How to Quit Drinking Alcohol

Episode 180: How to Quit Drinking Alcohol
 
In episode 180 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen shares how to quit drinking in 2024. She always gets asked this question, so she wanted to dedicate a full episode to the topic. 

The answer you may not want to hear when it comes to quitting drinking alcohol, but it's one everyone needs to hear. 

What you will learn in this episode:

• Quitting drinking alcohol 
• Support you should have 
• The answer lies within you 
• Doing things differently 

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Thank you for listening.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:32

Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 180. Trucking away. We sure are One episode at a time, and today is officially the first day of summer God isn't it great? Who loves summer? Please slide into my DMs and let me know.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Today's episode is going to be about how to quit drinking. I know you're probably thinking to yourself like what the F? Right? Possibly you may or may not, and this is a topic that I have probably talked about I don't know of fully, like how to quit drinking, and this is one question I get asked all the time. Every time on Mondays, my Q&A ask me anything Monday on my Instagram page and the stories I have this come up every single Monday and the answer is really going to lie into you, right?

Speaker 1: 1:51

Everybody's journey is different on this, and it comes to the point when you want to quit drinking alcohol. It comes to the point where you start dipping your toe. I'm just going to just the process of this. Okay, you start dipping your toe into the moderation game, the. If you're in the cycle of in and out of medical detoxes, right, In and out of the cycles of rehab, you are a stay at home, mom, and you're like okay, on a Monday, I'm never going to do this again. I feel like shit, after I just was hammered with my kids all weekend, feel the shame. And then by Wednesday you're drinking again. Everybody is different in this, but we all start around the same time of dipping our toe into let me quit drinking alcohol, right, and whether that's you take seven days off, you take 30 days off, you take a year off, you take six months, 15 months, whatever the case may be, and then you end up drinking again. And then you go into that cycle. Same thing medical detoxes, rehabs you're in and out of rehabs and medical detoxes for two years is rehabs You're in and out of rehabs and medical detoxes for two years.

Speaker 1: 3:11

It's a process to get to that I you have heard me say it many times on the show and throughout everything of it took me four years to finally stop. It took me four years of saying enough was enough. I just recorded an interview with a guest today and he was even talking where he was like I tried to quit drinking multiple times and it's like yes, there is few and far between that. You will meet somebody who's like oh yeah, I just decided to quit drinking and I did Like that is a unicorn. That is a unicorn, that's a magical beast, real majestic animal, okay, so don't beat yourself up if you are in the process of this. If you're like why can't I get this right? Just sometimes it's because you need some help in different areas. And also, too, you need to learn the lesson about 25 times before you finally say like dude, I'm done with this, or accept it, like accept that alcohol is no longer a part of your being right and the more and I know people are really fucked up when they get fucked up on the sense of like well, like weird about like acceptance. But you got to do it Because, if you have tried this rodeo for years and years of how to control your drinking, you've been in and out of rehabs, you've been in and out of medical detoxes.

Speaker 1: 4:41

You've had way too many Mondays where you're like God damn it, my husband is pissed off at me and my kids were like Mommy, why were you unresponsive this weekend? Whatever it may be, when you get to a point where you are good and tired, then that is the time for you to be done, where you are just legit done, because that is where any person who has quit I will say 95% of people who have quit and have not gone back to it and had a long-term sobriety, it's because they were good and tired and was just like I'm never going to dance with the substance again. I'm not even going to entertain, even just taking a sip, or going to a wine tasting and participating in wine tasting, because I know where it's going to lead me back to Okay. So again, if you are in this process and you're like I'm failing at this, I'm failing at this, it's like no, you're not, because everybody goes through this to get to the point where they're not drinking alcohol anymore and it's just a thing of learning acceptance and being like I'm a person who cannot drink and that is okay. Don't get it twisted. You can be mad at it for a minute and you can be mad in that grieving process of like why the fuck did this happen to me? And I mean there's many reasons why it happened to you, but just keep working on acceptance.

