Have you had fantasies about having sex or being intimate with a bisexual woman? Are you a couple looking for a unicorn? In this episode of Masturbation Monday, I’m going to share 10 things you should know about having sex with a bisexual woman. From the truth about what we think about threesomes to how we feel about non-monogamy and more, I’m dishing everything I know from my own research and my experience living as a bisexual woman.
Have you had fantasies about having sex or being intimate with a bisexual woman? Are you a couple looking for a unicorn? In this episode of Masturbation Monday, I’m going to share 10 things you should know about having sex with a bisexual woman. From the truth about what we think about threesomes to how we feel about non-monogamy and more, I’m dishing everything I know from my own research and my experience living as a bisexual woman.
do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is sex with bisexual women. It is Pride Month and, as a woman who identifies as bisexual and pansexual, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about what sex and intimacy with a bisexual woman looks like and to share 10 things you should know if you are either currently having sex with a bisexual woman or hoping to have sex with a bisexual woman, or if you're a bisexual woman yourself hoping to have sex with a bisexual woman, or if you're a bisexual woman yourself. My personal journey with being bisexual has been filled with ups and downs and big, big loves and big, big heartbreaks, and my big hope is that, by sharing these 10 things with you, that your journey will be filled with more ups than downs and more big loves than heartbreaks. So grab your coffee and join me in bed for a pride-fueled episode that will likely change your view of what sex with bisexual women is like. Cheers Diving right in with number one, the generally accepted definition of being bisexual is being sexually and or romantically attracted to people who are either the same gender as you are or a different gender than you are.
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So it could be any gender cis men, cis women, trans folks, non-binary folks. And then there is the definition of pansexual, which is very closely related to the definition of bisexual. Pansexuals define themselves as being sexually and or romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender. I am more and more sort of taking on that self-definition myself, but both work for me, as I am attracted to cis men, cis women, trans folk, non-binary folk. I am basically attracted to people and who they are at the core.
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The second thing I want to share with you about bisexual women that's incredibly important for you to know before you are intimate with them is that women who are bisexual are often hyper-sexualized and fetishized. The hyper-sexualization of bisexual women treats them primarily as objects of desire rather than as full, complex human beings with feelings, thoughts and agency of their own. The prominent belief that bisexual women are promiscuous or sexually greedy or want to have sex with multiple people at the same time, or even want to have adventurous sex, is a myth. Being bisexual only means that you are attracted to more than one gender. It is not a statement about your sexual interests, proclivities, about your promiscuity, your libido or anything else. Bisexual women can be asexual, they can be vanilla. They can completely lack interest in big, crazy sexual adventures.
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The hypersexualization of bisexual women often leads to our dehumanization, which can result in lack of respect for our personhood, our autonomy and our safety. Which leads me to number three. Bisexual women experience higher rates of rape and sexual assault than both heterosexual women and lesbians, with 46% of us having reported experiencing rape and 75% of us having reported some form of sexual assault during our lifetime. When bisexual women are seen as hypersexual, it leads to situations where our boundaries aren't respected, which can increase the rates of sexual harassment, assault and coercion. And the worst part is that perpetrators oftentimes see their actions as justified because of the belief that bisexual women are always interested in and willing to participate in sexual activities. Number four understanding the hypersexualization of bisexual women and the harm it does to them, as well as the rates of sexual violence that they experience is significant when engaging in a sexual relationship with them. Even if you haven't gotten to the point where you've shared that kind of information, having this knowledge can and should inform how you move forward with them in an intimate relationship. If you are going to engage in intimacy with a woman who is bisexual, assume at some point in her life she has experienced being hypersexualized or fetishized. Assume she has experienced sexual harassment or even a sexual assault, and take the steps necessary to support her needs around that. For instance, have those conversations about her boundaries and personal sexual wants and needs. Ask her what she needs to feel safe moving forward in whatever sexual situation or intimate situation you two plan to have together. She may be hesitant to bring these things up herself because of her past experiences and pushback with partners who have made assumptions about what she likes, wants, needs or will do for them in bed.
