trauma, and no matter what you look like from the outside now you still have some trauma that you probably can work through, because we are human, we are looking, looking to grow and evolve.

Speaker 1: 8:48

You're listening to this podcast. I know that you're looking to grow and evolve, so this episode is going to be heavy on the growth to help you really begin to look at some of these things, these patterns that are going on for you. I'm also going to be layering some stuff that you might come across, maybe if you were a psych major or if you have gone to therapy. Maybe a therapist has talked to you about these. So as a therapist, I've had many years right. I might have my undergrad in psychology, my bachelor's is in psychology and my master's is in counseling and my PhD is in adult professional community education. I've done a lot of education and work in understanding the mind, and so for me some of this is like oh yeah, I already know this. But then I need to recognize that this is not stuff that people just know, and even if you took some courses doesn't mean that you apply it often. This is my profession, so I am constantly learning this. I am constantly having to do CEUs for my licensure, so I am constantly endowed with all of this information, constantly consuming it, and of course it seems natural to me to be like, yeah, that's this. But nothing is simple like that for everyone else.

Speaker 1: 10:07

So cognitive distortions Cognitive distortions are irrational thoughts that shape how you see the world, how you feel and how you act. It's normal to have these thoughts occasionally, but they can be harmful when frequent or extreme. So this that I'm about to read to you all is from thetherapistaidcom. I will link it in the show notes so you can look at the PDF that I am reading off of and I'm going to kind of be marrying the two the list of common defense mechanisms and the list of cognitive distortions if I feel like they go well together mechanisms and the list of cognitive distortions, if I feel like they they go well together. So there's I'm not even going to read all of these the list. The link will be there if you want to know, but I will be kind of jumping between the two so you can kind of see.

Speaker 1: 10:54

But let's talk about putting yourself last. So putting yourself last can be a defense mechanism, because maybe growing up you were told to watch others, maybe you were told to do these things, maybe you were told without any words. You don't have any actual memories of anyone telling you that you don't come first. Maybe someone in your life patterned this. For example, my mom definitely patterned this. It was all about make sure that everything was done and ready for my dad, make sure that the house was nice and clean for my dad, make sure that my brother was fed, and I wasn't necessarily told that I come last, but I did not necessarily come first either. And this is years and years and years of it. Right, this isn't like one day or one month, but when we are told subconsciously that we don't come first, we begin to learn and pattern that we come last. And so, while no one consciously told me like, hey, you don't come first, I noticed it.

Speaker 1: 12:03

And then the greater society that we live in here in the United States, and maybe in some other countries as well, women are not considered first, we're not considered priority in so many ways, like in the health care system. I can't tell you, guys, how much the health care system drives me nuts, because there's so many health conditions that plague women and because they plague women versus men. There's less actual treatments that work. There's less actual things that are. I don't even know what the word to explain them. But anyway, that's another tangent and I don't want to go into a tangent.

Speaker 1: 12:43

Back to what I was saying putting yourself last. So when you are trying to manifest and you rise up into a challenge, because you're going to rise into a challenge, because when you are wanting to manifest, it means that you are trying to grow in a different way. And when I say manifest, I mean intentionally manifest into a higher state of being, a higher level of income, maybe more growth and whatever it is right. Whatever it is, you are wanting change from where you are currently. But we are constantly manifesting all the time. So please know you are always manifesting. You may just be manifesting the same stuff over and over and obviously nobody wants that. Okay. So some cognitive distortions that you might use as extra right, because cognitive distortions kind of support your defense mechanisms. So, putting yourself last.

Speaker 1: 13:33

You might have some emotional reasoning there. Like I feel bad when I put myself before my family or my friends and so I don't want to be a bad friend, right? That's emotional reasoning that you could tell yourself like, oh well, you know, I put myself last because I can handle it better, I'm strong, so I can handle this, whatever excuse you're giving to yourself, right. So emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion that you might be using to rationalize that putting yourself last is okay when in reality it is not okay. It's not okay for you to be last. You should be first, always.

Speaker 1: 14:12

You know it can be very difficult at times to put yourself first if you have others you need to care for, but the more that you begin to put yourself first, not only are you then teaching your children or your family or whoever you care about around you that it's important to put yourself first. Not only are you then teaching your children or your family or whoever you care about around you that it's important to put yourself first. How many times have you seen someone or someone you care about that isn't putting themselves first, and then how that affects their health and all of these different things? Also, if you're not putting yourself first, you cannot manifest for yourself, because you're not putting your light, your energy, into yourself. You might be putting it into others, and I know I talk a lot about kids because I have kids, but I can see how I could easily put my focus and energy on one of my children and then it drained me and just wiped me out for the next day. Then it drained me and just wiped me out for the next day. When I do that, when I recognize that that I've done that, that I have put one of them on the front burner right, we always talk about putting things in the back burner. When I put one of them in the front burner versus myself, then I find that the next day I'm very, very depleted.

