Why do some women hate receiving oral sex? A listener shares why she doesn’t like it and I give her my feedback and some things to try to make it more enjoyable. In addition, I share 5 reasons many women hate oral sex, and how to help them have a better experience and finish out the episode with 5 additional things that men do that can ruin oral sex for their partners. Don’t worry, I give plenty of solutions so everyone can have a better oral sex experience whether they are on the giving or receiving end.
In this episode you will:
-find out if it’s normal for women to dislike receiving oral sex -discover why women don’t enjoy oral -learn easy solutions to some barriers to enjoyable oral sex
Why do some women hate receiving oral sex? A listener shares why she doesn’t like it and I give her my feedback and some things to try to make it more enjoyable. In addition, I share 5 reasons many women hate oral sex, and how to help them have a better experience and finish out the episode with 5 additional things that men do that can ruin oral sex for their partners. Don’t worry, I give plenty of solutions so everyone can have a better oral sex experience whether they are on the giving or receiving end.
In this episode you will:
-find out if it’s normal for women to dislike receiving oral sex -discover why women don’t enjoy oral -learn easy solutions to some barriers to enjoyable oral sex
Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is help. She doesn't like receiving oral sex. Is it you, and is there anything you can do about it? Today's topic was inspired by one of my YouTube listeners slash viewers Gloria who dropped the following question in the comments section of a video. She says I don't like having oral sex performed on me because it feels slimy. Is this normal? I am going to answer Gloria's question and I'm going to give her some solutions, but I'm not going to stop there, because I found five additional common reasons women say they don't like oral sex. I am also going to give some solutions to those common reasons and I am going to list five more things that women and people with vulvas commonly complain about and hate in general, when it comes to men in particular, going down on them. So by the end of this podcast, you're going to be able to improve your oral sex game, and if you are someone who's been squeamish about it or disinterested or not wanted to experience it at all, you may have some solutions that may have you rethinking your feelings about oral sex, and perhaps you'll want to maybe give it another go with your current partner or somebody new. So let's dive in Cheers.
Speaker 1:
First, gloria, I just want to say yes, it's absolutely normal not to like or desire oral sex. You are not alone. In fact, there are a lot of women who don't like or desire oral sex for a bunch of reasons we are going to discuss, but, bottom line, it is absolutely okay for you to enjoy what you enjoy and put a hard no on anything that just doesn't feel good to you. So let's get back to the large number of other women who say they don't enjoy oral sex. Now, one of the most common reasons for not enjoying oral sex, according to women, is that it feels sloppy or slimy or too wet. So, gloria, you are not alone.
Speaker 1:
The second reason women said that they don't like oral sex is just they feel a lot of shame around their pussy and their vagina. Women have been shamed about their body in general, but specifically their private parts, since the beginning of time, and some women just feel too self-conscious or like maybe it's ugly and that somebody shouldn't be that up and close and personal with it. They're afraid of what their partners might feel or think if they see their pussy that closely. The number three reason, which is very closely related to the number two reason, is that they are ashamed of how it might smell. They're worried about that. There are so many myths around the scent of a woman, and women aren't always familiar with the different scents that they might emit from their vulva, and so they're afraid if someone goes down on them they might be grossed out. The number three reason that women don't want someone to go down on them and don't enjoy it is that they say their clit is too sensitive and it just feels painful or overstimulating. So that's a very common reason as well. The number four reason that women don't want someone to go down on them is that they don't like the sounds. They don't like the sounds. I've got to sit and meditate on that one for a moment. I've got to sit and meditate on that one for a moment, like what sounds are people making. And the final, most common reason that women don't want someone to go down on them or don't enjoy it is that they get incredibly stressed out about the possibility of passing gas while someone's going down. That will be a fun one to address.
