Staying Sober During a Medical Crisis with Marnie Rae

Episode 181: Staying Sober During a Medical Crisis with Marnie Rae

In episode 181, Marnie Rae returns to the Sober Vibes podcast to chat with Courtney Andersen about staying sober during a medical crisis.

Marnie Clark returns to the show to share about her cancer diagnosis and what life looks like now. Marnie recounts the shock of being diagnosed with lung cancer despite leading a healthy lifestyle. The discovery of a lung mass that had metastasized to her brain prompted her to shut down her blog and mocktail business, urging listeners to prioritize health and family. The episode sheds light on the rarity of lung cancer in non-smokers and the importance of listening to one’s body, highlighting the value of proactive health monitoring even in the absence of typical risk factors.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Marnie's story 
• How to be proactive with your health 
• The importance of staying sober during a health crisis 
• Perspective on life 

Marnie's first episode of the Sober Vibes podcast, Ep 12.

Thank you for listening.

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Transcript

Speaker 2: 2:17

Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 181. I have a wonderful guest on today, my friend, marnie Clark. She was actually on the Sober Vibes podcast on episode 12, which aired May 7th of 2020. So very in the beginning of this and her and I talked about sobriety and housewives, so you can go back to listen to that if you haven't heard of Marnie before. Marnie also, too, was the founder of National Mocktails Week, so we have her to thank for it. So this episode she is going to share with us because she was diagnosed with cancer since she's been on the Sober Vibes podcast, so Mari comes back to share her story and also, too, on how to stay sober through medical crisis, and I'm just very grateful she said yes when I asked her to come back and share what she's been up to and to about her cancer diagnosis and how she found that out and how she was able to also to maintain her sobriety. I think it's gonna help you out today that continuing to not drink, even if you are through a crisis like this or a crisis in your life, that continuing to not drink alcohol is always the right choice, as always.

Speaker 2: 3:52

I hope you enjoyed this show today. Feel free to reach out to me in my DMs and let me know what you thought. I will connect everything. Same thing with Marnie. Reach out to her too, and I will connect everything in the show notes below. Like I said before, go back and listen to her, because we don't really share, like where I'm like how did you get sober Right, like so that's an episode 12. So re-listen or listen to that one if you're new here. And yeah, I hope you really enjoy this one. Thanks for tuning in. Hey, marnie, welcome to the podcast again. Thanks for having me back. I'm so excited to talk to you today. It's been a long time. It has been a long time and you were first here in. I should say we first talked in 2020, season one of the podcast, like super early in those first couple episodes and we actually talked about housewives and not drinking alcohol?

Speaker 1: 4:49

We did, and that's been a whole evolution there, hasn't it the whole? Bravo, drinking mess.

Speaker 2: 4:56

Yes, but I feel like more and more of those Bravo celebrities are getting sober. I love to see it. I loved on Vanderpump. There was like I don't know how many of them this past season, but I think there was at least three or four who quit drinking this past season, but I think there was at least three or four who quit drinking. Was there really? Yeah, because Lala and then Sandoval quit drinking for a little bit. I don't know if he's back, but he quit drinking during that whole cheating scandal. And then Sheena did too for her mental health.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Wow, and I know we're not here to talk about the housewives today, but I think we need to touch on Kyle and on Beverly Hills and how much crap she got when she quit drinking. That bothered me.

Speaker 2: 5:37

Yeah, that wasn't a good look for those. That was not a good look and I wish they would have. I really was considering of doing like when I was like Instagram reels with like the backdrop of like that whole scene, but I was like, no, I'm not even going to bother because it was just a poor taste, but that would have been a great educational moment for them to have either brought up at the reunion or Kyle, putting them in check, of just being like, just support me.

Speaker 2: 6:06

That's all you got to do. You got to stop questioning this or make it seem like she was going through a midlife crisis.

Speaker 1: 6:11

Yeah right, it was so poorly handled.