Speaker 1: 15:21

And that's how you could know that you're not putting yourself first, because you're very depleted, you're burnt out. Just everything sucks and no matter how much you try to do things better, it kind of reverts back to this, right, you tell yourself you're going to go to bed early and then, because you spend all day either at work and then you come home and you like rush and there's limited supports, the only time that you have for yourself is late at night. And instead of putting yourself first and saying, hey, I know that you want to be scrolling, I know you want to be on youtube and doing all of these things, and you keep yourself up because you want to decompress and however way feels the quick fix at that moment in time, but in reality, what you're doing is putting yourself last. Because if it was a child or a caregiver or someone else that you care about and they had a hard day, sleep is so important to recharge. So by not putting yourself to sleep, you are putting yourself last. So that is one example.

Speaker 1: 16:21

Look in your life. What ways are you putting yourself last, meaning you're putting everyone else's needs ahead of yours, which then, in turn, is keeping you from manifesting what you're desiring. It could be keeping you from manifesting, just in general, the life you desire. Maybe you, if you are putting yourself last and you're completely drained, you can't show up at work, so you can't get that promotion, you can't get that salary increase. Maybe, if you know you are wanting to lose weight and you're putting yourself last, then you're not cooking and then you're not making your meals, and then you are just ordering out, or you're trying to save money or build your wealth or pay off your debt. If you are fatigued, you're not going to make good decisions. If you are not putting time into yourself, you are not going to be feeling the best to be able to achieve some of these goals that you want. Instead, you're telling yourself that you want to continue to manifest. Putting yourself last right, like in this body that is tired, fatigued, sad, angry and manifesting from that energy.

Speaker 1: 17:25

So number two trying to control other people. When you're trying to control other people, it may be sneaky when we're trying to control others first and you're trying to manifest like not first, but when you're trying to control other people, know that it may not show up in the ways that you might think is controlling. Controlling other people can be like well, I expect my child to do these things, I want them to do X, y, z, and then when they don't do it, you get really upset because it's triggering something within you. Perhaps growing up you didn't have a lot of control or maybe you just saw that was what maybe your mom did, your dad did, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, whoever, friends who were controlling other people in different ways. And this can be by demanding things be done a certain way, and you may not actually even be telling that person that is bothering. You might be telling that to someone else, because it's safer to tell someone else that something is bothering you, that someone close to you is doing.

Speaker 1: 18:34

And the reason why it's easier is because it's scary to actually communicate our feelings. It's scary to communicate your feelings to your loved one because you care about them and you believe this is actually number five, assuming the worst. You believe you know how they're going to react to something, how they're going to react to something you say. And so for myself, actually very recently, I've had two situations, because I am also working on communicating more clearly and less from the assumption place, less from like, oh, I know better than they do, and I've communicated a lot more and I've had good results. Right, because when you communicate what you are feeling and if you guys remember from last episode, if you haven't listened to that, go listen to it on growing your capacity is like you need to also start saying like to communicating to your loved ones or whoever, friends, family, whoever you're interacting, your boss, when you do XYZ, then that makes me feel like XYZ. Or you could say or it makes me think XYZ if it's just a thought and not necessarily a feeling, y, z. Or you could say or it makes me think X, y, z if it's just a thought and not necessarily a feeling. But when something bothers, there's a feeling there and we may not actually recognize the feeling because we may have numbed our feelings. And if that's the case, then you need to kind of work on developing and reconnecting to your emotions. So trying to control others can also.

Speaker 1: 20:05

You can also use a kind of distortion called magnification and minimization. So this is exaggerating or minimizing the importance of events. You might believe your own achievements are unimportant or that mistakes are excessively important. So that is a kind of distortion that you can use when trying to control people. Right, like maybe you want help, hey puppy, but instead of asking for help, or not wanting to ask for help, because maybe family friends have done something in the past for you and they wasn't to what you wanted it to be, it wasn't to the standard you wanted to be, and so in that case you can't depend on anybody. And now you have to do everything yourself and everyone sucks.