Speaker 1: 6:13

And part of that, of how I worked on acceptance and going on 12 years sober here in August, is because I had to say to myself multiple times I am a person who cannot drink. Other people can drink, but I am not. This is how I was able to still be able to bartend in my sobriety and go to places where there was alcohol served and just live in society, because we want to live in society and we have to live in a society. That is so alcohol infused and it's embedded in our culture and all the things right. But we didn't just get sober just to hide in our rooms. I don't want that for anybody. I want you to experience life and really make the best of the second, go around and who you get to be, because we're really lucky people if you think about it. We get to live two lives in one.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Okay, there was whoever were in our drinking days. We lived that life right, partied with the best of them, had great times, had terrible times, showed your titties whatever the case may be I kid about that, but you know. Flashing titties, whatever the case might be, I kid about that, but you know flashing. I mean I did it and we had great times until it wasn't great times, and then it was the effing pits, right, until it was just the pits of like. Oh, my God, my hangovers now last three, four, five days, I'm emotionally unstable because I'm in perimenopause and this is not fun anymore. It's not fun to wake up and my kids not be about me because I was hammered last night drooling on myself, okay.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Or if your husband or wife doesn't want to have sex with you anymore because you're a slob kebab like this is the truth and this is where drinking can lead you. Or even always having a partner being on your case about your drinking. It's tiresome. So how to quit drinking in 2024. And again, this goes back to you. This goes back to you making the decision like I'm fucking done, I am done. Remembering the last time. You need to remember the last time where you were like I am done. Remembering the last time. You need to remember the last time where you were like I am done. Where you might've had that spiritual moment where the universe has stepped in and was like girl, like enough is enough, we're done. The party is over and that is okay, because the other stuff you will figure out. But all you have to focus on is not drinking alcohol today. I don't want you thinking about a wedding that's going to come up in three years. I don't want you. I don't want you keep putting yourself on the back burner and having your friends dictate what you're going to do with yourself. If you need to take a time out from your friends, take a time out from your friends. Take a time out from your friends and it's okay. Stop putting yourself in triggering situations right now. You will resume your social life, I guarantee it. I have done it. I took a 90 day time out and munch, munch picture frames Heard me say this before.

Speaker 1: 9:21

In this, this thing, you have to do something completely different to get the results. You have to start working, too, on that work, that inner work of why did you start drinking in the first place? Is there trauma you need to work on? Do you need to start going to a therapist? All of that. So what I'm just suggesting to you are support, right, like support therapist. Get yourself into meetings, whether that is through AA or Zoom meetings right. Start doing that inner work. Start doing something different and stop putting yourself in those situations.

Speaker 1: 10:04

Stop reaching for the bottle if you're sick. I know for a lot of people that a trigger and this is where you have to find your triggers too I know for a lot of women a trigger for them too, is when they're sick and they do not feel good. I don't like when I don't feel good either. I get it. However, you just continuing to put alcohol in your system is just going to make you feel 10 times worse. It might numb you out for a minute, but then that's it. If you have people around you who enable you, it's time to get support outside of that and stop having people enable you right Like, get yourself an accountability coach Again. Get yourself into support meetings with people who understand what you're going through, and if this is the type of stuff you haven't done yet, because you think you can do this on your own with any some type of help, then that's your ego talking and that's where you have to put that in check, right? So what I'm all recommending to you too, this is what you have to look at this. These are all tools. These are all tools that are going to help you continue to not drink alcohol.

Speaker 1: 11:18

And then again, going into inner work. Maybe for you, you need to start journaling. Maybe for you, all the quitlet books are too much and all the podcasts are too much, and so you need to now start listening to podcasts about, I don't know, decluttering your home, okay, where your home situation, with all this clutter around you, does not keep triggering you to drink alcohol. Because when you get in home, you get home, the energy level in the house is terrible and you have all of this stuff around and all this mess is around. Right, clutter is around and it hasn't been making you feel good for years and you keep going back into your living situation and sitting in front of all of this stuff is triggering you. So then it's very easy to quit drinking. So now let's work on right, start decluttering your life so that won't keep triggering you. Okay, everybody's situation again, is different and you have to learn what's best for you and what tools you need.

Speaker 1: 12:31

And even if you are like six months in and you quit drinking and then you do have a slip, don't let that slip then just define you and you be like sink back into it because it's like gives you a reason. And that's where that addict victim brain comes into play, where you have to turn that around and be like no, I'm not going to let this take me down a rammet hole and I'm going to start doing this right, like I'm going to get back on the horse that day. I'm not going to let this allow me to get into a six to seven week bender, maybe six to seven year bender. Catch it before it keeps going into a darker, deeper place where it's going to be harder to get yourself out of that. So the other huge thing with how to quit drinking in 2024 is I'm going to tell you this and I just had this with a one-on-one client and a lot of one-on-one clients I actually teach this to, but this one just comes to mind because we just worked on this the other day and it comes to identity work.

