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Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about life without alcohol, the Sober Vibes Podcast delivers the support, insights, and encouragement you need.
Join a like-minded community and discover how sobriety can unlock a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Don’t just get sober—let’s thrive together!
Sober Vibes Podcast
LOTE: How to Overcome Resentments
Episode 186: LOTE: How to Overcome Resentments
In episode 186 of the Sober Vibes podcast, it's LOTE week, which means the Elledge sisters are coming at you hot with a new show episode within a show.
Courtney and Kim talked today about resentments and how to overcome them. It's a process that requires patience.
What you will learn in the episode:
- Resentments
- How to Overcome Them
- Having patience in your recovery journey
Thank you for listening.
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This is Courtney. This is Kimberly. You are listening to the show within the show. Living on the L-Edge. Come live with us.
Speaker 2:We're talking about the road to recovery and sobriety and how to vibe and maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Speaker 1:Hey, welcome to an episode of L-O-T-E. If you're like what is L-O-T-E, Don't worry, this is still the Sober Vibes podcast. We're just the show within the show. You are listening to episode 186. Happy first day of August, Kim. You love a new month. You love the first day of a new month.
Speaker 2:I do, I do all my rituals on the first day of a new month. I do, I do all my uh rituals on the first first day of the month. I stage my house and then I take a big, heaping pile of cinnamon and I blow it in my front door it almost sounded like you were gonna say a heaping pile of shit say I just take a heaping pile of shit. Oh no, I do that at the end of the month when I know I have to pay my rent.
Speaker 1:Oh man, yeah, you do do the rituals and I like it. Yeah, I love a new month. A new month. You were not present in the month of July on the podcast. You had a back injury, so how are you feeling?
Speaker 2:I am feeling much better. You guys, I am older now, so 44 years old, and the service industry and that sciatic nerve are a wild thing. So my sciatic was acting up the past couple of weeks so I was laid out. It really was not fun, but I had to get ahead of it. I had texted my sister, I texted Courtney and I said, oh, my sciatic, because she has the same problem. And I was standing at work and my leg just gave out. I looked like I was doing the stanky leg, like insane. My coworker he was standing next to me goes. What the fuck was that? I was like, oh no. I was like this is not good. He's like no, it's not. He's like you look like you're going through something. I was like my sciatic nerve. I was like this is the beginning of the end.
Speaker 1:Your knee buckle. Nothing worse is when the old knee buckles Right. A tray of drinks and you have to just stand there. Yeah, it's not fun, it's not a good time. Well, I'm glad you're back is better. I'm glad you're back on the pod. I think the last time we talked that's when we were talking that shit about Kevin Spacey. I think that that was our last conversation on this podcast.
Speaker 2:I think it was too. That was a little bit ago. So living on the L edge, we're back. Hello, good people. Hope everyone's doing good out there, staying healthy, living their best lives, or at least trying, at least trying.
Speaker 1:Yep, and remember it's a new new month today. I think last time we talked I told you I was not gonna watch that carter documentary about that aaron carter and I did. I couldn't help myself. Oh, what was that? On that one's on hbo slash max, and he's just, he's like a, he's a weasel, he's gross, but you, but you always like caught. I always caught that vibe with him. And then, same thing we haven't talked about this. There's a lot of pop culture we have not talked about. I would like to take, though, a moment of silence for Shannon Doherty, who passed away. I haven't been able to do that on my past couple podcasts because I thought it would be appropriate to do with you because you knew how much I loved 90210 and her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you really did. You are a fan I mean, I like 90210, but I feel like you've really taken it into your adulthood, Like you'll rewatch shows of it.
Speaker 1:Well, I did. When Luke Perry passed away, it was like a mourning process, and I'm about to do the same thing with Brenda. So it's just, it was sad. And her podcast, the one that I listened to this year like trying coming out of my burnout, where I was like when she released that, I was like, oh my God, thank God, cause I just think that out of a lot of celebrities, not all of them get it right.
Speaker 1:And she got it right because she stayed quiet for a lot of years and never addressed anything in the press, and so then she had that podcast and was able to clear things up and sharing about her cancer journey and she talked a lot about death in there and I just, I'm still, I'm bummed. Yeah, she was ready to go, she was ready to go. She she also, too, had went through a lot of treatments for for cancer and I mean this is what I love, though that woman had a list of people she did not want at her funeral. I love that. I love it too because it's just like she's like yeah, no, and she was saying it on the podcast. She was like they'll show up for the wrong reasons.
Speaker 2:She has like a bouncer at her funeral.
Speaker 1:Checking in names, man, I think that's amazing. Rest in peace, rest in peace, all right. The other thing we haven't talked well, we didn't talk about too. But going back to Nick Carter, then Justin Timberlake got his DUI, and I have always felt like he was weasel too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's something off with him. I think he's an asshole.
Speaker 1:An asshole.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think he's an asshole, but yeah, he didn't look good in his mugshot, I mean. But who does? Mine are atrocious, especially that last one, fucking hell.
Speaker 1:Bloody hell. Well, yeah, but then he was saying too yeah, but I know he took the time. There's this chick that I follow on Insta and she talks that she's in PR and so when that happened, she came out and she predicted it. She goes, he will wait till his concert to address it and let all of his fans take that press. And that is what he fucking did. Yeah, he's smart, yeah, but he said that he only had one, martini.
Speaker 2:But his eyes, His eyes, look like he had a martini and an eight ball up his asshole Like he was fucking tooted and booted ready to go. I know those eyes. I know those googly moogly's. I've had those eyes.
Speaker 1:I know those googly, moogly. I've had those eyes, oh man. Well, and then in my detective work and there's a pal of mine on Instagram. She did detective work too, and he has talked about a drinking problem throughout the media of where he has turned to alcohol, to cope and drinking too much, so he has discussed this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean I could do without Justin Timberlake. I don't really give a shit.
Speaker 1:Well, that concert we went to right before, remember that was a good show. That was a good show. That Justified was a great album, One of the greatest albums. But when we went right before he got big, when he was doing his solo, that was a great, great show that we did.