Speaker 2: 6:14

But can I just say and I want to know what your opinion is I feel like Kyle in that situation. She quit drinking alcohol, she gained a lot of clarity in her life, she broke some generational patterns and trauma right Like coming from that family that she did. You can see that there's a lot of dysfunction in her family and waking up and I think she was just she was over it Like a lot of people wake up in their sobriety and start saying no to stuff and start fixing their lives. What did you think about that?

Speaker 1: 6:48

I a hundred percent agree and I wish they would have talked more about that a little bit. I don't think she explained much of that very well and my sobriety story comes from AA, alcoholics Anonymous, and so one thing they always said is don't make any major decisions in your first year of sobriety, which totally makes sense, because you kind of have to learn to feel your feelings and like, are these feelings real? And it takes a while to get through that process. But I see that happening a lot, where you're not numbing your feelings and you actually have clarity, clear head and clear mind, clear heart and you're like, holy crap, I'm kind of over this whole situation. So yeah, I can totally see where she's probably put up with some things, maybe in a relationship that she didn't really love for a long time and, like you said, the generational trauma with her family, just kind of dealt with it as best she could and she finally got to a point where it was like, okay, I'm over it.

Speaker 2: 7:41

Yeah, because this is just my assumption and, really listening, I think her mom had addiction issues.

Speaker 1: 7:48

Oh yeah, a hundred percent.

Speaker 2: 7:50

And it will always be, when she said that her mother took her and I think Kim, to studio 54 when they were like. I think she was like 10 or just like nine or 10. I was like, oh, and then I started connecting the dots. I was like, oh, okay, this makes sense then of how those sisters are all with each other and how Kathy's, like Kathy's, the mother figure, because Kathy had to be, yeah, and then how she? Looks at both her sisters more like her daughter.

Speaker 1: 8:22

Yeah well, and I mean alcoholism typically or in a lot of cases, is generational. So when they were dealing with Kim I just figured that was probably the case. It came from somewhere in the family. So I wasn't. I don't think they've ever come out yet and said that her mom had a drinking issue. But that was my assumption. And I mean we all know about Studio 54 and I had assumptions about what went on there. But there's a documentary out about Studio 54 that I watched quite some time ago and it made it even more shocking that her mom took her there. I mean what I thought was going on was nothing compared to what was actually going on. So for her to bring a couple of young kids there was like wow.

Speaker 2: 9:08

Right, like, excuse me, they were doing open, they were doing lines of cocaine just on those tables and there was probably people having sex with one another, like out on the dance floor. So, yeah, that would. That's where it struck me. No, they've never said anything because they are very protective of their mom and two, of how they talk about her they but all those girls too. It was like a love hate. But then it was like mom wouldn't want to be, mom wouldn't want us be due to still be doing this, where it was like still a line of control that the mom had over them and again, all of this is assumption and just based on watching that show since day one, and human psychology.

Speaker 2: 9:49

So yeah, so I am too. Last time when we talked, we said in that I'm pretty sure about how New York at that time there was so much drinking going on. And look at what happened to that one. They got the facelift.

Speaker 1: 10:04

I know, and they needed it so bad it was getting so ugly in so many ways.

Speaker 2: 10:10

You liked what I liked. The new season. Oh yeah, I think they did a good job with that reboot. I will link Marnie's episode in the show notes below, because I don't want to go back into what your Sprite-y story was and all of that, so you guys can re-listen to that episode, or listen to it if you haven't that episode, or listen to it if you haven't. But I want to talk to you about since you were last year. What's happened to you since? What's been going on with you?

Speaker 1: 10:37

Well, we chatted in 2020. And in the fall of 2021, it was November actually I was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Very shocking, I mean. It's probably shocking for anybody to be diagnosed with that, but I was 54 years old and I was in the literal best shape of my entire life. I have never smoked. I had been working out with a personal trainer like three to four times a week for two years. I obviously haven't had a drink in 20 years. I was about as healthy as it gets.