Speaker 1: 20:49

And either you do everything yourself or you nag people to do it exactly the way you want, and either or is not really great because, guess what, you are wasting a lot of energy on wanting things exactly the way you want them. That is one way that you are blocking your manifestations, because, guess what? One, that's energy depleted, depending on what the situation is. Two, there may be somebody that can do what you want done better, but you're so busy and focused on how whoever's not doing it correctly, you're not allowing others to kind of have their own autonomy. So, as I mentioned, that is just one example of trying to control people in ways that you might not even know that you are trying to control people, and there is so many ways that we try to control others. And one of the ways to kind of realize that this pattern is coming out for you is if there's expectations that you've had and people don't meet them. And expectation is a way of controlling, because if you expect people to do things exactly the way you would like them, or the way you would like them, or you expect them to show up the way you think you might, and not necessarily in a positive way, then that is also another way that you're trying to control people might, and not necessarily in a positive way, then that is also another way that you're trying to control people right, keeping them in a certain box that keeps you from growing, that keeps you from accepting them as they are, that keeps you from actually communicating what you want from someone. It's like, oh, there's no reason in telling them that because if I do, this is going to happen. That is a backwards way of controlling people, because you are telling yourself there's no way they're going to change. So the truth is we can all change and others can change if we give them the opportunity to change. But if you're controlling people, then they don't have the room to change, they don't have the room to grow, they don't have the room to become someone more than what you were expecting them to be.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Next, perfectionism this one is my favorite because I like to say I'm not a perfectionist and in a lot of ways I'm not. I'm definitely not a perfectionist when it comes to things that don't matter, but in some ways I am a perfectionist. And it's taken me a really long time to really be okay with that, because in the past, if you asked me, I'd be like no, I'm not a perfectionist. The thing is, we can use perfectionism to procrastinate in ways that we're like oh, I'm just procrastinating, but kind of lying to ourselves that we're not perfectionists. So I'm gonna give you guys an example of how this can show up for you, how it's shown up for me, and then some cognitive distortments that help you get stuck in this without you knowing that you are stuck in this that basically hide that you're being a perfectionist. So should statements. So should statements are the belief that things should be a certain way, be a certain way. Should statements?

Speaker 1: 24:07

It's like a big identifier that you are maybe in some perfectionism energy that's keeping you from moving forward, from manifesting what you are wanting, maybe some all or nothing thinking. So thinking in absolute, such as using words or phrases such as always, never or every like I never do a good enough job, or every time I try to do something in regards to creating a manifesting routine, something messes it up, so perfectionism can show up in this way. I am working through this myself because I want to be perfect in my spiritual practices. I don't think I've ever said that out loud, and so what I noticed once I started to realize that I was trying to be perfect is that I was going about my spiritual practices and reading a whole bunch of different things, reading different books and helping me create spiritual practice that worked for me, and one of them that I kept getting stuck on was building an altar, and so that is one way, but there's been other ways that I've done it too, and so what was going on? After I've noticed it and taken the time to be like okay, what am I doing? Is I one?

Speaker 1: 25:20

I read a lot of books at one time, and I mean a lot of books, and what I found recently was like I will jump from one book to another book when I'm like I'm not ready to do that, and it's okay to not be ready to do something, but when it keeps you from moving forward which it did for me for a lot of different books and the reason was because either they came to a spiritual practice that I wanted to start but it wasn't the right time, or I didn't have enough time, or I didn't have the right things, meaning like I didn't have a white altar cloth, or I didn't have all the different elements that I needed for an altar, or it was just, like you know, not the right space, or whatever excuse I was trying to make why I couldn't do something at that moment in time, or why I couldn't journal at that certain time to reflect on certain things because of perfectionism. So when we are avoiding things that we want to do because I wanted to do those things but we weren't doing them, or I wasn't doing them, or when you're not doing them. It could be due to perfectionism Right, some procrastination there due to perfectionism. So you got to just ask yourself am I not doing this because I believe things should be a different way? Am I going into all or nothing thinking or maybe some overgeneralization? So, as I'm mentioning these, these are in the document, the PDF that I talked about. That will be linked in my show notes so you guys can understand them better. Because once you understand these patterns that you are having, this distorted thinking that you're having, then you can actually start working through them. So overgeneralization is making broad interpretations from a single or few events. An example is I felt awkward during my job interview. I am always so awkward. So an overgeneralization that can happen during perfectionism is that I never have any time to do any of these practices, so I just never get started on my spiritual practices or my manifesting journey or whatever it is that you are telling yourself.

Speaker 1: 27:44

Number four playing small. Now, when you are playing small, this can show up, and when I did my focus on career coaching, I could easily see it when someone was just applying to jobs either that had similar roles or similar pay, and when you're just focused on a small, particular area of something and it's not actually a stretch goal. When you start doing things because you're like, oh, I've done that before, I'm comfortable with that, that isn't a big deal, then you are playing small. And when you're playing small, you cannot manifest those great, grand things that you want to manifest into your life. So start noticing where you may want to do something big. Maybe you're wanting to take a giant trip somewhere and you're like, oh, I want to take this big trip.

Speaker 1: 28:36

But then you come up with a list of all the excuses as to why you and your family, or you and your partner, or you by yourself, cannot take a big trip, because it's going to require that you do X, y Z, x Y Z could be like, oh, I have to do a lot of coordinating, or I have no one that's going to help me take care of my pots, or I have no one that's going to help me take care of my pots, or I have no one that's going to water my plants, or I have no one that's going to watch my kids. And so, for example, my boys are currently eight and four, and last year me and my husband went on our first trip alone, without the kids, and they were seven and three and for the longest time I had told myself that we couldn't take a trip, because who's going to watch the kids? Who do I trust with the kids and who would actually do it for me? Well, my mom did it for me and I had never asked her before. So I had obviously created this blog from me and my husband being able to take trips together on our own. And so I mean, how many years have we not gone on a trip together, just me and him? Because in my mind, there was nobody to watch my kids. When in reality, there was people to watch my kids, it was just my own fears, right, my own issues inside that were telling me like I couldn't, I couldn't do that, right.