Speaker 2:What do you mean before he got big? He was big, he was in NSYNC, I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:It was like the start of that Justified when he went out on his solo, solo tour.
Speaker 2:When did we go? To that concert.
Speaker 1:We went to where your ex worked at it was the state, remember, I'm saying like before he started doing arenas, like where we saw him at that small venue and it was fucking good. Yeah, cameron Diaz was there backstage and it was fucking good. Yeah, cameron Diaz was there backstage. Yeah, like when I'm talking about before, when it was just him and there was not the big production, and that is what I like to see. I like to see these people just playing music and there's no fucking dancing. Who did we go with? It was me, you. I think Pam was with us, katie must have been probably with you. There was kind of a big group of us because of your ex working at those venues, of getting us in for free.
Speaker 2:Always on the guest list.
Speaker 1:We were on the guest list with a wristband man. He hated us, but I don't understand why he gave us those wristbands to drink all we could drink.
Speaker 2:Did we get fucked up? I'm sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I definitely did not black out because I remember that concert Like we had a good time. There was no craziness. Well, at least on my end. There was no craziness from moi, because I think you put the fear in me of being like you. Better behave. Meanwhile. I look over and your eyes are crossed.
Speaker 2:I'm backstage motorboating Cameron Diaz. Oh yeah, anytime he would fucking guest list us for an event. I would get like a fucking 30-minute speech of how I better not fuck up. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I did not.
Speaker 1:I know, that's what I'm saying. He kept giving us the list in the wristband for drinks. No, I think it was drink tickets, because I mean, we're talking like 20 something years ago. I think it was drink tickets he used to give us. Yeah, it was those drink tickets. Like you fucking like won a child's prize, all those tickets that you turn in yep so that's what it was there was always drink tickets yeah, that documentary for the good people out there.
Speaker 1:It was disturbing and just creepy so I don't recommend. But not as creepy as that spacey one who ruined, who ruined that war movie for me.
Speaker 2:So he sure did son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch. What's going on with?
Speaker 1:you, sister, just living the dream over here? Oh, I mean not much, just prepping for Dictator to go to preschool in the fall time. He's ready with his backpack, he is ready for his backpack. It's honestly been a little bit of a transition for the past couple months of just of him almost three and I'm just trying to enjoy the summer and be outside as much as possible before the winter approaches us, sister.
Speaker 2:You guys got to come swimming soon.
Speaker 1:I know we will That'll be fun. Do you have to work on Saturday?
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, we can talk these plans off air.
Speaker 1:That's true. Sorry, I got lost there for a minute. I mean, I don't know, just on the motherhood side, feeling like trying to get everything. It's very hard. It's very hard balancing work life and motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. And so I am excited for him to go to preschool, and then I'm excited for myself to have two solid days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I called good people. I called my sister the other day on the FaceTime and she's sitting in her office and she was mouth breathing just staring at the wall. I was like oh my God, I was like I could tell on her face. And when Courtney gets like overwhelmed she can't put her words together. She's like a simple dance sometimes. So she poor little thing was having a moment. She's good now. I was like girl, go get yourself a pedicure. Yes, go relax.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah and that's. But here's the thing, like and this is what I don't do anymore, I don't spiral because that is a trauma response and it's taken a lot of work to get here. It was just an overwhelming moment that I had for a couple hours and I don't know. After like three hours I was like, okay, it's all going to be okay, it's all going to work itself out. And then that's when you were like you'll have time here in September.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'll have time. You'll have time to get it together.
Speaker 1:Right. So he's turning three, so there's been some issues with his naps and him, I think he's starting to drop that nap. And then what do you do with a child all day once they stop sleeping?
Speaker 2:And then like what do you do with a?
Speaker 1:child all day. Once they stop sleeping, I don't know, I don't have to worry, I don't know. Oh man, good people, if you can slide into my Sober Vibes DM and let me know what you do with your little tater tots all day when they stop taking that nap, because I'm really going to try out hold out for that nap as long as possible, if it's just an hour, because he will nap at preschool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just let me know what you do with these, these little guys. You're gonna have to come up with something, I know, because the dictator likes to be entertained.
Speaker 1:He does like to be entertained. I mean, he likes to be, he likes to be entertained. But I'm trying to also like today he kept being. He was like I want to go to Lowe's. When he got up from his nap he's like I want to go to Lowe's. Him and his dad go to Lowe's all the time. And then I was like no, we don't need anything at Lowe's. And then he's like I want to go to Meyers.
Speaker 2:I said I know you want to teach him how to be bored. Yeah, and it's going to be present, not always be on the go. Go, go, go go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I've. I mean, I just I want him to have an adjusted nervous system and I want him to be comfortable in his own skin and I want to try to raise a 80s slash 90s child with some parameters. Yeah, like, obviously we know nowadays kids can't just be out and about by themselves like we were Some supervision, right, like. So I just, but I just want to like the outside, which he loves being outside. So I'm very grateful for that which he loves being outside, so I'm very grateful for that.
Speaker 2:And being bored? Has he drank water out of the hose yet?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he does that because we brought that splash pad from Costco, so he does that when I let him drink the water at swim class out of the water fountain. He loves doing that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get him on that hose water, I will I I preserved your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, and even to going back to trying to raise like an 80s, 90s child. I like even the television. I have cut that, the specific show, because, kim, these fucking shows, I'm like in fuck, they're so quick and they're so stimulated. Where I was watching one the other day with him I was like fuck, no, we are turning this off. Like no, this is too much, too much. Where is Sesame Street? And like, no, I just give him Sesame Street, miss Rachel and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the classics, those all sound good, right, like he even likes the Mickey Mouse Club, like the black and white one from the 50s, but like this is all stuff that is not like it's too much, it's just too much. These shows, yeah, what were you watching? It was like a Lego thing. That was like I'm'm like, am I high right now? It's. This is jarring, like it's just the flashing lights and all of that. And I forget who. I think I was listening to somebody on an interview or talking with somebody I don't know, but they were talking about how it is very hard for them to like watch shows from the past up until a certain point, because these shows were a lot slower and not so overstimulating. So if you see in the past couple of years how quick things go, it's so true, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I haven't watched really any new cartoons or anything.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not just talking about cartoons, I'm just like even dramas and how shows are made. Now it's very quick and stimulating and a lot goes on in these shows, right, which I finished. That's why we just stick it to our housewives. The housewives, and again a 90210 rewatch party. Right, did you finish the Gyllenhaal show? Mm-hmm? And the Housewives.