Speaker 1: 11:10

So to get lung cancer was weird. It had metastasized to my brain, which is really how I found out I had lung cancer. I started having paralysis on my right side and so I went through a series of tests. That was what we were focusing on, thinking it was something in my back or you know, but a scan turned up that I had a lung mass. So they figured out that I had lung cancer that had metastasized to my brain. So at that time I kind of shut down. I shut down my blog, I shut down the mocktails. I pretty much decided to focus on my health and recovery and my family.

Speaker 1: 11:44

I'm very lucky in the respect that I have not had chemo. I have not had radiation. I have had brain surgery, but I take a targeted therapy pill every day that basically turns my cancer cells off. So I've been on that medication now for a little over two years and actually have a brain scan tomorrow. My lung scan was last week and there's still nothing there. The lung mass is gone and the brain. I had 15 brain lesions and one very large brain lesion at the time of surgery and those are all gone as well. So I'm just hoping and praying that will be the answer I get tomorrow too.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Yes, and you didn't get the scans back from or the results back from your lung.

Speaker 1: 12:29

The lung. I did get back and that's all good Everything still looks good. They have language that they use in the cancer world is NED or no evidence of disease, and I'm only two and a half years in, so they won't use that, like they won't use the word remission with me, because typically you have to be clear scanned for like five years plus. So right now what they're calling me is stable, okay.

Speaker 2: 12:51

Have they told you, though, how lung cancer would develop in somebody who never smoked? I mean, how does that happen?

Speaker 1: 13:01

It's becoming way more common than it should actually and higher prevalence in women than men. It is just your, it is just yourselves having a mind of their own In some instances, depending on where you live. There's a chemical called radon that can be used in homes. That would cause lung cancer for sure. If you're in an environment where you're inhaling or breathing in any kind of chemicals, obviously that would cause it. But for somebody that hasn't really been exposed to anything like that, it is just your yourselves kind of going haywire, unfortunately, okay, okay so more and more common in women it is becoming more and more common in non-smokers okay any, any.

Speaker 2: 13:44

I don't want to say tips, but, like any, can that? Can women check for themselves? If that's something, how does that?

Speaker 1: 13:52

No. So if you are a smoker or you have, the regulations are a little strange. If you have been a heavy smoker for quite a few years, you are available to have pre-screening done. So your insurance should be able to cover in probably what's going to be a CAT scan CT scan of your thoracic area. If you don't have any reason to believe you have lung cancer you haven't smoked, you haven't been around chemicals, any of those things it would be very difficult at least in Washington state where I live for you to go get a scan and have insurance cover it. So what I encourage people to do is to pay attention. Obviously, it's just so important to have body awareness and really to kind of trust your intuition if you really think something isn't quite right and I preach this a lot.

Speaker 1: 14:36

But I had a cough. For a long time I had a bad cough for I don't know. Probably it was getting really bad for about six months. I had asthma throughout the year. So what would happen is I would get like a cold and it would go to my chest and I would get a cough, and so then I would have a disc inhaler that I would kind of puff on and it would get better. This cough did not get better, but we kind of joked about it. My dad had a cough for 20 years and they never really could diagnose it and his cough was horrible, and so we kind of just laughed. We're like, oh, you got your dad's coughs and fall far from the tree.

Speaker 1: 15:17

And I just sucked on cough drops and dealt with it. I called my primary care physician to get a refill on my inhaler and it was during, obviously kind of still in the COVID time and she said I'll go ahead and refill it this time, but I really need you to go see a pulmonologist. And I was like, oh fine, great, like you can't get in to see a doctor anywhere at any time, I'm going to go see a pulmonologist and he's going to say you have asthma, get an inhaler. So they didn't go, they didn't make the effort. That was in August and November. I found out I had lung cancer. So listen to your doctor, pay attention, have some body awareness. Obviously, if you have a chronic cough for any reason, get that checked.

Speaker 2: 15:59

Yeah, a good guy, friend of mine. I don't know if you can see that picture behind me. That's my friend, richie. He had passed away due to complications of colon cancer. But he said exactly what you said, where he was like listen to your body. He was like I. He said he would. There was, it was a summer, he was having very weird like these hot flashes at nighttime, sweating, and he was like what is going on? And the but that is what he said. He was just like just listen to your body and go get checked out to see what's going on.