Speaker 1:
Now that I've listed several reasons that women say they don't like oral sex, let's get back to Gloria and her conundrum. So, Gloria, you may just want to walk away from the whole thing and just tell your partner or future partners yeah, that's not my thing, but if you are still open to the idea that it could be fun for you, I have some suggestions for things you can try. Number one whether this is an old partner or a new partner, you might just want to talk to them and say, hey, I do not like receiving super slobbery, wet oral sex sessions and in my experience both as a giver and receiver, your partner should be capable of keeping it a little bit drier. My second suggestion is, after you've had this conversation with your partner, make sure they have a towel when they go down. That will help with keeping it drier and cleaner and, you know, avoiding the drool puddle that sometimes happens during a good oral sex session.
Speaker 1:
As for techniques, you could ask your partner not to use their tongue. They can use their lips just to kiss and give drier, softer butterfly kisses to your labia, to your clitoris and all of the vulva area around that. The tongue doesn't even have to be involved. I know it's kind of mind-blowing, but it's true. In fact, I personally sometimes really just enjoy the kissing and no tongue included experiences. Well, another suggestion is instead of using the tongue, they can suck. They can suck on the labia or the clitoris or just the skin around the area. Again, they don't have to get the tongue involved. It's definitely not going to feel as slimy and slippery and it can be incredibly, incredibly erotic. It's a little bit like a clitoral blow job. I have personally found that to be incredibly satisfying. My final solution is to again just go between the sucking and the kissing and then get the fingers involved. You can go back to my how to finger a woman or a person with a vulva video. I gave a in-depth tutorial so you can incorporate some of those sensations as well, and it should stay much, much drier.
Speaker 1:
Okay, now I want to go back to some of the other common reasons that women and people with vulvas don't enjoy oral sex and I want to start with the top two. I think we can group them up the shame that comes to just visually what their vagina, their pussy, their vulva looks like, and then the whole scent and odor thing. Now, obviously, a partner can help you out a lot just by being very complimentary and understanding about you feeling self-conscious. But this is where the woman herself needs to do a lot of deconditioning and working on her own comfort with her body. My number one suggestion is to start incorporating a pleasure practice into your daily life. Yes, masturbation using your finger, using toys, doing it in front of a mirror.
Speaker 1:
In past Masturbation Monday episodes, I have suggested videoing yourself as well. It can be super sexy and it helps you get a better look at what you look like and start to get comfortable with it. The only way you're going to start feeling more comfortable with your body is by actually getting acquainted with it. Now this also includes getting to know your smell. When you get a little bit more brave, you might even get to know your own flavor. Brave, you might even get to know your own flavor. That's right. It's okay to know what you taste like, but as you do this throughout the weeks and over the year, you're going to start to recognize a pattern to your own sense, normal, healthy sense. You might even start to be able to identify when your pH is off and catch it way in advance, so that you can start treatments to avoid like severe yeast infections or BV infections which, by the way, are completely normal and nothing for you to feel ashamed of or self-conscious of at all. So start touching yourself, start looking at yourself and start loving yourself because, trust me, your vulva, your pussy, your privates, they're as beautiful as you are.
Speaker 1:
So moving on to people with super sensitive clits, how do you incorporate oral sex when having your clit touched or licked is just painful or overwhelming? So I want you again to refer back to specifically my fingering episode, where I talk about techniques that don't involve the clit. I addressed this a little bit there. You can do this also with a tongue. First of all, there are a lot of other wonderful sensitive areas outside of the clit, so you can have your labia licked. You can do some circling with the tongue. Circling is a technique where you just go around the clitoral area. You don't go over it, you don't touch the clit. Your tongue goes up and around the top of the hood and then under, and so the clit will get some indirect stimulation but it won't be specifically stimulated. Another option is to lay a finger or a couple of fingers over the top of the clit so it stays protected, and lick and kiss all around it and just avoid that super sensitive area. So there's a lot that you can do oral sex wise without including the clit. First, make sure you know if you are someone who does not have a clit, where the clit is so you can avoid it and not ruin the experience for your partner. And if you're someone with a sensitive clit, you can help out. You can use your own finger to go down and cover your clit and then allow your partner to just pleasure all of the areas around it.