Speaker 2:And again a 90210 rewatch party Right? Did you finish the Gyllenhaal show? Mm-hmm, and I liked it. I did too. Gyllenhaal was kind of a sociopath in that.
Speaker 1:He really was. He really was. If you guys don't know what we're talking about, we are talking about Presumed Innocent on Apple TV. We will not spoil anything but Gyllenhaal, really he was like disconnected.
Speaker 2:He was detached from that role he was. But I will spoil one thing If anyone thinks Jake Gyllenhaal is a looker, this man fucks in this series Like it. His body is on point and gyllenhaal is out here fucking people yeah, gyllenhaal he really does. I was. I was entertained. Yeah, I took my sister at night. I said, oh my gyllenhaal fucks in this show. What in the hell Right?
Speaker 1:Gyllenhaal likes some sex in this show, that's for sure, and he's not afraid to show it.
Speaker 2:No, he wasn't, and I wasn't afraid to watch.
Speaker 1:So that is our TV recommendation for the good people of the world Presumed Innocent on Apple TV.
Speaker 2:I hope Chinny, our podcast editor, is laughing at that one yeah, sorry, chinny, all right, you should watch it, everyone should watch it yeah, it's a good.
Speaker 1:It was a good show. It honestly yeah. But you know why it was good show? Because the creator of that is a fucking television genius who oh my God, what is his name?
Speaker 2:He's married to Michelle David E Kelly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, married to Michelle Pfeiffer, and he knocks out bangers. He does knock out bangers, right, so he does good. So there will be a season two of this show, but it's a different storyline, which I like. That too, yeah, me too. All right, so that's enough about pop culture and what we've been doing. I had somebody ask about resentments on my Q&A on Mondays on Sober Vibes Instagram stories and I thought that that was a good one for you and I to cover, and I thought that that was a good one for you and I to cover Little resentments.
Speaker 2:And the question was asked of, like, how do I get over resentments? Resentments are tough, man. Resentments are tough Because I mean, like in your daily life you can be like resentful about it. It depends on how I feel, like emotionally healed you are, and emotional, how much emotional intelligence you have to be able to like understand that you are resentful of something. But yeah, holding on to like a resentment, I just one.
Speaker 2:I think getting over things and being resentful it takes time. It also takes a lot of forgiveness and being resentful it takes time, it also takes a lot of forgiveness. But if you stay stuck in that resentment, I mean I just don't see it really being a healthy place for people at all Because you're really just hurting yourself and your own growth. But resentments are tough because someone did you dirty, or your parents who raised like away and they just weren't. They did some foul shit, or your friend fucked you over or you got a shitty boss. Like those resentments can keep you stuck in just like a negative headspace and they're not good. But resentments I've definitely been stuck in a space with resentment. Took me a long, long time to get over some resentments.
Speaker 2:But when Courtney said that this is what we were talking about.
Speaker 2:I was like trying to really think like am I resentful about anything?
Speaker 2:And I am really not right now I'm cannot be bothered, like because I also come to a place where it's like how people are and I have to take my ego out of it.
Speaker 2:What I think they did to me, like yeah, bad shit happens and stuff, but I just like now I'm at the place in my life I let go of the saying let go, let God, I believe in that Like and I can only control myself and how somebody is doing me. It's my decision whether I keep that relationship going in my life or I fucking let it go and just keep it pushing, but I don't know. Then I also got to think it's like okay, well, did you really feel this and go through this? Are you like disassociating? And then I kind of get into like a spiral, like cause I've tried to do all the healthy avenues of like getting over something, but yeah, I really can't be bothered. And now I just am in a space where I wouldn't really I don't really allow people in my life who would ever make me resentful towards them, because we hold pretty strong boundaries now strong boundaries now?
Speaker 1:Yes, and I want to add this in but because I know the person who asked me this in that person's timeline of their sobriety and healing journey. It takes fucking time. It takes time and those resentments aren't going to be gone that first year Because, again, you're many years into this I am myself many years as well, and if there weren't boundaries that were set in place, then you get hard on yourself, being like oh okay, I allowed this right, so it is a healing process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100% is. I think the last person who I was resentful with was actually myself for letting shit go too long and missed opportunities. Like it wasn't like regret, it was more like God damn bitch, like you're smart, you know better, but you just weren't in a healthy place and couldn't really help even yourself at the time. So there's layers to this shit, but it definitely is time. It's a lot of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's a lot of processing, even. That's why journaling if you just want to write out those resentments and just start with one person what is your resentment to? What is it? What is it, who's it towards? Write that out, right, like, write that out and then in that process of writing, you're actually probably going to figure out that it was something that totally had, it was something else, that there was a bigger picture underneath that surface.
Speaker 2:yeah, because and and that's part of the healing, this is part of the recovery process yeah, but resentments, I feel like that just like keeps you just in a very stagnant, negative place. I mean, some people deserve like it's like, but I just feel like the resentments just really more like hurts you than you like throwing negative energy or shade or being mad at someone or fucking hating someone, like just make them just a non-factor in your life and surround yourself with people who aren't gonna treat you the way of why you're being resentful. And that's a learning process too. I mean that takes a fucking long time. So it's just the kind of quality of people you want around you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm gonna say this too, because if you're resentful towards your partner in that first year, you really need to make it through a first year before you make any decisions on what. Because it could have been resentful towards a partner who did a person wrong for so many years, right, and then it's like then you need to figure out where you want to go with that, because sometimes if you've been done wrong by a person that you are in a romantic relationship with, especially sometimes, it's just there's no healing that's going to work towards that.