Speaker 1: 30:02

So again, playing small, that's one example, but there's so many ways that everyone does this that you may be doing in your life, so you have to ask yourself, and a lot of these might seem similar, they might bleed into each other, because we're not linear, we're not just one singular thing, we're everything, and so some of these might just, you know, you might be like dang, I do that and I do that and I do that and we, you do all of these, I do all of these, we all do all of these. It's just about noticing the pattern and then deciding like is this for my highest good? Is this helping me? Is this for my highest good? Is this helping me? Is this helping me manifest the things I want into my life? Of course, not going on solo trips with me and my husband or just, you know, without the kids. It's not serving me. I want to have a better relationship with my husband, but I'm not willing to allow others to watch our kids because of whatever internal reason that I'm afraid to leave them alone with anybody else because no one else can do it like me. Or well, I guess I just came out, no one else can do it like me. But is that even that? Either because I've gone on trips by myself, like without my husband, without my family, so it's like, do I not trust anyone else besides my husband to be with the kids? So that's a whole, you know. But obviously I was able to do it last year and now, with our third son here, I'm obviously becoming less rigid on who I believe can watch our child and not for us to have a night out Number five, always assuming the worst.

Speaker 1: 31:36

So this can be, for whatever reason, whatever's going on in your life. You're wanting to expand, you're trying to create more, but you keep falling into thinking that the worst is going to happen. I can take the example from going on the trip right, like me and my husband are going to go on a trip and then my kids are going to die. Honestly, like that's usually where things lead Like maybe for you you're like I'm going to do X, y, z and I'm going to die. Or, worse, right, like I'm going to go on this trip and then I'm going to die. My husband's going to be with me, so we're both going to die. You know, the thing is like, yes, we're all going to die, so that's a very, very real possibility. But if you keep telling yourself the worst is going to happen, which the worst that could happen is that we die. So when you are assuming the worst is going to happen, the worst could happen, right, and it probably will happen, because the more that we focus on the worst that could happen, it's going to happen.

Speaker 1: 32:33

So, like recording the podcast episodes, the worst that can happen is that my baby will start crying or my four-year-old will need me or somebody will start screaming and then I have to tend to them. It's going to cause an editing issue. You know all of these things, but I'm not perfect and currently I have a baby with me and if I want to record a podcast episode, I have to take the risk that baby might be a little unruly, but not allowing that to stop me from doing what I want to do is what's going to help me move forward, help me continue to serve, continue to do the things that I love doing, which is teaching about manifesting, about manifesting. Teaching about how to help you you listening get better at this so that you can manifest with more ease and flow. Is my life perfect? No, is it ever going to be perfect? No, are things always going to be perfect? No, because whenever they weren't home and I would try to record episodes, then I'd have jets flying by or the trash van going by. So you have to do things when you have the time and not assume that things are going to always be perfect or always going to go the wrong way. All right, all right. So this is take two to finish up this episode. So I had to take care of the kids. I started recording the episode and then I didn't get to come back to finish it up.

Speaker 1: 33:59

So when you are playing small, you're wishing for something little, and why this doesn't work for you when you're trying to manifest is that it's not going to spark the desire. If you go back and listen to a couple of my episodes, or even go to my Instagram, I will link the episode or the Instagram live on this show notes on the three key beliefs, or the three key things that you need to manifest, and one of them is belief. So it's belief, desire and vibration, and you need the first two, which is belief and desire. So when you're playing small, you are not actually going after your desires. So when you are finding that things are not actually manifesting for you and you're just like I keep doing all the things I need to do but nothing is manifesting, it could be because what you are wanting to manifest is a lot smaller than you actually truly want right in your heart's desire, which can be for so many different reasons. You have to do some self-reflection. That ig life that I'm going to be tagging in the show notes is going to help you with the questions that you need.

Speaker 1: 35:14

So not to take us off too much, number five is always assuming the worst. So defense mechanisms here, things that are keeping you from manifesting, that are keeping you from having everything that you desire. One of them is always assuming the worst right. Assuming that taking this leap of faith is going to end up with you like losing everything, or that it's going to turn out horribly and everyone's going to know that you're a failure. Everyone's going to know that you're an imposter, whatever limiting belief that is supporting that right.