Speaker 1: 16:38

When I don't. Obviously I can't speak from a male perspective, but I think as women we just don't want to be high maintenance, we don't. We just want to suck it up and deal with it and I'll get through it, it'll be fine. And I don't want to show up at the doctor's office once a month because my stomach still hurts or I can't get rid of this cough. And I did talk to my pulmonologist.

Speaker 1: 16:53

Actually a few weeks ago I went in to see him and he's a new pulmonologist, so I didn't know him before I had cancer and I said what would you have done? I mean, my doctor referred me to come to a pulmonologist. What would you have done if I had come to see you? Would you have done a CT scan? And he said, probably not, because you're young, you've never smoked, you're not sick. I mean, like there's just. There would be no reason for me to suspect that you had anything other than probably allergies or asthma. So that's their first line of defense that they go for. And I'm like it's just. I wish there was pre-screening. We can get our boobs checked and our colon checked and our prostate checked.

Speaker 2: 17:32

Yeah, I think that's what I was trying to ask you before about like a pre-screening, Right, Because you've got to get your mammogram done every year after turning 40. So it's just now one of those things. But I do agree with you of that. With women, it's like we this might sound silly, but it's like every month we're in pain, right.

Speaker 2: 17:54

And it's just one of those things that has always constantly been dismissed like of where men don't understand how bad PMS and going through that cycle and really only feeling good one to two weeks a month and then, like what you said, it's just like you just don't want to add on to that and you just feel like you should push through, right, you know so, yeah, so that's pretty interesting and insightful of what you just said.

Speaker 1: 18:21

As your friend said too. I mean, many times when you have something like this, the symptoms aren't always what you think they are. I mean, you can have lung cancer and never have a cough in your life. It's just I can't say it enough. It's just so important to know your body and to know what feels normal and what doesn't for you, right.

Speaker 2: 18:38

This is kind of like a slight left from this well, part of this combo. But was that hard for you at that time to shut down the blog and all what you had been doing for mocktails and all of that? Was that hard?

Speaker 1: 18:54

No, a little bit, because the hard part was that I could see progress. I could see things changing. It felt really good to be a part of that and it felt really good to be a positive example of what sobriety looks like for someone. But I didn't. I was getting burnt out kind of on on the whole thing. So it was about time anyway. And now I just get to look back and be so proud that I got to be part of that movement because, honestly, when you and I and Chris Marshall and a few of the others were out there talking about this, there was a handful of us. There was not very many. So to see what's evolved in that world is just makes me so happy. I honestly never thought I would see the day that the beer we have in our house primarily is non-alcoholic beer, or F1 racing would be promoting Heineken Zero. Oh, really Not in a million years did I think that was going to happen.

Speaker 2: 19:52

I got to tell my husband that because the Heineken Zero is his favorite N-A, is it? But it's good. I mean, he's not wrong, but that is like his favorite one. So I got to tell him that this past year in January, clearly the number one beer was an N-A beer, isn't it crazy?

Speaker 1: 20:12

Dry January and dry January. It used to be sober October and dry January, and that what that's just done for that, for the sobriety world, is crazy to me.

Speaker 2: 20:22

Yeah, exactly, I want you to share staying sober through a medical crisis, because I think this is so important for so many people to hear. What would be your tips to share with somebody, or just your insights on how to continue staying sober through that?

Speaker 1: 20:40

my I was 20 plus years sober when I got my diagnosis, so I'm pretty locked in, and one thing that I've learned in sobriety is that I never say never. I I need to be on my toes because you just don't ever know when that moment might arise where you're like, okay, today's the day I'm going to drink again. Fortunately, I feel like I'm kind of past that now, but does that mean it's not going to happen in the future? No, so it's just something I need to be aware of and I don't want to say it was easy to stay sober for me this going through this, but what I will say is that I have learned that I have to face my feelings and feel my feelings, and that's one of the biggest takeaways I've gotten from sobriety is, you know God, I was so young when I got sober Like what was I stuffing? I don't even know.