Speaker 2:No, not at all, and whatever they do is just going to trigger you and take you back to that place. Or I mean, it depends on the kind of type of partner that you have too. So if you have a partner who wants to help you get through like the healing and wants to work on it and actually like wants to get on the level of healing and moving forward, then yes. But if you have a partner who keeps doing the same shit over and over and won't ever allow you to heal or take accountability like my last relationship, I had fucking tons of resentments because. But then at a point it came to it's like okay, it's the same thing over and over and over.
Speaker 2:And now I have to look at myself as to why I'm allowing this Like. So it's like I stopped being resentful towards him and more like I kind of wasn't the best, but I kind of turned it inward and was like what is actually wrong with me? Why I keep getting on the carousel, getting on the fucking crazy train, yeah, so I like turned in myself, but then I like worked all that out, so I got over it. I'm not resentful, do I like that piece of shit? No, but no, we hate that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Son of a bitch.
Speaker 2:I mean I'll talk some shit, but does it take up any more after, like getting all the way past it, like I could fucking care less, like nothing. It doesn't affect me because I know he is just the same, same, same, like same. I'm not resentful at all and have a clean heart and whatever Say. I wish him the best, but he's a fucking demon. Nothing good's gonna come to him, so it's like it is what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right. And if anybody is like, hates a strong word, no, I really, I really strongly dislike that guy. I strongly dislike that POS.
Speaker 2:Fucking demon trash.
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Speaker 1:As a Sober Vibes listener. Use code SV20 at checkout for 20% off your order at exactnaturecom. That's exactnaturecom and, as always, I will put the link in the show notes below. I have been using Exact Nature for, I think at this point, a year and a half, maybe almost two years, for a long time. I use it every day and it has by far helped me with my mood. Again, exactnaturecom Enjoy. I strongly dislike that POS. I strongly dislike that POS.
Speaker 2:Fucking demon trash Right.
Speaker 1:And then there's just some people who are fucking shitbags in life and their karma will always come, and some people's karma is just being themselves in their own fucking skin. That is some people's karma.
Speaker 2:I agree with it because it's got to be a miserable existence, like miserable.
Speaker 1:Right, just a phony, miserable, awful human beings and they get what's coming. And especially too, I will say this, and because I saw it for so many years and you have too and of the like, the ultimate bachelor right, who had chicks all around all the time, didn't want to be a relationship with sitting at the bar drinking. And then they're like 60 years old and they're fucking alone. Yeah, they are alone because they used and abused women, got their sores and they're alone, having a lot of regrets in life. So your ex sob is gonna have a lot of regrets when he hits a certain age and stuff starts to fade and starts to not work anymore yeah, correct.
Speaker 2:So life will be lifing and that's how it is with people who don't have bad intentions and don't do right by people. So you can't really just keep going and lying and scheming and this is anyone in life and just keep running, running, running and just not have any good in your heart for anyone. Or like try like try to even be better, like it's a process, but to not even try, like that's just like it's such a waste, but you definitely can just be out here fucking good people over. Yeah, that does not work.
Speaker 2:I mean, in my act of addiction, like I don't think I ever fucked anyone over, I think like trying to think Like I was never, like I was not like maniacal in my ways, like yeah, did I not show up, did I not? But I don't know, I was pretty like transparent with where I was at in life and I just, even in my active addiction, I still like tried to be a good person. It just I would always fuck myself up, just like using, and then I would like I'd take 10 steps back and but I always, always, always wanted, I was always trying because I knew like how capable I was to just like be out here and be good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think too, if you are a good person which I know that the listeners are that you you gotta take, because, listen, at the end of the day, the addiction isn't you right like it. Yeah, it's a part of you, but it's not who you are at the core, and I think that that's where people need to be more forgiving of themselves. It's like at was sober, I didn't fucking hate people, I didn't want to throw patio furniture at people or tell them I wanted to fucking kill them. Like that wasn't me at the core.
Speaker 1:That is something that happens to a lot of people when drugs and alcohol come involved and you're trying to survive and then feelings, suppressed emotions, come out. Because I don't believe that, like I'm not a believer of you tell the truth when you're drunk. I think that suppressed emotions of not knowing how, never having the tools to properly deal with trauma, emotional trauma, physical trauma, all of it, and it just suppress, suppress, suppress, and it's a pressure cooker, and then it comes out when you're fucking in a complete blackout, hammered. So I just think that if you are a good person, you know a lot more forgiveness of yourself and active addiction. Oh yeah, because that wasn't you.
Speaker 2:No, I've forgiven myself. I mean it's all good in the hood baby. Well, no, I've forgiven myself. I mean it's all good in the hood baby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know you've forgiven yourself. I was talking more to the good people.
Speaker 2:No, I know I mean, but it takes a long time because I hated myself for a long time.
Speaker 1:When you got out of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just like what the fuck out of? Yeah, I was just like what the fuck? It was just like a 25, 26 years of fucking madness and it just came to and it's like. It's like. It just felt like it was just such wasted time, like missed opportunity, and and then I was like on paper again with the courts and it was just like just disappointing. And here's my thing too.
Speaker 2:I said this to my therapist when I got out. I said I was like if I came up dead in a ditch or fucking wherever I was, like it would not shock people. I was like it wouldn't shock people and I don't want that to be my story. You know, I was like so I got, I got to change. Or me being going to prison would not shock people. Like oh, has anyone seen Kimberly? Like no, she's in the fucking joint doing 10 for whatever the fuck like it. Just it wouldn't shock people. So I didn't want to like be that statistic or be that story, because I don't. I don't want to prove people right, I want to prove them wrong and just like switch it up. So I just remember like also, that was like a thing like I don't want to be another statistic like because there's only two ways I'm going out, it's going to the cosmos. Pick one.
Speaker 1:What in the world is the Huska the?
