Sober Tip Tuesday will be episodes where Courtney provides bite-size topics to help you in your sobriety journey. You can always listen to them when needed.
Sober Tip Tuesday will be episodes where Courtney provides bite-size topics to help you in your sobriety journey. You can always listen to them when needed.
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Speaker 1:
Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 174. Welcome to Sober Tip Tuesday, this little bite-sized series that you can come back to and listen to it in times of when you're struggling with these topics that I'm covering right.
Speaker 1:
So today we are going to talk about maintaining sobriety during moments of loneliness. This is a huge one for people, especially in this journey of the loneliness, okay, and because it's very easy to feel isolated. Because in your active addiction I just want to make sure that I say this correct In your active drinking, a lot of it was lonely because it was hidden. You didn't feel like anybody else had this problem right, like towards a lot of people's end of their drinking careers. It's very, again, isolated. It's very you withdrawn as a person, you withdrawn socially. You don't really want to spend much time with people because you're not in the headspace to do so.
Speaker 1:
So then when you get into sobriety, right, and you start healing and working on yourself, then it can become isolating in the sense of maybe you stop getting invites to places because people know now that you're not drinking and honestly, that has nothing to do with you. It more so has to do with the other people, and there's two reasons. It's either because they don't know if they should invite you. Honestly, like a lot of people, a lot of friends and family members don't know how now to navigate you as a sober person and what they should be inviting you to, because sometimes they think inviting you to something could be a trigger, and it's all education. That's why you have to be the voice of being like no, I still want to be included, let me decide if I want to come or not.
Speaker 1:
And then the other part of that is just because then a lot of people I don't want to say a lot, a small percentage of people don't want the person who doesn't drink anymore around because they have a problem. This is factual, this is human nature, this is observing. This is me from what I have gone through in my past. So I'm not just making this shit up. It's human nature. I've seen it, I've heard it, I've been in it, I get it and then think of it too. Go back and think of it on your side of like okay, in my relationship with drugs and alcohol or whatever, would I want a person who didn't drink around me. Think of that. So think of it. We're going to pause here for a minute. Okay, just process that and think about it and be very honest with yourself. And I'm sure you're now thinking like, oh my God, I wouldn't have so because I had an issue with it. And why would I want somebody around me that would quote unquote judge me? Right, but now, being on the other side, you know that not to be the case of judgment, especially when somebody has a problem, it's the case of caring, okay, anyways.
Speaker 1:
So it can be very hard to feel like you can maintain your sobriety during moments of loneliness, because moments of loneliness bring up a lot of feelings. Right, and this is where it's key, if you're feeling moments of loneliness, to make sure to reach out to a support network, whether it's friends, family, in-person group, online group. Support is key and you need that. And there's nothing wrong with being like, hey, I'm feeling a little bit lonely. Right To hear from other people's perspectives of what they can try to help you with during that time. Sometimes, even you just don't even need their feedback. Sometimes it's like I just need somebody to fucking listen to me. Like, am I lonely, right, like I feel this and I just need to express it. And in those conversations, too, sometimes you just have to tell people like I just need you to listen to me for a minute, right, because sometimes that's all we need.
Speaker 1:
Another key on helping you finding ways to cope with loneliness is to start engaging in activities that actually bring you joy and fulfillment. Okay, you've heard me talk about this many times you got to get a hobby, you have to get some type of hobby, or even do some exercise to make you feel better. Because, again, when you feel better, the less likely and you feel a sense of joy or feel like feeling being, like feeling being fulfilled, it is going to lessen the loneliness because you're partaking, right, you're partaking in something social. You're partaking in something, again, that fulfills you. Okay, I will even say this in the last year, because I'm almost at 300 days in the last year, because I'm almost at 300 days In the last year, I had to start doing things that brought me more joy. Right, if you go back to my overcoming burnout episode, I start I share with you on how I started to overcome burnout this last year.
Speaker 1:
One of the things I did was I actually started to learn Spanish on the app Duolingo, okay, and that to me. I know this is going to sound, it could sound silly to people, but I had to start learning something new, to start fulfilling that inside of me of like, learning outside of my business, learning outside of motherhood, learning something new for me that had nothing to do with motherhood, business, being a wife, being a friend, being a sober coach, podcast, none of that. Okay, I needed to do something for me where I could take the time not even 10 minutes a day, just depending on how many lessons I wanted to do but fill that in my soul and it has helped me so much. And just feeling better as a person and fulfilling that. Because, guess what? I took Spanish back in high school. I did two years, because I think that was required of you in high school, if I can remember correctly and I've always wanted to learn to continue learning a second language. All through these goddamn years, I've wanted to learn to speak another language. Well, so I'm finally doing that. So that's what I'm saying Find something that's going to bring you joy and fulfillment.