Speaker 1: 35:48

The always assuming the worst, and for me, sometimes like it can just dwindle to like, oh, and then my kids are going to die, and that is just something that we are all defaulted because, if you think about it, our defense mechanisms are trying to keep us alive and as a mom, I can say, like my goal is to keep my children alive, so if I'm failing, I'm not keeping them alive, and so of course it's going to go to one of those, as I was talking about, like the cognitive distortions. It's going to lead to castrifying right, seeing the worst possible outcome versus the best possible outcome. So if you are always assuming the worst, you might be just defaulting to castrifying and seeing only the worst possible outcome, and what you can do is write all of that out. There's no need to run away from the worst possible outcome. You can write it all out, right, like the worst possible outcome of me taking XYZ action, of me following my desires, of me actually believing in myself this is the worst possible outcome, right, meaning like the worst possible outcome of me believing in myself and my goals would be that I fail and that I don't realize my dreams. Well, not taking any action is already there, and that's actually kind of what catapulted me to leaving my nine to five and going full on. And entrepreneurship was the worst possible thing that could happen is that I fail at growing my business, I fail at being able to support my family on my own doing my business, that I have to go back to a nine to five and feel and do a job that I'm not aligned with, and it's like, well, I'm already there, right, oftentimes we already are at our worst possible outcome, and so for me, that actually shifted my like oh, I'm going to do this and actually talking about this again, it's actually really revitalizing myself and my belief, because when you are in it, whatever it is, whether it is like the day in and out of motherhood, the day in and out of your career, your business growth, your health, your weight loss goal, whatever you are working to manifest, looking for a house, whatever it is when you are in it, you've already forgot the spark that got you there right. And this is why it's so important to constantly reconnect with your desire and your belief, your desire, and this is why it's so important to constantly reconnect with your desire and your belief, your desire and your belief, because it's going to build up that vibration that you need to be able to be in alignment to receive what you are seeking. And so, of course, if I can go back into that energy of worst possible case scenario is XYZ. And then it's like oh yeah, that's my worst possible case scenario. I mean, I guess worst possible scenario would be like being broken homeless, but I don't believe that can be a reality for myself, although that would be more worst case scenario, since I'm not a type of person that would allow myself to go to that far extreme. There would have to be a lot of different things happening to get to that point, but I know that before it would even get to that point, I would do the things that I need to do to make sure to pick the bills and we don't become homeless.

Speaker 1: 39:14

Now number six doubting your highest wisdom. This one here I'm like already rubbing my head, thinking like, oh my God, like your intuition is you, it is your higher self, it is source God, your guides to help you manifest the reality that you want with more ease and flow. But when you are in this self-protection mode, this defense mechanism mode, you're gonna doubt yourself, you're gonna doubt your higher wisdom and you may go into some of these cognitive distortions that are pushing you from what you want, right? So this can be like emotional reasoning, so the assumptions that emotions reflect the way things really are. Like I feel like a bad friend. Therefore, I must be a bad friend. So when you start to doubt your inner wisdom, you can even start to criticize your higher self, your inner self, your intuition, and be like well, anytime that I've listened to my intuition, it doesn't actually work out for me.

Speaker 1: 40:23

Now I will tell you if you believe that you were following your intuition in something, in a decision that you believed was guiding you and it didn't lead to the results that you were wanting, or something better always be open or something better. It is possible that you actually did not follow your intuition and or that you were playing small Meaning. If you're playing small and you're thinking you were following your intuition, you were most likely following your ego. You most likely were following very logical steps. Not saying there's anything wrong with logic Logic can get you in the same place, but it gets you there in a different way, where intuition and intuitiveness will get you there faster in ways that are magical and it's so much more fun and it's easier.

Speaker 1: 41:15

So doubting your intuition is self-protection because, remember your ego, your inner self, is trying to make sure that you are safe, and the unknown and the magical can really feel unsafe. It can really feel like no, this is not a possibility and if it is, it's probably not real and worst possible outcome is going to happen and I'm going to die. I want everybody to get comfortable with the I'm going to die for herself. We're all going to die, and I mean that, like, in the most positive way possible. We're all going to die, so it's okay, we should not have to fear it. This coming from a person who constantly, from a person who constantly feared dying I don't even remember maybe like 2014-ish try to remember around the time but I remember having a conversation with my coworker and he's like if I had thought about dying or the fear of dying more than two times in a year, then you know it's too many times. Now I don't remember our conversations or how that really like correlates to now, but I wanted to share that I used to fear dying so much and I definitely have come to terms with it in a whole new way, not saying that I don't fear dying too early, and then you know my kids not having me and me not being there, but I don't think of death in the same way than I used to before. So now number seven.

Speaker 1: 42:46

So number seven is addiction, and this is anything. Oftentimes you think of addiction being like actual drugs, but addiction can be social media. It could be lounging on the couch, it can be watching Netflix, you know on like watching it all on in right. As soon as you get home, you eat in front of the TV, you watch Netflix for hours and then maybe even fall asleep while watching Netflix and then wake up and repeat and do the same thing, and this can be the same for social media. It can be eating, and anything that keeps you from doing the things that you desire to do is an addiction. So even spiritual habits can become an addiction.