Speaker 1: 13:37

Okay, if you have not been drinking for 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 weeks and you keep telling people I'm trying to quit drinking, what does that say about you? It still says in the mindset of it all that you haven't stopped. And guess what? You have stopped? You haven't drank in 12 weeks. So why are we still saying I'm trying to quit drinking or I'm trying to get sober, when the fact of it is like no, I'm actually living an alcohol-free life.

Speaker 1: 14:17

Okay, start identifying as a person who doesn't drink alcohol. Stop telling your friends honestly. Stop telling your friends like well, I'm just doing this thing right now, I don't know how to go. I don't know where I'm going to be in six months I could be drinking again because you're still wishy-washy Again. I'm not going to get this twisted. That I get.

Speaker 1: 14:44

Saying that you're never going to drink again is very overwhelming. Totally understand that. Okay, I get it. However, you're sending mixed messages to yourself and inside your mind. It is like you haven't made up that decision yet. You need to make up the decision Now. You don't even owe your friends an explanation or anybody. You don't owe the internet an explanation. Other gin I don't drink today. That's it and leave it at that. Don't feel like you need to over-explain yourself or do the wishy-washy thing to make other people happy and comfortable, because they actually 90% of them don't care. They want to see what works best for you. They actually 90% of them don't care. They want to see what works best for you. So the sooner you can start identifying yourself as a person living with I'm a person living. I'm a woman living without alcohol. I'm living an alcohol-free life. I'm a person who doesn't drink alcohol. Say that, and if you start doing this practice and do an affirmation of it and start repeating it to yourself a couple times a day you're going to start believing it. And this is coming from a very empowering place, a very empowering place, and I also had this conversation. I will transparency of this, if this is how I feel.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Granted, I was a person who related as an alcoholic right and then, when I was in therapy, my therapist asked me sweet Vicki. At the time my therapist asked me and this was when did I go to Sweet Victoria? That was probably like I think I saw her in four years, anyways, and she said to me she's like do you still, do you still identify as an alcoholic? And I had to pause and I was like, well, no, I was like I feel like it was the recovery alcoholic part. I was like, but now I just I'm at the point where it's just life right, like, and I have always felt that way, and even, too, with the identification.

Speaker 1: 16:50

And I know I'm going to go against a lot of people and you might be mad at me for saying this, but I don't find it empowering to keep calling yourself an alcoholic when you haven't drank in two years. You're not in that state of being. What you're in the state of being and doing some L-I-V-I-N is, you're a person who doesn't drink alcohol. You're living an alcohol-free life. Hey, good people of the world, as you live your sober life, don't just count the days. Make the days count.

Speaker 1: 17:26

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Speaker 1: 18:55

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Speaker 1: 20:09

Yeah, so that's my little tangent about the recovering, or about keep referring to yourself as an alcoholic when you're not in that space. And this is where Sober Vibes. I've always wanted this to be an empowering place for your journey. This podcast is a tool, and you tune in each week, listen when I'm not on a break, and you tune in each week and listen to help you along your journey. Right Like this is a tool. These podcasts are a tool. Quick books are a tool. I believe that 12-step programs, in-person meetings, virtual meetings those are all tools to help you along in your journey and that's where you have to find which suits you best to keep you sober another day.

Speaker 1: 20:58

I'm also going to say something of how to quit drinking in 2024. And this is really again when I work with what I want clients, it's about protecting your energy. Stop overbooking yourself, because when you quit drinking the number one priority and I tell my clients to like rest, please, rest. Do you have any plans this weekend? You don't Great, do nothing and you might be shaking your head like Courtney. That's hard for me not to do anything, which I understand, but what happens is when people start overbooking themselves, you're still living like you were with your active relationship with alcohol. And two, you were able to do all of these things because you drank your way through the weekend, so they were manageable for your psyche, for your energy levels, and it's like, okay, I'll just have a couple drinks, be able to tolerate these people and whatnot.

Speaker 1: 22:02

And then what happens is you get sober and you have to start protecting your energy, where then you go into a weekend and you're like, fuck, this is too much. And you're drained by Saturday at noon and you still have to get through Saturday night, but you're so tired and it's very triggering to you, and then you have to go do a social event and then go talk to people when you don't have any of the energy to do so. So what's the next best thing to do? To drink to get yourself through that evening. So, like, if you are overextending yourself on the weekends and have five, six, seven events, please, you need to. If mommy needs to take a day off on a Sunday to kick up your feet just for two hours and not have to take all the little rugrats around and you guys know I have a little rugrat dictator right like, then that's what you need to do. So maybe right now, in the process of this journey for you, you cut down on some weekend activities so you can rest, because guess what You're going to have to go to work tomorrow or you're going to have to step right in into the role of getting the kids to A, b, c and D on a Monday and it's like it's Groundhog's Day. But you need to protect yourself and your energy so you can get through the weekends without feeling like you need to reach for a drink to keep doing what you used to do. You just have to change your schedule, and that's where I have to say it, like you have to start doing things differently. And when you start doing things differently, then it will be easier for you to keep living another day without alcohol.