Speaker 1: 21:27

But I just know that if I don't face my fears and feelings that they're just going to compound and be worse, and I was already about as low as I could get with depression and fear and anxiety that I was afraid to, I just knew I couldn't get any lower and as a mom and a wife and a woman probably. I felt like I needed to put on a brave face for my family. I wanted them to see me handling this with some kind of grace. I didn't want the burden to be on them, but I also wanted to. This doesn't apply to cancer. It applies to everything I wanted, when I get to the end of my life to be able to look back and know that I tried my hardest to make things better for me. And I knew I just knew that drinking was not, that was not going to be an option.

Speaker 2: 22:16

No, because what's it going to do for you at this?

Speaker 1: 22:18

There was no redeemable value in drinking at for any reason that I could come up with. It wouldn't have helped me relax. It wouldn't have given me fake courage. I just don't know what it would have done for me, except if I'm checking all the boxes it would have made almost everything worse.

Speaker 2: 22:36

Right. And two, it just would have made the roller coaster, because I'm sure this has been a roller coaster for you.

Speaker 1: 22:41

I can't imagine.

Speaker 2: 22:42

This has just been like, oh, this is okay, right. Like it's got its ups and downs, where I'm sure there's been parts that you've had to grieve and go through that and be mad, be sad, question why this happened to you and all of that. How has that brought you and your family together even closer? I know you and your family unit are close, but did it bring just that much more love and magic into your family unit? It did my kids are older.

Speaker 1: 23:13

They're 31, 27, and 18. My two girls had to move. My oldest had to move home to help take care of me after I got home from surgery and just so we could kind of all be together to manage the situation. The communication it's helped me with communication, okay good. So we have been closer. We've always been close, but I feel like we're closer now as adults. I have been forced to be able to communicate with them.

Speaker 1: 23:40

My middle daughter said something to me a couple of weeks ago. I actually had a kind of an unexpected trip to the emergency room. It was really kind of no big deal, honestly, but it was the only alternative for care or the only option I had for care at the time, and I kind of played it off because honestly it wasn't a big deal, but I played it off and the kids were texting back and forth and they were like finally, my middle daughter was like mom, you need to realize that we have a mom who has stage four cancer. So anytime something like this happens, it scares us. So I know you're just trying to play it off like it's no big deal, but we need you to just realize that. I was like oh okay, so we have gotten so much better about those kinds of things.

Speaker 1: 24:25

My husband still runs our business and he we works really hard, but he has prioritized our family and time away. So he's taking a lot more time away from the business than he ever used to so he can be with us and that's. I don't know that would have happened so soon if the cancer hadn't come along. I mean, he's only in his 50s and loves his job. I could see him working for a really long time.

Speaker 2: 24:50

So but I always appreciate your honesty when you do explain that. I don't want you guys to think she shares this constantly on her social media because that's not. But you have your sub stack where you do writing about everything. But when you have discussed it in the past couple of years of just your slower mornings and really re-evaluating of what's important and that is family time, when disconnecting and I appreciate that because of what you and I talked about before we started recording of just business and whatnot and now being a mom like that truly is my priority is that time with my family, and it's not about grinding away at work that so many of us get caught up into.

Speaker 1: 25:40

Yeah Well, and I will say too, that just made it easier for me to stay sober during the crisis anyway, because I don't know how many days I have left here on earth, and, honestly, neither do you or anybody else that's listening but is that how? I want to spend it In a stupor, not being present for my kids or my husband, probably saying mean and hurtful things, or who knows? I just was not about to go out like that. Right, right.

Speaker 2: 26:08

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Speaker 2: 27:44

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Speaker 1: 29:10

That's such a good question. Thank you for asking that. Well, it took me a while. I've been bored because I retired when I got my diagnosis from our business that my husband and I had built. Because I retired when I got my diagnosis from our business that my husband and I had built and after 34 years of the hustle the literal hustle and grind being retired was weird. I didn't really know what to do with myself and I don't think we're very good at being bored, especially the social media generation, the kids, all of it. We're just not good at being bored.