Speaker 1: 43:35

If you get really fixated on things, having to be perfect in your spiritual practices, or that you lash out on someone because your spiritual practice isn't what you want it to be, because they're interrupting you, that's an addiction, because a spiritual practice should help ground you, should help you regulate yourself, that when someone is encroaching in your space and your energy and it's bothering you, that you are able to take a step back and be like, okay, hey, my spirituality is important, but it's not that serious. Let's say that again it's important, but it's not that serious. So if you're like, well, working out is great, and what's the problem with having an addiction to working out, well, the problem is that, yes, working out's important, but it's not that serious. Going to the gym isn't gonna save your life in the long run. We're all still gonna die. Yes, I have to continue putting it on there so that we can all become more comfortable with the thought of death.

Speaker 1: 44:35

And so, number eight again, these are all ways of self protection for you to keep you safe, or the ego. The mind believes it is, but it is not actually working out. So number eight is procrastination. This is blocking your manifestation because it kind of goes hand in hand with perfectionism. I feel like perfectionism and procrastination are really one in the same. They're like on opposite sides of the same coin, and the reason for it is because procrastination is really, in my eyes, perfectionism, because you want everything to align perfectly before you'll actually get started. Where perfectionism is like everything has to be done perfectly, or you get upset or you actually don't want to do it right. So they're one in the same for me. And how does this protect you? It protects you because maybe in the past somebody got upset at you for not doing it correctly, or maybe procrastination worked out for you. I'll give the perfect example.

Speaker 1: 45:39

So my mom would get mad at me as soon as she got home that the house wasn't clean, and it would get me so mad because I would clean the house. I would come home right, we all have our routine that we would do as kids for our parents. And I would come home and I would clean the house and a house would be clean. It was just an old house, so I could see why it didn't feel clean when she would come home, because it's an older house. I mean, unless I like rebuild the house, there's still going to be. You know, it's still going to look raggedy I hate to say the word raggedy about our house growing up, but it's going to look raggedy. But I picked up, right, I did the couch like she wanted. She always used to put covers on the couch and you know, I did the couches. I I don't remember if I did the dishes or not, but whatever, I know that I picked up, I swept, I there wasn't like there was trash everywhere or anything crazy, and it was just me and my brother, so wouldn't really make a lot of mess.

Speaker 1: 46:34

Anyway. She would get home and that would be the first thing that she would be complaining about. She would be upset that I hadn't cleaned, right. There's assuming they're saying that that I hadn't cleaned, but I really had. And I got to the point where I was like you know what, forget it Right, because of whatever internal perfectionism. She had right and maybe it was just something she always constantly heard when she was growing up that things weren't clean and so instead of me doing it, I just wouldn't do it. I guess it was like am I procrastination? Am I not? Like I don't give a crap? No more, because it was damn if I did or not. And so I'm like she's gonna yell at me whether I clean or not. And I think she just even stopped giving up yelling at me about the house not being clean I don't know how old I was at that point, but that is a way to protect yourself, for whatever reason.

Speaker 1: 47:23

Maybe if you procrastinate long enough to not do something, someone else will do it for you, you know, and that protects you in different ways, right? So then, that way you don't get yelled at. Or, you know, it protects you from venturing out and realizing hey, when I'm trying this new thing, whatever it is, let's say, finding a new job or looking for a new house procrastination protects you, because then you don't have to feel the pain of whatever might come up. Maybe there's pain around what you can afford. Maybe there's pain around what kind of jobs there are out there. Maybe there's pain in the form of anxiety that is keeping you from wanting to really interview, right? Like, oh, if I wait to apply to jobs, then maybe you know, I don't have to worry about interviewing now if you're looking for it. Of course, logically it doesn't make sense that you would do that, right, but it's a self-protection mechanism. It is a way to protect you from the scary, unknown world. All right.

Speaker 1: 48:24

So number nine is staying in toxic relationships. So this blocks you from manifesting because it keeps you from growing. Staying in toxic relationships keeps you from growing, and not only does it keep you from growing, it keeps the other person from growing. Now, you getting out of that relationship does not mean that they are going to grow. They might, but it could mean that you are also keeping them from growing and keeping yourself from. But most member, a friend, a loved one, a partner. You're going to continue to be in that until you decide that's not a pain that you want to have in your life anymore and know that, yes, it's going to feel like pain leaving this relationship, whatever it is that you were thinking, you have know that you don't need them. It's an toxic relationship. You don't need them. You don't need anyone really, and when you begin to get into an alignment of you are whole as yourself and you don't need anyone else. You're going to find the people that truly are meant to be in your life, whether it's a loved one, community, friends, whoever, people who are coming and going, and especially people who are toxic.