Speaker 1: 23:49

And I had to do a complete 180 of my life when I quit drinking, so I was no longer working in a bar. Right, that was a godsend. For that to have all panned out, I had to start working on my sleep and getting my sleep in order with my new nine to five schedule, which took a long time, because please remember that, for I don't know at that point, like back when was that 30.? So at that point I had been working in the bars at nighttime for like 12 years. Okay, so it took me a minute. I had to start doing that. I had to say no to social events. I even at points had to do it where Matt and I started doing things of like going out to eat when the blue hairs did, and that became much more enjoyable for me than to be sitting in a restaurant on a Friday night like extremely triggered.

Speaker 1: 24:55

So you have to shift around some things. I had to figure out what my triggers were and Fridays were my trigger because that was the night that I towards the end of my drinking career. It was binge drinking and it would be binge drinking on a Friday and go through the weekend and then by Sunday I would be dead. So Fridays I had to fully embrace. I knew I was going to have anxiety and work through my anxiety with doing arts and crafts and baking cupcakes and watching Friday Night Lights and then, until I was done with that show, moved on.

Speaker 1: 25:32

I stopped watching fucking Bravo for a minute. You know how much I love Bravo, but I had to stop watching Bravo because those were out and I used to watch. Oh my God. I used to love the Bad Girls Club okay, this was pre-2012, and I tried watching a season of the Bad Girls Club. Please slide into my DMs on Sober Vibes on Instagram and let me know if you were a Bad Girls fan. It was the best but worst show ever. I sat there and I tried watching that when I was sober and I was like, oh my God, I can't. It was like jarring to my nerves, right.

Speaker 1: 26:12

This is when I also too, introduced of just like towel time, of where I would sit on my bed for like an hour and kind of zone out right and just really focus on myself, that first year especially, and how I was not going to drink alcohol that day. And each day I did it and each day I did not drink alcohol. And here we are. We're going into 12 years in August, but you just have to do something. You have to do something different and you have to hold yourself to a higher standard than you just saying, fuck it, let me turn to drinking. That's not an option for you. So a lot of this is really it's a lot of mental. It's a lot of mental preparation and that's why, at the top of this show, where I said this is all about you, this comes down to you and you being like okay, this is the last time I'm done.

Speaker 1: 27:13

I've listened to 180 episodes of the Silver Vibes podcast and she has continuously said the same theme your drinking is not going to get better, especially if you've already had a problematic relationship with alcohol. This will never go back to how you were with the drink at 19 years old, when it was fun and innocent. Because currently, where now you are at, it is the pits. 90% of the time it's terrible. Yeah, there's 10% of the time where it's like I had some really good times and I still have some good times and I don't feel too bad. But this is few and far between now Right, and that's why I'll never I don't ever sweep this shit under the rug of my drinking days and I can still laugh about some of the days with my girlfriends or with myself or like, or with my sister you guys hear us laughing about it Like, because 10% of the time it was good and I had some good memories and I won't forget that. But keeping on to that 10% and just focusing on that it's not healthy, because 90 I know where the 90% of my time went, and especially, too, with the how to quit drinking.

Speaker 1: 28:30

You just don't drink alcohol today. If you feel like you want to drink tonight at six o'clock, say to yourself no, I'm going to put myself to bed, I'm going to wake up and I'm going to reevaluate it tomorrow and look, you made it through a day. And then do the same thing and repeat that each day, even if you have to put yourself to bed early. If you have to go to bed at seven o'clock on Friday night on June 21st, go to bed, go to sleep, get up in your bed, watch some TV and then go to sleep. If you don't have sleeping issues, and if you do have sleeping issues, just lay there in your bed, watch some TV and then go to sleep. If you don't have sleeping issues, and if you do have sleeping issues, just lay there in your bed. Just lay there in your bed and do not get out of that bed because it could tempt you just to want to go drink, right, like. So just stay in your bed.

