Have you or your partner ever struggled to find your G-Spot? Have you felt pain or numbness with penetration and always wondered how other women enjoyed penetrative sex? Do you want to find new ways to enjoy sexual stimulation and orgasmic joy? If you are curious about your G-spot, where it is, and how to wake it up and give it pleasure…and even have a G-spot orgasm someday, this episode is for you.
I will walk you through:
What the G-spot is Where to find it What barriers are to g-spot pleasure And how to go on the journey of finding it.
Have you or your partner ever struggled to find your G-Spot? Have you felt pain or numbness with penetration and always wondered how other women enjoyed penetrative sex? Do you want to find new ways to enjoy sexual stimulation and orgasmic joy? If you are curious about your G-spot, where it is, and how to wake it up and give it pleasure…and even have a G-spot orgasm someday, this episode is for you.
I will walk you through:
What the G-spot is Where to find it What barriers are to g-spot pleasure And how to go on the journey of finding it.
Do the sex. Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me, annette Benedetti, your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats. This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental, physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams. Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure, better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life. Today's Masturbation Monday topic is one of my favorite how to find and activate her G-spot. One of the most common questions I've been getting when coaching my clients, both men and women alike, is how do I find her or my G-spot? Many women and people with vulvas experience pain and numbness when they have penetration, and today I'm going to try and help you understand why that occurs and then how to remove some of the challenges and roadblocks to pleasure when trying to find her G-spot. Now, key to the discussion about finding and waking and pleasuring the G-spot is understanding why so many women can't access it. First, you need to understand that women's pleasure has been grossly understudied and most women and people of all genders have been given inaccurate information on how to access it. In fact, in many ways, women's pleasure is a new frontier that is only now being explored, researched and accurately discovered. Second, it's important to understand that many women suffer from something that's called vaginal armoring. I was one of them. Vaginal armoring is the body's physical response to experiencing trauma. This kind of trauma can come from many things, including childbirth, sexual shaming, sexual assault, unpleasant sexual experiences like being pounded away at even when you don't feel anything, or feel pain or numb. When a woman experiences these types of trauma, her body can go into a pattern of guarding and it can create tension in the pelvic floor, creating chronic pain. It can even numb out so that she can avoid feeling sensation in that area. Vaginal armoring is all too often the reason why women complain about experiencing numbness, pain or discomfort when their partner tries to penetrate them to find the G-spot or when they try to penetrate themselves in an effort to find their G-spot. I have personally had a lifetime of experience with this and over the last handful of years I have been able to not only find and wake up my G-spot, I can now have full body, intense, incredible orgasms from it. So I'm going to break down how to find your G-spot and how to de-armor it if necessary, so that you can wake it up and experience pleasure from it. So grab your cup of coffee and let's get ready to talk about the G-spot, cheers.
Speaker 1:
Let's start with a little lesson on the G-spot. There's a lot of debate about whether the G-spot is a sexual organ on its own or part of the larger clitoral network that runs inside of the woman's body. But for the sake of this episode, we are just going to say that the G-spot, which is short for Grafenberg spot, is a small area that's located right inside the woman's vagina, about an inch or two on the upper front wall. That's closest to the belly button. Now, its location can vary greatly, and we'll get into that. The G spot is sensitive to touch and when a woman's aroused it can actually grow in size, so it will feel raised, sometimes bumpy or spongy. Now, when it is stimulated, it can be incredibly pleasurable to a woman and it can lead to an orgasm or even female ejaculation, also known as squirting. So now that you know what it is and where it can be found, here's my step-by-step guide to finding your or her G-spot, waking it up and giving it pleasure.
Speaker 1:
So step number one is setting the intention. If this is a partnered exploration, you need to make sure she, or the person with the vulva, is on board. She needs to want to do this, be a willing partner and be excited about it. It cannot be something that she's pressured into or that she feels like she needs to do for your ego. This is not about making anyone else feel good about their sexual expertise. This is about helping her experience more pleasure or a type of pleasure she hasn't had access to before. In line with the topic of pressure, the purpose of these exercises is not to make her orgasm. This is super important because the pressure to feel like you have to orgasm from an exploration experience can really reinforce that trauma that may have caused the armoring to happen in the first place. Now, if this is a practice and exploration you're doing with yourself, you need to have those same conversations with yourself. Know that this is going to be a journey. Choose the journey. Do not make the purpose of your journey to have an orgasm from finding your G-spot. We are just trying to find her and we're going to be patient and it's going to be fun and release yourself from pressure and expectation, because we can actually reinforce the trauma that's already there.