Speaker 2:Huska the joint, oh, the Huska the pen, the big house, the yard. Bob Barker's money train, yeah, bob Barker's money train. Yeah, bob Barker's money train with his fucking commissary Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:Oh man, okay, yeah, but isn't that that that's usually where I mean? I mean that's what happens. And I think lately, lately, more and more, of of where people end going, because it's easy sometimes for me to forget it's sometimes easy for me to forget, because I'm almost at 12 years, of how far this actually can take people, because I'm not living it every day like I used to, right, and so, as of late, of just some certain stories that I've heard, it's like it is, it's really, really true of where fucking people end up going with addiction, and it's either to fucking Husqvarna, like Kim the Husqvarna, or it's death, and it is very serious when it comes to addiction. And it is very serious when it comes to addiction. That's why I'm a strong advocate of like, just you got to do whatever you have to do to not drink alcohol or do drugs that day Because you don't, and especially too now as Kim and I. Well, kim's more in her, more towards her later 40s. I'm still in my early 40s.
Speaker 2:Courtney, fuck you. I am 44. I'm not after 45. I don't even give a shit. For me, every day is a gift. I shouldn't even be here Like we're good. If I make it to 45, I'm happy, like we did this shit Right. Oh well, no, 45, are you nuts? But I'm just saying it's like listen there, it was a lot of reckless years, man, where I don't. Some mornings I woke up and I don't even know how. I made it Like like holy shit. So I live every day Like God. I shouldn't even fucking be here, but I am for some reason. Now I'm trying to make the best of it and be like a civilized human being and sometimes pretty boring, but not going to lie. But I was like it's better than the alternative and the moving and the shaking and the fucking lying and covering my ass and the court cases, because I mean, I was on a court case every year since I was 16 years old.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:There's a lot and that's exhausting and, like the, it's just it was a lot. I mean there were some great times, but it was like for the most part there was it was dark days. Yeah, it was exhausting. It's exhausting thinking about it right now.
Speaker 1:Right, and of course I kid about age. I'm not. I'm not your mom, would your mother would be like that's ageism. It was a joke, like I like to throw the same thing as when I like to make references to you smoking crack in a dumpster. But what I was trying to go at, so now being in our forties, right, and like now we're in just of late, of of people I know of where, for women and Kim actually told me this statistic that women of what did you say like from 40 to 55 is like the age range where they will commit suicide, like the highest right. Yeah, and it's because of fucking peri, menopause and menopause, and so just again lately, of having close friends. I don't having close friends at this age where something traumatic happens and it makes women snap and it's very easy then to just cope with alcohol and then within a very, very short amount of time they lose everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when they have a crippling addiction while going through that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying and it's just like that's where none of us are really safe. And I just like these years. If you are quitting drinking alcohol right now and you're just in your 40s or before, like just do it, even if you're 50-something, just quit drinking alcohol today and live the life that you want to live.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and stay out of those dumpsters with that crack rock man. Shit, Not my finest hour.
Speaker 1:If Kim and I ever do brand photos for this, we're going to do it in a dumpster.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to pop out of a dumpster. Well, I have to fly to Denver. I'm sure the one's still there.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I wish in all my travel I have to fly to Denver. I'm sure the one's still there.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I wish in all my travel I could have got a photo of that. I mean, it was raining. I was being fucking smart, okay, I was being resourceful.
Speaker 1:The best was when Kim's best friend she's kind of soulless, not soulless, she doesn't show a lot of emotions, but when she was fucking crying, she told me she cried at Kim's mugshot. I got to even cry at Kim's mugshot. I'm like, out of all the things, this is what has hit you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that hit her. She was like and then when I talked to her when I got out of jail, she was like got choked up again. I said are you crying? What is happening? She's like it just made me so sad. She's like your eyes and I knew you, knew you fucked up in there and were scared. I was like what is happening? It was like my, my bestie she actually just called me on the FaceTime while we were recording this. She, she's a stone cold killer. She doesn't really process. I mean she has emotions obviously. Like she loves her kids. She's a great mom, like she's been a great friend to me. She's never turned her back on me, not fucking once. And my best friend we had her on the podcast A couple seasons ago, like season two maybe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she is a little more vanilla than me. I was a little more like out there and so she was a little more preppy, I would say, but Katie's never, ever turned her back on me, not ever, once. And and everyone knows that I am her bestie and they just people would never say anything to Katie cause they know she got my back. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean so Katie's crying and I'm asking Kim, like I'm asking Kim from pen pal letters, of what, like the slang is in prison.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Kim gave me education, prison education. I still think you should do stuff for reform for women coming out of prison. Yeah, I think that'd be great for you. Okay. So resentment you just got to take some time, work through it with a therapist, some journal and out. Resentments just have to take time. And then, if it's especially too with people, you got to make the boundaries. Because this is the thing If you don't make the boundaries with people and they keep doing it and doing it, now you're letting them do it and they're going to keep pissing you off because you are allowing that behavior to continue. And the best way is to put boundaries up. It's going to be very uncomfortable at first. The first couple of times it will be uncomfortable, but once you start feeling better and you're not impacted by that continuous, it's almost like PTSD, like, honestly, when you are not affected by that anymore and you start feeling good, then in a new relationship works out with this person, the resentments are going to be able to start kind of dwindling away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and be healed. And I'll say this when it comes to boundaries if you have somebody where you lay down boundaries and they continuously cross them or do the same thing, like that it's so blatantly disrespectful and it just shows that they do not give a fuck about you. They don't give a fuck about your mental health. They don't give a fuck about your, your boundaries. They don't give a fuck about you trying to be better and be healthy and like set boundaries, they don't care. So that that's. And like set boundaries, they don't care. So that's just like shows everything.
Speaker 2:So that's not really a type of person that you would want in your life. I don't Like how dare you? You just keep repeating like the same thing over and over when I'm like you're being very cut and dry and clear in your communication about like what is okay and what's not okay, and it's just like a blatant disregard. It's it's that's abusive, it's abuse. That's not a space that somebody should have the honor of holding in your life. They can go.
Speaker 2:I don't give a fuck if you've known them your whole life or for one minute. Like it's just not someone who's going to add value or support you. And for them to keep crossing boundaries and re-triggering you. It's like and especially when it comes to addicts, because it's like one relapse, one thing you've made it this far but that could be detrimental to your whole life Well, one your life. You go out there, start using again, like it's these, something triggers you and it's like we're only human beings and, yeah, I look at addicts as like really sensitive people and good people, so it's like that's not a safe person for you to have around you yeah.