Speaker 1: 50:06

There's a pain that's going on and there's a reason for it, and it is to get you out of that or to get you to grow, to get you to grow together. Perhaps you know you are in a toxic relationship. Part of you feels like there is room for a growl. Then you know, hit it straight on, let that person know hey, I love you. Let's go ahead and go into couples counseling, or even family counseling, or, if they're a friend, just be like can we go into some sort of counseling, some mediation, some friendship coaching, something to help you, help them and help each other actually stay in each other's lives because you really care about this person. There comes a point, though, that maybe that person doesn't want to grow beyond that current pain and is happy the way things are, and then you have to just be able to be willing to move forward. So how that blocks you from your manifestation is that you are not being your fullest expression when you are in a relationship that makes you feel bad, in a relationship that shrinks you, in a relationship that isn't pushing you to be the highest version of yourself and not saying that they are pushing you and they are making you feel bad, but that they are elevating you and supporting you and welcoming your growth.

Speaker 1: 51:17

Number N needing approval of others. So this is blocking your manifestations, because if you are constantly worried about what others might think or that you need to make sure that this is okay with everyone else, it goes back to number four, right, plain, small. If you're not able to go after your full desires, you're blocking your manifestations. And so by actually looking for approval, for validation that what you are wanting to bring in, it's not gonna work. It's not gonna work until you are willing to shed that, until you're willing to let that go and understand that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is you and your number one and your true, deepest desires. And it can take a while to really connect what's in your heart, because you may have been neglecting that part of yourself, you may have been pushing it down. You remain numbing.

Speaker 1: 52:19

To go back to addictions, I don't think I completely went into what I wanted to say there, where any addiction can also numb you and it takes you away from feeling there's nothing wrong with. You know, spending a few hours watching Netflix series, you know, maybe watching with family and having fun and actually being fully present. But if you just have it on and then you were scrolling on your phone and you're really just sharing it on social media, that is numbing. And when you are numbing you're avoiding, and when you're avoiding you're not wanting to really connect with the present moment and that's going to block you from your manifestations. So back to needing the approval of others. Needing the approval of others can lead you to do things that aren't actually aligned with what you are desiring and what you are wanting for yourself, and it makes you feel safe because it's getting something out of the other person, right, if you are doing things for someone else's approval, then there's something that they are giving you that you believe that you need, that you don't already have within yourself, but in reality you do once you start to shed those skins and those layers of that approval.

Speaker 1: 53:35

The last one from the Claim your Power Mastin Kitt book is confusion. This one's my least favorite. This is saying I don't know all the time to everything. I don't know what I desire. I don't know why I'm stuck. I don't know what I want for my next career move. I don't know what kind of neighborhood I want to live in. I don't know what I want to do in the next year.

Speaker 1: 53:59

And the reality is that, yes, if you have been numbing, if you have not been allowed to be your greatest expression of yourself and you've only been taught to play small because it's better to play small and not take that leap of faith, because taking the leap of faith is being in the uncertain you're going to say I don't know a lot because you haven't been allowed to the people around, you have not made it safe for you to express yourself fully. So if you are a person who says I don't know a lot and you're kind of stuck feeling like, well, what do I do about that? You have to start building safety for yourself. When you start to build safety for yourself and allowing yourself to explore in this safe bubble, right, you don't have to tell anyone what you are curious about. You don't have to tell anyone what you're trying. You don't have to share it on social media. You can just start trying and exploring stuff, whatever it is. I want you to take a moment, and this is for everyone, not just for those that feel like I don't know, because sometimes you get disconnected from your truest desires and beliefs for a variety of different reasons, all of them because your ego is trying to protect you from getting hurt, from getting yelled at.

Speaker 1: 55:23

Every time that I have interactions with my kids, that turned into what could be perceived as negative. If I'm scolding one of my children to not do something, especially my four-year-old, he expresses his emotions very outwardly. We all have emotions, so I didn't want to label him as being emotional, because everyone is emotional, everyone is sensitive. It's just a matter of how much we are able to suppress and regulate. Those are two different things, but they look similar. So there's some children that suppress themselves or regulate themselves very well, and then there's children who are not, and people we're all people so that goes for us adults very well. And then there's children who are not, and people we're all people, so that goes for us adults as well. And so my four-year-old isn't fully regulating his emotions and he expresses them quite a bit, and so and I mean everything and anything sometimes can trigger him. It could be simple, as I am telling him he needs to go to timeout for something that he did, and he just burst into tears, crying, almost hyperventilating, over him doing something that he knew he shouldn't have done, but then is reacting this way.

Speaker 1: 56:28

So you may have been that child who overly expressed, who struggled to regulate for whatever reason, and then you grow up, you're an adult and your ego doesn't want you to feel that. I mean, I see it in my son's face. I feel so bad that he is having this reaction to something so small. And you know, the last thing I would like for him to grow up and be like you know, suppressing his emotions. I'm constantly telling him like it's okay for you to express yourself. Just know like you need to feel your emotions regulate. Then teaching him how to manage that right in the best way that I can explain that to him, because he's still only four.