Speaker 1:
Next, we want to set the mood. Obviously I've talked about this in my other videos You're gonna want to find a space that feels sexy, feels relaxing. I always like a place with a lot of pillows. I love material that's soft and and sexy. I like mood lighting candles, whatever it is, Incense, if you like scented candles. You can help set the mood that way, especially if like scent is something that really affects you. But you're going to want to set a nice, sexy mood and have everything around you that you need lube included.
Speaker 1:
And finally, when it comes to setting the mood, we've got to talk about communication. Open, honest communication is going to be key if you're doing this with a partner, and so it's really important that you come up with how you're going to communicate while you're deep in exploration. For her to find her G-spot, she's going to really need to be in her body and feeling everything. If you are asking her questions that require her to get up in her head and out of her body, it's going to kill the mood. So what I suggest is to set up the expectation that yes and no questions will be asked. Does this feel good? Yes, not. How does this feel good? Where she has to come up with a full answer to you. Keep it very simple Faster, yes. Slower, yes, yes, and no questions. Now, if she really doesn't like verbal communication and a lot of women don't, they don't want to hear their own voice during sexual experiences you can come up with hand signals. It can be like a thumbs up for faster or that feels good. It can be a flat hand held out for like slow down or stop. But you can come up with your own hand signal form of communication to keep her in her body and tuned in to everything that's happening.
Speaker 1:
Next step is arousal. We are not going straight for the vaginal opening. That is first and foremost. You're going to want to listen to some of my podcasts on foreplay. We're going to be setting the mood all day leading up to this experience of exploration and then, once we're actually in the bed if this is with a partner kissing, touching, caressing if this is with yourself, you are going to do sort of the same kind of thing with yourself. The mood is set. You're in a sexy setting. If you want to watch some sexy show porn, if you're into it, listen to erotica, whatever it is that gets you in the mood, and make sure to wake up your senses. You can caress your chest, your breasts, your stomach, and then, of course, the next thing we're going to do is wake up the clit, because we know that most women experience pleasure and orgasm from the clit, and I'm talking about the nub that shows. We can call it the bean if you want to. I call it the bean sometimes.
Speaker 1:
Now this is where I'm going to refer you to my podcast I did on, I believe, 20 different ways you can touch the clitoris. I gave you all different types of options based on what works best for your body, her body, and you're going to want to refer to that because clitoral stimulation is going to be key to finding that G spot. Again, make sure you've got lube on hand Now. You can use your hands to pleasure the clitoris, or you can get out some different toys to wake up the clit. You could do some oral sex. Whatever it is that is going to get you nice and aroused.
Speaker 1:
Now we are ready to locate her G spot. I want to say right off the bat you may not find the G-spot or feel the G-spot the first time, and you need to be prepared for that, and okay with that. But let's be optimistic going in. Okay, let's talk about hand position. First of all, I'm going to assume you've made sure your hands are nice and clean, that your fingernails are short and they're not rough, that the skin on your hands is nice and smooth so that there's no discomfort and no chance of hurting her, because if you hurt her it's game over. I'm going to suggest that you use your index finger, but you can also use your middle finger. It's whatever is most comfortable for you.
Speaker 1:
When she's ready she's giving you the thumbs up or said yes, when you've asked her you can have her take over the clitoral stimulation, if that's something she can do without getting in her head too much. If not, you're going to continue using one hand to stimulate the clitoris, or you're going to get a toy and I will make recommendations at the end of this podcast for toys that will do the job and let you focus on the hand that is going to be entering her and you are going to start to massage the outside of the vaginal opening. We are not going inside yet. We are just going to make sure there's lots of lube and start to massage the outside of her vaginal opening when she's ready for you to enter her. You've asked, and it's time you are going to insert your finger whether it's the pointer or the index finger, finger, hand, face up towards the belly button side of her stomach in only to the first knuckle. The first knuckle, I mean that's. I don't even know how, how far that is. That is not far at all. It's super important that that's what you start with, and I'm going to tell you why.