Speaker 1:
The next most common complaint the sound. So I am going to assume that the sounds you're talking about are really loud, sloppy sounds. That's what I'm going to assume. And again, this is a conversation you have with your partner because, again, this is not a necessity. Now I understand some partners may just really really get into it and get carried away. Well, if this is going to turn off your partner, then you may just have to rein it in and try not to be so sloppy about the business. Sloppiness and sliminess and drooling and puddling really came up a lot. A lot of women and people with vulvas did not like that, did not like that. And now I know that there are probably plenty of women who love to be ravaged in that way and think it's hot. So, again, this is a conversation you need to be having with your partners before you go down on them. And finally, women are saying that they don't enjoy oral sex because they are stressed out about passing gas. I'm going to be honest with you. I have totally been stressed out about this. It stresses me out and I'm confident. Over the years, I've had my moments of, you know, embarrassing accidents.
Speaker 1:
Sex is messy, especially when you're excited and into it and fingers are going places and air is being blown places. It's reasonable to be stressed out about it. So one of the most obvious solutions is well, make sure you use the restroom in advance and shower and feel clean and in the best situation you can be in. Don't eat foods that you know make you gassy. But when it comes to the deed being done, you know you're always rolling the die and hopefully you're with a partner who understands that sex is messy, you know. If you really think you're going to pass gas, give them a little tap on the head, ask them to come up for air, make out with them, get comfortable again and then let them go down again. Yes, I've used this method, and if all else fails and gas slips, you can do one of two things Lie, say it was a queef and hope it didn't stink, or say it. That's what happens when you have really good sex. I don't know that's sex for you.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to finish up this episode with five additional things that women who love oral sex say they hate experiencing when their partner goes down on them. Now, these things came up while myself and a panel of women were discussing Gloria's issues, and it really got us going on a rampage about things that just can really blow a good oral sex session. So here they are. If you are a man who has a lot of facial hair, you either need to shave it off and be nice and smooth, or grow it out long enough that it's not like a cactus being rubbed all over our vulva. Ouch, there is a certain length of facial hair that can just rub us raw and hurt us to the point of wanting to not have you go down on us again. It's not like, ooh, it hurts so good, it's like ooh, it hurts bad. And then I have road rash for the next week and can hardly sit down. Big no-no. Number two face grinding. You know, when you go down there and you're all excited and you motorboat and you're not really even using your ton, you're just using your whole face to get in there. Now again, some women may like to be ravaged like that, but that's a discussion to have ahead of time. Many of us just like no, don't enjoy it, not a thing.
Speaker 1:
The next thing that women say really ruins oral sex for them is when a guy does the lizard tongue move. You know, when you stick your tongue out and you flick it really fast over the top of her clit, rigid, hard, flickering, like a lizard. Turn off, turn off for most of us guys. Stop doing that. There are so many other techniques you can use instead. Go back and check out my episode on how to give a really great oral sex.
Speaker 1:
The fourth thing that ruins oral sex for a woman is something you've got to pay close attention to Now. This could just happen accidentally when you get too excited, that is, sucking too hard on the labia or the clitoris. I've definitely experienced this where it's like I almost panic. The pain is real and it's not exciting at all. So pay attention to your suction because, remember, it isn't a dick, it's a clit. And finally, the last and maybe one of the most important things to remember when going down on a woman is do not come up and kiss her afterwards unless you've had the conversation with her and she said that she's okay with that.
Speaker 1:
Some women just are not comfortable kissing you after you've had your face in their vulva. So have the conversation ahead of time, get her consent, find out if she likes it or not and some women may like it sometimes and may not like it other times. That's very normal and it can be hormonally driven. But make sure you get consent before you just come on up and lay a wet one on her. It could totally kill the mood. Gloria, thank you so much for submitting your question. I hope that I got you some information and tips that will help you in your future experiences with oral sex or, at the very least, that you feel confident now that you're absolutely normal and how you feel about receiving oral sex, and to my listeners and viewers. I hope that the tips and information I've shared has helped you answer some of your own questions and will help you have a better experience in the future, whether you are the oral sex giver or receiver. So until next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.