Speaker 1: 57:09

But your child self, your inner child self and your adult self, you need to kind of. You know, reparent yourself as the new trendy word that's out there, but with that you may have learned to suppress your emotions. Your desires are very connected to your emotions and so if you're suppressing, if you've been numbing, it's so understandable that you might not be connected to your desire, and this is what's hindering you from manifesting what you want, and so I want you guys to take a moment and close your eyes and put your hand on your heart, if it's possible. If you're driving, please don't let go of the wheel and that was like a little joke, so hopefully that made you laugh but seriously, don't let go of the wheel you're driving.

Speaker 1: 58:00

You put a hand, or two hands, on your heart and take a few breaths and allow my voice to take you and elevate you, to connect with that heart space and ask your heart right now, ask it what do you want to do, what do you want to be playful with, what do you want to explore and allow whatever comes up to bubble up and let it be the thing that your heart is currently desiring to do. Like, for me, the thing that came up was like coloring, because that's what I've been kind of dabbling in right now and wanting to do, like I want to color, and I believe the reason why I want to color is because, with coloring, you can feel the texture on the pages. I'm even like rubbing my fingers, because it's like there's tactileness that I'm desiring, and so you can kind of like, uncover, like, oh, why is it that you want to do X, y, z? What is it giving you?

Speaker 1: 58:55

Look at the four different elements. What is it feeding? What is your soul wanting? So, if I'm wanting tactilenessness, it's going to be earth. You know, if you are wanting to listen to affirmations, listen to a meditation, listen to music, then it's going to be air energy. Like I want to go drink a delicious drink, a coffee, a tea or whatever. It's most likely that you're looking for some water energy, right so, and then fire energy. Anyone like what would be a fire element? It could be anything, really. It could be like oh, I want to light a candle and bring in a nice scent, or, you know, I want to cook over an open flame. Whatever it is, let it come up for you. You know you can dig in deeper or you can just take it for what it is and allow that to explore for yourself. So, remember, you are always able to connect with your desires If you slow down, if you take the moment to just place your hands on your heart and ask yourself with the most playfulness imagine you talking to your inner child yourself and be like what do you want to do? What do you want to do? You could do anything and I'm here to support you and love you and create this safe space for yourself so you can stop saying I don't know.

Speaker 1: 1:00:09

All right, that is today's episode. I hope that the two pieces can come together right Because, like I said, I started recording the first part of it last week and I'm recording the second part, so sometimes things can't mesh that well when you do something like that, especially when you don't have like a detailed outline. I just wanted to talk about these different self-defense mechanisms, self-protection from this book, claim your power, and then I mentioned existential kink from unmask your shadow by carolyn elliott, and I am trying to make sure that I covered everything I wanted to. I feel like there might have been some things that I've missed, but know that anything that's in this episode, I know that this is what needs to be in this episode. I allow the divine to guide me and tell me like it's okay. It's okay that it happened this way, it's okay that this unraveled in the way that it did and that you are receiving great manifesting content to help you manifest your desires.

Speaker 1: 1:01:15

So if you are in my email list and if you're not, go ahead and hop on that, because I share there every episode and then more different things coming up. I did share on there that I am going to be taking a little bit of a step back and my episodes are going to be coming out every other week starting now until probably around August, which it kind of evens out because usually in July or June I usually take four weeks off. So this actually kind of divides that and I probably won't be taking four weeks off in the summer this way. So partly the reason is because having the podcast does cost financially. So this will help lower some costs there, since I am working less right now but mid-July the baby will be going back to daycare. That opens up my time to be able to meet with more clients and work with more clients one-on-one. So if you are interested in coaching, I do have a spot open for this month and I will have more spots open up in July. So if you are interested, make sure to apply in the show notes. There's a link there.

Speaker 1: 1:02:23

I am here and ready and super excited to get started with you on your manifesting journey and, as always, if you like this episode or love it, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Share on your Instagram a review on Apple Podcasts. Share on your Instagram Recently last week or so I found that we had actually hit like 199 in the US's like top spirituality podcasts and I'm super excited that we hit that. We're not in it now. So share, share, share, like rate review, re-listen to your favorite episodes.

Speaker 1: 1:03:00

Go back and listen to the beginning. I saw that someone listened to episode number eight, I think it was, and it was like meditation to help you balance and I was like, ooh, that is so needed for me right now and I'll link it on the show notes too. But go back and dig back into some of that stuff from previously. I know I will be to kind of get re-inspired and remember like what I'm doing, what I'm saying, is nothing new and really building the belief that everything that I am sharing with you all is very, very valuable and that I am here to help you on your manifesting journey. I will see you all in the next episode. Thank you for listening to the Manifesting Latina podcast. Did you love today's episode? Please help us grow by leaving a review, sharing with a friend or on your social media. Let's spread the abundance and fun of manifesting. Thank you.