Speaker 2:I think, we start?
Speaker 1:I need to think we need to start normalizing, just cutting people off, like in a sense, that is, it's like if somebody keeps disrespecting you and not holding up with your boundaries, cut them the fuck out of your life, like you have to. You got to keep yourself safe.
Speaker 2:You got to keep yourself safe and that, just like for me, that looks like someone who's not in your corner and doesn't want you to fucking win. And then you have some fucking blatant, disrespectful asshole just like fucking with you. Like, absolutely not, I don't. They could be your parents, your sibling, your cousin, your aunt, your uncle. Your fucking like any co-workers. Like we're not out here, just fucking with people. It's okay to be like. It doesn't work for me. And you got to go Because and healing and getting on, sometimes like it's a lonely road, like and even like getting over resentments, it's a fucking lonely road and you realize that some people just don't have the place that you thought they did in your life and you start to see things a little more clearly. And, yeah, it's okay to cut people off. I mean, in a sense, sometimes you have to. It's like survival of the fittest out here. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And my sister and I've done that with our parents in different parts where you definitely took a step back. I mean, there has been years of no communication from time to time, and I think it was probably needed at the time.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you're going on, pause, man.
Speaker 1:Well, but you know what? Because lately I've been seeing the holistic psychologist which I'm sure everybody who listens to the show follows. She's starting to talk a lot more which I appreciate about the siblings, of how it's like let's start normalizing how siblings you don't have to get along with your siblings right, like especially to coming from dysfunctional families alcoholism, narcissism, mental health issues. Right, because every child she was saying that when siblings get older it's hard for them to have a relationship or connect. Coming from families like that, because each child experienced a different parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was when you sent me that. I read that I was like Jesus Christ. I know I was spooked. Yeah, you were spooked. I almost spat out my fucking coffee. I was like what is this bitch's problem sending me this kind of fucking realistic shit at 9am in the morning? Good Lord Right.
Speaker 1:But it's so, true, but it is. It's like. I just think that there's like more normalizing of like if that, if a family member like because we were so conditioned of like well, it's family, it's family, it's family, it's like. Go fuck yourselves with the it's family. These people treat me like garbage, like I do. I'm not going to sit here and take abuse just because we're blood.
Speaker 2:These colors don't run.
Speaker 1:No, I thought he said these colors don't. Didn't he say these colors don't bleed, or making a Dog the Bounty Hunter reference?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's true, though, Like just because it's family, it does not mean that you have to stay subscribed to abuse.
Speaker 1:Right, and even Kim and I were even conditioned by our sweet grandmother, who we loved dearly, and I don't know if that was a generation thing or fucking just like her whole, but it was even to. I remember one time when grandma came up and visit and there was issues with mom and I was explaining that to grandma and grandma's like, well, she's your mother. And I was like, but it's not healthy. Like this grandma, it's not healthy, right, like I understand that that's your daughter, but like it's, it's okay to come from a place of. If it's not healthy for you right now, you need to take a pause and sometimes that pause is for ever.
Speaker 1:I had a therapist tell a friend of mine. This therapist had told this friend that because they were talking about their parents and alcoholism came into play and this therapist was like I was a lot happier of a person when my father passed away. Isn't that like holy shit? Yeah, isn't that like holy shit? Yeah, like. But because he was saying like he understood that the father was an alcoholic and like there was never that like that connection and whatever trauma that therapist went through. But I just think that that's a powerful statement.
Speaker 2:It's like you're at peace because your dad's dead that guy must have been a son of a bitch.
Speaker 1:Holy moly, as an older person, that is some people's, and I think you and I have done a pretty good job on this podcast of fucking keeping it real. And here's the thing Some people will not heal from the type of neglect, abuse, their situation that they endured, especially too, if it came from a parent. So those ties won't ever heal and you do the best you can, and so sometimes it's just like, yeah, I'm better off not talking to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we've done a pretty good job too, navigating our parents with both of them and both of their ailments that they suffer from and like growing, like the things that happen, Cause I mean, we could be resentful pricks to our parents. I just I don't have it in me to be that way towards them and at the end of the day, it's like they're human beings and did the best that they could. I don't accept the things, that the treatment, but I know that I know that they they love us, they love their kids, but they just are were incapable in times of making the right decisions, and even into our adulthood, sometimes. Still, I'm like what the fuck is going on with these people side of being with a specific person.
Speaker 1:you're able to see that and you empathize with her. And now I'm able to empathize with her as a mother. Yes, so I like where we're at current with her parents and kind of leaning more with an empathy approach for her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes it's tough for me because mom's like my biggest op sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's tough for me because mom's like my biggest op sometimes. Yeah, she's not nice to me.
Speaker 1:Right, I know, I know, but I think we've done a lot better.
Speaker 2:But we've done a lot. They're lucky that they have kids like us, because we can be like fuck you. But I still show them the utmost respect because they are my parents and God bless them. I love my parents. They're fucking animals.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So if you need to cut people off, cut them off. If you need to make a decision to leave a partner because you're not ever going to really be over those remit sentiments, do it. We support you, except for inflicting harm on a person Okay, we do not support that. Or being mean to animals we don't support that. So, yeah, I think those are, kim and I's, two big boundaries, but we support you making healthy decisions for yourself.
Speaker 2:That's right, we sure do. Yeah, I don't think I've ever gotten physical with really anybody, not a partner. I never have. There was one moment, though, when I did want to burn down that son of a bitch's house and go full. Lisa left eye lopez. I didn't want to go to prison, so I kept it cool. Did she go to prison for that? Did she go to jail for that? Yeah, she lit that fucking mansion on fire in Atlanta, and then her boo-boo came and bailed her out of jail Same day.
Speaker 1:That was another one who was gone too soon. She died in a car accident. Right, yeah, that was sad. If you don't know the reference we are talking about Left Eye from TLC, just wanted to put that out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think they killed her, oh man.