Speaker 1:
People generally think that the G-spot is anywhere from one to two inches inside a woman's vagina. Mine is right inside and what I discovered was that my past partners were shooting right by it and painfully jabbing me in the vaginal wall beyond it. Now, every body is different, but you want to cover all the ground you can when you are trying to find a woman's G spot. You don't want to make assumptions and you don't want to miss the spot. Plus, this gives her the opportunity to just start warming up to being penetrated.
Speaker 1:
You aren't going to hook your finger. You're not going to do the come hither motion penetrated. You aren't going to hook your finger. You're not going to do the come hither motion. We'll get to that. You're just going to put it in and you're going to massage that area. You can do small slow circles. You can do an in and out motion. You can make it rhythmic. Again. You can ask her does that feel good, would you like it faster, faster, slower. And you're going to pull it out not abruptly, but we're going to insert it, do some little motions, you can pull it out if she's gotten wet. You can drag that finger up back around the clitoral area and then you can go back in and you're gonna find a rhythm. You're gonna find the pattern that she likes the most, but you're going to find a rhythm. You're going to find the pattern that she likes the most, but you're going to need to be communicating with her about this. There is no one set rhythm or pattern. That's going to be the key to every woman's G spot.
Speaker 1:
This is an active communication, conversation, and there's going to be trial and error. You may do something that she doesn't like and that may end your session, and then the next time you'll come back with more information and do something different. Now you're slowly going to progress how deep you go, how fast you go, according to what she wants. You're not going to go deeper without permission. You're not going to go faster without permission. You can start to incorporate, once inside the vagina to that first knuckle or beyond, a little bit of the come hither motion. But we're going to do it gently. We're going to apply some pressure. We're not going to like do a hardcore hook. I can tell you from much experience that really hurts. The come hither motion has been over-exaggerated. Here is just the bad news for you all, and I've just seen some crazy like hard. It's like you're aggressively telling somebody to come here. It is going to be a gentle motion that adds a little bit of pressure. Now you can increase that pressure with her permission. Maybe she'll like it. But again, you're going to want her feedback before you do that.
Speaker 1:
So how do you know when you found the G spot? Now, this may be a gradual process. She may at some point just start feeling it warm up and get spicy and say something to you. But if you are doing it on somebody, some signs that you can look for are it will start to puff up an area and it's not always extremely distinct, but you will feel some swelling. So you yourself have to be really tuned in to what's happening. She may get wetter, but do not depend on wetness as your indicator that you found it. This is going to be something that she is going to have to tell you.
Speaker 1:
If you are doing this on yourself, some signs that you may be finding your G-spot is you'll get this heated sensation. Sometimes it's, it's, it's. I always say it's spicy, it's a spicy feeling Like the first time I felt it I was like, oh, oh, what is that? Why do I feel hot down there? It actually felt like something kind of hot not not painful kind of nice was hitting me down there. When you start to feel that hot, spicy sensation, that's your sign to keep going. If it makes you uncomfortable at first or you're not sure about it, stop. You can come back to it again and slowly get used to it.
Speaker 1:
A couple tips Obviously, be constantly checking in with one another. If this is a partnered exploration, if this is you doing the exploration on your own body and you start to have sensations, see where it takes you. Don't pull away right away. Give yourself a little time to sink into and experience what those sensations are. You may find that one area, maybe just inside the vagina, starts to feel really good and as your arousal grows, you can go in a little bit deeper and see where that area stops and starts.
Speaker 1:
Be willing to explore. Be curious. Be willing to stop if you start to feel uncomfortable in any way, and if you are doing this with a partner and she asks you to stop, you need to do that in a way that doesn't make her feel embarrassed or judged or like she's disappointed you in any way whatsoever. Be excited for the fact that you made it as far as you did. This is like an adventure an exciting, sometimes scary and worthwhile adventure. Finally, how will you know? How will you know? Is there going to be like this big moment when you know? Maybe not.
Speaker 1:
I didn't know right away that I had found my G-spot. It was something I really came to understand over time, especially as I started to have orgasms. While that clitoral stimulation was still going on, there was a distinct difference between the two pleasure spots and I could tell that my G spot was intensifying what that orgasm felt like. So tips for success patience. This is a journey that is not going to take place over a couple of hours. It may not even be a couple of days. It may not be a couple of weeks or months. It could be a process that takes years. It's taken me years to get where I am at right now, and I know that I still have more to discover. So go into it with patience, excitement and optimism.