Speaker 1: 29:35

I discovered I used to love to write and obviously didn't for a long time, and so I'm back writing again. I started my Substack newsletter. I'm just trying to find some joy in things that I'm curious about in life. I wrote about sobriety for quite a few years on my blog and on Instagram, and then I wrote about cancer for a while, and I'll still write about those things because they are part of my life. But right now I'm just finding the joy in learning how to write again and trying to be better at it and being curious about life.

Speaker 2: 30:08

That's how I do, like Substack, for that it seems like it's given. I mean, just from talking with you, that it's just more freedom, because on social media it's very easy to be put into a box, yes, and then break out of that. That's why, on social media, it's very easy to be put into a box and then break out of that. That's why on social media I've just separated it, like, okay, here's a page for Sober Vibes, because that's what it's almost designed now for. So it's like it's just, it seems, a lot more. The creativity, the creative freedom that you have over there is wonderful.

Speaker 1: 30:44

It's been a really great platform actually. I've enjoyed it way more than I thought I was going to and it feels good to not worry about metrics. I mean, obviously there's metrics over there and now people are popping up with how to grow your sub stack, how to get a hundred subscribers in a week all the things that you would expect but it just I've given myself permission to just write and like what I wrote and publish it and be happy with that, right, and that feels good, not wanting likes. Likes and comments are great, obviously, but right, it has a definitely a different vibe than Instagram does yeah, because there's like there's not that like growth hustle, that growth culture.

Speaker 2: 31:18

And then the viral it never in the past couple years. It's just like viral. It's like it's anybody can go viral. You have the right hook, the right audio, the right message on there, you'll go viral. People will go viral for bullshit stuff where it's just like this is stupid. You know what what I mean. And then these people are getting like attention and where they shouldn't even be getting attention because it's like this isn't even funny.

Speaker 1: 31:46

Yeah, it's so. Yes, well, and I'm maybe you I'd love to know how you feel about this but the whole, I find that our people are stepping away from social media more. Just in the last year I've noticed, I think what's his name, jonathan Haidt I don't know if that's how you say his last name, but he came out with that book, the Anxious Generation, about the kids and what's happened to our kids because of social media, and it's just such an eye-opener. It's unfortunate. I feel like I have a love-hate relationship with it because I feel like you can do some really great things with social media and it's built me a community that I would never have known you ever. So I love that I get to meet these people that I wouldn't meet otherwise. But, dang, it's got a dark side that I just not here for it.

Speaker 2: 32:34

Yeah, I actually do want to read that book because somehow my algorithm caught me where you were probably liking something and then it sent it to me, right. So I did see that about that book he wrote. So I do want to read that and within the period of time of seeing that. There, I know you, like Chalene Johnson, I'm in her Patreon and she did this. Rachel Hollis deep dive yes, did you listen to that.

Speaker 1: 33:00

I did Every episode. I could not wait for the episodes to come out. It was so good.

Speaker 2: 33:10

Right. So I have episode 12. I got to listen to it because I've been listening to stuff like that more for fun while doing the dishes, but so that, and then also to issues, but so that, and then also too, since my little dictator was born, I've always had this like, do I put them on social media, do I not Right? And I was really good in the beginning, and then this last year I it's like I let, I just was loose with it. I am just like, okay, whatever. And then so, listening to that, seeing that book just being creeped out by creepers, I'm like I won't post his face anymore If it will be blurbed out or an emoji con, because. And then I saw this other chick saying she was just like it was a business coach and she's like I'm not posting my kids on here anymore. And it really is. It's the social media and the internet. It's just a wild place. I love it, but, like you, it's just it's then there's a darkness to it.

Speaker 1: 34:07

Yeah, I would love to listen to a podcast about staying sober or being sober in the social media generation, because this there was no social media, there was no internet when I got sober. So I remember I had a podcast interview with Deb Podlogger from Mocktail Mom and we were just talking about dumb things that you did sober and she's like, well, what about drunk online shopping? Or when you're drunk and you're commenting on people's social media, I'm like I didn't do any of that. Thank God there was no social media, but I don't know what it's like now to try and get sober with social media.