Speaker 1:Conspiracy theories. Yeah, Kim's coming out with her conspiracy theories. Before we got on this podcast, she told me not to whiffle in a fucking forest.
Speaker 2:Good people of the world. The Appalachian Forest. Courtney doesn't know what a skinwalker is. Oh, I don't. I don't sleep at night, so I'm on here watching like shows about fucking like skinwalkers and bigfoot and shit. And so I was telling courtney the if she's ever in the appalachians what not to do. So I she makes fun, but but I'm giving this bitch, I'm putting her on straight game and giving her survival techniques. That's going to save her life.
Speaker 1:Listen, I would never be in the Appalachian this is no shade if you live there or whatnot but there was a time that Matt and I stopped in West Virginia and I was like in West Virginia and I was like, matt, get in the fucking car Like we are out of here, my whole body, physically. We were driving down to our wedding and this was like and this has happened to us twice it was like people under the stairs started coming out of fucking nowhere and I'm like get in the car Like we're we need to.
Speaker 2:No, I know what you're saying Because you remember when I would just hop in my car and drive all over the United States at one point, yes, okay. So there was a lot of weird nights on America's highways. So I was leaving fucking Mount Airy, north Carolina, one time. I think I was driving down New Orleans, I don't know what I was doing, but I picked up a hitchhiker and he wanted to go like down the road. So what, he was, this old man there, no harm Like. This guy looked like he was like about to die. So I knew if anything happened I could take him. So I like let him off and I'm in, ended up in like Virginia, from North Carolina. I was like where the fuck am I? So I had to stop and get gas. So I let the hitchhiker out, whatever. So I'm like in the fucking Appalachian, like weird.
Speaker 2:I get off on this exit. There's like this giant prison and then there's like a street. It's like a gas station and a diner and fucking like I don't know dude, it's just like middle earth, america. But I get out. I have Colorado plates on my car. I'm like covered in fucking tattoos.
Speaker 2:I look like a fucking just. I look like I did not belong, like some city slicker, hipster bullshit. And the way like these people came out of the gas station and then on the sidewalk and everyone was like sitting there staring at me like I was not wanted, all of the arms on my hair stood up and all of the hair on my arms stood up, I'm sorry and I had to fucking hightail it out of there. Yeah, it was a vibe I did not like and that was like back when I was like younger, a little bit fearless, like didn't give a shit, like I felt I feel safer in the fucking hood, like in the projects that I did in that fucking one street town with all those fucking hills have eyes fucking on me. I was like this is fucking weird, like, oh, like house of a thousand corpses.
Speaker 1:I had to go yeah, no, I, I totally agree with you. There was something not right. The second time was man and I were back roading it from up north Michigan and ended up like because Matt and I before the dictator, matt and I liked antiquing and God, I forgot what we used to do before him.
Speaker 2:You guys did like antiquing, we did.
Speaker 1:And so we stopped at this fucking like barn. It looked great from outside. Like I was like, oh cool, Like let's go in. This barn was like a shop inside and the same thing. We started walking in these rooms and all of a sudden, like these people are like like these rooms were connected with other doors and they were like coming and following us around and I'm just like I said to Matt, I was like this is I'm getting a strange vibe in here, Like let's get out of here, and like the same people were fucking following us around. I had no bag on me, so it wasn't even like somebody could look to see if I was stealing, right, Like I get a lot of shops like don't carry backpacks in, and all of that. It was just a weird fucking vibe. And if you ever get that vibe, get in your goddamn car and speed out of there going 60 miles per hour, because you listen to your intuition.
Speaker 2:There's something not right with these people. Yeah, I know, america's highways Same thing. My last story. Then I will shut the fuck up Driving, driving, driving. It's like three in the fucking morning, like it's the witching hour, but I'm just like hitting it. I don't know where the fuck I was going. I was in, I was in Missouri, so I was driving West from out West and I there was no gas stations, nothing. Well, there was like this like lake town. I kept seeing like tourist signs for like this lake. It was like the Ozarks or something. I don't know where the fuck I was. I think it was the Ozarks. So I get off on this exit and my car I literally have eight miles to empty. It's late as fuck. So I'm like God, I cannot. And then I have my Rottweiler in the car with me. God bless her.
Speaker 1:So I have to.
Speaker 2:I know best dog ever. Sorry, drexel, I didn't say that out loud, but she was, so I get off. I have to drive like by this time it says zero miles to E because I have to go last off of the exit. So I'm driving all the way into this fucking weird ass lake town. There's a the gas station sign that was on the highway. I pull up to it but it's closed. But it had to pay at the pump. So I was like oh my God. And then there was like a diner inside.
Speaker 2:I'm fucking sitting there pumping gas and as soon as I got out of the car I like felt like fucking people were staring at me. All of a sudden my dog from inside starts fucking growling like a maniac. But I needed gas in the car, so I'm like fucking with a credit card. I was like this is weird vibes. And I got like a weird Spidey sense. I look over and in the diner the fucking blinds moved Like someone was in there staring at me. My dog's going ape shit. I yell out. I was like I got a Rottweiler in the car. Whatever's happening, I'm just getting gas and then I'm fucking out of here, I don't want any trouble. And the blinds moved again and I'm like fucking gas, hurry up. So I didn't even. I just filled it up. I think I put like 10 bucks in, ripped the gas hose out, got in my car and I left the gas door open on my car and just peeled out. I was like I had to grab the gun that was under my seat.
Speaker 2:I thought it, I thought it was over with Courtney, but it was like a weird vibe, like the lake. There was like steam coming off of it. I was like, oh my God, where in the fuck am I and what is happening. But there was, I think. You told me the story. Oh, it sounds familiar. I think it was the most scared time I've ever been in my life Because it was creepy, dude, like an old diner, it was like a horror movie and everything was just so quiet. But then you could hear like sticks cracking. I'm like, oh my God.