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Number five, and this one is close to my heart Not all bisexual and pansexual women are non-monogamous or polyamorous. Just because we can be attracted to and fall in love with more than one gender doesn't mean that we want to have multiple relationships with different genders at the same time. If you are in an intimate or committed relationship with a woman who is bisexual or pansexual and she says she just wants to be with you. But you have feelings of inadequacy or of not being enough because she can be attracted to more than one gender. Understand that's your issue. Those are your feelings of inadequacy to deal with and resolve. She is not to blame and your feelings of inadequacy are not an excuse to minimize your commitment to the relationship with her. When you put those on her, it invalidates her feelings, emotions and love. It's extremely damaging to her and can make her question her ability to have deep, meaningful and successful relationships.
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Number six, and this is going to be disappointing for a lot of you not all bisexual women want to have a threesome. Don't assume. Just like any other woman, heterosexual, lesbian, we all have our sexual preferences and our sexual interests and activities vary. You should be having the same conversations with us as you're having with heterosexual women. If it's something we're interested in, we'll probably bring it up to you. But don't assume just because you're dating us you're going to get to have a threesome. This leads me to number seven. If you do decide to ask your bisexual partner to have a threesome with you, be prepared for her to tell you she does want to have a threesome, but perhaps not with the gender you are hoping for. So, dudes, if you've had a fantasy about being with two women at once, it may not be fulfilled by her. Many bi women are interested in being with two men at the same time or two people with penises at the same time. We are not here just to fulfill your fantasies. So if you're going to ask, buckle up and try a butt plug, because well, you never know where that's going to lead.
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Number eight this is for unicorn hunters. Unicorn hunters, couples looking for a third. Not all bisexual women want to be your third and for those of us that do, you do us a whole lot of damage when you dehumanize us or treat us like sex toys or make us your trophies. When inviting us to join you, our wants, needs and boundaries should be as high of a priority as yours are. Unicorn hunting is often demonized because of the inherent power imbalance, with the couple in the situation having more power than the third, which is often the bisexual woman. Let me be clear Bisexual women are not disposable. We are not sex toys or to be treated as one of many and put up on a shelf and take it down whenever a couple wants to use us. We are humans and we are deeply, deeply damaged every time we are not treated as such.
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Period Number nine sex with a bisexual or pansexual woman can be incredibly fun, adventurous and exciting when you take the time to educate yourself about our risk factors, our experiences and our needs. There is nothing more fulfilling to us and exciting to us and healing to us than being able to find a partner who sees and accepts us for our full, authentic selves and lets us love them and make love to them the way we want, need and know how to. If you want a heart-expansive experience with a bisexual woman, then take the time to be there for her and agree to embark on the adventure of exploring her sexuality with her, whether that means doing that through sexual adventures or education or just finding a community where you guys can fit together. Number 10, our ability to love without gendered biases or boundaries is a bisexual and pansexual woman's superpower. When we love you, you know you're being loved by someone who can see past your gender expression and all of the generalizations that are attached to it. We are able to see the whole authentic, true you and embrace it. To be loved by a bisexual woman is precious and special, and for us to open up and take that leap and love you requires a whole lot of vulnerability, so don't take it for granted.
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Finally, bisexual and pansexual women are not only at higher risk for rape and sexual assault than heterosexual women and lesbians. We also are at higher risk for things like depression, anxiety, substance abuse and thoughts of or carrying out suicide. So if you have a bisexual woman in your life that you love a friend, a family member, a partner, a lover please take time to get to know more about her experience and her risk factors so that you can support her more about her experience and her risk factors, so that you can support her. Because bisexual women well, we do really need your support, not only during Pride Month, but all year long. So if you have questions or comments about this episode, about bisexual women, about being intimate with a bisexual woman or partnering with her, if you are a bisexual woman who needs to find community and support, please reach out to me.
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You guys know how to do it. You can scroll down. If you are watching this on my YouTube channel at Annette Benedetti, you can drop a comment below. You can also reach me at my new email address. It is Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. That's Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. So until next time I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.