Speaker 1:
My next tip for a success when trying to find her G-spot is get into the exploration of it, be playful. Remember, this is not goal-driven, this is not orgasm-driven. This is a journey. The experience itself is where you're going to find the pleasure. There is so much more to pleasure than the orgasm and if that is the only thing in your mind that equals success, you're going to be disappointed a lot and you're going to be missing out on so much fun and an opportunity to bring yourself closer to your partner or yourself. My exploration and finding my G-spot really has created this incredible relationship with myself. It's taught me to trust myself more. It's shown me how to heal myself. It's shown me how to heal myself. It's incredible. It's an incredible powerful experience whether you are alone or you're with a partner.
Speaker 1:
Earlier on, I mentioned the use of toys, so toys can be useful for both the partnered exploration and solo exploration, and I want to very quickly share some of my favorites with you Now. If you are listening to this podcast on my audio version, you can come over to my YouTube channel at Annette Benedetti and you can actually see some of the toys. I'll do my best to explain them to you, but you can also sign up for my e-newsletter, because I am going to be sending out a list of these toys and, of course, more tips on finding the G-Spot via my e-newsletter, which you will find a link to in the description of this episode. So I want to start with the toy that I would say is a 100% go-to for keeping that clitoral stimulation going as you are moving into entering her. She can use this herself or you, if you are a partner, can use it on her, and that is the Womanizer Next. I have a full-on review on the Womanizer Next. It is a pleasure air tech toy. So it's got this opening that you put over the clitoris and it puffs and blows and gives a little bit of a suction feeling on her clitoris. The nice thing about it is you can just hold it on the clit and or over the clit and she's going to receive that stimulation and you don't have to move it around with your hand so you can hold it stationary while your other hand is doing all of the exploration and also she can hold it on herself and stay in her body more, because it's not like she's got to move it around to get that clitoral stimulation that you're going to want her to be receiving while you're exploring the G spot.
Speaker 1:
The next one I'm going to suggest is a partner can use this, or if you are on this, this journey yourself and you find it hard to just use your fingers to explore your G-spot, this is Fun Factory's Stronic Petite. It is a pulsator and I actually have found this to be very useful. When all lubed up, it's a very small looking dildo vibrator. It has ridges on it and when you turn it on, it does this tiny miniscule. You probably can't even see it on video. Uh, yeah, you can. A Pulsing motion. It's a very small pulsing motion and it's a great way to introduce a new sensation to your G-spot. You can put just the tip in and explore that way. Also, your partner. If their hand is getting tired, well, they can also use that as well. But if you're alone, you can put it just inside of you and let it do the movement while you continue to activate your clitoris, and that way you're not just doing everything at once, which can feel really overwhelming. Now this is the blend.
Speaker 1:
The Womanizer Blend is the next toy I'm going to suggest for your exploration and finding your G-spot. It is a rabbit-style dual stimulator. I also just did a review on this one, so if you're curious, check it out. This baby has been key to my advanced knowledge of my G-spot. It combines it's by Womanizer of my G-spot. It combines it's by Womanizer. It combines that pleasure air attack, clit stimulation with a vibrating arm that literally reaches just right inside your vagina where that G-spot is supposed to be, and it's really next leveled my knowledge of my G-spot and it could be really good at helping you find it, because it creates so much arousal with the pleasure air attack on your clitoris that any kind of vibration that you receive from its vibrating arm on your G-spot can start to make that G-spot feel nice and spicy and that's when you're going to be like, oh, I think that's where it is. You're also going to have really amazing orgasms from your time with the blend. Okay, those three toys are something to really consider. Again, I will send you more suggestions if you are curious.
Speaker 1:
If you have any questions about starting a journey to discovering your G-Spot or your partner's G-Spot. Please feel free to reach out to me. If you're curious about how that would look in a coaching session, feel free to scroll down and click on the link below to my coaching services. You can also find them at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. You can reach out to me personally at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. At Annette. At TalkSexWithAnnettecom, you can drop a comment in the comment section of this podcast episode on YouTube. You can find me on YouTube at Annette Benedetti as well. You can also leave me a voicemail at a link below for my SpeakPipe voice messaging. So I am happy to try to answer all the questions that I can, and I love communicating with you guys. So I am happy to try to answer all the questions that I can, and I love communicating with you guys. So, anyways, I hope that this was helpful and until next time I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.