Speaker 1:
And even though I do it at nighttime and it's part of my nighttime routine now it gives me something for myself that's filling my cup. Okay, that's just an example. Go back to your childhood of things that brought you joy. If you're not incorporating that, start doing it now. It is going to help you overcome the loneliness. I will say this Sometimes with loneliness we get too much in our head and it is very when you start letting your voice be like I have no friends, nobody loves me. It's a lot like in your active relationship of the same story. You're telling yourself, right, and that's where you have to figure out where the story is. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's you who's pushing people away and not participating, right? So look at that in your own life right now and it's like damn, am I the issue? Again, this is coming from a place of love.
Speaker 1:
There was a time in my sobriety where it was really easy for me to say no to stuff and I said no to stuff and said no to stuff. And at a certain point some people did stop inviting me somewhere or to places and I had to ask one of my close girlfriends. I was like why don't you ever include me anymore? She's like well, you always say no. I just figured you didn't want to do this stuff. So after that conversation I really had to look at it and be like, okay, I have to start putting myself out there and I have to start quote unquote, reclosing. I mean not like full on reclose, but you know what I'm saying, you know how I'm using this term, so you have to look at your actions to see if this is a you thing, okay.
Speaker 1:
Also, too, when it comes to maintaining sobriety during moments of loneliness, you need to understand, too, too, that you have to be kind to yourself, right, that it's okay to feel lonely. And a lot of this loneliness, too, can be suppressed. Emotions with your past, right. The moments of loneliness, it's a lot like going through a grief process, and that's what we do in the process of sobriety. When we're shedding our own identity, when we're mourning the loss of our best friend, alcohol and slash who we were and some friends in our lives, that can be feel very lonely, but it's okay. Nothing's wrong with you if you feel lonely. You just have to figure out how to go about it, because the more you do this stuff of what I've suggested today in the Sober Tip Tuesday, the easier it's going to be to maintain your sobriety.
Speaker 1:
I'm tying it all together there, that doing this stuff will help you maintain your sobriety during these kind of emotional lows. Right, and this in what I'm speaking of today, it's under the umbrella of emotional sobriety. There's a lot of different topics under the umbrella of emotional sobriety, and this is one of them. This is truly one of them. So, practice more self-compassion and just keep reminding yourself you are strong as bitch. I say bitch with love, okay. So remember it, give yourself grace, know that it's okay to feel lonely sometimes.
Speaker 1:
Start finding healthy ways to cope with this loneliness. Maybe it's even to the summer. You join a pickleball league Pickleball's all the rage last couple of years Like, go, put yourself out there. I'm not saying that's opening yourself up to people, where you're letting them in. You're going to play a game of pickleball okay, and take it as that of getting out there. Maybe it's starting to volunteer at your church or do something that your church is offering. Or maybe it is again going to do a class this summer a painting class, adult education painting class and then you're putting yourself out with people where you're like, okay, cool Wednesday nights I go and I'm surrounded by people and I have this. That's a social life. Okay, you're putting yourself out there, you're learning, you're in it. And then two as always, there's meetings that you can put yourself in, either in person or virtual, to start connecting with people, to share in moments of loneliness and tap into a support network.
Speaker 1:
Right, and this is where I want to invite you to my course that I launched with overcoming loneliness, and it is a podcast series. That is right. I did this when I was on break and it is overcoming loneliness and it really helps you through to expand more. And what I just talked about Because here's what I'm going to tell you that not a lot of people get, and I had to figure this out on myself there is a physical loneliness and then there's an emotional loneliness. That physical loneliness is like oh yeah, I don't have the people around me, I truly don't have people, and there are some people out there that don't have that, and then there some people out there that don't have that, and then there's other people where it's more of an emotional loneliness and in this series, I help you uncover that and give more advice, coaching, support in that of how you can get yourself out of that.
Speaker 1:
I had to do this and this is again working more on emotional sobriety, because in those first couple of years there was times I had people around me but I felt very lonely on the inside and it's something that I had to look back on of my childhood. This goes back to some roots, y'all. It goes back and where it was like, oh, I've always felt this, right, I've always felt this, whether whatever type of trauma you came from, where this had always been inside me, and this is probably one of the reasons I was drinking to cover it up. So in this coaching podcast, I help you uncover that. There's a workbook to go along with this. It's a PDF workbook. You can print it up, answer your questions. I give you a challenge in one of them. It is five coaching episodes there's three big ones and then two little ones to uncover all of this of overcoming loneliness and sobriety. There's also a seven-day email series and you can get that for $37. It's a one-time fee and anytime that I update this, you have lifetime access. So you get all access to it. So it's a good one and I highly recommend, if you are struggling with this overcoming loneliness, you dig deeper and figure out how you can fix that, whether it's the emotional side or physical side, and really my theme for 2024 is, if you want something different, you got to do something different, and that is in sometimes our daily behavior or getting help for something else when you're struggling.
Speaker 1:
Like how I went back to therapy, I had to find a different therapist that specialized in what I was going at during that time. So I had to find a therapist who specialized in motherhood stuff, postpartum stuff, all of that. So, doing something for a different result, you got to do something different. So I hope this episode helps you today. Come along you can check the link in the show notes for the Overcoming Loneliness series and I know it's going to help you. Thank you for listening today.