Speaker 2: 34:41

It's got to be difficult yes, well, I've lately because of I've had a lot more posts again. It's the algorithm go viral, right. And I've gotten in the past month a lot more of just dumb dicks commenting like nobody cares that you get sober, or like who needs sobriety. Give me my fifth of Captain Morgan's with, like, cheersing emoji cons. Just stupidity from morons, right.

Speaker 2: 35:12

But I did make a post yesterday because I was like I have had it. There was like a guy posted and he caught me on my first day of my cycle. I'm like, fuck this. And I said in this post and I do believe this, it's like you can say this to me because I don't let the comments affect me.

Speaker 2: 35:30

A year ago I stopped with being in the comment section. I'm like, but God bless if somebody was sharing their journey and they were 30, 60, 90 days in and you have some moron just thinking that he or she are so funny by dropping this on somebody's page. It's like that can seriously do damage to somebody. So the point of the post was just like be kind with your words, you don't understand what people are going through behind this. Be kind with your words Like you don't understand what people are going through behind this.

Speaker 2: 36:01

But I honestly, even though I shared my journey on social media, 30 days in and shared, it, is such a different beast now where, for people who share their journey, I say just be cautious of that, because if you have a slip, then you feel like you have to be accountable to the world. And I was caught up in that when I was doing Beachbody coaching. I felt at a point and that's why I had to stop doing it, because I'm like I feel like if I eat ice cream, I'm you know what I mean Like that I'm not holding myself. Or if I don't look a certain way, then it's like why am I being a health coach, right? Yes, so it can play with. I think it can play with your mind a lot and then starting to seek validation dopamine hit from the likes and the comments.

Speaker 1: 36:52

Yes, unhealthy in all regards, but definitely with sobriety.

Speaker 1: 36:55

But definitely with sobriety.

Speaker 1: 36:56

And I feel like when you first get sober, you're so raw anyway that to be able to try and have thick enough skin to get through a comment that may or may not be inappropriate, maybe somebody's just said something that didn't come out quite right when it just I don't know that I could have done it, it would have been very difficult, very difficult.

Speaker 1: 37:35

Yes, exactly, because, again, it's just such a different beast. You don't tell anybody you're there, but when you're in those rooms it's such a wonderful place to be able to share your story and hear other stories and hashtag me too. So to be on social media and to see people talking about sobriety and just being very honest about where they are, I think is amazing because, gosh, that not everybody knows the first step they need to take to get sober. And maybe it's not AA, maybe it's rehab or maybe it's online coaching, I don't even know but to be able to hear somebody else share their story just for me would have gone a really long ways. I will say that is a really positive thing that I see in sober social, but I don't know that I would have had a thick enough skin to survive.

Speaker 2: 38:20

No, but you know what I love hearing that from you because I've heard a lot of other women also too where they that's where AA was, where they got sober right and then they had they were like conflicted, not saying you were conflicted, but then they were conflicted to be like, oh. People are then seeing what happened on social media, like, oh, you can talk about this yeah and it's okay.

Speaker 2: 38:46

So it that is. It's an interesting perspective because it is true, like still to this day, I had a national sober day. I'll get somebody who's like where's the humility in this? It's like we are in 20, like last year or two years ago. A guy said it and I'm just like dude, it's not that type of program anymore. It's okay, right. This is to bring awareness for the good of everybody who has been sober or impacted by addiction. All of that. These are good things that are happening, so nobody has to. We don't have to hide anymore, and if you want to, that's fine too, no problem.

Speaker 1: 39:29

But it's just, the rules have changed For sure People are like that with cancer too, are they? A lot of people won't talk about it. When I got my diagnosis, I had a few people that I'd known for a long time. We, I got my diagnosis, I had a few people that I'd known for a long time We've been acquaintances, our kids played sports together and whatever had messaged me and say that they had cancer or they're in remission or whatever, and I'm like I had no idea. It's a little bit like that too. It's just it's intimate and personal and not everybody wants to share and that's great, right, right. But if I can get you to go to the doctor because you have a bad cough, then I will continue to do that.