Speaker 2:And then the second time, that blind. At first I was like, oh, that's weird. But then there's someone in there in the dark just peering out of the fucking blinds, like being a weirdo, like you're a fucking weirdo, I don't even care what you're doing, and my thing is like, if you're going to kill me. Just fucking kill me. I don't want to be scared before I'm killed. Like, just fucking do it. You know what I mean. And that was just like. That was very abusive. They were not very welcoming in that town, jesus Christ, like it couldn't have been a more fucking eerie, weird. It was like a fucking movie scene and I was just like, oh, I'm the dumb white bitch who's fucking just willy nilly off the highway like and entered into town, the town of hell. That was weird, yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree with you. I feel safer in the hood and I don't know if it's because of Detroit, but like I don't know, I just I feel safer in those areas than compared to people under the stairs, land Like oh yeah, I was screaming like a maniac in the middle of night.
Speaker 2:If there were tourists there they were probably like what the fuck? And Brooklyn was going nuts and that dog. It took a lot for her to go nuts, but it was yep.
Speaker 1:And Brooklyn was the sorry Drax. But Brooklyn was the sweetest Like one of the best ever. She was that. Brooklyn was that dog, and when Kim and I lived together in Satan's asshole in this house we lived at.
Speaker 2:Courtney lost my dog drunk twice.
Speaker 1:I did. But when I was moving in we kind of had steep stairs going up the door and I had a hat on and Brooklyn came to the door and I was like moving this box up and like sliding it up these stairs and pushing it in in the front door and fucking, Brooklyn came out and again my hat was down low and she was growling and Brooklyn and I were close and she was fucking like I have never heard her growl like that before and I like looked up and she immediately stopped and I was like girl, it's me, but I can't even imagine her growling in that car for some fucking freak show, hiding behind blinds in a diner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like it was a scene. And then her bark was so loud and I'm just like fucking tussling with this gas pump, like, and my head's on a swivel like making sure like no one's about to run up behind me and it was just like fucking eerie. I was like I don't know what. This is like a zombie town. It was fucking weird. But when those blinds, those shades and that fucking tin can diner started moving, I was like that'll do it for me. I'm yelling, I'm like I don't know what the I don't want any fucking trouble. I'm out of here. Like my dog will fucking kill you. I'll kill you, like, get me out of here. Someone's dying if anything goes down. I, because one thing about me I'm going to go out with a fight. You know what I'm saying? We are scrapping. That's why.
Speaker 2:I'm going to get you that noise thing.
Speaker 1:You're like, Courtney, are you getting me a?
Speaker 2:rape whistle. Yeah, courtney's like, I'm going to get you some mace, I'm going to get you something that makes noise. Courtney wants to get me a rape whistle, which she thinks that's going to save me in the streets. No one gives a fuck about a rape whistle whistle which she thinks that's going to save me in the streets. No one gives a fuck about a rape whistle Like no, I got to use my mitts, thunder and lightning to board off like any attackers. That would be awful, dude, awful. I can't even imagine, and especially as a woman, like if I ever find that lurker behind those blinds like I'm going to kick his ass or whatever it was, because that's just not right to do to a woman in the middle of night who clearly is a weary traveler coming off the highway and just needs some fucking gasoline. Like how dare you? Why would you want to scare someone like that?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Listen. I want the good people of the world to send us a text, because you know you can text the show Now. I just can't tell who it's from because it just shows me where you are, like the state that you live in. Okay, on this end, but send in a text message or DM us if you have any spooky stories like that, because I'm sure there's tons of women out there who do have these types of stories where you're just like something is not right here, because when the hair starts sticking up like ugh, yeah, and they say your hair is like antennas for your body, so it knows danger.
Speaker 2:It's like to protect yourself, it's like energy. It's like energy. So when you get the goosies, that's like your body signaling like something is wrong out there, when your hair is standing up. So I don't know if it was paranormal in that tin can diner or what was going on, but the vibes were not right. Now, when I dropped off that hitchhiker, I know it was just like a bunch of hilljacks and they didn't want my kind in their town, like because they were staring at me crazy. But when you start getting into, like the mountain and those Appalachians and shit, I mean people disappear all the time. So it's just like I was like nope, I'm out of here.
Speaker 2:I don't respect. I always say this in like wherever you're at, you, respect the streets and the streets will respect you back. So you just got to be like super aware and it's probably from all my times, like hustling in the streets, like being out, that I know like the kind of shit that happens, because talking with people, you hear fucking crazy stories. Yeah, when your intuition kicks in, you go Don't try to figure it out.
Speaker 1:You got to go. Chatty had that like kind of same experience when Chatty lived down in South Carolina, yeah, in that town where he was like there was one time, I think, he got lost and he was like that was not a place you wanted to get lost.
Speaker 2:He was like uh-uh, rolling through in his Cadillac with his bougie ass Like Chester, all fucking 110 pounds of him wet Like this is our younger brother. We're going to have him on the pod. He's an interesting cat yeah.
Speaker 1:We hung out like a month ago and we were trying. Well, you know what I left out that Chad admitted that he's never listened to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Courtney and I support our family and all their fucking business, everything they do, and none of our family members have listened to the podcast which is probably a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is. Honestly, I would not want dad or mom listening to this, because then it would go into a whole thing about them and it's not about them. Yeah, so we're like, well, teddy, you've got to come on. He's like all chatty, you gotta come on. He's like all right, I'll come on. And then kim was like have you listened? And he's like I gotta be honest, guys. And then I did not. Yeah, I was like, yeah, we know, chad, nobody out of our family had listened and he kind of just like looked at us like no right but what I'm to need you to do, asshole, is buy a coffee mug.
Speaker 2:Support the brand you prick.
Speaker 1:God. All right, We'll leave it on that note. We hope this episode helps you today. As always, reach out to Kim and I, but I'm serious. Please shoot us a message or send a text to the show If you've had any, any experience of of those, what you call them Kim the googly's, what you call them Gooseys the gooseys yes, Let us know. And too, there is Living on the LH merch. We have hats and a mug. If you want to support the show, All the links are in the show notes below. Thank you so much for listening to us and keep on trucking and kicking ass. Bye.