Speaker 1: 29:27

And I do feel, like majority of people, it's like, once you're in your bed, you're in your bed. It's not like you're getting out of that, correct? So I don't know if this is really the answer you want to hear when I am asked that, but it's the truth. It's the truth and it all lays on you and I don't know if many people are saying that, so I'm not going to say I'm not going to sit here and be like it's a choice and because it is a disease for a lot of people. However, to keep saying that it's a disease to enable you to give you an excuse to keep drinking is not the move, is not the move. So you have to ask yourself how do I want to live my life and move from there and again, go to sleep early.

Speaker 1: 30:31

Don't act in your feelings. Wait 24 hours, wait till the next day, see how you feel the next day and keep rinsing and repeat and keep plugging into yourself of like, okay, why am I not drinking? Because last time that I drank, I started doing I had two drinks and then immediately started calling the dealer, did a bunch of blow. Now I sit here the next day, dead to the world, feel like shit, my anxiety is at a 25 and I'm not going to recover for this. For the next couple of days I'm not going to feel good. So, like, that's where your drinking took you. You have to still keep connected to that. Okay, I mean, again, there's, I have podcast episodes about cravings and what to do and all of that.

Speaker 1: 31:19

So there's episodes that you can listen to, there's resources out of there and this is where I want to invite you to to my self-guided Next Level Solar Support program, and I really took this from a lot of the one-on-one work that I have done with clients through the years and came up with a course. It's an audio, there's a workbook in it and it's really me taking you from the quitting drinking, go from and this is a lot of mindset work too of the I can't do this to. I choose this. Make better decisions for you, like I said, even too, about how planning out your weekends, start, living chaos free, working through triggers and cravings, building boundaries Really, getting down to the sobriety isn't boring, okay. So you're going to get a workbook, you'll get lifetime access, you will get my three-day course to triggering family relationships and you always, like I said, you have lifetime access and I do have some more modules coming into this course. Right now, I believe, there's like 13. And so there will be more modules coming in there.

Speaker 1: 32:38

But this really is for you to add this as a tool to work through this, to have me as your coach and working you through these topics, because a lot of these topics you need help with in the process of quitting drinking alcohol and even to in that first year of sobriety right, like, even if you're past the year and you need this just to do a reframe, do it. This course is $17 and I'm super proud of this course and especially, too, like I said, it's a lot from my one-on-ones of what I have worked with them and knowing what people need during that time. So the link is in the show notes below If you have any questions, let me know. But again, this is all about building your toolbox and helping you in your sobriety journey of where to start. What I like about this course, too, is you can come back and listen to the audios, okay, so you can come back and just listen and take the information in and implement it. That's a lot of implementation. If you've read my book, too, it's the same way.

Speaker 1: 33:51

I want you to implement it, because that is what's going to start helping you, even if it's just let's just say this okay, the building a boundary. Even if it's just you saying no one time, okay To somebody, and then the next four people you don't say no to, but then the fifth or sixth person, you're like oh, I can say no again, that's starting to show consistency of building boundaries. So building boundaries is. It's a tough one and takes a minute, because you go back and forth with it, because for so long we did not have boundaries or we were never shown healthy boundaries. So that's something that I like to work with people on, especially when it comes to this, because everybody needs healthier boundaries.

Speaker 1: 34:35

So if you have any questions, feel free to DM me or hit or, I'm sorry, dm me on Instagram or send me an email sobervibesatgmailcom. And I know that this course is going to help you in your journey and especially, too, with the sober life you want because you deserve to have the sober life you want and especially of just stop self sabotaging and move forward. Right, because how many more times do you want to burn yourself on the hand or burn your hand when this shit is no longer working for you? And that's what you need to look at, like this substance is no longer working for me. I'm going to end it on that, because I just don't want to keep rambling, but I do want to say too oh, you can actually too, except for I cannot respond to you. I can't respond to you on this, but there is a new feature and you can see it in the show notes where it's like you can text the show, and I appreciated people who have texted the show so far. I love it.

Speaker 1: 35:42

Someone just recommended for me if you listen to the last Lemon on the Allerge, when my sister and I just went broke, oh God, I think it was a podcast for me to listen to about cults and I just want to say, cause, again, I can't see who is sending it to me, but I just want to tell that person. If you're listening, I'm totally going to check them out. So, like, if you, if there's any type of content you want to me to talk about or something you're like, if you're struggling of something in your sobriety, text it to the show and I will make a podcast episode at it, or I'll do some type of Q and a. If I can't get to it on the podcast, I'll do a Q and a on my, in my Instagram feed. So, um, in the lives, I'll do a Q and a. Just send it there. Okay, all right, everything's in the show notes to connect with me. If you haven't already, please check out our sponsors and keep on trucking out there and stay safe. Thank you.