Speaker 2: 40:02

Yeah, bad cough, or definitely those night chills my pal was talking about and he said the same thing. I asked him because we were both a couple years in and I said are there times you ever think about drinking during this? And still to this day, like his answer is always in my head of where he's like hell, no. And that's what he responded. He was like hell no, because what is that going to solve for me? Nothing Right. And two he added onto that that sobriety was one of the proudest things he ever did for himself. Like he was so proud of it and that's just a hell. No, it's not going to solve anything in a medical crisis and it's just going to make it a thousand times worse.

Speaker 1: 40:45

It's not. It wasn't even a question for me. And when you're dealing with something like cancer, we have a fight ahead of you, regardless of what your treatment is going to be. So you're putting yourself behind, You're not helping your body be strong and capable to fight this fight. You're already, you've already set yourself back and I, just like you said, there's just nothing. There was no possible way this was going to solve any problem for me here, and I feel like that's. If you just ask that question whether you're getting a divorce or losing your job or whatever your crisis is to speak of, and you feel like you want to drink, like, just ask that question, how is this going to help me?

Speaker 2: 41:28

Yeah, right, because when you ask that question, the answer is like nothing, not. It's not no, stolen, no, and that's too like well, that's where a lot of, when you've done a lot of work too on yourself of just like you know that because it's just the maturity that has caught up with you in the years you haven't drank. It's just like this is just going to lead down a path or it's going to lead me to feeling like complete garbage tomorrow and I don't even want to waste another day. Yep, that's exactly it. So where can the good people of the world find you?

Speaker 1: 42:00

They can find me on Instagram at Marnie Ray C, and then I'm over on Substack Marnie Ray.

Speaker 2: 42:07

Okay and then. But the website's completely shut down or you have your own blog is up still.

Speaker 1: 42:12

I mean, it's been revamped and it's at Marnie raycom and some of my mocktail recipes are still on there, and we do still talk about sobriety but we talk about and just for new listeners of this podcast, marnie also founded national mocktail week I did.

Speaker 2: 42:27

By the way, you need to get in that clubhouse this year. You've got to get on there for national mocktail week in the clubhouse. Watch what happens happens live.

Speaker 1: 42:38

Oh, I know We've been saying that since day one Right.

Speaker 2: 42:43

But when Cohen did you guys? I mean I about died. When you sent me that I was like I was crying because I was so happy for you that this was recognized in the Watch what Happens Live clubhouse and yes, we got to get you on there.

Speaker 1: 42:58

I mean, maybe my standards- are low but that was huge. And my friend Heidi, she was kind of my co-pilot during the mock setting up my blog and just helping me with that whole process and she's a huge Bravo fan too. We were like, oh my.

Speaker 2: 43:13

God and they did it the whole week. They did it for the four or five tapings that they did. It was, he acknowledged, national Mocktail Week. They had a mocktail at the bar. I think that was fantastic and that's where this is again what you have started and were a part of and are still a part of that. That's where that has gone and recognized.

Speaker 1: 43:39

I'm glad you reminded me of that. I need to start sending emails.

Speaker 2: 43:42

No, you need to start like now. Well, they're on a slower break no, a couple weeks, but send that in June and start getting it, because I'm sure that is booked out. Or listeners if you know anybody in the production side of watch what happens live, please reach out to marnie so she can get on the show as a bartender for national mocktail week I was just gonna say, if your listeners have any intel yes, please reach out.

Speaker 2: 44:12

Would you ever go to bravo con? I don't know. Well, it's in ve of 2025 and I'm really going to try to go. Are you going to go? Okay?

Speaker 1: 44:23

Well then, if you go, we have to coordinate, so I can at least see you there. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 2: 44:26

All right, well, I will put all of your information in the show notes below. Thank you so much for coming back for season five and sharing your wisdom with the good people of the world. Thank you for having me. Thank you.